Chapter 11

Present

The fire took two days for the fire department to control and another two before it was declared to be completely out. Once it was declared safe, the fire marshall’s office was able to begin investigating how it had started.

Meanwhile, my family was just starting to think that something might be seriously wrong.

When two full days and nights had passed with no word from me and my phone not going through, Matthew started to seriously begin to worry.

“Guys, you really haven’t heard anything from your mom since Sunday?” he asked the kids on Wednesday morning. He hadn’t gone into the office today.

“No,” Anna said. “Dad, it’s been two days. Shouldn’t she have at least texted someone by now?”

“You’d think,” Matthew said.

“Mom can’t be that pissed off,” Alex frowned. “I mean, yeah, we could have gone and gotten our drinks ourselves. I don’t even remember if we told her about them before the fireworks. I mean, we get them every year anyway, but she could have forgotten. She did get all the picnic stuff together and had everything else ready. But I can’t imagine that us leaving before she got home would make her so mad she hasn’t spoken to us for two days?”

Oh, Alex. I’m not mad. I never was. I was annoyed, sure. But I wasn’t mad. And even if I had been, you know I wouldn’t have gone this long without speaking to you guys. Not if I had any control over it.

But I didn’t have any control over what happened. I was driving carefully around the accident scene. It was the truck driver who was speeding, who hit me and forced my car through the barrier and down the embankment.

It was the multitude of injuries and the deep cut in my leg that caused me to bleed out. Probably some internal injury as well. It’s not like I got to see a doctor. It was the heat of the sun that caused the fire that ultimately consumed my car, my body, my phone. But the fire marshall’s office will start to investigate the fire soon. They’ll come across the burned out remnants of my car. Once they identify the car and its owner, they’ll search more. Eventually, they’ll find my body. Or, what’s left of it.

And eventually, they’ll find the charred remains of my cell phone.

But for now, even Matthew has to admit something isn’t right. He’s never known me to go this long without speaking to him. Even when I had every reason to stop talking to him, I never did. I might go a few hours without speaking to him because I was upset about something. Usually something related to Seline. But never a full day, let alone two.

Matthew had called my brother and sister again, and had even called his parents to see if they’d heard from me. His father reminded him that I would probably not have reached out to them before my own siblings. He also reminded Matthew not to take things for granted.

Anna, Alex and Matthew were all sitting in the kitchen, looking at their phones, trying to figure out who to try next. None of our friends had heard from me, as Matthew knew. But he had called them all anyway. He had checked with the golf club and the tennis club, asking if I had checked in at any point in the past few days. They ran my cards and said that no, I had not swiped in at any point since last Friday.

Anna called around to her friends who she knew I was on friendly terms with their mothers, but none of them had heard from me, either.

“Do either of you remember where Mom’s friend Callie works?” Matthew asked the kids. “Maybe we can call her there?”

“Did Callie give you her card or anything when we met her last month?” Alex asked. Matthew thought about it, pulled out his wallet and looked through it for a business card. Nothing.

“Let me check my study,” Matthew said, leaving the kitchen.

“I’m really worried, Alex,” Anna said to her brother. “It’s not like Mom to go silent like this. What if something happened to her?”

“Like what?” Alex asked. My son. Always an optimist. Always believing nothing bad could happen to any of us. He’d grown up in a life of comfort and privilege. He’d never known what it’s like to struggle, to worry about where his next meal was coming from. The biggest challenge he’d ever faced was deciding between St. Kitts and St. Bart’s for spring break. Everything had been handed to my children.

I had tried to raise them to understand that the world isn’t as easy for everyone as it is for them. Sometimes I thought they understood. But then, times like these, where my son couldn’t fathom anything bad happening to any of us, made me realize I’d neglected part of that duty to teach my children that the world isn’t built to cater to people.

“What if she got in an accident or someone kidnapped her at the store?” Anna said, chewing on her thumbnail.

Anna had been a thumb sucker as a baby, and had required braces as a teenager. Now, when she was stressed, her thumb still found its way to her mouth, but she chewed on the nail rather than sucking on her thumb. It was a habit I’d tried to break her of, but I wasn’t there to catch it this time. Well, okay. I am there, but I can’t tell her to stop chewing on her thumbnail.

“Seriously, Anna? Where do you think we live? You think there are kidnappers waiting at convenience stores for people like Mom?” Alex said.

“What if she was in an accident?” Anna said.

“Mom’s a good driver,” Alex said. “Remember, she’s the one who taught us to drive.”

“I know,” Anna said. “But that doesn’t mean someone else who isn’t a good driver couldn’t have caused an accident.”

“If Mom had been in an accident, don’t you think a hospital would have called by now? She had her purse and phone and stuff. Wouldn’t they have checked her ID and called Dad?” Alex reasoned.

Anna sighed.

“Yeah. I guess so. That makes sense. I just… I don’t know, Alex. Something’s wrong. Don’t you feel it?” Anna said.

“Mom’s just having a temper tantrum because we made her go get the drinks we like before leaving for the fireworks, and she didn’t even bother to meet us there, or even to come home. It’s probably more than us just not waiting for her. She’s pissed about something else, probably, and she’s taking it out on all of us. Dad probably fucked up again,” Alex said.

“I don’t know, Alex,” Anna said. “Remember when Mom found out Aunty Seline went on that ‘business trip’ with Dad?”

Even Anna put air quotes around the words ‘business trip.’

“What about it?” Alex queried.

“Dad bought her the Miata because of it. And she didn’t disappear for two full days when she found out about her going with Dad. And even if she’s pissed at Dad, why hasn’t she answered either of us?” Anna asked.

Alex seemed to contemplate that. Anna was right. Even when I’ve been the most angry with their father, I would never ignore texts or calls from my children. Even if they were being unfair or rude to me.

“I dunno,” Alex said. “Maybe Mom found out something really bad. Maybe Aunt Seline is, like, pregnant or something. That would probably piss Mom off enough that she’d disappear for a couple of days.”

“She still wouldn’t ignore us,” Anna said. “And I’ve texted her every hour since Monday. Except when I’m asleep, obviously.”

Alex pulled off the baseball cap he was wearing and ran his hand through his hair. He looked every bit his father’s son when he did that. But that little scowl he sometimes wore on his face – when he was concentrating or contemplating – that was all me.

Matthew came back into the kitchen holding a small white and blue card.

“She did give me her business card,” he said.

“Dad, is Aunt Seline pregnant?” Alex asked. Matthew nearly choked on his own breath.

“What? Why would you ask me that?” Matthew frowned.

“Well, Mom’s been gone for two days. She’s never been so mad that she hadn’t spoken to you, or us, for two whole days. She wasn’t even this mad when she found out Aunt Seline went on that trip with you. But if she’s pregnant, Mom would be royally pissed at you, wouldn’t she?” Alex explained.

“Seline is not pregnant, as far as I know, and I don’t know why you would even think to ask me that,” Matthew argued.

“We’re not stupid, Dad. We know you and Aunt Seline stay at the apartment together sometimes. Mom probably does, too,” Alex said. Matthew blew out a breath.

“I can state for certain that Seline is not pregnant. And if she is, it’s not mine,” Matthew countered. Alex and Anna shared a look and then shrugged.

“Did you call Callie?” Anna asked.

“No. I thought I’d call her with you two here. That way I don’t have to repeat anything if she has any information,” Matthew said.

The three of them sat at the table while Matthew dialed Callie’s business number.

Mrs. Watkins watched quietly as she moved around the house taking care of her duties.

We had finally gotten rid of the nanny when the kids graduated from high school. But we’d kept Mrs. Watkins on, thankfully. She was often the only one in my corner, and while she couldn’t speak on my behalf, she was always there with a cup of tea and a kind word when the kids or Matthew had stomped all over my feelings.

Even Mrs. Watkins was worried. She hadn’t been able to reach me since Sunday night either.

Matthew put his phone on speaker while it rang through to Callie.

“Callie Anderson,” she answered.

“Hi, Callie,” Matthew said. “I don’t know if you’ll remember me, I’m Matthew Davenport. Amelia’s husband?”

“Oh, Matthew, right! Hi! How are you? How are your kids?”

“We’re doing alright, I suppose,” Matthew said. Both kids gave him the ‘hurry up’ motion. Enough with the pleasantries. Ask the important question, is what they were silently telling him.

“Listen, Callie, I was wondering if you’ve spoken to Amelia at all in the last couple of days. Since, maybe Sunday night?” he asked.

“Amelia? No. I haven’t. As a matter of fact, I texted her on Monday to ask if you guys wanted to get together this weekend, the two of you and Erika and I. She never got back to me. Why? Haven’t you spoken to her? She is your wife after all,” Callie said.

“I haven’t heard from her, either,” Matthew said. “We had a little spat on Sunday night, and she didn’t come home, but it’s been two days now, and neither the kids nor I, nor any of our friends have heard from her. She hasn’t been to the city apartment, she hasn’t been to the golf or the tennis clubs, she hasn’t used our credit cards, her passport is still here – I checked – and she hasn’t even reached out to the kids.”

“What about her brother and sister?” Callie asked.

“They haven’t seen or heard from her either,” Matthew said.

“Well, if she’s so pissed off at you that she hasn’t been home in two days, don’t you think her brother or sister would be covering for her? They’re really close, you know,” Callie said.

“They swear they aren’t covering for her. And Kieran is starting to get angry that we still haven’t found out anything. And you know how he feels about me,” Matthew said.

“I do. What about Alecia? She’d probably cover for both of them,” Callie said.

“That’s true,” Matthew agreed. “I just get the feeling she’s not hiding Amelia. And besides, she couldn’t be holding a grudge against the kids, too, could she? She wouldn’t do that to them.”

“No,” Callie said, contemplatively. “You’re right. She’s not petty like that. If she’s mad at you, she’s not going to take it out on the kids. And I can honestly say I haven’t heard from her, nor have I seen her. Two days is a long time for someone like Amelia to stay quiet.”

“That’s what has me the most concerned. Even when she’s been the most angry with me, she’s never gone this long. And her phone isn’t going through.”

“Let me try her and I’ll call you back. Is this number alright?” Callie said.

“Yes,” Matthew said. “This number is fine. Thanks.”

“No problem. If I do get a hold of her, I’ll tell her to reach out to at least one of you, okay?” Callie said.

“Perfect, thanks,” Matthew said and hung up. He sighed and rubbed his face with his hands. Alex and Anna looked on worriedly.

“What do we do if Callie can’t find Mom?” Anna asked.

“I don’t know, sweetheart,” Matthew said.

“Hello?” Seline’s voice called out through the entry. Alex and Anna frowned as Seline breezed into the kitchen, laden with bags from the deli we liked.

“Seline?” Matthew asked. “What are you doing here? And why do you keep letting yourself into my house?”

“Matty,” Seline said. “You said I’m welcome whenever I want.”

“I thought you’d know that you should call before you just show up,” Matthew said.

“I just thought you might be focussed on figuring out where Amelia is. Have you managed to track down the old roommate?” Seline asked. “Is she staying there?”

Matthew watched as Seline unloaded the bags onto the table. She’d brought tuna and cream cheese, bagels, a small cake, some cookies, smoked salmon and a vegetable platter.

“What is all this?” Matthew asked.

“I know, I know. But I figured you guys were probably concentrating on finding Amelia, I thought maybe some brain food was in order. Call me crazy, but whenever my mom was stressed, or someone in the family was dealing with something, she always brought food. So, I brought brunch. Eat up!”

“This isn’t a party, Seline. This isn’t a Sunday brunch. My wife is missing. Do you not understand that?”

“Of course I understand that, Matty,” Seline said. “That’s why I brought comfort food.”

“Seline, answer me honestly. Are you pregnant?” Matthew asked. “Are you? And did you somehow manage to tell Amelia, or let her think you are, and that it’s mine?”

Seline stared at Matthew with a look that even I couldn’t decipher.

“Pregnant? Are you kidding?” Seline asked.

“No. I am not. Are you pregnant and did you somehow convince Amelia that it’s mine?”

“Matthew Davenport, I am not pregnant. And if I were, it certainly would not be yours,” she looked over at the kids.

“Dad,” Alex said. “What about Uncle Roger? We haven’t even tried calling him.”

“She wouldn’t go to Uncle Roger,” Matthew said.

Roger was Matthew’s younger brother. The ‘spare’ as he had so nicely described his brother when we were in college. I had only met Roger three times. Our wedding and twice at my in-laws’ when he happened to be in town. Roger pretty much lived off the dividends his share of the company made for him. He travelled wherever and whenever he wanted and didn’t even keep a house or an apartment here. He’d crash with friends or stay with his parents when he was in town for a while. Sometimes he’d use our apartment downtown if he didn’t anticipate staying very long. Roger didn’t really have a place that I could go.

“But shouldn’t we try him?” Anna asked.

“He’s in Thailand, last I heard,” Matthew said.

The doorbell rang.

“What now?” Matthew asked, getting up and going to answer the door.

“Where’s my sister, asshole?” Kieran said, pushing his way inside.

“I told you, I don’t know. She hasn’t called, texted, emailed, nothing,” Matthew said.

“What the fuck did you do that she’s been gone for two days, Matthew?” Kieran asked.

“Me? I didn’t do anything! Not so bad that she should still be this mad!” Matthew defended himself.

He’s right, Kieran. He actually is innocent in this for the most part. I mean, if I hadn’t had to go out and get those specific drinks from that specific store, I wouldn’t have been on the highway and I wouldn’t have gotten into an accident. But Matthew can’t be blamed for that. He didn’t cause either of the accidents.

“How did you get here?” Matthew asked. “The highway’s been closed for two days.”

“It’s open now. They got control of the fire. It’s out. Or contained, anyway,” Kieran said, shrugging.

Matthew sighed.

“I honestly have no idea where your sister is, Kieran,” Matthew said. “She hasn’t answered anyone’s texts, phone calls, emails, she hasn’t used her credit cards, she hasn’t used the bank card, her phone goes straight to voicemail for everyone. I don’t care if she’s mad at me. But she hasn’t even responded to any of the kids’ texts.”

“That’s not like Amelia,” Kieran frowned. “She’s never been the petulant or petty sort. She might get mad enough she won’t talk to you for a few hours, but two days?”

“Exactly,” Matthew said. “I’ve spoken to everyone I can think of that we know, and no one has seen or heard from her since Sunday at the latest.”

Kieran frowned when he walked into the kitchen with Matthew and saw Seline sitting at the table with the kids.

“Cozy,” he said. “Are you sure you’re really trying to reach Amelia?”

“She just showed up with bagels,” Matthew said. “I didn’t invite her.”

Kieran knew my issues with Seline. We’d had many sibling nights where we’d aired our grievances about our relationships and given each other advice.

“Hi Uncle Kieran,” Alex said.

“Hey guys,” he said. “How are you holding up?”

The kids shrugged.

What else could they say?

Chapter 12

Before

“Alexander Davenport,” the emcee called out. “Honors.”

Matthew and I both clapped hard for our son as he crossed the stage to accept his high school diploma. Matthew took photos with his phone and beamed proudly.

“Anna Davenport,” the emcee called out again. “Honors.”

Again, Matthew and I gushed over our children, clapping and taking photos. Anna shot us a huge smile as she crossed the stage.

An hour later, we were standing outside the auditorium waiting for our children to come out from the graduation ceremony to the reception in the courtyard. It was a beautiful June day. The sun was shining, the sky was a deep, clear blue and the breeze coming up from the ocean was just cool enough to keep the heat of the day at a tolerable temperature.

Friends we’d made while our children had attended Masterson came up to us to congratulate us, and we congratulated them on the achievements of their children.

Finally, after what felt like an unreasonable amount of time, the graduates were released from the auditorium and streamed out into the courtyard, still donning their emerald green graduation robes and caps.

At the count of three, loudly cried over the mingling parents, and led by none other than my son, the graduates threw their caps into the air and cheered their achievements, which had culminated in this ceremony, celebrating them. I smiled as we parents and siblings of the graduates clapped for our children.

Anna came running over with Alex close behind her.

“Hi Dad, hi Mom,” she beamed.

“Hello sweetheart,” I said, embracing her. “Congratulations again.”

“Thanks, Mom,” Anna smiled.

“Alex, congratulations,” I smiled at my son.

“Thanks,” he said simply to me. He didn’t come close enough to let me give him a hug.

We mingled with the parents and the graduates in the courtyard for a while. The kids kept running off to find friends, compare summer plans, see who was going to be around and who would be away for the summer.

We had a graduation party planned for Alex and Anna and their classmates at the house this evening. Most of the class was expected to attend. Matthew had hired a DJ and a caterer, we’d rented tables and table linens. Even Mrs. Watkins was getting the night off. Matthew had hired wait staff and serving staff. We’d put together a menu that we felt everyone would enjoy.

The catering company and the rental company were already at the house setting up in the backyard. The DJ was expected at four to set his equipment up, and the party was called for six.

I smiled as Matthew held court with some of the other fathers. They talked about their sons, their achievements and their future plans.

“Alex is heading to Yale in the fall, and Anna is going to Brown,” Matthew said proudly.

“Quite the achievement for them both,” one of the fathers said. “Amelia, you must be proud.”

“Of course I am,” I smiled. “Both of the kids have worked so hard for this. I couldn’t be prouder.”

A few of the mothers came over just then and got my attention. We discussed the plans for the evening, gushed over our children’ s achievements, congratulated each other on parenting these kids through to high school graduation, and talked about the summer plans and where they would all be going off to in the fall. I felt myself relax in their company.

“Amelia, are you going to go back to work, now that the kids are heading off to college?” Trina, the mother of the twins’ friend Katerina asked.

“I haven’t decided yet, to be honest. I’ve been out of the legal world for so long, I don’t know if it would welcome me back,” I laughed.

“You’ve been keeping up your license, haven’t you?” Trina asked.

“I have, and I’ve kept up my CE credits, my continuing education,” I explained for Paula, one of the other mothers, who looked at me questioningly when I used the term for my credits. “But after so long out of the workforce, I don’t know if I have the intestinal fortitude to go back.”

The women laughed.

“There’s nothing wrong with being a ‘lady who lunches’,” Sophia, another mother of one of the twins’ friends said, smiling. “After 18 years with these hooligans, we deserve the time to ourselves, time to enjoy our own lives.”

The other mothers murmured in agreement.

“Plenty of time now to do some travelling,” Trina said. “Arnie and I are going to go to Italy when Katerina goes to Harvard in the fall.”

“That’s so nice,” another mother said.

“We have a villa in Tuscany, so I think we’ll stay there until Thanksgiving and then fly back and have Thanksgiving with Katerina in Boston.”

The other mothers continued talking about travel plans and summer plans, and how we would fill our days when our children were literally across the country at their various universities.

“Sorry to interrupt, ladies,” Matthew said, coming up to us and grasping my elbow gently. “I have to steal my wife from you all. We’ve got a bunch of people coming over later, and should probably go make sure everything is getting set up.”

“Amelia, we’ll see you later tonight?” Sophia said.

“Of course. Looking forward,” I smiled as Matthew led me away.

“We’ll just wait for the kids, and head home, sound good?” he said to me.

“That sounds fine,” I said, dismissively. I took a step away from Matthew.

“Don’t be like that,” he said. “I said I was sorry.”

“I heard you,” I said, simply.

On Monday I had gone to the apartment in the city to clean and had come across a piece of lingerie that I was sure was not mine. I didn’t wear small red and black lace bras. I’d had and breastfed two children for fourteen months. The girls did not fit in something so skimpy.

And besides, I hadn’t spent a night in the apartment in probably three years.

I had known exactly who the item belonged to by the stink of the synthetic roses. I hadn’t said anything to Matthew when I spoke to him later that day. I had simply left the bra on his pillow in the apartment, knowing before the weekend, he was likely to spend a night or two there. He could return the clothing item to Seline when they met up sometime during the week. Or she could pick it up herself. It was obvious she was the one who had left it, and that he had been there with her.

Matthew tried to pretend what was going on wasn’t, but I wasn’t naive. I wasn’t stupid. I’d known about it for years. I didn’t have to like it, but I didn’t want to disrupt the kids’ lives as they were finishing high school and getting ready for college. I figured I had been dealing with his relationship with Seline for 23 years at this point. I could wait another four until the kids were out of college.

And even if I couldn’t, they were adults now. They would be fine if I left Matthew. They’d probably welcome it, with the way they were both so dismissive of me these days. To Matthew, they were perfect and could do no wrong. To them, I was the one that stopped them from having fun, that made them study instead of swim, who made them finish their homework before they watched TV or played video games. I was the one who disciplined them when they stepped out of line.

To them, Matthew was the hero. The breaker of punishments, the fun parent who would make them ice cream sundaes whenever they got into any sort of trouble that I had to discipline them for. I was the one who laid down the law, Matthew was the one who overturned my rulings.

They resented my rules. They resented my discipline and they laughed in my face about it, knowing Matthew would ‘spring’ them from their captivity. In the past couple of years, I had simply given up on trying to make anything stick, knowing Matthew would undo it at the first hint that either child was upset even one iota. How we had managed to raise two kids who were well adjusted, polite and tactful, who rarely got into any trouble outside of the house – not that I had heard of, anyway – I have no idea. It certainly couldn’t have been from my discipline. Matthew overturned me every time, releasing the twins from groundings, punishments, and responsibility.

If I said stop, he shouted go. If I said red, he said yellow. If I said up, he said down. It didn’t matter what lessons I was trying to instill in the kids, lessons that would help them navigate the world without us, Matthew overturned every decision I made if it meant our kids had even one second of discomfort or had to take responsibility for something.

I was tired of being the one to try to keep everyone in line. If none of my lessons had sunk in by now, there was no hope they ever would. I gave up.

The twins came back out of the auditorium after returning their robes, and found us among the parents and other graduates. They stepped in line with their father and headed to our car.

On Wednesday, Matthew had surprised me with a brand new Range Rover. Top of the line, all the bells and whistles. He said it was for being so understanding but I knew it was because I had caught him with evidence of his infidelity.

I thanked him, of course. That didn’t mean all was forgiven. It didn’t mean I was accepting of his infidelity. I was numb to it. I simply didn’t care anymore.

Of course, the twins and their father had walked ahead of me, none of them looking back to make sure I was following. I wondered, if I simply stopped walking, how long would it take for them to realize I wasn’t there?

I wasn’t in the mood to find out. We had a houseful of guests coming tonight and I didn’t need to put any of us in any more of a foul mood than I was feeling right then.

Matthew unlocked the Range Rover – my new Range Rover – and the kids climbed into the back seat, leaving the passenger seat for me. At least they remembered I was there.

I climbed into my car while Matthew got in on the driver’s side, readjusted the mirrors and started the car. It purred to life and he smiled.

“How are you liking the car?” he asked as he pulled out of the parking spot.

“It’s fine,” I said. I hadn’t had a chance to drive it much. I’d just gotten it on Wednesday and I hadn’t been out anywhere except to pick up Anna’s graduation dress and that hadn’t been that long of a drive. Otherwise, I had been at home getting the house ready for tonight’s party, coordinating with the caterer and the rental company, organizing space in the back for the DJ, and overseeing preparations. This was probably only my third time in this car, and the second had been coming to the graduation ceremony.

“You don’t like it?” he frowned.

“Dad bought you a new car and you’re unhappy?” Alex said from the back. Matthew shot him a look in the mirror.

“I haven’t really had a lot of time to drive it, Matthew. I’ve been getting the house prepared for tonight. So, from the one time I have driven it myself, it’s fine. It works, it gets me from Point A to Point B and so far in four days I haven’t had a problem. So, it’s fine,” I said.

“Alright, alright. No need to be snippy,” Matthew said.

I have plenty of reasons to be ‘snippy’, Mr. Davenport, I thought to myself as I looked out the window at the passing scenery.

Matthew took the highway home, passing the turn where in two years, I would meet my end. None of us realized the significance of that curve as we drove home to celebrate the twins’ graduation.

The party went off without a hitch. The food was delicious, the DJ was energetic and got the kids, and even the parents up and dancing. The wait staff was attentive and empty plates and glasses were whisked away immediately. At no point did anyone want for anything. Even my mother in law couldn’t find anything to complain about.

“You put together quite a soiree,” she said to me as she and David were getting ready to head home. They’d come early, given the kids their graduation gifts, stayed through the dinner and at nine o’clock, were ready to head home. “We had a lovely time.”

High praise indeed!

“Thank you, Rachel,” I said, smiling. “I’m happy to hear you enjoyed yourself. I know the twins appreciate you coming tonight. And I do, too. Thank you.”

Rachel hummed at me, as though she were trying to find something to complain about.

“Let’s go, Rachel,” David smiled at me. “It was a lovely evening. You should be very proud. And you and Matthew should be proud of those kids.”

“Thank you,” I said, smiling at my father in law. “We are very proud of them.”

Kieran came up to me as my in-laws went through the house to collect their car and go home.

“What did the King and Queen of Ice have to say?” he frowned at me.

“Would you believe nothing but compliments?” I asked, leaning on my brother.

“I wouldn’t,” he said, laughing.

“I swear, Rachel was looking for something to complain about. But honestly, she actually said I did a good job with the party and that she had a good time. And David moved her along before she managed to find a single thing to complain about,” I said, turning to my brother and looking up at him. He smiled down at me.

“Emily and I are really happy for you guys. The kids look great, they’re so smart and funny and I can’t believe they just graduated high school! How are your kids 18 and heading off to college when we’re still 14 and 16?”

I laughed, and it felt good to laugh. Emily came up to us as we were laughing.

“Emily, hi!” I said, hugging my new sister in law. Kieran and Emily had gotten engaged at Christmas and married on New Year’s Eve. At 11:59. Kieran had said that the last best thing he did last year was marry his best friend.

And I absolutely adored my sister-in-law. She is smart and funny and a perfect complement to my brother’s personality. I don’t think I have ever met two people more meant for each other than them.

“Great party, Amelia,” Emily smiled at me. “Thanks for inviting us.”

“Emily, don’t be silly! Of course my brother would have been invited, and now that he’s got this new wife, maybe you’d heard? I had to invite her too!” I smiled.

“Kieran! You got married and didn’t tell me?” Emily joked.

“Oh, yeah. I did. You’d like her,” he grinned, wrapping his wife in a hug. The three of us laughed at the absurdity of our joke.

“Amelia, have you seen my parents?” Matthew said, coming up to the three of us. Kieran’s face clouded over immediately.

“They just left, maybe five minutes ago. Didn’t they say goodbye to you?” I asked.

“They didn’t. I wanted to introduce my dad to someone. Oh well, no matter. Kieran, Emily, good to see you,” Matthew greeted my brother and Emily. Kieran nodded at Matthew and Emily shook his offered hand.

“Didn’t your sister come?” Matthew asked me, frowning and looking around.

“Alecia’s on her way,” I said. “She got caught up at the hospital.”

Alecia was a nurse practitioner and had to work today. She had said she’d be late, but that she would definitely be here. She had texted an hour ago to let me know that she had finished her shift, was just going to change quickly, run home and then come straight up to us. I knew from experience ‘run home quickly’ meant she was going to shower and change before she came here. I couldn’t blame her.

Matthew nodded and looked around.

The kids were all hanging out together, and I watched as my son and his friends were showing off for Anna and hers. I smiled, watching their antics.

“Matty!” that aggravating voice grated in my ears. Seline. I sighed.

“Hello, Atlanta,” she said to me, looking me up and down. Kieran’s jaw clenched. I put my hand on his arm to steady him and remind him not to make a big deal out of it. It wasn’t his problem.

“Seline,” I said. “Once again, it’s Amelia, not Atlanta.”

“Right, right,” she said dismissively. “Where are the kids? I want to give them their graduation gifts.”

“They’re by the pool,” Matthew said. “Come. I’ll take you over.”

I watched as Matthew led Seline over to the group of teenagers by the pool.

“I do not understand how or why you put up with her,” Kieran said to me.

“It’s not worth arguing over, Kee,” I said, using the nickname I’d given him as a kid.

Alecia arrived about twenty minutes later and immediately went to congratulate the kids, give them their gifts and then mingled with our guests and with Emily, Kieran and I.

Everyone was having a wonderful time. As the guests started to filter out, I received many compliments on the food, the decor, the service, and the music. I thanked each and every guest for coming to the kids’ graduation party, and saw them out. Matthew was nowhere to be seen.

Neither was Seline.

Before I knew it, the summer had passed and it was time to get the kids packed up and moved into their dorms at their respective colleges. Matthew and I accompanied them both and helped them get set up in their rooms.

I cried a little when we left them at their schools, I have to admit.

“You should be happy,” Matthew said as we drove the rental truck back to the airport in Boston. “They’re well-adjusted and independent. You should be proud. What are you crying for?”

“Matthew, they aren’t our babies anymore,” I sniffled. “The house is going to seem so empty at night now.”

Matthew rolled his eyes.

“I thought you’d be happy to have more time to yourself,” he said.

More time to myself? I thought. When did I not have time to myself? I barely got two words out of either child in the past six months. If I hadn’t insisted on getting a hug from him, I don’t think Alex would have even said goodbye to me when we left him. I didn’t need more time to myself.

We flew home that afternoon, landing just after the dinner hour. Matthew suggested a restaurant we both liked, but I told him I just wanted to go home, take a bath and relax.

“I have to run to the office,” Matthew said as we pulled into the driveway. “Don’t wait up.”

“But…” I started.

“Don’t start with me, Amelia,” he said. “I don’t know how long I’ll be but since you didn’t want to go for dinner, I figured I can go take care of what I missed driving out east. I’ll be home later.”

And with that, he drove away.

Chapter 13

Present

“Investigators with the Fire Marshall’s office have been given the all clear to begin their investigation into the brush fire that closed down the 410 highway earlier this week between Almeda and Renfrew. After two days of battling the blaze, the fire department stated that the fire is considered to be completely contained and has been completely put out. No more hot spots have been seen for the past 24 hours, leading the department to believe they have it completely out.”

Matthew and the kids were watching the news. Two more days had passed and still no word from me.

On Thursday, more at the insistence of my brother and sister than out of any real concern, Matthew finally called the police and reported me missing.

He was at a loss when the police asked him what I was wearing the day I went missing. I looked down at myself. A white blouse and a pair of jeans. With Converse sneakers and ankle socks. But he didn’t remember that.

“Why did you wait almost a full week before reporting your wife missing?” the officer asked.

“We had a little spat on Sunday night, and I thought she was taking some time to cool off,” Matthew explained.

“What was the reason for your fight? Or, rather, spat?” the officer asked.

“It was stupid, really. The kids wanted a specific drink for the fireworks on Founder’s Day, and it’s only sold in one store. My wife forgot to pick it up, and went out to get it before we left for the display, but she didn’t make it back in time and we left without her. I thought she was upset about that, and I thought I would give her some space, let her cool down and then we could talk about it.”

“Seems like a pretty minor issue to spend two days not speaking to one’s family,” the officer said.

“In retrospect, I should have called earlier. Look, officer, no marriage is perfect and we’ve had our issues. She found out about something a couple of years ago and I thought maybe the incident on Sunday might have been the proverbial straw, and that she just needed some cooling down time. But she hasn’t phoned anyone, she hasn’t responded to any texts, her phone goes straight to voicemail and she would never go this long without at least checking in on the kids.”

“By issues, he means he had an affair and my sister found out about it,” Kieran interjected.

Matthew’s face showed a fleeting mask of guilt before he returned to his stoic facade.

“Has your wife ever left home for an extended period of time after any other altercations or incidents?” the officer asked.

“No,” Matthew said. “She’s never gone more than a couple of hours without speaking to us.”

“Have you checked with your bank, your credit cards, any other properties you own or have access to?”

“We have an apartment downtown. She hasn’t been there. She hasn’t used a credit card since Sunday morning, and she hasn’t used her bank card. Her passport is here, so I know she hasn’t gone anywhere. My company has a suite at the Farino and she hasn’t been there, either.”

“What about friends, other family? Has anyone else heard from or seen your wife in the last four days?” the officer asked.

“No. No one. Her sister swears she hasn’t spoken to her or seen her. Her old roommate just moved to town, and she says she hasn’t seen her or spoken to her, either. None of our friends have heard from her or spoken to her, either. I even checked her cell phone record. She hasn’t made any calls from her phone since Sunday night. And I checked the phone’s location, but it died somewhere along the highway.”

“I see,” the officer said.

“I know it looks bad that we waited so long, but I really did think that maybe she was just really angry for some reason. I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, give her her space and I figured she’d be home in a day or so. But it’s Thursday, and no one can reach her.”

“No, I understand. No one wants to believe bad things might happen to people. I’ll be honest, and off the record, I’d probably have done the same thing if it were my wife and she was mad at me for one reason or another. I have the photo you gave me, and I’ll put that out there. We’ll canvass the area, check out the places you think she could have gone and see if anyone has seen her there. I’ll file a missing person’s report as well. I have your contact information, your parents’ information, I have your information, Kieran, and your sister’s. As soon as we have any information, we’ll contact you,” the officer said, closing his notebook.

“Is there anywhere else you can think of that your wife might be, that maybe you haven’t tried for one reason or the other?” the officer asked.

“No. I’ve asked around everywhere that I could think she might go. I even asked my parents if they’d spoken to her. My wife and my mother don’t get along, but I would hope that in an emergency, she would know she could count on them to help her. But they haven’t heard from her either,” Matthew said.

The officer left to go file his report and Kieran turned on Matthew.

“How could you wait nearly a week to get the police involved? Would you have even bothered to call them if I hadn’t insisted?” he raged.

“Kieran, I swear, I thought your sister was just having a tantrum,” Matthew said.

“In the twenty odd years you’ve been married to my sister, has she ever, I mean ever gone two days without speaking to anyone? I may not speak to her every day, but I don’t think we’ve gone more than two days lately, with Emily being pregnant and all,” Kieran said.

“I know. I just, I wanted to believe she just needed some cooling off time. I shouldn’t have let it go this long,” Matthew acquiesced.

Kieran frowned at him.

“When she hadn’t spoken to either of the kids, you should have been calling the police. I’m beginning to wonder if you ever really cared about Amelia. Or was she just a convenience?”

“Kieran,” Matthew said. “I love your sister. We’ve had a bit of a rough patch lately, I know, but I really do love her.”

Oh, Matthew. Why didn’t you say this to me while you could? Why have I waited years to hear you say that you love me? Why have you let me spend the last five years thinking you’d fallen out of love and that we were just staying married because neither of us wanted the hassle of a divorce? Why did you let me believe I was unloved and unappreciated?

“Dad!” Alex called out from the den.

It was Friday night and they had been keeping the news on constantly since they called the police. Kieran was home with Emily, and Alecia was staying with them for the time being, while they waited to hear from either the police or Matthew.

Matthew and the kids hadn’t left the house since Thursday. David and Rachel had come over, and of course, Seline was a constant presence. At least she was keeping my family fed.

“What?” Matthew said, running into the den.

“They found a car at the bottom of the embankment near the Almeda exit,” Alex said. “It’s all burned up, though, so they don’t know what kind it was or anything yet. But the news just said they found it and it might have been the cause of the fire.”

“Okay, and?” Matthew asked.

“Mom would have been driving in that area to get to the store. There was an accident on the highway, before she left. What if it’s her?”

“I doubt that. Besides, if someone had hit her car, wouldn’t they have called the police? Wouldn’t someone have found her and brought her to a hospital? Wouldn’t she have her ID on her or something?”

“I guess, but…” Alex said.

“Did they find anything else?” my father in law asked, coming into the den. “A body or anything?”

“No,” Alex said. “Not that they’ve said. They said the car was completely destroyed, but it didn’t look like it had exploded. From what they’ve been able to see, so far, the car rolled down the embankment and was up against a tree. They think the car started the fire, but they’re not sure.”

“They’ll run the VIN,” David said. They should be able to find the VIN undamaged.”

“It won’t be Amelia’s car,” Matthew said. “She’s a good driver, and besides, she would have been past that accident by the time she left here, wouldn’t she?”

No, Matthew. It happened just as I was getting on the highway. The police hadn’t even arrived yet.

My children, my husband, my in-laws and my nemesis stayed glued to the television for the rest of the evening.

“Police and Fire are taking the car that was found at the bottom of the embankment to their lab for forensic examination,” the reporter was saying. She was standing at the top of the embankment, where the barrier had been. “Initial belief is that the car went through the barrier here, and rolled down the hill before coming to a stop against the tree. What isn’t clear is whether the car was the cause of the fire that closed the 410 between Almeda and Renfrew earlier this week, or if the fire caused the damage to the car. Hopefully, forensics will be able to find the owner of the car. No body was found in the wreckage, leading investigators to hope that the driver escaped before the fire started. This is a developing story and we will update you as more information comes to light.”

Matthew frowned at the television and sighed.

“Did you even call any of the hospitals?” Alex asked.

“I called the ones near us. Your mom isn’t in any of them and there are no ‘Jane Does’ that match her description,” Matthew sighed.

He sat heavily on the couch. I sat beside him.

“Amelia, where are you?” He wondered aloud.

Chapter 14

Before

“Amelia! Where are you?” Matthew’s excited voice called through the house.

“I’m right here,” I said, coming out of my study where I’d been checking on Alex’s flight from New York, where the closest airport was that would bring him home.

It was winter break and the kids were coming home from their schools. Anna was flying in tomorrow, as she had one last exam today, and Alex had finished his last exam this morning and went straight to the airport from there.

I was excited to see my children. They had chosen to stay at school for Thanksgiving and so Matthew had taken me to Aruba for the holiday.

He may as well have simply sent me on my own for all the time we spent together.

Every morning he got up and went for a swim. By the time I got up, about an hour later, he managed to find something else to do. He spent most of his time in the Business Center or in the room on his laptop.

“Go get a massage or something,” he said the second day when I tried to get him to come spend some time with me. “I have to deal with this issue.”

He continuously complained that this was the worst time he could have taken off, as though it had been me insisting we go away. As if if hadn’t been his idea.

Meanwhile, I had hoped this trip would let us reconnect some. Now that the kids were away at school and our time had fewer demands, I had hoped when Matthew suggested Aruba for Thanksgiving that he meant we’d spend the time together.

Two days in, I’d spent sixteen hours total with him. Those would be the eight hours or so we spent sleeping.

And so far, that’s all we’d done in our room. Sleep. Matthew didn’t touch me when he came to bed. If I even suggested more than sleeping he complained he was tired.

We’d spent a week at the resort and I’d only seen my husband at night. And based on his demeanour, I knew he’d been speaking to Seline from there.

But now Christmas was coming and with it, my children would be home.

I followed Matthew out to the car – my Range Rover. I did like it. After the kids’ graduation, I had finally driven it for a longer trip than to the seamstress down the hill.

It was a fun car to drive, and I’d taken it to show off to Kieran and Alecia one weekend when we decided to spend the weekend together at the beach. Matthew had been on a business trip and so, rather than stay in my house all alone, I offered the weekend to my siblings and the three of us stayed in a hotel on the beach and pampered ourselves for three days.

I did up my seatbelt as Matthew started the car.

“Ready?” He asked.

“Yep,” I said, pulling out my phone. I didn’t even bother trying to hold his hand anymore. Every time I did, he pulled it away as though it was made of acid. Or on fire.

I scrolled through my socials, checked Alex’s flight was still on time, and played a couple of rounds of Words With Friends with Emily. She was kicking my ass.

I barely registered that we’d arrived at the arrivals level at the airport until Matthew parked the car.

“Let’s go,” he smiled at me. Nodding I undid my seatbelt and followed Matthew into the terminal.

I was excited to see Alex. Every text or email I sent to him was answered with one or two words if I got an answer at all. ‘Fine,’ when I asked how school was. ‘Good,’ when I asked how his roommate and he were getting along.

‘I’ll tell you another time,’ was the longest response I got from him when he’d told Matthew he was going to a frat party and I’d asked how it was.

Matthew got answers. He got paragraphs. He got phone calls.

I got all my information on my son from my husband. I got voicemail when I tried to call him.

“He’s doing fine, Amelia,” Matthew said when I tried to complain that I couldn’t get Alex to give me a moment of his time. “He’s working hard and he can’t keep a schedule that suits you. He’s three hours ahead, don’t forget.”

I didn’t forget. It’s why I called his cell when I knew he wasn’t in class and was unlikely to be in bed. But regardless of the time, Matthew’s calls were answered. Mine were sent to voicemail. Every time. But he always had time for a call from his father.

I’d leave him messages. He’d never return them. But at least he couldn’t complain that if I wanted to talk to him I could have left a message. I left a message every time.

Anna, on the other hand at least, offered me more than one word answers. When she did answer. Like her brother, my calls went to voicemail, texts went unanswered, messages weren’t returned.

I tried not to take it personally, at least, at first. They were getting settled into new surroundings. Meeting new people, making new friends and navigating a new school.

But when we got back from Aruba and the kids were still only sending me the barest of responses while Matthew could spend hours on the phone with them, I started feeling that it wasn’t my imagination.

Maybe things would be different once they were home, I thought. When they don’t have the distractions of classes, exams, parties and friends.

Matthew and I waited by the domestic arrivals exit. The board said Alex’s plane had landed so we were now just waiting for him to deplane and get his luggage. I couldn’t imagine he’d have much in that regard.

The doors to the luggage carousel area opened as passengers started to come through and found their people. I looked at every passenger looking for my son.

Finally, I saw him. He looked good. I smiled as he came up to us. He held out his hand to shake Matthew’s and looked so serious. But as soon as he grasped his father’s hand, his face broke out into a huge grin and he pulled his father in for a hug.

“Welcome home, son,” Matthew gushed. “How was the flight?”

“Not bad,” Alex said, pulling his suitcase behind him as he started to head towards the parking lot. “A little turbulence but nothing major. Not like that flight to Kloster.”

Matthew and Alex laughed as they walked away, leaving me behind without a second glance.

Ah. Yes. Klosters. The Swiss ski resort Matthew took the twins to for their thirteenth birthday. I hadn’t been invited because, once again, I don’t ski. And obviously I would be terribly bored sitting in the chalet of a Swiss ski resort or exploring the Swiss village it was located in. No. Absolutely not. I can’t imagine how I could have managed to spend my days.

I never did understand why they thought I had more to do here, without them, than I would find even sitting in a ski resort. They aren’t sparse cabins. They have spas and gyms and pools and saunas.

They’re right. I would have been horribly bored with all those amenities at my disposal.

I’d flown myself to New York that holiday and stayed in a hotel overlooking Times Square. I watched the ball drop from the comfort of my suite, sipping champagne and eating shrimp cocktail.

I do not recommend drinking a magnum of champagne by yourself.

I watched as my husband and son headed towards the elevator to the parking lot. They still hadn’t noticed I wasn’t there. A thought went fleeting through my mind. If I died, would they even miss me? Would they even notice?

A moment later, they looked at each other and then turned around. Both of them looked exasperated. Imagine how I felt.

“What are you doing?” Matthew asked, his hand on his hip.

“Geez, Mom,” Alex rolled his eyes. “What is up with you?”

“I was just wondering something,” I said, dismissively.

“What?” Matthew asked.

“Would you miss me if I were gone?” I looked at both of them.

Alex frowned. Matthew looked confused.

“What are you talking about?” He asked. “Can we talk about this later?”

I shrugged.

“Sure,” I muttered as I walked past them towards the elevators.

We rode the elevator in silence and I could tell Alex was uncomfortable. He kept shifting feet and I saw him glance at his father in the polished metal of the elevator doors. Matthew shrugged.

When we got to the car, Matthew unlocked it and I got into the passenger seat while Matthew and Alex loaded his suitcase and backpack into the trunk.

Alex hesitated before getting into the back, looking at his father who shrugged and dipped his head towards the back seat. Alex sighed as he got in back and did up his seatbelt.

We pulled away from the airport parking lot in silence.

When we pulled onto the highway, Matthew tapped the steering wheel three times. His indicator that he had something he was struggling with. Something he wanted to say but couldn’t find the right words

“Amelia?” He said.

“Mmhm?” I hummed, not turning away from the window.

“I, what, back there, in the, when we, in the airport, what…” Matthew stammered.

“What Dad is trying to say is what the fuck was that in the airport?” Alex frowned.

“Watch how you talk to your mother, Alex,” Matthew said. Alex rolled his eyes.

“In a less eloquent manner than I would have used, to paraphrase our son, what was that back there in the airport?”

“It was nothing, really. I just wondered something to myself. You know. Just silly mom thinking,” I said, non-chalantly.

“What did you mean by ‘would we miss you if you were gone’?” Alex asked. “Are you suicidal or something?”

“Alex!” Matthew glared at our son in the mirror.

“What? Don’t tell me you weren’t thinking it! What else would she mean? Unless,” Alex leaned forward and actually looked at me. I glanced at him quickly.

“Mom, are you dying? Do you have cancer or something?”

I turned around to look at my son, and caught Matthew trying to keep his attention on the road, but his eyes were darting back and forth at me.

“No, Alex. I’m not dying or anything. I’m not suicidal. I promise. I am okay. I’m fine. It was just something I was wondering about and nothing for you to worry about.”

Alex frowned at me.

“Honest?” He asked.

“Honest” I replied.

“Pinly, pinky high-five promise?” He asked.

Tears came to my eyes. I couldn’t believe he remembered that.

Whenever the kids had doctor’s appointments, they would ask if there would be needles. If there were, I would tell them and we’d talk about their fears and I would remind them they were to help them stay healthy and strong. And then I’d remind them that we always stopped for ice cream when we had to have needles.

After one appointment where I hadn’t known there would be a vaccine, I had to come up with a reason for the kids to believe me. So I came up with out Honest Handshake. You link pinkies on each hand and then give each other a high five. They were four. Give me a break.

That became the “Pinky, Pinky, High-Five Promise Handshake” which we eventually changed to the “Honest Handshake” because it was shorter.

“I pinky, pinky, high-five promise,” I said, smiling through my tears.

Alex nodded and sat back in his seat.

I returned to looking out the window and feeling Marthew stealing glances at me periodically.

The Christmas holidays went by way too fast. And I can’t honestly say they were completely merry.

After a quiet Christmas morning with the kids at home, where we’d all exchanged gifts, we went over to Matthew’s parents for Christmas dinner and for them to spoil their grandchildren. You can probably guess who else was invited.

Everything was fine until New Year’s Eve.

We were at Matthew’s parents, as we are every year. They put on a big party every year. We are obligated to go and honestly, it’s not always so bad. I get along with most, if not all, of the wives of David and Matthew’s colleagues and friends.

As she was every year, Seline was invited. She wasted no time hitting the bar. It wasn’t long before she was wasted herself.

“Amica,” she slurred at me. “D’you lake, liken my dress?”

I could have gotten drunk just off the fumes coming out of her mouth.

“It’s a very nice dress, Seline,” I said, trying to get her off of me and looking around for Matthew or someone to help get her away. Matthew caught sight of us and ended his conversation quickly.

“Know where I gots it from?” Selina hiccuped.

“I do not,” I said giving Matthew pleading eyes to hurry up.

“I got it in Paris. In November,” Selina laughed.

November? Why would she feel the need to tell me when she got it. Paris in November?

My eyes met Matthew’s as he reached Seline and I. I’m sure he could see the hurt on my face as he pulled Seline off of me. I turned away and hurried out of the house. I ran down the driveway hearing Matthew calling my name as he came after me.

I would not cry. I would not cry. I continued hurrying down the driveway towards the street. I’d call a rideshare and go, go where? Home, I guess, for now.

Matthew caught up with me and stopped me.

“Leave me alone,” I said angrily, trying to hold my tears.

“Amelia, what is it? Why are you so upset? What happened?”

I stared at him.

“How long?” I asked.

“How long, what?” Matthew asked. I glared at him, shook my head and pushed past him. He grabbed me by the shoulders and turned me around to face him. “Amelia?”

I took a deep breath.

“How long do you expect me to put up with this? With her?” I fumed.

“With. Wh-what? Who?” He stammered.

“Don’t pretend you don’t know what or who I am talking about!” I spat at him. “I have tolerated this for twenty three years, Matthew. I’ve turned a blind eye, I’ve pretended not to let it bother me. But it’s not enough that you belittle me, teach the kids they don’t need to respect me or any of the lessons I tried to teach them. But you have to flaunt your whore above me?”

Matthew frowned at the word ‘whore’.

“What in god’s name are you talking about?” He asked.

“Did you see the dress Seline was wearing? Lovely, wasn’t it?” I asked.

“Sure. I guess. I didn’t notice,” Matthew shrugged.

“You didn’t? Are you sure? Didn’t it look familiar?” I spat.

“Amelia, what are you trying to get at?” Matthew asked, getting testy.

“Seline told me where she got her dress,” I said, crossing my arms.

“Great. Why? You and she have very different styles,” Matthew said, visibly confused.

“You might find it interesting,” I said. Matthew rolled his eyes.

“Why?” He asked.

“She told me she got it in Paris,” I said. Matthew didn’t flinch. “In November.”

I saw his Adam’s apple jump up and down as he swallowed, realization coming to his face.

“So, I ask you again, how long do you expect me to pretend?”

“Amelia, can we talk about this? Please? I know. It was stupid. I was stupid. I, it was a mistake. Honey, please,” Matthew pleaded with me.

“I don’t think I can get over this, Matthew,” I said.

“Amelia, please. Let me explain,” he begged.

“There is absolutely nothing I want to hear from you or say to you right now. I’m going home. Make whatever excuse you want, tell your mother I told her to stuff it. I don’t care. But I am not staying here another minute to be ridiculed by your family. Because I have absolutely no doubt they already know.”

“Amelia, please, sweetheart. Calm down. We’ll talk about it, okay? But yeah. You go home. I’ll tell my mother and the kids you weren’t feeling well so I sent you home in a cab. We won’t stay too late, okay?”

“Honestly Matthew, I don’t care,” I said. “Stay as late as you want. Stay overnight. Stay forever. Right now I couldn’t care less.”

“Go home, get some sleep, we’ll talk in the morning. Okay?” Matthew said.

My ride arrived and I got into the car without a second glance or another word. I locked the bedroom door when I went to bed.

Matthew and the kids came home around one. I heard Matthew telling the kids to be quiet and to not bug me. I heard him try the door handle and bump into the door.

“Amelia?” He knocked quietly. “Honey? Are you awake? Can you let me in? Please sweetheart?”

I lay curled up in bed with my arms around myself and letting the tears flow from my eyes. I didn’t answer him.

“Amelia? Hon?” Matthew tried once more. I heard him drop his head onto the door. “Amelia. I’m really sorry. Please, let’s talk about it?”

I squeezed my eyes shut as I silenced a sob.

“I’ll be in the blue guest room, if you need me,” he said quietly. He patted the door three times before I heard him walk away.

The ride to the airport two days later, to send the kids back to school was a mostly silent affair.

“Mom?” Anna said, breaking the silence.

“Yeah, hon?” I asked, turning around to look at her.

“Are you okay?” She asked.

“I’m fine, sweetheart,” I smiled.

“Are you mad at me? Or Alex?” She glanced at her brother. I adjusted my gaze and looked at my son, who was looking at me with a mix of concern and confusion. I smiled at him.

“No, hon. I’m not mad at either of you. Why would I be? I’m just sad that the break is over and you two have to go back to school. I like having you home,” I said. And I meant it.

“Are you and Dad okay?” Alex asked.

“You two don’t have anything to worry about, okay? It’s married people stuff and it’s complicated. But you two don’t need to worry. Promise?” I asked.

“Pinky, pinky high-five promise?” Alex smirked.

I smiled.

“Pinky, pinky high five promise.”

The Miata showed up the next day.

Chapter 15

Present

“Police in the Renfrew Almeda area are searching for this woman, Amelia Davenport,” a recent photo from Matthew’s phone was displayed on the screen. I smiled. It was taken on our friend’s sailboat the weekend before the fireworks. The weekend before I died. It had been a good day. We had a lot of fun.

“Mrs. Davenport, wife of the President and CEO of Davenport Industries, Matthew Davenport, was last seen this past Sunday night when she left their Renfrew neighborhood home to run an errand before the family’s plans to attend the Founder’s Day fireworks.”

That’s a tactful way to put it, I thought.

“Amelia Davenport is 5’5” tall with medium brown hair and a medium build. She was driving an indigo blue Miata with the licence plate ‘MELI’. Her husband believes she was likely wearing jeans and a blouse and either Vans or Converse shoes. Mrs. Davenport is not known to have any health issues and is not thought to be at risk of any harm to others or herself. Mr. Davenport reports he and his wife had had a small disagreement and he initially thought his wife was taking time to cool off.”

The scene changed to Alex, Anna and Matthew in the driveway earlier today. All three of them had red eyes from crying.

“Our mom had never gone this long without at least texting my sister or me, even if she’s mad at our dad. We haven’t heard from her since Sunday night. Mom, if you’re out there and can hear this, please come home?”

Oh, Alex, my baby boy. I’m right here, sweetheart. I’m right here beside you.

I laid my head on his shoulder. Alex shivered.

“You okay?” Anna asked him. Matthew, his parents, Kieran, Emily and Alecia all looked over.

“Just got a weird chill,” Alex said and shook his head and rubbed his shoulder. He shivered again.

Kieran, Emily and Alecia had pretty much moved into our house. Now that I was an official missing person, our house became command central. Police were in and out, a hotline was set up, neighbours came and offered help. Some just brought meals not knowing what else to do.

“Anyone with any information about the whereabouts of Amelia Davenport are asked to call the police hotline listed on your screen.”

“We should offer a reward. People will call if we offer them a reward,” David said.

“Let’s see if just getting the word out there helps first,” Rachel said.

“In other news, forensic investigators looking in to the brush fire that closed the 410 between Almeda and Renfrew are no closer to determining the cause of the fire. However, they said they were able to identify the VIN of the car that was found at the bottom of the embankment where it had come to rest against a tree after rolling down the embankment. Police will run the number and contact the owner or the owner’s next of kin. This is a developing story. Now back to Julie and Michael in the newsroom,” the on-scene reporter said.

“How sad,” Julie said. “I hope the Davenport family finds Amelia soon, and that she’s alright. Our thoughts go out to her and her family tonight. And remember, if anyone has any information, please call the hotline that was displayed on the screen, or you can find it on our website.

Now over to Kevin for the weather,”

Matthew turned off the TV.

“I’m going to bed,” he said, standing up. He lost his balance for a second. I tried to grab him so he wouldn’t fall. He stumbled and shivered.

“Dad?” Alex asked. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah. Just got a little light headed for a second. And a really odd chill just now. I’m fine. I’m okay. I just need to get some sleep,” Matthew said. He shook his head and made his way upstairs.

Over the weekend police and neighbors, as well as a myriad of volunteers, were in and out of the house. The police set up search areas in the places I would most likely be.

Armed with flyers showing my vital statistics – age, height, features, and a photo of me, the volunteers went door to door in the neighborhoods and hotel areas I could have conceivably gone.

The police went to the airport and checked with domestic carriers.

Matthew went through the desk in my study to see if there were credit card statements for cards he didn’t know about. There weren’t. Matthew rarely questioned my spending on our cards. There was no reason to get secret cards.

He turned on my computer to see if he could find something. A flight confirmation or a hotel reservation. Once he figured out my password – the twins’ birthday – he searched through my emails, using every search term he could think of. He checked my browser history. Nothing.

Monday morning found my family sitting miserably together in the dining room. Mrs. Watkins had made everyone breakfast but no one was really eating.

It had now been a full week and there wasn’t a hint of where I could be.

My siblings were vacillating between scared and sad, and angry. Kieran kept shooting death stares at Matthew. But his face softened whenever he looked at my children.

Anna seemed to be in a perpetual state of misery. Her eyes were red rimmed and she hadn’t been sleeping well. I sat through the night with her as she sobbed off and on. I watched as she went through my last texts to her. Paragraphs from me. Short sentences from her.

But when she scrolled through her camera roll, I saw she’d saved every photo I had sent to her. Silly photos where I was trying on silly looking hats for a party Matthew and I were going to back in April, photos I took in Aruba at Thanksgiving, where we had gone, again. The photo I’d insisted on taking before we left her at her dorm at Brown. She’s kept them all. Every insignificant moment I’d wanted to share with my daughter.

Alex had dark circles under his eyes. He also hadn’t been sleeping very well the past couple of nights. He had also been going through our texts. Again. Paragraphs from me. No more than six words from him.

Matthew was gaunt. Pale. His mouth was in a straight line, maybe slightly pulled down at the sides. There was almost no trace of the jovial man I had married. The man who had laughed at my first attempt at ice skating on a trip to New York at Christmas the year before we were married. The man whose eyes had sparkled when I came into the room those first few years of our marriage. The smile he only had when the kids were around. It was a smile just for them. Even when our marriage had been good and he still smiled when he saw me, his smile for our children was different. Not better, just different. I had been getting my smile less and less over the years, until my presence had seemed more of a hindrance, an obligation. But his smile for Alex and Anna, that never waned.

But even now, with both his children right in front of him, that smile was absent.

My siblings looked small. Alecia, like Anna, had cried off and on. So had Emily, who had been asking me about pregnancy things, baby names, parenting advice, things sisters in law discussed when they got along. She missed me. I missed her. I’m sad I won’t meet my niece or nephew. I won’t get to see him or her grow up. I won’t get to spoil them rotten.

Kieran, like Matthew, held his mouth in a straight line as well.

Everyone jumped when Alex’s phone rang. He grabbed it, looked at the display and rolled his eyes.

“Hey, Justin,” he said, defeat in his voice. He listened as his friend talked to him. Everyone else went back to their solitary contemplation.

“No,” Alex said. “Nothing. Not yet anyway.”

Alex listened for another few minutes.

“I’m gonna pass, man. I need to be here,” he said.

“Because she’s my mom, Justin!” He said angrily. He hung up the phone and dropped it onto the table. He sat forward and put his face in his hands. His shoulders shook. I wanted to hold him so badly.

Oh, Alex. I’m so sorry.

“Alex?” Anna asked.

“I’m fine,” he muttered into his hands. “Fucking Justin.”

Alex pushed back from the table, grabbed his phone and went outside to the backyard and stood by the pool. I followed him outside. I didn’t want him to be alone.

“Alex?” Anna said, coming outside. “What happened? What did Justin say?”

“He asked if we wanted to come to a party tonight,” Alex frowned. “I told him I need to be here. I assumed I could answer for you, too.”

Anna nodded.

“But then he asked why I needed to be here when no one knows where Mom is anyway.”

“Oh,” Anna said quietly. “Yeah. You definitely could answer that for me. I’m not going anywhere.”

“He said with how much I complained about Mom when we were at Masterson, he didn’t think I’d care this much that she was gone. How can I not, Anna? She’s our mom!”

Anna wrapped her arms around her brother. I smiled as I saw that. No matter what happens in this world, my children will always have each other. That was really all I could ask for. That my children knew they had each other.

“We weren’t very nice to her,” Anna said. “Sometimes, we were really mean. Why? I was reading my texts with her. She would send paragraphs of text telling us everything she was doing while we were away. I barely gave them a second glance and hardly answered her.

Did you know she took a painting class?”

“Yeah. She sent me a picture of one of her paintings,” Alex said.

I smiled as he pulled the picture up on his phone. It was a watercolour I had done. A bright beach scene with the ocean in the background and two similar small figures in the distance playing in the sand. Both crouched down in front of a sand castle. One girl, one boy. It wasn’t a masterpiece, but I thought it was pretty good for an amateur artist. I smiled still. He’d kept the photo.

“She was, she is, pretty good,” Anna said.

I smiled at her optimism that I would be found and I would be fine. I wished that that was the outcome they would have. But we already know, it isn’t.

The kids stood near the pool, showing each other the photos and texts I had sent them while they’d been away at school. They smiled a little and that made me happy to see. That they could find a reason to smile during a difficult time.

“Alex, Anna,” Matthew called from the doorway, gesturing for them to come inside.

The twins looked up at him. I looked over as well. He looked nervous. Worried.

“Dad? Is everything okay? Is it Mom?” Anna asked.

“The police want to talk to us,” Matthew said simply.

Anna and Alex looked at each other and hurried inside. A police officer was standing in the dining room where Matthew, Kieran, Emily, Alecia and my in-laws were all sitting. Everyone looked concerned, but also hopeful. Anna and Alex resumed their seats at the table.

“As you know, there was a brush fire near the Almeda exit of the 410 last week. You might have heard that they found a car?”

“We did. We’d heard it was destroyed in the fire. But they were able to find the VIN,” Matthew nodded.

“Correct. The VIN came back registered to Davenport Industries, in the name of Matthew Davenport. It matches the registration for a late model indigo Miata,” the officer said.

“That’s Mom’s car!” Alex said.

Anna’s eyes filled with tears.

“Was she in the car?”

Matthew’s eyes filled with fear and worry. Emily and Alecia broke into sobs. Even my mother in law looked concerned. My father in law looked at my husband with a look that was mixed with anger and sympathy.

“So far there’s no indication that anyone was in the car when it caught fire. There were no human remains found, though there was some glass in the sunroof that looked like it may have had blood on it. We can’t be sure yet.”

“So, what does that mean? If Amelia wasn’t in the car, how did it wind up at the bottom of the embankment?” Matthew asked.

“We are investigating every possibility we can from every angle we can think of. You said, Mr. Davenport, that the last time you heard from your wife was sometime in the evening last Sunday. During the Founder’s Day fireworks?”

“Yes. Amelia called my phone but I didn’t really let her speak,” Matthew said, his voice shaking and guilt playing with his features. “I was annoyed that she hadn’t come to the display and that she’d forgotten to get something the kids asked for.”

Alex and Anna both looked down at their laps.

“What time was her phone call to you?” The officer asked.

“I don’t know,” Matthew frowned, taking out his phone and looking at his call log. He scrolled through every recent call.

The last incoming call from me was at 10:13 Sunday night. A half an hour before the end of the fireworks.

“Okay. That gives us a timeline. We’ll check with area hospitals as well as trauma centres a little further out to see if anyone reported a Jane Doe, or if your wife was admitted somewhere.”

“I called around to our local hospitals. They said she wasn’t there,” Matthew said.

“We’re going to double check anyway,” The officer said.

“Could Mom be wandering around somewhere lost and confused?” Anna asked. “If she wasn’t in the car when it caught on fire, could she have gotten out and could she have hit her head or something? Could she have amnesia or something?”

“It’s possible, and we’re going to look into that possibility as well. What I can tell you definitively is that we did find the remnants of a purse. Forensics going through it to see what ID might be salvaged or if we can confirm the identity of the driver.”

“So, Amelia is out there somewhere?” Kieran asked.

“It’s possible,” the officer said. He didn’t elaborate. Because the reality is, the possibility that I’m not ‘out there somewhere’ is also just as possible.

Anna and Alex looked at each other with hope in their eyes. It saddened me to know that their hopefulness was going to be relatively short lived.

“So, we check the area around the embankment,” Kieran said. “We canvass the neighborhood. Someone must have seen something.”

“That’s where our guys are going first, and we’ll get the volunteers out there as well. We’re also going to sweep the land around the embankment and up and down the stream bed to see if we can find any further clues. I don’t want to give you false hope, because we haven’t found a body, so the chances she survived the crash and is wandering around somewhere aren’t zero, but that’s a pretty steep embankment and the car was pretty smashed up before the fire got to it.”

“But if you didn’t find a body in the car?” My father-in-law asked.

“It could mean she survived the initial crash. But we don’t know what state she might have been in. We don’t know the extent of her injuries, and there is no way she got out of that car without some significant injuries. We’ll be looking for anything that could give us any clues as to her whereabouts and status,” the officer said.

I liked him. He seemed to think I probably hadn’t survived very long outside the car, but he wasn’t letting my family think there was no hope. I appreciated that he wasn’t letting them jump to conclusions either way. But I’d heard the radio chatter when he was approaching the house. The extent of the damage to the car, the broken glass, there was chatter that if I had survived the crash and managed to get myself out of the car, that I probably didn’t get very far, and I probably didn’t last very long.

And they were right, but they hadn’t looked much beyond the wreckage.

And then, of course, the fire department had doused the area in water while fighting the fire. My remains were no longer the two or three meters away from my car they had been on Sunday night and Monday morning.

“We’re going to find you, Amelia,” Matthew said to my photo on the flyer in front of him on the table. “One way or the other, we’ll find you, sweetheart.”

Chapter 16

Before

The kids were home for the summer after their first year of university. Matthew had gone to pick them both up, leaving me at home. He’d said he would need as much space in the car as possible, since the kids would be bringing their luggage home. We had rented them each a small storage unit for the summer near the schools for any of the furniture and belongings that they couldn’t leave in the dorm rooms. And their winter clothes, since they would be extremely unlikely to need winter clothes at home in the summer. Everything else was coming home with them.

I was disappointed that Matthew didn’t want me to come with to the airport to pick the kids up. I had missed them since they’d gone back after their winter break. Both of them had chosen to go away with friends for their spring break and Matthew had flown out to see them and take them skiing a couple of times over the winter. Again, he used the excuse that I don’t ski as the reason to not bring me along.

With the kids away at school, Matthew working all the time, and spending a few nights a month in the apartment downtown, I had decided to take some classes just for my own personal enjoyment.

I started with community classes and took an art class. It allowed me to explore different mediums such as paints, oils, pastels, pencils and clay/pottery. I found I really enjoyed painting, but felt I needed more lessons geared towards just learning painting skills and techniques.

I found a small art studio not too far from the house where they held classes weekly, and registered for their oil painting class.

I didn’t like oil painting as much as I had thought I would, but I wasn’t willing to give up, because I found that I really do like creating. So I registered for their watercolour class for the next session. I found that I really enjoyed watercolours much more and continued registering for the subsequent sessions and the more advanced courses.

I’m no Andy Warhol or Freida Kahlo, and I highly doubt any of my art is going to show up in a gallery somewhere. No one would want to buy my paintings, but I loved the feeling of creating something. The instructor gave us all feedback on our work and it was fun to watch my classmates and my skills improve and change as we learned new techniques for blending and deepening colours to portray distance or intensity.

I filled my days with tennis or golf, or even just sitting by the pool at the tennis club. I had lunches with friends – some of whom were the mothers of friends of our children from Masterson.

Once a month I volunteered at the hospital, just for something to do with my days. Unfortunately, their volunteer program only had room for monthly shifts, so, I looked forward to my one day a month when I helped out.

When I had toyed with the idea of going back to work, Matthew had scoffed.

“You’ve been out of the legal field for 18 years already, Amelia. You’re older than all the Junior Partners and you’d have to start from scratch,” he’d said. “You wouldn’t be able to keep up anyway.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked.

“You’re not 25 anymore, Amelia. You’re 43, you’ve spent the last 18 years at home, raising the kids, and being out of the workforce. It’s changed a lot in the last 18 years. Hell, it’s changed a lot in the last five years!”

“Are you implying I’m not smart enough to catch up to today’s graduates? You know I kept my license current. You know I took all the CE credits to keep me current,” I frowned.

Matthew had wrapped his arms around me, kissed my forehead, smiled at me and said:

“You don’t need to go back to work, Amelia. Enjoy the time you’ve now got for yourself.”

And so, I didn’t go back to work. I stayed home. I became a ‘lady who lunches’. I shopped when I wanted to, and spent days and evenings finding ways to keep myself busy.

I read. I read a lot. I wore out my library card. I read classics and contemporary literature. I reread some of the books I had read in high school and college hoping for a different perspective from when I’d had to read them.

I read chick-lit and whatever the most popular novels were. I read fiction and non-fiction, biographies and autobiographies, I even tried reading Shakespeare just for fun. I gave up after The Tempest.

I plowed through Stephen King, Dean Koontz, James Patterson and Michael Chichton. I explored authors from other countries. I taught myself French hoping one day Matthew might take me to Paris.

I joined a book club.

I watched a lot of bad daytime TV.

I took pictures of the things I did or a really good book I thought maybe Anna would like. I’d send her my reviews and the cover.

I learned to follow baseball and would watch games on TV. I would text Alex and give him my thoughts on the games and the calls and the plays.

I learned to follow hockey and did the same in the winter.

I explored our city. I found cute little bistros, cafes and hidden gems. I’d bring my friends to them if I had really enjoyed it.

I started a blog.

I bought myself a decent digital camera and took photos. I’d upload them and send some to the kids and tell them about the places I went to take the photos, what the day was like, weather and such.

None of it was really fulfilling. It was just… filling. Filling time, filling days, filling hours.

No matter how much I wrote to the kids, if I got a response at all, it was short. Anna might send a full sentence, but rarely more than that.

Alex’s spring break trip to Florida was ‘fine’.

Anna’s spring break trip to Vail was ‘really fun’.

I took my sister and Emily to Napa for a couple of days. We toured wineries and stayed in a cute bed and breakfast. The couple who ran it were elderly but still so spry. I hope to be as active and vital when I’m in my 80s.

We went home with cases of wine. Matthew enjoyed some of them. Others he didn’t even try because he doesn’t like rosés or Pinot Noirs.

And now that it was summer and the kids were home, I’d have things to keep me busy with them.

Except they weren’t interested in spending any time with me. They would both take off whenever they rolled out of bed and be gone all day. Sometimes they came home for dinner. Sometimes they didn’t. I never got an answer when I asked. Or, if I did, it was obvious they found my question too personal. Too prying. That I didn’t need to know where they were.

They rolled in at all hours of the night. I never slept well until they were home.

Matthew went on a few business trips over the summer. I didn’t bother asking if Seline was going as well. I just assumed she would be.

My summer was not much different than the school year had been. I barely saw or spoke to my kids. I just texted them as I had during the year.

Matthew insisted we go on a family picnic for the twins’ birthday and we ended the night with the Founder’s Day fireworks. We’d stopped at the little store that sold the drink the kids liked on our way to the beach, and kept the bottles in the cooler for the fireworks.

At the beach, the kids and Matthew took off into the water. I stayed behind to ‘watch our stuff’.

“We don’t want anyone stealing it,” Matthew said. “Besides, you can read your book and work on your tan.”

If I worked on my tan any more, I could be placed in a bronze museum.

But, as had become usual, I was merely an observer to my family’s fun.

When we had lunch, I tried to get the kids to talk to me. To tell me about their year at school, to acknowledge me in some way.

Alex rolled his eyes and sneered at me, telling me I wouldn’t find it interesting.

Anna told me it was summer and she was pretending school didn’t exist.

Matthew told me to stop prying.

I sighed as I ate my sandwich in silence.

We left the beach for the grove where the fireworks would be held. The square in the middle of our little town just outside the city was already filling up with families. We found a spot and Matthew and the kids set up our picnic blankets and the picnic I had packed.

We greeted neighbours and friends, some whom we only saw on the night of the fireworks.

I always enjoyed the fireworks display and this year was no different. The town would coordinate it to music and it was always fascinating. This year they seemed to be doing a Disney theme, so the music was from Disney movies.

When the kids were little, Matthew would tell them that the fireworks were just for them. That the whole town was celebrating their birthday.

I had told them they were born during the fireworks display and that’s why they were so bright.

The kids had believed Matthew until they went to school.

I remembered an extremely angry five-year-old Alex coming home at the end of the school year. He told me he wasn’t mad at me, he was mad at his dad, and he was also ‘just mad’. Listening to him and his little voice giving Matthew a what for about how the fireworks weren’t for him and Anna and that his father had lied to him was hard not to laugh at. But Matthew and I had remained straight faced while Alex ranted at him and Anna nodded along.

When we had gotten the children into bed and had gone outside to share a bottle of wine and catch up on our days, we had burst into laughter and replayed the entire conversation to each other.

“His face!” Matthew laughed. “How did you not break down when he put his hands on his hips and leaned into his tirade?”

“I really do not know. I was having a very hard time keeping a straight and serious looking face. Did you see Anna trying to agree but losing the plot?” I asked.

We both broke down laughing.

Even still, it didn’t change their love for the display and it was our tradition anyway. We always went and we always enjoyed the evening, even as more and more often, the kids gravitated towards Matthew, leaving me to observe from the outside.

At the end of the summer, Matthew took the kids back to school. They took my Range Rover and he drove them back.

I stayed home. They needed the space. Matthew said he would stop at hotels on his way back so he wouldn’t drive tired.

Once again, I was left behind. A second thought if I was lucky enough to even be a thought.

With the kids back at school, Matthew being mostly absent, even when he was home, I went back to my quiet life of quiet activities. I still texted the kids and sent photos hoping to get some engagement from them.

We spent Thanksgiving in Aruba again. Matthew was less distracted by work and spent more time with me than the previous year. And by that I mean he was within my view. But even away from home, Matthew was never truly ‘with’ me. He got up early to swim. He often went to breakfast from the pool, forgetting, presumably, to see if I was awake yet to join him.

He ran on the beach. He played beach volleyball with the college aged kids on holiday. He was glued to his phone, texting the kids, sending photos, texting Seline.

The room was used for sleeping and changing. Nothing else. Matthew didn’t touch me once the entire week.

The kids were home for Christmas break again but I almost never saw them. They went out with friends, they went out together. They went to Seline’s and hung out with her son Daryl. They stayed out late and slept in.

The longest I saw them was Christmas morning when we exchanged gifts.

I had gotten Alex a Rolex similar to his dad’s. I got Anna a watch and a necklace that I had made from my mother’s ring.

Anna had gotten me books that I had sent her reviews about after I had read them.

Alex got me a gift card to a local shop I’d mentioned once. I’d told him how I’d watched the owner berate a woman who was short a few dollars and wanted to take one of the items out of her basket to be able to afford her purchases. I had offered to pay the extra few dollars but the shop owner wouldn’t have it.

“Don’t shop in my store if you can’t afford it!” She had yelled at the woman.

Terribly embarrassed, the woman abandoned her purchases and left the store.

I gave the owner a piece of my mind, left my own purchases and followed the woman out. I saw her outside and apologized if I had embarrassed her. She assured me I hadn’t and she was grateful I had stepped in.

“It’s been a tough month,” she said. “I ran out of money before I ran out of month. But she didn’t have to be so cruel. I’ve been shopping here for six years. She’s lost a loyal customer!”

“Two,” I said.

“I won’t shop here again, either. You weren’t wrong. You weren’t a problem. You simply wanted to take an item out of your order. She was out of line,” I sympathized.

I never shopped there again. Alex’s gift card was still in my desk.

The kids were back at school in early January and I went back to filling my days with things that didn’t matter.

Chapter 17

Present

“There’s been a development in the case of missing Almeda woman Amelia Davenport.”

No one turned the TV off anymore.

“As it turns out, the car that was found at the bottom of the embankment near the Almeda exit was registered to Matthew Davenport, president and CEO of Davenport Industries and husband of the missing Mrs. Davenport. The registration matches the indigo Miata the missing woman was reported to have been driving on the night she is believed to have disappeared.”

“There was no body found with or near the car,” the police officer who had brought the news to my family said on camera from our driveway.

Officer Shelton had become a fixture around the house. The kids and Matthew called him Aaron. He called the kids, Matthew, my in-laws and my siblings, and of course Emily, by their first names.

“We are asking the public to please keep their eyes and ears open. Mrs. Davenport, Amelia, could be injured, confused, and lost. We are asking everyone in the area to please check their sheds, pool houses, garages, any place on their property that Amelia may have sought shelter. She may be frightened and she is most likely grievously injured and will require immediate medical attention.”

The camera panned across our property showing our home and driveway.

“Amelia Davenport’s car was found at the bottom of the embankment near the Almeda exit, and it is unclear if the car was the cause of last week’s bush fire, or destroyed by the fire itself. A purse was found in the car and what was able to be salvaged was indeed ID belonging to the missing woman.”

“She has no money on her, no credit cards, no identification. She may have her phone with her, as that was not found with the car or the purse, however her family states it has been going to voicemail since Founder’s Day and very likely may not have any battery left, or may have been damaged in the crash. It is thought that Mrs. Davenport’s car was somehow pushed off the road and through the barrier where it rolled down the embankment before coming to rest against a tree. From the state of the car, the damage it sustained and the grade of the embankment it is highly likely that Mrs. Davenport has some severe injuries. We need to find her and get her to medical treatment.”

“Shopkeepers in the area are also being asked to be vigilant and report any suspicious activity in or around their stores in case Mrs. Davenport seeks aid, food, or shelter. They are being asked to check their garbage sheds, dumpster bins and alleyways.

“Volunteers and police have been canvassing the neighborhoods and searching the area where Mrs. Davenport’s car was found. So far there has been no sighting of the missing woman.”

Alex got up and went outside, dropping into a lounge chair by the pool. Seline, who continued to show up, went outside to him.

“Alex?” She said, quietly, while sitting down beside him. “What’s up, sweetheart?”

“Don’t call me that,” Alex said, tersely. “My mom calls me that. You don’t.”

“Alex,” Seline said.

“No! Don’t you understand? It’s because of you she’s missing!” Alex said angrily.

“Alex, I had nothing to do with whatever has happened to your mom.”

“For years you treated her like shit. You pretended to forget her name, you belittled her. You flaunted your relationship with Dad. You made her feel like she didn’t have any worth!”

“Alex, you don’t understand my relationship with your dad,” Seline said.

Oh, Seline. I think he does.

“Your dad and I, we grew up together. We went to school together. Our parents often joked that they’d get us to marry each other and blend our families. I grew up with that as the plan. We dated in high school because it was expected. I love your father. But I knew he loved, loves, your mother more.”

Wait, what?

“Then what was all that shit you pulled? The bra in the apartment? Showing up everywhere? Never remembering her name? Or pretending? Showing up in Paris? Klosters? Colorado? New York? And Mom put up with you. You ruined their marriage! You made Mom feel like she didn’t matter!” Alex cried.

“You and your sister and your father aren’t innocent either, Alexander Davenport! I saw how you all pulled away from Amelia. You all left her behind when you went on ski trips. You complained about her to Daryl and your friends,” Seline said.

She hadn’t been invited on those trips? She’d simply inserted herself into my family’s activities? She hadn’t gone to Paris with Matthew? She’d just taken it upon herself to go?

“I didn’t say we were innocent. We fucked up, too. We ignored her. But that’s on us. And even still, even though we didn’t treat her as well as she deserved, she still loved us. Loves us. She always made sure to keep us informed about what she was up to. I never thought I’d miss those paragraphs of texts but I’d give anything right now to read some drivel about art class or the Angels’ record.”

Alex broke down sobbing. Seline, in an act of sympathy I didn’t think possible of her, moved over beside him and wrapped him in her arms, letting him sob on her.

“No!” Alex shouted, jumping up. “You don’t get to play at being the emotional support for us now! You contributed to Mom’s misery! You made things worse last year at New Year’s and this year after Daryl’s graduation!”

Seline had invited us to Daryl’s graduation party where she had drawn Matthew and my kids into a sphere where she acted like she was also my kids’ mother. She had fawned all over them, had touted their achievements with pride as though she were the one who had spent hours trying to explain legal concepts, math equations, biology assignments and edited English papers. As though she had worried nights over exam results and waiting for acceptance letters from universities.

As had become the norm, I was shuffled off to the side. No one spoke to me except a couple of women who asked me my name and then looked confused when I mentioned I was Matthew’s wife.

“What’s going on out here?” Matthew said, coming outside and looking between Seline and Alex.

“Alex got upset and came out here, so I came to make sure he was okay.”

“Seline, why are you even here? You’ve never liked Amelia. Are you disaster touring or something? Don’t you have a child of your own to tend to?” Matthew asked.

“Daryl’s with his dad,” Seline said. “And I wanted to be here for you, Matty.”

“This isn’t a picnic, Seline. This isn’t a ski trip you can just invite yourself to. Do you understand what is happening here? Do you understand that Amelia is missing, Seline? It’s been two weeks and we have no clue where she is. What are you hanging around for?”

“Matty,” she said.

“Stop calling me that! We aren’t 16 anymore. We aren’t dating. I’m married, Seline. I’m married to Amelia. I’m sorry your marriage blew up and you’re alone, but I married Amelia because I loved – I love – her. I’m sorry if you can’t accept that but it isn’t going to change,” Matthew said.

“You could barely stand her, Matty, Matthew. You complained about her all the time!” Seline said.

“I vented some frustrations. That doesn’t mean I stopped loving her,” Matthew said.

“You have a funny way of showing it,” Seline crossed her arms. “You pushed her aside at every opportunity. You went away with the kids without her. You ignored her at every turn. If that’s love, I think I dodged a bullet.”

Remember when I was gobsmacked earlier? Yep. Same now. Seline was standing up for me? Sort of.

“I know,” Matthew said, looking at his feet. “I took her for granted. She was always there so I guess I just assumed she would always be there. She took – takes – care of the house and the kids and she never complained about it. I made her stop working when the kids were born and I never encouraged her to go back to work. In fact, last year when the kids went away to school I actively discouraged her from going back. I did that. I made her feel undervalued. I left her to fill her days with whatever she did to fill her days. I didn’t encourage her to do anything and I stopped listening when she would tell me what she did. But that’s on me.”

Where was all this honesty when I was alive, Matthew? Why, if you knew how you were treating me, how I was probably feeling, how lost and alone you were making me feel, how you pulled the kids away from me, the older they got, did you let it happen?

Why did you let me think you were having an affair? Why did you let me think you had invited Seline to Paris? Did I matter so little to you by that point that you didn’t think that I was affected in any way? Did you take my silence for acceptance?

“Dad, we were really mean to Mom. Why? How come we stopped taking her with us? She wouldn’t have been bored while we were skiing. She always had a book, the resorts had all sorts of things she could have done. She could have learned to ski,” Alex said.

“I thought skiing was kind of our thing. You, me and Anna. It was our trip to connect,” Matthew said.

“Yeah, but we didn’t do anything like that with Mom. Any time she tried to get us to go away with her we always found excuses not to,” Alex said, tears coming to his eyes. “Dad, I really miss her. And I’m scared something happened to her. Something really bad.”

Matthew went over to Alex and pulled him into a hug. Alex cried into his father’s chest. My heart broke. My poor son. I wanted to wrap him in my arms and tell him he was going to be okay. He’d learn to navigate his world without me. Hopefully, he’d remember the lessons I tried to teach them, even as Matthew undermined my discipline at every turn.

Anna came outside.

“Dad? Alex?” She said approaching them. “Are you guys okay?”

“No,” Alex said from Matthew’s chest. “I miss Mom and I’m scared.”

“Me too,” Anna said, wrapping her arms around her father and brother.

“I’m going to go,” Seline said. “I’m sorry about everything. I’m sorry I interfered and I’m sorry I treated Amelia so poorly. I really do hope that she is okay. Please, please let me know when you hear anything. I may not have treated her well, but I do care.”

“Thanks, Seline,” Matthew said. “We’ll let you know when we hear anything.”

“Would it be alright with you if I joined the volunteer teams on the searches?” Seline asked. “I don’t want to step on toes but I do want to help somehow.”

“Do what you want to do,” Matthew said. “Just stop inserting yourself into this. Stop pretending you are part of this family. You aren’t.”

“Yes, I get that Matthew. You’ve made that loud and clear,” Seline said. She left and I watched as she did.

I wasn’t sure what to feel. Seline had laid it all out. Her true feelings and the reason for how she acted. She didn’t hate me because she thought I was beneath her. She hated me because she had loved Matthew and Matthew hadn’t loved her back. She probably would have hated anyone Matthew married. It wasn’t me specifically.

And to hear my husband and my children worry, to see them cry, to hear them realize how they had treated me, how they had left me behind, pulled themselves away from me as they got older, and the fact that they realize it now, even though it’s too late for them to make amends, well, at least I’m hearing it now. At least I’m here to hear it. But, I’m beginning to wonder how long I’ll be here to keep an eye on them, to hear their worry, and their love coming after so many years of feeling like I was just a piece of the furniture. That I held no more significance than the nanny, or Mrs. Watkins.

Oh, Mrs. Watkins.

I’ve watched her as she watches my family worry, and cry, and as she’s tried my phone over and over hoping maybe she would be the one to get through. I’ve watched as she kneels by her bed, her rosary in hand, praying for me. Praying for my safe return, or praying for my soul in case the worst had happened.

I’d known she was Catholic since we hired her. I always made sure she got Sunday off to attend mass at the Catholic Church she frequented. I made sure she was able to attend mass when she wanted to – for the holidays and observances that were important to her. I even went to Christmas Mass with her a couple of times when Matthew and the kids had taken off over the winter break, always leaving me behind. I wasn’t religious. I wasn’t raised Catholic anyway, but I respected Mrs. Watkins’ faith and when she invited me to join her on Christmas that first year I was left behind, I joined. I knew the carols they sang, and the candles that lit the church. I felt welcome and warm. I went with Mrs. Watkins a few times over the years.

I wrapped my arms around my family anyway. All three of them shivered.

“Did you feel that, too?” Matthew asked the kids. “That sudden chill!”

“Yeah,” Alex said. “That was weird.”

Chapter 18

Present

“Search teams have been combing through the area where Amelia Davenport’s car and purse were found three weeks ago. So far there has been no sign of the missing woman and authorities are starting to become increasingly concerned.

Amelia Davenport’s car was found at the bottom of the embankment near the Almeda exit of the 410 highway through Renfrew-Almeda. The state of the vehicle made it obvious to investigators that the missing woman was involved in a serious accident, likely on the evening of Founder’s Day, when she was last seen by her family.

According to reports, Amelia Davenport was out running an errand before her family was set to leave for the Founder’s Day fireworks in the town square. She apparently never made it to the store she was heading to. Police have been to speak with the shopkeeper and have reviewed the store’s camera footage for that evening. Amelia did not enter the store at any point between 7:15, when she left the family home and 10:13, when her husband Matthew Davenport, President and CEO of Davenport Industries, last heard from his wife. Based on where Amelia’s car was found, she was involved in an accident on the way to the store.

Investigators with the Fire Marshall’s office and Police Forensics have been able to determine that the fire that consumed Amelia Davenport’s indigo Miata was not caused by the car catching fire, but rather from a cigarette that was thrown from the road above which caught on dry grass on the hillside and was then accelerated by gas that had leaked from the car’s gas tank.”

“Our concern now,” Aaron Shelton was saying to the reporter. “Is that it’s been three weeks since Mrs. Davenport went missing and there has been no sign of her that anyone has reported. The state of her vehicle indicated she must have received serious and possibly life threatening injuries. She has not, as far as we have been able to tell, shown up at any of the local hospitals or trauma centres. There has been no activity on any of the Davenport’s accounts and a thorough examination of her personal computer by our forensics experts has found no hidden accounts, no indication she was involved with anyone else with whom she could be hiding, and we do not suspect foul play in her disappearance. However, we are highly concerned about her state of well being considering the length of time she has now been missing and the injuries we believe she may have suffered.”

“Forensic examination of the Miata,” the reporter continued. “Shows that there was blood on the broken glass of the car’s sunroof. It is believed to belong to the missing woman though the fire that destroyed the car has made typing the blood a challenge.

Meanwhile, Amelia’s family sits at their Renfrew home waiting for any word on what has happened to the 44-year-old mother of two and the wife of one of the city’s most prominent businessmen.

The Davenport family has offered a one million dollar reward for any information that leads to Amelia’s whereabouts.”

The camera panned back to my family, standing miserably on our front driveway.

“We are maintaining hope that Amelia will be found,” Matthew said.

He looked so worn, so drawn. He’d lost weight in the past three weeks. The kids, too. It broke my heart seeing them suffer so much and knowing I couldn’t do anything about it. I couldn’t tell them where they should be looking.

“The kids and I are waiting for Amelia to come home,” he said.

“Mom,” Alex said, again. “I don’t know if you’re somewhere where you can hear this, but please, Mom, please come home. We miss you. Please, Mom?”

The camera panned over to Anna who was openly crying. She put her arms around her father and buried her head in his shoulder. My baby girl. I’m so sorry. I wish I could make this all better for you.

Alex, my handsome son. I’m so sorry, too. I am where I can hear you. I’m just not somewhere where you can hear me anymore.”

The story returned to the newsroom and the grim faces of the newscasters, wearing little indigo ribbons on their shirts.

“This story is just so sad,” Julie, the anchorwoman said. “Not one word or clue about where Amelia Davenport might be? And no one has been able to even track her cellphone since Founder’s Day. I know that everyone watching our broadcast has nothing but hope for the Davenport family. Please, if anyone has any information on where Amelia might be, please call the hotline number on your screen, or you can find it on our website. Any information, no matter how seemingly insignificant, could help lead police and investigators to find Amelia Davenport.”

“It’s so hard to see her kids suffering and not knowing where their mother is or what state she might be in. And her husband?” Michael shook his head solemnly.

“It’s so, so sad. But we here at News Channel 4 hope the Davenport family receives some good news soon. We hope Amelia is found soon and returned home to her family.”

I sighed.

Matthew sat back on the couch, Anna curled up into him. Alex was sitting in a chair nearby. David and Rachel were in the dining room, sitting quietly. David looked absolutely miserable. Rachel, I sighed, Rachel looked troubled.

“Why were you so horrible to her?” David said quietly, hoping neither Matthew nor the kids heard him.

“I wasn’t horrible to her,” Rachel said defensively.

“Would you say you were kind?” David said, tersely.

“I treated her just fine,” Rachel said, sitting up in her chair looking all the regal matriarch she thought herself.

David shook his head.

“Always inviting Seline to dinners when we invited Matthew and Amelia over. Conveniently forgetting to set a place for her? Barely acknowledging her, dismissing her achievements? Rachel, you isolated and pushed that girl to the brink. And for some reason, she kept combining back and talking the abuse you doled out to her,” he said.

“That isn’t fair, David,” Rachel said.

“Yes it is, Mother,” Matthew said, coming into the dining room. “From the day I brought her home to meet you and Dad, you’ve treated her worse than you treat your staff. Why? Why did you treat the woman I love with so much disdain?”

“Disdain? What are you accusing me of? Do you think Amelia being missing is my fault?” Rachel asked.

“I’m saying you contributed to her feelings of isolation. She tried, she tries, so hard to get you to give her a single kind word. A moment where you aren’t looking at her as though you scraped her off the bottom of your Louboutin,” Matthew frowned.

“I didn’t hear you complaining when Seline would come for dinner or if we invited her to brunch,” Rachel challenged.

“Seline and I were friends. Her parents moved across the country and she has, had, no one here but us. I thought you were being kind. I thought you were keeping an eye on the daughter of a friend. I didn’t think you were trying to break up my marriage and have me remarry Seline. I married Amelia, Mother,” Matthew spat at her. “I love Amelia. Seline and I have nothing going on, so you understand?”

“You forget where you came from, Rachel,” David said, simply.

“I absolutely do not forget where I’ve come from. It’s because of where I come from that I wanted better for my son!” She said.

“Better how?” David frowned. “What was so wrong with Amelia that you think she isn’t good enough for our son?”

“She came from, comes from nothing! What value does she bring this family? The company? Seline’s parents own the second largest import and export business in the state. We’re the largest in the country. Together we could have increased the profitability of both companies, secured a legacy for you and your children.

But no, Matthew. You had to go and fall in love with a nobody from nowhere!” Rachel argued.

Anna and Alex had just walked into the dining room, hearing their father arguing with their grandparents.

“Remind me, Rachel, what it was your father did for a living when we met?” David said.

“What does that even matter now?” She asked, petulantly.

“Did you see too much of yourself in Amelia? Were you afraid she was going to usurp your position in the family somehow? I watched that poor girl try so hard to gain your approval every time we were together. And each time she tried, you rebuffed every advance. You never gave her a chance. What were you so afraid of?” David said.

“I didn’t want our son marrying someone who had nothing to bring to the family,” Rachel said snootily.

“Nothing to the family?” Matthew said. “Do you not see this home? This house my wife maintained? The children she sacrificed her career for? Your grandchildren are both in Ivy League schools. You don’t just get there because grandpa or dad paid for a building. These kids got in because of the sacrifices Amelia made for them. Even when they didn’t appreciate it, Amelia was the one who edited essays, poured over biology, math, law books with them. She was the one who encouraged our little guppy Anna to try out for the Masterson swim team. She’s the one who, knowing little about baseball, pushed Alex to try out for the school team. She was at every single one of their games and meets. She tried to instill good values in our kids. She taught them to be good people. To not take everything we have for granted!”

“Mom tried so hard, Gramma,” Anna said. “Why don’t you like her?”

“I never said I don’t like your mother,” Rachel said.

But, Rachel, you never said you did, either. You still haven’t. You treated me like less. Like I was dirtying the name of the family. You let me get pushed off to the side.

“You never said you like her, either,” Alex said.

“I don’t have to listen to this,” Rachel said, standing up.

“Sit down,” David growled at her. “Your son deserves an explanation. Have you even looked at him since this all started? Do you not see the pain your son is in? Your grandchildren? Your own husband? You sit here day after day expecting everyone to serve you while the rest of us are trying to simply make it through the day.”

“I have nothing to explain,” Rachel sniffed.

“I think you know that’s not true,” David said.

I was enthralled. How come I had to die to learn all these secrets?

“Mom?” Matthew said. “What does Dad mean?”

“Fine,” she breathed out, frowning at her husband. “I saw myself in Amelia. And it made me uncomfortable because she seemed so comfortable merging into this life. I thought she was just trying to get our money. I thought she was a gold digger and I thought she would ruin the Davenport name. I thought she wanted to take my place as matriarch.”

“That makes literally no sense,” Matthew said. “For starters, how could she take your place?”

“I don’t know. I wasn’t being rational. I felt threatened by her. She was, she is, so smart. She’s so adaptable. She never said a word if I ‘forgot’ to set her a place. I wanted to challenge her. I wanted to see her fight for her place. I wanted her to work to belong. Like I had to. But she didn’t. She didn’t have to. She was embraced by our friends. She moved in our circles so seamlessly, and it wasn’t fair! I worked really hard to be accepted in your father’s circle, and here this girl with no standing comes waltzing in and our friends accept her without question.”

“Mom!” Matthew was incredulous. “You treated Amelia like shit because you felt threatened by her?”

“I saw so much of my younger days in her,” Rachel said, bowing her head. “The optimism, the belief that everything would fall into place. The work she put into making you happy. And I worried if something happened to me, she would step in and take over.”

“Gramma!” Alex said. “Mom just wanted to be treated like she mattered to you.”

“Mom,” Matthew shook his head. “She wasn’t trying to challenge you. She wasn’t trying to take anything away from you. She just wanted you to like her.”

“The night of the twins’ graduation party, Amelia was almost completely bowled over that you actually complimented her on the twins’ party. That you managed to not find anything wrong to complain about,” Kieran said coming into the dining room, having heard Matthew and the kids’ voices rising. “She’d complain to Alecia, Emily and I that she had no idea, after twenty something years married to her son, she hadn’t managed to crack the ice you put up when she’s around. The look in her eyes at the slightest praise from you nearly broke my heart. She tried so hard for years for you to accept her and you couldn’t spare a single compliment even once because you felt threatened by the world’s least threatening human being?”

“Except in the courtroom,” David smiled.

“What do you mean?” Matthew asked.

“I went to a couple of her trials before you had the kids, while she was still working. She was cut-throat. If you’d let her go back to work and gotten our legal department to hire her, we’d probably have never lost a single case, if anyone had dared sue us knowing she would be representing us. There’s a reason she made Junior Partner in less than five years. And you let her squander her talents,” David looked at Matthew pointedly.

“I was jealous of her,” Rachel said quietly.

Everyone turned to look at her.

“What?” Matthew asked, incredulously. “Why?”

“Amelia was everything – is everything – I saw in myself before I met your father. Don’t get me wrong. I love your father, and I love our life. But Amelia accomplished things I never did. She put herself through school, and didn’t have to rely much on student loans because she got scholarships and worked herself through school. She struggled, much like I did, but she never thought only of herself. Like her mother said at your wedding, she never spent the money Colette sent her, until she got home from school and used that money for her family. She was able to do things I was never able to do, and our backgrounds aren’t that dissimilar,” Rachel said.

“But, I don’t understand,” Matthew frowned. “If you grew up similar to Amelia, why didn’t you embrace her? You understood her better than I did, maybe, in that regard.”

“Because she accomplished more than I did. And I was jealous. She went to university and then grad school. I wasn’t able to finish university because I had to go help my family. She became a lawyer, I wanted to be a doctor, and then I wanted to be a chartered accountant. I was good at math. I am good at math. Amelia didn’t let her humble upbringing dictate where she landed. She went after what she wanted, and I let life come to me. I met your father, we got married, had you and your brother, and I never wanted for anything ever again. I went from being poor to being rich and respected. But every day I feel like a fake,” Rachel looked at her lap. “Like I’m living a lie. And I suppose in a way, I am.”

“How?” Alex asked.

“Because I spent my entire married life pretending I came from money. Your mother didn’t come from money, and she didn’t act like she did. She acted like a normal human being who happened to not have to struggle financially. I grew up living hand to mouth. My father was a labourer. He picked avocados and other crops. He always worked, but he didn’t make a lot of money. I always wore hand-me-downs that we got on sale at thrift stores or from church charity. I started working part time when I was in high school, just to cover my own expenses. Just to try to fit in with the other girls at school. I never wanted to feel like I was poor once I no longer had to worry about money. And I let my own discomfort with my past colour how I treated your mother,” Rachel explained.

“Mom didn’t have a lot growing up, either. And if you look in her study, she doesn’t have a lot, still. She has a five year old laptop because she won’t let Dad replace it. She says it works fine, why replace it? She recycled stuff. When Anna and I outgrew stuff, instead of throwing it away, she always donated it to Mrs. Watkins’ church or something,” Alex said.

“You treated my wife like she didn’t deserve to be a part of our family because you were jealous of her accomplishments? Because things that were never in your control, her upbringing, your upbringing, and how you each navigated the world, both mirrored and were so considerably different? What did you think Amelia was going to do? Divorce me and marry Dad?”

“I would have been proud to have someone like Amelia as my wife, had I not already been married to your mother, and if she’d been a few years older,” David said.

I smiled. I had always liked David. Not because he showed me any particular amount of respect, but because he never outrightly treated me with the disdain Rachel seemed to. And he’d offered me many kind words, albeit in private, that made living in this family just a little more tolerable.

I looked around the dining room. Six miserable faces, contemplating their treatment of someone they could never apologize to. And they still didn’t even know that.

Chapter 19

Present

While my family was discussing my mother-in-law’s treatment of her daughter-in-law, and coming to terms with some pretty painful truths about themselves, volunteers were walking along the dried streambed just past where my car had ended up. There were dogs involved in the search now. No one had mentioned to the family that they were cadaver dogs, looking for a body, and not search and rescue dogs looking for an injured person.

There were some search and rescue dogs as well, because no one had given up hope completely. But the police were being less optimistic than my family was. And with good reason. They’d been through these types of cases before. Three weeks with no sign of me anywhere, the realization that there had been blood on the broken glass of my sunroof, and knowing there was no way I hadn’t sustained some majorly serious injuries from the crushed state of the car, the police didn’t believe they were looking for a living person any longer.

They had started the search this morning four miles past the exit where my car had gone off the road. They were moving slowly, checking in the brush, looking for any sign that someone might have been through the area. People from the nearby neighbourhoods walked their dogs down in that little valley sometimes. And there were coyotes and other creatures that lived in the forested areas, who came out to feed on whatever was available. Police didn’t know whether, if they found my body, what state it would be in three weeks later.

The animals in the area, who had been frightened off by the fire and then the humans that had been investigating after the fire had been put out, were starting to make their way back to see what they could forage. They were wary of the humans making their slow way along the highway, but they still were able to find what they were looking for, while they were keeping their eyes and attention towards the humans moving in their direction.

A coyote found something enticing and had dragged the whole lot over to a shadier spot where it gnawed on a bone it had found. It licked the soot off of it and chewed, trying to get to the marrow inside, and also because it felt calmer chewing on a bone in the shade of a tall tree surrounded by some smaller brush. No one and nothing was currently around to disturb its rest and snack.

As evening fell, the humans were getting closer, but the coyote had been watching them from its den over the past few days as the humans moved at a snail’s pace through the brush. It knew that shortly, the humans would place their markers and call off the search for the night. Its treat would be safe for another day.

“Over here!” a voice called out. “I think I found something!”

Everybody in the search line stopped as the message was sent up and down the line. No one moved a muscle, not knowing what had been found, and not wanting to disturb anything further ahead until the line was cleared.

Seline, who had been helping every day for the past week, who had joined the volunteers searching the brush, looked up and towards the voice. Both fear and curiosity flashed across her features. She wiped the sweat from her brow and pulled the baseball cap she was wearing down a little lower.

The volunteers and search and rescue stood still as the police and search and rescue captains went to the volunteer who had stopped the line. Seline watched as they huddled around, about a hundred feet or so away from her own position.

Seline saw a flash of something in the hands of the volunteer who had called out. She couldn’t tell what it was, but they were all talking somewhat excitedly. Seline wanted to go over and see what it was they were so up in arms about, but the volunteers had all been trained and it had been emphasized that, if someone finds something, no one moves. Everyone was to stand exactly where they had stopped.

Instructions started making their way up and down the line. Mark your spot with your flag, look five feet in every direction of your flag. Once the volunteers were done looking in their designated area, they were to leave their flags and return to the staging area where they had met that morning. Volunteers murmured to each other wondering what had been found. Seline listened intently, trying to hear anything she could. She knew she could never win Matthew’s heart. She knew his heart belonged to Amelia, and she couldn’t change that. No matter how much she had tried over the last 25 years, she had always known in the back of her mind that Matthew would never leave his wife for her.

It had been something she had refused to admit for most of the past 25 years. Even when she had married Gerald, had Daryl and then divorced, she had known that her heart belonged to Matthew, but his heart belonged to Amelia.

And though she had been jealous of Amelia’s relationship with Matthew, and she had done everything she could to sabotage it, planting a bra in their downtown apartment, flying to Paris when Matthew had a business meeting there, stalking them to Switzerland, New York, and Colorado, trying to insert herself where his wife should be, Matthew never strayed from his wife.

She had no reason not to like Amelia, which was kind of the reason why she didn’t like Amelia. She was just so damned likable! She didn’t make a fuss when things didn’t go exactly to plan. She just went with the flow, changed things that needed to be changed, rolled with the punches and never looked stressed.

When Seline would show up to the Davenport’s for dinner on Friday nights, inserting herself into the seat that should be reserved for Matthew’s wife – and with Rachel Davenport’s silent blessing – Amelia never made a stink. She never spoke out, she never yelled at either Seline or Rachel. She just waited quietly for Rachel to correct her ‘mistake’ in ‘forgetting’ that Amelia was coming to dinner. If she felt any animosity towards either of them, Amelia never showed it. She acted with grace every time. It was something else Seline both loathed and admired about Amelia. She took nothing for granted and was always a lady. She treated Seline with distant familiarity. Never getting, or even trying to get close to her, but never making a scene or kicking her out of her home when Seline would turn up.

Seline had been thinking and reflecting over the past week as she had joined in the search efforts for Matthew’s wife, that she had probably wasted what could have been a good friendship, if she had allowed herself to get rid of the jealousy she had for Amelia, and the hurt she had that she, Seline, was not the woman Matthew wanted to spend his life with.

Helping with the search was the only thing she felt like she could do to make it up to Matthew, Amelia and the kids. Whether she was the one to find something significant or not, being part of the volunteer teams slogging through dry brush in the summer heat, Seline felt she owed it to Amelia, she owed it to Matthew and she owed it to the twins to do something for Amelia for once. Something that could matter. It was, in her mind, her way to apologize for how she’d been treating Amelia.

Seline had never wanted anything like this to happen. As much as she had once hoped that maybe one day she could have driven Amelia away, that she could have won Matthew’s heart somehow, that she could pick up where they left off in high school, even though Matthew had broken up with her before graduation, she never wanted something to happen to his family that was so painful.

Seline walked what she thought was about five feet forward from her flag, using the long stick – a broomhandle basically – to push aside the dry brush. She walked in a circle around her flag, like the rest of the volunteers were doing. When she had completed that, with nothing out of the ordinary to show for it, she gathered with the other volunteers and they walked back to the staging area where they had met earlier in the day.

People were murmuring to each other still, asking if they knew what had been found. Was it anything of significance? Was it something that belonged to Amelia? A clue as to where she might be? To where she might have gone?

Someone said they thought that it was a cell phone that had been found. Heavily damaged, cracked. Someone else said they thought they heard it looked like it had been burned. People wondered if it could be Amelia’s phone, being that they were still a good four or five miles from the site of the crash. Seline wondered, if it was Amelia’s phone, how would it have gotten all the way down here? Had Amelia wandered this far and just dropped the phone? And if it was burned, does that mean Amelia was still near the car when the brush fire started?

Then she wondered, if Amelia had survived the crash, and somehow survived the fire, was she even still alive? And if so, where was she?

Seline turned in her equipment – her hi-vis vest and stick – signed out for the day and waited for information and instructions for the next day.

She saw the volunteer who had stopped the line talking with the police and the search and rescue teams, but she couldn’t hear what they were saying, and she wasn’t about to butt in. If there was anything to impart to the volunteers, the police or other leaders would tell them.

The entire team of volunteers who had come out today were waiting around for their instructions for the following day. Every day everyone worried the search would be called off. Every day everyone hoped the search would be called off because Amelia had been found safe, even if she was injured. Even Seline knew Matthew would now do whatever it took to bring his wife back to health. He’d get the best doctors and make sure she had the best care. Amelia was going to be pampered by everyone when she was found, and Seline found that she couldn’t find an ounce of jealousy. In fact, she would expect that when Amelia was found, that the family would likely rally around her and make sure she no longer felt left out, abandoned or unloved. She smiled thinking about how much Amelia would finally feel appreciated.

Seline stood in a group of about ten people, none of whom she knew, but who were all here because someone in their neighbourhood needed help, and all they wanted was to assist. She recognized a few people who had come out to help from parties at the Davenports’ home. They were the parents of friends of Amelia and Matthew’s children. Women and men who had entertained the Davenports, and who had been entertained by the Davenports. She wondered, if something like this had happened to her, would there be this many people out helping to look for her? Would the Davenports – any of them – participate in a search for Seline if she had gone missing?

She didn’t think so, and it made her realize just how much time she had wasted trying to force a dream on both herself and Matthew, instead of embracing the woman he loved and learning to let go of childhood dreams.

The search and rescue supervisors, the volunteer who had stopped the line and the police broke up their little meeting and the police stepped forward and thanked the volunteers for their help and gave instructions for the following day.

“Unless you hear differently, we’ll start again at nine in the morning. We’ll meet here and we’ll start back where we left the flags today. Thank you everyone, for your help today. I know Matthew and his family appreciate the time and effort you’re all putting in. Hopefully we’ll have some good news and find Amelia so we can help her get back to her family,” the supervisor said.

Seline said goodbye to the people she had been working with today, got into her car and drove home. She was tempted to go to Matthew’s house and tell them that they might have found a cell phone, but she didn’t want to interfere any more than she already had. And she didn’t know for certain that what had stopped the search today was a cell phone at all, let alone being sure it was Amelia’s. She would wait to see if they learned anything about what had been found when the time came.

Chapter 20

Present

Anna was standing in the kitchen at the island, staring at the fridge. Mrs. Watkins came in to check everything was put away before she turned in herself.

“Anna, honey, what are you doing in here?” she asked my daughter. It was eleven o’clock at night and Mrs. Watkins wasn’t used to seeing anyone in the kitchen so late.

“Thinking,” Anna said. “About Mom.”

Mrs. Watkins went over to Anna and put her hand on my daughter’s.

“She made us a snack every night before we went to bed,” Anna said to Mrs. Watkins. “Something to send us off with full bellies and warm thoughts, that’s what she would always say. She said if we had warm thoughts we would have good dreams.”

“Your mother loves you and your brother very much. I’m sure she is hurting just as much that she’s not here with you right now, as you are missing her and hurting that she’s not here. We can’t give up hope that they’ll find her, sweet girl,” Mrs. Watkins said to my daughter. “Do you want me to make you something to eat?”

“No, thanks, Mrs. Watkins,” Anna said. “I just, I don’t know. I know Mom didn’t cook a lot because we have you to do it, but when she did cook, she was so good at it. Almost as good as you.”

Anna smiled at Mrs. Watkins.

“Oh, I don’t think I’m a better cook than your mother,” Mrs. Watkins said.

“Maybe,” Anna said, a slight smile on her face. “I miss her, Mrs. Watkins. I miss her so much. And I’m scared. It’s almost been a month already. Where is she? Why haven’t we found anything?”

“I don’t know. I pray every day that you get some news. Something good. I pray your mother is safe somewhere. That someone is taking care of her, and maybe they don’t even realize who she is. Maybe she doesn’t remember who she is right now. But I know that if it were within her power, your mother would be fighting her way back to you and your family. You have to have faith,” Mrs. Watkins said.

“We treated her so badly,” Anna said. “We took her for granted, Mrs. Watkins. We let her fade into the background.”

“Your mother knows you love her,” Mrs. Watkins said.

“I don’t know,” Anna said. “I don’t think we showed her that we love her very well lately.”

“A mother always knows that even when it doesn’t look like it, or feel like it, that at the end of the day, their children do love them. It’s normal for kids your age to pull away from their parents. You’re away at school, you’re learning new skills of independence. I can tell you in no uncertain terms, your mother is very, very proud of you and your brother.”

Tears came to my daughter’s eyes.

“What if we don’t get the chance to tell her that we really do love her? What if we don’t get the chance to apologize for turning away from her, from treating her like she didn’t matter?”

“You will get that chance, sweetheart,” Mrs. Watkins said. “No matter what the outcome is, you will get your chance to tell your mother how you feel.”

“I’m so scared she’s…” Anna stopped.

“I understand, baby,” Mrs Watkins interrupted. “I understand. For now, as long as we don’t know for certain, let’s think positively, okay? Let’s have faith we’ll see your mother coming home.”

Anna nodded, a tear tracing its way down her cheek.

I looked at my daughter, at the young woman she was becoming. And the little bit of the baby she had once been. I smiled.

My daughter was truly a beautiful young woman. She may have pushed me away. She might have treated me with less respect or kindness than I would have liked, but I had seen how she treated her friends throughout her years at school. She is a compassionate woman. She never could abide by bullying of or by her peers and stood up for them. She never let anyone feel like they were less than her. She treated everyone in her circle like equals.

It was that behaviour that let me know that some of my lessons seemed to get through to her. She may not have treated me with much kindness, but I knew the people she interacted with she did.

With me, she knew no matter how she behaved, I would always have her back. That I would always be in her corner and I would always be there when she needed me. Or so she had thought.

She knew that no matter how mean or rude or flippant she was towards me, I would always welcome her with a hug and a kind word. She also knew that no one else in the world outside of her family would have the same patience. That she needed to respect others in order to be respected. I had tried to instill in my children that respect is earned and not simply given. Even at a young age I taught her and her brother that while Matthew and I were their parents and deserving of respect just for that reason, we were also required to show the children respect. That they were allowed to express opinions, even if they weren’t in line with ours.

We taught them how to express a differing opinion without being disrespectful. I taught them that their opinions mattered, but more importantly, how they expressed them mattered more.

“You don’t have to agree with everything Daddy and I say,” I remember telling a ten-year-old Anna after an argument about an outfit she had wanted to wear one day that the school had a uniform free day. “But you have to remember that even still, Daddy and I always have your interests and safety in mind. And just because we said no to that skirt, doesn’t mean you can either never wear it, or that your opinion doesn’t count. Masterson has a dress code and that skirt doesn’t meet it. And you know that. Arguing with me and Daddy won’t change the dress code. But you can tell us your feelings without yelling and fighting. You can try to make your case as to why we should let you wear it, and Daddy and I can explain why. But you can’t, and shouldn’t start a conversation by screaming at us about fairness. You didn’t even let us explain why we were saying no. And that doesn’t show us the respect we were trying to show to you.”

So, even as she’d gotten older and pushed back against what she felt were unfair rules and expectations, outside of the house, she listened, explained her side and came to an understanding instead of pushing for her way every time. I knew she would be successful in the future, and because she had learned to show respect for others, I had no doubt she would be respected easily as well.

It saddened me to think that I wouldn’t see the woman she would become. That I would never meet her future husband or wife. Or my future grandchildren. I wouldn’t accompany her looking for wedding dresses. I wouldn’t sit on a football field in May in a couple of years to watch her receive her diploma. I wouldn’t welcome her first child into the world. I wouldn’t get to be her doting mother as she navigated pregnancy and the first crazy months in a baby’s life.

The same with Alex.

I went into his room where he lay in his bed. His eyes were open. He was staring at his phone. I sat down beside him wishing I could run my fingers through his hair like I did when he was little and had trouble sleeping. I could have sat with him for hours just watching him sleep. His features softened when he slept. Even now, at 20, Alex looked so much like the little boy he had been, when he was asleep.

When he had trouble sleeping, or something was troubling him, I would sit with him and run my fingers through his hair while humming lullabies. He would sometimes tell me what was bothering him, or we would talk about his day, and eventually, as I hummed and ran my fingers through his soft hair, he would drift off and the sandman would catch up with him.

He didn’t let me do that as much when he got to high school. I missed it.

I reached out anyway, and tried to run my fingers through his hair. He shivered and sat up.

“Mom?” he asked his empty room. Frowning, he lay back down, put his phone away and tried to sleep.

In the morning, neither of my children looked particularly well rested as they came downstairs, dressed, though they were unlikely to go anywhere. They went into the dining room where Matthew sat sipping on a cup of coffee, a bagel in front of him, untouched. The newspaper was beside him, my picture adorning the front page.

No one spoke. The kids took their seats at the table, took a bagel and some vegetables and put them on their plates. In silence they spread cream cheese onto the bagels and Alex put cucumber slices on his. Anna spread jam over her cream cheese.

Neither of them touched their bagels. They simply sat and stared at them as though, now that they’d dressed them up, they weren’t sure what they were supposed to do with it.

“My stomach hurts,” Anna said, her ever-present tears spilling over.

“Mine too,” Alex said, miserably.

Matthew looked at both our children but didn’t say anything. Not because he didn’t care, but because he didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t make this better for them. He couldn’t give them information he didn’t have. He couldn’t promise them everything would be okay, because he couldn’t know that himself.

The doorbell rang and Matthew got up answer it.

Kieran, Emily and Alecia came in. They had been going back to Kieran and Emily’s at night, but first thing in the morning, they came straight to the house.

“We brought coffee,” Kieran said, showing the cardboard traveller they’d picked up from one of the many coffee places between our house and theirs.

“Thanks, Kieran,” Matthew said.

They’d managed to forge some sort of peace between the two of them. Kieran stopped being angry that Matthew had waited so long to get the police involved, once they’d had a chance to discuss what had happened and why he, Matthew, had waited. Now they were together in their feelings of misery and unknowing.

Matthew’s parents came in a while later, carrying bags from my favourite bakery.

“I don’t even know why we stopped there,” Rachel said. “We’ve never been there. But it’s cute. So we picked up some pastries.”

“That’s Mom’s favourite bakery,” Anna said. “She sent me pictures from there once. They make really cute latte art.”

Again, a tear from Anna’s eye.

“She wanted to take me there the week we got home from school. I kept putting it off.”

Alex put his arm around his sister.

The doorbell rang again.

“Now who?” Matthew frowned. He got up again and went to the door. It was Officer Shelton.

“Matthew,” he said, as he came to the door. His face was grim.

“Aaron,” Matthew said. “Do you have news?”

Officer Shelton nodded and asked to come in. Matthew stepped back to let him in and followed him to the dining room. Everyone stopped when he walked into the room.

“Good morning,” he said to my family. No one moved. No one said anything. No one breathed. “How are you all holding up?

Everyone shrugged and murmured some variation of ‘okay’.

“So, I have some news, but I have to preface it by saying that the news I have may actually not be anything. But it’s the first thing we’ve come across that could potentially be a lead,” Aaron Shelton said. “I don’t want to get your hopes up but I wanted to let you know where things stand right now.”

“I don’t know if I want to hear what you have to say,” David said.

“Well, it isn’t bad news. And like I said, it could turn out to be nothing. But last night the searchers found a cell phone. It was cracked and broken and looked like it may have been burned. We’ve got it at the lab now and our guys are going to try and see if they can salvage anything off of it.”

“Could it be Mom’s phone?” Anna asked.

“We don’t know, which is why I wanted to emphasize that it could turn out to be nothing. It could be a phone someone lost or dumped or was stolen. It could have been in the area of the fire and an animal could have moved it. It could have been in an unrelated fire and dumped or something. But I wanted you to know that we found a phone and that we’re doing our best to see if it was Amelia’s.”

“Thank you,” Matthew said. “Do you want any coffee or something to eat? We have so much food. Our neighbours keep sending in meals.”

“I wouldn’t mind a coffee. Maybe a bagel?” Officer Shelton said.

Mrs. Watkins brought him a cup and a plate and helped him serve himself.

Chapter 21

Present

The cadaver dog sat and let out a single bark. The police and volunteers stopped where they were and search and rescue, along with police and forensic officers approached the dog who sat still where it had come across what it had alerted the searchers to.

In a small grove of trees, just beyond where the fire had started three and a half weeks ago, the dog had come across the coyote’s snack.

The humans had scared the coyote off as they had gotten closer with their searching. It hadn’t been back in the area for a couple of days. The cadaver dogs could smell the coyote’s scent, but beneath that, this one had also smelled the unmistakeable odor of human remains.

The searchers walked into the low brush and the dog sniffed around and circled around its find.

Forensic officers were called. Paramedics were called. Not because there was a life to save, but because they had the equipment needed to remove the remains the dog had found. The coroner’s office was called and a team was sent out. The volunteers were sent home for the day.

News vans came to the area where the broken barrier had been. The highway services had repaired and replaced it once the investigation into the fire had been completed.

There was no way to identify the remains on the scene. There was too much damage. They had been out in the elements for too long to make any sort of positive identification on visualization. They would have to be transported to the coroner’s offices where the medical examiner could try to make some identification, hopefully through dental records.

From what the examiners at the scene, what the search teams could see, the body had been burned in the fire that had been started after Founder’s Day. There was little flesh left on the bones, and the face had been burned beyond recognition. Animals had been making a meal of what flesh they could find. There were no fingerprints that would be of any use. One shoe, burned and melted to the foot, remained attached. It had been a Converse sneaker.

Forensic examiners and search and rescue teams would return in the coming days to search for missing pieces of the remains. The left hand and the right foot were both missing from the scene where the remains had been found.

My family sat in rapt attention at the newscast that evening.

“Searchers on the line looking for missing Renfrew woman, the wife of Davenport Industries’ President and CEO Matthew Davenport, Amelia Davenport, who has been missing since the evening of the Founder’s Day fireworks were alerted by one of their search animals to human remains found a mile past the site of the crash where Amelia Davenport’s car was initially found.

Police and forensic investigators on the scene have not been able to determine the identity of the person. The remains had been out in the elements for some time, and seem to have been there when the brush fire that closed down the 410 highway occurred, based on the state of the remains.

Police won’t speculate on the identity of the remains and ask that no one else speculate until the body can be positively identified and the next of kin can be informed.

Volunteers who had been spending hours a day combing through the thick, dry brush along the highway were sent home and the coroner’s office sent in a team to remove the remains to the coroner’s office for medical examination.

This is a developing story and we will keep you updated as more information becomes available.”

Matthew muted the TV and put his face in his hands. No one spoke a word. No one dared to break the silence that had come over the room. No one wanted to say out loud what they were all thinking. What they were all wondering.

Were the remains they found me? Had they finally found out where I had gone and what had happened? Or had someone else met a sad end and would that mean they were still no closer to finding out what had happened to me? I wouldn’t have blamed my family if they were thinking that in a way they hoped it was my body they had found. I wouldn’t want to live in the limbo of wondering where someone in my family was. I would want closure. I would want to know if it was time to mourn or time to celebrate. I had always been curious and I had always hated not knowing. So I absolutely wouldn’t mind if they were quietly hoping that they had an answer – whether it was the one they wanted or not. In three and a half weeks there had been so few answers, my family was exhausted.

Anna got up and went outside. No one followed her until they heard a splash from the pool. Matthew, Alex, his parents and Kieran jumped up and ran outside. Alecia and Emily were back at Kieran and Emily’s place. Emily hadn’t been feeling well and they didn’t want her to stay home alone. So they’d been keeping in touch all day through text and the phone, video calls and messages.

“Anna!” Alex said, running towards the pool. Anna was floating in the pool, fully dressed, on her back. “What are you doing?”

“I was going to swim. I was going to do some lengths. But I dove in and now all I want to do is float.”

“Anna, sweetheart, are you alright?” Matthew asked, coming up beside Alex.

Anna was silent for a second before, in a shaky voice, she said:

“No. I’m scared that they found Mom. And I’m scared that for a minute, I was happy that the body they found might be Mom. Not because I’m happy Mom’s gone. I’m not. I want her back. But it would finally be an answer. I hate this not knowing. I hate that there aren’t any answers yet. I hate that all we know is her car crashed and she wasn’t in it when it caught fire. Because we don’t know that she wasn’t near it.”

Alex sat down at the pool edge and watched his sister floating in the pool, her shirt billowing around her.

My mother-in-law went back into the house for a moment and returned with a large towel.

“Anna, sweetie, come on out of there,” Rachel said to my daughter. “Let’s get you dried off, huh? I’ll have Mrs. Watkins make you something warm to eat or drink.”

Anna began laughing and Alex looked up at his father, wondering if his sister had lost her mind.

“Anna?” he asked.

“Oh, Alex, don’t you see? Don’t you see how funny this is? Mom’s missing. Mom might be dead, and Gramma is concerned about me being wet or cold. Or both. Like a dry towel and a cup of coffee or tea or a bowl of soup will make everything right again,” Anna said through her laughter.

“She’s lost her damned mind,” Alex said.

“No I haven’t, Alex. I haven’t lost my mind. I just can’t cry anymore. I think I’m out of tears. It’s just, it’s crazy that we’re sitting here worrying about dry clothes or being warm and Mom’s been missing for almost a month. She could be out there somewhere cold and scared. And here Gramma’s worried I might get cold from being in our pool. I’m sorry, Gramma. I’m not trying to sound like you don’t care. I just…”

Anna began sobbing. Alex pulled off his sneakers and socks and put his phone beside them before slipping into the pool and grabbing his sister into his arms. She clung to him as she sobbed. He clutched her as tears began flowing out of his eyes. I stood by the side of the pool watching my children cry in each others arms. My husband stood by, his parents near him, my brother standing just slightly apart from them, no one knowing what to say or do as the two young adults sobbed.

Finally, their tears slowed enough that Rachel and Matthew were able to coax them out of the pool. David had gone inside to get Alex a towel when he’d slipped in to comfort his sister.

Rachel and Kieran went upstairs with the twins and helped them get changed into dry clothes. Anna couldn’t stop shivering, even with warm and dry clothes on. Rachel wrapped her in her housecoat and found fluffy, warm socks in Anna’s dresser and put them on her feet. She led my daughter downstairs, wrapped her in a blanket and deposited her on the couch. She asked Mrs. Watkins to make Anna and Alex some hot chocolate. She went into the kitchen and got a big pot going for everyone to have.

Emily and Alecia came up to the house an hour later, after Kieran texted them to tell them how the kids were reacting. The entire family was going to stay together until they heard one way or the other who the remains that had been found belonged to.

Alex and Anna slept in Anna’s room together with Kieran, Emily and Alecia. Anna gave Emily her bed, and slept on the plush carpet of her room with Alecia, Kieran and Alex.

Matthew slept in the blue guest room.

My inlaws slept in the other guest room.

No one slept in the master bedroom. Even when Matthew offered it to his parents, and then to Emily. No one wanted to take my place in any sense of the word.

They kept this up for three days until Officer Shelton came to the door, his face grim, more grim than when they had found the phone. He sat my family down in the living room.

“So, we were able to get some information from the cell phone and though there was a lot of damage, we were able to find the identification number of the phone, as well as some call logs.

It’s Amelia’s phone. The identification and serial numbers match the ones on your account, and the last outgoing call that was logged was Founder’s Day at 10:13 at night.”

“I already had a feeling that’s what you were going to tell us,” Matthew said. “So we know her phone was in the fire. What about the remains you found?”

Officer Shelton lowered his head. He hated having to tell my family this news.

“The remains were positively identified through dental records as belonging to your wife. I am so, so sorry to be bringing you this news.”

Anna turned to her brother and wept. Alex sat stoic, his face showing no emotion while tears streamed down his face. Matthew got up, ran into the backyard, threw up and then screamed, dropping to his knees. I went to him and knelt beside him.

“Why? Why Amelia? I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have made you go get that stupid drink! I should have told the kids that they had all day to get it and that they should have been the ones to go get it. I shouldn’t have blamed you for forgetting it! You’d gotten everything else together! I killed you!”

“It was an accident, Matthew,” I said. “It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t kill me. The accident did. You couldn’t have known what was going to happen.”

I put my hand on his back and patted him three times. His head shot up.

“Amelia?” he asked the sky. He looked around. If he could see me, he would be staring right into my eyes. “Amelia.”

—

“Police have positively identified the remains found by one of their search animals last week. The remains were identified through dental records to be missing Renfrew woman Amelia Davenport, who went missing on Founder’s Day. Amelia was the wife of Davenport Industries President and CEO Matthew Davenport,.

Details are still a little sketchy as the medical examiner and forensic experts try to piece together the events that led to the woman’s death.

So far as they have been able to determine that Mrs. Davenport’s car was forced off the road while she was navigating around a recent accident on the road ahead. How she was forced off the road, by what mechanism, remains unclear, but what is clear is that her car went through the barrier and rolled down the embankment, coming to rest against a tree. Amelia somehow managed to pull herself out of the wreckage, sustaining deep lacerations to her leg. Blood on the glass of the sunroof was eventually determined to belong to the missing woman.

What is still unclear is how her remains managed to get almost a mile away from the crash site, but the current belief is that her body was near her car when the fire started, and a combination of the force of the water from firefighters hoses and then animals looking for food dragged the woman’s body away from the site to the small copse of trees and bush she was ultimately found in.

I’m sure I speak for all our viewers when I extend our most heartfelt sympathies and condolences to the Davenport family.

Amelia Davenport leaves behind her husband Matthew, her two children, Anna and Alexander Davenport, both 20, her brother Kieran Wilson and his wife Emily Wilson, and a sister, Alecia Wilson. Also bereaved are Mrs. Davenport’s in-laws, David and Rachel Davenport. Amelia is predeceased by her mother, Colette Wilson.”

—-

Remains Found Near Crash Site Identified as Missing Renfrew Woman

A tragic end to a tragic story. A life cut short.

Amelia Davenport went missing on Founder’s Day.

Believing his wife was upset about a recent spat, and was taking time to calm down, it was four days before her husband, Matthew Davenport, the President and CEO of Davenport Industries, declared her missing.

Three and a half weeks after she was last seen, leaving the family’s Renfrew area home to run an errand, her remains were found about a mile away from where her car was found.

The state of the remains indicate that if Mrs. Davenport survived the crash, and evidence suggests she might have, she likely didn’t survive for long and likely succumbed to her injuries before she could call for help.

A fire started by a discarded cigarette and accelerated by gas that had leaked from the deceased woman’s damaged car also consumed the woman’s remains before animals dragged the body into the brush.

A positive identification of Amelia’s remains was made through dental records.

The family asks for privacy at this time.

—

ANNOUNCEMENT

Davenport Industries

The Davenport family is saddened to announce the death of our President’s wife, Amelia Davenport, who employees will remember was declared missing after Founder’s Day.

Amelia’s remains were found among some bushes not far from where her car had been found earlier.

This news ends what was a three and a half week search for Amelia. While it brings closure to the family and our company, it is obviously not the outcome we had all hoped for.

Davenport Industries sends its most heartfelt condolences to our President and his family at this difficult time.

Information about funeral arrangements will be forthcoming in the next few days. A book of condolences has been placed in Boardroom A for anyone who would like to send the family a message of condolence.

Flags on all Davenport properties will be flown at half mast.

Any employees who feel the need for extra support coming to terms with this news are encouraged to access our Employee Assistance Program, or speak to Erin in HR and arrangements will be made with all confidentiality maintained.

Davenport Industries will miss Amelia, and joins the family in their grief.

Epilogue

Matthew and the children decided to hold a memorial at the house, in the backyard. To accommodate the people who they expected to come, Matthew had a small platform constructed over the pool in order to make more room for seating.

My remains were still with the coroner’s office as they tried to determine what happened to the best of their ability. Matthew had asked that they cremate my remains once they had concluded their investigation and he would come to collect them.

I think even the family was surprised by the number of people who came to the memorial. They hadn’t realized that even though I ‘didn’t do anything’ I clearly touched people I met.

My classmates from the art studio came. The women in my book club came. The owner of the bakery Rachel had stopped at earlier in the week came. Some of my fellow volunteers from the hospital came. Several of the volunteers who had helped in the search for me came. The children’s friends and their parents came. The staff at Davenport Industries came.

Unsurprisingly, Seline was there. She came dressed in a black suit jacket and skirt, with a cream coloured blouse underneath and understated shoes. I was actually pretty impressed with how well put-together she looked. She didn’t look like she was trying to vie for anyone’s husband. Nothing was hanging out where it shouldn’t. She looked refined and sombre, as one should.

Seline approached Matthew and the kids, hugged them all, offered words of condolence, said hello to my brother, sister and sister-in-law, and then, with her son, took a seat behind my family. She didn’t sit in the empty seat beside Matthew, where he had hoped his brother might sit, if he’d made it back. David and Rachel hadn’t been able to get in touch with him, so he didn’t even know I was gone.

Matthew stood at the lectern that he’d borrowed from the office. He’d covered the company logo with indigo cloth.

“I really wish I wasn’t standing here, before all of you today,” he started. “I wish that instead of standing here eulogizing my wife, we were instead celebrating her safe return. I wish my children didn’t have to feel this pain right now. I wish I was planning a vacation with Amelia instead of her final resting place.

Amelia and I met in college. She was in my business law class and became my tutor. I think that’s when I fell in love with her. As she sat beside me, wearing sweatpants and hoodies, her hair tied up in a messy bun or ponytail, as she patiently explained the intricacies of business law that seemed to come so easily to her and just didn’t want to untangle themselves in my brain. Amelia had a way of explaining them so they made sense. I often credited her with getting me through that course.

I followed her career after we graduated and she went to law school. Once she had graduated and had installed herself in the law firm Hoffman, Givens and Pratt, I made an appointment for a consultation, telling her secretary to only put my last initial – D – in the schedule. I didn’t need a consultation. I wanted a date. And I knew I could get her undivided attention that way. And in case any of you are wondering; no. She did not wind up billing me for that ‘consultation’.”

A few people chuckled quietly. Alex and Anna smiled ever so slightly.

“Amelia was an amazing woman. She was a fantastic mother to our twins, Alex and Anna. I know that Amelia would have done everything she could to get home to us. Based on what we do know, she was able to get herself out and away from her car when it crashed, but what happened after that, we aren’t so clear about. I have no doubt she was trying to get help. To get home.

No marriage is perfect and ours weathered its fair share of trials and tribulations. Amelia handled herself with such grace and poise. Even when I was blind to how she was treated, how she might be feeling, she was always the epitome of grace.

We truly didn’t deserve her. She deserved so much better than we ultimately gave her.

I know the kids and I will carry on. We’ll get through this. We’ll learn to live without Amelia. We’ll navigate this new world we’ve been forced into. But we will always, always feel the hole Amelia is leaving behind. No one can ever fill the space Amelia left. But I know we’ll learn to cope. We’ll take the lessons we’ve learned both from her life and her death and we’ll come out on the other side.

Sleep well, my sweet angel. I’m sorry I wasn’t a better husband to you. I’m sorry I didn’t cherish you as much as you deserved. Wait for me and I’ll see you someday in the future.”

Matthew’s voice cracked and tears flooded his eyes. He stepped back from the lectern and sat beside Anna who immediately hugged him and wrapped her arms around his arm, her head on his shoulder.

Alex looked at his father who nodded at him and squeezed his shoulder. Alex stood up and approached the lectern. He stood silently for a couple of minutes, just breathing deeply and trying to maintain some composure.

“Anna and I worked together on this eulogy, but neither of us knew if we’d have the strength to actually stand here and talk to you all about our mom. Neither of us really wanted to. I guess I lost the coin toss.

There are some basic things about Mom that some people may not have known.

Her favourite colour is indigo blue.

She wasn’t very tall but if you got her really angry, or if she thought me or Anna were in any danger, you wouldn’t know it.

She loved music and usually had a radio or a playlist on all the time.

She could cook really well and probably could have put some professional chefs to shame. You’d be surprised with some of the things she could, and did, cook. I know I was.”

He paused and took a deep breath.

“She was smart. A lot smarter than I think I ever gave her credit for. When we were talking about her during the time she was missing, my dad told me something I never knew and I wish I did at the time.

My mom wrote a book. A law textbook that I used in high school. She never said anything and when she tried to help me study, I told her she didn’t know what she was talking about. I had no idea she had written the actual book I was using. She did know what she was talking about.

Mom was a reader, too. She read so much and she would send Anna her reviews of the books she read that she thought Anna might like.

Mom told us everything. She sent pages of texts and emails telling us about her art classes and stuff. She started to follow baseball and hockey, just to have something to write to me about.

I wish we had more time with her. I wish we had learned some of these things while she was still alive. I wish I could tell her that the water colour painting she sent me a picture of, the one hanging in the living room that shows two little kids on a beach, I wish I could tell her how beautiful it is and how great of an artist she actually was.

In the text she sent with a picture of the painting, she said ‘I may not be Andy Warhol or Frieda Kahlo, but I’m pretty proud of it.’

Mom, if you can hear me, I’m proud of you, too. And I’m sorry. I’m going to do things and make you proud. Pinky, pinky high five promise.”

I smiled as my son, sobbing, sat down beside his dad, who wrapped his arm around our son and pulled him close.

My brother stood up, squeezed Alex’s shoulder as he crossed to the lectern.

“Most of you don’t know me. My name is Kieran Wilson and I’m Amelia’s baby brother. I’m the middle child so you know I’m trouble,”

Polite laughter followed.

“Amelia and I have a baby sister, Alecia, who is sitting with my wife Emily. Emily is pregnant and we were both so excited for Amelia to become an aunt. This kid won’t know what they’re missing. But I guarantee, we will tell him or her about their aunt, who was so excited to meet them.

I was 8 when Amelia left for university and even though she lived on campus all four years and then in law school, I never really had a chance to miss her. She came home every time she was able to, and would call or email us all the time. She was always there for us.

Even if she had exams, if Alecia or I needed to talk to her, if we needed advice, Amelia always made time for us. She was so much more than my big sister. She was truly one of my best friends. She is so missed.

Amelia, take care of Mom, okay? Tell her we say hi.”

Kieran was looking at the sky as he spoke. An Indigo Bunting – a little bird flew overhead. Kieran smiled.

“Thanks, sis.”

Amelia Colette Wilson was born at 7:59 am on October 17th. She was five pounds four ounces and 18 inches long. She had a set of lungs on her to rival Pavarotti.

She shared not just her name with her late aunt, but also her birthday. Though Amelia Wilson’s aunt was born at 12:15 pm, interrupting her own mother’s lunch time, as Colette liked to joke.

Though they were the blue-grey that’s typical at birth, little Amelia’s eyes would change to a deep indigo blue that her Uncle Matthew would always tell her was late aunt’s favourite colour.

The day Amelia Wilson was born, I looked into her eyes while she lay in her little cot beside my sister-in-law. She was fussing just a little, trying to figure out what had just happened. I smiled down at her and ran my finger from her forehead to her little button nose. She calmed immediately and stared back at me.

“You be good people, Amelia. You work hard and remember to always be kind. Remember respect is earned, not a right. Expect to be treated with respect, but also remember to show respect. Don’t argue with your mom and dad too much, okay? Your dad is a pretty smart guy so listen to him. Never be afraid to state your opinion but always state it with respect. And be willing to alter or change your opinion if you learn new information. Question everything. But again, with respect. Be open to new ideas but make sure you verify their veracity. Don’t just believe things because everyone else does. Look into things. Research. Question. If you don’t agree with an answer, get a second opinion. And maybe even a third. Be nice to your Uncle Matthew and your older cousins, Alex and Anna, okay? They miss your aunt very much, so help them heal. And never ever let anyone tell you that you can’t. Not because you’re a girl. Not because you’re too small or any of the thousands of excuses people use to exclude others. If there’s a good reason that you’re unable to join that is legal or safety related, see if you can find a way that you can. Only take no for an answer when it makes sense. And be kind, always. And most importantly, remember to be a kid while you’re a kid, and keep some of that kid in you when you grow up. Life doesn’t always have to be serious.

And never let anyone make you feel like you don’t matter.”

Amelia blinked at me. Kieran and Emily watched in stunned silence. I went around the bassinet and kissed Emily on the cheek. She shivered and touched her cheek..

“She’s beautiful Emily. Just like her Mama. Be good to her,” I said.

I kissed Kieran on the cheek. He also shivered and touched his cheek.

“She looks like Mom, Kee. She’s gonna make you proud. Be good to your girls, huh?”

Kieran and Emily looked at each other and then over at Amelia who was looking around as though she was looking for someone.

Matthew was sitting on a sofa in an office, his hands in his hair and his elbows on his knees. He looked up at the man across from him.

“It’s her birthday today, and her brother’s wife just had their baby. They named her after my wife and her mother. She died six year ago or so. A stroke.”

“How are you feeling about that? That your niece was born on your late wife’s birthday and carries her name?”

“Honestly, I would have expected no less from Amelia’s brother. So in that regard, I’m really only surprised at the incredible coincidence that she was born today,” Matthew said.

“Do you think the baby carrying your late wife’s name will trigger any issues with what we’ve worked on since your wife died?”

“I guess I’ll have to see her and find out. I don’t think so, though. It’s not like she’s replacing my wife. She’s a baby. A whole person unto herself,” Matthew smiled.

He looked better. He’d gained some weight back and had colour in his cheeks again. His eyes were shining more.

He was still on a sabbatical from work. His father approved of his decision, came out of retirement to help out for a while. He renamed Boardroom A the “Amelia Davenport Boardroom.”

“Do you plan to see her?”

“Kieran said I could come by this afternoon. So I’ll swing by the hospital,” Matthew said.

“How is your relationship with your brother-in-law?”

“I wish it hadn’t taken losing Amelia for us to start getting along, but we do. Our relationship is growing. We get together every week or so. He and Emily come up to the house or I go to theirs or we go out for dinner. Sometimes Alecia joins us. Sometimes I’m the third wheel,” Matthew smiled.

“You’re never a third wheel, Matthew. And you are going to love your new niece,” I whispered in his ear.

I kissed his cheek. He shivered and touched his cheek. He looked up at his therapist who was looking back curiously at him.

Despite arguing with Matthew about going back to school versus taking at least the semester off, both kids wound up going back to school in the fall. Matthew felt they needed the stability and the change of scenery.

Alex was sitting in a lecture, taking notes and trying to concentrate. His laptop was open and he was typing furiously. I looked down at the lecturer and smiled. My old law professor had moved to become Professor Emeritus at Yale. And he was teaching my son.

Jason had called Matthew out on the first day of classes and asked him to stay behind a minute after the lecture. His classmates looked at him curiously. Who was this guy that the professor already knew on the first day?

After the lecture, when the rest of the students had filed out, and Jason dismissed his TAs, he asked Alex to come down from where he was sitting. Alex came to the front of the lecture hall, still unsure why his professor, whom he’d never met, had asked him to stay behind.

“Alexander Davenport. Your mom wouldn’t be Amelia Davenport, would she?”

“Professor Anderson,” Alex said. “She was. She, she died over the summer.”

“I heard. My condolences. Your mother was a smart woman. I hope you find my course just as challenging and fulfilling as she did. I don’t want to put expectations on you to match up or outshine your mother. But you’re taking my class and I expect you have some brains, since you got into Yale. I expect you to do your best. And feel free to come to me if you have any problems with the coursework. I owe your mom a lot of favours, so feel free. Okay?”

Alex nodded.

And now he was sitting in the class my professor taught me, and raised his hand to answer a question.

“Yes, Mr. Davenport,” Jason smiled.

Alex answered the question Jason had posed and gave his reasoning in a succinct but thorough way leaving very little room for debate.

Jason smiled broadly at Alex. He looked at my son trying to challenge his answer.

I kissed Alex on the cheek.

He shivered and touched his cheek. Jason raised his eyebrow.

“Are you alright, Mr. Davenport?”

Alex smiled at Jason.

“Yeah,” he said, letting out a deep breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding since July. “Yeah. I’m okay. Sorry, just a weird, I dunno. I’m fine. Sorry. You were saying?”

“I was trying to find a hole in your reasoning. But I can’t. Keep this up, and you could write the textbook,” Jason said. Alex blushed. It was Jason’s way of telling Alex he had matched or outshone his mother.

Anna was sitting on the side of the pool at Brown, swinging her legs in the water and just thinking.

Her roommate, Jessie, sat down beside her.

“You ready for tomorrow?” Jessie asked Anna.

“I am,” Anna smiled slightly. “First big meet of the season.”

“You seem, I don’t know, kind of distracted? Out of it. Are you okay?”

Anna sighed.

“My mom died this summer,” Anna said. “And even though she wouldn’t be here for the meet anyway, she would have texted me to tell me good luck and then would have texted after the meet to see how it went. And she won’t do that this year. Or ever.”

“Oh. Anna, I didn’t know your mom died. Why didn’t you say anything?”

Anna shrugged.

“I didn’t want people to know, really. I didn’t want to be the kid whose mom died so ‘show pity’.”

“I get that, but Anna, we’re your friends. We would have been here for you when we got back. I’m so sorry, Anna. Can I ask what happened?”

“She was in a car accident,” Anna said. She didn’t elaborate.

“Oh. I’m so sorry. That’s so horrible. Oh, Anna,” Jessie said, putting her arm around Anna.

“You should tell Coach. I bet she’ll let you sit this one out.”

“No. I need this. I need to get back to things to keep me distracted and focus on good things. My mom wouldn’t want me to stop living,” Anna said. I smiled. She had listened to me.

I kissed her cheek

Anna shivered and touched her cheek.

“I am so, so proud of you, baby girl,” I said. “My Anna Banana. Swim your heart out tomorrow. Good luck. I love you.”

“Anna? Are you okay?” Jessie asked. Anna had gone slightly pale and then her cheeks had flushed.

“Yeah,” Anna smiled. “Yeah, I’m okay. Really. I am really okay.”

I smiled. It was going to take time but my family would weather this storm. They were already getting over the worst of their grief. They were starting to get back into life and navigating their new normal.

“Your husband named a boardroom after me,” I smiled at Rachel as I approached her. Rachel had joined my mother and I earlier in October when she’d had a stroke. Losing his mother so soon after losing me was hard on Matthew and the kids. But they were healing. They had each other.

“I saw that,” she smiled at me. “He really loved you. I did too. I do. I’m sorry I didn’t show it,” Rachel said to me.

“It’s about time you realized my daughter is a good person,” my mom said.

“Shut up, Colette,” Rachel smirked at my mother.

“You shut up, Rachel,” my mother smirked back.

“If I have to listen to the two of you bicker like this for eternity, then what major faux pas did I commit? Because that would be hell, listening to you two for all eternity,” I groaned.

My mother and Rachel looked at each other.

“Shut up Amelia,” they laughed.

Dear god.

I smiled.

---

Amelia (Wilson) Davenport

Loving wife, mother, daughter and friend

“Pinky, pinky high five promise”

End.