21: Neve

I somehow ended up going back to Tanes. his flat is a mess and smells awful. but on top of all the dirty laundry and trash bags piled high. I still smell his soap; his washing powder and they both calm me.

He scoops up dirty dishes and grabs bags of rubbish from the kitchen, taking them outside and throwing them in the large communal bins. he then grabs laundry from the couch and floor throwing it across the room.

his movements are jerky and angry. I can see how angry and agitated he is, and I want to comfort him. but he keeps throwing things. he keeps mumbling under his breath about this being his place and he’s had enough.

I watch him for a few more minutes. his hands landing on some magazines and a dirty cup. Tane freezes for a second. then he throws the cup with such force it shatters on the wall making me jump.

“Tane.” that’s all I need to say as I crouch down to where he has fallen to his knees. his face is wet with tears. his eyes are so sad, so full of pain it breaks my heart.

“Tane. let me help you. let me be here for you.” he looks at my face and it’s like he’s seeing me for the first time. he studies me, looking between my eyes, across my cheeks, back to my eyes and then to my lips.

he pulls me into his embrace. his body shuddering with grief-stricken sobs. he’s lost his brother. Henly is in a coma and my mum is dying. it’s not just me who has been hit with pain. he has too. this is his family too.

“I couldn’t stop them… I tried to stop them Newt… I tried to stop them drinking, from getting in the car… I hit my brother, called him an ungrateful cunt… Henly slapped me across the face, then climbed behind the wheel… I tried to stop her… I tried.” he cries harder as I hold him.

---

“Tell me what happened here Tane. why is your flat such a mess.” we are currently lying on his bed. we are face to face, fully clothed. we must have sat on that hard floor for hours until we moved to his room.

“Henly happened.” he closes his eyes and shakes his head, I know all too well what he trying to say.

“Caught her and Jude. more than once.” I gasp because how could she do that to him. how could his brother. but then I remembered he kissed me on my birthday. was that her payback.

“The truth is. we split up that night, after I kissed you.” he looks at me. his bottom lip puffy and so damn tempting.

“She spent more and more time with Jude. both of them day drinking. she wouldn’t find a job. he lost his. it was a mess.” he lifts a hand to my face. his fingers lightly caress my face.

“I was paying for everything. The rent. the food. the bills. Jude and I would argue all the time. Henly would show up and refuse to leave.” I take his hand in mine.

“In the end I was spending more and more time at the garage, sleeping in the office.” I squeeze his hand in mine, then I kiss his knuckles.

“Through all of it. you’re the only one I could think of. the only one who I wanted by my side. all those little voices screaming your name, calling out to you… you’re the only one who I will ever love Neve. but I’m not selfish and I wasn’t going to bring you into this shithole of a mess, that’s called my life.”

I scoot closer to him and pull his head to rest against my chest. right now, we are just Two people grieving for Two different things. him for the loss of his brother and me for the loss that’s to come.

“Why was she telling people you and her were engaged. why not just kick Jude out when you caught them together. I have so many questions and none of them will seem fair.” we are both quiet for a while. and for a moment I don’t think he will answer me.

there’s no telling what will happen to Henly, if she wakes up. but if I’m being honest, I’m so mad at her right now. Shes never committed to anything in her life. never made a decision and stuck with it. always just winged it and look where that got her.

“Despite losing her job and cheating on me. which by the way, I didn’t care. I knew from early on they were messing around. she had an image to uphold, and I was deemed more respectful than an ex-con. it wasn’t long before people started to see through her lies, and she had to tell your mum the truth.”

I try to wrap my head around it. why did she feel the need to do what she did. not just to Tane. but to me. she knew from day one that I was in love with him. and she still took him. he’s not innocent either, but I think I can forgive his reasons.

“Why did you start dating her Tane. you never told me.” I ask the one thing that’s always bugged me. he looks up at me then, his eyes are red and swollen.

“Because she knew I wanted you. she saw the way I looked at you. she said she would tell your dad; make it sound super fucked up. make me look like a predator. then she asked me out and I knew if I wanted to keep seeing you, in any capacity. I would have to say yes to her. I should have done it differently. but I was already in love with you, and I didn’t want to lose you.”

I digest his words. I knew he was in love with me because we knew from that first night at the fair. love like ours doesn’t come around every day. it’s just our luck the age gods had got involved but I would have waited another Ten years to be here with him now.

“I love you too Tane, I hope you know and feel that. I always have. you’re like the other part of my soul. my missing magnet. my puzzle piece. I understand why you kept me at arm’s length. I get it now. you’re a good man. you’ll get through this just fine. I’ll be here for you. I’m not going anywhere.”

I whisper these words to him on repeat until I feel him fall asleep. I then lay a cover over him and walk around the rest of the flat cleaning up. I make the place as good as new. I then leave him a note and let myself out.

I need to speak to mum. I need to get the full story of her illness so I can prepare myself for what’s to come. Then I need to speak with the dean of Cambridge University and ask if there is any way I can do my lectures online, because despite what everyone will say. I’m not leaving again.

22: Neve

December 1997

“I brought you some soup mum.” I lay the tray beside the bed and sit down. mum has been bedridden now for Three weeks. her body is frail and weak. her hair is limp and thin, bald in places.

“Thank you love. but I’m not feeling well.” it’s the same thing every time I bring her food. next she’ll beg me to go back to Uni and let dad take over her care.

dad has been amazing; he moved back in and has been home every night to stay with her. Tane comes round too, he and dad are like best friends. both of them spending time between here and the hospice where Henly lives.

she’s getting stronger every day, and her full-time care giver brings her to visit Three times a week. she doesn’t speak much but she sits and holds mum’s hand.

mum has a very aggressive form of bowl cancer. she hid her symptoms from everyone, choosing to ignore it. it wasn’t until dad found her slumped over and in pain that he took her to the hospital, and he learned what was wrong with her.

“You should go back to school love. I’m fine.” and there it is. always worrying about everyone else.

“You know I won’t do that so please stop asking. I’m learning online and that’s enough for now. your more important.” she gives me a weak smile and squeezes my hand.

“I love you, Neve. you and Henly were the best thing that ever happened to me. promise me you’ll go back to school… finish what you started.” I don’t realize in crying until mum lifts her hand and wipes away the tear.

“I love you too. so very much… I’ll make you proud, I promise.” I sniff and watch her close her eyes. just sitting with her and feeling her spirit around me.

I help her with her pills, and she manages to drink some juice bore falling into a deep sleep again. Tane is in the kitchen when I leave her room. both of us stuck in limbo. both of us wanting to be together but knowing the timing is wrong.

“Did she eat.” he asks, and I shake my head.

“No. she’s getting weaker. the nurse told me earlier she’s in her final stages and it’s killing me.” Tane opens his arms, and I walk right in. he feels so solid and safe right now.

“She still refusing to go into a hospice.” I nod and he kisses my head. Tane seemed to change overnight, more so when we buried his brother. he’s more focused, determined.

“She may only have a few days left. maybe it’s time to bring Henly home. we could have one last Christmas together.” the sob that leaves my throat is painful. my insides feel raw and bloodied.

“I’ll call the nurse and let her know. did you talk to your dad.” I nod again. dad said it was a great idea; mum would love it.

“Thank you. I don’t know what I would have done if you weren’t here. you’re my rock Tane.” I look up at his gorgeous face and he looks down at mine.

he leans in and our lips touch for the second time since I was 15. his lips are soft and warm, his tongue slides along mine and we both moan. that’s when dad walks through the door and looks between us both.

---

Christmas day was supposed to be a magical day. but when I went in the room to wake mum. she was already gone. dad was sitting beside her, her hand in his. we sobbed together. Henly unaware as to what has happened.

“Newt.” Tane calls my name when I leave the bedroom. he’s holding a gift and when he sees my tears, he knows what’s happened. he drops the gift and pulls me to his body.

Henly was beside herself when she finally arrived. she was angry and frustrated, unable to speak freely. her words getting stuck in her throat. Tane tried to comfort her, dad too. but in the end the nurse had to take her back. it was just too traumatic for her.

Mum was taken to the funeral home in the afternoon. while Tane stayed with me while dad went to prepare the arrangements. the house is too quiet, and, in the end, I begged Tane to take me to his.

The next few days went by in a blur. I didn’t eat or dress. I didn’t wash or change my underwear. Tane had to treat me like I was a baby, picking me up and standing in the shower with me.

Not even Julia could get me to talk. she stayed for a few days, her and Tane doing everything they could to bring me back. but in the end depression won. I feel like the world has ended. I want my mum.

“She didn’t want this; she won’t want this Newt. you have to snap out of it. your dad needs you. Henly needs you. I need you.” he takes my head in his hands and kisses me fully, his tongue probing into my mouth.

he smells of soap, his soap. he feels warm under my fingers as I lace them through his hair. he pulls away and looks down at me. there’s nothing but love and respect shining back.

“I’m sorry. I kind of zoned out there for a bit. I’ll do better. I’ll try harder.” Tane kisses me once more and he helps me to wash my hair. he dries my body and helps me to dress.

“We need to go see your dad. Henly is being dropped off at home this afternoon. the funeral is tomorrow.” I nod as we gather our coats and head for the door.

“Tane.” I pull on his hand and he stop to look back at me.

“I love you.” he smiles and pulls me into a warm hug. I love his hugs and the fact that he does it so freely now.

“I love you too Newt.” he kisses me tenderly and I melt into him.

“Come on. your mum wants a good send off. we owe it to her.” I nod and follow him outside and down to his jeep.

“I’ve decided to go back to Uni. after we lay mum to…rest.” Tane squeezes my hand. his support is everything to me.

“I think that’s wonderful. your mum was so proud you know.” he smiles and drives us through town.

“She talked about you all the time. she was always saying how well you were doing. how you were going to own your own restaurant or be the next big fashion designer.” I let a tear fall down my cheek. that will be the last one until we bury mum.

“I’m going to do both.” Tane smiles as we pull up to dads. that thought hurts me. it’s not mum and dads anymore. it’s just dads.

I say hi to Henly when we arrive although she ignores me most of the time. she’s still bitter with me and I hate it. I kissed Tane, or he kissed me. it was nearly Two years ago. she treated him like crap and for what.

she chose to cheat. she chose to get in that car. she chose to drive drunk. she chose her life. it’s not my fault. I refuse to let her continue to make me feel bad.

dad hugs me and then Tane. he looks so sad now. I don’t know what I would do if I lost Tane. and we aren’t officially together. we all gather in the living room and Tane hands me the gift he was holding on Christmas day.

“Your mum wanted you to have it. it’s for you and Henly.” that’s all he says and when I open it. the tears that I said I wouldn’t let fall, fall. there are two pillows. both decorated with photos of us. Me, Henly. mum and dad, from all over the years.

I hand one to Henly, who takes it gently. all our memories. all our captured moments. all frozen and stitched together. when I look back at Henly, she too is crying. dad is crying and Tane wraps me in a hug. he holds Henlys hand, and we all sit in silence as the lights on the tree twinkle and blink.

Tomorrow is New Year’s Day. the day we say goodbye to one of the best people I’ve even known. but it just makes me more determined to do her proud. it will be a new year. my year.

23: Neve

September 1999

“I’m actually going to miss this place.” Julia looks up at our dorm room for the final time. we packed the car and now we are saying our final goodbyes.

“Me too. but I’m so excited for the next chapter of our lives.” I reply as she does a happy dance. she got a business degree and plans to invest some of her inheritance into a bistro. we have planned everything down to the final detail.

I got my higher-level diploma in hospitality and tourism management. I also took extra classes in interior fashion and design. we have a business plan and one goal in mind.

“Mrs. Taylor called me back. that old bakery is still available. she said we could go look around tomorrow at 10.” I smile at my best friend. it’s been almost Two years since we lost mum, and I think I’ve done her more than proud.

“Sounds perfect. I need to get home. dad has cooked me a celebration dinner. plus, Henly wants me to meet her boo.” Jules rolls her eyes, and we hug goodbye

“See you tomorrow. love you.” I squeeze her tighter and return the phrase. I haven’t been, home in over a year and a half. I talk to dad once a month but it’s mainly to ask if he’s eating and sleeping. he asks me about school and if I’m looking after myself.

I spoke to Henly a few times too. she got her speech after 6 months of therapy and is now fully recovered. the only person I haven’t spoken to is Tane. he made me promise to live my life, finish Uni and come back to him.

the drive back is quiet, traffic is light, and I listen to Alanis Morrisette on repeat. I drive through town and pass the old bakery, slowing down to take a quick look. it’s in a prime location and it’s exciting to think it could be mine and Julia’s.

“Dad. I’m home.” I yell as I walk through the front door. dad rounds the corner with a huge smile on his face. he pulls me in for a hug and we stay like that for a while.

“I’m so glad you finally home munchkin. how was the drive.” he asks taking a good look at me. he looks around like he’s confused, like he’s looking for someone.

“Where your new fella. Henly said you were bringing him home to meet us.” I look at him with furrowed brows.

“What are you talking about. I’m not with anyone; I never have been. you know how I left things with Tane.” dad swallows and gives me a nervous look.

“Why would Henly lie to you all.” I ask.

“She can’t seriously still be mad at me. right.” dad gives me a nervous chuckle and walks into the kitchen. he doesn’t answer me, and he looks guilty.

“Dad.” I ask walking behind him, stopping at the kitchen table.

the back door opens and in walks Henly. closely followed by Tane. the smile that lights my face falls when he looks at me with indifference. he also looks around me for the same mystery man.

“Welcome back Neve. Tane and I have some exciting news to share.” she looks around too. I’m so confused.

“where’s your fella.” I don’t get to answer her before she carries on speaking.

“Never mind. anyway. Tane and I are getting married.” she squeals excitedly as she runs to dad for a hug. Tane looks at me again and then looks away.

the room goes silent. all I hear is my beating heart. the thud, thud in my chest hurts the longer I stare at Henly who is holding her hand up with a shiny ring sparkling on her finger.

“I…” words fail me. she did this on purpose. she made it seem that I had moved on. that I had forgotten Tane, when it couldn’t be further from the truth.

“I don’t have a boyfriend. I never told you that. why did you tell them I did.” she stops me again. her shrill tone causing me to flinch.

“Not now Neve. we are celebrating me and Tane. just be happy for me. you always steal the spotlight. just for once be happy for me. you told me over the phone you had boyfriends, don’t make me out to be a Liar.”

I told her over the phone that I spend time going out with friends, she teased me and asked if any were boys, and I said yes. she then teased me some more singing that I had boyfriends. is it my fault I didn’t correct her.

“Henly. we can celebrate both. Neve just graduated. let’s not argue.” dad snaps at her and looks at me with pity. Tane looks at Henly like she just grew two heads. why are they back together. she killed his brother.

“Sorry dad. I’m not feeling well. can we do this another night, the drive has wiped me out.” dad nods and Henly snorts. Tane grinds his jaw. me, I walk up to my room and collapse on my bed, tears falling from my eyes.

A while later there’s a knock on my door. dad pokes his head in and finds me sitting up leaning against the headboard. he looks so sad and lost. I hate that I spoiled his dinner.

“I’m sorry dad.” he takes my hand when he sits down.

“What are you sorry for. Henly didn’t need to do that. you know what she’s like.” I scoff and he huffs. that’s the sad part, she gets away with it, time and time again.

“Why are they back together. I don’t understand.” I let more tears fall and dad squeezes my hand.

“When you left, he was there for her. he helped with her recovery. she relied on him too much. but he’s too good to turn her away. then she started to fill his head with stories about you. saying you were having the time of your life, you were dating. I never corrected her because we never spoke of such things.”

I look to the window and let out a sorrowful sigh.

“I’m sorry. we only ever asked how each other was. I never thought to ask if you were dating. I knew you and Tane were…close. but I believed Henly when she said you had moved on. I’m so sorry munchkin, I let you down again.”

“You didn’t let me down. my sister did. she knew how I felt about him, she’s always known. I’m still wrapping my head around the fact he has forgiven her for what she did. she never once told me they were back together.” everything is so fucked up.

“I don’t think he’s happy if that helps. he works all the hours, day and night. he’s just like me in that respect. but I think she wore him down. she changed so much when your mum…passed.” he looks to the floor, and I crawl closer to him.

“I miss her.” I whisper and he kisses my head.

“Me to munchkin. me too.” we fall into silence before he gets up and wishes me a goodnight. he then tells me how proud he is before walking out the door.

My head is full of so many questions. why is Henly so intent on hurting me. why did Tane take her back. why is this whole situation so unfair. I’ve waited for him, pined for him and what does he do… he goes back to her.

I roll over in bed and continue to look out of the window. all this time, he told me to live and be happy. he told me to have friends, boyfriends. I scoffed when he said that. I told him it will only ever be him, and he promised me he would wait.

I’ve been a fool, for all these years, I’ve deluded myself. maybe it’s time to move on, find a good man. but deep down I know I will always want him. I will always love him.

24: Tane

“You lied to me.” I’m so angry right now. she fooled me a second time and I want to strangle her.

“How the fuck did I lie. what are you getting so angry about.” Henly shoves past me to enter my flat.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about. you said Neve was dating some guy. you said she was bringing him home to meet us, made it sound serious.” I stand with my hands on my hips. Henly standing across from me.

“Are you angry because Neve didn’t bring a date home. or that you asked me to marry you and now you realize she’s still single.” is she for real right now.

“I’m angry you lied to me. I never asked you to marry me. you put the idea in my head and then brought yourself a ring. Neve isn’t dating anyone, she never was. I could see that plain as day on her face. so why.” she huffs and walks to the bedroom not answering me.

“you’ve had an unhealthy obsession with her since she was 15. that makes you a pervert. what is it about her huh. why can’t you just be happy with me. why does everything revolve around her.” she snaps her teeth at me.

“I’m no more a pervert than you are. don’t be dramatic. I didn’t touch, Neve, never have. but you knew we had history, and you did everything you could to stop it, to split us apart. you even threatened to tell your dad you saw me groping her, who does that.” I’m so sick of this shit, of all her drama.

“So, end it then. go on, kick me out. go running to your little crush. see if I care. I’ll always be second best where Neve is concerned, so go on, kick me out.” she gets undressed and puts on her pajamas.

I don’t know why I thought I could give her a second chance. I’m such an idiot, but I was fucking lonely, and I missed Neve so much.

“Maybe I should. all you’ve ever done is cause me drama. you lie and you take. you take everything I have and give nothing in return, so yeah maybe your right. let’s end it now shall we.” I slam the bathroom door and strip out of my clothes.

Neve and I grew close before her mum died. we shared a few kisses, and she stayed with me when Jude died. when her mum was buried. when Henly was in a hospice. but now I’ve fucked it all, again.

I told her to go back to Uni and live. I told her to meet people and have fun. experience life like a normal 18-year-old. Ronnie never told me once that Neve was dating. he only ever said she was doing well and looking after herself. I’m an idiot to believe Henly after everything she’s done.

Henly told me time and time again. Neve had moved on. found a man. she was happy. then Henly started to come by more and more. she was getting better, we were friends. she got a job again and we were doing ok. it was peaceful.

we weren’t together or anything, but slowly she wormed her way back into my life and I allowed it. I’m so fucking stupid. she lied to me. made me think that Neve had moved on, and I would never have her like I wanted.

that I would never have the only woman I’ve ever loved or cared about. well, I’m not falling for it again. she can get her stuff and move out; the false engagement is off. we are done.

after my shower I find Henly in the kitchen crying.

“Why haven’t you packed yet. we’re done remember. you need to go.” I’m cold and unfeeling. she’s clearly upset, and I don’t care.

“Why am I not good enough for you. just tell me that.” I turn to face her, leaning back against the counter. she looks up at me with red rimmed eyes.

“it’s always been Neve. I didn’t know when I met her, she was 15. I didn’t touch her. I wouldn’t do that. but we became friends. we had a connection. the truth is. I would have waited years for her, I have waited years for her.”

“Is that why you kissed her all those years ago. because she’s the one.” her voice is low and soft. so, I nod.

“She wished for me to kiss her on her 16th birthday. I told her she was too young and to ask me again when she turned 17.” she was still too young, but I made a promise.

“I never meant to hurt you, you know. what happened with… your brother. and when he… I’ve always felt like an outsider. everyone loved Neve more. I was jealous, I’m still jealous. I love you though, I mean it, I do.” I snort because she doesn’t know how to love. she only cares for herself.

“doesn’t change anything. you lied to me. tried to keep me away. it’s over Hen. let’s face facts. we aren’t happy. we never have been, it’s all a lie. you never really wanted me. you just wanted to hurt your sister. just pack your shit and go.” she starts to cry again and wipes her eyes with her sleeve.

people tried to warn me. they told me she wouldn’t change, and I wanted her to prove them wrong. she got a job, but it only lasted a few weeks. she stopped drinking and that only lasted a few days. I was stupid to let her back in.

“I’m pregnant.” my world stops. the room spins and I have to grip the counter before I fall down. it’s been weeks since we had sex. and it was months before that. in total I’ve only slept with Henly a handful of times. the last time was without a condom.

“How far along.” I ask my voice scratchy and low.

“Around 8 or 9 weeks. I’m due to see the doctor tomorrow. I was going to tell you after that.” she shrugs like it’s not a big deal.

“Is it even mine.” I ask and she narrows her eyes at me. now she looks pissed.

“How can you even ask me that. I’m here every night. I sleep in your bed with you, I have done for the last 8 months.”

“So, what do you want to happen here. you want us to stay together for the sake of the baby.” I scoff because she’s delusional.

“I want proof its mine. when I get that I’ll pay you child support and have joint custody. but you’re still leaving.” the tears start again, and I hate it.

“Please Tane. I don’t want our child to grow up with separate parents. we can make it work. I’ll get a job, and we can find a bigger place. we don’t even have to be together. just raise it together.” she sounds insane right now.

“So, we live together. what about when I bring Neve home. because that’s what I’ll do Hen. how will that make you feel. how will it work when you find someone new and want him to come over. do we do shifts. shall we make a calendar on who gets to sleep in the bed.” I raise my voice.

“I’ll get rid of it then.” I’m in front of her in a blink of an eye.

“Like fuck you will, if that’s my kid. I will do what’s right, but me and you. not happening.” I stare down at her. her scrunched up eyes searching my face.

“It is your kid. if you want me to keep it, then you can’t see Neve.” she stands tall, her hands on her hips. I take a deep breath to calm down.

“You would really deny my happiness, your sisters happiness. are you really that cold.” she stands straight. the look in her eyes tells me everything I need to know.

“When its born and I find out it isn’t mine, all bets are off. and if it is mine, when its born and you can’t get rid of it. we work something out that suits us both. take it or leave it. but if you do anything in the meantime to harm it or yourself. I’ll come down on you so hard. you hear me.” I clench and unclench my fists.

eventually she nods her head. I walk away because I can’t stand the sight of her any longer. I just hope Neve can forgive me for this. I hope we can one day get our happily ever after.

25: Neve

“Josh Manning. what a sight for sore eyes.” I can’t contain my smile as he walks into Stella’s. that’s what we named the small bistro. after my mum.

“Neve Castle.” he grins back. he’s wearing black cargo pants and a tight fitted grey top. he has a belt around his waist full of tools.

“Long time no see. how have you been.” I ask. he looks so grown up now. but then he’s 21 so I guess he would be.

“I’m good. just got my full license.” he shakes his belt like I should know what he means.

“Fully qualified electrician, part time builder and trainee plumber.” his soft chuckle makes me smile. he’s so adorable.

“Wow. so, you work with your father now.” I ask and he nods.

“Yeah, he said this place was being renovated. asked me to help him out. If I had known, it was you who bought it. I would have come by sooner.” he has a shy smile.

“And why is that, Josh Manning.” I tease as Jules winks at me from where she stands near the door talking to another contactor.

we bought the old Bakery Three months ago. we got a partial loan from the bank. Julia placed 20 thousand pounds of her own money in, and dad surprised me with another 15.

Now we are knocking down a wall that separates the kitchen from the main eating area. we want our customers to be able to see the full process of where their food is prepared and baked.

“I had a huge crush on you in high school.” he blurts that out and I see Jules’s chuckle. she’s now talking with his dad. Paul Manning.

“You did. I never knew.” I genuinely didn’t know. he was always quiet and shy. but he has a nice smile.

“Well now you do. maybe I can take you out some time.” he smiles, and I blush. he’s the first person to ever ask me out, apart from the boy at the beach all those years ago.

“Oh, wow. that’s… wow…I’m not saying no. but I am saying no right now. I have a lot on and with all this…” I wave my hands around the room.

“You understand.” he nods and keeps smiling. he really is cute. with his shaggy blonde hair which is long on the top and short on the sides.

“I understand. it’s cool. things are picking up with us too. I work long hours, weekends too. but I love what I do. just let me know if you change your mind.” we share another smile, and his dad calls him over.

I left the remodeling to Jules. I’m in charge of ordering furniture and choosing color for the walls and floor. it’s my specialty after all. but all hiring of staff is a joint decision.

“He is so adorable.” Jules says walking back over to me. that’s when Gabe shows up and she squeals running into his arms.

despite everything she said to him about going to Uni and not wanting to be serious. he waited for her. he came to Cambridge and spent time with her. he took her out, took her on vacation. Gabe is a good guy.

“I was just telling Neve how adorable Josh is.” Gabe looks down at her with such devotion it’s sickening. he arches his brows and looks at me.

“He is. I was thinking the same thing. but it’s not the right time. In fact, it’s the wrong time and place.” I can’t stop my heart hurting. I still think of Tane as mine, even though I’ve not seen him in over Three months.

dad doesn’t say much when I call in to see him. I moved out of the family home when we bought the old Bakery. Jules and I now live in the Two-bedroom flat above and we love it.

“I know babe. I know where your heart is, and it will get easier. I promise.” Gabe kisses her head and gives me a look of sympathy. he knows all about my past with Tane and my sister.

Jules asked me how I felt if Gabe moved in, and I was excited for it. I don’t expect her to live with me forever. eventually they will get married and start a family.

“Dad.” I can’t believe my eyes. my dad is here and in the middle of the day.

“Hey munchkin. just wanted to drop in and see how everything was going. the place looks so different already.” he looks around with wide eyes.

“I can’t believe your here, in working hours. are you unwell.” I tease feeling his head. he bats my hand away playfully.

“Cheeky little shit. I’m on a lunch break. I do eat you know. just came to grab me and Tane some lunch.” just hearing his name twists my guts.

“How is he.” I find myself asking and Jules and Gabe wonder away.

“Not good. I have something to tell you and you’re not going to like it.” I brace myself for the worst. how much worse could it get.

“Ok… does it have to do with Henly.” I choke out the words and he, nods. I close my eyes because I know what he’s going to say, and it breaks me.

“she’s pregnant isn’t she.” he nods again, and I clutch my stomach.

“Oh god. I feel sick.” the room spins, and dad catches me by the arm and sits me on a nearby stool.

Jules brings me a bottle of water and rubs my back, concern on her face. I knew he must have been sleeping with her, but this is too much. it’s all too much.

“Listen to me. it’s not what you think. he’s not happy and he says she trapped him. he doesn’t even think it’s his. he confided in me. but Henly threatened to get rid of it if he comes anywhere near you.” I look up my dad’s face and it’s blurred by my tears.

“Why would she do that to him. what is wrong with her. dad… you have to do something. help him.” I’m hyperventilating. my chest is tight with worry and anger.

how could she do this to him. what has he done to deserve her to do this to him. I hate her so much right now.

“As soon as the baby is born, he will get a test done. but regardless of if it’s his or not. he told her he wants to be with you. I gave him my full blessing Neve. he’s a good man.” I agree, he is.

“But in order for her to keep it. he said he would stay away. that’s her terms. I’m sorry love. I know it’s not wat you want to hear right now. believe me, I’m angry with her too. but that’s why he hasn’t been around and it’s killing him.”

“What if it is his. will he stay with her. what does it all mean.” Jules takes me in her arms, and I fall apart. dad quietly crouching down beside me.

“Regardless of if it’s his or not. he still wants to be with you. trust me love. he will fight for you. he will fight for joint custody. she won’t be able to do anything about you being together once the baby is born. he will be able to do as he pleases.” I wipe my tears.

“Is she still living with him.” I ask and he shakes his head.

“no. she moved back home. she had her 20-week scan yesterday. she’s having a boy.” he looks proud, but then why wouldn’t he. even after all the shit she’s done, he will still get to be a grandparent.

My heart cracks in Two. the whole situation is messed up and at the center of it all is Henly. we just had Christmas, my first one since being home and we didn’t see her the entire day. dad was disappointed.

“How long have you known.” I ask him, feeling hurt that he hid it from me.

“I only found out Yesterday when she showed me the scan picture. Tane was the one who didn’t want you to know. Henly is small so I didn’t see she was showing.” he shakes his head again and I can see how run down he is.

None of this is my dad’s fault. it’s all Henly, and maybe a little bit of Tane.

“So now we just wait. am I supposed to sit around until he decides the right time. put my life on hold for him. it’s all I’ve ever done.” anger surges through my blood.

“You know what. fuck that. he made choices that landed him where he is. he chose to stay with her, sleep with her. I’m done.” I stand up abruptly and stand to the side.

“I’m not waiting anymore. tell him from me. I’m done.” I turn and walk away. my heart falling through the cracks in my ribs. it’s all too much and I feel like running away and never coming back.

26: Neve

February 2004

“Happy birthday bestie.” Jules comes running into our little kitchen with a cake held into her hands. she always gets excited about birthdays and Christmas.

“You didn’t. we said no celebrating this year. I’m too old.” she snorts and puts the cake down, Gabe walking into the kitchen at that same moment.

“Babe. your 24, not a granny. tonight, we are going out, you, me, Gabe and Josh.” I look to my cake again and blow out the single candle.

“Fine. but nothing heavy.” I warn and she giggles as Gabe gets coffee for them both.

we still live in the little flat above Stellas. Gabe asked Jules to marry him on New Year’s Eve and she said yes. it was a beautiful moment and one I’m blessed to be a part of.

“Oh, guess what. I heard from Amber last night. she and Camron are getting a divorce.” I roll my eyes at her excitement.

Amber and Camron have been married for Three years. they have a little girl together, but Amber found out Camron has been sleeping about again and kicked him out.

“I doubt it. she will have him back again withing a week. same old same.” I shrug not really caring what Amber does or doesn’t do.

“True. she kicked him out when she was pregnant. then took him back when the baby was born. I couldn’t be in a relationship like that.” Gabe pulls her to his body and kisses her hair.

“You never will be in a relationship like that. I love you too damn much.” they share a kiss and that’s my call to leave the room.

“Hey. you didn’t open your gift.” Jules calls me back and hands me a square box. I smile and open the wrapping.

“Jules. this is amazing.” I pull out the small photo frame. it’s a picture of me and dad standing outside Bella’s when it officially opened.

“Thank you.” I say kissing her cheek. Bella’s has grown. it’s been classed as one of the best bistros in the whole of town. we even had a visit from Gandon Ramsy.

dad still works in the garage. it’s been expanded and now has Seven people working there. Nigal is still the boss. the only difference is that Tane no longer works there.

He left town when Henly lost the baby at 28 weeks. she had a massive bleed and baby Ryan was in the Nic U for Three weeks until his little body gave up. Henly has been living in Scotland for the last Three years.

“Josh still planning to take you away next weekend.” Jules asks breaking my thoughts. Kind sweet Josh, my best friend. my safety blanket.

he’s always wanted more from me, but I couldn’t give it to him. we tried for a while to be in a relationship, but the connection just wasn’t there. but I love him like a brother.

“Yeah. he said he will go over the details with me later when he calls in.” Jules nods and Gabe leaves to go and get ready for work. Jules has always rooted for us, but my heart just isn’t in it.

“Well, come on then. we have work to do, miss baker of the year.” I laugh at her silly comment. I made baker of the year last year when my Apple crumble was entered into the summer fate competition. I won first prize and had my picture taken for the paper.

once in the kitchen, we work side by side to get all the morning pastries made and into the oven. we then ice buns and cream cakes. Jules serves the customers with Milly who is 17 and earning extra money for college, while I make small Quishes and fresh sausage rolls.

Around 10, Josh wonders into the cafe and wraps me in a bear hug. Josh is taller than me, his arms are thick and strong. he smells like sawdust and strong coffee. its uniquely him.

“Happy birthday to you.” he sings in my ear he rocks me from side-to-side making me giggle.

“Thank you.” I sigh as he pulls a gift from behind his back. I smile and unwrap it.

“Josh. its beautiful.” the delicate chain holds a ruby red heart.

“Saw it and thought of you.” he shrugs. I still wear the same necklace that Tane got me for my 17th birthday. I hug him kissing his cheek.

“Will you tell me where we are going next weekend now.” he bops me on the nose playfully.

“Never. but you will love it.” I give him a pout and he, laughs.

“So. tonight. Jules tells me we are all going clubbing.” I groan and turn away from him.

“I told her nothing heavy. I hate the club scene.” I moan as he leans again the counter before stealing a small sausage roll.

“I told her that too. you know what she’s like.” he grins, and I smack his hand when he tries to grab a quiche.

My phone vibrates on the counter. its Nokia 5100. this texting thing is actually really cool. dad has one too and we stay in touch daily. he also speaks with Henly on the regular too.

“That your dad.” Josh asks and I nod reading his happy birthday text.

“Yeah. having a mobile phone is weird.” we both laugh. Josh a Nokia 3300 which is newer than mine. but who cares. he pulls his out and kisses me on the cheek.

“I gotta go. I’m on a big job today, but I’ll see you tonight.” he winks as he walks out the door.

the rest of the day is a breeze. Milly leaves around 2 and we close at 4. I drive to the garage to see dad, taking any leftover pies for him and the others.

Nigal is only too happy to eat no less than three Danish pastries, Two cookies and a blueberry muffin. dad accepts a sausage roll and Goldie takes a slice of vanilla cake. His name is Goldie because of his gold teeth.

“Happy birthday munchkin.” dad hands me a small box with some chocolates. the box holds a gold watch, which he had inscribed “my munchkin, my heart.”

he’s nothing but a big softie, oh and did I mention that he’s been seeing a woman called Sam. she owns a salon and has a horse. she’s really sweet and good for dad.

“I spoke to Henly last night, asked when you’re going to go see her.” dad has asked me this for last few months. he drives up to see her every 6 months. this year he will take Sam.

“You know how it is with us. how things were left between us. she’s doing great and I’m happy for her. but as far as relationships go, we don’t have one.” dad hugs me, he understands.

“I spoke to Tane last week.” I snap my head up to his.

“Is he ok. where is he.” I ask waiting for him to speak.

“he’s in Brighton. got his own garage. working on classic cars.” my heart swells with pride.

“that’s good. is he with… anyone… is he happy.” the words choke me. even after all this time.

“he’s doing good. he’s not a relationship. busy with work. but he asked about you.” tears fall down my cheeks. it’s been over Three years since I’ve seen him.

“He asked me to give you, his number.” dad hands me a piece of paper. I can contact Tane. Talk to him, hear his voice. my heart is thudding in my chest.

we say our goodbyes and I drive home. Jules and Josh are taking me out tonight. now I feel like celebrating. Now I feel like something good can come from all this. just maybe all this heartache has been worth it.

27: Neve

“that’s it. all packed.” I huff as I drag my small suitcase from the bed to the floor.

“you’ll have a fab time. Josh has planned everything down to the minute.” Jules smiles as she walks with me to the small living room.

when we went clubbing the other night and I have to admit it was a blast. we danced for hours, and I let myself go, I let myself get lost in the moment. Josh has always been fun to be around.

“I know I will. I just wish he would tell me where we are going.” I huff and sit down on the sofa.

“He didn’t tell me too much. but I think you’ll like it. just imagine lights. candy floss, popcorn and the seaside.” I raise my brow at her. doesn’t know my arse. but in the end, I don’t try to guess.

“Did you see the fair is in town.” I ask glumly while she nods.

“Yeah. it’s been years since we went.” her reply, cuts deep in my heart.

“I’m sorry. it’s all my fault we don’t go anymore.” I reply as she sits next to me.

“don’t be silly. after… that night. I knew you didn’t want to go again. Henly spoiled a lot for you over the years. not just the fair.” she squeezes my hand and leans her head on my shoulder.

“She did. I haven’t spoken to her in years, and I can’t find it in me to forgive her for what she did. dad wants me to go to Scotland to visit her. apparently, she’s in a serious relationship now.”

I pull the small piece of paper from my pocket, the one that has Tane’s number on it. I show it to Jules, and she whips her head up to look at me.

“Where did you find it.” she whispers, knowing what it means.

“Dad speaks to him. he asked him to give it to me, he wants me to call him.” I look down at the 12 numbers on the paper.

“Are you going to.” she asks, and I shrug.

“I don’t know. I mean, what would we talk about. he left with a broken heart, didn’t say goodbye to me. I feel it may be too late for us now.” I feel a tear slip down my cheek.

“Oh Neve. it’s never too late. if he wants you to call, then call. hear him out. your older now. what’s stopping you.” I guess she’s right. there’s no Henly in the way anymore. I’m single and so is he.

that’s when Josh comes in, his cheeks flushed, and hair tussled. he looks to my bags and back to me with a wide goofy grin.

“You ready for a fun filled weekend buttercup.” Josh claps his hands and rubs them together. he’s so excited for this.

“Yes. I uh, sorry. “I wipe my eyes and stand up to accept his hug.

“Why are you crying. what happened.” he holds my face in his hands, his eyes roaming up and down, left and right.

“Nothing. I’m just being silly. I think I’m tired, this weekend is just what I need.” I wrap my arms around him and breath him in.

“She needs lots of fun, hugs and naps.” Jules speaks from behind me.

“That I can do. come on, lets hit the road, it’s a 2-hour drive.” Josh picks up my case and rolls it out the door.

“Have fun. both of you.” Jules waves as I hug her and follow Josh down to his ford pick-up.

we listen to green day sing about when September ends. we laugh as we sing. we watch the world whizz by from the inside of his car as Gwen Stefani sings about a hollow back girl.

we listen to Marron 5 and Usher, both of us content and comfortable. we hit the outskirts of Brighton, and I smile knowing what Jules said about Candy floss and popcorn.

“Are we going to the fair.” I chuckle as Josh smiles back at me. as much as I don’t want to go, I wouldn’t do that to Josh.

“We are. the weather reports say it’s going to be a scorcher. thought we could go to the fair. lay on the beach and swim in the sea.” we drive along the front and stop outside a bed and breakfast.

the large Victorian style house is pretty. the front is pink. it looks clean and well maintained. Josh parks the truck, and we climb out. the sea air already calming me.

“let’s get checked in and then go and find some food.” I follow him inside with our bags and we meet the owner who is a lady in her 60’s. she is small and bubbly.

“Welcome to the pink parade. I’m Wendy and if you need anything at all during your stay. just give me a holler.” Josh thanks her and I smile.

we head up one floor to room 11 and my heart instantly settles when I see 2 twin beds. Josh thought of everything. Not that I haven’t slept in the same bed as him. but we aren’t together, and I don’t want to lead him on.

“This is nice. we have Tea and Coffee.” I say picking up the small kettle.

“They gave us shampoo too.” Josh yells from the bathroom. when he comes back out, he joins me at the window.

the view is amazing. the sea looks calm and inviting. people walk along the front, kids running with hands full of toys and sweets. parents walk hand in hand laughing at whatever they are talking about. an elderly couple pass with a dog on a lead.

“let’s go get food. I’m starving.” Josh pulls my hand, and we make our way back out into the afternoon sun.

I love the seaside. the smell. the memories of coming here with mum, dad and Henly when I was small. I love the arcades, the slot machines. the noise.

“We are only a few minutes’ walk to the fair. we can stop in before it closes if you like.” I nod along as he talks excitedly.

we stop and get burgers, eating them on a bench. we then get doughnuts and eat them while we walk. we talk about life and love. we laugh as Josh randomly tries to win me a teddy bear from a man with a wooden leg.

The fair is still busy, kids screaming, running around. The roller coaster rumbles above us as we walk between the stalls. we watch as the giant swing glides back and forth carrying 20 people high in the air and spinning them around.

we stop near the dodgems and that’s when I see him. My Tane. he’s spinning cars and laughing at girls who throw their hands up and scream. he goes from car to car as the music plays.

my heart is thumping so hard in my chest I’m surprised he doesn’t hear it.

He looks so good up there. he has more muscle now. his hair is longer, wind swept. but his eyes. those green eyes land on me for a split second and the world stops. the noise fades. the lights dim and I want to run and hide.

Josh pulls me towards the water ride. a log flume that guarantees you get a wet butt. Tane can’t do a thing about it because the ride is still spinning. then… he just disappears.

28: Tane

My eyes are deceiving me. Neve. my Newt is standing right there, looking at me. I wouldn’t miss that beautiful face. that stunning body. her long hair that can’t decide if its brown or black.

I moved here 3 years ago. a new start after Henly lost our baby. my baby boy. well, not lost him but the things she did led her to have him early and he didn’t make it.

a part of my soul shattered that day. after I lost Jude, then… the baby because I can’t say his name. I also lost Neve. it was never supposed to be this way, be this hard.

I used my saving to open my own shop. I restore classic cars and help out on the fair on the weekends. if I sit still for too long, I get depressed. I drink and travel down a dark path.

“I’m taking a break.” I yell to Phil who runs the dodgems. he nods and starts the ride up again. Rusty will have to do it on his own for a bit.

I need to find her. she was with a man, not that I care. she has every right to be with someone. a big part of me hopes she’s happy, but a small part hopes she misses me like I miss her.

I look towards where she last was, but she’s gone. I hoped she would have called me by now. but maybe that’s wishful thinking. I still speak to Ronnie on the regular. he fills me in on everything Neve.

I walk endlessly around the park. but she just vanished. I stop by the rollercoaster and wait to see if I can spot her, pulling a smoke from the packet and lighting it up. after nearly 30 minutes I admit defeat and make my way back to the dodgems.

“Hey handsome.” I spin on the spot to see Kelly walking towards me. Rusty is her brother and a good friend of mine. Kelly and I hook up from time to time.

“Hey Kel. you here to see Rust.” I ask as she comes to stand in front of me.

“You, actually. we haven’t seen each other for a few weeks. I miss you.” she purrs and my stomach knots.

“I’ve been busy. you know how it is.” I try to sound bored, but she just gets closer to me instead.

“I can think of a way to make you not so bored.” she runs her long nails up my arm and I step away from her.

“No thanks. I’m working all weekend. then I have to finish a car for a client by Friday next week.” she looks disappointed, but I can’t seem to care.

“I’m not good enough for you now, is that it.” she looks hurt, and I curse under my breath.

“it’s not like that. you know the deal. I don’t do girlfriends.” she nods and blinks away a tear. Kelly is a lovely person. she’s kind and grounded. she has a wicked sense of humor too.

“I’m not asking for marriage Tane. just some fun, like we used to have, you remember right.” I look into her blue eyes and feel nothing.

I run my hand through my hair. it needs cutting. but I don’t have the time.

“Let me cook for you. you always liked my food.” it’s true I did. she’s a great cook. I ponder for a few minutes, my eyes scanning the crowd for Neve.

“it’s just food Tane. it doesn’t have to lead to anything.” she continues, and I relent.

“Fine. that sounds really good actually. thanks.” she smiles up at me and we arrange for her to come over later and cook. with my mood in the gutter, I clock off early and head home.

I brought my house with saving I had from the garage. it’s a small 2 bed ranch style house that sits close to the sea. I have a large barn type shed behind where I fix up old cars and do miner details.

I enter the front door and kick off my boots. I head for the shower just as my phone alerts me to a message. but I need a shower more, the fair can be hard work and I’m sweaty.

I can’t get the look on Neve’s face out of my head. she looks good. healthy, happy. I choke on the thought and wash my hair. she’s done so well for herself, opening her own business. I’m fucking proud of her.

Finally in some basketball shorts and no top, I grab a beer from the fridge and down it. I pick up my phone and see a text from a number I don’t know. my heart stutters when I see what’s on the screen.

Unknown: You look good, my Tane.

its Neve. she finally reached out to me, and I could dance on the spot. I need to message her back; it’s been over 30 minutes now. but what do I say, how do I start a conversation.I save her number and reply.

Tane: Thanks, I think. why didn’t you come say Hi, my Newt.

I feel like a schoolboy getting a text from his crush. my hands are shaking waiting for her to reply.

Newt: sorry. I was with a friend. you looked busy.

Tane: never too busy for you. come see me. are you staying in town long?

Newt: just the weekend. Josh surprised me for my birthday.

so, his name is Josh., and he surprised her for her birthday. how could I forget when that is. I haven’t. I still remember her 17th, when I kissed her for the first time.

Tane: come to the house. come have dinner with me. Josh is welcome too.

I feel acid burn in my throat when I type it. I want her here all alone. just me and her. then I remember Kelly coming over and suddenly I want to cancel.

Newt: its late now and we ate. can we do tomorrow instead?

That could work. I could start up the grill and cook us some steaks. Neve always had a good appetite. as much as I don’t want Josh here. ill suck it up to spend time with Neve.

Tane: Tomorrow is perfect. I’ll light the grill. say around 6?

Newt: sounds perfect. send me the address.

I send it straight away and wait for a reply, but it doesn’t come. I slump down on a kitchen chair and look out the window. it’s getting dark now. Kelly will be here soon.

tomorrow she will be here, in my home. I will get to stand close to her. smell her skin. breath in her hair. god… I’m losing it. but fuck me I’ve missed her. just talking to her and laughing with her.

Kelly arrives at 7 and cooks me some lamb chops. she brings an apple crumble and even I have to admit it tastes nothing like the one Neve cooked. but I try to enjoy her company until it gets late, and she leaves.

29: Neve

“This is the same Tane who chose Henly over you.” Josh is pacing the room, his hands behind his head. he’s frustrated with me.

“Yes. he was my friend. we had a connection, but I was too young. Henly took him from me.” I’m frustrated too.

“So now what. he calls and you go running. what about me, our weekend.” now he sounds like a child.

“it’s not like that. it’s just dinner and to say Hi. me and you…” I pause for a beat.

“it’s always been him Josh. me and you would never work, you know how I feel.” he lets out a deep sigh and comes to sit next to me.

“I’m sorry. this is our weekend, I ruined it didn’t I.” I lay my hand on top of his. he looks so lost and sad right now.

“I just wanted you to relax. you work so hard, and yeah, a small part of me hopes one day you will want me back. but I get it.” I wrap my arms around his body and squeeze him.

“We tried. I just don’t feel that way. I love you so much Josh. your one of my best friends and I love that you did this for me. today has been so much fun. but I need to see him, for closure, or whatever.” I mumble because I’m still not sure if there will ever be a me and Tane.

“I love you too Neve. more than you’ll ever know. but I get it. the heart wants what it wants.” he gets up and heads for the shower.

“Maybe we could meet in town for dinner. we could go together. one-hour tops. we could say hi and then leave.” I try to justify why I want to go. why I need to go, but Josh just looks defeated.

“Take my truck. go, do your thing. I’ll be here when you get back.” now I feel like the worst friend ever. I’m so conflicted. if I go, I hurt Josh. If I stay, I hurt myself by not seeing the one man who holds my heart.

“I don’t want to hurt you Josh and I don’t want to lose you.” the sob that leaves my mouth is ugly and Josh drops to his knees before me. he cradles my head in his hands.

“I get it. I do. look at me please.” when I look up, his eyes are filled with tears and I hate it, I hate me right now. we could have been so good together.

“If I was in your shoes and I had the chance to be with the love of my life, I would go. there is not one single thing that would stop me from going. will I be hurt, yes. but I’m a grown man. I can take it. does it suck that you don’t want me that way. yes. but I’ll get over it. don’t feel bad for needing to do this. please. now put a smile on your face and get going.” he kisses my forehead and lingers for a moment.

“I love you, Neve. you won’t ever lose me, that I can promise.” he gets up and a few seconds later I hear the bathroom door close. I tell myself I’ll give him one hour of my time. one hour to close this chapter or move on.

The drive to Tane’s is not long. 20 minutes and I’m pulling into a lane that is separate from the road. the house looks cute and well maintained. you wouldn’t think to find something this pretty in the UK, but the house looks magical.

I step out of the truck and look around. the sun is setting but it’s still warm. the birds are still singing, flying around ready to settle for the night. the breeze skims my arms in a loving kiss.

I look up to the house and there he is. my Tane, standing at the door, leaning against it, looking every bit as good as when I saw him yesterday. he’s in grey joggers and a white top, bear feet.

“Hi.” I approach cautiously.

“Hi.” he repeats as I get closer.

“This place is beautiful Tane.” he inhales and stands taller as I walk up the three steps towards him.

“Thank you. I restored it when I move here Three years ago.” he stands his ground, not moving. just our breathing can be heard.

“Thank you for inviting me. Josh was… uh, he couldn’t make it.” he nods and steps aside for me to enter.

“Is he your boyfriend.” that stops me, our bodies a few inches apart. he smells just like he used too. fresh washing and soap. his eyes roam my face, my eyes doing the same. time has stopped as we silently wait.

“No. he’s a good friend.” he nods accepting my answer. but we still don’t move. I play with my hands as he stands with his arms down at his sides.

“Tane…” I start to say something, anything. but he stops me with his lips on mine. a kiss I have waited for. a kiss that steals my breath from my lungs. a kiss that breaks my heart and heals it in one foul swoop.

Tane pushes me against the wall. my body fully flush with his. I can feel how hard he is, and I moan when he deepens the kiss. my hands running up his back and into his hair. his right hand gropes my arse and his left finds the back of my neck.

“I’ve waited for you since you were 15. I made shitty mistakes, horrible decisions. I hurt a lot of people, you included and I’m so fucking sorry Newt. I’m so sorry for everything. you’re my forever and I love you.” I don’t get to reply as he kisses me again. his tongue sweeping inside my mouth making my legs go weak.

after the make out session we finally separate and Tane cooks me steak and chips. we eat outside and we talk. we talk about everything. about Henly, the baby. we talk about me and my life. we talk about a possible future, and what we want to do next.

before I go, I use the bathroom and empty my bladder. Tane is a great cook, his steak was one of the best I’ve ever had. I didn’t drink alcohol because I’m driving. but when I leave the bathroom, I don’t expect to see Tane, talking with a woman. a beautiful woman at that.

“I just wanted to say last night was great. I had fun. maybe we could do it again sometime. just like we used too.” my heart drops and I feel like my insides are curdling. of course he has a past, he’s a man.

“it was. but you know how I feel Kel. you shouldn’t have come here, not now.” so I wasn’t supposed to see her. great, now I feel stupid. I steal my spine and walk towards the front door.

Tane looks at me as I approach and the woman who was smiling looks at me with a face I can’t read. is that sympathy, or sadness. I keep walking until I get to the truck. maybe this was closure for me. maybe Tane and I are never meant to be together.

“Neve, wait. please don’t go. let me explain.” I spin on the spot and watch the woman take a step back. Kel was it. Kelly. she’s stunning.

“it’s ok Tane. I didn’t expect you to stay celibate. I just don’t want it rubbed in my face, again. this was nice, it was good to see you again, have closure.” I hate it. I hate everything that has led to this moment.

“it’s not like that. Kelly and I…” I hold up my hand to stop him. Kelly looks guilty and plays with her hands.

“I said it was fine. you say you waited for me. but in reality, you didn’t. but just so you know. I waited for you. I am always waiting for you, and I’m done. this is Henly all over again.” I feel the tears sting my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall.

Tane looks shocked by my confession and his eyes almost bug form his head.

“Kelly and I have a past, but it’s not like that. she knows the deal. it’s you Neve. it’s always been you.” he tries to convince me but I’m not listening anymore. he’s had Three years to come back to me and he didn’t.

“You know what the kicker is Tane. it’s always been you too. you’re the love of my life, ever since I was 15… I waited. I waited while you were with my sister. I waited with a broken heart. I waited for you god damn it.” I’m yelling now. the tears I said I wouldn’t let fall, fall.

“I waited till I was older. but you chose Henly over me. I waited again when I came back from Cambridge. again, you chose Henly. I lost my mum. you lost… we both lost so much. but I waited. I waited Tane and you didn’t.” I sob as he wraps his arms around me. his touch makes my heart bleed harder.

30: Neve

The drive back to town is filled with quiet sobbing. I listen to Roxette sing about love being over now. it hurts so much. I waited for so long and for what. he didn’t wait for me. he moved on and it hurts.

after my melt down, I was introduced to Kelly. who is probably one of the sweetest women I’ve ever met. she explained their situation and told me he talked about me all the time.

she said she knew he was in love with me, but he was in a dark place, and she was worried for him. I’m glad he had her, but it still hurts when I think about it. she told me not to give up on him, to fight for him.

but that all I’ve ever done is fight for him. it’s always been one sided and I’m so confused over it.

“How did it go.” Josh takes one look at me and I fall into his arms.

“I’m so sorry buttercup. what happened.” he asks because he genuinely cares for me, not because he was hoping it would end this way. I compose myself and we sit.

“We had dinner. we talked. we…kissed. then…” I hiccup and stare off to the side. does Josh really need to hear this.

“Hey. look at me. I’m here for you, I care how you feel, whatever you need.” I lean on him for support and begin to tell him everything that happened. he doesn’t say a word. he doesn’t cuss Tane of call him names.

“So, you want to go back. have dinner before we leave. what are you thinking.” Tane asked me to go back again tomorrow before we leave. he wants a do over. said he would invite Kelly so I could get to know her. understand why he needed her. said to bring Josh because he wants to meet the man who has been my crutch.

“I don’t know Josh. I’m confused. tell me what I should do. be honest with me.” I look into his eyes, and he smiles.

“I think it could be a good idea. and I’m always honest with you. you love him, he loves you. this Kelly woman sounds interesting.” he muses, and I push his shoulder playfully.

“she’s beautiful Josh. maybe you could ask her out.” I wiggle my brows at him, and he scoffs.

“I doubt that. but maybe this could be a good thing. closure like you said. or the next step to something wonderful.” we put a hold on it and get ready for bed. I’m exhausted from all the crying.

“Josh.” I say into the darkness.

“Neve.” he counters back, and I smile.

“I’ve had a wonderful weekend. thank you for bringing me and being the best person a girl like me could ask for.” he doesn’t reply as I turn over and fall asleep just as he whispers, “your welcome buttercup”.

---

The Two men in my life are meeting for the first time. we are standing in the front yard of Tane’s home, and I can see Kelly already standing on the front porch.

“Josh.” he holds out his hand to Tane and Tane shakes it.

“Tane.” it’s a little awkward but Tane looks at me and smiles.

“Thanks for coming back.” he coughs awkwardly and scratches his neck.

“Come meet Kelly.” he nods towards Josh who guides me with his hand on my spine.

Josh and Kelly make small talk as I stand with Tane while he cooks. the afternoon air is fresh and warm. Tane looks at me more often than not, a smile on his lips.

“What has you smiling so often.” I tease falling back into our usual banter.

“He nods towards Josh and Kelly again and I follow his gaze. Josh is leaning into Kelly as he talks about his job. Kelly listens to ever word and giggles every few seconds.

“she’s a good woman Newt. she held me together in my darkest moments.” he finally tells me, and I flinch. that should have been my job.

“I know what you’re thinking and believe me. you would not have wanted to see me like that. I would not have wanted you to see me like that. I was a mess, drinking, smoking. being reckless.” regardless, she got a piece of him I never will.

“I just feel cheated. like we have lost so many years and even now. we live Two hour away from one and other. I have a business. friends, family.” I sink down to one of the chairs and stare out into the distance.

Tane drops down in front of me. Josh and Kelly long forgotten.

“I’m not asking you give it all up for me. I would never do that. we could make this work, in whatever capacity that is. I love you; I meant it Newt. you’re my person, you always have been and I’m sorry it took me this long to realize it. to act on it. I was a coward and…” I stop him with my hand on his mouth.

“No more talking about the past. we need to move on, look towards a future. we need to forgive and forget. I love you. I always have you know this. we can make it work.” I lean down to kiss his soft lips. it’s not a deep kiss. just one that says I’m all in.

“Have you spoken to Henly at all in the last three years.” he shakes his head no. dad said as much but I needed to know.

“She, messages me now again. but I don’t reply. mainly when it’s the anniversary of…” he stops and closes his eyes. I know losing baby Liam would have killed him.

“I’m sorry that happened to you.” I stroke his face, and he leans into me. he then stands up and continues cooking his burgers. I understand this is hard for him to talk about, so I won’t push him.

we eat food and drink wine. well, they do, I don’t drink because I told Josh to let loose, and I would drive us home. even when Tane offered us to stay the night, I still didn’t drink because suddenly I feel shy and nervous.

“You sure that’s ok. we don’t want to impose.” Josh slurs as Kelly giggles beside him. I think those two have a great future ahead of them. Josh deserves it.

“I’m sure. you’ll have to share with Kelly, if that’s alright with her.” Tane asks and Josh wiggles his brows playfully at Kelly.

“You ok with that.” she nods energetically and Tane raises a brow at me. that means I will be sleeping in the same bed as Tane. my heart thuds so hard in my chest.

“Good. I’m glad that’s settled.” Tane looks at me and smiles. everything has led to this moment. ever since I was 15, I have wanted this man. now I feel he is finally mine.

we clean up the dishes and Kelly helps a fumbling Josh into the spare room. I don’t expect sparks to fly tonight because he is as drunk as a skunk. but only good thing can come from this weekend.

Tane takes my hand in his and leads me to his room. it’s not overly big with a Kingsize bed. a small chest of draws and a matching wardrobe near the window. his covers are light brown made of silk, and he said they remind him of my eyes.

“Lay with me.” he asks pulling me down fully clothed onto the bed. we lay face to face as he watches me for a while. his green eyes dance over every inch of my face. his hand rubbing my hip making me feel warm.

31: Neve

he kisses me then. his soft lips covering my mouth, his tongue dancing with my own. his body pressed to mine. our legs tangle together. he kisses me for what feels like eternity.

he helps me to slip off my top and I help him to take off my shorts. I’m now laying in just my bra and knickers. he looks down my body, his hands running over all my exposed flesh and I shiver.

he takes off his own top and shorts and we lay like that. his body rubbing against mine as we kiss and lick, suck and devour. my body is hot, but his is hotter. my hands in his hair as he sucks on my neck.

I look into his eyes and ask the question I’m afraid to voice. it’s my first time and for 24 that’s old, embarrassing. but he smiles and kisses away my fears.

“I’ll go slow. I won’t hurt you Newt. not now. not ever again.” he takes off my bra and looks at my breasts. he runs his hand over the soft globe and tweaks my nipple. it feels good.

he licks me and sucks on me. he strokes my skin lovingly. he moves over my body and pulls my knickers down. his eyes never leaving my face. my body trembles but in a good way.

“Relax baby. keep your eyes on me.” I do and he takes my breath away. his fingers skim the inside of my thighs, and I jolt. I wasn’t expecting it to feel so good. I mean, I touch myself, but this is different.

“Let it all go. just feel me.” he kisses me again and his fingers slide over my clit, my outer lips and inside. he’s gentle and knows exactly what he’s doing. my head is fuzzy with all the good feels.

he slides lower until his face is right down there. he spreads my legs wider so he can fit his large shoulders closer. I close my legs slightly and he tuts at me.

“No baby. open them wide for me. good girl.” holy hell. did he just call me a good girl. who is this man. was he like this with Henly. No, I can’t think of that right now.

he licks my clit, and I jump making him chuckle. “Stay right here baby.” he whispers as he continues to lick and suck on my sensitive flesh. his fingers press to my entrance, and I groan.

holy hell. this feels amazing. he feels amazing. his mouth, is tongue. Oh god, his tongue. its dancing over my clit. flicking it rapidly. his fingers inside my body, touching a spot I never knew existed.

“Come on my face Newt. come on my mouth.” his words do something to me. my legs are shaking so bad right now. he sucks on my clit and its game over. I grab his hair and let out a soft yell.

my breathing is labored. the room slowly comes back into view as he slides his body back up mine. his chest rubbing my sensitive nipples. he smiles as he licks his lips.

“You taste like sin.” he smirks, and I slap his shoulder. he kisses me and while he is distracted, I reach down to free his cock. its long and hard. but silky smooth in my hand. he gasps when I touch him.

he pulls his boxers off completely and leans back on his heels. he strokes his cock, and I watch in awe. I want to taste him, but he shakes his head slowly.

“If you put me in that mouth of yours, ill blow my load in a second. I want to feel you on the inside, the way I have wanted to for years.” that should sound creepy, but I know what he means. Tane doesn’t have a devious bone in his body.

he leans closer to me and opens the draw beside me. he grabs a condom, and I blush. I stop his movements wanting to feel him, all of him and he seems to understand.

“You, sure.” I nod and he puts the condom down.

“I want nothing between us. I want all of you.” he shudders from my words and lowers himself closer to my body. he kisses me with such raw lust I moan and grind my hips against his hard cock.

“I need to be inside you. I’ll go slow but tell me to stop if it hurts.” he whispers the words against my lips, and I nod blinking up at him.

he slides the tip of his cock against my clit making me jump and then goes lower and pushes slightly inside. it’s a weird feeling, like being stuffed. my body telling me to make it go away.

“Relax. let me in.” he coos as he pushes in further. my legs relax as my hands run up and down his back. his muscles bunching up from where he holds himself up.

he slides in further, another inch and believe me there are a lot of inches. he stops for a brief period to kiss me, making me relax more.

then I feel it. the slight sting and a small fire. the burn is uncomfortable but not horrible. Tane looks down at me and I nod.

“I’m ok. keep going.” I encourage him to move, and he does. he thrusts slowly into me. the burn now not so bad. his hips meet mine and we both blow out a breath. Tane is inside me. my Tane.

“You ok. can I keep going.” I lean up to kiss him, then move lower to his neck. he pushes forward a bit more before moving back and doing it again. it feels good. like, really good.

he kisses my neck and the tops of my breasts; his thrusts are slow and measured. he sucks on my nipples and licks away his spit. his hand grabs my arse and lift me slightly so he can go deeper.

“God, you feel good.” he groans as he gets faster, his hips hitting mine over and over. his cock feels amazing. he slips a hand between us and strokes my clit with his fingers.

words cannot describe the way I feel right now. being here, with him. this is all I’ve ever dreamed off. Tane looks into my eyes. his arms shaking with strain.

“I need you to come, I can’t hold off.” I hear the desperation in his tone, and he kisses me deeply. I love his kisses. I love the way he fills me so good, how his fingers play me like a fiddle.

“Tane…” I whine as he thrusts his hips, his movements becoming sloppy and hurried. his breathing is quick, his pulse bulging from his neck. he must feel me orgasm because he lets out a long moan and I feel him swell inside me.

“Neve. good god. Newt… shit.” my heart is beating so hard right now. that second orgasm was brutal. he finally stills above me and just looks at me. I wonder what he sees. what is he thinking.

he leans down and kisses me, his lips just laying across mine, not moving. I stroke m fingers down his spine, and he shudders. he pulls away from me and I wince.

“You ok. did I hurt you.” he strokes my face and moves some hair from my shoulder. I snuggle close to him, and he wraps me in his arms.

“It was perfect Tane. just like I knew it would be.” he kisses the top of my head, and we fall into comfortable silence. now is probably the time to tell him I’m not in birth control, but I can’t find it in my heart to care.

am I being selfish. probably. I’ll tell him tomorrow. if he freaks out, we can get plan B. but if he feels in his heart the way I do. we can let nature take its course and see where we end up.

32: Neve

“Dad, Sam. you home.” I shut the front door behind me with a thunk. I haven’t seen dad since I got back from Brighton last weekend. I’m so happy with the way things are right now I could scream from the rooftops.

“In here munchkin.” he calls from the kitchen, and I walk that way. I stop dead when I see Henly sitting at the table with a man I don’t know. he looks wealthy, polished and handsome.

so, this is why he wanted me to stop by for dinner. he knew Henly would be here. he knew I wouldn’t walk out in a temper and cause a scene. he knew and I’m angry with him.

“This is Lynal. Henley’s fiancé.” dad talks but my eyes haven’t left my sister. she looks good, Healthy and happy. she’s wearing a dress, not a slutty one. her clothes look designer.

“Hello.” that’s all I can manage as he stands up to offer me his hand. I shake it because it’s the polite thing to do. dad shuffles on his feet as Sam stays back.

“Henly has told me so much about you.” his voice is deep and rich. his eyes sparkle with love when he speaks her name.

“I’m sure she does. all bad I bet.” I can’t stop the snark that leaves my mouth.

“Not at all. she speaks of love, fond memories of growing up. I feel I know you all so well.” dad looks at me and takes my hand under the table. I should have stayed standing. sitting implies I’m staying.

“Tell us about yourself.” dad asks and Lynal smiles. he’s charming, the way he holds himself. the way he speaks of his work. the way he talks about Henly, it’s like he’s talking about someone else.

“And how did you two meet.” dad asks and Henly dips her head down. is she embarrassed. did she hit on him in a stripper bar. I’m being unfair and a bitch. that’s not who I am.

“Funny story actually. she ran me over.” Lynal chuckles and dad laughs. Sam touches dad on the shoulder and I stare at Henly.

“I was late, for a meeting and her car struck me when I crossed the road. she was screaming at me. yelling it was my fault that I stepped in front of her.” he leans over and kisses her head affectionally. sounds like Hen.

“You opened a bistro, correct.” Lynal asks me and I nod. Henly looks almost proud.

“it’s doing well.” it’s all I can manage to say. Lynal nods and dad squeezes my hand.

“Henly and I would love to drop by, wouldn’t we love.” he looks at her and she nods. a small smile on her lips. my phone buzzes and I pull it from my pocket.

Tane has sent me a text. he does that a few times in the day. I get a message in the morning and last thing at night. I look back to Henly who watches me with curiosity.

“That your boyfriend.” she asks with a genuine smile. dad asks Lynal if he would care for a beer while we wait for the food. he agrees and they all leave the room together. now I see it for what it is. an intervention.

“Tane.” I answer and she flinches in her seat.

“Your together.” she asks, not in an unkind way.

“Yes.” I reply as she frowns.

“You really do love him don’t you.” she asks, and I look away, then back.

“Yes. I have loved him since I was 15, you know this.” there’s a bite in my words but she holds my gaze.

“I’m sorry Neve.” my eyes lock on hers. why is she sorry. for taking him away? for using him, for hurting him.

“I never meant to hurt you. all those years. I was in a bad place. I went through some shit in high school. I wanted so desperately to be loved and accepted.” I don’t understand.

“You were loved. dad brought you a car. mum got you clothes. you couldn’t hold a job. you treated me like garbage. how can you say you were looking for love when all you ever did was throw it back in our faces.” she sniffles, and I see a tear fall down her cheek.

“I know, none of it makes sense, like I said. I was messed up. I was… Raped in high school. he and his buddies held me down. I told dad, he didn’t believe me. I acted out. I made your life hell. I made mum and dad’s life hell. I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.” she sobs so hard I feel my heart reach out to her.

“Who was it.” I ask needing to know. she sniffs again ad looks up at me. for a long time, I don’t think she will say anything.

“Graham Manning.” the words fall from her lips like a whisper. Graham is Josh’s older brother; one he hasn’t spoken to since he left for college.

Graham is the same age as Henly, he was in the same year. it explains why she dropped out of school early. she would have been 16 at the time.

“Why didn’t you tell someone.” I ask still not moving to comfort her.

“Because he said if I did. he would get you next.” that means he would have raped an 11-year-old child. sick fuck.

“I went to a party at his house. I knew I shouldn’t have gone because he wouldn’t leave me alone. but I went and then that happened. it was humiliating, especially with so many others in the room. it sent me off the rails.” I close my eyes and try to put myself in her position.

“Does Josh know what his brother did to you.” I don’t expect her to nod, and I don’t expect what she tells me next.

“He was there.” the world falls from under me. Josh was there. an 11-year-old boy watched my sister get raped. he never told me. he never said a word.

“don’t be too hard on him. he was young, forced in that room by his sick older brother. he looked terrified. I tried to protect him. I tried to protect you. I’m so sorry.” I move this time. I drop to my knees and bring her into my arms.

she went through something horrific and all the while she was protecting me. keeping Graham away from me. protecting Josh. It doesn’t excuse her behavior, but it brings clarity.

dad and Lynal come back in the room at that point. I don’t know if dad knows any of this but it’s not my place to say. we eat dinner all while Lynal holds her hand. he brings her peace and I’m grateful.

I leave with the understanding we have a long way to go before we can become friends again, sisters. she wishes me well with Tane and says she will drop into the bistro before she goes back to Scotland.

I don’t see her again after that because I climb in my car and drive straight to Tane. my Tane. my safety net, my life. I need him. I need him to wrap me in his arms and make me feel safe.

33: Neve

February 2010...

“Happy 30th birthday Newt. my beautiful wife and mother to my children.” I open my eyes to my husband staring down ay me. I place my hands on his gorgeous face, the rings shining on my left hand.

we got married in July 2005. Seven months after the birth of our daughter Ophilia. Philly for short. she was born a healthy 7lbs and 13oz. her hair so dark we can’t decide if its brown of black. she has green eyes like her daddy.

we then welcomed Tanner into the world the summer of 2008. he was a whopper, 8lbs and 4oz. he ripped me open and healed my heart all at the same time. Tane was with me for both.

“Good morning to you husband. please stop reminding me how old I am.” I yawn and he fakes waving his hand in front of my face. he’s telling me I have morning breath. I probably do.

“Mummy, mummy.” Philly comes running into the room, Ripley hanging from her arm. that bunny has been through so much in the last 15 years.

“Good morning munchkin.” I use the same nickname dad uses for me. she squeals when I tickle her.

“I’ll go get tanner and start breakfast.” Tane kisses me on the lips and gets up.

“I want to help cook. its mummy’s big day.” Philly launches herself at Tane and he catches her with ease.

“Ok, you can mix the batter. we better go wake up Grumpy.” Philly giggles because Tanner is a grump. he likes his sleep.

Tane moved his business closer to me. he said he could work anywhere. he has done well for himself over the years. he even took on a few celebrities, doing custom designs, getting his face put in the paper.

my business is booming. Jules and I talked about opening another bistro in the next town over but decided against it. Gregs is so popular we don’t want to rock the boat.

speaking of Jules. she and Gabe married at the end of 2006. they now have a son James. they live in a large house close to me and Tane. Milly who still works for us on weekends, lives in the small flat above.

Josh is in a very loving relationship with Kelly. they stayed in touch and moved in together over a year ago. I don’t think there’s a marriage proposal yet, but he is smitten with her.

dad is still with Sam. she moved in the summer of 2006. I’ve never seen dad so happy. last year we all spent the day at the fair. Tane taking me on the dodgems, sitting inside the car with me instead of spinning it, it’s still one of the best days of my life.

Henly is still in Scotland. her and Lynal are getting married this year, but I declined the invite. we text on occasion but it’s just not going to happen, there is too much bad blood between us and I’m ok with it.

I get up and walk over the window, the day is cloudy and looks cold. we hired the village hall to throw a party. I didn’t want to but Tane insisted we do something. I look down to are front lawn. toys from summer still lay around.

“Breakfast.” Philly yells up the stairs to me and I chuckle. she’s a loud one. I pull on my robe and wonder down to my family, Tane pulling me in for a kiss as soon as he sees me.

“The pancakes may be lumpy. but go with it.” I turn to Philly who is smiling. the first mouthful is indeed lumpy, but I fake it and moan in delight.

“sooooo good.” I mumble as Tanner munches on his, he doesn’t care about lumps.

I lean over to kiss his head. he’s grown so much. I think maybe I would like one more child. Tane looks at me then, he can see what I’m thinking, and he smiles.

“We need to be at the hall for 2. your dad and Sam are bringing the cake.” I mumble under my breath about not wanting to go.

“What was that. you want more pancakes.” Philly lights up and I glare at Tane who chuckles.

“Absolutely. they are so yummy.” Philly giggles and I know eating the lumpy mess will be worth it to see her smile.

we clean up, get the kids ready and by 1.45 we are out the door, which is good for us. being a parent is hard work. we often forget shoes, or sippy cups. nappies for tanner, or his dummy. but today we are on point.

The hall has been decorated with pink and purple ribbons. Philly chose the color, and I frown. Tane knows I love the color green. he kisses me deeply as Philly runs to find my dad. Tanner strolls beside us as we enter.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY.” the room erupts with loud cheer. everyone is here and I feel so full of emotion right now. the only people missing are Henly and my mum.

I make my way around the room to talk to as many people as I can. I even speak to Amber and Camron who got invited. they now have another kid and are still very much married.

Maria is here with her husband Neil. she met him when she went traveling across Europe. no kids yet but happily married. Josh hugs me and Kelly does the same.

“Are you ever going to propose to this woman.” I tease as Kelly hangs from his arm. he looks around nervously and then drops to his knee, I so didn’t see that coming.

I step back into Tane’s embrace. Josh tells Kelly she is the love of his life and asks if she will marry him. Kelly squeals and jumps in his arms, making the room erupt with applaud.

“Sorry for doing that on your birthday, but the ring has been burning a hole in my pocket for months.” Josh speaks between Kelly kissing him and we all laugh.

“I’m honored you chose today and now I don’t have as much attention on me.” I wink back at him, and he smiles. I turn in Tane’s arms and wrap my hand over his shoulders.

“You knew didn’t you.” he nods and kisses me.

“Yep. Josh is my bested buddy. he told me a while ago.” he teases. it’s true. Josh and Tane are like kindred spirits. they hang out all the time. Kelly is with me and Jules whenever we get together, it all feels natural.

“I love you my Tane. now and forever.” I kiss him deeply and he kisses me back.

“I love you more my newt. forever isn’t long enough.” I love my life. our love is stronger than ever. everything we have been through led us here, to this moment.

we look around the room. dad is holding Tanner, who is eating a cookie. Sam is talking a mile a minute with Philly while dad laughs. Jules and Gabe are talking with Maria. Josh is holding Kelly’s hand and talking with Camron and Amber.

Me. I’m right where I’m supposed to be, with my love beside me.

The end…

Thank you

Thank you for reading the wrong time and place.

I loved this story, and it was one that’s close to my own experience.

only in my case, the man I loved ended up married to my sister.

To watch the man, you fell in love with marry another, well, it’s heartbreaking.

to be part of their lives and watch them have a family is devastating.

that’s why I changed the ending and gave them a happy life.

thank you for reading and for all your comments and thoughts.

sorry for any spelling and grammar errors.

stay tuned for the next one.

thanks again.