41: Something Is Working

Levi’s POV

The second and third injections also caused my body to react with high fevers, but they subsided after a day or two and I was able to continue with physical therapy.

I couldn’t tell if my left side was getting any better or not because my body always felt weak after each procedure and I spent the following days working my way back to my previous strength, what I had before I started this treatment.

Charlotte was a nervous wreck this whole trip, constantly taking my temperature, not getting any valuable sleep at all. I felt horrible when my temp would get too high and scare her. The fact is, I was scared too but I couldn’t show it because it would worry her even more. I need to be the one supporting her in this relationship as much as she supports me. I know I could never live up to the level of selflessness she has shown me, but I can do my best to try.

Tomorrow is my last injection, so I made sure to work extra hard during PT this morning. Charlotte refused to accept any help all week and insisted she did all my therapy sessions with me. She needs a break, not from me, but in general, before she makes herself sick.

It is nearly noon when Charlotte comes to find me in my room after getting a bit of work done in her office. I know she is expecting to get me to the cafeteria to eat and then to my next therapy session. She has been relentless, but I plan to change that.

“You ready for some lunch and more exercise?”, she poses.

“Nope! We are taking the afternoon off, and before you object, I already got permission from Dr. Lee”, I declare.

She retorts with multiple different expressions on her face. The fact that she is speechless at the moment makes me laugh and she looks at me and shrugs her shoulders.

“Well, if Dr. Lee said it’s ok, then we shall listen to him”, she smirks.

“Great, I have looked up a few places and thought we should try Palisades Park? We can grab something to eat and walk around and look at the ocean!”, I suggest to her.

“Sounds good”, she says as she brings over my wheelchair.

“I am walking with you today, no chair… consider it my afternoon therapy”, I chuckle.

Fortunately, she doesn’t mind that I want to walk with her, holding on to me the rest of the day.

We take an Uber to Santa Monica and when we get there, we spot a few food trucks and order some food. There are some benches in the park that overlook the ocean, so we head towards the only empty one left.

The weather is beautiful here in California. Besides the smog that everyone speaks of, it has been 70 degrees and sunny every day. Charlotte is loving the sunny weather too. She leans her head onto the back of the bench and closes her eyes. I hear her take in a deep breath and let out a long sigh, her eyes still closed, letting her face soak in all the sun. I am so glad we did this, she needed this.

“Thank you, Levi for taking me here, this is nice and relaxing”, she says while pulling herself up to rest her head on my shoulder. I think she might fall asleep.

I won’t mind if she slept here leaning on my shoulder, Lord knows she hasn’t had much sleep since we’ve been here. Sitting here with her head on my shoulder as I look out at the ocean is pleasantly comforting.

An hour goes by with us sitting here. I listen to her slow and peaceful breathing and know that she is surely sleeping. Her peaceful nap doesn’t last much longer though when clumsy me accidently knocks over my crutch and Charlotte springs up from my shoulder wiping her eyes at the same time.

“Oh my God! I’m so sorry, I fell asleep”, she tries to apologize.

“It’s alright Love, I enjoyed listening to you snore on my shoulder”, I joke with her.

“Shut up”, she playfully slaps my arm.

“We should head back before it gets dark”, she suggests.

She wraps her arm firmly around my back to support my balance while I wrap my arm around her shoulder to support my left side and we walk embraced together towards our ride. I look at her beautiful face and appreciate the happiness she expresses the whole walk back.

“I can’t wait until the two of us can walk hand in hand together”, I divulge to her.

She doesn’t respond, she just acknowledges me by kissing me on the cheek. She does that when I say things that I want to be able to do in the future, like walk on my own only holding her hand. She does not want to say the wrong thing and get my hopes up I am sure, yet she always reminds me in subtle ways like a with a peck on my cheek or a squeeze of my hand, that she is here with me no matter what. Little things like that make my love for her grow stronger each day.

We make it back to my room and she runs a hot shower for me. I want to take her into the shower with me. We have not had an intimate moment with each other since our first night here and I’m not sure if tonight would be the right time either. I yearn to feel her supple skin close to mine, to feel her fingers trace my back while I inhale her sweet scent and caress her majestic lips.

Tonight, does not pose the most opportune circumstance though. Charlotte is acting strangely subdued, keeping her demeanor discreet the entire ride back here. Her unspoken language tells me something is bothering her, or maybe she’s over tired, I can’t put a finger on it. All I can do is ask her, so I get into my wheelchair and roll myself in front to face her. I reach for her hands and gently trace the palms of her hands with my thumbs while looking up at her.

“Charlotte, please tell me what’s wrong, I know something is bothering you”.

“I am concerned about your procedure tomorrow, I hate how it makes you sick after every time…I am just worried for you that is all”, she confides.

“I hate that I cause all of this worry for you Charlotte, but tomorrow will be different…I can already feel it!“, I say, trying to lighten her mood.

She nods and smiles at my statement then tells me to get into the shower before the hot water runs out. I kiss her hand and do as she tells me. She doesn’t follow me or try to help me, which further proves my speculations that tonight is not the night to fulfill any sexual desire.

After my shower, I open the curtain to find that Charlotte brought in a towel and my night clothes and left them for me on my wheelchair. Usually, she helps me transfer from the shower chair to my other chair and helps me stand to get dressed, but tonight I am doing it on my own, which I am fully capable of now, but I still love when Charlotte is near me making sure I do not fall.

When I finally finish struggling with my pajama shorts and head back into the bedroom, I find Charlotte fast asleep in the recliner. I do not have the heart to wake her even though I want her lying next to me in bed, so I carefully place a blanket over her and softly kiss her forehead.

Morning hastily arrives and I am anxious for today. I did not get much sleep last night without feeling Charlotte’s body nestled against mine. But knowing that she slept soundly all night for the first time in two weeks, puts my mind at ease.

“Morning Love!” I greet her when she opens her eyes and starts stretching her limbs.

“Good morning! Are you okay? I’m sorry I fell asleep in this chair”, she quickly sputters out.

“I’m fine Love! And don’t apologize for finally getting some rest”, I smile at her.

“Today is going to be a good day!” I remind her.

Charlotte helps me get into the ugly and uncomfortable hospital gown I need to wear for my procedure and sits with me while we wait for Dr. Lee to arrive.

I touch her chin and turn her face towards me so I can kiss her. She slowly and nervously moves her lips against mine, so I press my mouth firmer to hers trying to force her worries away.

“Please don’t worry, I love you”, I breathe into her mouth, kissing her again before the Dr. whisks me away for my last procedure.

The anesthesia always takes a while to wear off and after I wake up, I always seem to need another few hours of recovery sleep. Charlotte is sitting in the chair next to my bed like she always does, waiting for me to open my eyes.

“How are you feeling”, she asks me, her voice sounds so sweet and full of concern.

“Fine, just tired”, I let her know.

“Go back to sleep, I’ll wake you up for lunch, I will be right here if you need me”, she says and softly kisses my lips right before I close my eyes again.

My body needed the extra sleep, but I am relieved when Charlotte runs her fingers through my hair, and whispers for me to wake up. I feel surprisingly rejuvenated. Charlotte places her hand on my forehead, and I see her face light up.

“No fever!“, she squeaks with excitement.

“See, I told you today would be a good day”, I squeak back.

Charlotte helps me up and dress, a smile fixed to her face the entire time. This is the Charlotte I have missed lately; the carefree and confident Charlotte whose unconditional love for me reminds me that all hope is not lost.

My body feels stronger than it usually does after a procedure. I am able to walk with Charlotte to the cafeteria for lunch and then to the gym for therapy. After the gym she gets me into the pool without my left leg brace. I’m a little warry about what she wants me to try, I don’t want either of us to be let down when my left leg gives out on me.

She keeps her grip tight around me while she glides me off the pool chair and into a standing position.

“Charlotte, I don’t know about this”, I huff.

“It’s better that we try in the pool, the water will help you balance”, she tries to convince me.

Her hands are secured to my hips waiting for me to keep a steady balance. Once my hips remain still, she lets go of me and grabs both of my hands. She is facing me while I face her.

“You’re still standing!“, she joyfully points out, then I realize both of my legs are holding strong and I look at her, letting her know I am scared and thrilled at the same time.

“You are doing great!“, she beams at me. “Now take a step with your left”, she instructs.

I hesitate out of nervousness and take my first step. Both of our eyes go wide with anticipation and I take another step with my right. She is holding my hands and stepping backwards while I step forward, it’s working! I take a third step and this time my left leg gives out and Charlotte lunges forward to quickly wrap her arms around my body to catch me from falling.

“Oh my God! You did it!“, her tone is full of praise as she embraces me.

“I am so happy for you, let’s try it again”, she spouts out.

We practiced this for another hour. Each time my leg giving out with the third or fourth step and each time Charlotte catching me at the right moment and applauding me. I know we are in the pool, but this is the first time I can stand without my leg brace, let alone take a few steps. The stem-cell treatment is working!

“I think we are ready to get back to Boston and see what other surprises are instore for you!“, she exclaims.

I am happy with my new progress, but I do not want to get my hopes too high. Charlotte is so thrilled with my small accomplishment, I hope it continues, it would kill me if I let her down.

42: The Sweetest Gift

The Sweetest Gift

Levi’s POV

We got back to Boston with two weeks left until Christmas. Charlotte and Sarah got right to work shopping and decorating the whole place. Everyone helped put the ornaments up on the tree which was fun. The place looked amazing with all the lights and garland everywhere. It felt like home to everyone in a way.

Charlotte took it upon herself to invite my parents, Landon, Andy, Josh, and Mark over to her apartment to spend the holiday with me, but only my parents could make it for Christmas, Mark and my friends promised to make it over for New Years.

I don’t understand how Charlotte finds time to do everything. She checks on every patient here daily, manages how their treatments are progressing, decorates for Christmas, all while constantly making sure I’m okay and getting through all my therapy sessions. No wonder why she looks so tired lately. The only time she has taken a break in the last two nights since we’ve been back, is when we go to her house for the night, and even then, I find her fast asleep on the couch when I leave her alone for a few minutes to use the bathroom.

I don’t know how I can help her. She doesn’t want to revert to having Sarah and Nate take over some of my therapy sessions, which is mostly my fault since I practically begged her in the beginning not to leave me in someone else’s hands. I am a stronger person now because of her and I am ready to get through some of my challenges without her holding my hand.

We arrive at rehab early in the morning with ten days left until Christmas now. I want to give her something special, but I’m not sure what, so I decide that I am going to ask Sarah to bring me shopping.

Charlotte brings me into the gym, then tells me she’s going to bring her things to her office before starting therapy.

“Is it alright if Sarah does my morning therapy with me?” I ask Charlotte who stops dead in her tracks and turns to me looking utterly confused.

She is not angry or sad with my request though and shrugs her shoulders at me.

“Sure, if that is what you want?”, she says back to me.

“Yeah, I mean I haven’t spent any time with her in a few weeks, so it will be nice to catch up. Go get whatever work you need to get done. I will be fine, and you know where to find me”, I persuade her.

Charlotte reluctantly leaves me in the gym with Sarah so she can tend to her other responsibilities.

“Sarah, I need to do or get something special for Charlotte for a Christmas gift”, I blurt out.

Sarah presses her finger to her pursed lips like she’s thinking.

“Well from my experience with Charlotte and gifts, she would rather be the one giving not receiving”, she tells me.

“Of course, she would”, I chuckle.

“I have an idea! How about you and I focus on one thing to work on in therapy every morning, that way by Christmas you can surprise her by showing her something new you have accomplished, like doing something with your left arm that you have not been able to do before?”, Sarah suggests.

“That sounds great, but what if we put in all that work and my arm just stays as it is now?” I say to her with slight anticipation of defeat in my tone.

“Charlotte will take your determination in trying as a gift Levi, trust me”.

“You are probably right, okay let’s do this, but I still want you to take me shopping so I can get her something nice”, I warn Sarah.

Sarah and I got right to work. Whatever type of exercise that involved using my arms I did, even girl-style push-ups which were exceedingly difficult to perform.

Sarah worked with me for my first session every morning and Nate took over the sessions right after, making me use the weights. Sarah and I let Nate and Jake in on our little secret, so every day he added a little more weight for my left arm to lift, push, and pull while Jake cheered me on.

Charlotte met back up with me every afternoon for lunch then took me to the pool to practice walking without my leg brace.

I could feel my arm getting physically stronger. It has gotten easier to get myself out of bed and transfer to my chair on my own. Even Charlotte noticed while we were in the pool one afternoon.

“Your grip on my hand with your left is much stronger!“, Charlotte expresses while walking backwards in the pool holding my hands as I take a few steps forward.

“Yes, I can feel that it is”, I give her a huge grin.

My left leg improved right after my last stem-cell procedure, but it has remained the same since. I am still only able to take two or three steps before my leg buckles from under me. My balance has not improved much either, I can only balance on my own for a few seconds, although when I first got into the pool today Charlotte squealed with excitement after she purposely let go of me and I unknowingly stood on my own for thirty seconds.

“You are doing so great! I’m so proud of you”, she shrieks. This is something she has continued to say to me daily, more times than I can count. The way her beautiful soulful eyes look at me when she tells me how proud she is, let me know she truly means every word.

I love this girl so much I don’t know what I would do without her.

“How about you and I have an evening off to spend some quality time together?“, she asks me.

Oh my God! Yes please! I think to myself. I have been waiting for the past four weeks for us to have a night just her and I together, hanging out, talking, I will do anything. Charlotte seems to have more energy lately and she has been staying awake later at night ever since I made Nate & Sarah do all my morning therapies with me. I am glad my plan is working.

” How about we order out, watch some funny movies, and eat popcorn tonight?“, she asks me.

“Brilliant!“, I yelp.

We ate the Chinese food Charlotte had delivered then snuggled on the couch together eating popcorn and laughing. By the time we started watching our second movie, Charlotte looked like she was getting tired. I noticed her squinting at the screen more than once and rubbing her eyes often trying to clear them. I was getting concerned.

” Are you alright, Love?“, I ask her.

“Yes, the screen appears blurry to me sometimes, maybe my eyes are tired”, she affirms.

“Do you want to go lay in bed? Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and we have a lot to do, so maybe getting to sleep early will be good”, I try and convince her.

“That is a good idea! We need to get to rehab early tomorrow to fit some therapy in before we pick your parents up from the airport”, she reminds me.

We both happily go to bed and she lays her head on my chest while I wrap my arms around her, listening to her soft breathing as she falls asleep.

Tomorrow is the big day. Sarah has helped me prepare my big surprise for Charlotte; I can’t wait to show her.

In the morning I make sure I’m up and ready before Charlotte even wakes up. I am eager to finally be able to do something special for my girl and I can’t stop smiling.

“Wow! You are up early and looking cheerful this morning”, Charlotte says in a surprised voice.

“I am just excited for the Holiday!” I exclaim. “Now let’s get going sleepy head”, I chuckle.

I’m so anxious that I practically rush her to rehab.

“Please come meet me in the gym in ten minutes, I need your help with something”, I tell her, hoping she will agree without asking any questions.

“Umm, okay”, she shrugs.

I meet Sarah in the gym, and she helps me prepare by attaching my left leg brace and putting a gait belt around my waist as a precaution.

Charlotte walks into the gym and looks at us with curiosity when she notices us at one end of the parallel bars.

“What is this?“, she questions, her voice sounds perplexed as she points at us and then the bars.

” I have something to show you”, I grin. “Now please stand at the other end of the bars”, I instruct her.

Her eyes go wide, so does her smile when she realizes what I am about to do and brings herself to stand at the other end of the bars, facing me.

I can feel the jitters, but the anticipation of watching the expression on her face when I get through this will be all worth it.

I tell Sarah I am ready, so she stands behind me holding my gait belt as I place both of my hands on the bars and she helps me pull myself to stand. I take a moment to adjust my stance between the bars and make sure my left arm is cooperating. I can’t balance on my own, so it’s up to my arms to support myself with each step.

” I am ready Sarah, you can let go now”, I inform her.

Sarah releases her hold of me but stays close behind me just in case.

Charlotte is still wide eyed with anticipation when I look up at her. I take a deep breath and exhale then carefully move my left hand forward on the bar, then my right hand, followed by my left leg and right.

I hear Charlotte gasp, but I don’t want to see her expression yet, so I continue slowly moving both arms forward on the bars followed by taking a step with each foot.

So far so good! My inner voice assures me. I have taken two steps with each leg, only four more to go. I can do this; I talk myself up.

Another two steps down before I feel my left arm shake a little.

“Levi?“, Sarah softly questioning if I need her support.

“I’ve got this, just give me a second”, I convince her.

After I take another deep breath and exhale to try and calm my nerves; I succeed with my last two steps and stop a few inches in front of Charlotte and look up at her.

Tears are flowing down her cheeks, but the way her watery multi-color eyes are looking at me is pure admiration. Her body is noticeably fidgety, and I can guess that she wants to throw her arms around me, but I stop her.

“I have one more thing to give you”, I force her to wait just a little longer.

Sarah hands me a four by two-inch box. I shift my wait to my right arm so I can let go of the bar and hand Charlotte the box.

“Go ahead, open it”, I smile.

Charlotte opens the box and pulls out a silver heart shaped pendant attached to a silver chain. She holds the pendant in her hand and brushes her thumb over the single diamond in the middle, then flips the pendant over and reads the engraving on the back…

My Love, My Hero

“Merry Christmas Charlotte!“, I softly say and help her clasp the necklace around her neck.

She is still crying, and I am hoping it is because she is happy, so I ask, “Do you like your gift?”

Just as I imagined, she throws her arms around me and embraces me.

“Oh Levi, it is so sweet! I love it! And what you accomplished just now walking across the bars… is the best gift I could ever receive”, she sniffs, and I can feel her tears soaking my t-shirt.

” Those better be tears of joy”, I smirk.

“Definitely tears of joy”, she replies, hugging me again.

She releases her grip and looks at Sarah and then me and inquests, ” This is why you insisted I get other work done every morning? So, you two could work on this?”

I can’t stop smiling at her and confess, ” Yes, I wanted to do something special for you, to surprise you”.

” Yes, Nate and Jake were in on it too”, Sarah chirps.

” I can’t believe you guys! Thank you! This is amazing! Not just for me but for you, Levi!“, her voice ecstatic, and she grabs my face and kisses me.

“I love you!” she breathes as she kisses me again.

“Now I have a surprise for all of you”, she boasts.

” Can you two round everyone up and meet me at the door to the lounge?“, she asks us, then gives me one more peck on the lips before bolting out the door.

Sarah and I do as she requests, we find Jake, Marlo, Kenny, and Abby and all wait together for Charlotte by the lounge.

Charlotte pops her head out of the lounge, holding the door almost shut behind her.

” Are you all ready?“, she squeaks with excitement.

We all smile and nod and she flings open the lounge door.

“Surprise! Merry Christmas everyone! she blurts out.

We all slowly make our way into the room, our eyes soaking in the magnificence, our jaws hanging from shock and amazement.

My parents, Charlotte’s parents and everyone else’s parents or wife, girlfriend, and other family members are all here for us. Christmas decorations adorn the room, food tables line the back wall, and a massive pile of presents engulf the lighted tree.

“How and when did you do all this?” I pull her down towards me and whisper in her ear.

“You’re not the only one who can secretly plan something special”, she laughs.

“You’re incredible!“, I express to her.

“What you did for me earlier was incredible “, she smiles and presses her soft lips to mine.

“Any more secret plans in the making?” She jokes with me.

I laugh along with her playful banter before I spill out, “Why yes my love, I do have something I would like to work on next, but only if you will help me this time.”

43: A New Year

Charlotte’s POV

This was probably the best Christmas I have ever had. Levi and I had a quiet Christmas Day dinner with just his parents and mine. We took the entire day off from any therapy and any work. I felt guilty about it, but we both deserved a day off after everything we accomplished over the last few weeks, we were drained.

Levi was eager to get back to rehab the next day so we could get started on his next plan. When we got there, he dragged me into the gym, but not before requesting I bring both forearm crutches with us.

“I want to start walking with my crutches”, he insists.

“Hook me up to the ceiling harness and let me try the crutches”, he impatiently demands.

He is getting ahead of himself, I think he needs to gain more strength in his hips so he can better balance himself when he steps, but he is adamant about using the crutches, so I do as he wants and attach him to the harness and watch him grip the crutch handles.

He does fine standing there, leaning his weight forward on the crutches. Taking a step is a whole other obstacle though. Apparently, he wants to try this himself with only the harness holding him.

I stand behind him, waiting for him to ask for my help but he doesn’t, instead he stubbornly tries to move his crutch forward and takes a step.

“What the hell”, he huffs.

He loses his balance, and his hips sway out of control each time he moves one of his crutches or takes a step. If it weren’t for the harness holding him up, he would be falling on his face.

I refuse to watch him do this to himself any longer and grab hold of his hips, steadying him while he regains his composure. Neither of us move or say anything, and after about a minute, he releases a loud sigh and puts his head down in defeat.

“Thank you”, he mumbles. “I must’ve looked like a fool to you just now”, he sighs again.

“Of course not, Levi! Do not ever think that! I commend you for trying this on your own, but you do need to let me help you succeed at this”, my voice stern so he takes me seriously.

I keep a firm hold on his hips while I teach him how to use the crutches properly for the first time.

“Just like you did on the bars, move one crutch forward then the other, followed by moving one leg forward and then the other while I support your balance”, I instruct him.

He follows my instructions and we slowly make our way around the room guided by the ceiling track.

“This is harder than I expected”, he admits.

“Yes, it is, but we can work on this every day and walk in the pool more too”, I reassure him.

“Ok but promise me that you will let Sarah and Nate work with me too, I don’t want to be the reason why you’re so tired every night”, he pleads with me.

I find it easy to agree with him. I have been unusually tired over the past month. I’m sure it’s because of our trip to California and worrying about the holidays. Having Sarah and Nate work with Levi part of the day will give me a pleasant little break.

Levi worked hard the rest of the week leading up to New Year’s Eve. Every morning he had Sarah attach him to the ceiling harness and help him walk with his crutches. Afterwards, Nate worked with him and Jake in the weight room, and after lunch I would work with Levi in the pool. When evening came, I would help him use his crutches again. By nighttime, he was so worn out that he would fall asleep in his room here, so I let him sleep and met him for lunch the following day.

I miss him lately, the only quality time we’ve had together all week was in the pool. Levi agreed to meet me in the gym this morning so that I could do his only therapy session for today with him. Tonight, is New Year’s Eve, and his friends couldn’t make the trip so, I made reservations for him and I at a fancy club where we can sit and eat, listen to music, and maybe slow dance if he is up for it.

“Hey beautiful!” His cheerful voice greets me as he rolls into the gym.

“Hey”, I smile back at him then quickly kiss him when he reaches me.

“What do you think about using your crutches without the harness today? I will stand behind you and hold your hips like I have been doing, you just won’t be attached to anything”, I ask him.

He thinks about it for a minute and then nods. I know he is apprehensive, but he has progressed quickly this week, so I think he is ready.

I stand beside him and help him to stand, then hand him each crutch before moving behind him to grip his hips. He still needs his left leg brace locked to keep his leg straight, but his left arm is so much stronger now, he has been handling his crutches well.

He hesitates for a moment and I can feel him shaking a little.

“I’ve got you babe! You can do this!” I encourage him.

I hear him chuckle and he smiles when he hears me call him babe and he takes a courageous step forward. He easily brings his crutches forward followed by his legs, like when he is attached to the harness. I keep his hips steady as we make it across the room. I am so happy for him. Learning to walk with crutches is a big achievement in his recovery. Only if we could get his left leg stronger and his balance better, he would be able to do this without me holding onto him.

We get to the exercise table at the end of the room and I leave him sitting on the edge of it so that I can get his wheelchair. While I’m walking to get his chair, I get a stabbing pain in my forehead just above my eyes and accidently blurt out, “ouch!” and squeeze the inside of my eyes near the bridge of my nose with my fingers to get the pain to stop.

“Charlotte, what’s wrong?” I hear Levi’s worried voice.

The pain subsides to a dull ache and I roll the chair to Levi who is anxiously waiting to see if I am alright.

“It was weird, I felt a sharp pain but now it only feels like a regular headache”, I explain to him.

He doesn’t look convinced, so he pulls me to stand in front of him and gently rubs his thumb over my eyes and across my forehead and then kisses me.

“Let’s get you some headache medicine and go back to your place to shower and change for tonight”, he says.

My headache is only causing minimal discomfort by the time we reach my apartment. Dinner reservations are in about an hour and I suggest to Levi that we should probably shower together to save some time.

Levi’s face instantly lights up when I say “together”, and I can’t help but laugh a little. He swiftly pushes himself to the bathroom and turns on the shower.

“I’m waiting!”, he playfully shouts through the bathroom door.

When I enter the bathroom, the room is steamy, and he is already in the shower.

“Come in Love, the water feels fantastic!” He allures me.

I remove my clothes and join him in the shower, he grabs my waist and pulls me onto his lap and brushes my hair behind my ear with his finger before taking my face in his hand and crashing his full lips to mine. He kisses me softly at first then nibbles my bottom lip causing my body to shiver and my heart to pulsate.

“I’ve missed you this week”, I moan between our passionate kisses.

“I missed you too, I don’t sleep well when you are not lying in bed next to me”, he breathes heavily into my ear and begins kissing my neck.

His lips slowly caress my skin, and he slides himself inside me, lifting my hips up and down in a steady motion until the sensation causes my body to arch back and I let myself go. He captures my moans with his lips and presses my body against his again and I feel his release.

We can’t get enough of each other. Our lips stay locked together until he lifts me from him and transfers himself to his wheelchair. He pulls me back onto his lap again and whisks me into the bedroom, arousing me again with his feverish lips and motions me to lay onto the bed. He lays his succulent body on top of mine and captivates me with the touch of his skin.

“Let’s skip dinner, I only want you, right here”, he pants, as I run my fingers down his back while he moves himself inside me again.

We make love until our bodies can’t handle any more, then blissfully nestle ourselves together while we lay in bed.

“Happy New year”, I softly say.

“I can’t wait to see all the great things that will happen for you this new year”, I smile.

“Happy New Year my Love! There is no one I would rather share all those great things with than you”, he smiles back.

44: Round Two

Levi’s POV

So far January has been uneventful. We have developed a good routine though. Sarah helps me work with my crutches every morning for an hour, then Nate takes over and does core exercises and weight training with Jake and I, and after lunch I am with Charlotte for the afternoon.

I can’t stand on my left leg without my brace locked, even when I am in the pool, so Charlotte decided it is best I keep my brace on while I focus on my balance. She also doesn’t want me walking with my crutches all the time because she says it discourages my natural walking posture and leaning over on my crutches when I walk hinders my progress of keeping my stance upright and balancing.

At first, I would get upset with her when she refused to let me use the crutches in the afternoon or even at night at her apartment, but when I pushed my stubborn pride aside and realized she would have to constantly hold onto me if I used my crutches, I decided it would be in my best interest follow her advice.

Charlotte mostly worked with me in the pool. She now had me wear my left leg brace and when we walked, I would stand straight up and we would face each other, she would walk backwards when I would take a step forward while gripping onto each other’s outstretched arms.

Walking this way was much easier with the surrounding water and my leg brace helping to keep me upright. When I felt my hips sway, I would grab onto her arms tighter and she would pull me back into the direction of my normal stance.

After the pool she would take me to the gym to work on standing. Keeping my left brace on, I would either practice standing with Charlotte facing me with my hands on her shoulders for support, or she would stand with her hands by my hips while I support myself on the parallel bars. And that is all she had me practice, standing on my own until my hips gave way, then do it all over again.

I made it through the entire month doing the same therapy each day and I wasn’t gaining any more control of my left leg or hip movement. My previous mood swings were coming back, and they also proved to be hard for me to control. Charlotte was also getting frequent headaches in the evenings which could only be from the same stress and frustration I was feeling.

“I spoke with Dr. Lee this morning and he thinks you should try another round of stem-cell treatments”, she informs me while we are practicing standing together in the gym.

“Oh? What do you think I should do?” I question her.

“Well, even though you nearly worried me to death the first time around, I think it’s your best chance of gaining more balance and strength”, she confidently tells me.

“Jake and his girlfriend are coming this time too, he is also going through with the treatment as well”, she surprises me.

She notices me half smiling, half in my thoughts with my head down. She places her hands on the side of my face and lifts my head to face hers and rubs her thumbs across my cheeks. Her expression is so calm, and her eyes are so hopeful for me.

“What do you think about this?” she cautiously asks me.

I grab the back of her neck with my right hand and pull her lips to mine before I tell her, “I will do it again if it will give me any chance of getting better, and only if Jake decides not to react like I did with high fevers and take all or your attention away from me”, I laugh with her.

“That is why his girlfriend is coming along”, she laughs again and then informs me that we are leaving tomorrow.

I am not as nervous for this trip to California; I know what to expect and I have Jake to share with in my humiliation as we are both practically strip searched at security. The horrified and embarrassing look on Jake’s girlfriends face makes be burst out laughing. I remember those looks on Charlotte’s face my first experience through security with a wheelchair, but now her and I joke about it.

“You are loving this right now aren’t you?”, Charlotte chuckles, pointing at Jake and his girlfriend.

“You know it!”, I gloat.

I’m used to this whole traveling with a wheelchair process now, but Jake isn’t, and I do my best to try and lighten his mood, remembering how I felt my first time taking a plane as a disabled person.

We arrive at the L.A. facility and I gladly take Jake and his girlfriend around on a tour while Charlotte heads to a few meetings with the staff.

“This place is amazing! It has everything!” Jake blurts out with excitement.

“I still like our place in Boston better, it is smaller and has more of a homelike feeling”, Jake says, and I agree with him.

Charlotte warned us we would be having our first procedures tonight and to meet her in the café for dinner. I don’t mind her going off all day to get her work done. Even though I’m the third wheel, Jake and his girlfriend keep me company while we wait to meet up with Charlotte again.

After dinner, Charlotte helps Jake and his girlfriend prepare for his procedure, then comes back to my room to help me. I have already changed into my hospital gown when she enters my room, so she smiles at me and joins me on the edge of the bed.

She starts rubbing her forehead, something she has been doing a lot of lately, and I voice my concern, “You have a headache again?”

“It’s from stress, I have had one all day”, she tells me.

I instantly put my head down and clasp my hands together, rolling one thumb over the other while I let my bad thoughts invade my mind. Am I the one causing all her stress? Am I too much work for her to handle anymore?

She catches me lost in my head and reaches for my hand.

“Levi, look at me, I know what you are thinking”, she says, holding my hand in hers. “You are not the cause of my stress; you are the reason I make it through each day… I just have so much other work to do between this place and in Boston…knowing I have you keeps me going”, she softly kisses my lips.

“I’ll admit that I am worried about your procedure tonight and any kind of reaction you might encounter”, she groans.

“I will be fine, I promise…knowing I have you is what keeps me going”, I smile at her, repeating her own words.

I remember waking up a few hours later in my bed, Charlotte next to me.

“Do I have a temp?”, I nervously ask her.

“Only a mild one, 99.9 degrees”, she smiles.

“How is Jake doing?” I ask her, I am worried for him too.

“He is doing great! No reaction so far”, she informs me.

“Good! Now promise me you will get some sleep and refrain from checking my temperature every thirty minutes”, I press her.

Charlotte was ecstatic in the morning when I woke up without a fever. I didn’t feel weak either like last time and that made me ecstatic too. She took Jake and I to the gym for our first therapy session and designated a different therapist for the rest of our sessions. Jake and I kept busy with our exercises while Charlotte kept busy with her other work. We all met up for dinner in the café that night. Jake’s girlfriend found us a table while we waited for Charlotte to show up.

“Surprise!”, I hear her familiar excited voice say from across the café. When I look up, I see her walking towards our table with Landon and Andy following closely behind.

“What are you lads doing here?”, I gasp in shock.

“We are here to cause some trouble mate!” Landon retorts.

Charlotte is beaming, obviously thrilled with my surprised reaction. I don’t understand how she can always find ways to astound me like this, what makes me so deserving of this brilliant woman, I constantly ask myself.

“I think these two will be a perfect comical distraction for you and Jake this week as you get through your treatments”, she laughs causing us all to laugh along with her.

“Thanks Love, you are amazing!” I remind her.

It was great having my friends here. Charlotte let us explore L.A. as long as we finished our therapy sessions. My mates kept Jake and I laughing all week, to the point of annoying our therapists at times which made it even more fun.

For some reason Charlotte stayed away from Andy when she could, but her and Landon got along fine. Sometimes I would disturb one of her and Landon’s serious conversations, and other times I would catch them in hysterics about something. It makes me happy knowing that we both have a mutual friend, it makes my relationship with Charlotte seem more real, outside of therapy.

I managed to sneak a few minutes alone with Landon before their flight back to London. Him and Charlotte have become close friends lately and I need his advice and his help with something I have been worried about.

Before I run out of time, or someone disrupts our conversation, I decide to just blurt out, “Hey Landon, I’m concerned about Charlotte and all these headaches she’s been having. She says they are from stress, but I can’t help thinking I’m causing her some of this stress. What should I do?” I plead.

“Listen Mate, that girl loves you unconditionally, whether these treatments work or not or whether you ever walk again or not, will not change the way she feels about you. She may worry about you because she loves you, but she is not stressed out because of you, trust me on this”, Landon asserts.

“How do I help her then?”

“Continue to treat her and love her the way she does you! People like her are hard to find, so don’t screw it up!”, he laughs and punches my shoulder.

“Good luck with the rest of your treatment and I will be back for another visit as soon as I can”, Landon slaps me on the back before leaving.

Jake and I survived our remaining stem-cell procedures without any adverse reactions. Charlotte decided to make dinner reservations for the four of us to celebrate, and because it just so happens to be Valentine’s Day.

“I’m sorry I don’t have a Valentine’s gift for you”, I say as we are getting ready for dinner.

“Levi, you pulling through these last two weeks without any reaction or infection is better than anything you could buy me for a gift”, she smiles before planting her sweet lips to mine.

The restaurant Charlotte picked was busy, but they were able to seat us right away because of our reservations. So far, we were all enjoying our double date. Jake and his girlfriend are good company, and we all have something to celebrate together tonight.

“Charlotte, what is wrong? Do you have another headache?” I lean over and whisper to her when I notice her squint at the menu then blink multiple times.

“No, the menu is a little blurry to me, maybe I need reading glasses or something”, she shrugs.

“I’m worried about you, at least go have your eyes checked”, I pressure her.

She places her hand on top of mine, attempting to ease my mind and says, “I promise I will make an appointment as soon as we get back to Boston”.

45: This Can’t Be Happening

Charlotte’s POV

“Miss Charlotte Thomas! The doctor is ready to see you now”, the young medical assistant announces into the waiting room.

I feel like I have been sitting in this waiting room for hours. I do not have time for this, there is too much going on at the rehab center for me to bother with having my eyes checked.

I walk into the exam room and take a seat in the chair closest to the doctor’s stool. Moments later, the tall slender optometrist enters the room and offers to shake my hand.

“What brings you into my office today, Miss Thomas?”, he asks me, his tiny spectacles inching their way down the bridge of his nose until he pushes them back up with his finger.

“I think I may need some reading glasses”, I tell him.

He starts typing on his laptop and says, “Tell me what has been going on for you to assume you need reading glasses?”

I don’t know where to begin and notice him reading over my questionnaire and symptoms checklist I had to fill out when I arrived.

“You wrote that you have been tired and sometimes things appear blurry to you but not all the time?”, he questions.

I still don’t respond so he continues, “And you have had frequent headaches with dizziness at times?”

“Yes, that is correct. Does that mean I need glasses?” I finally speak.

“I would like to give you a complete eye exam and run a few tests”, he informs me.

I do not have time for a full exam, I wish he would just prescribe me the glasses so I can get back to work.

First his assistant sits me in front of a machine that I press my forehead against. A forceful puff of air shoots into my eye making me blink rapidly. Just when I think I am prepared for the next eye; I am shot in the eye again making both my eyes water uncontrollably.

My next test consists of me staring at a beam of light for fifteen seconds without blinking while they capture images of behind my eyes.

After those tests are completed, I am instructed to sit in the exam chair so the doctor can test my sight using different lenses. I can easily read all the letters on the board in front of me and the doctor confirms I am not nearsighted.

He then brings what looks like a pen with a square tip close to my face then slowly pulls the pen away from me until I read the letters on the square tip. He then tells me to let him know when the letters become blurry. As soon as I focus on the pen moving closer to my face, I become dizzy and nauseous.

“Miss Thomas, I am going to prescribe you some reading glasses, but I am concerned about some of your tests and I had my secretary make you an appointment with a neurologist for tomorrow”, he says in a serious tone.

“Should I be worried?” I ask him with a shaky voice.

“I would rather you speak with the neurologist tomorrow, my secretary will help you check out and give you your appointment information”, he lets me know before jetting out of the room.

I slowly drive back to rehab; I feel sick to my stomach wondering what is wrong with me that I must see a neurologist. I can’t tell Levi about my appointment tomorrow; he will just freak out, like I feel like doing. Levi has been rapidly improving since we’ve been back from California, and he’s so happy about it.

Shit! I curse to myself when I arrive back at rehab. Levi is sitting in the lobby waiting for me when I walk through the door.

“Hi Love, how was your appointment?”, he shyly asks.

“It was ok I guess, I have new reading glasses”, I show him the blue framed specks.

Levi doesn’t seem to notice my nervous tension, so I ask him if he wants to practice walking with the ceiling track. Lucky for me he does not ask any other questions about my appointment and is content with working out in the gym.

The distraction of watching Levi try to walk on his own with only the ceiling harness is enough to keep my mind from worrying about myself. Since his last stem-cell treatment, he has gained a tremendous amount of strength in his hips and can take up to five steps on his own without crutches before he loses his balance and sways in the harness. I can’t help but smile and cheer for him when he takes his steps. He still requires the left leg brace and needs me to hold him steady so he can regain his balance after the harness catches him, but the progress he is making is astounding!

“You are doing fantastic Levi!” I shriek, forgetting about all my future troubles.

“Thanks! I’m so glad you brought me back to California for my last treatment, it was so worth it”, he beams.

During the last three weeks, we’ve been able to put the wheelchair away and he uses his crutches to walk around now. Under one condition though, he must wear a gait belt and he must have someone near him when he walks because he has a tendency of miss stepping and faceplants. At least with a gait belt, someone can easily grab onto it before he falls. After bumping his head and bruising his knee during his last tumble, I put a squash to him walking around unsupervised. He doesn’t like it, but as soon as I threaten to take his wheelchair back out, he obliges.

Jake has made significant improvements since his stem-cell treatment as well. Tomorrow marks the end of his twelve-month program here and him and his girlfriend have decided to continue his therapy at my California facility. They found an apartment to live in together and he plans on another round of stem-cell treatments.

Jake’s injury was more severe than Levi’s, so he has come to terms with needing his crutches for possibly the rest of his life. He has been walking with his crutches for a few months now, but since the treatment in L.A. his legs have become much stronger.

With the help of his crutches, he can now walk up and down stairs without anyone holding on to him.

We have a big going away party planned for him tomorrow, just like I have with everyone who has graduated from my program. I’m so happy for him and his girlfriend.

Back at my apartment, Levi points out that I am acting weirdly quiet, so I quickly force my behavior into my usual happy self. I’m so nervous for tomorrow’s appointment. I wish the doctor gave me a hint of what to expect instead of keeping me in the dark. This is torture!

I keep my cool around Levi for the rest of the night. Forcing myself to smile and joke around like we normally do. Only after Levi falls asleep, nuzzled up next to me do I let my fears sink in and silent tears roll down my cheek.

Morning fast approaches and I arrange for Nate to pick up Levi on the way to rehab. When Levi asks me what I am doing this morning, I tell him I have a meeting at Mass General, which isn’t a lie, I am meeting with my neurologist at Mass General. I just denied Levi the important details.

Here I am waiting in another waiting room, the clock ticking in slow motion, my nerves on high gear. A nurse directs me to the doctor’s office, and I take a seat on the couch in front of his desk. The doctor strolls in holding my file and proceeds to show me pictures of the back of my eyes, and other test results from the eye doctor yesterday.

I feel completely numb, like my body is in the room but my mind is not. I can see Dr. Sulls lips moving but I’m imagining myself listening to the teacher in a Charlie Brown episode. I only focus on a few words like biopsy, and smaller and surgery. Even though I feel like my spirit has left my body sitting on this couch while this doctor rambles on…. I am not an idiot; I know exactly what he’s trying to explain to me. My mind doesn’t want to accept it.

The doctor must be waiting for me to respond to one of his questions or something because my mind finds its way back to my body and I hear him say, “Charlotte did you hear what I just said?”, he’s giving me a weird look.

“Yes, I heard you”, I respond without any emotion in my voice.

“When do I start?”, I ask him, not wanting to believe anything he is saying to me.

“Right away! You can schedule your first appointment with the front desk”, I think is what he just said.

The receptionist hands me my appointment card and instructions and I walk out the door in a robot-like fashion to my jeep.

I slide into the driver’s seat and begin sobbing. This can’t be happening to me right now, not when Levi is on the verge of walking on his own.

46: The Unknown

Levi’s POV

Charlotte hasn’t been acting like herself today. I know she’s busy getting everything ready for Jake’s party this evening, but I feel like she’s avoiding me.

We’re alone in the gym, just her and I, hand in hand while I work on my balance. Her mind is noticeably elsewhere even though she smiles at me when I can stand longer than the last time.

“That’s it, if you don’t want to tell me why you are in a glum mood…“, I yank her into my chest and hug her tightly.

She tries to pull away after a few seconds, but I hold her even tighter and say, “I am not letting go until you either cheer up or reveal what’s bothering you”.

“I’m sorry I’m in my own world today; I will perk up, I promise”, she still doesn’t convince me.

“I have just the thing that will lighten your spirits! Will you please walk with me to the parallel bars?” I ask her.

We get to the bars and I instruct her to stand in the middle of them, facing me about two feet away.

“Levi, what are you doing?“, she drags out my name.

“Wait for it!” I tease her.

She is in position to catch me, but I shoo her hands away.

I hear her suck in a deep breath and hold it when she watches me stand up straight and let go of the bars. She instinctively moves her body closer to me, it’s her protective nature.

“Freeze! Young lady!” I tease again. “I am coming to you”, I disclose.

Keeping my hands close to the bars without touching them, I shift my weight to my right and swing my left leg forward, taking a step.

Charlotte is bug-eyed and still holding her breath, so I quickly steady myself before she passes out. Carefully, I disperse my weight to the middle and take a step forward with my right leg.

Her smile widens and I reach for her face with both of my hands and capture her mouth with mine. She kisses me back and finally breathes again, ” That was amazing! You just made my whole day!“, she declares, wrapping her arms around my waist, embracing me again.

” I thought you might like that! Sometimes I can take two steps before I need to grab the bars”, I say with glee.

She hands me my crutches. Her mood is different now, she looks happy again and says, ” How about we help get Jake’s party started?”

Once again, the lounge is full of people, music, and great food. Sarah put together a slide show on the big screen reminding us of all Jake’s milestones. Seeing pictures and videos of when he first arrived here, in pain, not able to do much on his own, brings back memories of when I first arrived. I wanted to forget about those days all together yet looking at these pictures on screen reminds me how hard Jake worked… how hard I have worked and all the challenges we have overcome.

I most enjoy the pictures of the two of us goofing around in the gym together and racing our wheelchairs down the hallway. Jake has been a great friend; he’s helped me through everything while I have been here. I hope he can say that I have helped him too. I’m going to miss not having him around every day.

Charlotte dances around from person to person, engaging in endless conversations while I talk with Jake. My eyes drift in her direction every few minutes, making me smile when she catches me staring.

Nate suggests that some of us stick around a little longer after the crowd leaves to have some drinks and reminisce. Only Nate, Jake, his girlfriend, Charlotte, and I stay. We spent the next two hours laughing and talking, all of us were buzzing at this point, except for Charlotte, she didn’t have a single sip of alcohol tonight. I was curious as to why Charlotte refused to drink tonight, but I was too off my trolley to ask her. All I heard her say was, “Someone has to make sure you make it to your bed without falling on the floor”.

The next morning, I woke up on the couch with Charlotte squeezed in next to me. Looking around I notice that we all passed out on a couch or a chair in the lounge. We must have been inebriated!

We all swallow a couple headache pills and head for breakfast. Charlotte realizes I’m still a little tipsy and places my arm around her shoulder, hers around my waist and walks me to the dining room.

“I’m sorry”, I grin at her.

“Don’t be! Everyone had fun!” she returns my grin.

“Don’t you look like a sorry bunch”, Sarah giggles as she walks over to our table with a pot of coffee. I think we all drank two or three cups worth hoping it would dissolve our hang over.

After breakfast I headed to the gym with Sarah while Charlotte took Jake and his girlfriend to her office to go over his discharge paperwork, and everything else they would need for California.

I said my goodbyes to Jake and promised I would visit him in the summer. Jake of course couldn’t leave without giving me some advice. He told me not to let fear or anger get the best of me and to remember, that when life brings me down, having someone who loves me by my side will always make it better.

Damn Jake! He should be some kind of inspirational speaker or something of the sort.

In the gym, Sarah helped me work with the parallel bars. This time I convinced her to remove my leg brace.

My left leg isn’t very strong, even after two rounds of stem-cell treatments, but I have been able to add an extra pound to the weight machine every other day; so luckily my leg is improving but at a slow and steady rate.

Sarah attached the gait belt to my waist and stood behind me, her hands firmly gripping the belt.

My left leg feels funny whenever I bend my knee to pick it up. I need to be extra cautious when I place my foot back down because I don’t have complete control of my ankle, my foot is usually set in the brace. Charlotte says it’s good to start using the bars without my leg brace so that I can get used to walking with a more natural hip movement instead of swinging my leg around to take a step, like I do when I am wearing the brace.

This is not so hard. I have mastered the bars with my leg brace on. With no brace, I have Sarah holding me steady with the gait belt and my arms carrying most of my weight.

When I was all done in the gym, I met with Nate in the weight room. Nate added the extra pound to the leg press, and I worked my way through multiple sets until I had no energy left.

Charlotte met me for lunch in the afternoon and instantly noticed I was in pain.

“Levi, you can’t work your muscles that hard in one day”, she scolds me.

“I know…“, I grunt back in pain from the constant leg spasms I’m having.

The spasms are coming one right after the other. I’m trying to breathe and put pressure on my leg at the same time and nothing is helping. I can’t even get up to walk anywhere so Charlotte has Sarah bring a wheelchair over.

“Come on, we are getting into the hot tub”, Charlotte angrily mumbles as both her and Sarah help me into the chair.

I am already wearing gym shorts, so Charlotte doesn’t bother having me change into swim trunks.

The hot water combined with the jets pulsating against my legs helped calm my spasms. The hot tub was a good idea even with Charlotte sitting in the water with me, looking at me with a scowl on her face.

“I am sorry Love”, I say, giving her my best puppy dog eyes.

“I just hate it when you’re in pain, it makes me sick to my stomach when I know you’re in pain”, she confesses.

“Awe… that’s because you love me so much”, I say, pulling her close so I can give her a smooch.

Charlotte massages my leg until she feels no further spasm.

“I walked all the way across the bars today without my brace!” I brag, changing the subject.

” I heard! That’s awesome”, she finally smiles at me.

“Do you feel like you can walk with me now, back to your room?“, she asks.

” I think you should rest the remainder of the afternoon, and we can stop for dinner somewhere on the way to my place”, she adds.

She helps me out of the tub, hands me a towel to dry off, then we slowly walk back to my room. She has her arm tightly around me while we walk. My muscles are extremely sore and not just my leg, but my back and arms too.

After a snail’s pace, we make it to my room, and I lay down on the bed.

“I think I’ve learned my lesson”, I joke with her.

” Oh, have you now”, she hums in return.

She bends down to pick up my wet towel from the floor and when she goes to stand back up straight, I see her wobble and grab onto the bureau for support.

“What just happened?“, I blurt out.

“Nothing! I’m just dizzy, I think I stayed in the hot tub too long, maybe I need some water”, she looks away from me while she speaks.

“Get some water then”, I demand.

I don’t like what just happened, she’s making me nervous.

Some time goes by before Charlotte returns to my room. She appears to have more energy and she is smiling.

“Where shall we eat tonight?“, she asks all chirpy.

“Are you feeling better?“, my voice serious when I ask her.

“Yes! much! I must have been dehydrated”, she attests.

Thankfully, I didn’t catch her having any other dizzy spells the rest of the week, which led me to believe she really was dehydrated.

The following weeks after told me differently though. It was difficult for me to pinpoint what it was exactly. She acted like her normal self around me, praising all my progress, continuing with my afternoon pool sessions, showering me with love every chance she could. Everything seemed fine except for when she disappeared for a few hours every other morning. I didn’t mind because I had therapy with Sarah and Nate, but I was curious. When I would bring it up to her, she would tell me that she was getting stuff taken care of at the hospitals.

It all made sense, it is part of her job, spending time at the hospitals, going to conferences and finding new patients who would benefit from her program.

What has gotten me the most concerned lately was when she ran off to the bathroom because she was sick last week. She blamed it on the stomach flu. This week she is blaming it on food poisoning. I took care of her the best I could, making her tea, rubbing her back when she got sick, checking her temp like she would do for me.

Today she seems to be feeling much better. She is back to her old happy self this afternoon, working with me in the gym.

I’m on my eleventh month now of this program. I have gained back strength in my hips, both arms and my right leg. If it weren’t for my stubborn left leg, I would be walking on my own by now. My right crutch and my left leg brace are all I need to help me when I walk around. Charlotte is so happy for me, and so am I.

So far this week, I have taken five or six steps without my leg brace on. My ankle isn’t sturdy, so Charlotte had a new brace made that forms around my foot, ankle and up my calf. The brace easily fits into my shoe and keeps my ankle locked in place when I step.

“What you have accomplished is remarkable Levi”, Charlotte happily reminds me.

Both my hands are on her shoulders while hers grip my waist. We are walking around the gym together, her moving backwards while I move forward. I am wearing only my new ankle brace as I practice walking, Charlotte catching me with her strength the few times my knee buckles.

Her eyes are so inviting and the way she gazes into mine shows me how proud of me she is. I would not be able to do what I am doing now without her.

“So, Mark tells me you have an audition for a new role back in London at the end of next month?“, an inquisitive tone to her voice.

” Only if I can walk on my own by then… and even then, I don’t know if I want to jump right back into acting”, I admit.

“You should go and try it anyway, maybe you will realize you have missed it…missed home”, she points out.

“Yeah, maybe, but I don’t want to leave you here”, I give her a half smile.

“I promised you I would help you to walk again so you could get back to your prior life and your career. I’m not going to be the one to hold you back”, her tone serious.

Is she trying to make me go back to London, I wonder? I’m not even sure if that’s what I want to do anymore. What I want is to be with her. She is right though; she didn’t do all of this for me so I could just give up acting. I do need a job when I am finished with my program here. I can always find some other career here in Boston, with her.

Charlotte is staring at me waiting for a response. Not sure of what I want to say, so I put my head down and sigh.

” I know, I need some time to think about it”, is all I can come up with.

47: More Than Myself

Charlotte’s POV

I have never been one to willingly accept help from others, which is ironic in a way because I always tell my patients that is exactly what they need to do to make them better.

Growing up, everyone always thought of me as the weird kid. Never asking for birthday presents or making a Christmas wish list. I always had what I needed and didn’t want anything else. What made me happy was giving something to someone else and watching their face light up with excitement. I didn’t think that was weird at all.

I want to be the one to take care of others, taking care of everyone else is all I know, now it may end up being the other way around. I will do whatever it takes though to avoid that situation. There isn’t enough time in the day for me to be sick and run two different facilities, plus spend time with Levi.

“Hold still Miss Thomas, you must not move at all until we are finished here”, The nurse instructs me.

I let my eye lids close and my mind drift to the part of my thoughts that are consumed with Levi.

“We are ready to begin Miss Thomas”, the nurse’s voice sounds like a soft whisper as my head floats high into the clouds where I can dream.

As I lay here, I can picture the way Levi’s dreamy eyes make my heart flutter just by looking at them. I think about the amusing ways he makes me laugh, the way his lips caress mine and how his fingers know just where to touch me. I have never felt this kind of love and acceptance, he makes me feel free to be me.

The instant I feel my body getting restless on the exam table, I start to visualize the moments when Levi can stand on his own a little longer, or walk a little farther, and it’s so gratifying that I forget about everything else around me.

Three mornings a week I sneak out of my rehab building and make the agonizing trek to the hospital for external-beam radiation therapy. Usually, I inform Levi that I have meetings at the hospital, and so far, he has believed me.

I am going to need to tell Nate soon. He’s already questioning my more frequent absences, and he is my second hand when I’m gone for long periods at a time. Side effects of the radiation treatments will be difficult to hide from him too.

My first week of treatments were easy. Just lie still on the table for 15 minutes while the beam of radiation does its work. The second week was when the nausea and vomiting kicked in. I told everyone it was the flu, which they didn’t question seeing as though I looked like and felt like I had the flu. It was hard to keep with the facade the third week when I continued to rush to the bathroom to vomit at random times during the day, so I blamed it on food poisoning. I know Nate no longer believes my stories at this point; it’s only fair that I tell him today.

Luckily for me I haven’t had any other side effects such as losing my hair and the nausea and vomiting have now ceased.

I realize how unfair it is to keep this from Levi, the one person I absolutely love. It is because I love him so much that I must hold myself together with gracefulness, long enough for him to walk again on his own, so I can let him go back to England. I’m not going to be the one to hold him back. After all he’s been through and overcome, he deserves every opportunity to return to his home, his friends, and his acting career. That was his goal before he fell in love with me and I am not going to take that away from him.

If Levi knows that I’m sick, he will drop everything for me. He will push his goals aside and focus on me instead of himself. He has been quickly progressing and is so close to the end of his program, I just can’t tell him.

He will probably be disappointed and angry with me when he finally does find out, but with any luck, he will find himself content at home when the news hits him.

48: The Big Day

Charlotte’s POV

Enthusiastic, thrilled, high as a kite; I can’t decide what better describes how I’m feeling today. I have that anxious, butterflies in your stomach feeling of excitement preparing for what is going to happen today. Levi has been working towards this day for a little over eleven months and I couldn’t be happier for him than I am right now.

Levi has been on the longest rollercoaster ride of his life, which is probably the best way I can describe his journey here. He has been strapped inside the car, guided by the track through steep inclines and descents, carrying him around sharp curves and changes of speed. At times he found himself stuck in a gravitational force, going around a continuous loop until the track finally changed direction and led him onto the next climb. Just as the car reaches the top of the next hill, there is a moment when everything pauses, when everything felt suspended for him and he enjoyed that moment because the anticipation of the drop was too much to bear. The drop represented everything Levi feared and lost, and he was convinced that this feeling of falling was never going to end and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Eventually he realized that the falls were a normal part of the climb and sometimes he felt the thrill. He found that if he kept on the track, the drops wouldn’t feel so bad.

We didn’t know exactly how long it would take for Levi to go from walking with one crutch to walking with no crutches at all, so it was decided that we would stream the big event today. His parents, Mark, Landon, Josh, and Andy will all be in London waiting to watch online. They are all coming to Boston in a few weeks for Levi’s big graduation party anyway, so they will be able to witness all of Levi’s accomplishments then,

There is just one thing that I need to do before Levi’s big moment…come clean with Nate, tell him everything that’s been going on with me and my new inconvenience.

Nate meets me privately in my office. “Hey Charlie, you said you needed to talk to me about something?” Nate’s voice upbeat, I feel bad that my voice will not be as pleasant when he hears what I’m going to confess.

I ask him to sit down for this and naturally it makes him a little nervous. “Is everything alright?”, he shyly asks me.

“No everything is not alright, but I hope it will be”, I say, and I see that I am starting to frighten him.

I can’t beat around the bush, so I just blurt it out. I tell him about my headaches, the dizziness and blurry vision episodes. I tell him about my eye exam and how it brought me to the neurologist, and I am on my fifth week of radiation treatment now.

After I finish spilling all my secrets, I turn my head to face him. He is completely stunned silent, his eyes wide as he stares at me.

“Nate! Are you okay?”, I ask him, trying to break him from his frozen state.

“You have been going through all of that, and you are asking me if I am okay?”, he says in disbelief.

“That is why you were sick for a few weeks?”, he confirms to himself more than asks.

I nod my head up and down.

“Does Levi know?”, he questions, his voice beyond concerned at this point.

I move closer to Nate and look straight into his eyes so that maybe he understands the reason why.

“No, Levi doesn’t know, and I am not going to tell him”.

I can sense Nate’s frustration with me now as his voice gets louder. “Charlie, you need to tell him, this is not something you can keep from him, he loves you and you love him. Can you at least tell me why?”

“I have two good reasons and hopefully Levi will understand these reasons when he does find out. The first reason is that if he were to know or if he found out when I did, he would have stopped focusing on his own progress to turn his focus on me, and there is no way I would let that happen. Second reason is that he came here to us knowing that we would give him the best chance of returning to his normal life, as normal as it can be, the life he had before his accident. He needs to go back to his home and his work and figure out for himself if that is what makes him happy. I can’t take that chance away from him.”

Nate stays quiet for a few minutes before responding. “I won’t say anything, you have my word. I only hope that he forgives you for not telling him. You two need each other. You may both be from different places, but your hearts are both the same”, he softly tells me. Nate then offers his help to me and reminds me to ask when I need it.

“Okay, enough of this gloomy aura, let’s get everything set up for Levi”, I bark.

I head to the gym where Levi is waiting for me, sitting in a chair on one end of the room. He looks so happy and the way he is fidgeting with his ankle brace tells me he is nervous as well. I walk up to him and run my fingers through his dark hair so that he looks up at me.

“Hey”, I say and then plant a soft kiss onto his lips.

“Are you ready for this?” I ask him while cupping his face with my hand and brushing my thumb across his cheek.

“With you by my side, I am always ready”, he breathes while kissing me again. I press my lips harder onto his, trying to suppress the guilty feeling creeping its way into my soul.

Nate has the live streaming all set up and ready to go. We wait until Levi’s parents and friends are on the big screen watching.

“Can everyone hear and see alright?”, Nate asks everyone back in London.

Levi’s parents both greet all of us while Levi’s friends shout wisecracks through the mic. “We are ready! Show us what you’ve got Levi”, Landon boasts with excitement.

I turn to Levi and give him my most encouraging smile, “Have I told you how proud I am of you today?” I say softly into his ear.

“Not yet”, he gives me a smirk.

Levi reaches his hand out for me to hold while he stands himself up from his chair. We stand hand in hand, perfectly still for a moment. I can feel him tense up a bit, so I give his hand a squeeze before letting it go and whisper to him, “Just breathe Levi, you’ve got this”.

Levi’s pace is slow and steady as he takes his first step, then his second on his own, without any crutches, without anyone holding on to him. Levi’s mom is screeching and crying at the same time and his friends are rallying him with each step he takes. Levi is grinning ear to ear with every cheer. He almost makes it across the room when he pauses to adjust his gait. His ankle brace causes him to walk with a slight limp, but he has learned how to convert his weight to his right when he lifts his left leg. He quickly regains his composure and carries on, until he reaches the other side of the room.

His mom is hysterically crying happy tears and his friends are yelling and giving each other high fives. I can’t seem to move from my current spot, tears are streaming down my face, I am in awe of him and I’m stationed in this spot, my mind trying to wrap around what he just showed us. I can’t explain it, the way I feel from watching him walk again on his own, is as euphoric as when I fell in love with him.

He turns around and notices me crying. “Why are you crying?”, he holds both his arms out towards me.

“Don’t make me walk all the way back over there”, he teases me.

I practically jog into his arms and embrace him.

“I love you”, he says and kisses my head while I cry into his chest.

“I love you Levi, I am so happy for you”, I sniff.

The tears are uncontrollable now, I can only anticipate what is to come next.

Levi lifts my face and wipes my watery eyes, then turns to the screen and thanks his parents and his friends for watching. They all congratulate him and promise to come visit in a few weeks.

“This was perfect! Thank you!”, Levi says to Nate and me.

“You were perfect”, I say in return, hugging him again. I don’t know how I can ever let go.

49: Hold My Hand

Levi’s POV

I have done it! I can walk again! Knowing that I was paralyzed, at one time trapped in an immobile body having to rely on everyone for everything and wondering if I would ever walk again felt like a surreal mix of reality and illusion. My subconscious wish of being independent again became my ultimate fantasy and it has been Charlotte’s unconditional love for me that has helped me shape my dream into actuality.

I telephoned my mum after we finished streaming. She was so emotional that she couldn’t stop crying, even on the phone. Charlotte could not stop crying either and Sarah was noticeably sniffing and wiping her eyes. Apparently, my display of walking stirred up a lot of emotions for all the women. Thankfully, my dad, my friends and Nate stayed grounded because I couldn’t handle all the guys crying too. I’m sure the lads will be celebrating for me at the pub tonight.

Walking without any support is new and my body tires easily after short distances, so I made sure to sit in a chair to rest my legs while I chat with mum on the phone. After I have managed to calm my mum down a bit, I hold my arms out to Charlotte, convincing her to come over to me so I can pull her down onto my lap.

“So, what do you think of all this?“, I search her thoughts.

“I think you are amazing”, her expression sweet and her voice muffled from crying.

“Then why all the bawling?“, I ask, wiping her tear-stained cheeks.

Charlotte leans her head on my shoulder and softly replies, “I don’t know, maybe it’s because I love you and how proud I am of you”.

I grab her hand and mingle my fingers with hers. “There it is, I was waiting for my daily dose of proud from you”, I try and make her laugh.

“Now if you don’t mind, I would like you to stop being such a mess so we can go back to your place and I can make you dinner”, I chuckle, giving her a kiss on her head.

Charlotte starts laughing along with me, “You, make dinner?”

“I will do my best”, I respond and we both cackle in amusement.

She slowly climbs off my lap to stand and I reach out my hand for her to take. I don’t necessarily need to hold her hand when I walk, I want to hold her hand. The way her small hand fits perfectly in mine, the feeling of her warm touch, and when our fingers intertwine brings me comfort. I’ve been longing to walk hand in hand with the woman I love. No crutches, no arm around her shoulder or her grip around my waist to keep me from falling; just her and I, striding side by side holding hands.

“Do you want to drive?“, she surprisingly asks me.

Drive! I haven’t even thought about driving. It won’t be difficult I’m sure, I have complete control of my right leg and both arms, and besides my lack of directions, my driving skills should be on point.

“Sure!“, I eagerly shout.

Piece of cake, just like I imagined. I drove Charlotte’s jeep back to her apartment without any hiccup. Being behind the wheel, and the feeling of being in control was exhilarating and another triumph for me.

“Can I drive us every day?“, I squeal like a giddy teenager driving a car for the first time.

She chuckles at my excitement, “If that’s what you want to do”.

I’m not a creative cook, so I decide to make us spaghetti and meatballs. My legs are tired, but that’s not going to stop me from walking around the kitchen like a normal human being and making dinner for my girl. Plus, I have the kitchen counters to hold onto for support if I need it. Cooking should not be this fulfilling to me, but after a year of not being able to carry out this simple task, I am finally capable, and it gives me another sense of achievement and purpose.

I don’t need to look at Charlotte for me to feel her eyes following my every move. “Are you making sure I don’t burn anything”, I jokingly ask her.

“No, I enjoy watching you”, she smiles at me.

We both talk and laugh as we eat up the food and later, I’m intimately rewarded with Charlotte joining me for a hot bath.

Charlotte’s gaze remained immersed in everything I did, from getting myself out of the tub, walking to the closet then back to the bathroom before moving to the bed. It was an awe-struck kind of look she gave me, and I found myself relished in her flattery essence.

The next morning, I drove us back to the rehab center. Boston is a tricky city to maneuver around in a vehicle, but I enjoyed every minute of this new independence. I can’t yet run or even tackle stairs on my own, however, the acts of walking around and driving have made me feel more like myself, more like a man with purpose and hope again.

Charlotte snuck off to the hospital again as soon as we arrived at rehab. I hope her consistent meetings at the hospital are bringing in more clients for her. Only one new patient has come here since Jake left, and that is only because this place is fairly small compared to her California facility.

Nate and Sarah keep my morning occupied with more therapy of course. This time I am working on the stairs. There is a small structure in the gym that represents a form of steps. It looks sort of like a small bridge with a set of three steps on both sides and railings to hold on to. If looks could be deceiving, this stair structure would be it. Sarah stands behind me with her hands on both sides of me while I use all the energy I have to lift my weight up onto the next step. Both of my hands are gripping the rails and I am using most of my arm strength to keep my left leg from giving out. My legs and arms feel like jelly after only those three steps up to the platform. I’m frozen in time, anticipating the descent when Sarah catches on to my fear and pushes me to move on.

“Down is much easier, step down with your weaker leg first, then bring your other leg down to the same step and repeat with the remaining steps”, she instructs.

I do exactly as she says. With my left ankle locked in place with my brace, this is the only way I can go down the stairs.

“Phew! You were right, that was easier than going up!” I thank her.

Charlotte looks worn out as usual when we meet for lunch. That does not persuade her from continuing my afternoon therapy though. She grabs one of my forearm crutches and then grabs my hand, leading me to the hallway staircase.

“Why do you have my crutch?“, I am curious.

“There are 20 steps here and you can only hold onto one railing for support, so you will need to use the crutch with your other arm”, she informs me.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” I snarl at her.

“Not in the least”, she smirks.

My nerves are kicking in, I inhale deeply then exhale my concerns to Charlotte. “You know I only climbed three steps with Sarah this morning, twenty is pushing it.”

“Don’t worry, you are not going to climb all of them today, but we are going to work at them every day until you make it all the way to the top and then back down”, she points out.

That does not calm my nerves any and I sarcastically spit out, “This is going to take hours.”

“And I will be right here with you every second”, she encourages me.

Charlotte has me start on the left side of the staircase, since my right arm does better with the crutch and my left hand can hold the railing. She instructs me to step up with my stronger right leg first while using my crutch at the same time then bring up my left leg to meet on the same step. Charlotte is behind me holding on to my hips and grasps tighter when she feels me wobble. I make it up six steps before both of my legs feel shaky. Looking down, I feel defeated and let out a loud sigh. She takes my crutch and puts my arm around her shoulder and guides me to sit down on the step.

“Six steps! That was great! Please don’t feel discouraged, just like all the obstacles you have overcome, this will be the same”, she takes my hand in hers and reassures me.

“Thanks! My Love”, I say and bring our locked hands up to kiss her fingers.

“You will conquer this staircase in no time”, she blurts out.

She helps me stand back up and hands me my crutch, this time my crutch is in my left hand when I go down the steps. Going down is still easier. I bring my crutch and left foot down onto the step at the same time, allowing my right leg to follow while I cling to the railing with my right hand. Charlotte stands in front of me and walks down the stairs backwards, protecting me from falling. We made it to the bottom in minutes and she congratulated me in typical Charlotte-like fashion by wrapping her arms around my back and embracing me.

We worked on the stairway every day, adding only one extra step a day. My progress was slow and tedious, though Charlotte inspired me every day to keep at it.

Fighting back my latest mood swings was getting exhausting. Now that I have felt the sweet rush of being able to walk again, I didn’t want to face the next climb. Not to mention, Charlotte is as exhausted as I am all the time, though she fights harder not to show it and continuously showers me with encouragement.

Today I’m going to make it all the way to the top of those damn stairs, and then I’m going to celebrate with charlotte by taking her out on a proper date.

50: Where It All Began

Levi’s POV

Today marks another exciting accomplishment for me at the Charlotte Thomas Rehabilitation Center. I made it all the way up the twenty steps of the dreaded staircase and back down again.

To reminisce about my very first achievement, when Charlotte magically entered my room on my first day here and helped me to move my right hand seems so minuscule compared to what I am doing now. Although Charlotte would disagree, she says that my first accomplishment no matter how small, is what led the way for all my other ones. She has celebrated each and every one, reminding me that they all took great courage and ability on my part to succeed.

Lately she keeps commenting on how inspiring I am to her and how watching me fight every day to be better helps her fight too. I’m not sure exactly what she means by that, she is the one person who has inspired me and has kept me going through all of this. Without her, I would no doubt be confined to a wheelchair alone in my flat taking pity on myself. Her comments recently are subtle but enough to make me worry. I have this nagging pit in my gut warning me that there is something wrong, I just don’t know what it is exactly.

It’s not like Charlotte is obvious when something is bothering her. She goes about her day as she normally does, she is overloaded with work, but she gets it finished, she meets me for lunch every day, does my afternoon therapy sessions, and we spend every night together at her place. The only thing out of the ordinary with Charlotte are her abstruse philosophical one-liners she has been trying to motivate me with. She has always said the most heartening things to me, and I appreciate how uplifting she is all the time, but the way she’s been speaking this week sounds like she’s trying to influence herself as well as me. This is overly concerning to me.

This afternoon we are skipping therapy and I am taking her to the place where it all began for me. I’ve been waiting for this day all week. Charlotte has no idea where I am taking her, I have kept it a surprise. She’s always the one surprising me, now it’s my turn.

“Levi, where are we going”, she asks me all bright-eyed and bushy tailed.

She hops into the passenger seat of the jeep and I tease her by placing a blindfold over her eyes. I know that seems a little dramatic, but I don’t want her to know where we are going until we get there. I have already told her how special this place is to me, if I say anything more, she will figure it out.

I pull out of the parking lot and head south on Interstate 93. She keeps us entertained by trying to find and change the radio station without her sight. She managed to press every button and turn every knob before finding the correct one, and when she found it, she turned the volume up and sang the tune. It was comical, we laughed the entire way to the secret spot.

I parked the jeep and walked over to her side to open the door for her. She held my hand as I led her out and turned her to face the welcome sign. The sign I will always remember, declaring the most ironic name. Charlotte took her blindfold off her eyes and instantly she was all smiles.

“You took me to World’s End”, she repeats the exact words that came out of my mouth when she took me here almost nine months ago.

I reach out my hand for her to hold and say, “Remember when we were at the park in California and I told you I couldn’t wait until I could hold your hand and walk beside you?”

“Yes, I remember”, her words are slow as she gives me a curious look.

“I thought this would be the perfect place to hold your hand”, I smile at her.

She places her hand in mine and we walk together side by side, down the same carriage path we have been down once before.

We enjoy the comfortable silence between us. I’m soaking in this moment, the moment I’ve wished for a long time. No conversation is needed, only her and I engrossed in the natural beauty of this place. I feel Charlotte’s thumb rubbing light circles over mine while her hand is enfolded in mine. I can’t take my eyes off her, the way she closes her eyes and breathes in the cool air captivates me. I can’t think of a time I have ever been happier, she makes me feel like my feet are barely touching the ground, like I am floating in air.

This magnificent place looks different in the spring. The vegetation is only starting to bloom, and the grass still resembles a hint of brown from the winter’s snow. We gladly explore other areas of the park now that I can walk. We can hike along the cliffs and walk along the rocky shore. The views of the bay are always spectacular no matter what season it is.

We arrive at the same grassy spot where we first had lunch. I spread the blanket I packed across a flat area.

“This is a lot easier than when I was in my chair”, I gloat.

Charlotte only nods and smiles. I take a seat down onto the blanket and pull her to sit in between my legs so she can lean her back on my chest. I brush her vanilla scented hair behind her ear and brought my face closer to her so I could gently kiss her neck. She grasped both of my hands and wrapped my arms around the front of her. We sat looking out at the bay while I enveloped her body into mine.

“This is the place where I knew I was falling in love with you”, I whisper into her ear.

She brushes her face up against my chest to look at me. “How do you know it was love?“, she whispers back.

“I was so deep into the darkness when you brought me here, I didn’t understand how I could be worth saving. You held my hand and let me stroll down the path next to you, you lifted me up and sat me on the blanket with you when you could’ve left me in my chair, and you kept your hold around me so that I could sit up while we ate lunch together. You made me feel human again and not someone who was just crippled”, I pour out my soul to her.

She unwraps my arms from her and turns her body to face me. Water is building up in her eyes and she is holding back the tears.

“How do you know it wasn’t gratitude you were feeling that day?” Her question surprises me.

“Of course, I felt gratitude, but it was love that made my body shiver when you touched my hand, love that caused electricity to flicker under my skin when you wrapped your arm around me, and love that sparked laughter back into my soul. Ever since that day you have been the air that surrounds me, the light in all my darkness and the keeper of my heart”, I profess to her.

There it is! The waterfall gushing from her beautiful eyes. I pull her into me again and hold her tight, soaking up her tears with my thumbs.

“Please don’t cry, I don’t know if you are happy or sad?“, I tell her.

“You make me feel all of those things too, Levi. I have never felt this kind of love before”, she cries out.

“Then why are you sobbing?“, I ask.

Charlotte desperately tries to contain her tears and I waited for what felt like eternity for her to collect her thoughts. she turned her gaze to the water and cleansed her cheeks with her shirt. Her sniffles slowed to a near halt.

I can’t endure the suspense any longer, I need to know. “What is really bothering you Charlotte?“, hoping she will engage.

She slowly turns to face me again, this time taking both my hands in hers, softly tracing my palms with the tip of her thumbs.

“It is because of how much I love you that I need you to go back home to England and give yourself the chance to pursue that new acting role, and the chance to enjoy life the way you did before you met me”.

“I don’t understand! You want me to leave?“, I blurt out.

“No, I don’t want you to leave…I love you; I love everything about you, you make me so happy…I just don’t want you to give up on any opportunities. You came here to me so that I could help you walk again, so you could return to your life in England”, she tries to convince me.

I retract my hands from her hold and cross my arms in front of my chest. “Well things change”, I huff.

“Yes, they do, but nothing changes the way I feel about you…please promise me you will give things back home a try”, she forcefully unlocks my arms to hold my hands again.

“Fine”, I mumble.

I know she is right. Mark is counting on me and deserves my presence since he has convinced the director to give me a shot at a new role. I owe it to my parents and my mates to return home as well, but Charlotte is my everything, just thinking about being away from her is making me panic.

She moves her body to sit next to me and holds her arm around my back, then rests her head on my shoulder. We stay together in this position, silently peering out at the sea, and alone in our thoughts.