Chapter 11

I carefully taped a sprig of mistletoe to the red, white and green streamers over the main hall doorway and climbed down from the ladder. Checking that the placement of the plant was perfectly centered, because I’m slightly OCD like that, I nodded and smiled as I imagined all of the couples throughout the night that would enjoy kisses under it.

“That looks good,” Rachael confirmed, passing by as she took a platter of chicken biscuits out to the dining room. Assessing the table set up, she finally decided to place them next to the charcuterie boards on the end where the lineup to make a plate would start. I came and stood beside her, both of us admiring our handiwork and nodding in silent agreement that we had enough food, drink, and desserts to feed half of Westbrook.

It was the first Saturday in December, and my family was hosting our annual “Friendsmas” party where we each invited our closest friends, as well as some family, to officially kick off the holiday season with us. My mom was that person who liked to put up the Christmas tree and decorations as soon as we finished our Thanksgiving meal and returned from the post-meal walk. My siblings typically invited their best friends and whomever they happen to be dating. Every year I invited Rachael and Adam, and extended my guest list this year to include Ethan, Dinette (because he would bring her anyway and I also did not want another locker confrontation), and Robin. Rachael invited Drew. All had said they would be here.

Co-hosting this yearly gathering always took a little out of me; not only was I not Martha Stewart, it set me a little on edge to have so many people in our home. After all of the work I’ve done on myself, I could go to parties and events and other people’s homes and be okay, as long as I didn’t have to stay too long, but it made me a bit anxious to have my personal space breeched except by those I trusted.

Rachael and I did a final fit check in my room before going downstairs to help greet guests as they arrived. She wore an extremely flattering off-the-shoulder emerald green sweater with black leggings and boots. I chose a faux-cashmere red sweater set with a V-neck bow back and matching skirt, and my favorite black dressy ballerina flats with ankle straps. Very opposite looks but complimentary of each other all the same.

“We clean up pretty good,” Rachael commented as we finished our makeup and hair.

“At least we won’t scare anyone off,” I nodded solemnly in agreement.

The front door was unlocked at 6PM and the first of my parents’ guests arrived shortly afterwards. By 8:30PM, the house had a healthy crowd. Most of the food had been demolished, holiday games had been played, and factions were separating off to various corners of the house. My brother and his friends were setting everything up in the bonus room to play on the PS-5, while my parents and some of their musician friends tested out the sound system in the music room for the imminent jam session. My sister and her four friends headed upstairs to her room.

“Why don’t we go down to the fire pit?” Rachael suggested. We typically did that each year, so this was not really a new suggestion and just her way of saying that it’s time to go. I could tell that she was ready to relax with a drink and smoke.

“I’m in favor!” Adam hopped up immediately and headed towards the mudroom. “Hang on a sec, I’ll get the blankets…and other things we’ll need.”

“I’m gonna hit the head before we go,” Ethan announced, excusing himself.

Robin turned to me, looking disappointed.

“I have to go,” he said sadly. “My parents are having a party tonight, too, and I promised that I would make an appearance before it’s over.”

“Aww, okay.” I frowned and pouted in a way that I hoped looked cute and not deranged. “I’m so glad you were here tonight, I hope you had fun?”

“I had a great time…I’m really glad you invited me, thank you.”

“Go on down,” I told the others once Adam returned. “I’ll be there in a minute, I’m walking Robin out.”

“Cool. Later, dude.” Adam grinned at Robin as he shifted several blankets under his arm so he could also pick up the 24-pack that he took from the refrigerator. “Too bad you can’t stay, maybe next time.”

I took Robin’s hand as we made our way to the front door. He squeezed it happily.

“Hey, look.” He said, stopping suddenly. “Mistletoe.”

I had completely forgotten it was there and looked up. Sure enough, we were directly under the bunch that I had hung in the main hallway. I looked back at Robin and he gave me a big smile.

“Is it ok for me to kiss you?”

“I’d be mad if you didn’t,” I said with a laugh.

The jury was still out on where this thing we had between us was going; we texted outside of school almost every night and had been on a few more dates over the past couple of months. He told me early on that he felt very strongly about taking our time to really get to know each other before going to the next level, and I was completely fine with that for a multitude of reasons. Like everything else that I was a late bloomer about, I’d never been in a relationship before and wasn’t exactly sure that I was “ready” for one or what that would even look like.

Also rolling around in the back of my head was my secret crush on Ethan. I was willing to internally acknowledge that now, even if I refused to admit it to Rachael or anyone else, and I didn’t think it was right to commit to someone while I was thinking about someone else. I hoped that by the time Robin approached the subject of becoming his girlfriend – and I knew it was coming at some point based on our current trajectory – I would be over the feeling I got whenever I looked at Ethan.

Because there were so many people milling around, including my parents, Robin limited the kiss to a quick peck on the cheek. He never pushed things physically and I didn’t know if it was because he was taking my cues or if this was all part of his organic pace, which again was totally fine either way.

“I’ll text you later,” He promised, giving me a hug before slipping out the front door.

I smiled to myself as I wandered onto the back deck after he left. Robin was such a walking contradiction; on one hand, he did scary things and pushed himself and his body in ways that were very foreign and exciting to me. On the flip side, he was very wholesome and respectful and all the things that would make a girl feel loved and safe. He certainly wasn’t a fuckboy like so many of the guys at our school who took pride in having a high body count, and that was refreshing.

Leaning against the deck railing, I inhaled the crisp air as I looked out over the gardens and admired the clear sky. It was getting chilly. The night had gone really well so far and I loved how everyone got along. Adam had cut up as usual, Dinette clung to Ethan but was actually pleasant, and even he seemed to be enjoying himself although quiet, as usual. Nights like this felt so perfect.

“Is it ok to join you?”

I looked over my shoulder to see Ethan standing there, holding two beers. He held one out to me, a grin on his face.

“Thanks,” I said, gratefully taking it. My parents didn’t mind us having a drink or two at home after the age of 18. I don’t know if that made them irresponsible or impressively cool, it’s just the way they were. I’m sure they suspected we did things when we went out, but we never formally talked about it with them and the expectation was for us to call them – or an Uber or a sober friend – if we found ourselves too incapacitated to safely drive.

Ethan and I stood together in companionable silence, arms brushing against each other.

“Are you having a good time?” I asked, sipping my beer.

“This has been good.” Ethan nodded, also taking a drink. “You said that your family does this every year?”

“Yep, for as long as we’ve been here. Some of the friends who get invited have changed over the years, except for Rachael. Adam has been coming, too, ever since we met him.”

“I should kick his ass for not telling me about this.”

“Haha, yeah…but now that you know, I expect you to be here!”

“I’m down for that.” Ethan glanced at me. “Except I guess things may look a little different after next year, when you go off to college? The friends will change again.”

“Probably.” I shrugged. “But that’s okay as long as my core people stay the same.”

“Am I included in that core people?” He asked teasingly.

“Only if you can pass the secret initiation.” I lowered my voice conspiratorially. “Can you handle it?”

“I think so, yes.” Ethan said softly, his eyes moving briefly down to my lips at the same time I looked at his…I subconsciously licked my lips and he inhaled sharply.

“Can I kiss you?” He whispered, turning more fully towards me. His eyes searched mine.

“Yes.”

Consent was barely out of my mouth before his lips were on mine. They were so soft and I loved the feel of them. He gave me several small kisses, lingering momentarily before gently nipping at my lower lip. My heart was pounding and a knot was developing in my belly. I wanted more.

The sound of someone clearing their throat made us jump apart. My dad stood there, looking uncomfortable.

“Oh! Dad!” I could feel my face burning.

“Hey, uh, sorry to interrupt.” He cleared his throat again. “Your mom asked me to see if you and your friends needed anything.”

“Oh, no, thanks. Um…” I was flustered. “We’re good. Dad, this is Adam’s brother, Ethan.” My dad nodded, clearly as embarrassed as I was.

“Good to meet you.” He backed away and then turned to head back to the house. “You kids, uh, just let us know if you need anything.”

“Well, I’m sure he hates me now,” Ethan commented wryly, running his hand over his face. We had left the deck and were making our way down through the gardens. The fire pit was down another level close to the woods. My legs were shaking from the adrenaline flowing through me from that very sweet first kiss between us, and also because my dad saw it.

I laughed. “No, he doesn’t…although he’ll tell my mom and she will ask me about it later.”

“Oof…sorry.”

“There you are!” Adam grinned as he lit up. He inhaled deeply and then exhaled the smoke slowly, closing his eyes and leaning back in his Adirondack chair.“I thought we were going to have to send out a search party.”

Ethan shook his head as we settled into our chairs. I noticed that he sat next to me instead of Dinette, for a change, and that made me smile to myself. “Nah, Gia waited for me so I wouldn’t get lost, and then I met her dad.” I was glad for the semi-darkness because I could feel my face was on fire.

“Cool, cool.” Adam extended his blunt to Rachael on his left. “You want?” She nodded and leaned over for a hit as he held it, then sat back while still holding the smoke in her lungs.

“Anyone else?”

“It’s all yours, bro.” Ethan responded. Drew and I shook our heads. Dinette declined as well, polishing off the beer she was drinking. She immediately reached for another, causing me to lift my brow. She’d had at least four in the house. I glanced at Ethan and he was already watching her, frowning.

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” he asked her quietly. Dinette shot him a deadly look.

“Who the fuck are you to tell me what I can and can’t have?” She challenged, her eyes narrowing. Her cheeks burned red and she teetered slightly in her chair.

Oh, shit. This was the other side of Dinette that Adam told me about in connection with her drinking. Ethan sighed and stood.

“And that’s my cue to take you home.” He made his way over to her and tried to take her hand, which she snatched back angrily.

“You can’t make me go!”

“I guaran-fucking-tee you that I can.” Ethan fixed Dinette with a steely look, and I saw her falter. After a silent standoff between the two of them, she muttered resentfully under her breath and fumbled around for her purse.

“Fucking belligerent drunk,” Adam swore under his breath, shaking his head.

“Fuck you, Adam!”

“Okay. That’s enough you two!” Rachael stood up, heated. “Seriously, knock it off!” She looked around at them, a wild look in her eyes, and everyone got quiet. Nobody fucks with her when she’s mad, nobody.

She then fixed her attention on me.

“Gia, I think we should all call it a night,” she said, apologetically. “Everyone has been drinking a lot except you and Ethan, and if he’s going to take Dinette home, we should get a ride. I didn’t come prepared to stay over tonight, unfortunately.” She glanced over at Drew and then back at me, which was her way of telling me that she had planned to spend the night with him. I nodded, agreeing that they should take advantage of the ride. Drew had taken an Uber to my house in preparation for drinking, and I don’t blame him for wanting to save the money where he could.

“Cool beans,” I responded, standing too. “I’m just really glad you all could come.”

We made our way back through the garden and up to the house. Ethan had his arm tightly around Dinette’s waist to keep her from falling, and she quietly giggled every time she stumbled. Adam walked behind them, tight-lipped, carrying the remaining beer. Rachael, Drew and I followed in the rear. She looked over at me a couple of times, shaking her head. I was annoyed, it had been such a nice evening, but I was deeply glad that Ethan took control of the situation before Dinette got completely out of hand.

Walking them out to Ethan’s Jeep, I watched in amusement as they strategized about how to get five people in the two-door, four-person vehicle. The two girls were eventually assigned to the back seat since they didn’t need as much legroom; Drew sat in front with Ethan, and Adam hilariously folded his long frame into the trunk area, grinning as he weaved himself into a semi-pretzel shape. Once he had settled into a position that allowed him to actually breathe, Ethan slammed the door shut and hurried around to the driver’s side.

He leaned across Drew and mouthed, “Sorry, thank you!” at me through the window as he pulled away.

Chapter 12

I shook my head as I looked after them, turning back towards the house. I was pissed that Dinette messed up the vibe, no doubt, but it had been a good night overall. I also couldn’t stop thinking about the way Ethan lightly bit my bottom lip at the end of our kiss. I felt heat building in my lower belly as I allowed myself to replay in my mind how it felt when he did it. I wondered what would have happened had my dad not interrupted but didn’t let myself dive too deeply into that scenario. It made me nervous.

I briefly stopped by my room to change into leggings and an oversized hoodie, then went downstairs to start cleaning up. There were no signs of Reece or Holden or their friends, and I could hear music coming from the music room where my parents were jamming with whatever guests remained. I made quick work of it, dumping paper plates, disposable cups and utensils, and any remaining food that would not make good leftovers. Serving platters and silverware went into the sink, and bottles were collected in the recycling bin. About 45 minutes and 6 trash bags later, I stopped. Pleased with my progress, I was about to retreat to my room when I remembered that we had left the blankets out by the fire pit. I also wanted to make sure the fire was completely out. Sighing, I slipped on my outdoor slides and headed out the back door.

The backyard and firepit were one of my favorite things about our house. Walking down the cobbled stone steps through the gardens and entering the firepit area with the woods just beyond that was always so magical growing up, especially at night. I spent a lot of time out here talking to the animals and looking for fairies when I was younger. I smiled to myself as I grabbed up all the blankets.

“Heads up, I don’t want to scare you.”

“Holy shit!” I spun around, clutching the blankets to my chest, my heart in my throat. “Ethan!”

“Yep.” He gave me an awkward smile. “Sorry, looks like I scared you anyway.”

“What are you doing here?” I asked breathlessly.

“It’s still early … I guess I wasn’t ready to call it a night.”

“Where’s Adam?”

“I dropped him off at another party.”

“Well, um…” I looked around. “I was just straightening up and bringing in the blankets. But I’m down to relight the fire and stay out here a little while longer if you are?”

“Yeah, that would be cool.”

I watched as Ethan threw a couple of fresh logs in the pit with the others, expertly packed it with papers and then lit everything. Within minutes, there was a nice, warm blaze going. I shook out one of the blankets and wrapped it around me as I sat down cross-legged on the two-person Adirondack chair. He wiped his hands on his jeans and, after one more look at the flames, turned to me.

“Mind if I sit next to you?”

“Nope. Sit.” I patted the seat. Reaching into my hoodie pocket, I pulled out the blunt and lighter that Adam had left behind for me.

“I didn’t know you smoked,” Ethan remarked, watching me inhale.

“Only occasionally. You want to hit it?”

“Nope, go for it.”

We sat in companionable silence, listening to the woodland inhabitants that came alive at night. The owls and crickets and frogs joined together in a vocal symphony.

“I love it back here,” I commented, relaxing against the back of the chair.

“It’s so peaceful,” he murmured, looking around with a nod. “I can see why you would want to spend a lot of time out here.”

“Rachael and I camped out here a lot of weekends during middle school, and some of our biggest secrets and dreams were confessed to each other in this space.” I chuckled. “It occurred to me that we should do it again sometime before we leave for college.”

“That would be cool.” Ethan looked over at me curiously. “So, what kind of confessions have you told each other?”

“I can’t tell you that.” I shook my head firmly. “They wouldn’t be a secret anymore.”

“Okay, fair enough. I don’t think I’d want to air out my sordid laundry to someone who is practically a stranger either.”

“Sordid!” I threw back my head and laughed. “It definitely wasn’t that exciting. And you’re not exactly a stranger either.”

“Well, you know what they say…in the absence of information, people make shit up.”

“I guess.” I took another hit and grew thoughtful. “Hey…this may sound crazy but do you remember that getting to know you activity on the first day of Psych?”

“You mean the high school version of speed dating?” We both laughed, thinking about Ms. Lee. “What about it?”

“How about we play right now? Hear me out!” I grabbed his hand as he tried to stand up. “I really, really want to get to know you and I want you to get to know me…seeing that we’re bound by Adam and 6th period, we’re kind of stuck with each other and so we might as well. It could be fun!”

Ethan sat back down.

“How do we do this?” He asked suspiciously.

“More or less the same as in class.” I explained. “Just ask each other questions and wait for the answers. We’ll keep playing as long as there are questions to ask and answer.”

“I hope you ask better questions than you did in class.”

“Funny.” I put out the blunt and turned to face Ethan, excited. “I’ll go first…let’s start off with something easy. What’s your favorite color?”

“Black. I already know yours.”

I lifted an eyebrow, skeptical. “What is it?”

“Pink.”

My eyes widened. “How did you know that?”

Ethan grinned.

“Gia, how could I not? Your bedroom…the hoodie you’re wearing right now…the hair tie you keep on your wrist …everything is pink.”

“Oh wow, I guess you pay attention.” I laughed sheepishly. “Yeah ok, you got it. Ask me something else then, Mr. Smartypants.”

“Ok.” He frowned, deep in thought. “What’s your favorite season?”

“Fall. Yours?”

“Summer.”

I nodded. “If you could go anywhere right now, where would it be?”

“I don’t know.” Ethan shrugged. “Where I am right this minute is pretty good.”

“Ooh, good answer, and ditto.” I chuckled. “Your turn to ask a question.”

“Do you have a favorite sport?”

“I actually like football. I don’t understand all of the rules and I worry about the players getting hurt, but I like it.”

“I’ll teach you the rules one of these days. It’s my favorite too.”

It was getting a little chilly, even with the fire going. I snuggled down into my blanket and Ethan soon grabbed one too. I shifted positions and leaned into him a little, my head on his shoulder. I wanted to turn and sniff him but refrained, knowing he would probably find that weird.

“Dogs or cats?” I asked.

“Dogs.”

“Both equally for me.”

Ethan nodded. “Favorite food? Mine is my mom’s chili.”

“I like Mexican…chicken enchiladas, to be exact.”

“Cool.”

“What’s your favorite date?” I finally asked, feeling uncharacteristically bold.

“I don’t date…a movie, I guess?”

“Yep, dinner and a movie for me. Your turn.”

“I don’t really know what else to ask.” Ethan glanced over at me. “You can ask me more questions though and I’ll answer.”

“Okay…what is your favorite feature on the opposite sex? Mine is eyes.”

“Lips.” He grew still. “I thought of a question.”

“What is it?”

“Can I kiss you again?”

I nodded.

We shifted on the chair to face each other, and I closed my eyes, waiting for the delicious feeling of Ethan’s lips again. I parted mine this time, moaning softly when our tongues intertwined seconds later. He slid his hands down and gently maneuvered me around to straddle his lap. I brought my hands up to hold the sides of his face as the kiss deepened, inhaling sharply as he lightly brushed his thumbs back and forth across my nipples. My knees gripped his hips, and I could feel how hard he was underneath me.

Ethan broke the kiss and brushed his lips against my cheek.

“What excites you?” he whispered in my ear.

“This.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Mmmm…yes.” I nodded, kissing him again. “What excites you?”

“You do. You’re so beautiful, Gia.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.” Ethan inhaled deeply. “You always smell so good, too.”

I giggled appreciatively.

Pulling back, he smiled at me.

“We have to stop though.” He said softly. “Before this gets out of control.”

My eyes searched his, a little disappointed but at the same time knowing he was right. The last thing I needed was my dad or another family member finding us like this. I nodded and slowly got off of Ethan’s lap. He looked as regretful as I felt. We sat side by side in silence for a moment, looking into each other’s eyes.

“Let’s get everything put away out here,” he finally said, caressing my thigh. “And then I’d better go.”

Chapter 13

POV: Ethan

I honestly don’t know why I agreed to go to this fucking New Year’s party. Maybe because everyone had been talking about it since the beginning of the school year, and it would be interesting to see if it lived up to the hype.

I made plans to be the Designated Driver for the night and would be taking Logan, Cameron, and Dinette in my Jeep. Adam, Rachael, and Gia were riding with one of Rachael’s friends who also planned to be a DD for the night.

“If you get into trouble, bro, find me.” I told Adam as we got ready to go our separate ways. I had overheard his conversation with Rachael earlier in the day that the three of them were planning to get absolutely shit-faced before the night was over. That didn’t thrill me, but I knew the last couple of years had been hard for my brother and he needed to have fun. He was older than me by a whopping 3 minutes but I’ve always felt the need to look out for him. I also wasn’t feeling it that Rachael and Gia were planning to heavily partake. Of the two, I thought Rachael could hold her own, but I found myself worrying about Gia. It just didn’t seem right for her to be going somewhere like this and committed to getting fucked up.

Gia. I found myself thinking about her a lot these days…her soft, bouncy brown curls either flowing down her back or bunched up in those pink hair ties that were always on her wrist…the way she scrunched up her nose when she was thinking really hard or how she blushed so easily. How she cared about people. The feel of her soft lips and holding her close when I kissed her on the night of her holiday party, her hazel eyes, her scent, the way her nipples got erect when I touched them…God, I wanted her so much. I was getting hard just thinking about her now.

I needed to take things down several notches before something happened that we both could regret. She was my brother’s best friend, and then there was the Robin situation.

I didn’t know what she saw in that jackass. Well, to be fair, the dude seemed all right and he never did anything to me personally. But Gia liked him, I knew they casually dated at the very least, so I had no choice but to hate him on principle. It was probably better that way for her sake anyway, given my baggage.

I had heard through the grapevine that he wouldn’t be at the party tonight because his ice hockey team was out of town for a competition, and I was glad for that because it was one less thing for me to worry about. I’d seen the way that fucker looked at Gia and just knew that tonight would have been prime timing for him to try to get into her pants, and I wasn’t sure how I would react to seeing that go down right in front of my face.

It was bad enough that I’d lost my shit when I saw them kiss during the beach trip at the beginning of the school year. I was a little surprised she didn’t hate me after the shit I said and how I acted. I did better when I saw them together at the coffeehouse on a date, but it was hard. I cared about her and I was obviously attracted to her, but I was otherwise not exactly sure why I seemed to be having trouble controlling my emotions where she was concerned. It was a new feeling for me and I wasn’t sure what to do with it.

I wore black jeans, a gray long sleeve shirt and my black steel-toe docs, just in case I had to fight. Logan, Cam and I hit a couple of “pre-event” gatherings before picking up Dinette and heading over to Patterson’s house. I allowed myself one beer at the first stop so that I would have a little something on board early but be pretty much sober for the better part of the night.

We pulled up at Patterson’s house around 10:30PM and walked right in. Holy shit, this place was a mansion right out of an architectural magazine, although it was littered with booze bottles and red cups and packed with bodies at the moment. Logan and Cam headed straight for the kitchen to get alcohol as soon as we got into the house. Dinette wanted to stay with me but I insisted that she go hang out with some of the girls she’d met at school. It had been hard convincing her that we didn’t need to be stuck together like glue every single minute of every single day. It just wasn’t healthy. She pouted and stomped off, accepting the red cup someone put into her hand as she went. Great…that was sure to turn into something I would have to deal with later. For the moment, though, I wanted to find my brother and the girls to make sure they were good.

“Hi, Ethan.” I turned around to see Marla Jones, the pretty red head from my AP Geometry class, grinning up at me. She grabbed my arm and leaned her head against my chest.

“You look so good, as always,” she said breathlessly. “I’m so glad you came!” She shifted slightly so that her breast grazed my arm, and I could feel her semi-erect nipple through the thin fabric of her top. She quite possibly wasn’t wearing a bra. “How about we get a couple of drinks in you and then you take me upstairs?”

I smiled politely at Marla, bending down close to her ear.

“No more alcohol for me, I’m a DD tonight, and you look amazing but I’m not taking you upstairs.”

She looked momentarily disappointed but then put on a happy face. “No worries!” she said brightly, squeezing my arm. “Just know that the offer still stands if you change your mind.”

I nodded and watched her walk away. Contrary to how I might appear to people or the reputation of some of the guys I hung out with, I wasn’t a fuckboy. There was absolutely no appeal in that for me.

I wandered from room to room, already bored. The options of drinking games, nude swimming, getting high, and walking up on the occasional couple in various sex acts wasn’t doing it for me. I heard music coming from one side of the house and gravitated in that direction.

And there she was.

Gia, red cup in hand, was in the living room dancing and laughing with a girl that I didn’t know. I inhaled sharply, not expecting the visceral reaction that I would have to seeing her. She wore a tiny beige satin slip dress that plunged in the back and clung to every beautiful curve as she moved. Her dark brown curls bounced wildly around her shoulders and down her back, and I could see the soft golden sparkle of her makeup on her eyes, cheeks and lips. She was practically glowing in the low light and looked so happy and carefree.

I was mesmerized. Several more girls joined her and her dance partner, and they all laughed and swayed together. The usual group of jocks circled them like vultures. I grew concerned as I saw a second and then a third drink being handed to her in the 10 or so minutes that I stood there. She finally excused herself and walked – no, stumbled – towards a door leading to a dark hallway. I pushed off the wall where I had been watching her, thinking that I’d better follow.

She had already disappeared by the time I reached the hallway. I squinted my eyes, adjusting to the dim lighting. I had only taken a couple of steps forward when I heard her voice and followed the sound. Moments later, I heard a male voice and froze. It was coming from the room on the right.

“You look so hot, Gia,” the guy was saying. “Are you sure you don’t want to hook up?”

“No,” came her muffled response. “I don’t want to do that…can you please let me leave?”

“I don’t know, beautiful…if you give me a chance, I think I can show you how much fun we could have.”

“Stop it…please…”

I saw red. Storming up to the door, I tried the knob…it was locked.

“Open this fucking door,” I growled, banging on it loudly. “Now, or I swear to god I’ll break it down!”

I heard frenzied movement and the door knob rattled as it was hastily unlocked. A skinny dude, clearly drunk, opened the door. He had a defiant look on his face until he found himself looking up at me and immediately backed down.

“Sorry, dude, is this your room?”

I body slammed into him, holding him by his shirt so that he couldn’t get away. I looked around the dimly lit room and saw Gia standing off to one side, one arm up across her chest and the other across her lower body, looking down at the floor.

“Gia,” I called to her, my voice hoarse. “Are you ok?” After a moment, she nodded.

“Yes.” Her voice was so soft, I could barely hear her.

“Did this motherfucker hurt you?” She shook her head.

I turned my attention back to the guy, who now looked sober and scared.

“Dude, I didn’t know she was your girl!”

“It doesn’t matter fuck all who she is to me,” I bit out. “She’s clearly drunk. I heard her tell you no and you tried to force the issue.” I got so close in his face, we were practically touching noses. “If you so much as look in her direction again, I will fuck you up. I promise you, I will.” I let him go.

The guy nodded and rushed out of the room. I sighed, running my hand through my hair. I was practically vibrating from the adrenaline. It had been a while since I’d felt that rush. I looked over at Gia.

“Are you ok?” I asked again.

“Yeah.” She stood there still protecting her body. I stepped closer to her but kept a little distance, not knowing exactly what happened and not wanting to further traumatize her.

“Can I touch you?” She nodded and I quickly closed the distance between us, pulling her into my arms. She was shaking. I hugged her to my chest.

“Did he…do anything to you?”

“I was trying to find a bathroom and passed by him in the hall. He smiled at me and I smiled back…I really didn’t think anything about it…next thing I know, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me in here.” She looked down shamefully. “H-he tried to kiss me…and was, like, hugging me and touching my butt, and kind of rubbing himself on me.”

I felt my anger rising again. “Who is he?”

“Steven Akers. He used to go to Westbrook but graduated last year. I think he’s still friends with Phillip.”

I nodded, pulling her closer. I needed to get her out of here.

“Ok. Let’s find you a bathroom and then I’m taking you home.”

“Ok. Ethan?”

“Yeah, babe.”

“I think I’m going to throw up.”

A few minutes later, I found myself sitting on the floor of the master bathroom, rubbing Gia’s back while she vomited into the toilet. I managed to pull the hair tie from her wrist and gathered up her thick mass of curls into a bunch, wrapping the pink band around them best I could to keep them out of her face.

The door opened suddenly and there stood my brother. It took a moment for him to process what he was seeing.

“Bro…” Adam looked from Gia to me. “What happened?”

“She’s all right. Drank too much, and then I walked up on some motherfucker apparently trying to assault her–”

Adam went rigid and his green eyes narrowed dangerously.

“What?”

“Nothing happened,” I reassured him. “I had a little talk with him. Dude got the message loud and clear.”

Adam relaxed and nodded, running a hand through his hair. “Ok.”

I studied my brother’s face. “Are you okay, Bro? Has Rachael been with you?”

He suddenly broke out into a crazy grin. “Yeah, we’re having a great time!”

“Where is she?”

“In the living room waiting for me. We’re taking a self-guided tour of this fucking palace. I needed to take piss but I guess it won’t be in here.” Adam looked down at Gia, who was still hurling.

“You taking her home?”

“Yeah, as soon as we’re done here.” I smiled, rubbing her back.

“You like her.” It wasn’t a question.

“I don’t know what I feel,” I admitted, looking up at him.

“Bullshit!” Adam laughed as he backed out of the doorway. “I think her brother is at home. If not, text me and I’ll send the codes to get into her house.”

“Got it.”

“I’ll see you later, bro. Happy New Year.”

It was a few more minutes before Gia finally pulled her head away from the bowl and sat back on her heels. She looked at me, bleary-eyed, and wiped her mouth on the towel I handed her.

“Ethan?”

“Yeah, Gia, it’s me. I’m going to take you home.”

Her eyes closed suddenly and I caught her as she slumped over. I panicked for a second, but then saw that she was just passed out, her breathing even. What the fuck did she have to drink and how much? A lot of those red cups held experimental mixtures of varying strengths and a novice like her never should have tried it.

I sighed and awkwardly got us both to our feet. I hooked my arm behind her knees, scooping her up like a little kid. She felt like the size of one anyway. She had an arm around my neck and snuggled her head to my chest, murmuring under her breath. I couldn’t help but smile as I got us out of there.

I stepped back, admiring my handiwork. Holden didn’t even blink when he opened the front door to find me standing there carrying his sister. She was in her bed now, sleeping peacefully.

“Happy New Year, Gia.” I whispered, leaning down to kiss her forehead.

I closed her bedroom door and headed downstairs, trying to not think about the tiny pink polka dot panties that were revealed when her dress rode up as I got her into bed. I pulled it down quickly by the hem and pulled her blankets up under her chin. But the image was seared into my brain, and all I could think of was how much I wanted to bury my face down there and inhale her, and that I didn’t want anyone else to ever see or think about her in that way but me.

Get a grip, Raymond, I told myself as I started my Jeep. I couldn’t let myself fall in love with her.

Chapter 14

I have always loved the aesthetic of sheer curtains, the ones that give just a hint of coverage and color so that you still have all of the benefit of natural lighting without leaving the window completely undressed. It just looked so unfinished without something there, IMHO.

Except for this morning. I hated it.

The sun streamed in through the two thin blush pieces of fabric in an outright attempt to blind me as I laid in bed. Doing everything I could to go back to sleep, including a pillow over my head, proved useless. I eventually sat up, defeated and wide awake.

“Dammit,” I muttered sulkily, and then immediately clutched at my head as the splitting headache registered. Holy shit, I had forgotten about last night. That is, until my body decided to remind me.

The party had been wild. Rachael, Adam, and I had sworn allegiance to all forms of debauchery for the night and arrangements were made in advance to have designated drivers. Drinks were literally shoved into our hands the minute we walked into Phillip’s palatial home. I’d never seen anything like it. I danced to every song I could, flirted with a couple of the football players that had shown up, and drank everything that was offered to me. My partners-in-crime did likewise and we had a blast. Well, I believed that we did, anyway, because I didn’t remember much of anything after that first hour and certainly not ringing in the new year. So, I took that to mean that our mission was accomplished.

I wondered if Ethan ever showed up at the party…I knew he was supposed to be there along with his sidekick. If he bailed on going then she probably did too. I swear, if he one day decided to jump off of a bridge, Dinette would somersault off right behind him.

Not that it much mattered if he had shown up or not. In the four weeks since the Friendsmas party, it became clear that he was trying to keep some distance between us. We had 6th period together every day, of course, and he’d even joined Adam, Rachael, and me on a couple of large group outings, but there was a definite wall up. My feelings were more than a little hurt for him to act like that after we kissed, but I was learning very quickly that his mood seemed to change like the wind where I was concerned and to not have any expectations. I went out of my way to keep things very neutral and casual whenever we were in each other’s company. Every now and then I would catch him watching me intently but as soon as our eyes met, his expression would go blank and noncommittal.

I reached for the water bottle on my nightstand and started to chug the room temp fluid, but my stomach gurgled in warning and so I stopped myself, opting for a few small sips instead. My mouth was so dry! I sat with my head in my hands for several minutes before deciding to make my way to the kitchen for some coffee. I could hear my phone chirping at me to check text notifications, but that would have to wait.

Throwing back the covers, I was surprised to see that I was still fully dressed in my outfit from the night before: a tiny, beige-colored slip dress, no bra, and even tinier bikini panties with pink polka dots. I spotted my shoes near my closet.What the hell? I wracked my brain as hard as I could but had no memory of how I got home. The last thing that I could sort of recall was needing to go to the bathroom and wanting to vomit while dancing. I had never been blackout drunk before and the thought of being in that state made me uneasy. I quietly thanked the gods for watching over my dumb ass and ensuring my safe return home. I’d have to ask Rachael what she knew.

After a shower, change of clothes and an Advil, I returned to my room with a cup of strong coffee in hand, feeling a bit more human. I picked up my phone to see almost a dozen unread messages, the majority from Rachael.

Hey, friend. Call me!

Gia.

GIA!!!

Bitch. Call meeee!!!

Ok, I just tried calling you. Are you actually still sleeping? Someone clearly cannot handle their liquor.

I giggled as much as I could tolerate without making my head hurt as I scrolled through her texts. I would put her out of her misery shortly. There was a message from Adam letting me know that he was on his way over (that was nearly an hour ago – he should be here soon, I calculated), and a couple from my mom making sure we were all home safe and sound. I tapped out a quick proof-of-life response to her and then selected Rachael’s assigned number on speed dial. She picked up on the first ring.

“Oh my god, finally!”

“I’m sorry, just woke up.” I muttered, rubbing my temple with my free hand. “And can you please turn down the volume on your voice?”

“You need to get out and drink more often. Then you could handle your alcohol better.”

“I’ll make note of that.” I yawned. “So what can you tell me about last night?”

Rachael snorted. “What do you mean?”

“I think I blacked out…the only thing I remember after dancing with Erica and a bunch of people is needing to go to the bathroom. Did I have a good time and how did I get home?”

“Uh, I remember asking Adam where you were and he told me to not worry about it, that you were in good hands and had a ride home. As to whether you had a good time or not, my friend, I can’t help you with that information because I was busy elsewhere, which I’ve been dying to tell you about!”

I frowned. If Rachael wasn’t with me last night, then who was? I was little scared but would have to dwell on it later, however, because my focus needed to be on her. She had big news, I could tell.

“Ok, girl, shoot.” I sipped on my coffee, waiting expectantly.

“Adam and I had sex last night.”

I laughed, waiting for Rachael to tell me that she was kidding. I was met with silence.

“Wait, are you fucking with me?”

“I wish I were.”

“Adam…our Adam?”

“Yeah.” Rachael sounded sad.

“Facetime. Now!”

Within seconds, her face filled my screen. She still had on her makeup from the night before, black eyeliner smudged below her eyes, and her hair was big and disheveled. She looked gorgeously distraught.

“Rachael! Oh my god!”

“I know!!”

“Tell me everything!” I demanded.

And that’s when the doorbell rang.

“Rachael. He’s here … are you coming over?”

“I can’t face him yet, no…”

“You’ll have to eventually.”

“I know.” Rachael sighed. “Everything is messed up now.”

“It doesn’t have to be – “

“But it is, though!”

“Why?” I was genuinely confused. “Adam is pretty mature…now.” I chuckled.

“We crossed a line that we shouldn’t have.” She sounded on the verge of tears. “It complicates things and I can’t lose him as my best friend.”

I heard Reece greeting Adam downstairs.

“He just walked in – “

“Go. I’ll talk to you later and tell you everything.”

I finished my conversation with Rachael and took a few minutes to pull myself together before making my way downstairs. Adam was in the bonus room, already hard and heavy into some game. He sat on the floor with his back against the couch, legs stretched out in front of him, aggressively smashing the controller buttons. I shuffled up to him and nudged his leg with my slippered foot.

He glanced up at me and smiled weakly. “Hey, babe.”

“Hey.” I quickly went to the kitchen and returned with his favorite snacks, putting them down next to him.

“Thanks.”

I nodded and stood there in silence, watching him play his game. I knew he would bring Rachael up when ready and it didn’t take long.

“So, I’m guessing you know.” He kept his eyes on the TV screen.

“I, um, just found out. She told me a few minutes ago.” Adam nodded and continued playing. After a few minutes, he signed off and put down the controller.

“Is she coming over?”

“I don’t think so.” I sat down next to him, hip to hip. Looking closely at his profile, I notice the dark circles under his eyes. He did not sleep well, that was obvious, which could have been from the drinking or because of what happened with Rachael, or both.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Adam studied his fingernails for quite some time, then chewed off a hangnail on his right thumb. I can’t remember the last time I had seen him this serious or reflective.

“It was fucking amazing. No pun intended.” He looked at me and laughed wistfully. “I don’t want to get graphic, but it really was. She really was.”

“Well, that’s great, right? Why are you so sad about it?”

“Because.” Adam took a deep breath. “Okay, let me back up. I’ve been in love with Rachael since 10th grade.”

“What?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh my god … that’s amazing, Adam!”

“Please don’t tell her. Promise me.”

“Of course I won’t tell her.” I was confused. “You will.”

“I can’t be with her, Gia. I won’t be with her.”

“I don’t understand.”

He took another deep breath, and I could see him internally struggling with a decision.

“My brother and I grew up watching our dad beat the shit out of our mom.” He finally began. “He’s a sadistic, narcissistic, gas lighting motherfucker. When he couldn’t take things out on her, he’d come for us, physically and verbally.” Adam looked at me, his mouth in a tight line. “I had a stutter as a kid from the stress and it still comes out a little when I’m super tired or shit-faced drunk.

I had noticed that over the years but thought it was just one of those funny little quirks of his.

“We were removed from our house by child protective services once and then got sent back after dad completed anger management classes and a psych eval and was deemed ‘fit.’ My mom kept leaving and going back but finally left him for good when we were around 12 or 13. Dad didn’t fight it because he knew what he had been doing would get him sent to jail if she ever reported it, and he was cheating on my mom anyway.

“She was going to take us both with her but my Dad insisted on keeping my brother. She didn’t want to do that but Ethan convinced her to let him stay. He thought my dad would chill out if he wasn’t completely alone. I honestly don’t know everything that went on when he lived with my dad and he won’t talk about it. The things I do know are not my place to tell. He finally had enough and decided to come live with us this year and finish out high school in Westbrook. His excuse to my dad was that they had better AP classes for college transfer.

“I take anxiety meds and go through periods of deep depression.” Adam continued. “Those are the times that I’m suddenly ‘sick’ and miss days of school or have ‘a lot to do’ and you guys don’t see me for a few days, except I’ll text. I come around again when I’m feeling better and can be even. I’ve been in therapy for a couple of years now, so that helps the episodes go away faster.”

“So that’s why it has always felt like you’re holding part of yourself back and the reason why you haven’t been in a relationship for as long as we have known you.” I nodded with sudden understanding, my eyes filling with tears. Adam put his hand on my leg.

“And I won’t get into a relationship.” He said firmly. “Not now, maybe not ever. I don’t want to subject someone I love to my demons. I know that it sounds dramatic, but I can’t bring myself do it.”

“I think you should give it a chance with Rachael.” The sadness and finality in Adam’s eyes told me that was out of the question.

“We let ourselves get careless last night. It can’t happen again.” He raked his hand through his hair. “You told me a few months ago that you felt like you don’t know me sometimes. Well, here it is, Gia, all out in the open. I’m telling you now so you know why I can’t be with her. Even if she felt the same way, I cannot drag her into my mess. And I’m telling you for your sake, too.”

“W-what do you mean?”

“I know you like my brother.” Adam laughed at my guilty expression. “Don’t try to hide it … you probably think that I don’t pay attention, but I notice everything.”

“Oh, now you tell me!”

“You can’t grow up in a household like ours without learning to watch for everything.” He paused. “He’ll probably kick my ass for telling you this, but … he likes you too, Gia.”

“No, I don’t think –”

“Why do you think he’s always quietly showing up where you are or getting crazy intense or moody when you’re around?” Adam shook his head and bumped my shoulder with his. “C’mon, you’re smarter than that.” My heart raced hopefully but I remained skeptically silent.

“Don’t believe me?” He cocked an eyebrow. “Who do you think was holding your hair out of your face and rubbing your back last night while you got intimately acquainted with Patterson’s toilet? I found him in there with you. How did you get home and in bed?” Adam grinned. “My brother won’t do that shit for just anybody.”

So, that’s what happened last night. I was reeling from all of this new information.

“What about Dinette?” I bit my lip, hating to ask the question.

“Not my place to answer that. You’ll have to ask him.” I stayed silent, feeling uncertain.

“And anyway, she’s beside the point. Which is …” Adam shifted and took my face in his hands, fixing me with a serious look. “My brother would never, ever go out of his way to hurt you. But it could happen. You have been in a little protected bubble all your life with an awesome family. Ethan and I know first-hand what people can do to each other. You’d probably be better off with someone who isn’t fucked up, maybe like Robin.” He let go of me and laughed when he saw my face turn three shades of red. “Oh, yeah, I know all about that, too.”

“I’m not sure how I feel about this version of Adam.” I was only half-joking. “I wish you would have told us everything before and let us be there for you.”

Adam smiled and put his arm around me, pulling me in close. We hugged for a long time before he kissed the top of my head and tussled my hair.

“I’m, like, really grateful you’re my best friend, Gia. I love you.”

Chapter 15

“Why are you staring at me?”

Ethan’s eyes never left the piece of paper he had been writing on. I froze, not realizing that he was paying attention. I should have known better.

“Uh, no reason…just seeing if you’re bored yet, haha.”

“You’ll be the first to know,” he replied, amused.

I sat in the library across the table from him. It was the first day back to school after the party and my talk with his brother, and he had wanted to get together right away to start our second semester project for psych class because it was going to be pretty complex and take a couple of months to complete.

Since we had aced our first semester project, he asked me to partner with him again the minute Ms. Lee announced the new project in 6th period. Poor Robin had lots to say this time when he found out, all directed towards Ethan who responded with a middle finger raised high over his head while walking away. I felt guilty because I knew Robin was probably going to ask me after missing out last time, and I said yes to Ethan anyway.

Now here we sat, and I of course was not focused at all. I could only keep thinking about everything I had learned over the weekend.

“Gia!” Ethan hissed my name, frowning in confusion. “What is the matter with you?”

“I’m … sorry?”

“I’ve been talking to you – or trying to – about this stupid project and you are, I don’t know.” He gestured at me with his hands, agitated. “You seem out there in La-La Land.”

“I, uh…”

“Spill it.”

“I don’t think this is the right place for this conversation?” I looked around, noting all of the students nearby. This was definitely not something to be overheard, the rumor mill would have a field day.

“Ok. So, we leave. Now.”

We gathered our things, and I kicked myself for putting us both in the position of having to talk about this right now. Adam clearly hadn’t said anything to him yet. Why couldn’t I have acted like everything was fine, perfect even, and carried on with the assignment?

“Well?” Ethan looked down at me expectantly. We were now standing in front of the administration building near the library. We definitely did not need to worry about students being over there, and most of the teachers were gone by that time.

“Adam told me…about your family.”

I saw the muscle in his jaw clench. “Let’s go to the Jeep.”

Ethan was walking at a clip, and it took every bit of energy I could muster to keep up, practically running after him while holding on tight to my purse and heavy backpack. It briefly occurred to me that anyone watching us probably would have thought I was some desperate, batshit crazy girl chasing after him. I certainly felt like it. He reached the Jeep first, holding open the passenger door for me. I hopped in, slightly out of breath, and dropped my belongings at my feet. He went around to the other side, threw his backpack in the rear seat, and climbed in.

The top was installed on the Jeep this time and the windows were rolled up. It definitely felt like I was sitting in a tin can and the air was thick with tension. I looked over at Ethan, who was staring straight ahead, jaw clenching and unclenching. His hands gripped his jean-clad thighs.

“How long have you known?” he finally asked.

“I found out this past weekend.”

“And why did he tell you?”

“I’d … rather not say.” It wasn’t my place to tell him about Adam and Rachael. That was a conversation he had to have with his brother.

“Okay.” He sighed and turned his body towards me in his seat as much as the cramped space would allow. “What do you want to know?”

“I didn’t ask you anything!”

“But you want to.” I hesitated for just a moment before nodding.

“Ok, yeah. I guess…I guess I just want to know if you’re okay.”

“That’s a loaded question.” His eyes narrowed suspiciously. “‘Okay’ how?”

“I don’t know…Adam basically said that you both are fucked up.”

“That would be accurate.”

“He said that he never wants to get into a relationship because of it.”

“You can understand that, right?”

“I guess.” I paused. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Do you feel that way about relationships? Ah, well, I guess that was a dumb question. Nevermind.”

“Why, because of Dinette?”

“Sorry if that’s too personal…”

“No. It’s fine.” Ethan was guarded. “So, uh…what exactly did Adam tell you about himself?”

“Anxiety. Depression. Medication. Therapy.”

Ethan nodded, looking down at his lap. “So, uh, my response to everything going on in our house was drugs…I experimented with a lot of them, never met one that I didn’t like, and heroin was my drug of choice. I met Dinette in rehab. We were in group therapy together and when you’re 15 years old…we felt like we really only had each other.” He put both hands on the steering wheel, gripping it tightly. “We’ve been clean for over a year now. Neither one of us is completely sober, you’ve obviously seen us drinking, but we’re clean.

“We aren’t together anymore.” His eyes met mine. “I know she wishes otherwise, but trauma bonding and drama don’t necessarily make for a good relationship. I am still very protective of her though and she is the same way about me. We will always look out for each other.

“Am I ready for a real relationship?” Ethan looked away, almost talking more to himself then to me. “I really don’t know. I don’t think so…it’s not like Adam and I had a great role model, right? I’m not sure I would know how to be in one.”

I nodded, swallowing hard. I raised my eyes up towards the roof of the Jeep, attempting the old trick to keep myself from crying. This was all just so heavy, and my heart broke once more for those little boys who had experienced what no kid should. I couldn’t imagine the Ethan that I knew in such a state of mind that he needed that kind of escape. I was also a little devastated to realize that he, like his brother, did not see being in a relationship any time soon, if ever.

“Heroin…” I said softly, shaking my head in disbelief. “As in … needles and all that?”

“Yeah. Needles and all that. I got really good at hiding the track marks, you’d never know. Things are a lot better now that I’m at Mom’s house with her and Adam. I deal with my stress now by working out and going to therapy. That’s my outlet. Same for Adam.” Ethan tilted his head a bit to the side and studied my face. “Does this make you feel differently about us?”

“No. Oh my god…not at all. I just wish that I had been around then, I never would have let you boys go through that alone.” I spoke passionately.

“I appreciate the thought.” We both sat in silence, lost in our thoughts.

“Hey, uh…” I cleared my throat. “Thanks for taking care of me at the party and getting me home.”

Ethan laughed. “My brother told you about that?”

I nodded. “I’m sorry you apparently got stuck watching me puke on New Year’s Eve. I don’t remember.”

“I didn’t feel stuck.” He smiled. “You sounded like a very tiny cat hacking up a very tiny hairball.”

“Ok, cool.” I reached for the seatbelt, mortified. “Cool, cool, cool. You can take me home now.”

Chapter 16

“Hey there, beautiful.”

I turned at the sound of Robin’s voice, smiling nervously as he walked up. We were meeting at The Percolator after school, and my heart was pounding because I had asked to meet him there for a specific reason.

“Hey!” I gave him a big hug, lingering in his arms a little longer than normal.

“Hey, wow, ok!” He laughed, a puzzled look momentarily crossing his face before tightening his arms around me. “Did we or did we not just see each other in class a couple of hours ago?”

“Haha, I know, right?” I laughed awkwardly. “It’s just always nice to see you outside of school.” And that was the honest truth.

“Do you want to go inside?”

“Um…” I hesitated. “How about we walk and talk? And if you still want to spend time with me after that, we can come back here and get a drink.”

“Uh oh.” Robin frowned and dug his hands into his jeans pockets as we fell into step next to each other. “That doesn’t sound good. What’s up?”

I walked along in silence because the speech I had practiced over and over was suddenly gone, my mind completely blank. My heart started racing again as I scrambled to find the words, any words.

“Gia,” he prompted. “What did you want to talk about?”

“I, um…” I sighed and stopped walking. Robin stopped, too, and looked at me with concern.

“Are you ok?”

“No. I mean…yes, but no.” I turned to him and could feel my eyes filling with tears, dammit, and I hadn’t even said an intelligent word yet. I took a deep breath and calmed myself down.

“Look, Robin, I really like you a lot. You have always been so kind to me and funny and interesting and…just so cool. You’ve always made me feel beautiful and wanted, like, from Day One, in a way nobody did before –”

“But I’m not Raymond,” he finished for me.

I swallowed, my eyes widening a bit in surprise. “You know?”

“Yeah.” Robin smiled. “I’ve suspected it for a while. I don’t know,” he shrugged. “I just always felt that there was something going on between the two of you.”

“I mean, there’s not really much of anything –”

“Nah, there’s a thing. Even if you haven’t acted on it yet.” Robin started walking again and I followed. “I mean, getting flipped off because I wanted to be your partner on a class project pretty much told me everything I needed to know.” He nudged my arm with his and we both started laughing uncontrollably at the ridiculousness of it all.

“I’m really sorry,” I said quietly, once the laughter had died down. “I like you both for very different reasons.”

“But you like him more…otherwise, he’d be the one on the receiving end of this conversation.”

“Hmm. I don’t know if I would say that it’s more?” I paused. “Just…in a different way that I think I need to explore right now. I can’t explain it and I’m sorry for that.”

“You don’t have to keep saying that you’re sorry.” Robin turned on his heel and we started walking back towards The Percolator. “You wouldn’t intentionally hurt a fly. I understand…I think it’s something that you have to figure out or you’ll always wonder. I get that.”

Thank you for being so understanding,” I said softly, a tear slipping down my cheek. I wiped it away. “I feel so bad.”

“Yeah, my feelings are a little hurt,” he admitted, smiling sheepishly. “But nothing I won’t get over. And, I’d rather know this now instead of after asking you to be my girlfriend. So…thank you for your honesty.”

We walked along in silence until we were back in front of the coffeehouse. I looked up at him questioningly and saw tenderness and a hint of regret in his eyes as he met my gaze.

“Should we get something to drink?” he asked softly.

“Do you still want to?”

“I still do.”

We sat drinking coffee and chatting for over an hour. Robin caught me up on everything going on his world with his competition training and showed me a picture of the next bike he wants. I filled him in on my parent’s next tour, school stuff, college applications, and general gossip. He was just so easy to talk with and I felt a lump in my throat as I finally looked down at my watch.

“I have to go.” I was definitely feeling sad. “Thank you again for meeting me and being so awesome.”

“It’s all good.” Robin stood and then took my hand to help me to my feet. He paused. “Promise me that you won’t let yourself get hurt.”

“I won’t.”

“And if you need anything … you know where to find me.”

I nodded. “So, um, can we … still be friends?”

The sun was setting as we stepped back out onto the street.

“Are you kidding?” Robin laughed and pulled me into a hug. “You’re stuck with me….as a friend. Just make sure to tell Raymond that so I don’t get my ass kicked. See you tomorrow in class, Gia.”

I watched as Robin walked towards his bike, my shoulders feeling heavy. He was such a good guy…would I one day wonder, what if…about him?

I thought about Robin a lot over the next week. I knew in my heart that the decision to stop dating him and just be friends was the right thing to do, and yet it sort of broke my heart whenever I replayed the conversation in my mind and could see the hurt and disappointment in his eyes. I kept reminding myself that it wouldn’t be fair to be with him while thinking about Ethan.

Ethan.

I checked my phone…3:25PM and he was now almost a half hour late to our planned meetup to work on the psych project, which is totally unlike him. After another 10 minutes, I decided to send a text.

Hey! Are we still meeting?

Nothing.

I tried Adam next.

Adam, do you know where your brother is?

Wasn’t he meeting up with you?

Yeah, but he’s late.

Sorry, babe, I don’t know. I’m running errands with my mom. Are you sure he knew where to meet you?

Yep. He’s the one who set the place and time.

Go by the house. Maybe he got held up there.

Thankfully, I had driven my mom’s car today. I knew our work session would run late and I didn’t want Ethan to feel like he had to take me home every time, especially since I live in the opposite direction.

His Jeep was in the driveway.

Frowning, I gathered my backpack and purse and headed to the front door.

I rung the bell three times. No answer.

I tried the door. It was unlocked.

“Hello?” I called, walking in. I rounded the corner towards the living room and stopped in my tracks. It took my brain a moment to catch up and process what was happening in front of me.

Ethan was there with Dinette on the couch, his back to me, and her arms were around his neck. It looked pretty intimate.

I stood there, mouth open, face flushed with anger.

“So…this is why you stood me up at the library!?”

“Gia!”

Ethan jumped up and looked around at me, simultaneously snatching Dinette’s arms away from his neck. I looked past him at her, and she was staring at me while a wicked grin slowly spread across her face. I turned around and walked out without another word. I strode quickly towards my car, ignoring Ethan as he called to me.

“Gia!” He finally caught up and grabbed my arm, spinning me around to look at him. I snatched it out of his grip and took a step back. “Don’t you touch me!” I warned, dangerously close to tears.

“This isn’t what it looked like –”

“You know what, Ethan?” I cut him off. “You don’t owe me anything … it’s not like we’re together, right? But I was sitting at the library for almost an hour, you could have told me you couldn’t come and it would have been…fine.”

“I’m sorry…she came over upset.” Ethan ran a hand through his hair, exasperated. “I lost track of time.”

“You know, Adam warned me about you.” I looked away as the tears started to fall. “I don’t think you were trying to hurt me, but you did!”

“Gia, I’m trying to apologize…I feel like an asshole.”

“And I feel like a fucking idiot!”

Ethan was confused. “Why do you feel like an idiot?”

“Just…” I shook my head. “You owe me nothing, Ethan.”

“But why do you feel like an idiot when I’m the one who fucked up?”

I sighed.

“I broke things off with Robin. We’re not dating anymore.”

“You what?” Ethan’s face softened. “Why did you do that?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Tell me!”

“Because I…I realized that I have feelings for you.” I looked down, biting my bottom lip to keep it from quivering.

“Gia,” he said quietly, taking a step towards me. Sobbing, I turned and opened the car door.

“It doesn’t matter!” I repeated, throwing my backpack and purse on the passenger seat. I climbed in and slammed the door, rolling down the window. “I don’t even know why I’m telling you this right now! Oh my god, I am so fucking stupid!”

“Stop it!” Ethan growled, catching me off guard. He leaned into the car window. “You are not stupid…I have feelings for you too.”

My heart skipped a beat when I heard that, but I knew at the same time that it was pointless. I started the car.

“Ethan,” I said sadly, “That makes my heart so happy to hear. But even if it’s true…Dinette will be part of the picture always…finding you on the couch with her and being late to meet me, is that part of the two of you ‘always looking out for each other?’ ” I shook my head. “Who can compete with the history the two of you have? Who would even want to try?”

“Gia, I –”

“Just…leave me alone, Ethan. Ok? I’ll finish our assignment for this week and we’ll finish the project together, but please don’t ask me to partner with you on anything else again. Maybe we just need to leave each other alone…maybe this is too hard for us both.” I suddenly felt drained from all of the raw emotion. “Can you please get away from my car?”

Ethan slammed his hand down on the window frame, making me jump.

“Dammit, Gia!”

“Ethan, please!”

He stared at me intensely with a look between rage and despair in his eyes. Finally, he stepped back and I put the car in reverse. I didn’t let myself look back as I drove away.

Chapter 17

POV: Ethan

I watched Gia drive away and I could hardly breathe. I wanted to cry, yell, punch something. Standing there long after she was out of sight, I finally turned back towards the house.

Dinette sat on the couch, smirking. I have never, ever hit a girl but I wanted to slap that look right off of her face.

“Aw, poor little Gia.” She said in a baby voice. “I can’t believe she acted like that over you being a little late–”

“It wasn’t just about being late and you know it! You set me up to look like something was happening between us.”

Dinette shrugged. “It was just a little joke,” she said, still trying to look innocent while holding back a laugh.

“Get out.”

“Wait. What!?”

“Get. Out.” I could feel the anger rising.

“But, Ethan—” She looked confused.

“Dinette. I won’t keep being nice about it.” I closed my eyes and started to count down from twenty in my head to calm myself. It was a technique I learned in therapy. “You need to go.”

“Do you…do you like her?”

“Yes.” It felt like a weight off of my shoulders to acknowledge my feelings for Gia out loud. “But that’s not the point. I hurt her.”

“She overreacted.” Dinette’s tone was dismissive, but I saw fear in her eyes.

“Look. I love you, Dinette.” I paused, trying to choose my words carefully. “We have a history together, but we won’t be together now as anything more than friends. You have to accept that.”

“Why?” She questioned angrily. “Because of her?”

“No! It’s because this is where things have been with us for a long time now. I think we both have just been afraid to say it.”

Dinette shook her head in denial.

“You’ll be back,” she said venomously as she grabbed her things. “Little Miss Goody-Goody won’t give you a second thought once she knows what you are!”

“And what exactly am I? A recovering drug addict.” I laughed bitterly. “You can say it. And she knows.”

Dinette froze. “You…told her?”

“Yes.”

She grew silent and looked away, nodding. When she looked at me again, tears were streaming down her face.

“You’ve never told any outsider.” She said softly, almost to herself. “I guess I should go.”

When Adam walked in a few minutes later, I was still standing there in the middle of the floor, absolutely lost.

“Bro…” he looked at me, confused and a little scared. “What did you do? Gia called me in tears and then Dinette called me almost hysterical.”

“Dude.” I sighed and finally retreated to the couch and sat down. I laid my head against the back of the seat and closed my eyes. “Dinette set me up…and I hurt Gia.” I swallowed and then looked over at him miserably. “She said that you warned her about me.”

Adam sat down next to me. “I said that you wouldn’t intentionally hurt her but it could happen, and this is exactly the type of shit I was talking about.” He shook his head slowly. “I wasn’t wrong, but I wish I had been.”

“You still haven’t told me why you told her everything.”

“I know. I needed time…I’ll tell you everything after we talk about this, I promise.” I nodded.

“You know her better than I do…how do I fix this?”

“I don’t know.” Adam shrugged helplessly, his eyes filled with sadness as he looked at me. “Maybe just give her time.”

I couldn’t sleep that night. Lying in bed I kept seeing the crushed look on Gia’s face and could hear her crying, and I hated myself for hurting her the way I did. I tried texting her but she left me on read and that made me panic a little. Was it too late and over before it ever really got started?

Chapter 18

After reading the same sentence five times, I sighed and closed my book. It was too hard to focus, and I’m not quite sure how I convinced myself that I could with everything that had happened. I looked out the window of the rented apartment across the marina. It was a gorgeous day and the water seemed so peaceful with the boats gently floating on top. I could probably appreciate it even more if I were outside, but I just wasn’t in the mood.

Glancing at the clock, I saw that it was four-thirty. School was out by now. I cringed at the thought of how much schoolwork I would have to make up, seeing that I had missed the past several days and would be missing at least two more before returning. That was going to be a drag, no doubt, but still preferable to the alternative of having to face Ethan right now.

“So, what’s going on, Gia?” My mom had gotten straight to the point when I asked to go with her and my dad on the gig that would be taking them out of town.

I played dumb. “What do you mean?”

My mom gave me a look. We both knew that I was full of it. As soon as I had turned 16, I stopped going with them on tours and gigs unless it was someplace I loved visiting or somewhere new to explore, especially during the summer. I’d had my fill of buses, airplanes and hotels growing up; for me to not only ask to go with them last minute but also miss school to do so…well, let’s just say that my mom wasn’t born yesterday.

“Just make sure that you don’t get too far behind in your classes,” she had said, gently touching my arm. “And you know that dad and I are here for you if you want to talk.”

So, I had essentially run away from my problems for a few days. Not that it had helped…I thought about Ethan almost non-stop. He had tried to contact me several times; texts were left on read and calls were sent straight to voicemail. While part of me hoped that he was as miserable as I was, I really wasn’t trying to be mean or hurtful by disappearing…I was still sorting through my feelings and had no clue what to say to him.

I believed him when he said nothing happened between him and Dinette, and I’m sure that if I had stuck around long enough or been willing to hear him out, he would’ve explained everything in a way that made sense even if I didn’t like it. Why, then, did I bail? I took a deep breath and pulled my legs under me in my chair as I looked back out the window. The truth was along the lines of what I told Ethan that day – I didn’t want to have to compete with her for his time and attention. I was afraid that if it ever came down to having to choose between us, if his feelings were ever really put to the test, I’d lose and that would break my heart beyond repair. I was too new to all of this, too naïve…I had risked the “sure thing” when I broke things off with Robin to take a chance on Ethan, but it turned out that I was in over my head and maybe needed to bow out before I got really hurt.

I was still deep in thought during dinner. Mom, Dad, and I were having tacos outside on the balcony before their show, and I must have sighed one too many times.

“GiGi.” My dad broke out his seldom-used nickname for me. “What’s going on?” Although my head was bent down towards my plate, I caught my mom shooting him a warning look and slightly shaking her head. He must have gotten the message because he paused and cleared his throat.

“Uh, just let us know how we can help.”

“Thanks, Dad.” I gave him a genuine smile, touched that he cared enough to notice and ask. “I promise, I will.”

I excused myself from the table, picking up my paper plate and phone. Glancing at the screen as I turned it face up, I froze in my tracks. There was a text message from an unknown number followed by several missed calls from Rachael.

“What is it, honey?” My mom instantly looked concerned, seeing my face.

“I don’t know,” I mumbled, putting down my plate. “There’s a bunch of missed calls. I forgot that I had silenced my phone earlier.” I turned on the ringer.

I tapped on the text. It was a group message that included Rachael and me.

Rachael and Gia. This is Elena, Adam and Ethan’s mom. Please call me when you get this message. Thank you.

I sat back down in the chair I had just vacated. Something was really, really wrong. My heart was racing and my hand shook so much that I could barely speed dial Rachael.

“What is it?” My mom mouthed. “Gia, you’re scaring me!”

No answer. I disconnected and was about to hit redial when the phone rang.

“Rachael…what happened!?”

“Gia…” Rachael was crying. “The boys were in a bad car accident. You have to come home!”

The next twelve hours were some of the worst I’d ever experienced. I ran to the bathroom and immediately threw up all of the dinner I just ate in between trying to tell my parents what I knew from Rachael’s call.

Adam and Ethan had gone to see about their dad. I wasn’t clear on the reason why. A girl in her parent’s SUV was texting and went through the red light, T-boning the Jeep. It rolled twice before coming to a stop on the roof. They were in the small town between Westbrook and where their dad lived and had been air-lifted back to the level one trauma center at home. Both were unconscious upon arrival at the hospital and had been rushed into surgery.

Mom and Dad had to perform that night but asked their manager, Tara, to stay with me and look up flight arrangements. I wouldn’t be able to get out until morning, a 6:20AM flight. I took an Uber straight from the airport to the hospital. I looked and felt like hot garbage, having not slept all night. Making my way up to the fifth floor, I had to stop and take a few deep breaths to calm myself down so I wouldn’t hyperventilate. I had no idea what was waiting for me up there.

The doors opened up into the ICU waiting room. I looked around wildly and abandoned my suitcase right there by the elevators to meet Rachael halfway when I saw her racing up to me. We collided and clung to each other.

“Gia, oh my god…” She whispered, rubbing my back. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

We pulled back and looked at each other. Rachael was not in much better shape than I was. She had on sweatpants that she never wore in public, an oversized t-shirt and cardigan, and flip flops. Her eyes were red-rimmed from crying and she didn’t have on a stitch of makeup. Her hair was up in a long, messy ponytail. I felt in good company in my hoodie, Care Bear pj bottoms and Ugg slippers. I forgot to grab a hair tie in my rush to get to the airport, so my hair was everywhere. I didn’t even care.

“I got here as fast as I could.” I went back to get my suitcase and then followed Rachael. “Where are we going?”

“There’s another side of this waiting room. Mrs. Raymond is over there.”

“Wait.” I grabbed Rachael’s arm, forcing her to stop walking. “How bad is it? You have to tell me before I get over there.”

She averted her eyes, hesitating. My heart felt like it was literally in my throat and I held my breath.

Please, God…

“They’re both alive,” she finally answered, and I exhaled shakily. “But they’re both pretty banged up, especially Adam. He was on the side that was hit.”

Ethan had abdominal and chest injuries from the seatbelt and airbag. He’d had surgery although Rachael wasn’t exactly sure what they did. Adam had a chest injury, dislocated shoulder, fractured arm, and a collapsed lung from the broken ribs that punctured it. He was being kept moderately sedated because he was apparently agitated after surgery and kept trying to pull out the chest tube that was put in to help get rid of air and re-expand the lung.

I took a deep breath and held on tight to my suitcase because I wanted nothing more than to fall to the floor and sob. I was so completely grateful and relieved. My boys, my absolutely favorite people in the world, were going to be okay and that’s all that mattered.

Chapter 19

The boys had been cleared for visitors and Mrs. Raymond put Rachael and me on the approved list to see them. As soon as I stepped around the curtain and into the inner chamber of Adam’s room, I realized that I was scared to see him. The head of his bed was slightly elevated and he was asleep. His nurse told us that he had been given a sedative within the last half hour so it was unlikely that he would be awake or alert. His right arm was in an immobilizer, and it seemed like there were a million lines and bags of fluid hanging. The chest tube was secured in place just below his armpit.

I walked closer to the bed, taking in Adam’s pale skin and the bruises on his face, wishing I could see the sparkle in his green eyes and hear his laugh. I gently touched his cheek, noting that it was warm. I thought for some reason that he would be cold, so the warmth was slightly comforting. I watched his chest rise and fall and listened to the steady beep of the machines that confirmed he was alive. He seemed to be sleeping comfortably and peacefully.

I looked over at Rachael, who had immediately pulled a chair up next to Adam’s head. She didn’t take her eyes off of him for a second that I saw; in fact, it was almost as if I weren’t even there. She reached out and touched his face, then gently grasped his exposed fingers.

“What the actual fuck, Adam.” I heard Rachael whisper under her breath. “I need you to get better.”

My heart ached for my friends. They hadn’t been in a great place when this happened, just like Ethan and me, as they tried to figure out how to handle the New Years’ Eve incident and their subsequent feelings about each other. I decided to leave because this was clearly a private moment where I did not belong. She needed this time with him.

“Hey,” I called to her softly, “I’m going to go see Ethan.”

Rachael nodded silently. I glanced back as I left the room and saw that she had bent down close to Adam’s face, and the soft tones of her voice sounded so loving as she spoke to him. Whatever she was saying to him, I hoped that he could hear her.

I wasn’t sure that I was ready to see Ethan either. His room was down the hall from Adam’s. A nurse was taking his vitals when I walked in. She held up a finger to indicate that I should wait as she listened to his chest with a stethoscope. Ethan stared straight ahead at the TV, which was on but had the sound turned down. He turned his head in the direction that the nurse was looking and his eyes flickered with recognition.

“Hey,” he said softly, once she left the room. He motioned towards the chair near his bed and I sat down. His hair was messy and dark stubble covered his chin. Like Adam, he was pale and had several bruises on his face, and he also had lines and monitors but not nearly as many. It was the first time I had seen him since our fight at his house the week before. That seemed so long ago now and none of it mattered.

“Hi.” I attempted a smile. “How are you?”

“Well, I guess as good as I can be in a really fucked up situation.” Ethan motioned downward with his head towards his lower body, which was covered by his blanket. “They had to remove a small section of my colon because of the seatbelt injury across my lower abdominal area. Luckily there were no other internal injuries. I had a catheter tube in my dick until a couple of hours ago but at least I was spared shitting into a bag. So, there’s that.”

“Oh my god, seriously?!”

“Yeah. It would have been temporary but that would have sucked, right?” Ethan got quiet. “Have you seen my brother?”

“Yes.”

“And?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. He looks ok, considering…he doesn’t look like he’s in any pain. He’s sedated.” Ethan nodded, and I saw one of his hands ball up into a fist.

“I blame myself,” he said finally.

“Why?”

“I shouldn’t have taken Adam with me when my dad called. Anything connected with that asshole ends up being a fucking mess.”

“You couldn’t have known,” I said. “This isn’t your fault.”

Ethan seemed to want to say more but stopped himself. He laid back against his pillows with eyes closed. I sat with him in silence for several more minutes before deciding that maybe I should go.

“I shouldn’t stay too long,” I said gently, starting to stand up. He opened his eyes and grabbed my hand, tugging at it to indicate that he wanted me to sit back down.

“After we got sent back to the house, when we were kids,” he began softly, looking up at the ceiling, “He continued abusing us…hitting, kicking, punching…just made sure to do it where it didn’t show. My brother and I would sometimes hear him at night whaling on Mom, too, and sometimes…forcing sex on her. Adam and I agreed to not call for help because we were afraid of getting taken from Mom again and maybe get split up the next time.

“I convinced my mom to let me stay with him, once she found the courage and had the means to leave for good, because I thought then he would leave her and Adam alone…like, she got a kid and he got one, so maybe he would mellow out, right?” Ethan laughed scornfully. “Like, I thought that I had the answer, I would fix everything…and what the fuck did I really know at that age? Not a damn thing. I don’t blame my mom for agreeing to it, my dad was pretty insistent and I told her over and over that it was what I wanted…and she was tired, y’know?

“We made quite the team as I got older, him drunk and me loaded, and there were nights when he started up that I physically fought him back…I remember the adrenaline rush, just whaling on that motherfucker. I was almost as big as he was at that point and sometimes think we both got off on it…it was almost like our own personal fight club. Adam knows about the drugs, I was high most of the time when he came over to visit. He doesn’t know about the fighting. I rarely went to my mom’s house because I didn’t want her to know what state I was really in.”

Ethan paused and looked over at me. “Are you okay hearing this? You’re squeezing the shit out of my hand.” I looked down and saw that I had his hand in a death grip. I exhaled and relaxed.

“I’m sorry…I didn’t even realize I was doing it.”

“It’s ok.” He sighed and continued. “By the last time that I got out of rehab, I realized that I couldn’t live with him anymore. I knew that I would keep relapsing by going back there. So, I told him that I was trying to turn my life around and get back into my AP classes, go to college. He had a weird sense of pride and wanted us to go to college, he never did…and I think his guilt about my overdosing on his watch always stayed with him, so he agreed.”

“Oh my god, Ethan!” I gasped. “You OD’d!?”

“Oh yeah…I woke up on our living room floor surrounded by EMT and the police after a hit of Narcan.” He shook his head at the memory. “I remember being mad because my high was completely gone. That’s what earned me my last of three rehab stays. But anyway…yeah, I never should have let Adam come with me. Even if the accident had to happen, at least he wouldn’t have been there.” Ethan suddenly stopped talking. He looked overwhelmed and exhausted.

I stood up quietly, pulling my hand out of his. Moving closer to him, I leaned down and gently pulled his head to my chest. I could feel his resistance at first but finally he relaxed into me, wrapping an arm around my waist.

“Thank you for telling me everything. I’m so very sorry,” I said softly. “You did the best you could, and I think it’s amazing that you survived all of this. Adam will too, he will be okay.”

Ethan nodded, swallowing hard. “I’m so sorry that I hurt you and drove you away…I’m really glad you came. Mom told me that you were with your parents out of state and flew back. Thank you.”

I hugged him a little tighter. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“That means a lot.” Ethan’s voice cracked slightly. “Believe me, I’ve had a lot of time to think and so I don’t take your being here for granted.”

“Well.” I didn’t know what to say. “I’d better go. I think Rachael plans to stop in to see you. I’ll be back soon, ok?”

Ethan pulled back and took my hand. “Come tomorrow.”

“I will if you want me to.”

“I want you to.”

Chapter 20

Day Three. Ethan was cleared for release tomorrow.

“Oh my gosh, that is awesome news!” I gave Mrs. Raymond a hug. She had just left a conference with each of the boys’ surgeons and came back to report the news. “Does he know?”

“Yes, he does. I think he is ready to get out of here, but he’s sad to leave his brother behind.”

“I’m sure that tears him up,” I said with a nod. “But Adam will be better and released soon enough, I just know it!”

“I feel that as well. His doctors want to give it a couple more days and then see how his lung is doing. They also want to reassess for a head injury because he is sleeping a lot although he’s had only low sedation. They are monitoring him closely for that. If everything looks good and when he becomes awake and alert like he needs to be, we can start talking about discharging him.”

Mrs. Raymond suddenly stifled a yawn. I’m not sure how much sleep she had gotten since everything happened. Her parents were flying in from Spain and would arrive later today. “Since you’re here, Gia, I would like to run a couple of errands and maybe even go home and freshen up…do you mind?”

It was a little hard acting normal and unbothered with my fresh knowledge of everything that happened to her and the boys, and her not knowing that I know. On one hand, I wanted to hug her, thinking about what she had been through and how scared she must have been in that situation. I’ll never know what that was like. On the other hand, I was angry that she left Ethan with that asshole, he was too young to make that kind of decision. I’m sure she had to feel some guilt about it, maybe she still does. It felt strange for me to know things about her sons that even she didn’t know. But the one thing I was very sure about, without a doubt, was how much she loved them and that was something we would forever have in common.

I smiled and touched her shoulder. “I’m heading up now and Rachael will be here later. She had some things to do at home before coming over.”

Ethan looked up when I peeked around the curtain.

“Hey,” he said, shifting in the bed to sit up a little taller. “You came back.”

“Of course! I said I would.” I pulled the chair up to his bed. “How are you today?”

“I’m ok…a little more pain is creeping in, but I’m dealing with it.”

“Can’t they give you something for that?” Ethan made a face.

“They can…but I’m trying very hard to not take anything other than Tylenol and Advil.” I looked at him, momentarily puzzled, and then I remembered.

“Oh, God…I forgot. I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to apologize for, it’s not your fault. It is what it is.”

We stared at each other silently for a moment, and I reached over to squeeze his hand.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he said quietly, and I smiled.

“Me too.”

I heard rustling sounds behind me and turned to look over my shoulder, expecting to see Rachael or a nurse returning for another set of vitals. My eyes widened in surprise and a small gasp left me before I could even think to stop it.

The boys were a spitting image of him; he was maybe an inch or two shorter than them and had a close-cut hair with streaks of gray running through the chocolate brown. He was stockier than the boys, too, but solid with a build that reminded me of a WWE wrestler. His black tee stretched across his chest and gray jeans were tight on his muscular thighs. He wore work boots and his right arm was inked from the back of his hand all the way up to his neck.

Ethan and Adam’s dad.

He stepped fully into the small hospital room and pretty much dominated it with his presence. His eyes locked with mine and I could see that they were the same chocolate brown as Ethan’s, except that his were calculating and completely devoid of any emotion.

“Careful, Princess.” He drawled, his deep voice low and flirtatious and taunting all at once. “Keep staring like that and I may start thinking that you like what you see.”

I shrunk in my chair, horrified, and immediately looked at Ethan for help. His whole demeanor changed; his grip tightened on my hand and his body went stiff, and his eyes went just as cold and empty as his dad’s. It made me shiver.

“Talk to her like that again and I will fucking end you.” His voice was deadly quiet as he looked at the older man. Mr. Raymond bristled as he regarded his son.

“That a promise?” A slow smile spread across his face.

I had to get out of there.

“Maybe I should leave,” I squeaked, starting to stand up.

“No, stay here, Gia.” Ethan never took his eyes off of his father. “He is leaving.”

“Now is that any way to treat your dad?” Mr. Raymond moved closer to the bed. “I came here to see how my boys are…I already saw Adam, that got me shook up. Glad to see you up and around. I know we’ve been at odds, son, but I’m glad you’re alright.”

“Okay. So, you’ve seen us, and now you can get the fuck out. Don’t bother to come back here.”

“How is your mother?”

Ethan nearly came unglued.

“Don’t you fucking ever ask me anything about my mom,” He bit out. “Get the fuck out. Now, or I will call that nurse and get security up here so fast it’ll make your head spin.” To prove his point Ethan picked up the call bell, looking at his dad challengingly as his thumb hovered over the button.

“Alright…alright.” Mr. Raymond help up his hands in surrender and backed up towards the curtain. “I’m gone. I don’t need you having some sort of episode.” He nodded towards the monitors, which showed that Ethan’s heart rate had gone up exponentially. “Take care of yourself, son. I love you and tell your brother when he wakes up that I was here and love him too.” He looked over at me and nodded once. “Take care, Princess.”

And as suddenly as he had come in, he was gone.

I looked at Ethan, worried. He didn’t say a word, just stared out the window as he continued to hold my hand.

“A-are you ok?” I asked, bracing for whatever response I might get.

“Not really.” He looked at me, unsmiling, and I could see the anger in his eyes. “I’m sorry you had to deal with all of that.”

“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” I held his hand and rubbed the back of it gently, hoping to see some of the tension in his face disappear.

“God, I hate him.” Ethan whispered. “I hate him so much–” His voice caught and his shoulders started to shake. He turned away from me and covered his face with his free hand.

“Oh my gosh, oh no…no…” I scrambled up, almost knocking the chair over. I kicked off my shoes and navigated around the rail to climb into bed next to Ethan. Careful to not hurt him, I pulled him towards me and he allowed himself to lean into me, his face buried in my shoulder as he sobbed. Like, his whole body shaking. It felt like he was releasing years of pent-up grief.

“It’s gonna be okay…it’s okay, babe.” I stroked his hair and held on tight. He cried so hard that his elevated heart rate and blood pressure set off the alarms on his monitors. A nurse rushed in and looked around the curtain. You could tell that she was in mission mode but when she saw what was happening, she slowed her steps, her face softening. I looked over at the monitors and back at her, and she nodded, tiptoeing around the bed. Within an instant, the alarms were silenced and she was gone.

I don’t know how long we stayed there like that, but eventually Ethan’s tears slowed, then stopped, and he took a deep breath. I said nothing, remaining in position until he finally pulled back. He looked so vulnerable and the raw pain in his eyes nearly took my breath away. I held his gaze steadily, hoping that everything I felt for him came across in that moment. I was falling in love with him. No matter what he felt for me, I knew now that taking the risk was the right thing no matter how things ended up. And once I understood that, I felt so much better.

“Can you do me a favor?” He finally asked.

“Of course, anything…what do you need?”

“Stay here with me tonight.”

The next day, I skipped my morning classes to spend a little more time with Ethan before his release. It would be about a week before I could see him again because his mom was instituting a strict no-visitor policy during that time, no exceptions, to allow him to focus solely on his healing during those first few days at home. I spent about a half hour with him and then stopped by Adam’s room.

“Ok, so now I’m starting to think that you’re staying knocked out on purpose just because you don’t want to talk to Rachael and me.” I whispered in his ear, kissing him on the forehead. Adam stirred and muttered something under his breath but didn’t open his eyes. “I hope to hear your crazy laugh again soon, you dope. Rachael will be here later and I’ll be back tomorrow. I love you.”

I looked in the waiting room for Mrs. Raymond to find out if she needed anything before taking Ethan home. Not seeing her, I sat down and decided to give it a few minutes before heading to school, just in case she had gone to the cafeteria or bathroom or something.

“Hi, Gia…can we talk?”

I looked up to find Dinette standing there. I hadn’t seen her since the incident at Ethan’s house. Like all the rest of us, she looked exhausted and sad. I knew she had been coming here to spend time with the boys, Ethan told me.

“What do you want to talk about?”

“Um…can we go somewhere a little more…private?” Since it was daytime, there were a lot of people in the area.

I sighed and shrugged. “Okay, fine.”

Looking around, we decided to go down the hall to the lounge where you could buy snacks and drinks, and it was currently empty. I looked expectantly at Dinette, who sat down in one of the chairs. I chose to stand.

“I want to say that I’m sorry.”

I lifted an eyebrow. “What are you sorry about?”

“For letting you think that something happened between Ethan and me that day…it didn’t. He was in his room when you rang the doorbell and didn’t hear it. I knew it was you…he’d already told me that he was running late to meet you. I can’t even remember now what I had been so upset about.” Dinette sighed deeply. “Anyway, he had just sat back down on the couch and turned to talk to me when you came around the corner, so I grabbed him and put my arms around his neck. If you could have seen his face, you would’ve known right away that he was confused about what I was doing and not happy about it.”

She paused. “We aren’t together.”

“I know. He told me.”

“Yeah. He said he told you everything.” Dinette sounded sad. “We went through a lot of shit together. He’s been my rock for over three years now. I always thought that we would be together…I love him and know he loves me, but not in that way anymore.” She smiled wryly. “He sees me like a friend, maybe even a sister, and that started happening before you came along.

“I honestly just want Ethan to be happy,” she continued, “And, for some reason, you make him as happy as he knows how to be. I wish to God it were me but it isn’t, and I have to learn to stand on my own two feet and not rely on him so much. I know that’s supposed to be a good thing but I really don’t see it right now.”

I took a deep breath and finally sat down next to Dinette. “I don’t know what to say…thank you for telling me the truth about everything. But Ethan hasn’t said anything about wanting to be with me.”

“He does,” Dinette said firmly. “Even if he doesn’t know it yet…I know him and he definitely does, as hard as it is to admit. You better treat him right though!” She smiled and bit her lip. Leaning over, she gave me a quick squeeze.

“Thanks for always being nice to me, even when I was being a bitch to you,” She whispered. “Maybe one day we can be friends.”

I nodded, keeping my expression neutral. “I think that could be okay.”

“One day…but not today.” She clarified with a smile, standing up to leave.

I couldn’t help but laugh. Fair enough…it was going to take me some time, too.

Chapter 21

“Be safe!” I called out. “Make sure you didn’t forget anything. Love you guys, byeeee!”

I closed the front door and leaned back against the cool wood, sliding down into a crouching position before finally planting my ass on the tile floor. I pulled my knees up towards my chest and wrapped my arms protectively around my legs, hugging them. My family had just left for my paternal aunt’s house at Clemmons Beach. While they would be enjoying fun in the sun all weekend, I would be facing the not-so-fun task of tackling the mounds of schoolwork that I had missed during my unplanned time away. All of my teachers granted an extension to turn in everything that I’d missed in exchange for a slightly lower grade, and I would do an alternate performance assignment to get partial credit for dance as well.

I let out a long sigh. The quiet was deafening but welcome, having been around people almost constantly for the past two weeks. It felt as if it had been a long time since I was alone, so I was sort of looking forward to this time even if it would primarily be spent on my computer.

I briefly let my mind wander to Ethan and Adam. Thankfully, they were both now at home under Mrs. Raymond’s watchful eye. We’d all been mostly communicating through group chats and text messages, and sometimes even the occasional phone call. I sure couldn’t wait to see them again in person.

Okay. Time to get started but first things first…breakfast.

Thirty minutes later, I was back in my room and engrossed in International Trade (Mr. Cline would be so proud) while drinking a cup of coffee and eating avocado toast…when I heard the doorbell echoing through the house. I frowned, looking up from my computer. I had no idea who it could be; my family had just left, of course, and Rachael’s relatives were in town, so I wouldn’t be seeing her this weekend. Looking around for my phone to check the cameras, I realized that I had left it in the kitchen.

Defeated, I hauled myself up and headed downstairs. The bell chimed again as I cautiously approached the front door and stood on tip-toes to look through the peephole.

“What the fuck,” I mumbled under my breath, hastily punching in the code to turn off the alarm and undoing the locks. I flung open the door.

“Hey.” Ethan smiled down at me. He looked tired and pale, and there were dark circles under his eyes. “Can I come in?”

“Of course you can!” I grabbed his hand, pulling him inside the house. “I’m happy to see you, but what are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be at home recovering? Should you even be driving?” He nodded.

“Yeah, I should be home recovering but, yeah, I’m cleared to drive. I told my mom that it would do me some good to get out…I’m going batshit crazy inside that house. She thinks I’m at the store getting drinks and snacks, but…I needed to see you. I took a chance that you’d be here.”

I perked up hearing that. “How have you been?”

Ethan didn’t answer right away, but I could see his jaw tick. “It’s been…hard.”

“I’m really sorry.”

We stood there in silence, me still holding his hand. I cleared my throat and looked away from him, feeling awkward under his intense gaze.

“So, um…” I gestured over my shoulder and started fast-talking. “My family is gone for the weekend, I stayed behind to get caught up on my homework. Do you want to come upstairs? I’m doing Econ right now, how boring, right? Oh wait, let me get my phone, and, oh, do you want something to drink–”

I had started moving in the direction of the kitchen, when Ethan pulled me back abruptly into an embrace, pressing his forehead to mine and closing his eyes.

“I’ve missed you,” he whispered, squeezing me tighter.

“I’ve missed you, too.”

Ethan suddenly bent his head and kissed me. It happened so fast that I was caught off guard and instinctively started to resist, but he was not deterred and did not let go.

What was happening?

I hesitated a moment longer and then parted my lips. He moaned and pushed his tongue into my mouth. I sighed and brought my arms up to his neck as he deepened the kiss. I felt his body relax, as though the tension was melting away.

Breaking away first, Ethan’s eyes never left mine as he reached down and began pulling my shirt up and off over my head. He then released my hair from my scrunchie, my curls bouncing down around my shoulders and back. I grew self-conscious as I saw him looking at my breasts held snugly in my black sports bra…and then lower down at my exposed torso. I dropped my eyes shyly towards the floor, but he lifted my chin to make me look at him. His pupils were fully dilated, making his eyes look almost black, and I saw the question they were asking.

Should I let it happen?

“Ethan, what are we doing?” My voice was shaking.

“I want you.” He said simply, pulling me into him. “I need you so much.”

I paused only for a second and then, decision made, nodded. We briefly kissed again before I stepped back, took his hand and silently led him up the stairs.

Once in my bedroom, Ethan took my face into his hands and continued kissing me deeply. Standing next to my bed, I reached up and undid the front zip on my bra, pulling the straps from my shoulders and letting it fall to the floor. My heart raced as I hooked my thumbs in the waistband of my PJ bottoms, pulling them and my panties down simultaneously.

“Oh my god,” Ethan whispered. “You’re even more beautiful than I imagined.”

He gently lowered me down onto the bed and I lay back against the pillows. He stood there for a moment with a look of wonder on his face before joining me on the bed. I closed my eyes and soon found myself enjoying the sensations of him exploring my body. He kissed, licked, and nibbled his way down the sensitive spots on my earlobes and neck and shoulders, and then lingered at my breasts and nipples while his hand slowly made its way lower, coming into contact with my center and feeling just how ready I was for him. I opened my thighs wider, and he took that opportunity to carefully insert his finger a little way inside of me.

“You’re so wet.” He smiled when a small moan escaped me. “I think you like that.”

He continued fingering me for a bit, intently watching my expressions, and eventually brought his fingers to his mouth to suck them clean.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” he reassured, seeing the look on my face when he did that. “You taste so good.”

Shifting above me, Ethan brought his face inches above my own. He looked at me for a long time without saying a word.

“What?” I eventually asked, laughing softly.

He shook his head slowly, closing his eyes like he was under some kind of spell.

“I’m just trying to remember everything,” He whispered. “I never want to forget this.”

Giving me one final look and a quick kiss, Ethan got off of the bed and stripped quickly, not taking his eyes off of me. I unabashedly checked out his body as he abandoned his shirt on the floor and then unzipped his jeans, pulling them down. Oh my god, he was truly gorgeous. All of him. He turned slightly away from me as he stepped fully out of his clothes and the smile vanished from my lips.

“Ethan, wait, I’m not sure that we…that you…” He shook his head, moving back towards me. He knew without me saying it that I had seen the light purplish-bluish-yellowish bruising on his lower left abdomen around his fairly fresh surgical scar and on his chest. I also caught the slight grimace that briefly flashed across his face as he climbed back on the bed. Seeing the resolve in his eyes, I slowly nodded with the understanding that he was not going to change his mind.

“Hold on a second.”

Leaning over towards my nightstand, I opened the drawer and took out a condom package. Rachael had given me a few to keep here in my room and in my purse, insisting that I should always be prepared for the unexpected. She was right, as always.

Ethan smiled and took it from me. I watched with curiosity and anticipation as he tore open the package, removed the condom, and rolled it onto himself and then gingerly moved back between my legs. I’m surprised that he couldn’t hear my heart beating, I was so nervous, and I let out a low, shaky breath.

He hesitated. “Have you…done this before?”

I looked away and shook my head.

“Gia.” He gently grasped my chin and turned my face back towards him. “Are you sure you want to do this? We don’t have to if you aren’t –”

“Yes. I want you to be my first.”

Ethan gave me a small smile and positioned himself above me. He covered my face with soft kisses and then I felt the back of his hand lightly brush against the inside of my thigh as he reached down. Moments later, he was pushing against me. Although I was mentally ready for it, the physical part was something else altogether. I inhaled sharply when he entered me and bit my lower lip to keep from full on crying out.

He froze.

“Keep going,” I whispered.

“Are…are you sure?”

“Yes…please…”

He nodded and slowly continued, stopping every so often to give me a chance to adjust. I found myself holding my breath, as if that would somehow lessen the feeling of being split right up the middle. It didn’t.

“Are you ok?” He asked at each pause, concerned. After the third time he asked, I shook my head.

“Ethan…just do it fast…and yes, I’m sure.”

He looked uncertain as he brought my legs up around his waist, hesitating for just a moment before he took firm hold of my hips and pushed himself completely into me. I whimpered and he went very still, leaning down to kiss me.

“I’m so sorry,” he said under his breath, his lips brushing against my cheek. I opened my eyes to see him looking tearful. “Should…should I stop?”

“No.” I shook my head. “It’s not as bad now…please keep going…”

Ethan nodded and set a gentle pace that I could handle. Once he was sure that I was alright, he resumed stroking my hair, kissing my face and neck and using his mouth to give attention to everywhere he could reach on my body. I realized that I was gripping his shoulders and told myself to relax. Now that the initial pain had passed, his movements inside of me actually started to feel pretty good.

“Do you ever touch yourself when you’re alone, Gia?”

I’m sure that my face turned red. “Yes…”

“Do it now…touch yourself for me…”

I hesitated only for a moment and then nodded, holding his gaze as I let my hand drift downward.

“That’s it,” Ethan whispered, pulling back a little and thrusting more shallowly so he could watch. “Oh my god, that is so fucking sexy…” He closed his eyes, breathing unevenly. “I’m trying to hold on, Gia…I want you to cum but I don’t know if I can wait…”

I barely heard him…a pressure was building in my core and then the wave started…it felt a lot like it did when I pleasured myself, and yet it was different and more intense with him moving in me…I threw my head back, breathing harder, and suddenly my body was racked with wave after wave of orgasm…I cried out Ethan’s name, arching my back.

That sent Ethan over the edge. I opened my eyes to find his locked on my face, his movements becoming faster, and breath ragged as he lifted my legs up over his shoulders for deeper penetration. His eyes suddenly closed and he whispered my name as his body began to shudder.

“Fuck, Gia…oh my god…”

Chapter 22

Ethan carefully maneuvered himself over to my side and then pulled me into his arms, wrapping himself around me and covering me in kisses.

“Are you ok?” He asked, softly kissing my exposed shoulder. I nodded, a small smile on my face.

“I am…thank you.”

“Thank you, my beautiful girl.”

We stayed there like that in contented silence for a few minutes, until I felt the overwhelming need to go get cleaned up. As I made my way to my bathroom, I gave Ethan directions to the guest bathroom and told him to use whatever towels were in the cabinet in there. My legs shook as I showered, and I stood there with the warm water running over me for longer than usual as I replayed what just happened.

I was very thankful in this moment for the secondary handheld shower head, and I used that to let the warm flow of water ease the slight ache I felt between my legs. I watched the slightly pink-tinged water swirl down the drained. Ethan had been so gentle and kind, and for that I was grateful. He made my body respond in ways that I never thought another person would or could make happen. It had been painful, awkward, a little embarrassing, and perfect.

When I finally got back to my bedroom, Ethan was in the bed. He lay on his back with one arm across his face, shielding his eyes. Sound asleep. His breathing was even and he seemed peaceful. I carefully pulled back the covers, not wanting to wake him, to see that he wore only his boxer briefs. I smiled when I also realized that he had found the sheets I kept in the trunk at the end of my bed and changed them. It never ceased to surprise me that someone as intense and intimidating as he was at times could also be so thoughtful and sweet.

I crawled in next to him and pulled the covers up over us. Turning on my side, I laid my head on his chest but couldn’t bring myself to fall asleep. I felt like I needed to keep an eye on him to make sure he was alright, and I also wanted to get my fill of looking at the gorgeous brown-eyed boy who I still could not believe was in my bed…and who I had just given my virginity. On one hand, it seemed like just yesterday when Adam introduced Rachael and me to his mysterious twin brother at registration, and here we were almost seven months later and he had my heart.

I let him sleep, content with laying there and listening to his heart beat. At one point, he began whimpering to the extent that I had to sit up and gently shake his shoulder. I wondered what things past or present haunted his dreams. His eyes flew open and he sat up abruptly, clearly disoriented, but then I could see it all coming back to him. He smiled and pulled me back down with him, gathering me up in yet another tight hug.

“I could stay here all day,” he whispered into my hair. “But I have to go, I’m going to catch hell from my mom when I get back.” He propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at me, staring intensely into my eyes while he brushed his other hand along the side of my face. “You are so, so beautiful.” He kissed me gently on the lips again.

“I wish you could stay, too.” I stretched and then scooted even closer to him. I heard his intake of breath as I lightly ran my fingertips down the center of his chest and across his nipples. He grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips, giving it a gentle kiss.

“You can’t do that…I’ll never get out of here.”

Rachael slowly shook her head. “I’m not sure what shocks me more…that you finally gave up your v-card, that you gave it up to Ethan, or that it happened now in the middle of everything going on. You never fail to surprise me, my sweet friend.” She grinned approvingly.

We were at The Percolator, and it was not lost on me that we were sitting at the very table where I literally bumped into Ethan for the second time last fall.

“I knowwww,” I groaned. “Rachael, what should I do?”

“Um, I hate to tell you this, but you already did it.”

“No! Stop!” I laughed. “I’m being serious.”

“What should you do about what?”

“What if…” I looked down at the table, hesitant to say what I was thinking out loud. “What if it meant more to me than him?”

“Gianna.” Rachael’s voice grew stern. “He clearly cared enough to leave his house and lie about his whereabouts to come see you. He didn’t freak out when he realized what special thing you were giving to him. He didn’t want to leave you. So, I would think that it meant A LOT to him.”

She paused, brow furrowed. “That said, just…stay realistic about this. The dude is carrying a lot of baggage and I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

I nodded, ready to change the subject.

“So, what about you and Adam?” Rachael tensed up.

“What about us?” She asked, guarded.

“I mean…what’s happening with the two of you?”

“That is so, so far from my mind right now.” Rachael sighed. “Adam has a long recovery ahead and if his anxiety was bad before the accident, it’s off the charts now.” She paused, looking out the window.

“I love him,” she confessed softly. “No…I’ve fallen in love with him. But he is so very broken, Gia, and he has made it very clear that door is shut to me. I have to be ok with that.”

“But—”

“No, Gia.” Rachael shook her head firmly. “I’m ok with it. You have to be, too.”

I swallowed and nodded. We sat there looking at each other, her eyes silently communicating everything she could not say.

“It will be okay,” she said reassuringly, patting my hand. “I have to believe that.”

Chapter 23

I took a deep breath and rang the doorbell twice, paused, and then rang it once more. I did a little dance there on the porch while I waited, shaking out my hands in order to dispel some of the nervous energy. I couldn’t wait to see the boys…so much had happened and changed.

I heard a voice on the other side of the door and locks being undone. The door flew open, and I found myself looking up into twinkling green eyes.

“Babe!” Adam shouted, grinning. He reached for me.

“Can I, like, hug you?” I asked cautiously.

“Uh, yeah!” He laughed. “Carefully, but absolutely!”

It was so good to be in his embrace and I started bawling. Normally, Adam would’ve had a field day seeing me cry but this time, he simply kissed the top of my head.

“I missed you too,” he said softly, squeezing me a little tighter.

“Don’t you ever scare us like that again,” I murmured into his t-shirt. He chuckled.

“I’ll try but no promises.” He paused for a moment and then leaned down close to my ear. “I know about you and my brother,” he whispered. I tensed up and tried to pull away, but he held me in place.

“It’s a good thing,” he continued. “He needs you.”

When he released his hold, I pulled back and searched his face. He seemed genuinely happy about it and I was glad to have his support. There was a sadness in his eyes, though, and I wondered if he was thinking about Rachael.

“Hey!” I could hear Ethan in the distance. “Are you two gonna include the rest of us in this reunion or what?”

Adam laughed and pulled me inside. He led the way to the livingroom, and I noted how slowly and carefully he walked. It made my heart ache.

“How long will you be in that?” I asked, looking at the immobilizer on his right arm.

“I don’t know…at least until my 6-week post-op visit.”

“Are you still getting headaches? Does it still hurt to breathe?”

“Yes and yes, sometimes. Dude, I don’t wish this on anybody.”

Rounding the corner, I saw that Logan and Cameron were there, as well as Dinette. I greeted the guys and then awkwardly waved at Dinette. I wasn’t sure what to expect from her, even after our conversation at the hospital, but she gave me a warm smile in return and I relaxed.

Mrs. Raymond came out of the kitchen just then, followed by Rachael. They carried a platter of sandwiches and a huge bowl filled with chip bags.

“Hey, Boo.” Rachael greeted, bumping me with her hip as she passed me.

“Hi Gia.”

“Hi, Mrs. Raymond. Can I help?”

“No, just get ready to eat.” She put the food down on the table and turned to give me a hug.

“Thank you again for everything. I owe you girls so much.” Satisfied with the food spread, she looked around at all of us and then focused on her sons.

“Behave,” she warned, pointing at each of them. “I’ll make your friends leave and you’ll go back on timeout if you overdo it.”

“Yes ma’am.”

I looked over where Ethan sat on the couch. He was already watching me with that lopsided smile.

“Hey,” he looked me up and down as I approached and patted the spot next to him. “Long time no see.”

“Feels like it’s been forever.” I chuckled, shyly avoiding his eyes.

“You know that we need to talk, right?”

I nodded apprehensively. We had texted and talked regularly over the phone during the boys’ lockdown, but agreed that we would wait to talk about what happened between us until we could do it face to face. I wasn’t sure how the conversation would go, so I was a little nervous.

“Yep,” I answered, lightly rubbing his thigh. “We’ll make some time later.”

I excused myself to get something to eat. I went over to the table to make a plate, loading it up with a sandwich and my favorite potato chips.

“Gia, can I talk to you for a minute?” Dinette looked slightly uncomfortable and folded her arms across her chest.

“Uh, sure. What’s up?”

“So, there’s something you should know,” she began, looking down at the floor. I immediately went into guarded mode, my eyes narrowing. What the heck was she getting ready to spring on me now? Had I been an idiot to think I could trust her?

“What is it?” My tone was calm but cool.

Dinette took a deep breath.

“I’m sort of seeing Robin. We ran into each other at The Percolator not too long ago and started talking, and…” She bit her lip. “He asked me out and I said yes.”

“Oh wow,” I blinked, surprised. “You totally caught me off guard with that…I don’t really know what to say but I hope things work out for the two of you. Truly.”

“Thank you.” She smiled, looking relieved. “He’s pretty amazing…and he knows all about my past and is okay with it. I’m also back in therapy and a 12-step program to get completely sober. The accident put things into a different perspective for me.”

My shoulders relaxed, and I saw how stressed she was about her confession. As a matter of fact, everything about her seemed a bit softer now, with much less of a hard edge.

“That’s awesome,” I said sincerely. “I’m really happy for you.”

“Thanks. I wanted you to hear all of this from me and not someone else, or in case you see Robin and me together.”

“I appreciate that.” I hesitated. “He and I are still friends…are you okay with that?”

“I know. He told me and I’m okay with it. Really.” Dinette’s eyes twinkled mischievously. “Just don’t try to get him back. Finder’s keepers.”

We laughed and she looked super happy as she moved on to make her own plate.

“What was that all about?” Ethan raised a questioning eyebrow when I returned to the couch.

“You mean with Dinette? Oh, it’s fine…she let me know that she’s dating Robin.”

“Ah, I see.” He smiled wryly. “I can’t seem to get away from that fucker, but as long as he’s not coming after you, I guess I can live with it.”

“You are terrible!”

“Maybe. But I really hated seeing you with him.” Ethan paused. “So, do you want to get out of here after you finish eating?”

“Won’t it be rude to just leave your friends?”

“Nah. Logan and Cam are playing CoD with Adam, Rachael and Dinette are talking…it’ll be okay for a little while. We can’t go far or be gone too long anyway, you heard Mom.”

I laughed.

“Okay, we’ll go.”

“It was weird not seeing your Jeep when I drove up.”

Ethan I walked down the sidewalk through his neighborhood, pinkies hooked around each other.

“Yeah, I’ll get another one eventually.”

“What will you drive until then?”

“Adam’s truck. It’s not like he’ll be doing a lot of driving right now.”

“Mmm.” I thought about my best friend. “What do you think will happen with him and Rachael?” Ethan shrugged noncommittally.

“I honestly don’t know,” he said. “They seem united in their decision to not be together. They’ll figure it out.”

“I guess.”

We walked along in comfortable silence. It was a beautiful spring night. When we reached the end of the street, we turned and headed back toward the house.

“So…” Ethan said finally.

“So…?” My stomach tensed slightly.

“Um, yeah, so…thank you again for everything…I, uh, it’s not that I’ve ever been super active, I haven’t been, but…I’ve never taken anyone’s virginity before.” Ethan exhaled and stopped walking. “That was the best thing anyone has ever given to me. I’m…honored.” He squeezed my hand.

“Thank you for wanting me,” I replied softly. “And for making my first time really special.”

Ethan smiled.

“Remember that time I took you home from The Percolator, the first time I went to your house and you gave me the tour?”

“Yeah?”

“When you showed me your bedroom and I saw your bed…I wondered then what it would be like to be with you. And it was better than I imagined when it actually happened.”

“Really?”

“Yep.”

“Wow.” My heart was so happy that I wanted to explode.

We stood there grinning at each other like idiots under the street light.

“So, what are we doing?” Ethan looked at me questioningly.

“I don’t know. You said that you’re not ready for a relationship.”

“And that’s still true.” He laughed shakily. “But I think that I want to try. You just…light up my world, Gia. I feel happy when I’m with you, and you accept me for who I am.

“You are the most stubborn, annoyingly scattered, funny, smart, and caring girl that I have ever met. And absolutely the most beautiful.” Ethan suddenly looked concerned. “I’m not overwhelming you with all of this, am I?” I shook my head.

“I love you, Ethan.” I said shyly.

He looked stunned. “Say it again.”

“I love you!”

“Oh my god, Gia.” He gathered me up in a tight hug. “I am so in love with you. I just…I don’t want to fuck this up and disappoint you if I can’t be good at this.”

I smiled and pulled back to give him a quick kiss.

“I don’t know if I’m going to be any good at this either.” I admitted. “So, let’s just take it a day at a time. Ok?”

“I can do that.” Ethan leaned down and kissed me back – long, deeply, and filled with promise.

-End