Summary

Mina struggles with demons that make even the most simple things in life difficult. She’s fought all her battles alone and learned to adapt…almost. When she’s forced to work with Owen, football star and popular jock who’s been a witness to a lot of the bullying she’s endured, they both learn that the other isn’t exactly what they seemed to be. A tragic turn of events leave them both broken, but is it true that time heals all wounds?

Chapter 1

Mina

Have you ever experienced or known someone who suffered from depression? I don’t mean the whole sad, feel like the world is coming to an end because your boyfriend broke up with you crap. I’m talking the real, heavy, cold depression that settles bone deep. I’m talking the feeling that life itself is suffocating you, the feeling that even an automatic bodily function as simple as breathing might shatter you. The depression I’m talking about is the kind that sits in your heart and mind, making sure you never forget just how worthless, broken and unworthy of love, happiness and even a remote sense of normalcy you are.

I’ve had therapists tell me that depression is a feeling, but it’s not…real depression is a condition. Hell, they make pills for it and everything…I should know since I’ve tried most of them. I’ve tried other ways of coping with depression too, less conventional and socially unacceptable ways. That’s right, I’ve tried drugs, alcohol and even a failed attempt at suicide. Don’t even get me started on my suicide attempt because that led to me falling deeper into the pit of depression because it was yet another thing in life that I failed at.

You’re probably wondering what could’ve happened in my life to push me to such extremes. Hey, it’s a valid question with a complicated answer. The truth is, nothing happened. I don’t come from a broken home, never had abusive parents and never suffered some unimaginable tragedy. My depression made its presence known around the age of ten and, at that time, I had a normal, comfortable home life with parents who loved me and supported me. It’s actually my depression that destroyed everything.

By the time I was twelve, my mom decided she couldn’t handle me anymore…so she left. My dad tried to get me help, he really tried. Sometimes you just can’t save people though. By the age of thirteen, the other kids my age really started picking up on how different I was, how I isolated myself and that only made me a target. You guessed it, enter the peer bullying. Being depressed is already traumatic enough, but add the awful, hurtful and hateful words of your peers and you have a recipe for disaster.

My disaster came at the beginning of my junior year when I attempted to force myself to be normal by taking an entire bottle of antidepressants. As I’m sure you’ve figured out, it didn’t work. Now, at the start of my senior year, I’m the ‘suicide girl’, as my classmates have so cleverly dubbed me. I don’t have friends, I have my dad, but he can barely speak to me without looking uncomfortable, as if he’s worried that one wrong word will break me. So, I stay to myself, both at school and at home.

Today is Monday…the second Monday of the school year…the Monday where my English lit teacher is supposed to pair up everyone in our class to work on an assignment about famous quotes from iconic authors. I have no problem with the assignment, really, I don’t. What I do have a problem with is being forced to work with one of my classmates. Still, I force myself to get ready for school, throwing on a pair of baggy ripped jeans, a faded band tee, my favorite baggy hoodie and my trusty combat boots. My long black hair is in its usual messy bun and I don’t bother with makeup, I never do.

With my backpack slung over my shoulder, I make the six block trek to the school, trying and failing to not think about my first period English class and the impending disaster I’ll soon be facing. I make it to school just as the first bell rings, like I always do, and head straight to class where I take my usual seat in the back row closest to the window. By the time the other students are seated, Mr. Fisher is already walking in the door.

“Good morning and happy Monday! Let’s dive right in and get started, shall we? I’m going to pair you up for the assignment we discussed Friday and before any of you ask, no you may not switch partners. First up is Bradley Taylor who will be working with Luke Driscoll. Next up we have Melody Hill who will be working with Michael Lambert.” He carries on and I zone out until I hear it…my name…

“Mina Winters, you’ll be working with Owen Landry.” You see, there are very few things he could’ve done to make this whole thing worse for me and pairing me with the star quarterback is at the top of the damn list. At this point, it’s safe to say that the universe hates me. Maybe I can just sit here and get to work on the assignment and complete it for both of us. Jocks like letting nerds and outcasts do all the work, right? Wrong!

“Hey, he said we need to pick an author and famous quote. Have any ideas?” I glance at him…I shouldn’t, but he’s literally right there! His tousled blonde hair and blue eyes are definitely more attractive up close, but knowing his on and off girlfriend is one of my biggest tormentors…it’s hard to see anything more than another person who either encourages or supports the torment.

“Yeah.” I had already written down the first quote that came to mind, one by Edgar Allen Poe. I slide the paper over to him and rather than read it silently, I get to hear him read it…out loud.

“Tell me every terrible thing you ever did and let me love you anyway…that’s…wow. That’s actually really deep.” I nod my head, not even remotely sure of how to do this…the whole socializing thing…the whole being normal thing. I’ve learned the hard way that everything and anything I say can be used as ammunition.

“So, we’re supposed to write about what we think the quote means then write a response to our partners interpretation. I guess we can work on that first?” I’m a little surprised he’s not arguing with me, suggesting something more…simple and superficial. I give him a nod then flip the page to a blank one and get started.

‘When I read this quote, I take one major thing into consideration. Poe was a dark and troubled soul. For a person who lives everyday fighting themselves just to survive, flaws and imperfections are all we see when we look in the mirror. The way we see ourself, it makes it so we can more easily overlook and forgive the flaws and imperfections of others. I believe the quote is simply stating that he sees her mistakes, flaws and all of her perfect imperfection. He sees her for all that she is, not just for what she perceives herself to be. He wants her to know that no matter how unworthy and broken she may think she is, he loves her for all that she is just as much as he loves her for all she’s not. It’s about loving someone’s darkness as much as you love their light.’

My response is simple and I’m done writing it in under five minutes. Owen takes longer, but after fifteen minutes, he’s sliding his onto my desk and grabbing mine without a word spoken. I glance over at him then back to his paper, sliding it closer so I can read what he wrote.

‘I think Poe is telling his lady that no matter how much she screwed up and how bad things are, he’ll still love her in the end. He’s willing to forgive her mistakes because he loves her.’

I’m not surprised it took him fifteen minutes to come up with this, but I am surprised that it’s a more thoughtful answer than I expected from him. I risk taking another look in his direction and I don’t know what to make of his wide eyes and slightly slack jawed expression. I decide to move onto my response to his interpretation, hoping we can finish most of the assignment up before the bell ring.

‘I believe Owen felt some of the weight of the quote, but without knowing the author’s past and his struggles, he may have missed some of the deeper meaning it holds. Poe, as with many of the great authors, had demons he fought every day and he not only saw, but accepted the demons he saw in the woman he loved. It’s about more than forgiving mistakes, but his more simplified interpretation is well thought out and is the view of someone who sees love and romance as something beautiful and untouched by darkness. I believe Mr. Landry is a romantic at heart.’

I tried not to be critical, but part of me wonders if he’ll think I was trying to be insulting. I wasn’t, not in the slightest. When the bell rings, I quickly set his paper back on his desk with my response written below his then hurry out of the room. I don’t want to see his reaction to what I wrote and I sure the hell don’t want to stick around to see if his ex/not-ex is going to show up to walk with him. I make it to lunch without having any further attention drawn to me and I happily make my way outside to my usual spot under the tree between the school and the football field. People don’t bother me here, but I should’ve known to expect that to change with the way my morning started.

“Oh, look! It’s our own little suicide girl! You know, it’s a real shame you’re such a fuck up. I mean, seriously…you couldn’t even manage to kill yourself without screwing it up.” That would be Cassy, Owen’s sort of girlfriend.

“Look, I get why you did it, I really do. If I was as stupid, pathetic and weak as you, I’d off myself too. Maybe you can try again, only…not fuck it up this time.” She stares at me with her usual malicious smirk, silently daring me to grow a backbone and fight back. It’s not that I can’t fight back, but why should I? Everything she’s saying is the same shit I say to myself every day.

“I’ve got it…maybe you can try this instead of downing a bunch of pills next time. Remember, wrist to elbow.” She tosses a razor blade next to me and offers a wink before turning and walking away with her group of lemmings in tow. This is a normal occurrence, nothing out of the ordinary…just another damn day. I grab the razor blade, don’t ask me why, and slide it into my backpack then sling it over my shoulder, get up and head to my next class ten minutes early.

My last two classes are uneventful and at long last, I’m heading home. Cassy’s words are mixing with my own dark thoughts, swirling like a cyclone in my head, each word punctuated by the sound of my feet on the sidewalk until my mind registers the fact that it’s not only my footsteps I’m hearing. I always walk alone, no one ever approaches me…and yet…the footsteps are right beside me and are keeping pace with me. I finally look up from the ground and my gaze lands on a pair of all too familiar deep blue eyes.

“I said hi, but you seemed…distracted?” My eyes dart around, looking at literally anything but him.

“Sorry.” Okay, so apparently, I’m talking to him now?

“It’s fine. I was actually hoping we could work on more of the assignment. I have practice Tuesday through Thursday and we have a game Friday, so I thought this would be the best time to get more of it done since he wants a rough draft next Monday.” Oh god, he wants to work on it? Wait…where does he want to work on it?!

“Where?” Wow, if only my speaking skills were on par with my writing skills. I’m such an idiot!

“Well, we can work at your place, or I can have my brother pick us up and we can work at mine.” So, a little fact, suffering from severe depression and forced isolation leads to becoming an introvert. As an introvert, this exact scenario is a nightmare no matter how you swing it. At my place, I’ll feel like my sanctuary has been shattered. At his place, I’ll feel trapped. So why do I say…

“Can we go to yours?” Well, at least it was more than a one-word response, right?

“Sure, let me call Jacob.” He pulls out his phone and I can see him speaking, but my mind is stuck sorting through the details of our little meeting, trying to figure out how we’ve gone from never speaking to me going to his house in less than twenty-four hours.

“He’ll be here in five minutes.” And so, we sit awkwardly at the nearest bench while we wait. I try to ignore the curious looks and cold glares being cast our way by the other students walking by, but I’m too observant, I see each and every one. Finally, a black Chevy Blazer pulls up and Owen motions for me to follow him. I’m glad he lets me sit in the backseat and even more glad when the drive takes only another five minutes. I fire off a text to my dad, so he knows where I am and even include the address once we arrive, but I know he won’t care. I think part of him is just too damn tired to worry about me anymore.

“Alright, kids. Have fun and Owen, Tess is home, so no funny business.” Jacob speaks in a scolding tone, but he has a mischievous glint in his eyes that I don’t quite understand. I get out without a word and follow Owen to the front door of this overly luxurious house that’s only a hundred or so square feet shy of being a mansion.

“Come on, I’ll show you to my room.”

Chapter 2

Owen

This is by far the most awkward situation I’ve ever found myself in. I never invite girls to my house to do schoolwork. Hell, if Mina knew the things I do with girls in my room, I doubt she’d be following me so willingly. It’s not like I’m a playboy, but I’m not exactly innocent either. I’ve only been with three girls before, but I was with them a lot, especially Cassy. That’s one of those girls I should’ve dropped a lot sooner because now she’s clingy as hell. Now, I’m bringing Mina Winters here, a girl who, until today, I haven’t spoken even one word to.

“Tess is my little sister. She’s really obnoxious, but she’s not the worst sibling in the world.” God, why is this so awkward? She doesn’t even answer, but that seems to be her thing. She’s not talkative which, for a girl, seems really weird to me. I do have to admit that after reading her interpretation of that quote, I’m a little intrigued by her. Most of what drew me in was the way she worded things, like she was writing about herself and her own feelings, not what that Poe guy might’ve meant.

Mina has always been the odd one out, but I never paid any attention to her. Sure, I’ve seen people giving her hell and being dicks to her on more than one occasion, but I never participated. I’m sure you’re saying something like ‘watching it happen and doing nothing about it is no different than being the one torturing the person’, but this is high school. Standing up for people like Mina makes you a target too.

Once we get settled in my room, with Mina sitting stiff as a board against the wall by my bookshelf while I sit on the edge of my bed, we work through gathering our sources and typing up notes, though it seems like Mina has a lot of knowledge about the Poe guy already stored in that strange little brain of hers.

“Owen! Can I have popcorn?!” I roll my eyes just as the door swings open and Tess comes storming in.

“Tess, I’m working on homework.” As soon as I say it, Tess spots Mina and skips over to her.

“Hi, I’m Tess! You’re really pretty!” You have to love the big mouths on six year old’s.

“So are you. I’m Mina.” Mina smiles at Tess, like actually smiles! Okay, so it doesn’t quite reach her silver grey eyes, but…she smiled! I didn’t even know she could smile!

“You want popcorn?” I watch as Mina glances down at her notepad then up at me before her gaze settles back on Tess.

“Sure?” Tess doesn’t pick up on the questioning tone, only on the fact that Mina said yes.

“Come on! I’ll show you where mom put it!” It’s already after six, so I figure that’s a good place to quit for the night. I move my laptop and notebook to my desk then follow Mina and Tess to the kitchen after Mina packs up her things too. Tess retrieves a bag of microwave popcorn and Mina takes it from her then gets it into the microwave before nervously leaning against the counter while she waits.

“Are you Owen’s friend?” Mina looks lost, almost panicky, so I decide to save her.

“Yeah, she’s my friend, Tess.” Mina doesn’t look like she knows how to process my answer, but I think it was a better answer than saying ‘no, she’s just some weird loner girl that I got stuck being partners with for a school project’. Thankfully, a ringing sound coming from Mina’s pocket steals the attention away from the subject. I swear, Mina looks completely baffled as she pulls the phone out of her pocket, swipes the screen then places it to her ear with a furrowed brow.

“Dad? Oh, okay. Yeah…you too…bye.” Strangest, shortest and coldest phone call I’ve ever witnessed. She spoke to him with a flat, icy tone that even has Tess looking at her funny.

“Are you okay, Mina?” Tess has always been a nosy little thing, but at least it’s her asking and not me.

“Uh, yeah? I guess my dad’s going out of town for the week.” She slips the phone back into her pocket then removes the popcorn from the microwave and carefully opens the bag, pouring it into a bowl that Tess pulled out for her.

“Do you get to have a girl’s day with your mom? My momma always takes me for girl’s day when daddy goes away for work.” Sounds like an innocent enough question, right? Wrong!

“I don’t have a mom.” She doesn’t say it in a sad way, or like she’s angry…just states it like it’s a normal thing to be confessing to a six year old you just met.

“I should get going.” She doesn’t even wait for a response before turning and heading out of the kitchen with me following behind her. She heads straight to my bedroom, grabs her backpack and turns so fast she slams right into my chest. I swear, it was just an automatic response from my body, but my arms wrap around her instantly to stabilize her so she doesn’t fall. It was a mistake and now she’s stiff as a damn board and her body is trembling a little.

“Careful there, speed racer. I figured I would be a gentleman and walk you home. You live on Crest View, right?” I remember seeing her going into a house there a few times when I was dropping off one of the guys on the team, you know, before my car decided it would be fun to blow a head gasket. She doesn’t say anything, but she gives a stiff nod of her head and that’s enough for me. I let my arms slide away from her, making sure to not let her think I was being inappropriate, though I hope she doesn’t really think I’d be the kind of guy to do something inappropriate to her. Wait, why does it matter what she thinks of me?

The walk to her house is pretty short, her street only being three blocks from mine. She doesn’t talk and her arms are wrapped around her waist, almost like she’s trying to shield herself from an attack that’s not even coming. She’s so different than all the girls I’m used to, but she honestly isn’t as weird as I thought she was either. When she turns and cuts across the grass at a single-story home with a nice wrap-around porch, I follow her until I’m at the bottom step of the porch then watch as she pulls out her keys to unlock the door.

“I think we should be able to finish up the last part of the assignment in class over the next few days, don’t you?” She doesn’t even turn her head when she nods.

“Thanks for walking me home, Owen.” She doesn’t wait for me to say anything back, she just pushes open the door, steps inside and closes it behind her.

It’s been two days since I walked Mina home and she’s back to being her completely closed off self. During English yesterday and today, she worked silently, only acknowledging me when she handed me the rough draft of the essay on Poe for me to review. I fully intended to do more than just help with the research part of it, but she clearly had other ideas. Now it’s lunch time and a few of the guys on the team decided that we should get together and run drills, so I’m heading down the hall to the doors that lead to the football field when I spot Mina through the large glass door, leaning against a tree with her head down while Cassy and her goon squad stand in front of her. I pick up my pace and head toward Mina instead of the field.

“I don’t get why you’re still here. No one cares about you and none of us want you here. Do us all a favor and try a little harder to off yourself this time. It’s pretty sad when your life accomplishments include failing to kill yourself. Could you be more pathetic?” I’ve heard Cassy and other kids in school say some pretty bad shit to Mina over the years, but this?! This isn’t just bad, it’s cruel and malicious in every way.

“Leave her the fuck alone, Cass. Take your band of bitches and leave.” She’s obviously surprised by me stepping in and, hell, so am I. I’ve never participated in tormenting Mina, but I’ve never really tried to stop it before either.

“Oh, please! Are you seriously defending her?! What, are you trying to get into the loser’s pants or something? Come on, Owen, don’t act like you care about her now.” I get why she’s confused because this whole thing doesn’t make sense to me either, but I can’t just walk away and let her keep saying that shit to Mina…I won’t.

“Go to hell, Cass. You can walk away, or I can tell everyone about what I saw at that party last month.” She narrows her eyes at me, her usual attempt to intimidate me that she should damn well know by now won’t work on me.

“Screw you, Owen! Come on, let’s go.” I watch as her band of barbie bitches storm off then turn back to Mina who hasn’t moved an inch.

“Are you okay?” She sighs loudly and tilts her head back, her eyes turned to the sky.

“You shouldn’t have done that. Why? Why did you say anything? Why now?” She closes her eyes, but not before I saw the glistening tears building in them. Being almost a foot taller than her makes it easy to see the pained expression on her face and it has my stomach churning with an uneasy feeling that I really don’t like.

“What do you mean? I wasn’t going to stand there and just let her say that shit to you. No one deserves that abuse, Mina. She’s just a heartless bitch and I wasn’t going to walk away when I heard the things she said to you. Now, are…you…okay?” She lets out another sigh, but this one almost sounds like a sigh of defeat.

“I’m fine. It’s nothing I haven’t heard before and it’s nothing I haven’t thought myself. You should go. If people see you being nice to the school freak, you’ll be putting a target on your back too.” She pushes off the tree and heads toward the building while I just watch her, wondering what the hell I’m supposed to do with that knowledge. Sure, we all know the story about her failed suicide attempt and, clearly, it’s something people are using to torture her, but I guess I didn’t realize she believes all the shit people say to her.

“Hey, Landry, you coming?” I turn my head to see Bryce, my best friend, standing there with a confused look on his face. Little does Mina know, Bryce is the only person in the school who has openly defended her against the people talking shit behind her back. He’s shut a lot of mouths when he caught them spewing hateful shit about her, something I’m apparently too much of a coward to do…or at least I was, until now.

“Yeah, I’m coming.” I catch up with him and immediately notice his furrowed brow and downcast eyes as we walk the rest of the way to the field.

“You got a thing for Winters?” I look at him, somewhat surprised he went there.

“No, she’s my partner for an English project.” He glances over at me then shakes his head.

“You’re not doing this to fuck with her, right? It’s not some kind of prank? You know, befriend the loner then humiliate her in front of the whole class or some shit?” It sucks, like really sucks, that he thinks I would do something like that.

“Fuck, no! I’m not messing with her! I stopped Cass because that shit was uncalled for and cruel as hell. I can’t believe she was saying that shit to her.” He looks at me now, but it’s a look of disbelief and maybe even a little irritation.

“Wow, so it’s cruel now, but you had no problem with her saying that shit when Cass was still fucking you. You realize that all that shit is the same shit she’s been saying for years, right?” I wish I could deny it, say I didn’t know, but I did. I got good at tuning out Cassy, but I knew the awful shit she would say and I didn’t do a damn thing to stop it.

“I know, I was a fucking coward, Bryce, but I’m not going to just stand back and let her treat Mina that way anymore. She doesn’t deserve that.” He watches me for a moment, both of us now stopped by the bench.

“She never deserved it, Owen. She may be different and she’s got a lot of demons, but that doesn’t mean she should be treated like a leper.” I rake my hand through my hair, knowing everything he’s saying is right, but hating that I have to admit I was a willing spectator of her torture.

“I know, man. I get it.” We drop our conversation when everyone else finally makes it out and dive right into running plays.

Chapter 3

Mina

I can’t believe that happened! What the hell was he thinking?! I can’t wrap my head around why the hell he’s suddenly trying to stand up for me when he never has in the past. This whole situation is a mess and all because of that damned assignment. I don’t get why he suddenly seems to be bothered by what Cassy says to me. What changed? Maybe this is all some joke? Maybe it’s part of some elaborate prank and he’s just waiting for me to drop my guard? I don’t want to automatically assume the worst of people, but when people always show you their worst, you aren’t left with much of a choice.

Instead of going to class, I walk straight through the halls and out the door on the other side, choosing to go home before the darkness can pull me under completely in a place where there would be witnesses to my self-destruction.

I stayed home from school the rest of the week and hid in my room. On Saturday, Owen came by a few hours after my dad got home, but I refused to see him, so my dad sent him away. For the rest of the weekend, I managed to get my laundry done while my dad was out then remained in my room until my alarm went off this morning. I arrived just as the first bell rang, just like I always do, and headed straight to class. During my extended stay at home, I did manage to type out our rough draft of our essay, using a combination of my research and Owen’s since he was kind enough to actually do research at all. I wait for Mr. Fisher to come in, but I wasn’t prepared to see Owen again, not that he’s giving me a choice as he walks right over and takes the seat next to mine.

“Hey, are you okay? I tried stopping by to check on you, but your dad said you were ill?” Of course, my dad told him I was sick. He wouldn’t want to admit I was struggling against myself, fighting off invisible demons in my own head.

“I’m fine.” I reach into my bag and pull out the essay then set it on his desk.

“You finished it?” I swear I hear disappointment in his voice, but I might be imagining it. He’s quiet for a few minutes before he speaks up again.

“You used my research.” He sounds genuinely surprised and when I risk a glance his way, he has a soft smile on his face.

“Alright, class. I assume you all have your rough drafts ready to hand in?” The usual grumpy murmurs fill the room as people start shuffling to his desk to hand their work in. Thankfully, Owen gets up and walks up so I don’t have to. The rest of the class goes by quietly with us being instructed to use the class as a study hall to catch up in our other classes.

By the time the lunch bell rings, I’m ready for a break from my own thoughts, but I know better. There’s no escaping the demons, no matter how hard I try. I retreat to my usual spot by the tree, hoping for just one day where the rest of the outside world will just leave me in peace…but I really should know better by now.

“Awe, where’s your bodyguard today, freak? Did he finally realize what a worthless waste of space you are? So, I heard a rumor and I thought you could clear things up. Is it true that your mom left because you were too fucked up for her to deal with? I bet she would’ve been really impressed with the fact that you couldn’t even manage to off yourself without fucking it up. I’m guessing you lost the last one, so here…I think you could use this.” I watch as the razor blade lands at my feet, the sun glinting off the metal as the evil bitch continues to stand there laughing at me.

“Cassy! I warned you to stay away from her! Maybe everyone would like to know that the reason I broke up with you after that party was because I walked in on you fucking your cousin!” My head whips up, my eyes automatically finding Owen’s deep blue ones. I don’t know what to focus on, the shock of what he just said, or the shock of seeing him stand up for me yet again.

“I…you’re lying! I can’t believe you would go around lying about something like that!” I see it, the truth in his eyes and I can see he’s not finished yet.

“Since I’m lying, I guess that means you won’t mind if I send everyone the video I got of the whole thing, right?” I hear her gasp, but my eyes don’t leave Owen’s. For the first time in longer than I can remember, I don’t feel so alone…so broken.

“Fuck you, Owen!” Cassy storms off, but much to my surprise, her lemming take off in the other direction.

“Hey, you okay, Mina?” I think I nod, or maybe I don’t, but my mind short circuits when he steps forward and pulls me in for a hug.

“I should’ve stood up to her a long time ago. I’m sorry I didn’t. I never should’ve let her treat you that way. I’m so sorry, Mina.” I don’t know what to say…what to do…so I just…stand there.

“Come on, let me show you my favorite place to go around here when I want to hide from everyone.” He steps back, but then he grabs my hand and pulls me along behind him. He takes me to the old baseball field that’s now nothing more than a field overrun by weeds with two dugouts. He leads me to the dugout that faces away from the school and pulls me over to the bench inside.

“This is my thinking spot, but you can come here to get away from Cassy and the bitch squad if you want.” There are so many things going through my head, so many questions.

“Why are you doing this?” It’s a vague question considering the this refers to so many things. Showing me a place that’s just his, being nice to me, standing up for me…none of it makes any sense to me.

“Doing what?” He can’t be serious. How is it not obvious to him?

“Why’d you bring me here? Why’d you stand up to Cassy? Why do you suddenly care?” I don’t really talk to people, but I think these questions are worth voicing because I really want to hear the answers.

“I was an asshole and a coward before. I knew the shit they were saying to you, but I was too much of a coward to do anything about it. I stood up to Cassy because someone needed to. As for why I suddenly care, I guess I finally saw you, really saw you. You’re not the person everyone thinks you are.” He looks sincere, but it’s hard to believe him. All these years of him sitting back and watching my world burn, but now he wants to protect me?

“I have depression. That’s what’s wrong with me.” I don’t know why I felt the need to tell him. I certainly don’t owe him an explanation, but the words came out before I could stop them and now, here we are, sitting with the weight of my confession as a long, tense moment of silence passes between us.

“Like…you’re sad a lot?” I didn’t expect him to understand the whole concept of true depression, so his question doesn’t surprise me.

“It’s more than that. It’s…imaging being in a lake that’s so deep that you can’t see the bottom. You tread the water and fight the current, but no matter what you do, it’s a fight just to keep your head above water. You feel like you can’t get out, like you should just give up because no matter what you do, you’re alone in that lake and the water is trying so hard to pull you under. Now, imagine the water wraps around you, making it hard to breathe, impossible to think, impossible to break free. Your own mind tells you to give up, that you’re not strong enough, smart enough, brave enough. It tells you that you’re not worthy of surviving, that you don’t deserve to be free. Imagine seeing everyone you know standing on the shore, everyone watching you, but no one knows how to help you and some don’t even want to help you. That’s depression.” It’s the best way I could think to explain it and judging by the look in his eyes, I think he gets it.

“Do you always feel like that, or are some days better than others?” Aside from my therapist, this is the most I’ve talked to anyone about my depression and I’m actually kind of thankful he’s asking questions instead of running for the hills.

“There aren’t any days where it feels better, but there are plenty of days where it feels worse.” I would’ve expected this discussion, or any discussion close to it, to make me uncomfortable, but I find his curiosity intriguing. No one outside of my therapist has really shown much interest in my condition…not even my own dad. Most people tend to pretend it doesn’t exist.

“So…last year…when you…” It’s obvious he doesn’t want to say it, but I don’t know if that’s for my benefit or his.

“When I tried to kill myself?” He swallows loud enough that I hear it before nodding his head.

“That was on purpose?” That’s a complicated question with an even more complicated answer, one my therapist asked me quite frequently.

“Yes and no. I knew that there was a chance I wouldn’t come out of it, but I figured that, best case scenario, it would end everything. Worst case scenario, maybe it would be enough to finally make me feel normal. Part of me was convinced that if one pill takes the edge off, thirty would surely chase the darkness away. The other part of me, the darker part, hoped it would just make it all go away.” He wasn’t expecting that answer, but I get it. Anyone who’s never felt true depression wouldn’t.

“Do you still think…that? Do you still want to end everything?” Usually, it’s a thought that constantly sits in the back of my mind. Right now, here in this very moment, the dark thoughts are there, but they feel a little farther away.

“Truthfully, yes. I know it would be easier for me and hell, it would hurt my dad, but in the long run, it would probably make his life easier too. As much as that thought runs through my head, I hold onto something that keeps me from crossing that line again.” I hate that this is the way things are for me and seeing the confusion in his eyes reminds me of how different we are. He has hopes, dreams and goals he wants to work for in life. Me? My only goal is to keep breathing, to survive, one day at a time.

“What are you holding on to that keeps you from doing that again?” My mind slips back to that day at the hospital, the day I regained consciousness only to find my dad sitting beside my hospital bed. He was falling apart in the chair right next to me, saying a prayer for someone to save me. He was never a religious man, but he was willing to try anything, even praying to a god he doesn’t believe in…to save me.

“I made someone a promise. I promised I would keep fighting.” I look at Owen and he has a faint smile on his face as he stares down at the ground.

“So, you always keep your promises then?” He doesn’t know that I’ve only ever made one promise in my life. He also doesn’t know that I struggle every day to keep that promise.

“I figured I owe them. I’ve cost them so much already, so the least I can do is this one thing, even if it means feeling broken for the rest of my life.” We hear the bell ring, but neither of us makes a move to get up at first.

“I’m glad you made that promise, Mina. We should get to class.” I get up, nod then walk to the school with Owen walking beside me and surprising me when he walks me right to my classroom door.

Chapter 4

Owen

I’ve been thinking about what Mina said all day, the way she described her depression to me. I’ve never felt that way, but I definitely can’t imagine feeling that way every single day. When she was talking to me, she seemed…different. She’s nothing like I thought she was and that makes me regret my choice to say silent even more. I head to my next class and I try to focus on the lesson, but the noise in my own head is too damn loud to even hear the teacher.

My last class is finally over and I waste no time getting out of the building and putting as much distance between me and this hellhole as I can. Right as I make it across the street, I notice Mina walking ahead of me with her usual black hoodie on and her backpack slung over her shoulder. I speed up, only slowing down once I catch up with her.

“Can I walk you home?” She looks up at me, her silver grey eyes narrowed at me as if she can’t figure out why I would ask. I guess I get it, it’s not like I’ve ever made an attempt before and up until three weeks ago, I was driving, so it isn’t like I would’ve bumped into her walking home.

“Um, sure?” The walk to her house is quiet, but it’s not uncomfortable. When we reach her door, she looks lost, like she doesn’t know what to say or do and it’s actually pretty adorable.

“We should hang out sometime. We can watch a movie and order pizza.” I don’t know why I threw that suggestion out there, but I don’t regret it.

“Why?” I hate that she’s suspicious of anyone who tries to be nice to her. I understand why she is, but I really hate it.

“Because I’d like to hang out with you?” Her brow furrows and her silver eyes dart around, looking around like she’ll find someone waiting to jump out at her.

“I…my dad…he’s gone for the next week.” I can tell she’s nervous and maybe it’s from thinking I might do something to her if we go inside without someone there, so I offer a solution.

“That’s okay. My car should be fixed Wednesday, so how about I give you a ride to my place Friday after school and we can watch a movie there? My mom and Tess will be home.” She still looks unsure, but I notice her body relax a little.

“Okay.” She turns toward the door then stops, looks over her shoulder at me then shakes her head and quickly unlocks her door then slips inside, closing and locking the door behind her.

It took a lot of effort, but I finally got Mina to give me her phone number in class last Tuesday after bugging the hell out of her for it. We’ve been texting back and forth since then, well it’s more of me texting and her sometimes responding, and we spend every lunch together in the dugout. We had our little movie and dinner date where my mom got to meet Mina and I think everything went really well. I told my mom about Mina, hoping to be able to avoid any conversations that may trigger her depression. My mom fell in love with her almost instantly.

Now we’re halfway through the week and I’ve been trying to get her to agree to go to my game on Friday, but she’s not budging. I get that she doesn’t want to be surrounded by people who have spent the last four years making her life hell, but I even told her she can sit with my mom and Tess, but she still refuses. Even if I can’t get her to go, I still plan to skip the party after and go see her.

Cassy has been unusually quiet lately, so I’m hoping that my threat hit its mark with her and that she’ll stay the hell away. Bryce has been pretty pleased with my new somewhat friendship with Mina, he said she’s been good for me and hell, maybe she really has. Today has been a rainy, windy day and while I’m not a fan, it didn’t stop me from meeting Mina at the dugout. Seeing her there, I knew something was different right away. Her body was less tense, her eyes were gently closed and she just seemed to be able to breathe easier.

“You’re soaked, Mina. Aren’t you cold?” Her eyes slowly open and the smallest ghost of a smile takes over her usually guarded face.

“No. I love storms like this.” She watches me, her smile growing just a little when she sees my confused expression.

“How can you like it? It’s cloudy, windy and wet out here.” I really don’t get it.

“This…” She spreads her arms, gesturing to the cold, wet, windy world outside the dugout, “is how I feel inside every day. Days like this are a reminder that even nature has dark days.” I let that sink in, allow myself to see it from her point of view and it makes an odd sort of sense.

“Okay, so maybe it’s not the worst, but I’m driving you home after school.” I don’t give her any room to argue, but to my surprise, she doesn’t even try to.

“Okay.” When the bell rings, we both run back to the building and I’m blown away when I hear her giggle. It’s honestly the most beautiful sound and I wish it would never stop, but it does just as we walk through the doors. I walk her to her class, just like I have since that first time I took her to the dugout, then head on to my own, feeling anxious for school to get out.

I dipped out of my last class five minutes early and went to Mina’s classroom where I’ve been waiting for her to get out so we could walk to my car. I look through the window on the door and my blood instantly begins to boil when I see Cassy and two of her barbie bitches huddled around Mina’s desk while Mina keeps her head lowered as if she’s trying to ignore them. I want to choke that evil bitch and make her swallow the poison of every hateful thing she’s ever said to Mina. As soon as the bell rings, I push the door open and storm inside, heading straight to Mina.

“Come on, Mina. Cassy, I warned you and you didn’t listen. Just remember that when you’re facing the fallout tomorrow.” Mina glances up at me then quickly stands while I take her backpack from her, grab her hand and drag her out of that damn classroom. No wonder Mina’s life has been hell. Not only did people like me sit back and do nothing to help her, but even the teacher was sitting at his desk, completely ignoring the student being tormented only fifteen feet away from him. When we get to my car, I toss her backpack into the backseat then mine before stepping aside so Mina can get in. Once she’s in and I’ve closed her door, I head around to the driver’s side and climb in, but I need a minute before I can drive off. The car is quiet aside from my heavy breaths and the sound of the rain on the windshield.

“Are you okay?” It’s so strange hearing her ask me if I’m okay. It’s actually so out of character for our dynamic that I find myself laughing.

“No, I’m pissed. Are you okay?” She seems confused as I force the words out through my laughter.

“I’m fine. It’s not like she was saying anything I haven’t heard before.” I reach over and grab her hand, but then she does something so mind blowing, so not her…she laces her fingers with mine and squeezes.

“Come on, let’s get you home, yeah?” She smiles at me, a real, but soft smile. She releases my hand so I can start the car and shift into gear, but I don’t like it, so I reach for her hand again and she doesn’t even hesitate to place hers in mine, our fingers entwined like this is the most normal thing in the world.

Over the last two weeks, Mina and I have been spending more and more time together. I got to meet her dad last week and he seems like a nice guy, but his relationship with Mina is strained, there’s no denying it. Today I’m supposed to go over to her place after school and I won’t lie, I’ve been a little worried about her the past few days. She’s been…off. Something’s wrong, but she won’t tell me what. All she says is “I’m fine”, her default response, but I know she’s not fine and I’m determined to find out what the hell is going on.

I did release the video of Cassy and her cousin the night I dropped Mina off and part of me wonders if Cassy lashed out at Mina for it. I want to confront Cassy, but the chances of her telling me the truth are pretty non-existent…or so I thought. It’s our lunch break and I head to the dugout only to find it empty, so I wait ten minutes, but Mina still hasn’t shown up. I send her a text to ask where she is then head back to the building to look for her, but she’s not who I find.

“Oh my god…is…is that real?! Is she…did she…oh my god!” I recognize Brittney’s frantic voice and as expected, I see her standing next to Cassy, both of them staring at her phone with horrified expressions on their makeup caked faces.

“Cassy, have you been fucking with Mina?” She looks up at me and all the color has drained from her face as she hands me her phone. On the screen is an image that’ll forever be burned into my brain. On the screen is an image of Mina, fully clothed in the exact clothes she was wearing this morning, laying in a bathtub filled with reddish pink water and at the top is a message, “Don’t worry, I did it just like you told me to, wrist to elbow, and I even used the blade you gave me too. Maybe when I’m gone, you’ll finally be free of your own darkness.”. I stare for a few second, numb and frozen in place until something on the screen moves and I realize this isn’t a picture, it’s a live video feed and that realization hits me as I watch her dad drop to his knees and fight to pull her limp, lifeless body out of the tub, that’s enough to get my feet moving. I don’t even give Cassy’s phone back, I just take it and run to my car.

I make it to Mina’s in only five minutes, pulling in right behind the ambulance her father must’ve called. I get out of the car just as Mr. Winters walks out the door carrying her limp body in his arms, tears streaming down his face and both of them soaked from the water in the tub. Two cop cars pull up and I hear talking, shouting and sobbing that seems to be coming from everywhere, but I feel like I’m underwater, struggling to breathe, struggling to break the surface.

“Son, you can’t be here. I need you to get in your car and move along.” The officer’s hand on my shoulder pulls me back just enough for me to realize they’re blocking off the area and the ambulance is already pulling away.

“She…is she…oh god!” My legs give out and my knees slam into the sidewalk while a loud ringing fills my ears. I feel someone shaking me, or maybe that’s just my body shaking from the shock of this situation, but then two hands firmly grab my face.

“Hey, stay with me. You know the girl who lives here? Do you know what happened?” I nod my head then remember something.

“Her phone. She was sending a live video feed…she sent it to Cassy, a girl who’s bullied her for years. I…I didn’t know…” What can I say? I didn’t know how bad it was? Lie. I didn’t know Cassy was taking it that far? Another lie.

“This kid says there’s a phone in there live broadcasting. Go up to the bathroom and look for it, Stevens.” I hear another person respond with ‘got it’ then the officer is back to focusing on me.

“Would you be able to come down to the station and give a statement? If this really is the result of bullying, it needs to be dealt with so it doesn’t happen to someone else.” I know she’s right, so I nod.

“Okay, I’m going to help you into the cruiser and I’ll take you there myself so I can take your statement then we’ll get ahold of someone to get your car and get you home.” I give another nod. When we get to the station, I tell them everything, even where they can find Cassy’s phone that I left in my car.

Chapter 5

Owen

The weeks following Mina’s suicide were the worst weeks of my life. Cassy was arrested and charged as an adult for harassment and assault based on the photo, video and text message evidence they found on her phone. It seems that she liked to record a lot of her torment sessions with Mina. The school chose to expel her which means she won’t receive the option to complete the school year at the school even if she isn’t found guilty. No one knows anything about Mina, but a few days ago, rumors started spreading that she didn’t make it.

I’ve never felt such an emotional and physical pain in my life and no matter what I do, it won’t go away. I tried going over to talk to Mr. Winters, part of me hoping he would say the rumors were wrong, but when I got there, the only thing I found was an empty house and a for sale sign out front. I guess that’s enough of an answer, right?

It’s the week of graduation and while the kids at school stopped talking about Mina several months ago, I think about her all the time. A month after she took her life, Brittney approached me and showed me a video, one that she said Cassy had emailed to Mina on the school website. It was brutal, vicious and complete bullshit. Cassy claimed that she and I had made a plan for me to get close to her, then I was supposedly going to get her into bed and get it all on video to show the whole school. She said it was sent the morning Mina slit her wrists and that shit almost killed me. To know that the last thing on her mind was that I had betrayed her in such a disgusting way, how do you live with something like that?

Cassy got three years for the charges brought against her, but I don’t think that was nearly enough. She should’ve been charged with murder because I truly believe Mina would still be here if it wasn’t for Cassy. I graduated, got my diploma and packed up my shit that same night to leave for college. I wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of that town and away from the memories there that always felt like they were trying to suffocate me. It’s been four months since I left and I was surprised when my mom showed up for our once a month dinner night with a letter from Cassy that was mailed from her current home at the prison in Lexington. I waited until my mom left to read it, but it turns out it wasn’t a letter for me, it was for Mina. I guess she didn’t get the message that Mina’s gone.

Mina,

I owe you an apology. I was cruel, heartless and I said some of the most unforgivable things to you. The video I sent to you that day, it was all a lie. Owen never made a deal with me or had any plans to hurt you. I was jealous and I’m not ashamed to admit that now. I hope you’re okay now and that you can find happiness. I don’t deserve your forgiveness and because of that, I won’t ask for it. I just want you to know that you shouldn’t blame Owen for any of this because it was all me. I really am sorry.

Cassy

Eight Years Later…

“Owen! You got those files, man?” Bryce’s voice snaps me out of yet another memory I shouldn’t be getting lost in. Bryce and I went to work for my father’s security firm straight out of college and when he opened a branch one town over from where we grew up, he was more than happy to have us both take over running things.

“Yeah, one second!” We have an intercom system, but with my office being at the end of the hall and his being right next door, we tend to resort to yelling back and forth. I grab the stack of files he had our secretary, Rita, bring up earlier then head to his office.

“Who’s this anyway? Winter Security LLC?” He nods his head, but his focus is on his computer screen.

“Yeah, a small-time company with big possibilities. The owner designed all their own software and a lot of the schools in the state are using it for their computers. It has recognition software that’s been used to help identify and target cyberbullies. If the software finds one of the triggers, it automatically saves the search and chat history while also kicking on the computer’s webcam. They’ve helped catch more than thirty in the last six months.” I’ve actually heard about this, but very little is known about the company or its owner.

“Okay, so why do we have a file on them?” That gets a wide smile out of him and he finally looks at me.

“I set up a meeting with the owners. I’m meeting with them this morning.” I can tell he’s excited, but with this company making such a big name for themselves, I just don’t see where we fit in.

“Okay, again…why?” He laughs and sits back in his chair, clearly amused by my confusion.

“Partnering with them will help get our name out there more and will also allow us to help them push to improve their product, get it to reach even more people. Working with them is a win-win.” He has a point, I can’t deny that.

“Sounds good. When’s the meeting?” As if summoned, Rita’s voice comes through the intercom.

“Mr. Jensen, your nine thirty is here.” His smile widens, making him look like a damn Cheshire cat.

“Send them to conference room two, please. Thank you, Rita.” He gets up and grabs the files.

“You coming?” I nod and follow him out the door. When we get to the conference room, I wasn’t sure what to expect, so when we walk in to find two petite women, I’ll admit, I’m surprised. One of the women has dark blonde hair that’s cut short and spiked up on top. She’s wearing a grey pencil skirt and white blouse with a little more makeup than I think she needs to wear. The other woman, whose back is facing us, is wearing a black pencil skirt and a grey silk long sleeve blouse which is weird since it’s summer and over eighty degrees outside. She has black hair that’s pulled into some intricate twist at the back which exposes her neck that has a tree of life tattoo on display.

“Good morning, I’m Bryce and this is my partner, Owen.” The blonde smiles while the raven haired woman turns and her silver grey eyes go wide as they dart back and forth between me and Bryce.

“Hi! I’m Shelly and this is…” Bryce cuts her off, his voice almost low enough to be a whisper.

“Mina?” She blinks a few times, something I don’t think I’m capable of right now.

“Uh, you all know each other?” Shelly narrows her eyes at me and Bryce then shifts her attention to Mina.

“We used to.” Her tone is cold, but her eyes…that’s where I see the truth of what she’s feeling and it kills me. I can see the hurt, the betrayal that she still believes I was capable of. At one point I had been mad at her for even thinking I could be capable of doing something so awful to her, but Bryce is the one who reminded me that I spent three years letting awful things happen to her every day, so she had every right to assume the worst.

“O-kay…well, can we get started? We have a meeting with the local high school at eleven.” Shelly motions for us to sit, so we all do, though reluctantly.

“Alright, let’s get right to it…we’ve looked into your software and its current uses and reviews. I have to say, we’re more than a little impressed. What we’d like to propose is…” Bryce goes on to detail his idea for us to partner with them which will clearly benefit both parties, but right now, they would benefit more than we would with the extra resources and our ability to expand their reach for their product. Shelly and Bryce carry the whole meeting while I sit in shock because Mina is sitting right across from me with her hands clasped in her lap and her head lowered. I wish I could tell you what else was said or if an agreement was reached, but my mind was definitely not focused on the meeting, not when I had a ghost sitting only mere feet away from me.

“What the hell, Owen?! I get it, that whole thing was…fuck…it was insane and completely impossible, but you were a damn statue!” I know he’s frustrated, but I can also tell understands why I froze the way I did.

“She’s alive? After all this time…I thought…” I shake my head, not even wanting to say the words. He knows exactly what I thought because we all thought it.

“I know, man. She looks good though.” He’s not wrong, she looks amazing.

“Shit, she still thinks I helped Cassy! I need to find that damn letter and give it to her. I need her to know I wasn’t a fucking monster.” I showed Bryce the letter from Cassy and I had showed him that fucking video, so he knows how much it was killing me to think the last thing she had on her mind when she died was that I betrayed her. I would never have betrayed her, hell, I was falling for her!

“Well, I might be able to help you. Shelly asked me to draw up a contract and have it delivered so she could go over it with Mina. You can run home and get that letter while I get the contract ready, then you can take both over there.” It’s perfect, it has to be because now that I know she’s not gone, I need her to know everything.

It’s almost five when I reach the office for Winter Security LLC and I’m starting to worry I might’ve missed her. I head into the two-story office building where an older woman is sitting behind a desk with a bright, welcoming smile.

“Hello, can I help you?” She asks in the sweetest voice.

“I’m here to give Shelly the contract for Ralston & Landry Security.” She nods as if she was expecting me.

“Second floor, follow the signs. Mrs. Carson and Ms. Winters are in their office.” I rush to the elevator and the doors open right away. The ride up passes in a blink then I’m stepping out into a nice, but modern office space. I see the sign indicating Carson and Winters with an arrow pointing to the hall to the right, so I follow it as the old woman instructed. I expected to find two separate offices, but instead, I find a set of double doors that are propped open and lead to a large office with two desks, one in each corner near the floor to ceiling windows that look out over the small garden at the back of the building.

“Oh, Mr. Landry…I wasn’t expecting you to have the contract ready so quickly.” I smile at Shelly and approach her desk with the file held out for her. As soon as she takes it, I walk over to Mina’s desk and set the envelope in front of her, my eyes locking on hers.

“Take your time reviewing the contract and get back to us with any changes or adjustments you feel need to be made. Mina, I wish I could have given you this a long time ago, but I thought…I thought you were…gone.” Her brow furrows and she looks down at the envelope then back at me.

“Yeah, I obviously moved after everything.” Her tone is both cold and pained…it really hurts to know she believes the lie still.

“I received this a few months after graduation and was asked to give it to you, but…it was hard to do that when I thought you died.” Her eyes widen and her mouth drops open slightly.

“You…you thought I was dead?!” I nod, my eyes never leaving her as I silently beg her to read the damn letter, to believe I’m not the bad guy she so easily believed me to be…to trust me.

“We all did. No one at the school would talk about you and when I went to see your dad to see if you were okay, he was gone. That’s when the rumors started and, well, everyone believed them because no one was proving them wrong.” She nods, but I think she’s in shock right now.

“Please, read that letter and…if you want to talk after, call me.” I set my business card with my personal cell number on it right on top of the letter. I force a weak smile then, as much as don’t want to, head out the door.

Chapter 6

Mina

Never in a million years would I have thought I would run into Owen Landry again. I know, I know, I only live one town away from where my life went to hell in spectacular fashion. I was honestly kind of surprised to hear that everyone thought I was dead…but it’s kind of amusing too. I was a nobody, invisible to everyone but Cassy, yet after my second failed attempt at taking my life, I became the subject of gossip? That’s just…wild.

I was put into a psychiatric treatment center for four months after that incident then did therapy three times a week for two years to get to where I am now. I’ve adapted, learned to deal with wearing long sleeve shirts to hide the scars and smile even on the bad days. Don’t get me wrong, the depression is still there, it always will be, but we found new outlets and a cocktail of medication that works to help make it tolerable. I think the biggest thing that pulled me out of the darkness was my dad. While I was locked away, he came to see me every day after work and even attended therapy sessions with me. He learned about my condition and ways to help me with it. Unlike my mom, he didn’t abandon me when things got too hard, he found the strength to help fight through it with me.

I can’t say that Owen’s betrayal didn’t hurt because that shit cut deep. I know that’s why I froze up when I saw him, the pain hit me so much harder than I could’ve expected. I thought I was over it, but I guess that whole ‘out of sight, out of mind’ thing really is true. Now he left me this letter and Shelly’s watching me, waiting for me to open it. What the hell difference is a letter going to make? Why would he even write me one if he thought I was dead? I shouldn’t read it. I should just throw the damn thing away and get back to work…but…Shit, yep…I’m going to read it.

Mina,

I owe you an apology. I was cruel, heartless and I said some of the most unforgivable things to you. The video I sent to you that day, it was all a lie. Owen never made a deal with me or had any plans to hurt you. I was jealous and I’m not ashamed to admit that now. I hope you’re okay now and that you can find happiness. I don’t deserve your forgiveness and because of that, I won’t ask for it. I just want you to know that you shouldn’t blame Owen for any of this because it was all me. I really am sorry.

Cassy

I…was not expecting that. I figured it would be a letter from Owen apologizing for everything, or maybe owning up to and confessing everything, but…Cassy? When the hell did she write this? Oh god…the things I did…what I put my dad through all because his betrayal hurt so much…but he didn’t betray me…did he? I guess the chaos in my head was being displayed on my face because suddenly Shelly is kneeling beside me, trying to walk me through the panic attack that’s forcing itself on me.

“Deep breath, in through your nose…one, two three…out through your mouth….one two three. Let’s do it again.” It takes a few rounds of her focused breathing for it to start fading, but it finally loosens its grip and I can breathe again. Shelly knows about the shit that I went through in high school, pretty much the same shit she went through too, but I left out names because I didn’t see a point. I never planned to see any of the people from my past again.

“It’s him…the guy…” I push the letter over to her, still unable to get my thoughts untangled enough to speak clearly.

“Shit, is this Cassy the one who did all that shit to you?” I nod, my eyes stinging with tears while my mind is reeling as it tries to process and correct every lie I had let myself believe over the years.

“And this Owen…he’s…oh shit! Owen is the guy who tried to play you…only he didn’t really try to play you! Oh, god, Mina! You have to hear him out! You need to call him, Mina! You two need to clear the air! God, and he thought you were dead?! Can you imagine what he went through?! And then for him to think you died believing he was trying to hurt you! Oh, god! Mina, you better call him! Now, go on! You’re not putting this off!” Every word out of her mouth is like a knife to my heart. Without thinking, I pick up my phone and dial the number on his card then press the phone to my ear.

“Owen Landry speaking.”

“Owen…”

“Mina?!”

“I…I read the…the letter.”

“Thank god. I know there’s a lot for us to talk about. Could we maybe meet for dinner?”

“Oh, um, I…I don’t do well with crowded places.”

“Oh…”

“But, if you want to come to my place at, say, seven? I can make us dinner.”

“Yes! I mean…yeah, that’d be great!”

“I’ll text you my address and see you at seven.”

“I’ll be there. Thank you, Mina.”

“See you soon.” I end the call with my hands trembling so badly that I almost drop my damn phone.

“Well, you best get out of here. You have a dinner to make. You better know I expect details in the morning, all the details, none of that PG shit!” I can’t help but smile at Shelly, the woman has been my rock more times than I can count. I fire off the text with my address and the door code to get into my building then grab my things and head out.

One of my favorite things about our office, it’s only seven blocks away from my apartment. I make it just before six and by six forty-five, I’m almost finished making dinner and was even able to take a quick shower and change into leggings and a lose fitting grey cable knit sweater. At five till seven, I hear a knock on my door that has my heart racing as I make my way over.

“Hey, you look beautiful, Mina.” Not only does Owen look amazing in a pair of light blue jeans and a tight black tee, but he’s holding a bouquet of lilies, my favorite flower, though he doesn’t know that.

“Thank you. Come on in.” I step to the side and let him in then close and lock the door.

“It smells amazing in here.” I’m fairly certain my cheeks are firetruck red by now, but he’s nice enough to not point it out.

“I made sun dried tomato pasta with sweet Italian sausage and garlic bread. I hope that’s okay.” His smile, oh how I missed that smile!

“It sounds perfect. So, a penthouse, huh?” And there go my flaming cheeks again. I do live in a penthouse, but not because I’m trying to show off my money. It was a deal I was given by a company we created custom security software for. As a result of working with them, I got the penthouse for a steal.

“Yeah, it’s a little much, but it’s home.” I give him a shy smile then head to the kitchen to check on dinner.

“It sure beats my two-bedroom shoe box on the other side of town. You live alone?” His question makes me pause, catching me off guard.

“Um, yeah?” Was that a way of asking if I’m seeing someone?

“Really? Man, then yeah, this is a lot of room for one person. So, you read the letter?” I turn off the oven, pull out the garlic bread and set it on the stove before turning to face him.

“Yeah, I did. I…god, this whole thing is such a mess. I really didn’t know…and I didn’t know you all thought I was dead!” He walks into the kitchen, eating up the distance between us in only a few long, determined strides.

“Hey, stop. I know you didn’t know, Mina. Brittney showed me the video that Cassy sent you, so I even knew why you did what you did. I won’t lie and say I wasn’t angry for a while though. I was so mad that you thought I would ever do something so awful, but…I get why you did too. I gave you years of reasons to think the worst, but only weeks of reasons to doubt that I would do something like that. I was so damn heartbroken…I thought the last thing that was going through your mind before…god, I didn’t want your last thought to be that I was trying to hurt you.” The tears streaming down his face and the choked sob that accompanies them are my undoing. I throw my arms around him, holding onto him for dear life while we both become sobbing messes.

“All of this because of a few misunderstandings.” We both let out a mixture of sounds that are half sob, half laugh.

“You seem…happy.” I step back and take a good look at him, realizing just how much we’ve both changed over the years.

“I think I am. It hasn’t been easy and the first few years were really hard, but my dad was with me every step of the way. That’s why he moved, to be closer to me. I was in a psychiatric facility for a while and he made sure he was close enough to come visit me every day.” The smile he gives me is enough to melt my damn heart.

“I’m so happy to hear that, Mina. I really wish I had known you were…that I could’ve given you that letter sooner so we could’ve gotten here quicker. I…I never got to tell you…” He drags a hand down his face and lets out a heavy sigh, clearly struggling with what he’s trying to say.

“Tell me what, Owen?” His hand fall to his sides and he gives me a look that both makes me excited and nervous as hell.

“That I was falling in love with you. I know you thought people only saw everything you thought was wrong with you, but I saw you. I saw the smart, funny, caring, brave person you were. I wanted to build something with you and I started with friendship because I wanted you to see that you could trust me, that I wouldn’t hurt you and I wouldn’t leave you.” I’m…speechless. My therapist at the treatment center helped me to see that the reason Owen’s specific betrayal, the one that it turns out never happened, hurt so much is because my feelings for him ran deeper than I let myself believe. It seems that while he was falling for me, I was busy falling for him.

“Me too. Where does that leave us now?” I’m actually afraid to hear his answer because right now, everything I felt for him back then is coming back full force.

“Well, now we see where this goes. I’m all in if you are, Mina.” The dark thoughts are still there and I hear them trying to thread the doubt through my thoughts.

“You need to know that I still have bad days, days where the darkness is just too overwhelming. Being with me won’t be easy.” I close my eyes, afraid to see the disgust, disappointment and loathing in his eyes…some old habits never die. I feel his hands slide around me, pulling me tightly against his chest and his lips pressing against my forehead.

“Then I guess those are the days when I’ll have to be your light.”