CH 1-10

Summary

Marigold was in an arranged marriage that she didn’t want but would try to live with. Well she though she could live with it, but when Marco her husband does the worst she leaves. She can no longer see herself as happy and safe. She finds a new life and makes herself happy only to learn that her past can’t always stay just that the past. Will she be able to keep herself and those she cares for safe? Or will there be a hidden danger just around every corner?

1: Hurt

Marigold

Cliché. It’s a word that almost everyone knows and understands. The word congers up unique pictures or situations depending on the person. I was always one of those people you pictured negative things that were cliche. I would see the ridiculousness of things in the simplest of situations, but then again my life seemed to be surrounded by the clichés.

What the doctor had told me had surprised me. I had been married for four years and not once had I gotten pregnant. We had been trying because that was what both our families had been expecting of us. I always found it weird that they wanted us to have a child when we had not been married very long. But who could argue with parents like ours?

Truthfully, I didn’t want to have a baby right off. I had barely known Marco when we married. The marriage was something my parents had wanted. I wasn’t about to argue with them. I had grown up knowing that I could go against them. I don’t remember what made me feel that way, but something happened. I can’t remember anything from before the age of ten. Even at that age, some things are foggy and it hurts my head sometimes to think of them. If someone ever brought that time up, I just came up with some kind of convincing lie to cover it.

Sometimes I would argue against something that I felt was wrong and all it would earn me was a slap to the face. And it was always my mother who would do it, but on my father’s behalf. After the second slap, I never talked back or questioned them again. There was the voice in the back of my head that told me it wouldn’t be a good idea to do it. The looks my parents gave me only confirmed that thought.

So when I was twenty-five and had graduated with my Master’s degree is social work, my parents informed me I would marry Marco Camilleri. I had met Marco at various points in time all throughout my life. His father was my father’s client. My father was supposedly the best lawyer in town and so he had his pick of clients. The Camilleri’s were the wealthiest family in the city and surrounding areas. It was one of the selling points my parents had tried to use in order to get me to marry Marco. I could have cared less about money, but to them it was all that was important. So important that they put me in a loveless arranged marriage.

Marco was the epitome of the perfect Italian man. Standing at five foot eleven inches, he was tall, but not overwhelmingly so. His black hair was always cut short and styled perfectly. Marco spent plenty of time at the gym, so his lean physic was muscular and strong. But the thing that drew most people in were his gray eyes. They looked back at you like they were staring into the depths of your soul. Sometimes I had thought he was some kind of soulless entity that was put on earth just to unnerve people. The man was an enigma, but he was my husband. Unlike a lot of men today, Marco was free of tattoos and piercings. He looked like the perfect GQ model for office life.

I entered Camilleri’s Inc. and walked up to Marco’s secretary’s desk. Gabriella was a middle-aged woman who had taken me under her wing the first time we met. She gave me little tidbits of information about the man I had married. She was a gem of a human being, and I was thankful to have met her.

“Gabriella, is he in his office?” I asked.

“I think so, dear. He was here before I arrived and I haven’t seen or heard from him this morning.” She said, smiling at me.

“I have a surprise for him, so don’t call ahead for me.” I said with a giggle. I may have not loved my husband, but there was an affection for him. I wanted to make things work for us.

I walked down the hall toward his office. Something in me was telling me to take it slow, that I shouldn’t just open the door and yell in surprise. A sickening feeling washed over me and it was something that I had been feeling for weeks. I stopped at the door and saw that it was cracked open, allowing me to see inside. And what I saw was the biggest cliché of all time.

Marco was there pants around his ankles balls deep in my best friend, Regina. Well, best friend may be a bit of a stretch. She was one of those girls that belonged to the same circle as mine and Marco’s parents. Growing up, she was the girl that my parents wanted to foster a friendship with. Over the years, we had built what some would call a friendship, but I only ever saw it for what it was, a task. My parents dictated everything in my life outside of school, so I never really had friends that I would have considered real friends.

“Marco! Please faster!” Regina called out. I heard Marco make a strangled sound kind of like a growl, and then the sounds of his pounding picked up.

“I love you, Regina!” he pants out.

“Why won’t you leave her then? I love you so much more than she ever could.”

“Regina, you know your family isn’t high enough in the organization. I only married her because of the status her family holds. Don’t worry Baby I’ll only ever love you.” Marco calls out.

The two of them are so lost in their pleasure that they never notice me. I turn myself around before I make a scene and head back to the desk.

“Gabriella, he seems to be busy. Don’t tell him I’ve been here. I want to surprise him with something, so mum’s the word.” I said, placing a finger over my smiling lips.

“Oh, of course.” She said, smiling.

“If no one has told you lately, thank you. You’re always so kind and work very hard at what you do. You’re a gem Gabriella.”

Most who would have seen me after this would have thought me uncaring that my husband was having an affair. My face was calm, and I looked like I was just taking a stroll. On the inside, though, it hurt like a bitch and I couldn’t reconcile that. I knew I didn’t love Marco, but his infidelity hurt me. I couldn’t explain it.

I don’t remember the ride home. I can only think of the plans that I had to make. I would not put my child through living with parents who didn’t love each other. I didn’t want them to grow up thinking it’s normal to not be faithful and to only be with someone because of their station in life.

I was going to break the cycle and get out from under the hold that my parents and Marco had over me. I knew I was going to become someone I could be proud of. I wanted to be someone that my child would be proud of.

Once I reach my home, I started working on the plan I had formed. Marco had given me a two thousand dollars a month’s allowance. That was money that I could spend on whatever, since my clothes and things I needed for everyday life came out of the household budget. So other than a few presents and things, I had spent none of the money. After almost five years of marriage, I had amassed around one hundred thousand dollars.

For whatever reason, Marco had always insisted that he gave the money to me in cash. Looking back, I can see where he was trying to keep from having a trail of money that lead anywhere. Cash was easy to cover up, whereas a credit card would have records.

I went to the bedroom and started packing. I had enough clothes and things that I could sell to keep me in money for a while. I grabbed a few suitcases and plastic totes to pack the things I would take with me. I grabbed the clothes that I knew wouldn’t attract much attention and would fit for a while. I filled the totes with the designer shoes, purses and jewelry that I knew I could sell. By the time I finished, I had packed three suitcases and four totes. That would be all other than my cash that I would take to start my new life.

I called for a taxi and then set my wedding rings and phone on the table. I wasn’t about to keep anything he could track me by. I wanted a clean break. I looked around the house I had been living in and wondered if I had really ever felt like it was home. I couldn’t say that I felt like it had been. If anything, it was like some kind of detention center where I could come and go.

The taxi pulled up, and the driver helped me load all my stuff into it. I told him to take me to the nearest car rental place in the city. California sometimes felt like one large city to me, but right then I was thankful for it. More people meant it would be easier to blend into a crowd.

We arrived after a few minutes of driving and the taxi driver waited patiently for me to get a rental. I wanted to go off the grid, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to do that easily. I lucked up when I saw the young girl working at the desk. I had a plan, and I knew it would work perfectly with her.

“Excuse me. I need your help.”

2: A New Start

Marigold

“How may I help you?” The girl behind the desk asks.

She was a pretty girl with curly brown hair and chocolate eyes that were kind. I knew I was getting ready to ask a lot of this girl. But I also knew that I would do nothing to get her in trouble and I was going to compensate her well for her help. I just needed her to trust me.

“I’m sorry to bother you, but is there a way that I can rent a car without giving my name? I trying to get away from my husband and I’m afraid for him to find out I rented a car and come after me.” I told her. I let some of my emotions go, so a few tears fall.

“I’m sorry, but we have to have the car registered with an id. It protects us from liabilities.” She bit down on her lip and she looked like she was ready to cry herself.

“Is there anything we can do? I can’t let him find me. I would do anything to make this happen.” The tears kept falling, and I knew I was acting a little, but the pain I was feeling was real. My life had just blown up on so many levels.

“What if?” she stops and looks around. “What if you rent it in my name?” the girl asked.

“You would do that?”

“If you need to get away, then I don’t want to be the one who is holding you back,” she said, giving me a sad smile.

“I’ll pay you for the trouble. I’m going to drive across the country. I’ll give plenty of cash to cover it and extra for helping.” I told her.

The girl nodded and smiled at me. She worked quickly and got me set up with a car large enough to hold my things. Part of me felt back for allowing this to happen, but I knew I never would have been able to go off grid without this. The girl came out of the deal a few bucks richer and I could start my journey to freedom.

I learned over the days on the road that I knew little about myself. I would stop to get something to eat and would struggle to decide which item I wanted. I had never noticed, but except for school someone was always making most of my decisions for me. My mother always chose what I ate when we went out as a child and Marco did the same as an adult. The staff always took care of the meals at home, so I never had to cook much. College was me eating at the cafeteria that had meals all planned out.

If I never decided for myself, then how in the world did I decide to leave? It had to have been some kind of sixth sense or something. Maybe the mom was awakened in me by all of what happened and I became protective. But whatever the reason I was now out and on my own, trying to learn what I wanted.

I drove for as long as I wanted and then stopped wherever I wanted. It took me a couple of weeks to get across the country. Then finding the right town to settle in took another week.

Oaks Hollow was a smaller town, but still large enough that I could slip into the crowd. I drove around the town, trying to make out what the atmosphere was like. It gave me that hometown vibe that I had always wanted but never got where I lived before. I’ve always wanted a life that was calm and with less drama. It always seems that with the more money that you have in your life the more drama it brings.

While driving, I spotted a small motel that had a vacancy sign up. I pulled in, praying that they would be a place that would allow me to pay in cash so that I could stay out of sight. Getting out of the car, I could breathe deeply for the first time in years. There was no fear or worry about what I was breathing in or what was going to happen when I walked into the building. It was like I was finally coming home. Home being the place you feel comfortable and safe.

The building was old but well taken care of. The blue paint was fading a bit, but it only made the place look more distinguished in my mind. I like things and places that had history. It gave me peace knowing that things continued on even when we weren’t there to see them.

Opening the door to the office, I notice the place is older, but still amazingly clean. You could tell that whoever run the place took pride in what they did. I looked at the desk and saw an older lady sitting there reading a book. Despite wearing a tracksuit, she had her hair and makeup done. She had her jewelry on and looked like she was ready for a night out on the town rather than sitting behind a desk. She looked up and gave me the sweetest smile.

“Well, hello Dear. Welcome to the Oak Hollow Motel. I’m Nadine and I’d be happy to help you out today. You need a room?” Her voice was as southern as you could get, but it made me feel at ease.

“Yes, I do, but I was wondering if you require a credit card. I was hoping to pay in cash and even give a deposit in cash as well.” I smile, hoping to not sound too eager.

“My only question is this. Will it keep you safe to not use a credit card or id?” she asked, raising her brow.

I had tried to keep myself as calm and collected as I could. I made sure I didn’t look crazed as I entered and hoped it had worked. But something told me that the way she was looking at me, she understood all too well that I didn’t want to be found. That thought alone made me think that there were good people in the world. You just had to find them.

But could I really trust someone that I had only just met? Sure, Nadine seemed to be a sweet older lady, but that could all just be an act. Was I really sure that Marco would even try to get me back? He never seemed to care that much about me before, so would he care now that I was gone?

The only thing I could rely on was my own instincts. And they were telling me that this woman could help me. She wouldn’t have asked if she wanted to turn me over. There just didn’t seem to be any negative aura about her, and that was going to have to be enough for me.

“It would help me stay safe and so much more.” I told her.

“Then that’s what will do. Would you like to still be called by your first name, or shall I make you up a new one?” She asked, wiggling her eyebrows. She had seemed to enjoy herself.

“I think it would be nice to have a new one. What do you think I should be called?” I asked. The smile on her face told me I was going to enjoy being around her.

“Do you want to be dark and mysterious, or would you rather be sweet and kindhearted?”

“I think sweet. I’m not good at acting, so I should just be myself, right?” I said, laughing at the thoughts of me trying to be mysterious.

“Autumn Abernathy. I think that suits you perfectly. You look like an Autumn. How long to you plan on staying with us?” She asked as she pulled out stuff for the room.

“Until I can find somewhere that will allow me to work and rent like you have. Safety and being invisible is a must.” I said, looking around the room. “I know you are helping me out, so if I feel like something isn’t right and I may need to bolt, then I’ll let you know. I don’t want you caught up in my drama. I don’t think I’m in any physical danger, but I don’t want to be there anymore, and this is the only way I can be free.”

“Oh, Autumn honey physical danger isn’t the only kind there is. Emotional and psychological danger is just as bad. What ever it is you’re running from, know that you are safe with me and I won’t let you suffer alone. I’ve been through some stuff before and trust me when I say that having a friend to lean on is something you’ll need.” The look I gave her must have shown my uncertainty, because she continued. ”I tried running on my own and I couldn’t do it. Even back in my heyday, it was hard to stay hidden. The woman who used to own this place helped me. And now I’m helping you.”

“Thank you Nadine. I don’t know what to say. It’s been a harder for days and to know that I have someone in my corner when I never really have, it’s kind of overwhelming.” I said, feeling my emotions getting the better of me.

“Oh, honey, don’t you worry about a thing. If this town is good for anything, it’s helping good people. And I have my mind made up that you, Autumn, are good people.”

3: She’s Gone

Marco

I pulled myself free from Regina and looked down at her. Her brown hair covered my desk, creating the illusion of a halo. But she was never some kind of angel. Regina was the temptress that never took no for an answer. The Moretti family wasn’t very high in the organization and that made Regina a lower tier wife prospect. Throughout the years, I knew I was going to have to marry Marigold. Nico and Priscilla Malta were as top tier as you could get without being the head and right hand of the organization. Nico worked as the lawyer for most, if not all the powerful people in the city, but his primary job was to take care of us.

So when my father told me at age eighteen that I would one day be marrying Marigold I knew I wouldn’t be able to get away from my fate. Regina Moretti however was a woman that I could easily see myself spending plenty of time with. She had the body of a goddess and was willing to do any depraved thing I wanted. I didn’t have to treat her with respect or make sure she was happy. I reserved all of that for the woman I had to spend the rest of my life with. Marigold wasn’t some great love in my life, but she was the woman who would one day give me my heir.

“Is there any way we can address this issue, even though you attributed it to my family’s influence within the organization? Could I become your official mistress or something? There’s no recognition for me as yours. I just want the world to know I’m yours and you’re mine.” Regina pouts as she gets dressed.

“You mean you want Marigold to know?” I asked, looking at her.

Marigold did not know about what her father or I did. She thought her father was a lawyer and I’m the future CEO of Camilleri’s Inc. I had never told her any differently, and I assumed her father never would as well. To Marigold our arranged marriage was something that people of influence did. She didn’t know what kind of power her father or mine had, but she knew it was there. She knew there was something to our status.

Regina however knew everything. She was well aware of the workings of the organization and tried hard to use that to her advantage. I didn’t know what scheme she had running through her mind, but I knew there had to be something. Her wanting my wife to know about us wasn’t coming from nowhere. I couldn’t have everything blowing up in my face. As it stood, I had the wife and the woman I liked to fuck just where I wanted them.

“She should know that I have a place in your life. You love me and she needs to know that even if she’s your wife, I will come first.”

Regina had always had a sense of superiority. She was supposed to be Marigold’s best friend, but in all honesty it was just a part she was playing. Our families always encouraged us to hang around the other children of the families in the organization. Marigold was considered a princess by many of the families. She was the only female child of the higher up families. Naturally, many of the adults in the organization tried to pair up their daughters with her. Somehow it ended up being Regina who filled the position of Marigold’s best friend.

But beneath it all there was a jealousy. It burned brighter than the sun and made Regina try anything to get one over on Marigold. The tactics she used grew more and more ruthless the older we got. The ruthlessness that she showed as a child only worsened as she aged. I began seeing her and fooling around with her when we were in high school. Throughout college, I still would see her. Regina thinks she’s the only one I was seeing, but that wasn’t the case. I was sowing my wild oats all over the place and Regina was none the wiser.

“Regina, you know that there’s something special between us. But I can’t have you disrespecting my wife. She will know what I want her to and right now our relationship isn’t something she needs to know about. Once she has a child to keep her busy, then we can look at telling her.” I walked back over to her and placed a hand on her cheek. “Now, not another word about this.”

The look on her face had told me I wasn’t going to hear the end of this fight any time soon. I should have put my foot down, but I was being soft on her. I may not love Regina, but there was affection there, more than I had for my wife. I respected my wife in a way that I didn’t respect Regina.

I got home that evening a little later than usual, but knew that Marigold would wait on me. She was raised to be the perfect wife, and she fulfilled the role as such. When I walked through the door, I noticed how dark it was. Normally, my wife had the place lit up and would come to meet me at the door. We didn’t have staff as she wanted to take care of the home herself. I always suspected that was her mother’s doing. There was something off about my mother-in-law that I could never place. But I knew my father-in-law to be a hard man who was an asshole most of the time.

I walked further into the house, cutting on the lights as I went. I walked into the kitchen and noticed that everything was spotless. I noticed that there was no dinner cooking and nothing looked like it had been used since this morning. Everything was in its place, but when I looked over at the table in the kitchen, I saw something that made me stop in my tracks. There sat a set of wedding and engagement rings and a cell phone.

I picked up the rings and knew they were Marigolds. I remember Gabriella had been the one to pick them out. She was taken with the princess’ cut stone and its setting. I didn’t have time to devote to going a shopping for something that I would not be wearing or even cared about for that matter. The marriage was nothing but an arrangement, and I knew that from the beginning. I couldn’t care less what kind of ring was going to be sitting on her finger.

I picked up the phone next and opened the lock screen and saw a picture of me with Marigold on our wedding day. This had to be her phone. I had never looked at it before, but I knew it was hers. She didn’t have a lock on it, so I was able to open it and start going through the phone. She had no messages or calls that were from anyone but me, Regina, and her parents. I lay the phone back down and headed up the stairs, thinking she must have left the things there by mistake.

Our room appeared to be normal. I looked in the closet and saw that her clothes were still there. The more I looked the more sure I became that something had happened to my wife. She wouldn’t just up and leave. Marigold wasn’t the type of person to shirk her responsibilities. She also wasn’t the type to go somewhere without letting me know in some way.

It hit me then that I had no way of tracking her. The cell phone and her rings were sitting on the kitchen table. I had a tracker put on her rings so that I could find her if something happened. With the power my family had, there was always someone who would try to use her to hurt me.

“It’s me. Marigold is gone.”

4: Dee Dee

Marigold

I had waited in the lobby while Nadine went to the back to get things set up for me. She had said she needed to get the keys and linens. It had taken her about ten minutes, but I wasn’t going to question her when she was so willing to help me.

Nadine had not lied when she said she wanted to help me. She had given me a room that not only had been clean and spacious, but that also had a small kitchenette in it. As I looked around the room, I knew I was going to survive there. Everything I would need to live was there.

“I figured you could use this while you figured out what you want to do next. I don’t want to overstep, but I can help you find a job and a place to live.” I turned and looked back at Nadine who was standing in the doorway.

“You really don’t have to do all that. I need to stand on my own two feet, so how about if I can’t find what I need I’ll take you up on your offer?”

Nadine smiled at me and I knew she was going to let me try. I had done nothing for myself, really. My parents paid for school and Marco picked up, taking care of me once we were married. I wanted to survive this as much on my own as I can.

“Just know that the offers are on the table. Folks don’t trust the way they used to. Have you thought about trying to get new identifications? That would make things easier. You could live a normal life just with all the new information. Autumn could be your permanent name.”

I hadn’t thought about trying that. With everything that I’d been thinking, official papers were the last thing on my mind. I just thought I could just do everything under the table. The understanding hit me I had watched too many movies and the situation I found myself in was not a movie. I was living a life that wasn’t anything like the movies. I didn’t have an imminent danger following me. My husband had never even threatened to hurt me. My mother had hit me, but that was it. I was running from a life I didn’t want my child to go through.

I knew there were secrets, but I always thought they were more about snobby business people and socialites more than anything. There had been no evidence of anything any different. It all seemed to just be a silly game of who had the most power and influence. It wasn’t something I wanted in my life and with a cheating husband why would I stay?

Nadine seemed determined to help me figure this out, and if I’m honest, I needed as much help as I can get. If I let her help me with this one thing, then I could move forward with the rest on my own. It would make her happy as well.

“Alright Nadine, you can help me get my identity taken care of.” I said, smiling at her.

“That’s great because my grandson and his friend are going to be coming over. The friend is good at taking care of these kinds of things.” Nadine has winked at me when she finished speaking.

The woman knew exactly what she was doing. There were moments when I felt like I could easily be overwhelmed by Nadine. I hadn’t had someone in my life so willing to help and taking that much of an interest in me. But Nadine came in like a whirlwind and changed all that. I had a place I was feeling safe in and someone who seemed to want to have my back.

I was looking through the cabinets in the kitchenette when I heard the sounds of motorcycles rolling up to the parking lot in front of the room. As far as I could tell, there had been no one else staying at the motel. So that meant this had to be her grandson and his friend. I didn’t want to seem like a scared little bird waiting to be attacked, so I walked up to the door and opened it.

The sun hit my eyes and I couldn’t see for a moment. I had covered my eyes to help with the light. What I could see took my breath away. Two men were sitting on motorcycles taking off helmets. Both men looked like they should have been line backers playing football in the NFL. Broad shoulders and height were the most prominent attribute they both had.

Nadine came out behind me and walked over to the man on the left. He had long blonde hair pulled back in a bun and a bright smile on his face, which was covered in a beard. Nadine wrapped her arms around him and hugged the life out of the man. I could hear his chuckle from the door and my heart melted at the sight. That was what a family was supposed to be like. Love was supposed to be something that made us strong and brought joy to your life. Watching them showed me some of what I had been missing.

I heard another chuckle and looked at the man on the right. Nadine’s grandson had been handsome, but he had nothing on the man he rode in with. He stepped off the bike, and I had thought he was tall before, but I had been so wrong in my estimation. He was easily six and a half foot tall. The man’s arms looked bigger than I thought possible without having that overly veiny look to them. His arms were covered in tattoos that were colorful and intricate. His wrist was covered by a large black wristband that seemed to have some kind of watch attached.

My eyes trailed up to his face, and I had to force my gasp to stay in my mouth. He had jet black hair that was cut short on the sides and was sticking up all over the top. I couldn’t tell if it was bed head or if he really meant for it to look that way. But damn did it look good on him. He had a close-trimmed beard that only made him more handsome. His nose was pierced on one side and he had a labert piercing. The man looked like walking sex to me, and I didn’t know how to handle that.

Marco was handsome. I never denied that. I was physically attracted to him and I got along with him. But our relationship wasn’t something that I would have called romantic or something that pulled me to him. It had always felt like more of a tolerance than anything. He wasn’t rude and hurtful to me and I returned that same treatment to him.

We had sex obviously, but I never felt like I was enjoying or losing myself in the process. Regina had told me all about her sex life and how the men she was with would make her feel like some kind of sex goddess with the way they worshiped her body. I think I lived vicariously through her for the last few years, only to find out it was my husband she was fucking. The hurt of that was something I had to get used to. It wasn’t a hurt born from the love I had for Marco. It was more that it was burned from the fact that two people who were supposed to be there in my life had finally destroyed my blindness to what I was living. A lie.

“Jim, this is Marigold. She was the one I told you about. She’s going to become Autumn Abernathy.” Nadine said.

“Gran, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Hammer around anyone from the club?” Jim said, rolling his eyes.

“Oh my bad, Hammer.” Nadine said, sounding as sarcastic as she could. I couldn’t help the giggle that come from my mouth.

“I’m Hammer and this is our tech guy, Dee Dee.”

“For fuck’s sake stop calling me that. My road name is Data.” The gorgeous man said as he turned to look at me.

“Naw, it Dee Dee for Data Diva.” Hammer said as he tried horribly to control his laughter. I could see that Data was glaring at Hammer, so I thought I should defuse the situation. I walked over to Data and shook his hand.

“It’s nice to meet you, Data. I appreciate you being willing to take the time to talk to me.” I said as I looked into the bluest eyes I had ever seen.

Data smiled at me and I felt like I was going to melt into a puddle. I did not know what was happening to me, but I had never acted like that around a man before. I could feel the blush on my cheeks and it made me feel like a little girl.

“Nice to meet you Marigold. Nadine kinda filled Hammer in on some of the situation, so I wanted ask a lot of questions. But you and I are going to spend some time working on your new identity over the next few days. Hope you don’t mind but I like to have a good history to go with the new identity. I don’t just give you the new documents you need. I make you a new real person on the books.”

5: Taking Advantage

Marigold

Every went into the room and took seats. Data and I sat at the table where he had set up a digital recorder and notebook. I had looked at the recorder and felt some fear seep in. I didn’t want anything to connect me to my past, and those I left behind. It felt like being recorded would be a risk, and I didn’t know if I could do it.

“Do you really need to record this?” I asked. Data looked up from his notebook and seemed to study me.

“Is there a reason you don’t want to be recorded?” Jim asked from where he was sitting on a small sofa.

There was a risk in everything I did. Hell, there were always risks in everything everyone did. Every movement, every word a person made was something that could change their life forever. Was telling these people about me a risk? Of course. But was it a risk that I needed to make in order to have a happy life? Yes.

“What I’m about to tell you is probably going to sound insane. I’m not blind to the fact that most would think I was crazy to do what I did. But I couldn’t live like that anymore.” I stopped and took a deep breath before I continued. “I was born into a wealthy family. I don’t remember my life up until I was ten. Then I remember it wasn’t a good idea to try my parents’ patience. My mother would often use her hand to correct me.”

The looks I was getting told me they believed what I was saying. It had always been a fear that no one would dare believe the great Priscilla Malta would harm her child. To the outside world she was the perfect mother. At home, she was a tyrant.

“I stopped fighting back. I made no decisions for myself except for what I studied in college. They must have known that there were never any plans for me to use the degree. Once I was twenty-five, I was told I was going to marry. I had known the man and seen him at random times in my life. It was one of those high society marriages that was arranged and not made from love. He was never mean to me or abused me. He did however cheat and with someone who was supposed to be a friend. I learned I was pregnant and went to share the good news. Our parents had been after us to have a child. That was when I found them.” Nadine’s sad face made me want to cry.

“I knew there and then I couldn’t live like that anymore. I didn’t want my child to live like that. I know I would never hurt my child, but who’s saying the father wouldn’t? I didn’t want my child to be forced to live the same life I did, where there were no choices given. They would do as they were told and live a miserable existence. I don’t want that for them or me.”

I sat there waiting for someone to say something. My secrets and fears were a barrier that protected me from being seen for who I really am. Baring your deepest secrets and fears has a way of leaving you feeling like there is nothing in the world that could cover you again. You find yourself there for everyone to see and it’s terrifying. Part of me wanted to hide somewhere and wait for it to all fall apart.

“It doesn’t sound as crazy as you think. There was a threat there and you want to protect you and your child from that threat. Not every threat is the same,” Jim said.

Data spent the next two days going over things with me. We talked about what I wanted my background to look like. According to him, it’s best to stay as close to the truth as possible. I would gain the protection by changing names and places to prevent being found. He did just what he said he would and worked to make me not only the information I needed but made me a new real person on paper.

If anyone looked Autumn Abernathy up, they would see an entire history of my life, including parking tickets. His attention to detail amazed me. I was excited to see the finished product he was bringing to me.

“Hey Autumn I have your stuff ready.” He said as he entered the little apartment. “Nadine said that you needed to return the rental car and get one for yourself. I thought I could help you with that today if you liked.”

“Really? I mean I would love the help, but I’m sure you have better things to do with your day.” I said, laughing.

“Not really. Jim’s driving me nuts with the Dee Dee shit, so I needed to get out of the clubhouse today.” He said, shaking his head.

“Then let me help you out.” I said with a laugh. We got into the rental and Data led me to the rental place in the next town over.

“So, what’s the name of your club?” I asked as we rode.

“We’re called the Blades. We’re one of those clubs that do a little of this and a little of that. What matters the most is that we’re a family.”

“That sounds nice. Nadine has spoken highly of all of you. She was insistent on helping me and I think this is the first time in my life that someone helped me with anything. You have my thanks, Data. It means a lot to know that not everyone in this world is looking for something from you.”

“Autumn, being a decent human isn’t something that you have to thank me for. I don’t know about the world that you come from, but I can tell you this, most aren’t like that. Don’t feel you have to pay us back or do anything. We did all this to help someone who was in need. The best thing you could do for us is to live the best life possible.” Data says.

It turned out the rental place was next to a dealership. Data walked around with me as I looked at all the options I had. Picking out a vehicle was harder than I had ever realized, but I knew the style and size I was looking for. Something comfortable but reliable for me and my growing child. But I knew nothing about cars.

Data took the lead and asked questions about the ones I was looking at. In the end, he could work out a deal for me for less money than I was expecting. Luckily, I had the cash to pay for it and came away with a SUV that was going to be perfect.

“Well, I think we did pretty good,” Data said as he got into the passenger seat.

“I think you did well. I would could never do that. And oh god, I didn’t know the first thing to look for in a car. I would have come away with the worst one on the lot with my luck.” I laughed at the thought.

“Well, what do you know a lot about? I can tell you’re not stupid, Autumn.” He said, chuckling at me.

“Social work. I have a master’s degree in social work. I’ve always wanted to help people. You know the ones that doubt think there’s anyone out there for them. I want to help people learn that there’s hope.” I smiled at the thought of doing just that, hoping.

“Now that you’ve got a new start you should do that. I know there are lots of places that could use someone like that. One brother has a wife who works as an OBGYN. She’s always telling us they need people to help. Maybe we could hook you two up and she would know of somewhere you could work.”

Data looked like a kid who just had the greatest idea known to a man. Excitement was written all over his face. The more I looked at him and the more I got to know him, I was finding it hard to not form a crush. The last thing I needed to be thinking about was a man. I had a baby on the way and I needed to find a house and a job. The apartment was fine for when it was just me, but I wanted somewhere that I could build my forever home at.

“Now I feel like I’m taking advantage of you!” I said in a teasing tone.

“No, you’re not!” He laughs. “A little thing like you could never take advantage of a big man like me.” He wiggled his brows in a flirtatious way.

Data may or may not have meant it as a flirt but damn he was killing me. I had to cover it up, so I said the only thing I could think of.

“Lord, what have I gotten myself into?”

6: The Hard Truth

Marigold

“These barbeques are a lot of fun. I think you’ll have a lot of fun meeting some of the girls. Jim always invites me to these things and I love watching the men making fools of themselves.” Nadine says, laughing.

Data had invited me to the barbeque that the club was having so that I could meet the old lady of one member. She ran her own clinic, and Data was sure that she could help me with finding a job. Nadine had also invited me since she wanted someone to join in her fun of people watching. I had been in town for four days and had already made friends with a few people.

“I’m nervous about meeting so many new people. I know it sounds stupid, but I am,” I said as we pulled into the parking lot of the clubhouse.

“Don’t be. These are some of the nicest people you’ll ever meet. Just treat them with the same respect you want and you’ll be fine.” Nadine said as she got out of her car.

The Blades clubhouse looked like it could have been a large industrial building. It was three stories tall and had what looked like bay doors on one side of the building. I couldn’t help but think that maybe they did repair work on their bikes and cars there. The place was clean and surrounded by a large fence that looked as if it was there to keep out anyone that might trespass.

People were walking around toward the back of the building, and I could hear music playing. As I rounded the corner, I saw that there had to be nearly a hundred people around the backyard. People were sitting at chairs, tables, and hammocks that were spread around. People were dancing with drinks in their hands, acting as if they hadn’t a care in the world. The sight brought a smile to my face.

“Told you. I can see that smile on your face. These may be some scary bikers, but they are a family and that comes before anything else,” Nadine says.

“Gran!” I hear Jim call out.

“Hello Jim my darling how are you?” Nadine said with a sparkle in her eye. She knew exactly what she was doing.

“Gran you know you’re supposed to call me Hammer here,” Jim whispered to her.

I wanted to laugh so hard at the two of them, but I didn’t want to make Nadine worse. I instead looked around the yard and took in the sights of the people. I saw men grouped around talking and women giggling with one another. It’s while I’m looking at the women that I notice there are two distinct types of women there.

The first type of women were the ones who opted for a more casual dress style. Not that they looked frumpy or anything, but they didn’t look like they were all decked out ready and looking for action. These women looked comfortable in what they wore and around each other. They looked like a family.

The other group of women appeared to be dressed for a club. Makeup and hair were on point, and the dresses barely covered anything on their bodies. While the other women were talking amongst themselves, these women were eyeing the men. Some were openly making eyes at the guys. It was a strange sight for someone who wasn’t used to this kind of atmosphere.

“Ah, I see you noticed the difference. Over there talking like civilized humans are the old ladies and girlfriends. One brother openly claimed them. Then you have the club whores.” I whipped my head around to look at Hammer.

“You can’t be serious? I thought was all made up for books.” I said shocked.

I had read plenty of MC romance novels and the club whore thing always struck me as something that was used as a plot device. Why anyone would want to be called and treated like that was beyond me. But standing there I found myself looking at exactly what the books described.

“No, it’s real alright. Lot of the brothers are single and don’t want to be tied down to just one woman. The girls are the same, mostly. They want to be a part of the club and have as many men as possible vying for their attention. It’s a mutually beneficial situation if that’s what you prefer.” Hammer says. Nadine smacks him over the back of the head. “I said if it’s what you prefer. You know I only have eyes for Rachel.”

A beautiful brown-haired woman walked over and wrapped an arm around his waist. She smiled at me and looked up into Hammer’s eyes. He smiled down at her, and there was a twinkle in his eye.

“Your eyes better only be on me.” She looked back at me and winked. “I’m Rachel. You must be Autumn. Nadine hasn’t stopped talking about you. I’m glad you’re here.”

I spent the next half hour talking with her learning a lot about the club. She was only Hammer’s girlfriend, but she seemed to be engrained in every part of his life. Her stories about some things that go on in the clubhouse fascinated me. It was like a novel had come to life right before my eyes. She was telling me about what she does for a living when a tall blonde man walked over to us with a equally tall blonde woman in scrubs. It was like Ken and Barbie had come to life.

“Hey Rachel, and you must be Autumn.” The woman said, putting her hand out for a shake. “I’m Naomi and this is my man Iron.”

“Hi it’s nice to meet you.” I answered.

“So Dee Dee said you were looking for a social work job.” Iron said with a smirk. I couldn’t help the laugh that erupted from me.

“God, he’s going to flip out if he knows you called him that.” I said, as I continued to laugh. “But yeah I’m looking for a social work job. Data said that there was always a need around here.”

“You have no idea. If you’re up for it, I’ve got a position at my clinic. We’ve got a lot of teenage girls coming through there and women who need as much support as possible. Is that something you would be interested in?” Naomi asked.

“It sounds perfect, but don’t you need some references or even an interview before you offer me the job?” I asked, biting my lip.

Those questions were something I was afraid of hearing the answer to. I was basically starting my life from scratch. There would be anyone that could say I had an excellent work history and the people that knew me the most in life didn’t know where I was at. The fear of never being able to get a job was a reality that I didn’t want to face. My plan had been good, but had it been good enough to live safely the rest of my life?

They provided me with only a small amount of information about your situation. If you’re willing to work hard and help, then I’m willing to take the chance on someone who needs a little help themselves. Us girls have to stick together. ”Naomi said. I smiled back at her. “Plus, you’d get to work with Rachel, too. She’s our receptionist.”

After that, I fell into an easy conversation with Naomi and Rachel. Nadine had conned Hammer into dancing with her and she looked to be having the time of her life. I envied the woman who had come into my life and changed it for the better. Nadine seemed to know what she wanted out of life and what was going to make her the happiest. I wanted to be able to do the same.

My eyes drifted over to another couple who were out dancing. The man had his back to me but I knew who it was. The size of his body along with his hair cut had given it away pretty easily. I could however see the woman he was with. It was one of the women Hammer had called a club whore. The two of them were holding onto each other so tightly I wouldn’t have been able to slide a playing card in between them. The realization of that hit hard. It shouldn’t have. I had no business even thinking about getting involved with another man.

But when I was with Data, those couple of times it seemed like someone had turned the light on in the otherwise dark room that was my life. His smile and laugh had brought butterflies to my stomach in a way I had never experienced. He had listened to what I was saying and responded to me. I didn’t get that very often with Marco. It had all been a delightful surprise to me.

Now I watched the same man grind on a club whore. His lips were grazing her neck, and it looked like he was whispering something in her ear. I could feel a piece of my heart breaking. I shouldn’t feel that way, but nothing I was telling myself could change that.

I watched as the two of them made their way off the dancefloor and headed inside the clubhouse. She was giggling, and he slapped her ass, laughing. God, I had wished that girl was me. I hated to admit that to myself, but it was true. For the first time in my life, I found myself having a crush, and I was finding out exactly why it was called that. Data had not spoken to me one time that night. He knew I was there, he could see me. But he completely ignored me, not even giving a nod.

I knew what my place was in his life then. He helped me only because he was asked to. I had to pick up the pieces of my heartbreak and move forward, because I had a little life in me I needed to focus on.

7: Charity Case

Marco

Two weeks had gone by without a word from Marigold. After talking with my father and hers, we decided to keep her disappearance to ourselves for a while. In the meantime, I had sent out multiple men and private investigators to locate my wife. I continued to work and live my life as if nothing had changed.

The more I tried to pretend that everything was okay the more irrate I got. Did she walk out on me or did someone take her from me? For the first week and a half, I never entertained the idea that she would have left me. It just felt like there would be no way Marigold, of all people would go against her parents’ will and her responsibilities. But the more sweeps we made of the house and the less and less evidence there was that someone had taken her, I couldn’t help but think maybe she had left.

There were no signs of forced entry. No signs of a struggle. Marigold may be a woman who is soft-hearted and obedient, but she would never allow someone to take her easily. She would have fought. Nothing anyone said could make me think otherwise.

But then there was the way I found her phone and rings. If someone had been trying to take her, they wouldn’t have taken the time to take those rings off her or laid her phone out like that. They would have dumped them all while on the road.

The evidence was stacking up more that she left of her own free will. But the question of why was still one that was on my mind constantly? Our marriage was good, and it didn’t seem like she was unhappy. She always had a smile for me and never complained about anything. So why would she have left?

I was thinking over these facts for the millionth time when my phone rang.

“Boss, we have some new information.” Rico, my right-hand man, said.

“And that is?” I answered..

“Your wife had a doctor’s appointment the day she disappeared. I’ve got the tech man trying to locate the medical records now.”

“How did you find this out?” I was curious how they found this out after two weeks of nothing.

“I happened to run across her on a camera feed. I was looking on the man roads for any sign of her and finally found her car. She was at the OBGYN. You can barely see her, but I’m certain it was her walking into the office. As soon as we have confirmation, I will call.” Rico said.

So the wife had an appointment with her gynecologist. It could have been nothing other than her yearly checkup. But it could have also been more than that. Had something happen in that appointment that caused her to leave? All I had was more questions, but I would get the answers.

Nothing was going to stop me from learning the truth. I would find out what happened and I would punish those that needed it.

Marigold

The first two weeks that I spent away from my past life went by fast. I like to think that it’s because of all the wonderful changes that had come from leaving. The Monday after the barbeque I started working for Naomi at her clinic. She had been right about the number of women coming through there that needed support. Her clinic was one of the few that took government insurance in the area, so everyone who couldn’t afford care came to us. I had so many patients coming to me I struggled with having enough time in my schedule to see them all. But that only made me happier. The more help I could give the better I felt.

I had let Naomi in on the secret about my pregnancy and she had stayed over one evening and looked me over. She confirmed I was twelve weeks pregnant, and that everything looked fine. I shared my fears with her and she had comforted me and made me feel everything was going to be alright. I had left that night feeling relieved and hopeful about the future.

The only darkness I faced those two weeks was the fact that I couldn’t get Data out of my mind. It seemed like every time I went somewhere in town he was there. The problem with that was he never let on that he knew I was there, too. I had been hurt when I learned my husband was having an affair. I had no doubts about that. But the hurt I felt from being ignored by Data was worse than anything I had felt.

I had felt confident that we got along well in the two days he helped me get my new identification and helped me buy my car. I even felt like we could have been friends. Even after the barbeque, I held hope that it was a one-off thing. But those thoughts ended the evening that I went to the clubhouse with Rachel.

We walked into the clubhouse after work, hoping to blow off some steam from a rough day in the office. I of course, wasn’t able to drink, but I could hang out with Rachel and spend some girl time with my new friend. The room was busy with lots of the brothers and their old ladies hanging out. The club whores were there as well, and I felt like I was invading the territory.

“Hammer says that Nadine can’t stop talking about you. I think you’ve made a friend for life in her.” Rachel laughed, taking a sip of her beer.

“She’s amazing. I’ve never had a womanly figure in my life that I’ve respected before her. She’s helped me so much since I got here. I hope I can be there for her as much as she has been for me.” I said, smiling.

The sound of sliding chairs hit my ears as I watched Hammer snuggle in next to Rachel. The sight of them made my heart ache. I wanted to be that close to someone in my life. But it seemed fate had other plans for me.

I heard another chair move and saw that Data sat down across from me. A blonde club whore was sitting on his lap and kissing up and down his neck. Data sat there and drank his beer, seeming as if he wasn’t paying any attention to the girl molesting his neck.

The conversation now included the two men and occasionally the woman sitting with Data. Hammer and Rachel regaled me with stories about his gran and about how she had raised him since he was an infant. The more I learned about her the more I wanted to be like Nadine. Rachel was right when she said I found a friend for life. There wouldn’t be any way I would move on from her friendship.

Data and the woman stayed quiet mostly and didn’t seem all that interested in the conversation. Honestly, it didn’t seem like they wanted to be there in the first place. Data hadn’t spoken a word to me, and it felt like he was just trying to pretend I wasn’t there. Anger flared up in me at that thought. I decided I was going to make him acknowledge me.

“Data, how have you been? I haven’t seen you in a while.” I said.

For a moment, you would have thought that someone had scratched a record or broke something. Everyone at the table went silent and looked around like they were afraid of what might happen next. Had I said something wrong?

“Well, that’s because there wasn’t a reason for you to see me.” Data answers coldly.

His words hit me like shards of glass. I didn’t think it could have pierced me deeper if he had taken a knife and just stabbed me with it. Was that even the man that had helped me get everything I needed? It seemed like a question I didn’t want the answer to.

I looked at Hammer and Rachel and could see the shock in their eyes. Data’s response wasn’t something they had expected from him. Rachel’s shock was quickly turning to anger. I noticed Hammer place his hand on hers as if to say calm down.

“I see. Well, thank you for your help before.” I said and looked down at my soda.

“What did you expect lady? A man like Data isn’t going to be interested in some pathetic excuse of a woman. You should stop while you’re ahead. I’m more than capable of taking care of him.” The blonde said.

As if his words weren’t enough to cut right through me, the woman had to come in right behind him and dealt the finishing move. It felt like someone sucked all the air out of my lungs, and I struggled to breathe. My eyes filled with tears and I had to bite my lip to not start letting them fall.

“Well, it’s good to know where I stand.” I said and stood to leave.

“Exactly. You’re nothing more than a charity case for the club.” The woman said as I walked out the door.

8: What’s Groveling

Data

The moment a person realizes they are the biggest asshole on the planet is a hard moment to swallow. I normally would have never considered myself to be that. But sitting there at that table with the club whore in my lap talking trash to the bravest person I’ve ever met just proved that I didn’t know a fucking thing about myself.

I may have thought I was protecting everyone involved, but in truth I was just fucking up the best thing that could have ever happened to me. Why is it that we never figure these things out until we get to the point of no return? No hole was deep enough for me to crawl into, and I deserved to have my balls cut off and served to Marigold on a silver platter.

I saw the spark in his eyes and started moving at the same time. The club whore fell to the floor as we stood and hammer grabbed me by my collar. I could hear the whore yelling as Hammer pulled me out the back door. I could see Rachel following and her face was a mixture of rage and pain. The look only made me fall further into my pit of despair. I had royally messed everything up.

The hit came faster than I was expecting and I fell to the ground, knowing I was going to have one hell of a shiner tomorrow. I slowly stood back up and waited for him to say something. Maybe he thought I would fight back, but I knew better. I didn’t deserve to fight back after what I’d done. I didn’t deserve to be breathing in my opinion.

“What the hell was that? It was bad enough that you’ve ignored her anytime she was around, but that was beyond disgusting! that is not who we are!” Hammer yelled.

“I know!” I screamed out. The words leaving my mouth felt like a slight relief from the pain I was feeling. A relief that I didn’t deserve. “I fucked up! I thought I was protecting her and you, hell all of us!”

“What are you talking about Data? You weren’t protecting anyone! You were an asshole, pure and simple.” Rachel seethes.

I had hoped to keep everything locked up about her past. I didn’t want there to be any chance that it would get out about who she really was. It was dangerous enough just to be in the same vicinity, but for them to find out we helped her would be the end of all of us. I couldn’t risk everyone’s lives by giving into my feelings for the girl I just met.

“The first night we worked with Autumn I learned about who she is and where she comes from.” I said, shaking my head.

“And?” Hammer growled out.

“It’s bad. It’s so fucking bad. Camilleri. As in the Camilleri family.”

Horror passed over Hammer’s face and I knew he understood what I meant. Rachel looked confused as to what we were talking about, and it made sense. That family name wasn’t something that was spread around for a reason. To the world they were a business family with control of several markets. Squeaky clean in the eyes of the general public. But in our world, or well the one we were trying to get out of it was a name that made most men shit themselves. Fear wasn’t a word that could properly describe that feeling.

“No.”Hammer said, shaking his head.

“Yes. She’s married to Marco Camilleri and her father is Nico Malta.”

“Shiiiiitttt.” Hammer groaned.

“Yeah.” I sat on the ground and put my head on my knees, trying to gather what little of my senses I could.

“I don’t understand. Why is that so bad?” Rachel asked.

“They are the mafia of mafias. You don’t want to have anything to do with them if you can. Do you think she knows?” Hammer said’.

“I don’t think so. She wouldn’t have run away with the heir of that family if she knew. She just thinks she has a rich family. It tracks about right, though. The women in those families rarely know about what the business really is.”

“Rach, go get the prez and vp. Tell them 911.” Rachel flew back into the clubhouse.

“Have you hidden her well?” Hammer asked.

“Like Fort fucking Knox. As soon as I learned about her, there was no way I wasn’t covering my tracks. You know what they’d do to her if they found her. She’ll be dead as soon as that baby’s born.” I sighed out.

“So you thought if you kept away from her it would be better for us?” Hammer asked, sitting next to me.

“Yeah, if she needed to be moved it would be easier for her to not be too attached. Plus, we’re trying to go legit. I didn’t want to compromise all that we’ve been working on. I was drawn to her like a moth to a flame. Hell still am.” It was the truth that I didn’t want to admit. But there I was admitting to something that would change everything.

“Good luck with that, asshole. You could have kept your distance without gutting the girl.” Hammer said.

“Easier said than done. She had to hate me cause I didn’t trust myself to stay away.”

****

“So we have a runaway princess on our hands?” Prez asked.

“Yeah. But she doesn’t have a clue.” Hammer said.

“This could bring any number of problems our way.” The VP Tex said. He looked at me for a moment before he asked. “How much does she mean to you?”

“Everything.” I answer honestly.

“Then she stays. We may be going legit, but that doesn’t mean we’re going to start letting people get hurt under our watch. She had a sense that she and her baby weren’t safe and no matter the reason why she left. That means she needs help. We have already agreed to help her with a new identity and I tell you there would be a bunch of pissed off old ladies if we didn’t honor that.” Prez who we call Match said.

“I know you’re the best at what you do, but make sure to keep a watch on things. We don’t want them getting word of where she is. Now if she leaves on her own, that’s another story. And after that shitshow in there, it’s a possibility.” Tex said.

“How do I even get her to talk to me after that?” I asked.

I would blame her if she did pack up and leave. I was cruel for no reason, and I don’t even know how to explain that. I can’t just walk up to her and say sorry I was a dick, but your husband is a big bad mafia don. The less she knows the better. Her safety is the most important part of all this.

“Saying you’re sorry couldn’t hurt.” Hammer said with a smirk. Part of me wanted to slap him in that moment.

“I think you should start by making sure she’s willing to even entertain the idea of talking to you. It may take a while before she’s willing to. You embarrassed her in front of an entire room of people. It’s not something that you fix with just I’m sorry. This is going to take groveling of the highest caliber.” Match said.

“What does Groveling even mean like this? I know what groveling is but how in the hell do you grovel for something like this? I’m so screwed.” I said.

“Think of it like this. What do you think she felt tonight and all the other times you ignored her?” He paused while I thought. “Got that feeling?” I nod. “Multiply that by a million. That’s the way you need to feel when you’re trying to make this up to her. Simple sorries aren’t going to work. You’re gonna have to dig deep and pull out every sweet and incredible thing you can think of,” Tex said.

9: Flowers

Marigold

“Autumn, please open the door.” Rachel called as she knocked on my door.

I didn’t want to answer. There had been enough humiliation for the evening. I knew she wasn’t there to hurt me more, for the thoughts of what happened were not something I wanted to re-live. I wanted to curl within myself and pretend that none of it was happening. That everything was fine and I would wake the next morning and feel like I could take on the world. Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones or maybe it was just the fact that the first man I ever liked didn’t like me back. It was a new feeling and one that I hated.

“Listen, I know tonight was awful and I’m not here to rub it in your face or to even bring it up other than to say I’m here when you need me. I know there’s a lot about your life that you haven’t shared and I respect that, but know I have already formed a strong attachment to you. You’re the bestie I’ve been waiting for. So please get some rest and call me if you need anything.”

With that, she was gone. I was shocked at the feelings that emerged from her words. Had I ever had someone that was in my corner like that? I couldn’t say that I had. Friends weren’t something I was blessed with. Regina was the one friend I had and look how that had turned out for me.

What Rachel was offering was something foreign, but something I wanted desperately. Having someone to talk things out with or to even listen as I vent was like the goose who laid the golden egg. It was a myth in my life and something I never thought I could obtain. Sure, others had found it, but I wasn’t so lucky. If what she was offering me was real, then I could finally stop living in the dark. I could have someone there to pull me into the light.

Nadine was there and as much as I loved her she was more of a mother figure than anything. I needed someone around my age that I could grow old with and build memories to share as we got older. Rachel could be that someone if I was willing to let her in. I needed to get over myself and move forward. Sitting around crying wasn’t going to fix this problem. Data was a lost cause, but in the aftermath of my heart break there was a shining beacon calling to me, Rachel.

I would take that night and cry to my heart’s content and place all those feelings in a locked box. I would put that damn box in concrete and drop it over the deepest part of the ocean. I would not let him put me in that same place I just came from. I was enough and if he or anyone else couldn’t see that, then to hell with them. Marco, Data, hell any man wasn’t worth throwing away the chance of a new life with my child. One last night of pain and then a new Autumn would appear.

*****

Growing up with Regina as my only friend, there was never a time when it was awkward because of something that had happened to one of us. I think it was always planned that way. Regina was a friend because she was told to be, so we never got deep into what we felt. In a way, I guess it saved us from a lot of problems since she was screwing my husband.

But Rachel and I had no such shield. The next time we were at work it felt like we had not a clue what to say to each other. Eye contact was hard, and it was just plain weird. I knew it was my doing, but I had struggled with how to fix it. So at lunch that day, I took the plunge and just brought it up with her and Naomi.

“So elephant in the room. Data was a total jerk at the club and I think I’m done going over there for a while. I’m still wanting to hang with you and the other ladies, but being around the brothers and club whores is a no go for a while.” I said.

Naomi smiled, and Rachel held her mouth open for a second. I guess neither of them thought I would bring it up. I wasn’t one to push a subject, so they must have thought I was just going to let it slide to the back quietly. Rachel held a finger up as she swallowed the bite of food she had taken.

“He wasn’t a jerk. He was an asshole douche bag, dick bag!” she exclaimed.

I let out a laugh that couldn’t be described as anything but therapeutic. I laughed so hard that I couldn’t control it. Tears flowed freely from my eyes and I just felt relief from so much tension. It was like everything was being released and it felt so, so good.

“I wasn’t there, but from what Iron said I would have most likely castrated him there and then. Now I’m not saying what he did was right by any means, but I’ve never known him to be like that. Do we know what his problem is?” Naomi said.

“There was a reason, and she was sitting on his lap!” I sighed out.

“Weeellll, there may be more to that. He had a stupid thought that made him think it was best to stay away. He is of course an idiot who didn’t think it through. I’m not taking his side at all, but the dumb ass was doing what he thought was right.” Rachel said.

“That doesn’t change the fact that he hurt her, though. He’s an ass and I can’t believe it. He’s never been like that before, so it’s a shock, but I’m not forgiving him for it. Our sweet Autumn shouldn’t have to deal with that crap. She wasn’t doing anything but being nice to someone who had helped her.” Naomi said.

“If I’m totally honest, I thought a little more of him than someone who had helped me. I kinda liked him. He was really sweet those two days. He was helping me and it was the first time I had felt like that about someone. My marriage was arranged so, yeah.” I said. I knew my face was beet red, and I wanted to crawl under the table at what I had said.

I was finally opening up to someone and the two women with me were there as my friends because they liked me and not because they had to be. I wasn’t giving away all the details of who I was, but I was opening up about what my life had been.

“Oh, honey, no one could blame you for that. That boy is all kinds of hot, but that doesn’t mean he has a pass to be a dick.” Rachel said.

“Better not let Hammer hear you say that.” I said with a laugh.

“He knows he’s all I see. “

The rest of lunch was full of laughter and talks of anything and everything. I felt like I had found my tribe of people. The ones who would be behind me no matter what. And that in itself was amazing. My friends were doing wonders for my life.

I had just finished with a client when Rachel called me to come to the front desk. As I rounded the corner from my office, the scent of flowers hit my nose. It wasn’t a light scent either it smelt like I had landed in a floral shop. As I reached the desk, I saw there wasn’t a free space because of all the bouquets sitting on the desk. There was also a giant teddy bear sitting in one of the chairs in the waiting room.

“What in the world happened here?” I asked.

“Autumn Abernathey?” A man asked.

“Yes.”

“These are for you. Could you sign the delivery slip?”

I did as he asked and he walked out of the office like he hadn’t just dropped off an entire shop in our lobby. I looked over at Rachel and could see the smirk already forming on her face. She knew something, or she thought she did. I walked over to the first bouquet and picked up the card.

Autumn

I know there’s nothing I can say that will make this any better. I messed up in a way that’s unforgivable, and I know it. But I’m a stubborn man and I know what I did and I also know what I want. This is just the start of my groveling. I’m beyond sorry and I’m going to prove that to you. This is just the beginning of a lifetime of I’m sorry. I will show you I’m better than I’ve been acting. Just wait and see Goldie Locks.

“Looks like Data wants another chance.” I told Rachel not sure what to make of all of it.

10: All I Wanted

Marigold

Two days. I had been receiving flowers for two days. Now it wasn’t like I hated flowers. I loved them. But when you had so many flowers that there wasn’t a clean surface in your home or office, it becomes too much. I sat at my desk and waited for the call. What would day three bring? More roses or spring arrangements? Would he venture out and add giant balloons to the bunch?

But the call never came. Two days must have been his limit for asking for forgiveness. I had hoped that the flowers would stop. But I hadn’t thought that the attempts to gain forgiveness would have continued. Yet, I shouldn’t have been surprised. I knew it was just a guilty conscience that made him want to apologize. Someone couldn’t change that quickly. It just wasn’t possible unless they were acting to begin with.

The way Data had acted didn’t seem like he was acting. I tried over those two days to keep my thoughts away from him. I tried to not think about how Naomi had a hard time believing he would act like that. I was going to be strong and move on. But every damn time I took a breath and smelled those damned flowers I would think about him. Thought about how sweet he had been in the beginning and how horrible he was in the end. I thought about how hot he was and how I wanted to climb him like a tree. Hormones were making me horny, and I didn’t know how to handle that.

“I guess he didn’t want to send flowers today.” Rachel said as we walked out to our cars.

“I guess two days was his max.” I said with a sad smile.

As we got closer to my car, I noticed there was a man standing there. Rachel stopped and then shot me a grin and walked forward.

“Prospect, I see you’ve been given a job.” She said to the man standing there.

“I have.” He turns to me. “Data didn’t think you were ready to see him yet, but he sent me with today’s offering.”

“Offering?”

“Yeah offering. He said that until he’s able to get your forgiveness, he’s going to be making an offering to you every day,” the mans said.

“Wait, I don’t want him buying me crap every day. That isn’t going to prove he’s sorry. It’s just throwing some money at a problem.” I said, huffing and trying to walk around the man.

“Wait that isn’t what I meant. When I said offering,I meant he was, I meant he was going to give you a piece of himself every day. Some days it may be gifts, but then other days like today it will be something different.”

“Okay prospect you need to show us why you’re here or I’m calling Hammer to kick your ass.” Rachel said.

The prospect went behind a truck that was sitting there and pulled out a guitar. He started playing and ’I soon recognized that it was the song All I wanted by Paramore. It was a song that played while we were care shopping and I had told him how much I had always liked them.

He had an amazing voice, and I could feel the emotions flowing through me as he sang. Rachel came and stood next to me and held my hand. The words hit my heart like a sledge hammer trying to tear a hole into the walls that I had built up. Every time he sang all I wanted was you. I could feel the hammer hitting the wall. The wall still stood though, when he finished. There were some small dents, but it still stood strong.

“He knows this isn’t going to be enough, Autumn. But he wants you to know how he feels.” He said and then leaves.

I stood there in shock, thinking about what in the world just happened. No one has ever done anything like that for me. The song itself is full of so much emotion and if he feels what the lyrics say, then he’s hurting too. But that hurt is nothing compared to what he put me through.

“I know he’s not nearly close to having groveled enough, but you have to admit that was pretty freaking sweet.” Rachel said.

“Yeah, I have to give him props for that. I wonder how he figured out that guy could sing?” I said to her.

“Who knows? Those men live in their own world for the most part. Did you tell him you like that song?”

“I did. When we were car shopping, it came on and I said I liked them. I’m going to head home. See you in the morning.” I said and got in the car.

I didn’t want to talk about what had just happened. I knew the more I talked about it the more likely it would be that I would forgive him some. That had always been a problem for me. I didn’t want anyone to be upset with me and knowing that he was worried about how I felt would have normally made me want to tell him it was okay and to let bygones be bygones.

I had to stop those patterns before I fell back into them. That was the opposite of what I wanted. The drive home gave me time to think about how I was going to handle all the things that were going to keep coming my way. One day at a time. That’s all I could do.

“How are you beautiful girl?” Nadine asked as I got out of the car.

“I’m pretty good. How was your day Nadine?” I asked, walking over to where she was standing outside the office.

“Well, I’m feeling fantastic. Heard about your little serenade this evening.” Nadine’s smile was wide and I couldn’t help myself but to smile back at her.

“It was beautiful. Do you know what happened in order for me to get that song?” I asked.

“I do and don’t think I haven’t smacked that moron upside his head. That boy knows better than to act like that. I’m not sure if you know why he acted that way but he thought he had a good reason to ignore you. That girl ran her mouth just because she wants to be someone’s old lady.” Nadine said as she walked over to some patio furniture. We took a seat.

“Rachel said the same thing. But what could possibly excuse him for acting that way and letting her say those things? She had to know something about why I was around for her to be able to say those things to me. She called me a charity case. Why would she know something like that?” I asked her.

It had been a thought that I couldn’t get away from. How had the club whore known that the club had helped me in any way? Did Data tell her something? If she knew, then it would only be a matter of time before others knew and I would have to run again.

“I can see right where those thoughts are running and you’re wrong. No one told her a thing. She thinks because you got a job at the clinic and were hanging around with Rachel that they were helping you. That idiot hasn’t got a clue about anything that’s going on. Hell, her bleached blonde self barely has a coherent thought in her head. You are safe my sweet girl. And as far as Data goes I think he thought he would protect you. Did you think he would fix your new identity without finding out who you are first? Maybe he thought it is best to stay away because of your husband’s status? You said he was a bigwig in the business world.”

I thought about what she said and it made sense. But I still couldn’t let it go with how he had hurt me. Maybe I wouldn’t need to run away again. I just didn’t know what to think.

“He may be a moron, but I think Data had your best interest at heart. If you want my honest opinion i think he liked you too much and it scared him. Yours isn’t a normal situation. If anything, he scared himself off, but you know what? Let him work himself ragged to fix things. That will show you if he’s worth your time or not. I’m not letting you go to a man who doesn’t deserve you.” Nadine said, pulling me in for a hug.

“I’m so confused by all this. My marriage was arranged, so I have the experience of a child when it comes to matters of the heart.” I said with a laugh.

“Funny thing is honey, I think he’s the same. I’ve never seen that boy give anyone the time of day that he did those first two days. There was something there. Now is the time for him to prove it to you. Not everyone can forgive something like that, but if anyone can it’s you honey. Your heart is pure and you have love in your heart that’s just itching to get out. Watch him and listen to what he says and what he does. You’ll get your answer on whether you should forgive him. Trust me.”