CH 1-10

Summary

Gia McLaughlin is excited for her senior of high school and making memories with her two best friends, Rachael and Adam. When Adam’s twin brother, Ethan, arrives in Westbrook to finish high school with them and escape his past, she finds herself navigating new relationships, heartbreaking family secrets, and falling in love.

Chapter 1

I thought that I knew almost every square inch of this place, I thought to myself, frowning as I zoomed in on the picture of the schedule on my phone, as if that would magically tell me where to find my American Government class. Room 302B.

Right building? Check.

Third Floor? Check.

I glanced up at the small black numbers over the doorways of the two corner classrooms in front of me, 302 on the left and 304 on the right. Room 303 was across the hall. So where is freaking 302B?

“Are you looking for Economics?”

“Yes!” I smiled gratefully at the teacher who walked up, an older man in probably his mid-60s who looked like someone’s kind and cuddly grandfather. “For some reason I can’t find this classroom.”

“Yeah, it kind of messes everyone up,” he chuckled. He pointed down the short corridor in between the two classrooms. “You see that sign straight ahead that says ‘Staff Only?’ Well, just to the left of that door, and I know it’s hard to see from here, you’ll find 302B.”

“Oh wow, I never would have found that!”

“It’s technically Room 302 divided into two sections. This corridor takes you around to that section of the room without having to walk through and disturb the class in front. I had a sign up here on the wall showing the way to the room, not sure where it went.”

“Oh, ok, that makes sense, I guess. Well, thank you…” I looked at the ID badge hanging around his neck from a lanyard. “Mr. Cline.”

“You are very welcome and I look forward to seeing you on Monday.”

Of course he was the teacher. I laughed quietly as I mentally checked this one off of my ‘found’ class list. I was sort of dreading the class but maybe he’ll make it tolerable.

Only one more class to hunt for now: French Year 4. Then I could go find Rachael and Adam.

Today is the Wednesday before school starts, senior year, and I’m knee deep in the adventure of navigating class registration. I know it’s probably lame, but I look forward to it every year – starting out in the cafeteria to hear Principal Avery give the exact same welcome back speech every time; setting up my locker in just the right way; comparing schedules with friends; and the general chaos of hundreds of students and parents crowding the hallways to find out where classes are located. Maybe even meet the teachers who show up. This whole ritual helps me to transition back into the school mindset after 12 glorious weeks of summer. This year in particular was bittersweet since it would be my last at Westbrook High.

Jumping back into the fray, I weaved my way through the sea of bodies. There was an exit at the end of this hallway leading downstairs to the outside and from there I could get over to the language arts building. I was beginning to sweat a tiny bit with all of the body heat around me and desperately wanted to put up my thick curly hair, but senior photos were coming up a little later in the afternoon and I couldn’t risk the potential frizz from manipulating it.

Spotting the exit door just ahead, I took a deep breath and plowed ahead. I don’t know if it was intentional or accidental, but someone bumped into me from behind, propelling me forward, and my shoulder knocked pretty hard into the person on my left going in the opposite direction.

“Oh!” I squeaked, startled. Looking up, my heart skipped a beat. In front of me was the cutest boy I had seen in a long while.

He quickly grabbed my arm to keep me from stumbling and taking us both down, and I found myself looking into his gorgeous chocolate brown eyes. I blinked in surprise at the electric tingle that went through me at his touch, and I wondered if he felt it too.

“Careful,” he said softly, a small smile on his lips. His voice was deep and gravely.

“S-Sorry!” I stuttered, trying to pull myself together.

“It’s all good.” And he continued moving past me.

The whole encounter literally took seconds, but it felt like time stopped for a moment, as corny as that sounds. There was something vaguely familiar about him that I couldn’t put my finger on. I looked over my shoulder just in time to see him looking back at me, too, before losing sight of him in the crowd.

For a split second, I thought about turning around, but then common sense took over. It would be nearly impossible to find him now, and I didn’t want to risk being late to meet Adam and Rachael. Pushing open the exit door and hustling down the stairs, I could only hope that I would see him again.

“You’re wearing that!?”

Rachael Gutierrez, my soul sister, eyed me critically when I found her in the cafeteria a little later. We’ve known each other since 5th grade and have been pretty much attached at the hip ever since.

At that comment, I gave her the once over. In her typical aspiring-to-be-an-art-school-girl fashion she wore black harem pants and gladiator sandals, some sort of red blousy top that fell in a strategic way off one shoulder, and her nearly waist-length purple-brown hair was pulled up into an intricate up-do held in place with a pair of bedazzled chopsticks. She is tall, curvy, and absolutely beautiful.

I then looked down at myself, noting my vintage low-rise distressed jeans, Ramones t-shirt, and off-white Chucks. I saw absolutely nothing wrong with what I had on. As I took a breath and prepared to argue my case, Rachael held up a hand.

“I don’t give a shit about your excuses,” she stated bluntly. “It’s Senior Picture Day.”

“Informal Senior Picture Day,” I corrected, loving the idea of the candid shots that I could pass out to friends and use in my graduation announcement way more than the formal yearbook photo which would require me to wear the dreaded black velvet drape.

Rachael sucked her teeth. “Informal, schmormal. Look. I don’t expect you to be me, y’know? But Jesus, would it have killed you to pretend that you care, even a little?”

“But I don’t care. Not even a little.” I paused. “Well, maybe a little, I did put on makeup.”

I scanned the gym, unfazed by Rachael’s lecturing. I loved that we have the kind of relationship where we could be real with each other without hurt feelings most of the time. She was truly like another sister to me.

“Hey, so where’s the Raymond boy?” I asked, looking around.

“There ain’t no boys here, only men!”

Turning with a smile, I found myself looking up into Adam’s twinkling green eyes. He laughed and pulled me into a one arm hug, letting it drape casually across my shoulders. He made a fist with his free hand and playfully punched Rachael on the shoulder. She frowned and poked out her lips.

“So how come Gia gets greeted with open arms and I get attacked?”

“Love taps, babe, love taps.” Adam let me go and ran a hand through his already-tousled brown hair. He lifted his chin questioningly. “Have you seen my brother? I left the house before he did, but he should be here by now.”

Adam joined our little two-person squad at the start of sophomore year. Rachael and I couldn’t help but notice the lanky kid with acne weaving his way in and out of the registration lines, loudly cracking jokes with anyone who crossed his path and got them laughing in spite of themselves. When he finally made his way over to us, I guess we made an impression because he stuck around. Three years later, Adam was 6’1″ and filled out, and had beautiful skin as well as an incredibly charming smile to go along with the jokes. He was also genuinely nice and liked by pretty much everyone who meets him. It’s no wonder girls threw themselves at him all the time but he didn’t seem to care. Relationships were too much work as far as he was concerned.

Rachael shook her head, popping a piece of mint gum into her mouth. She immediately took another stick out of her pack, unwrapped it, and held it out towards Adam who removed it from her fingers with his teeth. This had been their daily ritual for months now.

“Not that we would know what he looked like since we’ve never seen him before,” she commented. “But he shouldn’t be too hard to spot, right?”

“Tut-tut, don’t assume.” He wagged his finger at her. “Just because we’re twins doesn’t mean we look exactly alike.”

“Especially if you’re fraternal twins,” I added and Adam nodded, pleased.

“You are correct, grasshopper, we are.”

“Hey.” I frowned. “Why is it that we’re just meeting your brother after three years?”

“Dude, you knew he didn’t live with me…”

“Well, yeah, duh…but to never meet him before now?” I thought back to the photos around Adam’s house, and the only one I could recall seeing was the two of them at around eleven or twelve years old, maybe younger. I certainly would never have connected Adam with the boy in the photo, let alone the brother I had never met.

Adam shrugged.

“I don’t see where it’s that big of a deal. He’s not as interesting as I am anyway.”

If anything, Adam’s brother had been some kind of mythical beast in my mind. Not much had been said about Ethan except that when their parents split up the summer after freshman year, Adam moved here to Westbrook with their mom and he chose to stay with their dad in Hartfield, two towns over. He apparently just moved to Westbrook this past weekend for senior year.

“Oh, there he is.” Adam rose up to his full height and brought the thumb and middle finger on his left hand to his mouth, emitting an ear-piercing whistle. “Get over here, fucker!”

Rachael gave me a quick glance, brows lifted. I shook my head and laughed. That was typical Adam. I looked in the direction he was facing and froze.

“That’s your brother?!”

Ethan approached Adam and they gave each other the “bro” hug – a quick lean with a slap on the back – then stepped back and grinned at each other. Well, Adam grinned and Ethan smirked. I looked back and forth between them. They shared the same wavy dark brown hair and tall, muscular build, and I could see some similarities in their faces comparing them now side by side. But where Adam’s fun-loving and extroverted nature was reflected in his warm smile and approachability, Ethan gave off more of a brooding, hands-off, enigmatic vibe. He gazed down first at Rachael and then me, and I found myself once again looking into the hypnotic chocolate brown eyes that made me tingle earlier on the 3rd floor. My stomach flip-flopped as I looked away.

Adam made casual introductions. “Ethan, this is Rachael and this is Gia.” He pointed at each of us as he said our name, lightly pushing our forehead with his finger. Rachael grunted and swatted his hand away.

“Hey,” Ethan said quietly, his eyes not leaving mine.

“Hi…again.”

Adam looked at me and then his brother, confused.

“You two already know each other?”

Ethan laughed. “You could say that.”

“Hi babe.” A petite brunette in a baby blue maxi dress suddenly appeared at Ethan’s side, leaning into his shoulder. She looked up at him with an intimate little smile. I was inwardly surprised at the little pang of disappointment and jealousy that washed over me. I covertly checked Ethan’s face for his reaction to her. He gave away nothing, only lifted his brow at her in greeting before turning his attention back to his brother, Rachael and me. She looked satisfied and eyed us rather dismissively.

“Hey. I’m Dinette.” She said this vaguely, to no one in particular. Her gaze then landed on yours truly, her eyes widening ever-so-slightly in surprise.

“I thought I heard this was picture day. Is that what you’re wearing?”

Adam laughed outright and Rachael turned to me with a gleeful “I told you so!” look on her face. I was steaming inside but responded only with a casual laugh. Ethan said nothing but when I snuck another peek at him, he was still watching me, his head tilted a bit to the side and that small smile on his face. I met his gaze briefly and then nervously cleared my throat as I averted my eyes. He chuckled.

“Let’s go,” he said suddenly to Dinette, and to us, “We have one more class to find and then we’ll do the photos. See you later.” Dinette gave us a small wave and, glancing once more at my jeans, meekly followed him. Okay, could you be any more annoying!?

Rachael, Adam, and I made our way to the main auditorium to take photos, yapping and gossiping the entire way. I was glad to have the distraction to keep me from thinking too hard about Ethan. In my mind’s eye, I kept seeing his face, him practically looking through me with curiosity and wearing that crooked smile. Just thinking about him made something in my chest and stomach tighten with anticipation. I’d never felt this way before but knew in my heart that, somehow, as crazy as it sounded even in my own head, he was going to be something big in my life. And that sort of scared me.

Chapter 2

“Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. You have made it to the last class of your first day.” The young teacher turned to the whiteboard and began writing in big, swooping script with a green dry erase marker. “I’m Ms. Lee and this is AP Psychology.” She put down her marker and faced us once again.

“I’ll pass out the class syllabus momentarily, but we won’t discuss it until tomorrow. I highly doubt that you’ll retain any more new detailed information today. So, what I would like for us to do is spend the next 45 minutes getting to know each other.” This announcement was immediately met with sighs and groans. Ms. Lee dismissed the protests, scanning the rows with her watery blue eyes.

“Okay,” she said finally. “We have 23 students present, which will make things a little uneven but it can work. I want everyone in the first and third rows to turn around and face the student seated behind you. That person will be your partner for this exercise.”

Great, I thought, sinking down in my chair. Of course, me being me, I picked a third-row seat with no one behind me. I’ll just bet Ms. Lee ends up being my partner. Sure enough, I catch her looking at me.

“Um…you are?” She glanced at a paper on her desk, which I took to be the class roster.

“Gia McLaughlin.”

“Ah, yes. Gianna.” I cringed at the use of my government name.

“Okay.” She gave me a wide smile. “Looks like I will be your partner.”

Great.

As Ms. Lee walked towards me, the classroom door suddenly swung open. Stewing in annoyance about being paired up with the teacher, I was only half-paying attention when I shot an irritated glance in that direction. She looked over, too, halting in place.

“Hi,” she cautiously greeted the newcomer. “Do you belong here?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“And you are?” She returned to her desk and picked up the roster once more.

“Ethan Raymond.”

“Okay Ethan. Welcome. You can have a seat behind Gianna over there and partner with her for the exercise we are about to start.”

His eyes eventually landed on me, flickering with recognition, and I felt my pulse quicken. I thought I saw a corner of his mouth briefly turn up as he began moving in my direction. He had on black joggers, a dark gray hoodie, and black high-top skaters. His hair looked as though he had been raking his hand through it repeatedly – probably in agitation while looking for this class, was my bet. I did not immediately turn around as he approached but could feel his presence behind me, shuffling books and his backpack before settling into the seat.

“As I was saying…” Ms. Lee paced slowly at the front of the room, eyebrows furrowed in thought. “This will be a getting-to-know-you exercise. Almost like speed dating.” She chuckled to herself at her own cleverness. “I want you to ask each other as many questions as you can in the allotted time. You’re going to want to pay attention because you will all be required to share at least three facts about your partner with the rest of the class afterwards. Okay?” She nodded and did a little spinney-circle motion at us with her pointer finger. “Go ahead and face your partner.”

Nervously, I swung my chair around.

“Hi,” I croaked, clearing my throat.

“Hey.”

“So, who should start?” He responded with a shrug.

Ohh-kaay.

“Class.” Ms. Lee glanced down at her watch. “You have approximately 10 minutes total to ask questions of your partners. After about five minutes, I’ll signal for the switch. You may begin … now.”

I took a deep breath and turned my attention back to Ethan. He was watching me intently; one corner of his mouth once again slightly upturned in amusement. His eyes absolutely killed me, I could lose myself in those chocolate pools, and his lips were utterly kissable. He had a splash of freckles across his nose that you could only see up close like this, just like his brother. I don’t think I quite appreciated just how good looking he was from our first meeting at registration, in a way that was the same but different than Adam, and my mind went completely blank. I must have been staring for a while because he eventually laughed, leaning forward over the desk.

“The clock is ticking, Gia.” His voice had a sexy, flirtatious quality to it.

“Oh! Oh…right,” I whispered, flustered. “Sorry. So…um, when’s your birthday?” Ethan looked incredulous.

“The same as Adam’s. November 2nd.” I could have died on the spot, I completely forgot.

“I know that!” I laughed nervously. “I’m just trying to lighten things up.” Ethan nodded skeptically and waited for my first “real” question.

“Um, do you speak any languages besides English?” I inwardly groaned. The question was passable but still kind of weird.

“Yeah, Spanish.”

“Really?” My eyes widened. “Why?”

He lifted a brow. “Why what?”

“I mean…why Spanish?”

“My mom is from Spain. She speaks it and so I wanted to know, too, and always took it in school.”

“Wait. Does Adam speak Spanish?”

“Aren’t you two best friends? Why don’t you already know this?”

“He never mentioned it and it didn’t occur to me to ask with the last name Raymond.” I retorted. “Also, he takes French.”

Panic was setting in…what else should I ask?

Think!!

“Okay, so…what do you do for fun?” I finally asked.

“Oh, thank God, finally a decent question. It depends.”

“On?”

“On who I’m with and what sounds fun in the moment …”

“You’re not making this easy, Ethan!”

“I never said I would.” He smiled.

I huffed and sat back, crossing my arms over my chest.

“You are nothing like your brother,” I complained.

“Why would I be? We may be twins but we’re still our own people, Gia.”

I remember Adam saying something similar to Rachael at registration. They must get compared a lot.

And why do I get butterflies in my stomach whenever he says my name?

“Time!” Ms. Lee’s voice rang out.

“My turn.” Ethan looked thoughtful for a moment. “What do you do for fun?”

“Well…I read, listen to music, and hang out with your brother and Rachael.” I smirked at him. “See? That’s a good answer to that question.”

“How old are you?”

“Nineteen.” Again, his brow lifts.

“A story for another time. Next question.”

Ethan’s face grew serious. He leaned forward again, as if he were about to share a secret. I found myself being drawn in and leaned forward, too.

“Do you know how beautiful you are?” he asked softly. I flushed, jerking back as though he had slapped me in the face.

“Seriously?!” I gave my best stink eye. “Don’t you have a girlfriend?”

“Hmm, I thought I was asking the questions now? But I will say that I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying that to you since it’s true.” Ethan sat back and folded his arms across his chest too. The longer he gazed at me, the more anxious I became. My right knee began to involuntarily bounce.

“Stop…looking at me,” I mumbled, looking down at the desk.

“Why?”

“You’re making me nervous.”

“Am I?” Ethan leaned forward yet again, smiling, trying to catch my eye.

“Time’s up!” Ms. Lee clapped her hands a couple of times and cleared her throat.

“All right. We actually went a little over on the interview part, so we’ll have to cut the intros a bit short. I’m trying to get you all out of here a little early today. Keep it at a minute or under, please.” She paused and looked around the room. “Let’s start over here and work our way around.” I saw that she was motioning to the side of the room opposite from where Ethan and I sat, and my shoulders dropped in relief. I had time to pull myself together after that disconcerting little exchange.

I had to admit that this whole getting to know you thing ended up being pretty fun. There were some really interesting people in our class. One guy in the second row, Robin Tolley, raced motorcycles in his spare time and Drea Edmonds, whom I’ve known since middle school and was also in my dance classes, spent the summer backpacking through Europe with her older sisters. Ethan and I went last.

“Gianna.” Ms. Lee prompted. I was gonna have to pull her aside and inform her about my preferred name.

I cleared my throat and vaguely motioned behind me with my thumb, not turning around.

“So, this is Ethan Raymond. This is his first year at Westbrook HS and he has a twin brother that goes here. He speaks Spanish and, ah, has different interests depending on his mood and who he’s with.” I cleared my throat again and stopped. Ms. Lee was nodding encouragingly, waiting for me to continue. It took a moment for her to realize that I was finished.

“Great! Thanks.” She smiled and indicated to Ethan that he could start. I could feel him staring at the back of my head.

“Gia McLaughlin. She reads, hangs out with my brother and their other best friend, and listens to music. She gets flustered when complimented.” The class snickered as Ms. Lee told us we could leave. I stood up quickly, burning with shame.

“That wasn’t cool,” I grumbled, gathering up my books. Ethan, who was about to walk away, turned back towards me with a blank look on his face.

“How so?”

“I mean, did you really need to bring up the whole compliment thing, and it doesn’t feel like I learned much about you at all.”

He regarded me for a moment, then gave what I am beginning to recognize as his signature lopsided smile.

“It’s really not that serious, Gianna. See you tomorrow.”

“Your brother is a total douche.”

Adam snorted, not taking his eyes from his phone screen. We were laid out across my bed, waiting for Rachael to arrive.

“Who, Ethan?” he questioned, continuing to text. “Nah, he’s actually really cool people. What did he do to piss you off?”

“Well, not piss me off, it’s just …” and I told him about the Psych class introductions, leaving out the part where he told me that I’m beautiful. That was just too embarrassing to bring up. Adam stopped texting and watched me with amusement. I was really beginning to see the resemblance between the brothers, with the entertained look currently on his face and his mouth turning up at one corner in the same way.

“Yeah, sounds about right.” He laughed, fondly. “Ethan wasn’t trying to fuck with you though. He’s just kind of intense and private…and extremely blunt. Even more than me!”

“Well, I felt like an idiot anyway.” I bit my lip and looked down. “So, what’s the story with him and Dinette?” Adam returned to texting.

“Let’s just say that I’m not a fan.”

“Why not?”

“She’s manipulative, drinks too much, and is possessive as fuck.” He sighed and glanced at me, a rare grim look on his face. “That’s part of the reason she’s no longer his girlfriend.”

“Wait, what? Are you serious? He let me believe they were still together. Now I am pissed off!”

“That’s on you for assuming, my dear.”

“He never said they weren’t together!”

“But did he say that they were?” My silence confirmed the answer.

“Look, for whatever it’s worth, they’ll sometimes let people believe they are together to keep the predators away…they’re still close and look out for each other. I mean, they were involved for, what, three years? She transferred schools too and drives all the way across town to stay close to him, even though they broke up. I guess it works for them and he’s not looking for another relationship anyway.”

The whole thing sounded kind of twisted to me, but I decided not to say that part out loud.

“Why did he move back senior year?” I knew that I was being incredibly invasive, but curiosity was getting the best of me.

“You’re asking an awful lot of questions.” Adam put down his phone to look straight at me now. “What’s up with that? Are you interested in my brother?”

“What?! No!! I hardly know him. Just being nosey,” I mumbled, mindlessly piling my hair on top of my head while we talked. “I mean, you’re one of my best friends and I want to know about the people who are important to you. Heck, I’m beginning to think I don’t really know you either!”

Adam, looking somewhere between nervous and offended, sat up. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“It’s just that ever since Ethan showed up, I realized there are so many things about you that I don’t know.” Adam picked up my hand and squeezed it.

“You and Rach are my best friends,” he said with sincerity. “I promise, you two know everything about me that really matters right now.”

“Alright. Okay, I believe you.” We sat in comfortable silence until I suddenly had a thought.

“By the way, Adam Raymond.” I pinched his arm. “How come I didn’t know all this time that you’re Spanish?”

“You never asked. I’m only half anyway.”

“Yeah, I know that now.” I thought about Mrs. Raymond. Although divorced from the boys’ dad she kept his last name. She works a lot and never speaks much when we are over there. I never would have guessed she is Spanish.

“Do you speak Spanish too?”

“Sort of…I learned the curse words.”

Chapter 3

Beep…Beeeep…BEEEP…BEEEP…

Groaning, I rolled over and grabbed my phone, hitting the snooze button. I reaallly didn’t want to go to school, preferring to stay snuggled up in bed. Wrapping my comforter tightly around my body, I slowly drifted off once more into La-La Land. 30 minutes later, not only was the backup alarm going off but my mother also stood there squawking.

“Honest to god, Gia!” She shook her head, annoyed. “Second day of school and this already?! Get. Up.”

Throwing off the comforter, I sat up and glared at my mom’s retreating back. One does not simply get over twelve weeks of sleeping in just like that. Sighing, I checked my phone and my eyes widened. 8:05AM and school starts in 15 minutes. Shit! I’m definitely going to be late.

I had actually hadn’t thought much about Ethan with all of my rushing around until lunchtime. I was excited to be having lunch with Rachael and Adam for the first time since sophomore year. I was already seated at a table in the cafeteria with my food spread out when they walked up together. He was holding a lunch tray.

“Where’s yours?” I asked Rachael, taking a bite of my apple.

“Right there,” she responded, pointing at the tray Adam had just plopped down on the table. He swung a leg over the bench and sat across from me.

“I’m sharing her food,” he explained. “The least I could do is carry it.”

“How are your classes so far?” Rachael sat down next to him, pushing her sunglasses up on top of her head. It seemed like everything on her face sparkled, from her eyeshadow to cheeks to lips, and I grinned. My girl definitely marches to her own beat and it somehow always works perfectly.

“Okay.” I shrugged. “Kinda hard to know two days in.”

“Except Psych class.” Adam waggled his eyebrows and nudged Rachael’s shoulder with his own. “She was partnered up with my brother and got a taste of his engaging personality.”

Rachael looked intrigued.

“Well now…do tell!” I could feel myself blushing as I recounted the story, again leaving out the compliment part but whole-heartedly including the douche part.

“Interesting.” She furrowed her brow. “I don’t think that makes him a douche though…maybe a little intense? Maybe even kind of funny? But definitely not a douche.”

I was slightly anxious as I walked into sixth period later that afternoon. Ethan was already there in his seat when I arrived, leaned back with eyes closed and headphones on. Taking a chance, I snuck a peek at him as I busily arranged myself to sit down. My god, he has an absolutely gorgeous face. His eyes suddenly opened, and I hurriedly looked away.

“Hey,” I mumbled, trying to appear casual.

“Hey. Have you recovered from yesterday?” A wicked grin spread across his face.

I sucked my teeth and busied myself with arranging my books on my desk, ignoring him. He laughed.

We didn’t speak again during class. I found myself zoning out a little during the lecture, taking notes here and there. Just knowing Ethan was behind me was nerve-wracking, although he made no effort whatsoever to get my attention. When class ended, he gathered up his books and backpack and was one of the first out the door. It surprised me to realize that I felt a little hurt and annoyed that he essentially ignored me. I mean, what did I do to him? He could have said goodbye.

Stepping out into the hallway, I pushed my way into the crowd and looked around. A short distance away, I spotted him walking with Dinette towards the student parking lot. It looked like they were arguing. What bothered me almost as much as seeing them together was the fact that it mattered to me at all.

“Hey Gia!”

“Gia!”

I didn’t have any more time to think about weird ass Ethan. Putting a big smile on my face, I turned to greet my two best friends as they walked towards me.

“Yo, Gia, that was sick, Babe!” Adam’s voice rang out across the small auditorium. “You got this!”

He and Rachael had accompanied me to my after school audition in preparation for the winter dance concert. Yes, school had just started this week and the show was literally months away, but my dance teacher was a perfectionist and it was never too early to start preparing as far as he was concerned. Twelve of us were here to try out for principal roles in the production.

Mr. Gearhardt sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. His other hand, in which he held his clipboard, dropped defeatedly at his side.

“Mr. Raymond.” He turned away from the group of us on stage with him, shielding his eyes from the blinding lights as he looked out into the audience and found Adam, parked in the second row. “I see – and hear – that you have decided to join us yet again this year to cheer on Miss McLaughlin in her dance endeavors.”

“Hell yeah, Mr. Gearhardt!” Adam clapped loudly. “I want her to feel supported during her audition!” Rachael was next to him and nodded approvingly, a big smile on her face.

“Language, please. And trust me, Mr. Raymond,” the older man looked back at us with something close to affection on his face. “She’s got it under control. They all do. So if you’d like to stay, you know the rules: Quiet in my auditorium!”

“Yessir.”

Smiling, I bent down to secure the ace bandage around my ankle, wanting to stabilize and avoid rolling it in class like it did several times last school year. Stacey Meadows slipped up next to me.

“When are you going to introduce me to Adam? I’ve been asking you forever.” She pouted. “I should just go do it myself.”

“You can try.” I shrugged, straightening up.

“You’re just selfish…keeping him all to yourself!”

I laughed, bending into a side stretch. “Adam keeps Adam to himself.”

Stacey turned on her heel, annoyed, returning to her position on the stage. Her long brown ponytail whipped around and came dangerously close to my face, and I briefly considered saying something to her about that.

“I’ll take his brother,” Veronica Mattson quietly said under her breath so that only those of us close to her could hear. She was shielding her eyes in the same way Mr. Gearhardt had, scanning the audience. “Have y’all seen him yet? I think he just walked in.”

My head snapped up and I, too, blocked the glare from the lights and squinted out across the house. Adam and Rachael had moved more towards the back of the room where Ethan stood near the exits.

What was he doing here? I had seen him leave with Dinette after Psych, or so I thought, but there he was, leaning against the wall with arms folded, eyes on me. I gave a little wave and saw his hand go up briefly in acknowledgement.

“Okay, let’s get started.” Mr. Gearhardt glanced over at his assistant and nodded for her to queue up the music.

Group auditions wrapped up 45 minutes later and I was a complete wreck by the time I left the stage. Once we got started dancing, I couldn’t see out into the void but it was strange to know that Ethan was watching, and even more disconcerting was that I could feel his eyes on me…every move, every turn, every bend, every arch of my back…I know it’s crazy but I felt like I was performing just for him, and there was something hanging unspoken in the air between us.

Of course, Negative Gia had to have her say as well…I started worrying about how I looked in my athletic shorts, if he thought I had danced well, and whether or not he would be able to tell how sweaty I was when I joined them. I shook my head slightly as I stuck my feet into my slides and grabbed my backpack. Stop it…he is in YOUR space, uninvited. What he sees is what he gets! I nodded to myself and relaxed my shoulders.

“Awesome, babe!” Adam met me halfway up the aisle as I walked towards them, holding both hands up for a double high five. I obliged and then allowed him to pull me into a hug. He walked me over towards the other two.

“You were amazing up there, as usual.” Rachael added as we approached. “No wonder Mr. G. loves you.”

“He must, he puts up with you guys crashing the scene…I guess he knows that we’re a package deal,” I joked, putting my arm around Adam’s waist. “You guys are gonna get me booted out of here one of these days though.”

“Nah,” Rachael shook her head. “He needs you more than you need him.”

“I think my credits towards graduation would say otherwise.”

Ethan didn’t speak but his gaze was steadily on me, and my eyes met his momentarily. I gave him a quick smile and turned back to Adam, who was speaking.

“Dude,” He addressed his brother. “What do you think? She’s good, right? She’s been dancing for, like, all of her life.”

I laughed. “Not quite, but definitely since middle school.”

“Yeah, she’s good.” Ethan agreed. “Really good.”

“Thanks!” I felt happy and seen by my friends.

“Let us know when your show is,” Ethan suddenly bent down towards me, and I could feel his warm breath on my cheek and his voice near my ear. “I’ll come.” I nodded wordlessly, my stomach in knots, and I gripped my backpack a little tighter. I didn’t dare look at him. Out the corner of my eye, I saw him smile in a way that told me he knew what he had done to me. I was hyper-aware of him after that, flushed and practically vibrating. I think I would have jumped out of my skin at that point if he touched me at all.

“Gia and I are going to get something to eat right now,” Rachael announced. “Do you guys want to come?”

“Uh, can’t.” Adam said quickly, glancing at his phone nervously. “We have to be somewhere. Bro, we have to go.” Ethan nodded and, saying their goodbyes, they quickly left.

Rachael and I looked at each other. What was that all about?

Chapter 4

“I mean, don’t you think…it’s strange that…Adam is our best friend … and we…hardly know anything…about him?”

Rachael remained silent as she meticulously spread a second coat of metallic pearl polish over her right big toe. I continued doing jumping jacks alongside the couch, mentally counting off each time I brought my arms up over my head.

“Well,” Rachael finally looked up from her feet. “Guys don’t usually share all of their private stuff, not like you and I do for instance.” She shrugged. “What is it you think we don’t know anyway?”

I reached twenty-five and then flopped down next to her, taking several deep breaths to calm my elevated heart rate.

“Well. For starters, what happened that just he and his mom moved here? Why did Ethan stay with his dad and why is he here now? I don’t know, maybe you’re right … you and I know almost everything about each other, and maybe I just feel like we should be that close with them too.” I laughed. “Crazy, right?” Rachael shook her head and went back to painting her toes.

“Nah, I get it.” She grew thoughtful. “Adam jokes around and laughs a lot and all that, but he is just as intense and private as Ethan seems to be in some ways.”

“You think so?”

“I know so. He shows it in very subtle ways. He keeps things very lighthearted and unserious. He never lets anyone dig too deep. And have you noticed how he just disappears sometimes and we don’t hear from him for days, and he misses school?”

“You have a point.” I yawned and reached for my green juice, deciding to let the topic drop for the time being. I certainly didn’t want to come off as obsessive. “I am feeling so LAZY!! What’s going on tonight?”

“Not much,” Rachael admitted. “HOWEVER, we are NOT staying in, as much as I love coming to your house.”

She and Adam really do love coming to my house. My parents are often gone on tour, and so my siblings and I have been given a huge amount of independence all of our lives, with the understanding that a high level of accountability and responsibility comes with the freedoms we have. The same privileges and expectations have always been extended to our friends when they are in our home as well. Nobody is ever treated like a kid in the McLaughlin household.

“So, what are we doing then?”

“Let’s go to Green Street Records and then see what happens.” Rachael suggested.

“Say less.” I jumped up, quickly gulping down the rest of my drink. “Let me get a hoodie and we’ll leave.”

We decided to enjoy the beautiful Saturday evening by walking to the record shop, which is about 20 minutes away from my house. It made me happy to hear the leaves crunching underneath my slides and feel the slight chill in the air; Fall was my favorite time of year. Rachael kept up a steady stream of dialogue as we trudged along, catching me up on her latest girl crush, a tall red head from her sculpting class.

“What happened to Drew? The teaching assistant at Forsythe Community College?”

“Oh, he is definitely still around.” She grinned wickedly, and I rolled my eyes.

“God, you are such — “

Rachael chortled. “Don’t you even think about saying it!”

Green Street Records was probably my favorite place in our city. I had a decent size vinyl collection, easily over 100 albums, and I tried to pick up at least 1-2 new albums a month. Although my parents were jazz musicians, they raised us listening to all kinds of music, so I took a lot of pride in my eclectic tastes. The money I made from running their social media accounts mostly went to supporting my vinyl habit.

Tonight, however, I left empty-handed.

“Dis-ap-pointed!” I wailed miserably.

Rachael scoffed. “Oh please,” she said, not an ounce of pity in her voice. “You’ll go back in a week or two and find something. All will be right in your world. You wanna get coffee?”

And with the thought of indulging in my second biggest habit, I nodded contentedly.

It was funny to me that The Percolator was this major hub of activity for us local high schoolers. Westbrook was not a major city by any means but big enough that there were plenty of options for how to spend a Saturday night, yet everyone seemed to want to congregate at this funky lil’ coffeehouse four doors down from the record store. Tonight was no different, and I was assaulted by a wave of coffee smells and body heat and noise and music as I pushed my way through the door, with Rachael right on my heels.

“Do you see a table?” I asked, squinting as I surveyed the dimly lit space. There was a mix of couches, overstuffed chairs, and tables strategically placed around the room. Every single one was occupied. I knew that there was more seating downstairs in the basement, but that area was a lot more industrial with grayish concrete walls and felt more closed in and prison-like. I made every effort to not to go down there unless absolutely necessary.

“Yeah, I do.” Rachael was already moving quickly towards the windows. “I see someone getting up. Why don’t you order our drinks and I’ll grab it. The usual,” She called over her shoulder.

I gave her a small salute and got in line. Thankfully, there were only a few people ahead of me. I felt myself starting to get a little warm as I stood there, so I took my handy-dandy pink scrunchie that travels with me everywhere from my wrist and started pulling my hair up into a pineapple on top of my head.

“Yeah, it is definitely warm in here!” A kind of familiar yet unfamiliar male voice commented behind me. A little startled, I glanced over my shoulder and smiled as I recognized the face.

“Robin! Hey!”

“Hey yourself, Gia.”

Robin was the motorcycle racer from Psych. This was only the second class we had together throughout all of high school and we never talked before, so I didn’t know much about him other than what I learned during intros, but he had always given me the impression of being super chill.

“Are you here by yourself?” He asked, moving up so that we stood side by side. As he smiled down at me, I noted his perfect white teeth and dark blue eyes.He was not as tall as Adam and Ethan but I still had to tilt my head back a little to look into his face. I took in everything from his dirty blonde hair that fell haphazardly across his forehead to his compact, athletic build. He was definitely easy on the eyes.

“No,” I stammered, feeling my face flush. “I’m here with my friend Rachael. We’re just hanging out. What about you?”

“Same, here with friends.” Robin lifted his head and I saw his eyes scan the room. “Don’t see them though. They must have gone down to the pit.” Yep, that basement definitely had a reputation.

“Cool.” We moved up in line, comfortably silent, but I wished that I could think of something charming and cute to say. My social skills had always been questionable at best except for when I was really comfortable with someone, so my childhood insecurities about seeming like a weirdo always came rushing up at a moment’s notice.

“What are you getting?” Robin asked as we approached the counter. We were now one person from the front.

“What I always get … a grande dark roast with room for hazelnut creamer.”

“Impressive … no fluffy drinks for you, I see.” He laughed.

“Nope.” I laughed, too. “Coffee has been a staple in my house for as long as I remember. My siblings and I were allowed to drink it from, like, pretty young.”

“How many do you have?”

“Siblings? Two…my sister, Reece, is 17, and my brother, Holden, is 15.”

“Are your parents from South America or somewhere like that?”

“Close … I mean, they’re not, but we spent a year in Brazil when they were writing and recording their second album, and picked up the coffee habit there. They are jazz musicians,” I offered, knowing that would be the next question. Robin nodded, a smile spreading across his face.

“You read my mind. Then again, I guess anyone would ask that question next.”

We were now at the front of the line and before I could open my mouth, Robin ordered his drink and then mine. As he got ready to tap his phone on the card reader, I touched his wrist.

“Wait,” I said in a rush, “That’s so sweet but please don’t … I was so busy talking and forgot that I have to get Rachael’s drink, I’m sorry.”

“So go ahead and get it, I’ll pay for hers, too.”

“Oh, wow!” I suddenly forgot to be shy and I gave Robin my biggest smile. “Thank you so much!” He tilted his head a little to the side, cocked an eyebrow, and smiled back.

“You’re welcome.”

We continued chatting as we waited for the drinks, and I managed to ask him some questions about himself. I found out that he had been riding almost everything on two wheels since he was big enough to handle a bicycle without training wheels and graduated to motorcycles as soon as he legally could. He wanted to professionally race one day. He was also super athletic and had started training to compete in Iron Man in 2-3 years. Like, holy shit, he was the real deal, and here I thought that I was doing something with my jumping jack sets and green drink earlier.

The barista finally called Robin’s name and he passed me my two drinks before taking his own.

“Well, I guess this is it,” he said, looking at me intently. “It was nice talking to you, Gia.” He nudged my shoulder playfully with his arm and I bit my lip, unsuccessfully trying to not blush yet again.

“I had fun, too.” I gave myself a quick internal pep talk and took a small breath. “So, uh, maybe our paths will cross like this again sometime soon? But I know at the very least that I’ll see you in psych.”

“Yes, to both.” Robin smiled again, bigger this time, and turned towards the staircase leading to the lower room. “See ya.”

Chapter 5

I made my way through the maze of tables and plopped Rachael’s drink in front of her.

“Score on the table,” I commented, sliding into the seat across from her. It was in a perfect location in front of the big window, giving us a view of the traffic going by outside.

“Score on that beautiful specimen you were talking to in line!” Rachael laughed and narrowed her eyes conspiratorially. “I didn’t think you had it in you, my friend. Details, please.” I rolled my eyes.

“Nah, it really wasn’t a big deal.” I proceeded to tell her everything about Robin and our conversation.

“He’s been at our school this whole time and you’re in class with him this year?” She looked down with regret on her face. “How the hell did I miss out on him? He is absolutely delicious!”

“You can forget it,” I shook my head at her before taking a sip of coffee. “If anyone is going after him, it’s going to be me. No matter how small the chance is that he would be interested.”

“Oh, he’s interested. At least from what I could see from my view.” Rachael drank her Strawberry Frappuccino. “Which puts you in a lil’ bit of a sticky situation.”

“What do you mean?”

“What about Ethan?”

“Um, what about him?” I sounded casual enough, but my heart rate quickened at the mention of his name and I couldn’t look at her, dammit, a dead giveaway that I wasn’t being completely forthcoming. I knew Rachael caught it but she decided to give me some grace by not pointing it out.

“I mean, nothing…I guess I had the impression that you liked him? I saw the way you were looking at him when you thought no one was watching. But obviously you aren’t so far gone that you would pass up someone right in front of you who is interested.”

“I don’t like Ethan. Not like that,” I added, looking out the window. “We just met him…I think he’s interesting and I’m a little fascinated with his intense personality. Also, he is our best friend’s brother. I want to love him as much as I love Adam.” Rachael nodded as she listened to me.

“I get that,” she finally said, casually brushing her bangs out of her eyes. “I’d like to get to know him, too, but I’m not sure he will let us do that. He seems a little closed off. Besides,” Rachael gave a wicked grin. “That little troll constantly attached at his hip would never allow it, even if he was willing.”

“You are awful!” I laughed, a little too enthusiastically.

Rachael’s cell phone began to chirp. She flipped it over and glanced at the text. A smile crossed her face and she whipped her head around to look out the window.

“You know I love you, right?” She leaned over to look as far down the street as she could through the glass.

“What are you about to do?” I followed her eyes just in time to see a black compact SUV pull up to the curb. I looked back at her, my eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Who is that? The red-headed sculpture class chick or the 20-year-old TA?”

“Drew, the TA.”

“How did he know you were here?”

“I texted him earlier about where I would be. I thought he would find me later though.”

“Girl. What am I going to do with you?” I shook my head and snorted, rolling my eyes.

“You’re going to love me, like always.” Rachael stood, picking up her bag and drink. “Do you want a ride home?”

“Nah, I’ll catch an Uber when I’m ready to go.”

“Or maybe Rob-bin can take you…” she sang.

“You’re a bitch. Go!! Have fun but not too much!” And she was gone.

I sighed softly and took another drink of my coffee as I contemplated my options. I could probably make my way downstairs and find Robin, as Rachael suggested, but that felt desperate and, besides, I had met my socializing quota for the night. I looked around the room and spotted a bookshelf in the back corner near the bathrooms. Maybe I could go pee and then read for a little while before calling for a ride. I was not quite ready to go home to an empty house, knowing for sure my brother and sister were not home yet.

Sliding off of my chair, I turned to pick up my things and stepped back right into somebody. Wheeling around, ready with an apology, I found myself staring at a chest. I lifted my head and met a pair of familiar brown eyes.

“Hey.”

“Ethan!” I breathed. “Hi!”

I tried to casually take a step back but the chair was directly behind me, limiting movement unless I sat down again and that would have been awkward. There was literally no space between our bodies and I caught a whiff of citrus and spice and wood combined with his own personal scent, which smelled … really nice. His hair looked a little damp and it wasn’t raining, so I’m guessing that he had recently showered and it hadn’t finished drying. He had on an army green fitted tee that popped against his slightly olive-toned skin, dark wash jeans, and black Chucks. I hoped that I did not look as panicked as I felt standing so close to him, but based on the small smile that never left his lips, I am pretty sure he knew. If anything, it seemed like he moved in closer, although I wasn’t sure how that was even possible. I suddenly thought about my pineapple hair, no makeup, and probable coffee breath. I wished the floor would open up and swallow me whole.

“Um…” I looked down. “So…”

If Ethan found me repulsive, he did not let on.

“You here by yourself? I saw you talking to that Robin dude from class earlier.”

“Oh! Yeah, I was.” I brightened, nodding enthusiastically. “He’s really cool, have you ever talked to him? I think you would like him.”

Ethan shook his head dismissively. “I doubt it.”

“Oh wow,” I laughed. “Rude much?”

“Not trying to be … where did Rachael go?”

“You don’t miss anything, do you?”

“Not much.” His full smile was charming, and my legs started to feel a touch wobbly.

“Well,” my voice came out as a squeak, “I’m, uh, getting ready to leave, so …” There was no way I could sit there and read now with him so close by and potentially watching.

“Did you drive?”

“No, Rachael and I walked. I live only about 20 minutes from here.”

“You were going to walk home alone?”

“I was actually going to take an Uber.”

“I’ll drive you.” It was a statement, not an offer.

“Uh, ok, thanks.”

Ethan finally had mercy on me and stepped back enough for me to slide past him, but not without having to make contact with his body. My arm and shoulder brushed against his abdomen, which I could feel was rock solid underneath his shirt. Dear god.

I navigated past the now very long queue waiting to order and headed towards the entrance. Ethan held the door open for me, which absolutely warmed my traditional little heart, and we stepped out into the slightly humid night. I stopped long enough to let him move in front of me and then followed him down the sidewalk, not sure what type of car I was looking for.

We walked in silence for a few minutes, and Ethan finally stopped in front of an older two-door Jeep. I had no idea what I thought he would drive but this suited him. He opened the door for me and I hopped inside. It was barebones, just like I always thought a vehicle of that type would be, sort of like a big minimalist metal box, except there was a nice stereo system in here. Moving around to the driver’s side, Ethan stepped up into the vehicle and started the ignition.

“Buckled up?” He asked, looking over at me with a huge smile. I nodded once I could think straight again. He was always so intense and serious that his lighter side caught me off guard and took my breath away.

Chapter 6

You can tell a lot about people by the way they drive and it was no different with Ethan. The top was off of the Jeep and the windows were down, and the wind was fast and hard against my face as he merged with traffic and picked up speed. I was very thankful that I had put my hair up earlier.

I snuck a look in his direction. His left hand deftly gripped the steering wheel, which emphasized his muscular forearm, while his right hand was casually draped over the stick shift. The stereo was blasting “Sara” by Fleetwood Mac, and he looked super relaxed, hair blowing around wildly. The loud wind whipping through the vehicle made conversation difficult without yelling, so I decided to sit back and enjoy the scenery as it whizzed by, singing softly to the song.

“You like Fleetwood Mac?” He glanced over at me, smiling.

“One of my favorites.”

“Mine too. They were in heavy rotation on my dad’s record player when we were little.” Ethan looked wistful for a moment and then his face quickly returned to neutral. I nodded but felt that I should otherwise stay silent about what I just saw.

All too soon, we were pulling through the gates to my house. As we wound around the curves and up the driveway, I could feel Ethan’s curiosity piquing. He pulled right up to the walkway leading to my front door and put the Jeep in park, turning to look at me. I hesitated for a moment, taking myself through another mental pep talk, then looked at him quickly and back down at my lap.

“Would…would you like to come in? I could give you a tour.”

“Sure. Let’s go.”

I never thought about our house being big until new people come over for the first time. Rachael has known us forever and so it has simply become her home away from home. Adam walked in and hollered, “Holy shit!” the first time he ever came over, his mouth falling open. There wasn’t anything opulent or gilded in gold or anything like that in our house, everything was extremely understated, but the signs of wealth were there. For instance, my parents collected art and some of it was on display as soon as you walk through the door. You could just tell that it was expensive, some of it even priceless. I didn’t like to make a big deal about it and so, as I typically did, I motioned to the library on the right and quickly drew Ethan’s attention there.

“We can start in here…obviously the library.”

He stepped through the doorway and looked up at all of the books. The whole room was literally filled with them, top to bottom. We even had one of those rolling ladders to reach the high shelves. Several loveseats and chairs peppered the room, not unlike a small bookstore. “Very cool,” he commented. “I remember you said in our psych intros that you like to read.”

“Yeah, I do.” I stepped into the next room which was connected to the library. “This is the music room.”

Ethan whistled under his breath, coming up behind me. And for good reason; if the library resembled a mini-Percolator, the music room was like a junior Green Street Records. Albums, CDs, and even vintage 8-track tapes had a place in the collection. A piano was positioned on the far end of the long, rectangular room and various guitars line one wall. Framed album covers hung on another wall, included several of my parent’s creations.

Ethan wandered slowly through the room, taking in every single thing. It was so strange to be standing here with him in my house. I walked a little behind him, wanting several times to reach out and run my fingers through that thick, wavy, hair.

“Well, this explains why you knew Fleetwood Mac,” he commented with a quiet laugh. “This is so fucking impressive.”

“Thanks.”

“Do you play an instrument?”

“Nah.” I shook my head vigorously. “I’m perfectly ok with being a listener.”

From there, I sped through the rest of the tour, taking him everywhere except the bedrooms belonging to my parents and siblings. My room was the last stop on the second floor.

“Ok, so now you are entering the chamber of horrors.” I put my hand on the doorknob and turned it slowly while visualizing the space mentally. I hoped that I had not left anything out that would become a point of shame later. I pushed open the door and stood back, awaiting the verdict.

Being respectful, Ethan looked in but did not enter my room. I wondered what he thought about the décor which was vintage furnishings and fabrics in shades of cream, pinks, and, rose. His eyes lingered on the right side of the room, which is where my queen-size iron bed stood, littered with fluffy pillows and a vintage Victorian doll that I had had since I was a baby. I wondered if he thought it was all childish or overly girly. Then his eyes shifted to the left.

“You have a huge music collection up here, too, I see. “

“Yep. I told you that it’s my thing…it really is.”

“No wonder Adam likes being here all the time.” Ethan made his way back downstairs, running his hand along the solid oak railing. I laughed as I thought about my best friend.

“I like him being here. He and Rachael are the best thing that ever happened to me.”

We were now back in the foyer and I finally made eye contact with him. We stood in close proximity to each other; not in-your-face like we were at the coffeehouse, but close enough. He looked at me curiously.

“How is it that you are so…normal?” I was taken aback.

“What does that mean? Did you think that I was abnormal until now?” A sudden outburst of genuine laughter met my ears and I liked the sound of it.

“Of course not.” Ethan moved in a little closer and I automatically stepped back. “I just mean that you are very down to earth considering…” he looked up and around the room. “All of this.”

“Thank you.” I really did not know what else to say. He continued to stand there, gazing down at me. It made me want to run and hide, but was at the same time exciting.

“Um, would you like something to drink?” He shook his head.

“No, but thank you. I better go.”

“Thanks for the ride home.” I grasped the front door handle and opened it for my unexpected guest.

Ethan paused on the threshold and looked down at me. He did not say anything for a long moment, just looked into my eyes very much like he did that first day in psych class, and I was as speechless now as I was then. He lifted a hand and gently pushed a curl away from my face, then brushed his finger down my cheek. It felt like my skin was burning where he touched. My breath caught in my throat and my eyes closed for a milisecond.

Holy cow.

“See you at school.” He said softly, walking off towards his Jeep. He waved as he pulled away a short time later, music turned up full blast. I stood there looking out at the spot where he had been parked in the driveway, deep in thought. It felt like we turned a corner but I had no idea where were headed.

Chapter 7

The Back-to-School Senior Beach Party traditionally took place the third Saturday in September, and there would be activities pretty much every weekend afterwards until our mid-June graduation, some school-sanctioned and some not.

The beach party was not.

I wasn’t quite sure what to wear; beaches can be chilly at night, of course, but this particular location had fire pits and so it was guaranteed to be a little warmer than usual. I opted for a navy two-piece swimsuit with a plunging v-neckline halter top and boy shorts bottom, a patterned sarong that incorporated the same shade of blue as my bikini, and flip flops. I went ahead and pinned up my hair because sometimes you just have to know up front which battles to surrender. I completed the look with eye liner, mascara, raspberry lip gloss, and a tropical body mist. After a moment’s contemplation, I reached for my beach tote and packed a halter top, shorts, jeans, sweater, and underwear, just in case a change of clothing was needed.

There was a sharp rap on the front door just as I went downstairs. I yelled to Reece and Holden that I was heading out, which they acknowledged with grunts. Opening the door, I was greeted with Adam’s wide grin. He had on dark brown chino shorts that cuffed up at the knee, a crisp white tee, and his beat-up white converse low tops. I noticed that he was growing his hair out and it hung down in slightly messy, loose curls that grazed his shoulders. This kid is so oblivious to how gorgeous he is. He gave me an appreciative once-over.

“You look good.” He commented, nodding with approval. “Smell good, too.” Tapping my arm with the back of his hand, he motioned behind him and turned to walk off. “Vamanos!”

After locking the front door, I hurried down the steps behind him. As I rounded the corner to the driveway, a white work van came into view. I stopped abruptly.

“Seriously?” I raised an eyebrow at Adam, as he moved purposefully towards the back of the vehicle.

“Don’t think about it,” he said quickly, talking over me. “Just get in.” He opened the rear door, climbed in first and then turned to offer me a hand up.

You know those old 80’s movies where the doors to a white van opens up and smoke comes floating out? Yeah. I was looking at this in real time.

Squinting my eyes to adjust to the interior, lit only by the golden glow streaming into the windows from the lighting in our front yard, I was able to see two long benches along either side of the wall, occupied by bodies packed together as tight as sardines in a can. I could make out several people I knew in passing from school on one bench, plus Rachael and her TA playmate, Drew. Adam returned to his spot on the other bench opposite them and pulled me down next to him. On his other side was Dinette, who looked annoyed, and next to her was Ethan. His head was leaned back against the van wall, eyes shut.

“Whose bright idea was this?” I stage-whispered to Adam.

“It was the only vehicle available for free mass transportation,” Rachael responded as the van roared to life and bumped along down my driveway. “We didn’t want to take more cars than we had to out to Clemmons, and Artie said he would take care of it.” She laughed, hanging onto Drew’s arm as her body swayed forward. “It didn’t occur to us that his dad’s work van was his solution.”

I shook my head and grinned, leaning forward to get a look through the window separating the front and back compartments. Artie, who I knew from English, was driving and seated next to him was a girl and guy that I did not recognize.

We pulled into the beach parking lot about 35 minutes later. The ride had actually been sort of fun and intimate, with everyone clustered together in close quarters, talking and laughing in the dark. Adam, blunt in hand, was in the middle of telling one of his wild stories. I realized that I had not heard a word out of Dinette or Ethan the whole time. I mean, he is not much of a talker anyway but unless they were whispering, no words were exchanged between them at all.

Adam helped me down the high van step and I looked around. The parking lot was filled with SUVs, sedans, trucks, and a couple of motorcycles. I pivoted the other direction towards the beach and saw students everywhere. Every fire pit that I could see was occupied.

“A few others in our group got here before us,” Adam said, reading my mind. “They’re holding one for us.”

I slipped off my flip flops, tossed them in my tote, and took my first steps onto the sand. The dry grains squished uncomfortably between my toes as I moved in the direction that Adam had pointed out.

Robin looked up as we approached. His eyes caught mine and his smile grew wider as he stood and waved us over. He wore black board shorts and a baby blue tank that complimented his eyes. He walked over to me.

“You look amazing.” He said, his eyes trailing down my body.

I laughed, incredibly pleased. “Thank you.”

“Come sit down.” He took my bag from me and placed it near his belongings. Sitting down, he patted the spot next to him on the beach towel and held his hand out to me. Rachael quickly spread out her towel next to me so that we could sit together, plopping down with Drew on her other side.

As I settled in next to Robin, I glanced across the top of the low flame of the fire pit and found Ethan watching me, a strange look on his face. Like, not exactly mad but definitely not happy. I also noticed how positively delicious he looked as he stood there in a pair of chino shorts similar to the ones Adam wore, except in khaki color, and his shirt was off. His muscular arms, chest and 6-pack were defined by the light of the fire and his shorts rode low on his hips, drawing attention to the v-cuts on either side of his lower abdomen. He eventually gave me a half-smile and turned away, making me realize that I must have been staring again, which he seems to catch me doing often. I could feel my cheeks getting warm and turned my attention to Rachael, who was commenting on the turnout.

The party was in full swing by 10PM. Although I had not actually seen many bottles or cans of alcohol, which was a deliberate attempt to keep from getting on the beach patrol’s radar, I knew from the increasingly loud and boisterous behaviors that those very things were making the rounds. I was undecided on whether or not I would be partaking this evening. There was something appealing about the idea of watching everyone else get shit-faced and being able to tell the stories later. Other than a slight contact high earlier in the van, I was completely sober and alert, sipping on a diet cola and thoroughly enjoying the vibe. Guitars were brought out nearby and a lot of people were singing along. I gently swayed along to the music.

“Are you having a good time?” Robin, who had been very attentive all night, lightly touched my back. While I did not quite feel the same spark that I did when I brushed against Ethan at the coffeehouse, or when he touched my cheek later that night at my house, it was really nice. I nodded and closed my eyes, allowing myself to enjoy the feeling.

“Do you want to take a walk?”

I nodded again.

Robin stood and held out his hand to me. I took it and rose to my feet, pulling my sarong modestly around my legs.

“We’ll be back,” I said quietly to Rachael as I stepped passed her. She was leaned up against Drew, eyes closed, and she slightly lifted her chin in acknowledgement of my words.

I was not sure how much she’d had to drink or smoke at this point but given her response, I suspected it was quite a bit. Looking around, I spotted Adam with a group nearby, happily holding court, faced flushed and clearly inebriated. I did not see Ethan or his sidekick anywhere.

Robin and I chatted as we trudged off towards the water. He kept his hand lightly on my back as the sand turned to a thicker sludge, making it harder to walk without some effort to lift my feet. As we reached the water’s edge, I glanced back towards the party area. We had covered a bit of distance; it all looked kind of far away. How long had we been walking?

The moon shined brightly overhead, bouncing off of the water that gently lapped over our feet. The light caught in Robin’s blonde hair, giving it an ethereal quality. He brushed his fingertips down my shoulder and then took my hand.

“You are absolutely breathtaking,” he said quietly, smiling at me.

“That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.”

“Well, I’m glad that I was the first one to say it, because it’s absolutely true.” He pulled me towards him and moved his hands to my waist.

I realized that Robin really did like me…and it would be really, really easy to like him back. He took a step closer to me, his face softening into a more sensual expression as he tilted his head down towards mine. I closed my eyes and brought my arms up around his neck, our lips gently meeting…

“Hey. Robin.”

Spell broken, we separated quickly and turned to see Ethan striding towards us. He motioned over his shoulder with his thumb. “I think they’re looking for you back there.”

“Who is they?”

“I don’t know, dude.” Ethan shrugged. “All I heard was someone talking about your bike and looking for the keys.”

This got Robin’s attention. He looked at me apologetically. “Raincheck?”

I nodded. “Absolutely…you don’t need someone doing something to your bike. Go! I’ll catch up.”

“Fuck!” He swore under his breath, hurrying off. “I’ll see you back over there.” He nodded at Ethan as he went. “Thanks, man.”

Ethan silently walked past me a few steps further down the water’s edge. I watched him for a moment and then decided to follow.

“Where are we going?” I asked, hurrying a bit to keep up with his longer strides. He wheeled around and looked at me, anger clouding his face.

“The better question is, where were you going?” I was caught off guard by his tone and stopped walking.

“What do you mean?”

“I think my question was pretty clear. If I hadn’t shown up over here about the bike, I wonder where you would have ended up with him?” He turned and started walking again.

“What is that supposed to mean, Ethan?” My eyes flashed. “What’s your problem?”

“I was worried about your safety.” He swung back around and glared down at me. “Ok? It didn’t feel good seeing you walk off with that guy.”

“Who? Robin?” I snorted. “A threat to my safety? He is one of the nicest guys I’ve met so far this year.”

“Yeah, well, nice doesn’t mean shit when people have been drinking.”

“I haven’t been drinking!”

“Well, he has…”

“Oh, and you haven’t been?” I put a hand on my hip, jutting it out at an angle.

“No, I haven’t, actually.”

“Oh.” I paused, unsure where to go with this. I opted for sarcasm. “Ok, well, you saved me. So, now what?”

“You tell me.”

“God, Ethan!” I threw up my hands. “Nothing is ever straight-forward with you!”

“I would say that I’m being very direct.” Ethan was serious as he moved closer to me and studied my face. His gaze lowered to my lips and then down my body, taking in my barely-there swimwear.

“Where were you going with him?” He asked quietly, taking another step forward.

“Does it matter?” My heart was thumping like crazy in my chest, but I held my ground and raised my chin belligerently.

“I think you know the answer to that.”

I shrugged nonchalantly, buying myself another steely gaze with that response, and he lightly grabbed my wrist.

“I saw him kiss you,” He accused, a hint of disdain in his voice. “And I can guarantee you that he wanted to fuck you.”

“Holy shit, Ethan, did you really just say that!?” I snatched my arm out of his grasp, my face burning with embarrassment. “Like I would have let that happen, I barely know him…but even if that’s what he was after and I chose to do it, it’s none of your fucking business!”

We both stood there, breathing heavily and glaring at each other. I made the mistake of looking down at his lips. He noticed and went completely still. Suddenly, he looked off in the direction of the main beach where everyone was partying and starting walking that way.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that,” He mumbled as he brushed passed me. “Let’s go.”

“Yeah, you should probably go find Dinette. Where is she?” I snapped, knowing that I sounded snarky and petty, but I was not going to let him play caveman with me while his sometimes-girlfriend was nearby. Ethan stopped in his tracks.

“Probably passed out somewhere,” he answered, his back to me. “One of the reasons I am not. I need to make sure she gets home safely…and anyone else who needs it.”

“Even me?” He turned to face me.

“Especially you. Adam would kill me if he knew that I saw something happening to you and didn’t try to stop it, and I would never forgive myself.”

I felt deflated. Of course…Ethan was just looking out for his brother’s best friend and trying to being the hero. Nothing more. For a split second, I had thought his reaction was for another reason. Was that wishful thinking on my part? Maybe, but he’d made his intentions crystal clear. I’m Adam’s friend. Without another word, I followed him back.

Chapter 8

Text from Robin:


Hey beautiful, hoping to cash in on that raincheck. Are you free on Friday night?

I smiled down at my phone and then looked across the room to where Robin sat. He was already watching me intently, breaking out in a smile when I nodded ‘yes’ in response to his text. Glancing back towards Ms. Lee to make sure she wasn’t paying attention, he quickly pantomimed holding a phone to his ear and mouthed, I’ll call you.

I nodded again, my smile matching his, and gave him a thumbs up. Any hesitation I may have had before the beach party went out the window after the mini-blowout I had with Ethan there, when I realized that he was only operating on some sort of internal moral obligation to watch out for me. That settled down the growing internal conflict I had raging within my heart about liking him and left me free to see where things could go with Robin. I was still super intrigued by Ethan and would probably feel butterflies whenever he looked at me for a while, but I didn’t want to mistake fascination – and a touch of lust – with real possibility. I needed to go with the sure thing, and as of now I knew for sure that Mr. Motorcycle Racer was interested in me.

“This assignment has the potential to make or break your final grade this semester.” Ms. Lee paused for dramatic effect and surveyed the class. “And, in turn, your grade for this semester combined with next semester’s project grade may impact your final grade for the year. I trust that most of you will do fine, but there are a few of you who may want to take this seriously.

“I know this is an elective course,” She continued, pushing her glasses further up on her nose. “But psychology will play an enormous factor in your lives, throughout your lives … the choices you make, your interactions with others, etcetera. The way you see and navigate the world. At any rate, if your credits for this class are truly needed to pass, and if you do not want to find yourself in summer school and in the unfortunate position of not graduating with your peers, I’d encourage you to put forth some effort. You know who you are.”

Ms. Lee cleared her throat and gave a curt nod, and I could see her mentally switching gears to go on to the next thing. Although I knew that I was in the clear, it made me uncomfortable to think about having an assignment that counted for so much of my grade that it could potentially fuck me up for the rest of the year if I screwed it up.

The assignment: with a partner, select a movie from the approved list to watch, focusing on the psychological aspect of it. Write a synopsis about the movie, provide comprehensive information about the mental illness(es) depicted, and include the view of both partners about the illness and the impact of said conditions on the main characters. Ms. Lee went on to discuss the number of pages and proper formatting and all of that as she passed out the sheet with the grading criteria.

I felt a thump on the leg of my chair. It was Ethan, attempting to get my attention. I ignored it at first, still low-key steaming about the beach party – just because I had accepted his apology didn’t mean that I couldn’t still be mad about his completely obnoxious and inappropriate behavior.

Thump. Thump. Thump!

I turned around and frowned as hard as I could at him. I hoped that I looked annoyed enough for him to leave me alone.

“What?” I mouthed through gritted teeth.

He pointed at himself and then at me, then back at himself…he wanted to be partners for the assignment. The audacity! Why in the world would I want to spend time alone with him? Possibly have to see or hear about Dinette? Possibly have him say something stupid that would make me actually hate him this time? Possibly have to figure out my feelings about him all over again when I had just pushed them aside?

Seeing my hesitation, Ethan began gently kicking my chair in the same spot over and over. I glared at him, making the ugliest, most irritated face possible, and he grinned wickedly at me with a hint of challenge in his eyes.

“Fine! Yes!” I hissed quietly, turning back around to face Ms. Lee. I could feel his triumphant smirk behind me, I didn’t even have to see it. What had I done?

Robin walked up to my desk as the dismissal bell rang, a big smile on his face.

“Hey!” He greeted, touching my shoulder.

“Hi!” I smiled warmly in return.

“Oh my god, this fucking guy.” I heard Ethan swear under his breath as he roughly jammed his books into his backpack. I was pretty sure Robin heard him, too, but he did not let on if he did. He put a hand on my desk and leaned down close to my ear.

“I was wondering if you wanted to partner for this assignment –”

“She’s mine.”

“What does that mean?” Robin quickly straightened up, looking taken aback. “She’s yours?”

“It means that she is my partner for the project.” Ethan walked around his desk and stepped up next to him. “I already asked and she said yes.”

I looked back and forth between the two boys as they stared each other down. What the fuck was actually happening? Finally, Robin ended it, and his annoyance was replaced with affection as he looked back at me.

“Ok, cool, maybe next time.” He smiled. “In the meantime, see you on Friday. I’ll call you.” With a defiant glance at Ethan, Robin turned and left the classroom.

Now it was my turn to look at Ethan as he continued packing up. He wouldn’t look at me.

“Why do you have to be so dramatic?”

“So, what’s on Friday?”

I blinked. “W-what?”

“Friday. What are you doing?”

“I don’t think that’s your business!”

Ethan stared at me for a few seconds and then his eyes went from curious to cold.

“Ok, whatever.” He picked up his jacket, swung his backpack over his shoulder, and began walking towards the door. “I’ll text you about the assignment.”

“Don’t you need my number?”

“Adam gave it to me already.”

The rest of the week flew by uneventfully and before I knew it, I was sitting in my bedroom with Rachael as she helped me get ready for my date with Robin. I had already filled her in on everything that happened at the beach and then the classroom confrontation between Ethan and Robin, and she was righteously indignant on my behalf.

“I still cannot believe Ethan is being such a dick! Adam would never.” She shook her head in disgust and I felt vindicated. “Still…” she regarded me carefully, eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Are we sure he’s not jealous?”

I laughed bitterly. “Absolutely not the case. He made it clear that it was about Adam and not feeling guilty, remember?”

“Hmm. Maybe.” Rachael hesitated only for a moment before turning towards my closet. “But, whatever, you are going out with a hottie tonight, and it serves Ethan right if he is sweating a little bit! What were you thinking that you might wear?”

“I dunno … just something casual, I guess.”

“Absolutely the fuck not. I know what that means and you are not wearing jeans and a tee on your first date with that gorgeous specimen!”

We settled on a black mini skirt with a satin-like emerald green cropped tank, and completed the look with a knee-length black cardigan and knee-high boots, also in black. We paired the outfit with gold bracelets and three necklaces of varying lengths, and styled my hair up in the front away from my face with the curls cascading down my back.

“You look amazing.” Rachael sighed, clutching her clasped hands to her chest like a proud mom. “He’s not going to be able to resist you. Now go get your man!”

“No bike tonight?”

Robin smiled as he opened the passenger door to his black F-150 truck. It was an older model but clearly well cared for.

“I thought about it,” he admitted. “But I figured you would be wearing something nice and I didn’t want you to have to worry about getting on and off of it, or messing up your hair.” He looked me up and down, shaking his head slowly. “Turns out, I was right…you look so good.”

“Aw, aren’t you so sweet?” I blushed. “Thank you.”

We drove out to the popular pizzeria downtown, where I had ravioli and a salad, and Robin had chicken alfredo. We talked as we ate, getting to know more about each other and our families. He was an only child, which I found fascinating as someone who doesn’t remember life before siblings. He paid for dinner and I insisted on covering the tip, to which he agreed with surprised appreciation.

“We have some time before the movie.” Robin checked his phone as we stepped out onto the street. The great thing about our downtown is that most of the major entertainment is within a few doors or blocks of each other along the strip. “Do you want to stop for coffee? We can get you a dark roast …” he said this enticingly, a big teasing smile on his face.

“You certainly know the way to a girl’s heart.” I laughed, bumping his arm affectionately as we walked towards The Percolator.

“Well, yours anyway.”

Coffee in hand within minutes, we grabbed the nearest table and continued chatting comfortably. Something about Robin put me completely at ease; I forgot to be uncomfortable or second guess my responses, or worry that I’m talking too much. I had felt so painfully inadequate at times growing up, and middle school especially left me feeling like I was a weirdo. But Robin just looked into my eyes like I was the most interesting person on earth. He picked up my hand while we talked, gently rubbing his thumb over the back of it repeatedly in a very intimate way.

“Oh my god, look who it is!”

I recognized the voice instantly. Pulled out of our little cocoon of conversation, I looked up to see Dinette and Ethan standing at our table and she was grinning from ear to ear. “Babe, look who it is…Gia and her…” She eyed me questioningly. “Date? Boyfriend?”

“Date,” Robin answered, giving Dinette a charming smile. “I’m working on the boyfriend thing.” He looked over at me with a shit-eating grin and winked. Dinette laughed merrily, lightly slapping his arm. “You are trouble, I can tell. Robin, right? From school?”

“One in the same, yep.”

Ethan frowned, looking from me to Robin. He eventually gave a single nod to acknowledge us but otherwise said nothing and then walked over to a nearby empty table next to the window.

“Don’t mind him,” Dinette gave a dismissive wave. “He’s just grumpy tonight. Anyway, wow, seeing you two together…I never would have pictured it but I think that’s great!” She leaned in towards me and whispered loudly in my ear. “I didn’t realize you have such fantastic taste in guys, Gia, I’m impressed!” She looked over at Ethan, who was now sullenly staring out the window.

“I guess I’d better go take care of my own date,” she said with a laugh, rolling her eyes in mock annoyance. “Robin, it was great meeting you and hopefully I’ll see you again with Gia.” She looked over at me, and I noticed that her smile did not quite reach her eyes. “Girl, we really need to hang out soon!”

Robin glanced at his watch as Dinette walked away. “We have to go or we’ll be late.”

He offered his hand and I thanked him, smoothing down my skirt as I stood. We moved towards the exit.

“Gia.” Ethan’s called out. His expression was unreadable. “Don’t forget our assignment.”

“I-I haven’t.”

He nodded tersely and returned to looking out the window.

As Robin and I strolled down the street towards the movie theater, he laced his fingers through mine. I looked down at our hands and then back up at his face.

“I really like you, Gia.” He squeezed my hand.

I smiled, biting my lip. “I really like you, too.”

He slowed his pace long enough to give me a quick kiss on the cheek and then kept moving, pointing out interesting facts about some of the architecture as we walked by it. I listened attentively and responded in all the right places, but tell me why the moody boy with intense brown eyes back at the coffee house was foremost in my thoughts?

Chapter 9

I rang the doorbell twice in a row, paused, and then rang it once more. That was the signal to Adam and his mom that it was me or Rachael at the door. They both had a strong aversion to solicitors and pop-up guests, so our little secret signal let them know it was ok to answer.

It was the Tuesday after Date Night and I was at the Raymond house to work with Ethan on our psych project. He had texted me on Sunday out of the blue to finalize the date and time. He wasn’t in class yesterday and acknowledged me today only long enough to confirm that I would be coming over at the designated hour.

“Yep,” I had said casually, not looking back at him. I had no idea why I was being met with so much hostility from him but decided that I was not going to let him get to me. After all, I didn’t do anything to him.

Ethan opened the door, giving me a head-to-toe assessment before his eyes settled back on my face noncommittally. I instantly flushed and then mentally kicked myself for reacting to him. I also wondered what he thought about the way I looked. Maybe out of ego or even spite, I wanted to look good and had dressed for the day knowing that we would have some one-on-one time this afternoon. I chose light blue, high-waisted jeans, a pink sweater, and dark blue Vans skate shoes. I kept my hair loose but had my trusty scrunchie at the ready, if needed. Makeup was kept to a minimum, and I finished off the ensemble with my favorite vanilla blackberry body mist.

Ethan wore a black ribbed tank and dark gray sweats. His muscular arms were on display and I swallowed, instantly recalling the 6-pack and v-cut abdomen I saw at the beach.

“Are you coming in?” The blank look on his face had been replaced with amusement as he looked at me. Wordlessly, I nodded and entered.

I had been in the Raymond house a billion times before and it never failed to make me smile walking through that front door. Their house was a single-story ranch warmly decorated throughout with scented candles, flowers, and overstuffed furniture with throw blankets and pillows that made you want to curl up and take a nap. I could relax here in a way that was very different than at my own home, and I loved being here.

Mrs. Raymond passed us on her way to the kitchen.

“Hi, Gia, are you staying for dinner?” Her welcoming smile reached her beautiful green eyes, the same shade as Adam’s.

“I, uh …” I looked up at Ethan, wanting for some reason to make sure it was ok with him, although I’d eaten over there with Adam more times than I could count.

“Yeah, she is.” Ethan answered for me, his eyes softening as he looked down at his mother. “Thanks, Ma.”

“Hey Babe,” Adam waved me over, patted the spot on the couch next to him, and returned to his video game without missing a beat. His hair was pulled back off of his face with a lavender cat-ear spa headband that probably belonged to his mom and he was shirtless, wearing only green and black plaid flannel pajama bottoms. “Come sit with me.”

“Gia is here to study with me.” Ethan frowned at his brother. “Remember?”

“Dude, whatever. Gia, come see me after.”

I followed Ethan through the living room and down the familiar hallway towards the bedrooms. It was very strange to walk right past Adam’s room and into the one next to it.

“You can sit wherever you want,” he said, stepping aside when we reached the doorway. I brushed past him and took a look around his room. It was sparsely decorated in dark blues and greens. A full-size bed was on my right and across from it was a bookshelf that held a record player, albums, video games, and several textbooks. Above the bookshelf hung a small, flatscreen TV. Also in the room was a desk and chair, and the posters on the walls were floral prints that totally didn’t match the room. I eyeballed them.

“Ok, so remember that this was my mom’s sewing and exercise room before I moved in,” Ethan said hastily, laughing at the look on my face. “I’m not sure what I want to put up yet to replace them.”

“I’m sorry, was I that obvious?”

“Let’s just say that you don’t have a good poker face at all.”

I giggled and walked over to get the desk chair.

“You can sit on my bed if you want, it will be easier to see the TV. I’ll take the chair.”

I hesitated. “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable…I’m ok if you sit on the bed next to me.”

“Yeah?” Ethan raised an eyebrow and studied my face. I nodded, looking down shyly.

“I mean, if it were Adam, I wouldn’t think twice about it. So why not with you? I trust you.”

I took off my shoes and climbed on the bed with my backpack, scooting over to the right side. My back was against the headboard and I stretched out my legs in front of me.

Ethan gave me a small smile and followed suit. It was very strange sitting so close to him, almost shoulder to shoulder, and I could smell that same delicious wood and citrus scent from that night at the Percolator. The butterflies in my stomach kicked into high gear.

We had already decided to watch “Perks of Being a Wallflower,” based on Rachael’s recommendation after she looked over the approved movie list. I hadn’t heard of it before and took her word for it that it was the best of the options.

“Ready?” Ethan looked over at me in confirmation before pressing play on the remote.

“Yep, let’s do this.”

It didn’t take long for me to become completely engrossed in the movie, my heart aching at times for the main character. All of the characters, really. I got a tissue out of my backpack and kept it handy to wipe my eyes every time the tears started. Ethan remained quiet throughout but I could feel tension radiating off of him. It was clear that the movie bothered him for some reason, but I didn’t feel comfortable asking and pretended to not notice.

“I didn’t realize you were such a crybaby,” he commented with a grin, shutting off the TV as the end credits rolled.

“Shut up, Ethan!” I sniffed again. “How did that not move you? Everything that happened to him…losing his friend…he struggled so much…you’re just soulless!”

“Uh, I assure you that I’m not.” He looked over at me. “How about I grab a notebook and we start organizing our notes?”

I held up the one I had at my side. “I have mine right here, I’ll write.”

“Ok, cool…so, what mental health issues did we identify?”

“Social anxiety, for one thing.” I blurted out. Ethan’s eyebrows rose. “I, um, know from personal experience.”

He hesitated. “Does…that have anything to do with you being a 19-year-old senior?”

“Yeah.” I nodded, a little embarrassed. “My sister, brother, and I were homeschooled for a long time in order to travel with our parents when we were young and they were making a name for themselves in the jazz world. We were incubated mostly with each other and a lot of adults, so being around other kids and school structure didn’t come easy for me when we finally settled down here. I ended up repeating 5th grade because I was “not ready” for middle school. Time and therapy helped, I guess.” I shrugged. “It’s okay though…I wouldn’t have met Rachael and then Adam if that hadn’t happened.”

“Or be sitting here doing this assignment with me.” Ethan smiled.

“That too.” I agreed, laughing.

His eyes dropped to my mouth and lingered there before moving back up to my face.

“You are a very interesting girl, Gia.” He said softly. “I’m not sure what to think about you.”

“I’m just…me.” I shrugged, looking down at the notebook on my lap. “Nothing special.”

“Then you don’t see yourself like others do.” Ethan paused. “Adam adores you. I didn’t get it before I met you, but now I know why.”

He sat quietly and studied my face some more.

“What do you see in that Robin dude?” he suddenly asked.

“Is that a serious question?”

“Well…yeah.”

I looked down, blushing furiously. “He’s a really nice guy.” I cleared my throat. “He’s funny, smart, chill, ambitious, adventurous…” Ethan’s eyes suddenly hardened.

“And you like him.” It was a statement.

“I mean–”

“The answer is yes.” He interrupted, scowling. “Just say that.”

I frowned, confused at his sudden change in demeanor.

“He and I are just getting to know each other,” I explained.

“Okay.” Ethan shrugged and just like that, the wall was back up.

“Did…I say something wrong?” My stomach knotted in fear.

“Nope.” He gave me a tight smile. “You’re allowed to like who you want. I guess Adam’s protectiveness of you girls has rubbed off on me. Just don’t get hurt.” He shifted on the bed, putting a little distance between. “We better get back to this.”

My shoulders slumped. I couldn’t help but feel like I just screwed something up.

Our notes were complete and the paper half written by the time Mrs. Raymond called us for dinner. Adam was already at the dining room table with a plate.

“You better hurry up,” he warned, moaning softly after he took a bite of mac and cheese. “If I get back in there for seconds before you make your plate, there will be no getting a plate.”

I sat across the table from Adam so we could yap, and Ethan took the seat next to me. They have a smallish dining table and the chairs were close together, so it was impossible to avoid contact. Ethan was left-handed, so our hands occasionally bumped, and I kind of loved the feeling of the pressure of his thigh against mine as they touched in the small space. He didn’t have much to contribute to the conversation, but I could see that he was listening intently, smiling on occasion as his brother and I jabbered and laughed together.

“I wish Rachael was here,” I said wistfully. “This has been so much fun.”

“I’m way ahead of you, babe.” Adam winked at me, cat-ear headband still firmly in place. “She couldn’t come for dinner but she’ll be in here in a few minutes to hang out. That is…” he turned to look at his brother. “If the homework warden here is willing to release you for the night.”

They stared at each other and I could tell that there was a telepathic-like conversation going on between them. It felt a little awkward and I pretended to be engrossed in what was left of my honey-garlic chicken and salad.

“Yeah, I think that’s enough for one night.” Ethan agreed good-naturedly, turning to me. “We can finish up tomorrow at the library, is that ok with you?”

I still felt uneasy after our exchange about Robin but if he was going to act like everything was fine, so could I.

“Sure.” I nodded, putting on a bright smile. “That’s perfect!”

The doorbell rang three times and Adam excused himself to let Rachael in. Ethan and I both heard the chirp of his phone and he checked the notifications. As soon as Rachael appeared with Adam trailing behind her and hellos were said, Ethan excused himself.

“Going to change and head over to Logan’s.” He announced, mostly to Adam who nodded.

“Cool, bro, see you when you get back.”

Ethan disappeared and returned few minutes later dressed in jeans, a long sleeve dark blue shirt, and his black Chucks. Most of his hair was now hidden under a dark gray beanie, just curls showing at his neck, and he had refreshened his cologne. It took everything I had to not ask him to stay.

“Later,” he said to no one in particular and headed out the front door.

“So how did studying go?” Rachael asked, having slid into the vacant chair next to Adam. With seconds now on his plate, he piled some of the mac and cheese on his fork and offered the bite to her. She shook her head.

“I just ate!”

“I know, but it’s good … try it!”

“I know it’s good, Adam.” Rachael turned to look at him, brow lifted. “This is not my first rodeo. Your mom makes the best mac and cheese I’ve ever had.”

“All the more reason to have some.” He grinned, waving the fork enticingly in front of her face. “Please? For me?” She sighed and took the bite. Adam pulled back the empty fork satisfied.

“Atta girl.” He said triumphantly. The two of them and their weird obsession with sharing food, drinks, and gum never ceased to puzzle me.

“So, yeah.” Adam took a sip of his water. “How was studying with my brother?”

I shrugged. “Fine, I guess. I mean, we watched the movie and outlined the paper. He asked me questions about myself and then about Robin. I think he got mad at me.”

“Really?” Rachael leaned in. “Why do you think that?”

“Well…he asked me if I liked Robin and then got all snarky when I didn’t say no.”

Adam and Rachael looked at each other and then back at me.

“What?” I looked back and forth between the two of them. “Why did you look at each other like that?”

“No reason, babe.” Adam shook his head and grinned. “I just find my brother’s behavior with you very interesting.” He stood suddenly, pulling Rachael up with him.

“Ok, so CoD is calling my name and I need my two biggest cheerleaders with me. Let’s go to the living room!”

Chapter 10

“I think it’s good that you’re starting to see Robin,” Rachael announced when she and I met up after 3rd period the next day. She began to tick off what she saw as his positive attributes. “Gorgeous, a delicious build, calm, non-toxic, and someone you could bring home to your parents…what could be better than that?”

“I don’t know.” I bit my lip. “I know he says that he likes me and we had a really good time when we went out a couple of weeks ago, but…like you already said, he’s gorgeous and athletic, and let’s not forget an adrenaline junkie. He could pretty much have any girl he wants, including you.” I laughed, ducking Rachael’s attempt to slap my shoulder. “You know it’s true! Anyway, I just kind of don’t understand…why me? You know?”

There was another reason why I had some misgivings about continuing things with Robin, but I was not ready to talk about that yet.

Rachael stopped suddenly, hands on her hips, not caring that someone bumped right into her from behind.

“You listen right now, Gianna McLaughlin.” She narrowed her eyes at me for dramatic effect and then began walking again. “You are not only good enough…you are too good for most of these jokers around here. Stop putting yourself down so much! I mean, why not you!?”

Rachael’s anger startled me at first and then I smiled. I knew she was coming from a place of love because of course she knows all about my self-esteem issues.

“In my defense…I never said that I wasn’t good enough. I just think that we are very different and he might find that the musicians’ kid is pretty boring.”

“Well, his loss if he does,” she shrugged. “And then you move on. There’s always another beautiful boy around here to be had, and the right one will see your worth and want you desperately in his life.”

“I want to believe that, I really do.” I sighed. “You are a very wise sensei.”

“Are you kidding?” Rachael snorted. “I wouldn’t trust anything I had to say about love. Ever!”

Love?” I wrinkled my nose. “Girl…I’m just trying to get a second date, ok?”

We were giggling as we reached my locker. I had dance class coming up and she was on her way to PE.

“Well then, go for it. Have some fun! That’s your assignment.” She affectionately patted my shoulder and sashayed off, hilariously exaggerating the swish of her hips in her volleyball shorts, shapeless t-shirt, and knee and elbow pads. “As long as nobody is getting hurt, why not? Take it from your sensei.” She waved at me over her shoulder and disappeared into the crowd.

I shook my head, chuckling to myself as I opened my locker and began rearranging the books inside. I thought about my bestie with affection. She had a hard edge due to her upbringing but was loyal, street smart, talented, and caring, and I had learned a lot about accepting myself as I am from watching her. I do hope that she one day finds out what it truly means to be in love. I hope we both do.

After deciding which books and folders were needed for my afternoon classes and stuffing them into my backpack, I took a final look in the mirror stuck on the door and then slammed it shut. It took me a couple of seconds to realize that Dinette was standing there, and I jumped.

“Holy crap! God, Dinette, you scared me!” I laughed nervously, but she apparently was not having it.

“Look,” she said, her words tumbling out. “I don’t know what game you’re playing…I mean, I saw you with Robin and it looked like you guys have something going? But you need to back off of Ethan.” I bristled.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I mean, it just seems like you’re always around or you have projects together or something.” Dinette looked super annoyed. “It just feels like I keep hearing about you.”

“Ok, so now you look.” I tried to keep my voice calm and casual, but in reality, my mouth was dry and heart racing. “I don’t have any idea what you are talking about. Yes, we travel in the same circles, with people I knew way before either of you got here. We have a class together, and his brother is my best friend. I can’t help any of those things and I don’t plan on changing any of it.”

I gripped my backpack. “If Ethan is talking about me and it makes you uncomfortable, then you need to say something to him about it and not me. I don’t know what your relationship is and I don’t really care, but it’s not my problem!”

I watched as Dinette’s face burned bright red and her blue eyes flashed. She took a step towards me, but I held my ground.

“Ethan is mine,” she said in a low, tight voice with every word clearly pronounced. “We may not be together right now, but he will come back to me. He always does.”

“Knock it off, Dinette!”

I looked over and saw Ethan standing there. Furious did not even come close to describing the look he had on his face. It scared me a little.

“Ethan…” Dinette stumbled over her words, clearly not planning to get caught by the boy in question as she threatened his project partner.

“No. Just stop it.” He glanced at me with an unreadable look and then grabbed Dinette by the hand. “I don’t know what the fuck were you thinking,” he hissed as he pulled her away.

I realized that I was holding my breath and slowly exhaled as I leaned back again the cold metal of the lockers. Dinette is a legit psycho, I thought to myself, Adam was right about that. I made a mental note to tread carefully where she was concerned. The confrontation admittedly shook me up a little bit. But even as I replayed the scene in my head, my thoughts kept going back to a single one and it kind of made me smile.

I wonder what he says about me…