21 bye good ‘ole friend

“…was nice having you,

so sorry you’re leaving so soon…”

Mamaw kissed Pamma

at the train station.

And Papaw tapped her shoulder

with consolation.

And the girl had made up a tale

that she was allergic

to the sycamore tree

in our backyard.

And Eric stood there,

on guard.

Just hoping

and praying

she said nothing.

The train hooted,

and I scooted closer

to give Pamma a hug.

‘Cause I did like her,

and she gingerly held me,

like I was a slug,

then reached down for her lug.

I shrugged.

‘Cause what could I do,

yeah?

Dispite watchu think, I liked the gal.

Liked that the table was set for more tfour.

Liked that she shared the chores.

Liked that she would like

the tom boy stuff.

And she got so used

to the scruff.

She even petted the horses.

And fed the fowls.

Watched as Mamaw dryly

milked the cows.

She was good.

Not great, but good.

And boy, she grew on me,

in the only way a city gal could.

We bid her safe travel

and off she went.

Down the line,

in her strawberry hat

And her dark cream dress.

Mamaw called,

“And my dear,

please come back again!”

Poor Ma,

she’d clearly lost

her new little friend…

22 bee hive/harvest day

‘Tis was Sunday,

and people were here for harvest day.

And Poppy was here,

and Sandy.

Laura was at her man’s,

so Sandy claimed.

But I said nothing to that…

I did that too once,

with a man that couldn’t be named…

and the village women,

some couldn’t stop fawning over Eric,

and I could see why.

He was wearing a white dress shirt,

with black pants,

and muscles all in the right places.

You should see the blushes

on the women’s faces.

Papaw once again was chatting Eric’s ear off

about God-knows-what,

and Sandy and I

helped Mamaw at the grill.

And as I looked over my shoulders,

my eyes squinted in Eric’s direction.

Where he stood,

under the pine tree.

In his hand was

a plastic cup of ice tea.

And he looked at me at the same time.

He stared,

and stared,

and stared…

And I hadn’t known

Poppy

was looking between us both.

My god, he saw that

but not the fact that his toes

was poking through his boots.

Poppy waited

for when I went to pick the carrots

and he cornered me in the garden bushes

and asked, “Jo, what’s up with that man.

Your uncle.”

“He’s not my uncle,

don’t let anyone hear you say that…”

And as I turned to head back out,

Poppy gripped my arm.

A little too tight

but I thought he meant no harm.

And he said,

in my ear,

“Was wondering

if I could kiss you,

there’s no one around here…”

The garden heaps

were a bit private,

but I wasn’t feeling the vibe.

Who’d wanna make-out

near a god dang bee hive?

“No, Poppy, not feeling it today…”

But he didn’t hear.

Or didn’t want to hear

and he snuggled his face in my neck

and tickled my ear.

I squirmed, “Poppy, didn’t you hear?”

And he came closer,

pressing himself against me.

And my feet got tangled in a vine of leaves

and then I tether to the grass bed.

And Poppy was on me,

like his earring was dead.

“Poppy, stop!”

“Just one kiss, Jo-Jo, just one, I swear!”

“I’m not feeling it!”

Not that he cared.

And he hugged me,

cradled me,

pushed me farther into the ground.

I didn’t think this boy was sound…

Goddamn it,

stop it, you fool!

“She said stop,

boy, get off her!”

And Eric had lifted Poppy

off me,

with almost one arm

and shoved the boy

out the garden doors,

“Go home right now,

I’m warning you…”

Poppy looked damn near embarrassed

and he wiped his mouth

and almost tripped over

his brown untied laces,

walking up south.

Eric knelt

and my eyes were wet.

And he hugged me

and fixed my dress.

“it’s okay, Jo-Jo…

a dumb boy; that’s what he is…”

Like he wasn’t a dumb man

who’d done something quite close to this…

Touching, feeling…

all that stuff…

And what was the difference?

One was gentle and one was rough.

23 paper plates

Eric took me inside,

and I was almost crying.

Almost.

The sun was dang hot outside,

and my eyes were tired of summer.

And tired of this damn harvest day.

He put me to sit

then went to get me some water.

Mamaw came at the door,

scrunched her brows

and asked, “Everything good lil girl?”

And I nodded,

“Just tired, is all…”

“When you better,

get me those paper plates…”

And then she was gone.

Then Sandy came through the door,

looked left and right,

then came closer

when she saw no one in sight.

She sat next to me

and rubbed my shoulder.

“I saw Poppy went around the pig’s pen?”

I shook my head

and told her, “He’s so stupid,

I never wanna see him again…”

Eric came back

and gave me a glass of cool water

and I sipped it down.

And now I couldn’t wait

to get out of this stupid town…

Sandy left

and Eric took her spot.

‘Don’t worry about them boys…

they don’t know what ‘no’ means…”

Oh.

And I didn’t know the difference between a boy and a man.

24 river tops

Couldn’t wait to go in the real town.

To ride blue waves instead of river tops.

To walk the beach instead of glossy rocks.

But I’ll miss the tavern,

and the crops,

and the redhead chickens.

That reminded me of me,

but whatever happens

I won’t forget the valley.

It was game night.

Some men from town were in.

Big men.

So had to put on something proper.

For the first time, Papaw handed me

an opened beer.

And I stared at him like, what?

He smiled. “You’re at the age now, idiot.”

Mamaw slapped his arm,

and his friends laughed, “Don’t call her an idiot,

she’s much too smart for that…”

Yeah, yeah, yeah…

Music was blaring, and I’d almost lost earring.

And Eric kept looking at me in my white summer dress.

And then Mamaw said, “Poppy is out front.”

So, I went to see Poppy.

Though I was disappointed

by what he’d done…

Couldn’t hate the lad.

He did look kind of sad

and he said, “Jo, sorry about the other day in the garden.

I’d…” And he rubbed his neck, hung his head,

“I’d drunk some beer

and I wasn’t in my right mind…”

I could tell. The Poppy I knew

had always wished me well…

“I know, idiot…” I muttered,

swung my hand

and slapped him on a skinny arm.

He groaned

and clutched the spot, “ow…Jo, Jesus…”

And I laughed

and crossed my arms.

“Hug for truce?”

He sighed and stepped up,

wrapping his arms around me.

And something must be wrong…

for me to think that being touched

by someone who’d hurt me,

was something okay.

But what could I say?

25 climbin’ trees

So, when the night was over

and I went to go to bed,

Eric was waiting by the door

to my bedroom.

The way the wife

comes to see the groom.

My now very boyish room,

where I collected smooth rocks,

and rock-bands,

and things I found buried

on river lands.

Hardly any more

girly stuff.

The shiny things,

that came with pristine puberty?

The ones that made a gal

pure and pretty?

Dunno’ where they went.

Oh, they’re locked in a box of

bitter heartbreaks.

Let’s not go there,

for Christ’s sake.

“You’ Tv still need fixing?”

Eric asked.

He knew

’cause he heard me

saying it to Papaw earlier.

“Yes.” I nodded,

and he said

“Let me have a

look?”

And you sure it was the Tv,

you wanted to have a

look at Eric?

Are you still

that sick?

“I’ll get it working

again.”

Whatever.

He wasn’t the man

he made out to be.

He wasn’t a saviour.

The boys in the valley,

down by the bay,

the ones who’d play ball with me

And eat mangoes all day.

That’d climb the tree,

and splashed water at me.

They were better.

I saw it now; I could see.

And it must have been Eric,

why I wore boy-shorts now.

Must be Eric, why I’d

act like one of the boys in town.

After two slaps,

a bit of shake,

the Tv bubbles like a boiling tea,

rolls its eyes

and then its on.

Some documentary

about Marilyn Monroe

blared through my room.

She was pretty,

she was young at heart,

and she was the epitome

of femininity.

Something I had.

Something I could have…

And it didn’t matter

how Eric looked at me.

How different

his kiss was.

He’d hurt me,

and I wouldn’t feel good

if I

didn’t hurt him back.

A young woman

shouldn’t be blinded by revenge.

I knew…

I knew…

But it was either I hurt Eric,

or he hurt me.

I had to keep my power;

this, he and me,

were bound to end sour.

I could feel it coming.

Unlike the naive Joelene back then,

I knew my role in Eric’s life.

He liked my ‘pretty,’

my youth,

my free-spirit.

“It’s good now, yeah…”

He muttered

and I rubbed my hands

along my ball shorts.

Eric sighed

and shot me his signature smile,

the one he used on them young gals

in his prime.

“Jo-Jo, I meant what I said the other night,

I came here, back to the valley for you.

You know, right?

No matter where I go

or what I do…

I can never forget about you…”

And he went on,

like a moving train,

hooting his ear-soothing horns…

“…when I’m…”

And he shifted from one boot to the next,

like they’re ants in his pants,

“When I’m with other women…

all I can think of is you?”

And he came closer

and pressed his lips on mine…

26 black and white movie, thin cotton

And the door was somehow locked.

And we were kissing on my bed.

Oh, to be a fly on the wall.

Eric didn’t know

what was coming at all.

And he leaned over me,

kissed me gently.

Our lips folded

and fitted perfectly.

With this amount of passion,

we could film a movie…

But one in foggy

black and white.

I’d be the star,

and Eric the antagonist.

Because really,

there was nothing just about this.

And then

he’s kissing me harder,

and everything

is going faster.

Thin cotton sliding

down my legs

and along slim

freckled thighs.

This is the high

of all highs.

Laura smoked once,

said it was like soaring through

the Milky Way.

If I closed my eyes,

this might be okay…

But I had a plan for Eric.

I had to suck him right in…

He fiddled with his belt,

the buckle jingled above Marilyn’s laughter.

And this was dag gone funny.

Couldn’t the man just hurry?!

He’d really grown…so had I.

My poor heart just could not take him inside.

and he was moving…

Quite fast then slow…

That’s all I can say…but if you know, you know…

27 young ears

So, we lay tangled in my sheets.

And I was just a bit happy.

And Eric seemed relaxed,

cause my nurtures were in bed…

Just us…

And the grumbling tv.

And the night time breeze.

And the way he turned his face to the side,

stared at me and said…

“Think I’m in love with you,

Joelene…”

Good. Just good.

You should…

But those words were too old

for a young ears to hear.

so, I changed the topic,

I told Eric about the craziest thing I’d done

the last years,

since he left.

And he listened this time,

added a word or two,

a little laugh and a snort,

and he didn’t fall asleep.

But that was a difference too late…

I now wasn’t for him to keep…

28 letter mail

Because, I’d gotten my letter in the mail.

And our teacher said

she’d gotten us into a school like Yale.

But it wasn’t Yale,

but it was in the city.

And that was all

that mattered…

I could soar

those big waves, now.

No more smelly manure

and the scent of cows…

And Eric heard the morning

of August 19th,

whilst the day

was just peeking up

like a half-asleep man,

one eye open, one half-shut.

And the day before

we’d been giggling

and fooling around

and he’d been tickling me

underneath the table

while my nurturers couldn’t guess a thing.

He’d said Pamma had sent a letter,

telling him just to stay,

and that she was no longer interested;

the damn man seemed okay.

But he wasn’t okay, that morning,

when he’d heard the news.

And he looked a bit bothered,

and his head jerked back.

“Joelene is leaving to where?”

And his voice was heavy,

and I think he truly was in love…

But what I loved, secretly,

was the dejavu.

“Yes. You happy for her, yes?

She’s a big woman now,

won’t have to be under our roofs anymore…” Mamaw said,

not knowing she was twisting the knife

in the damn man’s gut.

And Eric’s eyes were now shut,

and he said… “How long…?”

“However long it takes her

to get those studies done.

She wants to be a Farmer.

She’s gonna get a certificate for it.

We’re gonna see her on Tv…” Papaw added

as he treaded the escellions, and Eric sighed.

Mamaw looked up from the dinning table,

wide-eyed. “What’s up with you?”

“Eric’s gonna miss me…” I grinned,

“The same way I missed him…”

And Jesus, was I the spawn of Satan?

Eric looked behind at me,

and my smile darn faded.

‘Cause why he had to look

like a puppy with those drop eyebrows

and ajar lips

and that hang-dog look in his eyes?

And this might have not

been too funny anymore…

But I had looked the same.

Some time ago…

So…

Papaw laughed. “Don’t worry,

Jo-Jo will come back to visit,

I promise you that.

If you’re here, Eric.

You gonna stay here?

I could make a little shed for you round the back?”

Eric nodded,

in a way that made his head seemed heavy.

Like it could fall down forward

and take his whole body with it.

Payback is bittersweet,

cerasee and sugar.

Eric the cerasee,

me the sugar.

“I’ll stay.

How long before she leaves,

and how long before she comes back?”

Eric asked

and put his fists on his waists.

“She’s leaving next week Friday.

She’ll come back for the summer.”

Think I heard Eric said,

‘Jesus Christ.’

And I felt a little bit sad,

but happy, too.

Because Eric now couldn’t live without me,

that much was true.

29 farewell, my dear.

So I packed up on August 28th,

to catch the bus

and we’d pick up Sandy in the market.

We’d be going to town with a few other kids,

and we would be staying on the school’s campus.

Laura was staying in the valley,

because she couldn’t leave the old man…

I think in due time, she’d understand.

Poppy would stay too,

he’d already took over his Papaw’s farm.

Eric stood in the kitchen

as I wobbled out with my luggage.

My upbringers hugged me and patted me,

and Mamaw rubbed some oil on my head,

messing up my make-up

but it was okay as she prayed and hugged me

and asked God to keep me.

I did my hair up nicely,

caught it at the back of my head

and I wore that new dress

I had in my closet for too long.

Looked a bit lanky in it,

but I was damn pretty in the face.

And please,

I couldn’t look at Eric’s face.

He looked as though

he wanted to cry.

“So, you’re really leaving, eh?”

And Mamaw cocked her head,

“Eric.

How are you so attached to Joelene?”

I heard her say.

Papaw sighed,

“She’s like family to him.”

Nope, but okay…

And let’s talk about

how the tables turn.

It was now Eric’s turn.

But at least

he didn’t find out on the morning,

but a week away.

My payback didn’t hurt

half as bad as his crime.

He’ll get over it,

he just needed time.

But I wasn’t sure he would,

because his eyes were watery.

My God…

I was just a tiny bit sorry.

I said, “I’ll come visit…

don’t worry.”

And while Mamaw

made due

with packing me some yams and food,

Papaw helping her,

I whispered to Eric,

“Did you mean it,

do you love me…now?”

Because he didn’t fully love me at first…

“How can you ask that…” He muttered,

mouth barely moving,

feet barely standing,

“How?”

“I’ll come back in the summer.

You’ll be here?”

He nodded.

And did I just see a tear?

But I had my life to live.

Places to see.

Things to feel…

He’d felt it all before,

hadn’t he?

And as I hugged my parents again,

Eric couldn’t help himself.

And he bridged and sacrificed the secret,

to wrap his arm around me quite lovingly.

I saw Mamaw look at Papaw…

“Alright…hurry on…”

Mamaw said

and they followed me out the door.

I gave Eric another glance,

and though hurt,

he gave me his signature wink.

It said he’d wait.

But Mamaw had gotten a letter

in the break of the morning

and while I quickly hurried

to the bus waiting by the gate,

I heard her say…

“Oh, It’s Pamma,

thank God she’s okay…”

Papaw hissed, “Couldn’t you wait until Jo got on the bus,

my God, you had all day.”

But Mamaw really liked Pamma

and she read the note allowed,

and this was

what it said,

“I liked your daughter,

she was a cute teen.

But did you know Eric

had been fooling with Joelene?”

Oh, shit.

Oh, no.

That damn gal was mean…