CH 1-10

Summary

Levi Dawson, a Young, aspiring British actor thought he had everything going for him. He spent his days on the set and his nights living the high life. He was marrying his beautiful co-star actress Emma Taylor at the end of the year and he was happy, so he thought, until the accident that would change everything. Having to move into an experimental rehab center in Boston, Levi now has to accept that he may never walk again. Bound to a wheelchair and burdened with the overwhelming feeling of hopelessness, his therapist Charlotte Thomas does everything in her power to show him the true meaning of life and unconditional love, all while helping him learn to walk. But is love strong enough to overcome all obstacles?

Prologue

What happens when you have your whole life figured out and its all taken from you in an instant. No one ever prepares for a tragedy, especially one that may or may not ever happen to them. For me, I was just the unlucky bastard standing in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Little did I know my life would change forever. Everything that I though was important to me, suddenly was not. Everything and everyone I thought made me happy, now just made me feel hopeless and unworthy.

My life took a backwards turn, and all I could feel was pain. Pain from my fractured spine, pain in knowing my career may be over, pain of feeling unwanted or unloved, and pain in the uncertainty of ever walking again. This pain was unbearable and I just wanted it all to end. No one could help me, no one could save me, no one except….her!

She saved my life in more ways than one. She never gave up on me or let me give up on myself, even when I was a stubborn asshole most of the time. She saw the real me, the scared, anxious, hopeless me. She gave me hope when I had none. She showed me how to laugh again and what it means to truly love someone unconditionally. Everything that I am now is because of her.

Who knew that the most unusual twist of fate would be the most beautiful blessing in disguise.

1: Levi Dawson

“Levi, Emma are you ready”, I hear the director shout from the background. “yeah, yeah, we’re good” I respond in a more irritated tone than I meant it to be. “Let’s give it another go then” I hear for what feels like the 10th time in the last hour.

I look over at Emma as she rolls her beautiful blue eyes and shakes her head. Normally I would enjoy doing this scene over and over again with my amazingly hot co-star and now fiance. But its late and I am fairly certain there are tears of sweat forming near my brows. I can also see that Emmas’s make-up is no longer perfectly set on her face, which tells me she is exhausted.

The room is lit only with the lamp on the dark wood night stand, and a few camera lights shining on us from above the stage. The camera crew is surrounding us at every angle and the director is sitting about twenty feet away in his tall black canvas chair.

“And go!” is all I hear as I grab Emma’s long slender arms and gently slide my hands up to her wrists pulling them over her head and pushing her against the bedroom door, closing it shut. I lean in, taking her full lips into mine. I let go of her wrists and she grabs my white t-shirt, pulling it off over my head. We lock lips again and I reach around to unzip her tiny red dress, letting it fall to the floor. Damn, she is hot in her red lace bra and panties. Looking at her barely dressed in this way is so tantalizing that I get lost in my own head, forgetting that there is anyone else in the room.

I tuck Emma’s long blonde hair behind her ear and rest her face into my palm and kiss her again. This time it is not as smooth, I can feel her rushing and I know she wants to get out of here as much as I do after spending the last 8 hours in this room.

I bring my hand down her back and onto her hip, then slowly lift her long leg by her thigh and bring it up to my waist. Her legs are already so long and slim, these heels she’s wearing, makes her almost as tall as I am.

She breaks free from my grip and places her hands on my bare chest, pushing me back towards the bed. I lay back onto the white duvet cover while she continues to climb up on top of me, kneeling over me and resting both thighs on either side of my legs. We kiss again, this time putting my hands on her shoulders and rolling her over so that I am now on top. I kiss her softly one last time before I whisper, “I love you”.

“CUT!, that’s a wrap for today” the director shouts.

The camera crew scurries around while the set crew collects the props. The director walks over to us and congratulates our splendid performances before he hurries off for the night.

Emma looks up at me and smiles as I help her get up off the bed. “Thank god” she sighs with relief. “I’m going to shower and change” she says as she storms off.


“Alright? Mate” Mark says to me.

“Yeah, Yeah mate” I respond, my voice a little hoarse at this point.

“The Hawley at half eight then, I will send a car for you” Mark instructs.

“Sure, I will let Emma know to be ready” I say.

” I still don’t know what you see in her mate, She is sexy as hell but she’s demanding and controlling, nothing makes that girl happy” Mark nervously remarks as he brushes his fingers through his hair.

“Well I have plenty of issues of my own, but she sticks around and she loves me” I fire back.


Mark may be my manager, but we’ve become good friends over the past two years and I know he’s just looking out for me. He not shy with his objections of how Emma is on the outside though, how she acts on the sets and out in public. Mark finds Emma rude and needy, aka “typical actress style” he says. What Mark doesn’t see, is her vulnerable and caring side that I get to see when I’m alone with her.

I do not come from a large, well-known family. I have a tight knit group of lads who are like my brothers. Emma does not care much for them, she thinks they take my time away from her.

My flat in Camden is small but has more than enough room for Emma and I. I haven’t been able to convince her to move in with me yet. Her place is bigger and more luxurious she says, but its right in the middle of all the noise of all the pubs, restaurants and shopping. Her building is full of actors, authors, and famous musicians. I would rather reside in a lesser known place, a home without all the attraction. It is also quieter where I live, but still walking distance to some pretty cool hang outs.


My place is modern yet rustic at the same time. Post and beam accent the vaulted ceilings and the stairway up to the loft. The white walls against the wood floors makes the place feel warm and inviting, just the way I like it.

I do try to make Emma stay here on most nights rather than at her place. Her place has rooms with crimson walls, tile flooring , gold crown molding. Her housemaid is always there picking up after her, I am afraid to touch anything when I am over.

We came up with a compromise; stay at her place the first half of the week and at mine the second half. This will need to change when we get married. Selling both places and settling into a home we will agree on is going to be a challenge, one that I foresee loosing.

2: In The Blink of an Eye

I need to hurry and get changed. Emma will be impatiently waiting for us. If she would have only come back to my place like I suggested, she wouldn’t need to bombarded me with all these text messages.

Half eight and I hear the horn. Outside a black SUV is waiting for me. I open the car door and Mark is sitting in the back seat with a cooler on the floor in front of him. He looks at me all cheerful, wearing a black button down shirt and black jeans, which go perfectly with his short black hair and green eyes. I climb into the back seat with him. He holds a beer up and looks at me again, “cheers mate!”, he laughs and I already know he has had a fair amount of drinks.


I cant help but chuckle at his intemperance and also the fact that I am wearing black jeans and a dark button down shirt, but mine is more of a slate color. Emma likes this shirt, she says it highlights my blue eyes. She always comments on the way darker shirts or my dark brown hair bring out the blue in my eyes. Yet she can’t stand that my hair is a little long on the top and I can never decide if I want to style it up or to the side. Tonight I’m going for the messy look, that will probably piss her off I’m sure. She will forgive me for my lack of style later, I have no doubt.

Mark gives the driver Emma’s address so we can pick her up on the way. As we pull up to her place, she is standing by the door as I expected, with her arms crossed by her chest, I can see the vein in the middle of her forehead throb as she clenches her jaw. Even in distress she is sexy to me. Her long blonde hair is tied back revealing her picture perfect face and long neck. The strappy black dress falls just above her knees accentuating her tall slender body, and her black heels add the perfect touch. She always wears heels around me, probably so she can feel closer to my 6ft frame.

I get out of the car to meet her. “Hey baby” as I give her a kiss on her cheek, “everything ok?”.

“you’re late” she scowls, stomping her way into the car and sits right next to Mark.

Mark is rolling his eyes of course, so I shoot him over a warning look and he stops.

“The Hawley Arms” he shouts to the driver.

The driver drops us at our destination. There is a sign at the door that reads “Private Party”. Inside the pub a live band is playing and I look around and see that just about our entire cast and crew from our new movie is here, along with a few other guys I’ve never seen before. But for the most part, it seems we have the place to ourselves.

” Great! I thought we would have at least one night away from the set” Emma angrily states, then looks at me “please get me a drink”.

I leave her at the only empty table we could find then head over to the bar. I order Emma’s favorite drink and shot of whiskey for myself.

“I see Emma is beautiful as ever, even if she is …always angry”, I hear a voice say next to me.

I look up to find Liam standing next to me. I don’t know why I’m all of the sudden so irritated by his comment, usually Liam and I get along pretty well. He’s one of my supporting actors. He is generally a nice enough guy. All the girls seem to flock to him where ever we go. He’s built like me, muscular but slightly shorter with a chiseled face, blonde hair, and ocean blue eyes.


“Hey mate, lay off of the Emma comments, I don’t need her to be mad at me all night because people are talking shit about her” I glare at Liam.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to cause any problems” he says as he gives me an anxious stare.

Then he continues with “I just can’t picture you two getting married, I mean, you’re so chill and she walks around all high and mighty, expecting everyone to do everything for her”.

I can feel my anger creeping up inside me as I try and rationalize what to say to him. I can see he is getting nervous now, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck and looking down at the floor.

” Emma is just a girl who knows what she wants” I begin to explain.

“She came from nothing and has worked very hard to get to where she is now, and doesn’t want anyone or anything getting in the way of that ! Not that this is any of your fucking business” I add.

Chill?…how does he think I’m chill, I am usually the one telling everyone off . I wave the bar tender over then down another two shots of whisky before heading over to where Emma is sitting.

“Took you long enough” she frowns.

“Sorry Baby, Liam and I got talking, and well you know”, I smirk, shrugging my shoulders at the same time.

“Are you drunk already?”, she asks me.

“No not yet baby, how about you and me have a dance”, I smile at her hoping to change her mood.

“sure, why not”, she beams.

The band is playing “I am Yours” by Andy Grammer, this is perfect, she loves his music and to be honest, we need a perfect moment, just her and I right now.


I grab her hand in mine, while wrapping my other around her waist. She puts her other arm around my shoulder just in back of my neck and pulls me closer into her as she leans her head on my chest. This feels comfortable, holding her in my arms, floating across the dance floor.


Our moment doesn’t last long enough before I am dragged by Mark into multiple conversations I do not really feel like having with anyone. Someone keeps handing me drinks though, and I find myself too intoxicated to focus on what anyone is trying to say to me now. I stumble my way over to Emma who is giggling at the site of me. I just want to sit here with her and watch her laugh as she runs her hands through my hair.

“Levi, last call and then we are out of here” I hear Mark yell from across the room.

I nod, giving him a thumbs up and then lean my head back on Emma’s shoulder. She returns to toying with my messy strands, if she does this for much longer, I might pass out.


Moments later I feel Mark putting my arm around the back of his shoulder as he lifts me from my chair attempting to half carry me out of the pub.

“I can walk, I can walk” I say to him as we get outside.

He lets go of me and I fumble around when I take a few steps forward, trying to gain my composure.

“Where’s the car?” I slur.

“It’s across the street, wait for Emma, she’s right behind us” I hear Mark say.

“Okay, Okay” I say.

My uncoordinated feet trip on the curb and I end up taking a few steps backwards into the street. I look up and search for Emma. When I spot her, my body freezes. I will never forget the look of terror on her face as she screams my name.


I am not sure what just happened. I remember my body hitting the ground with a sudden force. All I can feel is pain, all I can hear is Emma screaming and Mark shouting for help. Visions of figures moving all around me. I can’t see straight, but I can hear their voices. My head is pounding, people are screaming in every direction.

Emma is standing over me, I think she is holding my hand but I cannot feel it. Mark is talking to me, asking questions.

My mind is a haze, everyone is starting to fade away now. Why can’t I move, why can’t I answer them. The pain I am feeling is unbearable. What the fuck is happening right now.

3: Charlotte Thomas

“Charlie! what should I do with all these?”, I look at the girl working the front desk, waving around a stack of papers that keep coming from the fax machine.

“Try to put them all in a binder for me so that I can look over them, a lot of information will be coming over and I need to go through them all before he gets here” I tell her.

She looks frazzled, but so does everyone here including myself. I have roughly 3 hours to have everything ready before he gets here. The stem-cell specialist will be here in 20 minutes to discuss options, and I just finished speaking with the London spine surgeon. This is all too stressful and exciting at the same time.

“I can’t believe Levi Dawson is coming to our rehab center as a patient!” I hear Sarah, one of my aides say as she runs down the hall carrying sheets and towels.

It’s really is hard to fathom, a movie star, no less, is in need of my help I start thinking to myself. Famous or not, the poor guy doesn’t deserve everything he’s going to have to go through now, no one does. From what I have been told, he was put on a flight here right after his surgery. He probably has no idea what is going on, which makes everything more perplexed.

I’m starting to feel a little nauseas, probably just my nerves. Although, I don’t know why I am so nervous, I opened this center for people like him, like my sister, so they can have every possibility of living an active happy life. I have spent all my time in this building, working with patients, perfecting this program. I sleep at home, but otherwise, I am rarely there. I have dismissed most relationships because of my commitment and my goals. My parents admire my work ethic, though still want other things for me. All that I want at the moment is right here. This is the place I feel most needed, most helpful. Helping my patients regain their independence is something I strive for.

This new patient is not an ordinary guy living an ordinary life. He has paparazzi following him, who knows how long he has until they find him here. He was just about to finish a new movie, and he has a gorgeous actress fiance. He is a very important guy to a lot of people , and everything about his life from this point on literally depends on me.

“Hey Charlie!, I have got the room all ready for him, and I have spoken to the staff about keeping it hush. I think they all get it” Nate says.

Nate is my assistant. He has poured as much sweat and heart into this program as I have, and I would not be able to run it without him. He does everything from toileting patients to helping them dress and taking over therapy sessions for me when I do not have enough time.

Everyone loves his honest personality. The women here adore his looks too of course. His dark curly hair and dark brown eyes, his dimples when he smiles, and his perfectly toned body; which is something he acquired from working out every day, and from lifting patients all day I’m sure.

“Thanks Nate”, I smile back at him, and he can’t help but notice my smile is more an expression of worry.

He grabs my hand, stares at me with his encouraging eyes and says “you are great at this! He may not be a typical patient and this is not a typical situation, but you are great at what you do. If his family and who ever else in charge of him didn’t think you could handle this, they would not have sought you out all the way from London”. I allow his words sink in for a minute and my smile turns genuine.

I finish reading all of the paperwork sent from the London hospital as the ambulance pulls up. Right behind the ambulance is a black SUV. Nate directs the EMT’s to room #5 and tells the SUV full of family, I assume, to follow him to the room.

I did not get a chance to have a good look at him, but I heard him mumbling “Emma, Emma”.

“Right here baby” I hear the woman holding his hand say.

She’s tall, blonde and beautiful, and I recognize her from a few movies. She’s definitely his fiance.

An older couple maybe in their 60’s are nervously following the stretcher. The woman’s eyes are swollen and tearful and she’s holding on to the older man’s arm for support. This must be his mom. She has the same expression of worry and fear that all mothers have when something horrible has happened to her child.

Left behind in the front doorway is a well groomed British guy frantically waving one hand around in the air while he shouts into his cell phone.

“get it done!”

“ I don’t care what they have to say!”

“It will have to be postponed”, is all I hear him shouting in his thick accent to who ever is on the other end.

I feel like this guy calls all the shots and he comes off a bit angry, I am not sure I want to introduce myself.

Just when I am about to head to room 5, the angry dark haired guy walks over to me.

“Do you know where I can find Charlotte Thomas?” he asks, giving me an anxious stare. “

“I am Charlotte Thomas”, I tell him.

Immediately his bright green eyes open wide and he jerks his head back slightly while looking me up and down. I already know what he is thinking. I am young, no one expects someone of my age to be responsible for a facility like this.

“I’m sorry, I thought you would be much older” he surprisingly states. “

“Why thank you” I respond back with a smile, I have learned to take reactions like this as a compliment.

“My name is Mark, I’m Levi’s manager, I will be here for a while making sure he gets settled in”, he says to me as he looks down at the floor and rubs his hand on the back of his neck.

“Don’t worry'” I assure him.

“I will go over everything with you and the family once I have a chance to talk with Levi”, I tell him.

“Can you tell me who those people are who came with you?’ I ask Mark.

It is important that I get to know everyone who will be with Levi, helping him and supporting him. These will be the most important people in his life while he is here. All of my patients have thrived when they had someone by their side, encouraging them.

“yeah, sure, those are his parents Tom and Jenn and his fiance, Emma”, he states.

As I lead Mark towards Levi’s room, I see Levi’s father standing outside the door with his face resting in his hands.

Yelling is coming from Levi’s room.

“Where the fuck am I, why isn’t anyone telling me what is going on, and why the fuck can’t I get out of this bed”.

As I approach his room, I hear his mum softly say, “Levi, sweetheart, you were hit by a car and you are paralyzed, we have brought you to Boston where you will have the best chance of walking again”.

Levi starts shouting again. This time louder, more hysterical.

“Walk again!, walk again!, what the fuck!”, he starts screaming again.

4: Paralyzed

Levi’s POV

Paralyzed! walk again! Those inconceivable words playing over and over in my head. I must be delusional! That has got to be it! The pain killers must be making my mind foggy.

How did this even happen? One minute I am having drinks and dancing with Emma and the next I am here. I have no recollection of the events that took place after Mark dragged me out of the pub. None of this seems real. Like I woke up in the middle of a surreal dream.

All I see above me while I lie here is a white ceiling and when I turn my head slightly, I can see light gray walls. Emma is gently rubbing up and down my arm with her hand and she is whispering, “It’s ok baby, everything will be ok”, I am not sure I believe her as tears are rapidly flowing down her face.

My mum is sitting by my other side and looks like she has been crying nonstop for hours. I can feel Emma lightly stroking my arm, but I cannot seem to reach for her, my arms feel heavy, so heavy that I cannot move them even though I want to. I look down and see my legs covered by a blanket. I try to wiggle my toes from underneath the covers, but I can’t, they do not even feel like they are connected to my body.

This is scary shit! My heart is uncontrollably beating out of my chest now, and my rapid breathing is starting to intensify even more. I can’t even focus on anything that is going on around me. Someone please help me! But the words do not leave my mouth.

Emma continues nervously stroking my arm and I cannot take it anymore.

“Stop touching me” I blurt out.

Instantly, the expression on Emma’s face turns to shock and she instinctively steps away from me, her eyes filled with even more pity than before.

“Everyone just please stop touching me! and stop crying! you’re not the ones lying in this bed”, I am practically hyperventilating now.

This is not happening! this is just a terrible hallucination I try to convince myself.

Just then, I am startled by the feeling of my right arm being lifted from the bed. I can feel some pressure up towards my armpit, the pressure then shifts to my elbow down to my fingers. I look over towards my arm and find someone massaging my hand and fingers with hers, then back up towards my shoulder, massaging certain spots and back down my arm again, ending at my fingers. I did not even notice her enter the room just as I was about to flip my shit. But here she is, this strange and beautiful girl, gently yet firmly massaging my arm, and without realizing it, my breathing begins to slow.

“Look at me” her angelic voice says.

With hesitation I try and focus my gaze on her.

“My name is Charlotte Thomas, but everyone around here calls me Charlie”, she says to me, and I find myself staring at her with nothing but confusion.

She is looks to be around my age and she is very pretty. Her hazel eyes are studying me, it is not a look of pity for me when she looks into my eyes, it is more of a hopeful and determined look. The way she looks at me is much more calming to me than the way my parents and Emma have been looking at me.

This situation is mysterious and strange, almost resembling an eerie sensation of only her and I alone in this unfamiliar room as everyone else around me has become ghostly silent.

“What are you doing to my arm” I ask her, still trying to determine is she is a figment of my imagination.

“I know you can feel this, now I want to show you that you can move your arm and fingers”. She encourages me.

The only thing I can do is shake my head at her. I can feel the image of disbelief forming across my face and I am positive she can see it.

“I want you to only focus on your hand and fingers and nothing else” she calmly says while I nod my head.

“Now squeeze my hand” she instructs.

“I can’t” I mumble back.

She gives me the most encouraging smile and says, “yes you can Levi, try one more time, focus…Good!” she says, and at that moment I hear everyone in the room gasp.

“What the hell?“, my voice more demanding now.

This feels like an episode straight out of the twilight zone. Who is this girl and what did she just do to me? She popped into my room out of nowhere, distracting me from my fit of rage, and performed some special magic. She is so calm, and she seems to be making me calm as well.

Emma rushes over to my side again and grabs my hand. I give it a little squeeze with mine and she smiles. My mum is crying again but I think they are happy tears now, who knows, this is all so fucked up.

The beautiful calm girl who’s name is now forever engraved in my mind, starts speaking again.

“Levi, your family has brought you here to my rehabilitation center because it is the only kind in the world like it, and my program is meant to help you learn how to walk again”.

She must see the bewildered look on my face because she continues to explain what happened to me.

“You were hit by a car and the impact broke your back in two places. The lower break caused bruising on your spinal cord which is why you cannot move your legs right now”.

My breathing is starting to pick up again as she attempts to make sense of all this. I look around the room and see my dad sitting in a chair with his hands on his lap listening to the girl. My mum of course is still crying, and Mark is pacing back and forth in the opposite corner of the room. Emma is still holding my hand and looking at me with the saddest look in her eyes, like someone just died. I wish I really had died. I can’t breathe again; this is too much.

“If you’ll allow, I’d like to talk with you alone Levi, so I can explain more, and so I can get a sense of how you feel about my program here”, Charlotte asks me.

I nod my head in agreement and she instructs everyone else in the room to follow her assistant to the lounge so they can get some coffee and food.

Charlotte notices the anxiety spilling over my face and the angry scowl on Emma’s face after her request.

“I need to access how much feeling and movement Levi has, and I need him to fully understand and agree to this therapy, without any influencing factors”, Charlotte directs right at Emma.

Emma crosses her arms like a spiled little girl. She hates being told what to do.

“It will take about an hour, try to enjoy some fresh coffee and snacks in the lounge, or you are welcome to take a walk along the gardens”, she says.

Emma reluctantly nods and whispers to me “I will be back soon babe”.

The room is now silent, I don’t hear anyone sobbing which is a relief. Charlotte pulls up a chair next to my bed and uses the bed controller to slowly sit me up.

“Let me know if I am hurting you Levi”

She brings the back of the bed just enough so that I am eye level with her.

” I thought we could just talk face to face, instead of me looking down at you”, she says to me with her gentle voice.

Even though my whole body feels like it is shaking inside from anxiety, this girl seems to know how to make everything a little calmer.

5: Nothing Works

Levi’s POV

“How is your pain level right now? one being the least amount of pain and ten being the worst”, Charlotte asks me.

I wasn’t even noticing or even thinking about pain or the fact that I have two fractures in my back.

“Umm a four maybe”, I lie.

Now that she has asked me, I am in quite a lot of pain. She must notice I lied because she gets a few extra pillows from the closet and places them under my arms.

“I am just going to adjust your posture so that you are more comfortable”, she says.

Before I can respond, she stands up and leans over me while gently placing her hands behind my shoulders, shifting my upper body slightly to the left. I hold my breath and realize that my body will not lift on its own and she is the one moving my torso.

“Does that help with the pain at all?” she looks worried.

“yes” I reply, not lying this time.

“I am sorry for all the commotion earlier, it must have been scary for you not knowing why you are here”, she says to me.

I do not know what to say so I just nod. The events are unreal to me and I need to be reminded of the details. I gather all the courage I have and ask her, “Can you please tell me what happened again and how I got here?”

She sits back down next to me, “of course” she says.

She continues to tell me that I was hit by a car while I was walking in the street in London, I was taken to the hospital where they did surgery on my lower spine to stabilize it, then I was immediately flown here to Boston on a med plane. Mark had heard about this experimental therapy program for people with spinal cord injuries and called Charlotte immediately. There was only one spot open, so Mark and my family flew me here right away.

“It was very important that your family get you here quickly, because therapy treatment needs to start immediately so that your nerves stay active and you have the best chance of regaining strength and movement”, she says looking straight into my eyes so that she knows I understand.

All I can do is nod and stare at her. Her eyes are so calm, and I am caught trying to figure out what color they are, instead of honestly listening to what she is saying. There is a layer of dark blue, then green and a hint of gold to her eyes, they are mesmerizing!

“Is it alright that I try a few things to your left arm like I did to your right one? and to your legs and feet?” she asks me.

I immediately stop staring at her, “yeah, sure” I clear my throat and say.

She walks over to my left side and gently picks up my left arm and begins to press and massage in the same areas she did with my right arm. She must see the discouragement on my face when she asks me to squeeze her hand and I am barely able to do it.

She looks at me with an encouraging smile and says, “It’s ok, you can feel what I am doing right?, this is just your baseline, and now I know what we will need to work on” .

I should be scared as shit right now, but she seems so hopeful and maybe I should be too.

She moves to my right leg, this time just moving her hand from my thigh down to my toes.

“Can you feel this?” she asks me with a concerned look.

“No” I angrily state, not meaning to sound so angry, but now I feel like I am shaking and hyperventilating all over again.

She firmly presses her thumb into my inner thigh next to my groin and keeps it there a few seconds before massaging my upper leg. She then presses into areas around my knee and into my calf. I can feel that now as she is looking at me and waiting for me to respond.

“Just breathe” she says in a soft yet comforting tone.

I feel my breathing begin to slow again as she massages my leg and foot.

“Try to lift your knee up from the bed”, she tells me.

Just then she gives me a huge smile. “That was a good inch up off the bed”, she says with excitement.

At that moment I feel myself smiling back at her, and I feel a small sense of relief.

She moves to my left leg, doing the same she did with my right. Only this time my left leg barely moved when she asked me. For some reason, the left side of my body does not want to cooperate, but since she still looks so hopeful, I will too for the moment.

Charlotte then begins to explain that the therapy treatment will be intense. Constant therapy for 16 hours every day. She explained some of different types of therapy they do here and that her and her assistant and one other person would oversee my case.

She informs me that my program will last 12-18 months, and at the end of the 12 months I would have gained all the feeling and movement I was going to have. After that, therapy would switch to learning how to live independently. When she informs me that I may or may not need crutches or a wheelchair to help me get around for the rest of my life, my eyes swell up and tears start rolling down my cheeks.

She tucks her long dirty-blonde wavy hair behind her ears and leans over to wipe my tears from my face, since I cannot do it myself.

We talked for a little longer. she made sure I knew that I would have ups and downs, and that I would need to be on a bladder and bowel regiment to help gain control of those again.

“What do you mean control my bladder and bowels again?” I harshly ask her.

She then takes my hand in hers and looks at me with her beautiful multi color eyes and says” I know you are angry and scared, and 12 months is a long time, but I will do whatever it takes and I will help you every step of the way, to get you back to an active happy lifestyle”.

Charlotte wipes my tears one more time. It is killing me to know that this beautiful girl undoubtedly will need to do everything for me. I cannot even lift my own hand up to my face to wipe off my embarrassment.

“I will send in Nate to get you cleaned up and I will let your family and manager know about the program and the length of therapy we discussed, I will be right outside if you need anything else”, she says and walks out the door.

I can feel warmth near my groin area and look down to realize that I have pissed myself. “fuck” I blurt out loudly. Does any part of my body work anymore?

6: Disbelief

Charlotte’s POV

I walk into the lounge to find Levi’s parents sitting together on a small couch in the corner of the room, and Mark on his cell phone again pacing back and forth.

The lounge was designed to be a comfortable place for anyone to relax. The room is well lit, there are two small brown leather couches in each back corner and a large L-shaped brown leather couch in the middle of the room. Two black leather recliner chairs near each end of the large couch. The whole facility, including this lounge room is adorned with Natural wood beams that accent the high ceilings. The contrast of the light walls and wood flooring give the everything a rustic and inviting feeling. An entertainment center with a 65″ TV makes the room perfect for gatherings.

Emma sprung up from one of the recliner chairs as soon as she spotted me enter the room and says, “Are you done with Levi? can I see him now”.

“Just a little longer, my assistant Nate is in the room with him now”.

Emma’s eyes narrow, she huffs loudly and I can sense that she is getting impatient with me.

“If everyone could grab a seat in front of the TV, I would like to show you a presentation of our place here and help explain what Levi will be doing while he is with us”, I instruct.

Everyone cautiously takes a seat on the large couch in the middle of the room. Apprehension clearly expressed on each of their faces. Levi’s parents are sitting in the middle of the couch holding each other’s hands tightly together. While Mark and Emma take a seat on either side of them.

I began by showing them a video which was more of a virtual tour of the facility and an introduction to the important people who will be working with Levi every day. The second half of the video showed an example about each type of therapy that is offered.

At the end of the video I take a deep breath and began explaining that because of the extent of Levi’s injuries he would need 16 hours of therapy every day and his program would be complete in 12-18 months

I bit my bottom lip while anxiously awaiting their reactions. Immediately Mark stood up and started rubbing the side of his face while pacing again back and forth near the couch. Tears were falling again down Levi’s mother’s face, while his father just hugged her, then he looked at me and nodded with approval.

“18 months!, 18 months!, what am I supposed to do for 18 months, stay here?, go back?, why is it going to take that long for him to walk again”, the hysterical words come rushing from Emma’s mouth.

I begin speaking as calmly as I can, “I know it seems like a very long time, I’m hoping to have him walking again, whether on his own or with assistance by 12 months, the last 6 months will be for Levi to learn how to function independently with whatever limitations he may have”.

“You mean he might never walk on his own again? why did we bring him here? I thought you were going to make him normal again?“, Emma blurts out in frustration.

“Shut up and Sit down, Emma”, Mark demands.

That catches Emma completely off guard, and she sits down, but not before giving Mark the most irritating look.

Mark looks at me, “Have you told Levi everything? has he agreed to stay here and go through with this therapy?“.

“Yes, I have explained everything to him, and he agrees”, I assure everyone.

I continue on, saying, “I want you all to understand, that I can’t give you daily personal medical information about Levi, that information has to come from Levi himself if he wants to share it with anyone. You also have to understand that Levi needs your support as he learns how to do everything all over again, not just walking, but moving his arms and legs, learning to sit up on his own, feeding himself…basically everything we do easily on a daily basis, he will need to learn how to do all over again and he will need all the support he can receive from you”.

Everyone’s eyes stare at me in disbelief, while letting my words sink in, and they start to realize the reality of this whole situation.

This is the hardest part of my job. I have seen this reaction from every family that has been in this room and it breaks my heart every time.

Mark turns to Emma and says”, You can stay here with him as long as you need to, we can push back finishing the movie as far as we can push it. It’s on the last scenes now and Levi has luckily finished all his scenes already, we just need you for what’s left”.

Emma nods in agreement, then turns to me, “Can we go see him now?”

Levi’s father walks up to me and assures me that he knows that he brought his son to the right place and that this is his best chance. He thanks me before taking his wife’s hand and leading her to Levi’s room.

7: Humiliated

Levi’s POV

I am not sure that I can feel anymore humiliated. I just pissed myself and did not even realize it until I felt the warmth run down my leg and see it on my sheets. Now that I am thinking about it, things are going to become quite uncomfortable knowing that this guy Nate has to clean me up. I no longer feel like I am me, I am a useless person who can’t even use to loo on my own and I am going to need to rely on strangers to clean up my mess. Oh no! am I going to also shit myself without knowing it! That better not happen!

“Hey man, I know this is really upsetting, but it will get better, we will get you on a schedule and this won’t happen nearly as often as you think” Nate assures me.

I am sure he sees the horrid look on my face. I’m too embarrassed right now to even speak. I wonder if he is embarrassed for me, although he is probably used to this around here. Normally, I would just curse him out, yell at him, something…but I just lay here silently humiliated and stare out the window.

He starts to put the head of the bed down, so I am lying flat. “Sarah, my assistant is coming in to help me roll you and change the sheets, we need two people for this so we can move you while keeping your back straight, let me know if we are causing you any pain”.

A young girl, probably in her early twenties enters the room. Her voice is bubbly, and she is smiling, “Hey Levi”, she cheerfully says.

This fragile looking girl with long brown hair and big brown eyes is a overly happy for my liking right now, but I do not have any choice in the matter. I no longer have any choice when it comes to my body. They can leave me here in my own filth, for all I care, but that will not be an option for me. Everything I was once able to do is now gone, taken from me and I am left with nothing working.

Nate leans over me and puts one hand on the back of my right shoulder and one hand on my right hip and rolls me to my side, as the fragile bubbly girl swiftly removes one side of the sheets and replaces it with a clean one. Nate then switches sides and rolls me the other way while Sarah does the same thing with the sheets on the other side of the bed. And just like that I am lying on clean sheets again. The process of changing my bed sheets was swift and painless, one thing out of this shitty mess that I can appreciate.

“Ok, let me know if you need anything else? nice to meet you Levi”, the girl says as she darts out of my room.

“I’m going to clean you up now and get you into some comfortable sweatpants and a shirt instead of this terrible hospital gown”, Nate states.

Fuck! I feel my brows pinching together as I glare over at Nate. Just the thought of being fully exposed to this stranger as he cleans my dick and then must dress my limp body is putting me over the edge.

He must see the anguish rush over my face because he quickly starts to wash me with a warm wash cloth and says, “This part will be easier if we focus on something else”.

Pondering for a second, he then asks me, “What do you think of Charlie so far?”

“Charlie?” I question.

“Oh right, she probably introduced herself as Charlotte”, he corrects himself.

“Some of us call her Charlie, she doesn’t really prefer one over the other”, he tells me.

As soon as Nate mentioned her name, a rush of calm came over me and I suddenly forgot what was currently being done to me. I close my eyes and remember her soft touch, the way she slowed my breathing down, the way she brought me to her eye level so I would not feel so inferior. She has treated me as a competent human being instead of a hopeless freak. Nate is treating me in a similar fashion, not as gentle but he is straight forward, making me feel less inadequate. I can respect him for that.

Nate lifting me forward to put my shirt on, wakes me from my soothing trance. I realize I have not answered his question yet.

“She seems very kind”, is all I say.

“Yes, she is probably the nicest, most caring and determined person I know”. Nate happily exclaims.

“I’m finished, are you a little more comfortable now?” Nate asks me.

That was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I nod my head and thank him.

“Good, I will let your family know they can come in now”. Nate turns and walks out the door, leaving me alone with my troubled thoughts again.

I do feel a little better now that I am in some comfortable clothes. I do not like this feeling of not being in control of my body. I hate that Emma must see me useless like this. I need to know how she is feeling, what does she think of me now, will she still love me? How can she love a man who cannot even move, cannot even use the toilet, cannot even hold her hand? I need her to love me, without her love, I have nothing at all.

I can’t even get my hand to catch the tear I feel falling down my cheek again. I know Emma cares for me, but I don’t know what this will do to her now. She is very set in her ways and she has specific goals that she wants to achieve, and I already know she will not let anything get in her way.

The door opens and Emma, Mark and my parents somberly walk in. My mum does not seem to be crying anymore, which is a relief. Emma rushes over to my side and grabs my right hand, I manage to give hers a little squeeze.

“I am going to be ok”, I try to assure her while forcing a smile.

“Yes, you are mate!“, Mark blurts out from the corner of the room.

“I’m going to make sure you are all settled here, then I am going fix things over in London, get the movie wrapped up, this is a great place here, looks like you will be very busy”, Mark rants off.

Mark continues again, ” I will call every day and I will be back for a visit next weekend”.

“Yeah, yeah, ok thanks mate”, I reply.

I look over at Emma, “are you going to stay?” I ask her.

“Yes, I’m going to stay as long as I can”, she grasps my hand tighter.

“So are your mother and I”, I hear my father chime in.

“Charlotte suggested a hotel close by for us, so we will be going there tonight to shower, eat and get some sleep”, my mother finally utters.

They all hung around a little longer, staring at my motionless body, probably waiting for some part of me to miraculously move. No one said much of anything. I think everyone is still too stunned to know what to say, and probably hungry and tired, so I suggested they head to the hotel.

I know they love me and want to stay and help me, but a part of them also wants to forget that the person they love is now crippled. I do not blame them, this is overwhelming for everyone.

My mum leans over and kisses my forehead and says “I love you son”, then Emma plants her lips softly to mine and whispers, “I will see you in the morning”, then they all turned around and left me desolate.

There is no use trying to hold back my tears. I am not one who cries often, but here I am, wallowing in self pity.

8: Night One

Levi’s POV

I am left abandoned now in this huge room. It is the first time I had a moment to inspect everything around me. My bed is much bigger than a regular hospital bed, two of me could fit on here and I don’t know if it is my new found loss of control or sensation of my body, but I can tell this isn’t a regular mattress. The material is hard to describe, like an air mattress with hundreds of squishy bubbles, I feel like I’m floating on top of it.

There are two oak night stands on either side of the bed, a leather recliner sits in the corner of the room, and a big screen TV on the wall facing my bed. The walls are light grey, the floors are wood and two fat wood beams intersect the ceiling, it reminds me of my flat in England.

I have a private bathroom, but cannot make out what it looks like, who knows if I will ever use it. Thankfully, I can lift my head and move it around freely. I can get my right hand to slide left and right over the sheets and my elbow to bend slightly. I do not know if I can handle even attempting to move my legs or other arm right now, just thinking of myself lying here paralyzed is causing my body to tense then release, followed by an internal shakiness. This is what it must feel like to panic. It is an uncontrollable, heart pounding, limbs shaking, can’t catch my breath kind of feeling. Isn’t it enough that I am paralyzed? Panic attacks are not what I want added to my misery.

Just as I was about to lose my mind, I hear a knock at my door and Charlotte walks in. She is pushing a tray on wheels and what looks like a plate of food on top.

“Hi”, her voice soft and sweet. “I thought you might be hungry”.

I do feel famished, but how am I supposed to eat, is she going to feed it to me like an infant. I do not know if I can handle that, I have not been able to handle anything else today so far, and for some reason, having Charlotte feed me makes it more futile.

“Is Nate coming in to feed me?” I ask her, hoping she will say yes.

“You are stuck with me”, she cheerfully replies.

“Great”, I sarcastically grunt without meaning for her to hear that.

I feel my brows squeeze together as I glare at her, even though I know I am being rude, and she does not deserve it.

“And I am not going to feed you, I am going to help you feed yourself, plus you don’t look like the kind of guy who wants to be fed”, she smirks, trying to lighten my mood.

Somehow it is working, just her being in the room is putting me at ease, I do not want to be alone right now. She pulls up a chair next to me and adjusts my bed, so I am sitting up more.

“I should have asked you what you wanted first, I am sorry, I hope a soup and sandwich is ok?, if not , I will have the kitchen make you something else”, she says.

“No, it’s fine”, I assure her. I would eat anything right about now if I could.

She moves her chair so that she is sitting closer to my bed, but so that we are both facing the same way. Then she slides her forearm and hand underneath mine and guides my hand to the plate in front of me. I silently watch her as she helps me reach for the sandwich. This is strangely comforting and I find myself continuing to stare at what she is doing to me, this is not what I expected. I feel her place her hand on top of mine and wraps my fingers around the sandwich while using her other hand to bring my hand up to my mouth. I take a few bites and swallow my food down.

“Thank you”, I say to her.

“The soup might be a little tricky, but we’ll try not to make a mess”, she chuckles.

I am so thankful for her positive mood; I need things to lighten up a bit after listening to my mum cry all day.

Charlotte picks up my arm and hand again and this time helps me reach an odd-looking spoon. It has a fat handle, and the actual metal spoon part is bent inwards. Once she grasps my hand around the handle, I realize why this spoon is shaped this way, making it easier to grasp and bring it to my mouth without spilling the soup all over me.

This whole eating process was not as terrible as I expected it to be. I felt ashamed at first, having this remarkable girl feed me, but Charlotte occupied my mind by talking about the different things they have here, like the exercise room and therapy pool and spa. She asked me questions about where I am from and if I had any other family other than who she met today. Our conversation was a nice and a much-needed distraction.

“I’m going to send Nate in now to help you get ready for the night, I will see you in the morning for breakfast, I hope you can get some sleep tonight”, she smiles.

I thank her again as she walks out of the room. An uncommon sense of loneliness creeps in as I watch her leave. I have a feeling now that loneliness is going to become a common unwanted friend of mine.

A minute later Nate walks in with the two machines and sets them down on the bed.

“We have got to start the toileting schedule”, he reminds me, and brings a urinal to my dick so I can piss in it.

At least it wasn’t all over the sheets this time. He then brings the machines over to each of my legs. He places my leg on top of the padding on the machine and straps it in, then does the same to my other leg.

“These machines will give your legs a slow constant movement, bending and flexing your knee, this helps stimulate your muscles, I will leave them on for an hour then come and take them off so you can get some sleep”, Nate implies.

“Ok”, Is all I muster to say. I am so tired at this point nothing new is going to phase me.

“This whole room is wired into Alexa, so you can just tell her to turn on the TV, and what channel you want to watch. You can tell her to turn off the lights and can also ask her to call one of us if you need anything”, Nates tells me.

“Thanks Mate” I say back. He tells me he will return in an hour then leaves the room.

The hour went by quickly as I spent the time trying to figure out the TV, maybe Alexa doesn’t understand my British accent because she seemed to ignore the channels I requested. Nate came back and removed the leg machines, made sure I was comfortable and then left me be. I am so tired that even with the annoying ache in my back, I am sure I will be able to sleep.

9: Emma Taylor

I didn’t sleep at all last night. I cannot wrap my mind around what’s happened the last few days. This all just feels like one big nightmare that might never end.

I’m afraid to be alone in the room with Levi, I should not be feeling this way, but I don’t know what to do or how to act with him. I am upset, like a mixture of anger and sadness in one. I am sure Levi feels the same, even worse since this is him it has happened to. But this has also happened to me, not the physical part, but every other way about it. We were supposed to finish up our movie and start planning our wedding, even move in together in the next few weeks.

How are we supposed to do that now? Now he must stay here for at least 12 months! What am I going to do, stay here, go home, and come back every few weeks to visit? I must go back to finish the movie, I know that. I will feel awful leaving him here while I am gone, but it must be done.

Today I cannot be selfish, I need to be here for him. I want to help him, I’m just unsure how.

I walk across the hall to Levi’s parents’ room and tell them I will go see Levi early and have breakfast with him, so they can take their time getting ready.

The 5-minute walk to the rehab center is just what I need to settle my nerves. The weather is beautiful, springtime here in Boston seems nice. The sidewalks are filled with people walking in both directions and the street is busy with traffic, but I don’t notice the noise around me because I’m lost in my own head anticipating what this day will be like.

I am greeted at the door by a young blonde girl behind the front desk. She is smiling at me and lets me know Levi is waiting for me. Why is everyone smiling around here? This does not seem like the appropriate place to be smiling, all I want to do is cry, but for some reason I hold it together while that girl continues to smile at me. My mood keeps fluctuating and that assistant guy, Nate passes me in the hall and greets me while also smiling. This has got to be a nightmare, and I want to wake up from it right now.

I find myself pausing right outside Levi’s door. I am so nervous, I know I must go in there, but I cannot get myself to move any further. All the sudden I snap out of it as Charlotte walks out of his room and catches me standing there. I expected her to give me some kind of condescending look as I stand like a statue outside his door, but instead she just looks at me plainly like she knows what I am feeling at this moment.

“Good morning Emma”, she kindly says.

“Levi is just about to have breakfast, I’m sure he would love to have your company”, Charlotte encourages me, then gently places her hand on the back of my shoulder and guides me into his room.

Levi’s bed is upright so that he is sitting up to eat. He is dressed in a black t-shirt and grey sweatpants which look comfortable, but I am used to seeing him dressed in jeans. I’m used to him sitting at a table for breakfast too, not in bed with a tray in front of him. His face looks pale and I cannot tell if he looks like he is in pain or if he is tired.

“Hey baby, I’m glad you are here, did you sleep well?” he asks me.

I instantly start smiling back at him when I notice him reaching his right hand up towards me. He can move his arms now, oh thank god! I think to myself, maybe this won’t be so bad, and he will be up and moving in no time.

“Come sit here next to me”, he pats towards the chair by his bed.

I cannot help staring at what is on his tray. The utensils are bent and have extra thick handles, and the large plastic mug has a large space between the cup part and the handle.

“These are very odd dishes they’ve given you”, I say to Levi.

He gives me a half smile and responds, “I can’t grab a normal fork, and this mug is made so I can put my hand between the handle so that you can help me bring the drink up to my mouth without me spilling it everywhere”.

“What!“, the sound of shock slips out of my mouth.

My reaction must have scared him because he looks down and nearly whispers, “Well that is only if you want to help me eat”.

“Um, yes, of course”, I recover.

Thankfully, Charlotte saves us from the awkwardness and walks over to show me how to feed Levi.

“Just put your hand over his and help him grasp the fork and use your other hand to help guide his movement towards his mouth, like this”, Charlotte instructs.

“Isn’t it easier if I just feed him myself?“, I question her.

Charlotte smiles while acknowledging my question, “Yes it is easier, but we want Levi to learn how to do this on his own, it will get easier for him as he gains more strength and movement, plus this gives him a little more independence. I’ll leave you two alone for a bit, let me know if you need anything”, she says and then leaves the room.

The next 30 minutes I spend trying to help Levi eat. I try to help him one way while he tries to instruct me another. It is all too surreal. Neither of us know what to say or how to act right now, so I decide to ask about his night and how he likes the place so far.

Nate comes in the room just as we finish breakfast. “We are going to start morning therapy now”, he tells us.

“You can stay and watch, or you can help with the therapy if you would like Emma”, Nate says to me.

I agree to stay and try to help.

Nate instructs me to stand on Levi’s right side. “His right side is a little easier, as he will be able to help you a bit”, Nate tells me, and I give him a questioning look.

Nate picks up Levi’s seemingly lifeless left arm and begins to massage his shoulder down to his elbow, making small circular motions with his thumbs. Levi looks at me and gently touches my hand. He slightly raises his arm for me while nodding at me to take it. I lift it enough for me to get my hands around his upper arm, then I look over to Nate.

“It’s ok Emma, just do what I’m doing, press into his muscles, you won’t hurt him”, he instructs.

I start to copy Nate’s movements and I find myself staring at him, not even looking to see if I am doing my part right.

“Are you ok?“, Levi whispers to me, bringing me back out of my trance.

“Yes sorry, I want to make sure I’m doing it right”, I say.

“You are doing fine baby, thank you for helping”, he says in his sweetest voice.

Nate disrupts the uncomfortable feeling in the room by asking us about the movie we are making. It felt refreshing to talk about something familiar to us. Levi and I filled him in on all the details about the movie and who all the actors are.

I was too into the conversation we were having to realize I was now bending Levi’s elbow, then massaging his forearm, moving his wrist and then his fingers around, as Nate was doing to Levi’s left side.

We then moved on to legs. Things got very weird when Nate reached up to Levi’s upper thigh near his groin to start massaging, and it got even worse when I was doing the same thing to Levi’s right thigh. Levi kept shifting his wide stare from Nate to me then back to Nate. This must be embarrassing for him; I know it is for me. Things got slightly better as we made our way down to Levi’s knees and ankles.

Levi was able to lift his right knee slightly for me, but I couldn’t help but notice he was not moving his left leg at all. I felt my eyes fill with liquid and looked away quickly hoping Levi would not catch me crying.

“Is this the type of therapy Levi will have every day?“, I ask Nate.

“Yes he will have this type of massage therapy twice a day, but he will also have many other different therapies throughout the day”, he continues in his confident voice…“The first two weeks will be similar to this, this passive therapy as we wait for his fractures to heal. After that, we will be able to get him sitting up, swimming, lifting weights and all kinds of other things. It’s just slow at first, but will get better”.

“I’m going to help him with toileting now, then get him up into a wheelchair so he can hang out with you and the family in the lounge”, Nate explains.

I look at Levi, and then tell him I will call his parents to come over now. I lean over and kiss his forehead, then head out of the room.

Finally out of the room, I lean my back against the wall right outside his door and release a long breath I didn’t realize I was holding, and begin to feel the tears welling up in my eyes again.

10: Scared of Me

Levi’s POV

My sleep was sporadic and when I woke this morning, I almost started to panic again. I felt trapped in my bed, like my arms and legs were tied down and there was no way out. It took everything I had to try and calm myself down long enough to focus on my right arm. I took a deep breath and willed my brain to make my right arm move. I have never had to conscientiously make any part of my body move before, but here I am, staring at my right arm and telling it to move. Oh, thank God, I exhaled, I can lift my arm up off the bed and bend it slightly. Hesitation stops me from turning to my left arm, and my stomach begins to churn.

Thoughts of my left side not moving start to flood my mind and my breathing picks up again. I feel like my whole body is shaking inside, even though I can see it isn’t. Just as I was about to yell for help, Charlotte walks in.

“Good morning Levi”, she says with a perfectly calm voice.

Her smile is so genuine, it lights up her beautiful face. I start to release some of the panic that was building inside me from just her presence here. How does she do that?

She must have caught my panic-stricken face when she entered the room because she picks up her pace as she makes her way over to me.

“Are you ok? are you in any pain?’, she asks me.

” I… I didn’t sleep well”, I respond.

“I brought you your breakfast! Emma called to say she’s coming in early, so I thought she could help you this morning?“, her thoughtful multi-colored eyes are peering into mine, waiting for me to say something.

“Thank you”, is all I muster.

Charlotte sets up the food tray in front of me and says, “I will be back a little later, I have a few other people I have to see this morning”.

And like a paranoid idiot, I nearly whisper, “when do you think you will be back?”

My chest feels tight and my voice is shaky. I know I must look desperate, but I need her to stay, I need the calm feeling she brings into my room.

She gently places her hand on my right shoulder and her reassuring words lightly flow from her mouth, “I promise I will see you again by lunch time”.

I watch Charlotte start to leave my room only to hear her voice again, this time she is speaking to Emma right outside my door.

Why is Emma just standing at my door? how long has she been standing there?

Emma slowly walks in, assessing her surroundings, eying me up and down. Charlotte is guiding her further into my room. She is walking too slow, like she is afraid of something. I am happy she is here, but I do not like seeing her like this, I need to break her solemn mood.

I reach my right hand up towards her and show her a brave smile, “Hey baby, I’m glad you’re here, did you sleep well?“, I ask her.

“Come sit here next to me”, I instruct.

She instantly starts smiling and makes her way over to me. Curiosity sweeps over her face as she looks at my breakfast tray.

“These are very odd utensils”, she says to me.

I try to tell her that they are shaped that way so it’s easier for her to help me eat, but she instantly jerks back in her chair and yelps, “what?“.

My heart instantly breaks, the pain in my chest returns and I put my head down, unable to look at her and sigh, “well that’s only if you want to help me eat”.

Thankfully, Charlotte hangs around a little longer and shows Emma how to help me with my breakfast. After Emma feels somewhat comfortable helping me, Charlotte leaves the room.

I am pleased Emma is here helping me, but I can’t help feeling like she was forced to. I know she must be nervous and doesn’t know how to act around me right now. I just want to wrap my arms tightly around her and tell her everything will be alright, or better yet, I want her to wrap her arms around me and let me know she is here for me no matter what. But she barely touches me or looks at me and all I can feel is hurt and anger radiating from me, as we spend the next 30 agonizing minutes eating breakfast.

Nate walks into the room and saves us from emotionally hurting each other any further and lets us know he is doing my first therapy treatment today. Emma hesitantly offers to help Nate do therapy to my right arm.

At least she is trying to be supportive at the moment. She still looks scared as shit, but I give her credit for trying.

I try to help her as much as I can with my right arm as she copies everything Nate is doing with my left arm. All I feel is that irritating pins and needles feeling you get after your arm falls asleep, as Nate massages my left arm. Not only is the feeling aggravating me, but the fact that my left arm is totally ignoring me when I try to lift it, is causing my anger to boil inside me again. So, I focus on Emma instead. Her beautiful face is completely engaged in what she’s doing to me right now. Her bright blue eyes looking at Nate then to me waiting for approval.

Nate breaks the silence again and starts asking questions about our new movie. Emma’s face lights up as she gladly answers all his questions and then some. I chime in now and then, as long as this keeps Emma’s happy mood going.

Nate’s next grasp startles me, “What the fuck Nate!”

What the fuck is he doing? He has got his hands up near my groin now, and I am caught off guard with pure embarrassment. Emma is doing the same thing to my right thigh and she looks as mortified as I do, I am sure. I want to plant my fist into Nate’s jaw, but I do not want to scare Emma more than she already is. Plus, I cannot get myself to physically punch him anyway and it makes me furious. So, I decide to silently glare at him instead. Nate quickly notices my mood and picks up the pace as he moves towards massaging my lower leg, ankle and foot, Emma doing the same to my right. Finally, things get a little less disturbing as Nate focuses on bending my knee and moving my ankle, concluding the treatment.

“Are we done?“, my voice harsh as I narrow my eyes towards Nate.

“Not yet, we have a few more things to take care of before we get you up into a wheelchair.“, Nate adds.

Fuuuuck…I exaggerate in my head as Nate ends therapy and abruptly tells us he is going to toilet me now. Emma’s eyes almost pop out of her perfect face. I know she cannot handle this shit, hell, I cannot handle it either. It is not like I have any other choice though.

Emma leaves the room. She either thinks she is giving me privacy, or she is completely mortified by the fact I cannot take a piss in the bathroom on my own. Either way, it is probably better she leaves, I am sure she needs a break from all of this. I want her to stay though, I want her to sit on the bed with me and wrap her arm around me…. kiss me.

Why did this fucking happen!