Chapter 41

On any given day I look forward to visiting mum. I look forward to seeing her smile, feeling her loving warmth and being able to chat with her about anything. Knowing she is safe and well is an added bonus.

But not today. Today I pull into mum’s driveway with a sense of apprehension and rising anxiety. Georgie would’ve been great moral support, but I declined her kind offer to assist. Cleaning out my dad’s possessions will be upsetting and difficult, so I’d rather work through it myself, without any distractions. She understood.

Several moments beat by as I sat staring at the front door, working up the courage to go in. Deep down, I know I’m not ready for this, but if it means mum doesn’t have to put herself through it, then I need to step up. Time to put my game face on—for mum.

After a deep breath I made my way to the front door. ‘Just me, Mum,’ I yelled down the hallway upon entering.

‘Back here…’ mum replied.

Mum was in the kitchen making a coffee when I entered. ‘Hi Mum… How ya doin’…?’ I said doing my best to sound upbeat.

‘Hi darling… Have you eaten? Would you like me to make you something for lunch?’

‘No, I’m good thanks… I had a couple of ham and cheese toasties before I came around.’

‘Would you like a coffee…? I’m having one.’

Maybe a strong hit of caffeine will be what I need. Certainly can’t hurt. ‘I would, actually. I’ll get it, though. You have a seat and enjoy yours, while it’s hot.’

Whether by design or by chance, taking the time to sit and chat with mum over a coffee helped calm me down. Problem was, it only delayed the unenviable task ahead.

‘I appreciate you doing this for me, Kade. I really do,’ mum said, holding her mug with both hands. ‘I know it will be hard for you, too… But I can’t do it. I’ve tried a couple of times, but it is too upsetting.’

The pain in mum’s face when she talks about dad’s things is upsetting to see. It must be hard enough coping every day with losing her life partner, but to now have to pack up all the things he owned, all the things he wore, the things that were his personality, brings the hurt of losing him flooding back.

It is an unpleasant reminder to the finality that dad is no longer here and he ain’t coming back.

‘That’s OK, Mum. I’ll have a crack at it. We’ll get it done.’

‘Thank you so much. Promise me though, you’ll stop if it becomes too overwhelming for you.’

‘Promise.’

---

Knowing what awaits me at the top made the trudge upstairs all the more tedious. My legs were so heavy, each tread felt like I was carrying an extra twenty-five kilos.

Mum led the way to her walk-in-wardrobe. She slid open the cavity door, flicked on the light then disappeared into the over-sized wardrobe.

The task at hand was so intimidating, I stood at the doorway looking in, as though waiting for permission to enter.

Having never had cause to venture into my parents’ walk in robe before, this was foreign to me. The wardrobe was huge, about the size of a large bedroom. Eight down-lights lit up the room like day.

A two-metre long, rectangular ottoman, dissected the middle of the room. Timber cabinetry consisting of open boxed shelving over chests of drawers and double hanging space lined each side of the room, as a mirror-image of the other side.

Across the end, a chair sat at a dressing table in front of an over-sized mirror.

On either side of the dresser were rows of shoes, stored in separate compartments, like vintage wines in a rack, stretching up from the floor to the wardrobe’s top shelf.

‘This is your dad’s side…’ mum said, indicating the left side of the room. ‘This is my side…’

‘How do you want me to do this?’ I asked, as my eyes scanned over the neatly folded jumpers and windcheaters in the open shelving and the rows of business shirts, jackets and suits.

‘I would like it all to go, darling…’ mum said. ‘Unless there is anything you want to keep for yourself.’

‘No…’ I firmly shook my head. ‘No. Dad was taller and thicker built than me, anyway…’

Mum placed a hand on my shoulder. ‘Thank you for doing this, darling. I’ll get some large garbage bags for you,’ she said then left the room.

While waiting for mum I started with dad’s jumpers and windcheaters, piling them up on the ottoman. At first, I moved without thinking too much about what I was doing.

Before long, reality set in. This is everything that was my dad. This is everything he wore. This was his personality. As weird as it sounds, I can actually smell my dad on his clothes.

With every piece of dad’s clothing I removed, I felt a piece of my heart going with it. My eyes started misting. By the time I started on his t-shirt drawer, a tear trickled every time I blinked.

Next out of the drawer was dad’s favourite navy blue Nike t-shirt. He wore the shit out it and it’s still in pretty good condition. So many memories of dad in this shirt flooded back, like home movies in my mind. This was my breaking point. Tears flowed freely as I regarded dad’s fave t-shirt in my hand.

When mum returned with the plastic garbage bin liners, she noticed my waterworks. She placed a comforting hand on my cheek and wiped a tear. ‘I know this is hard for you, darling. I’m sorry you have to do this… But I do appreciate you helping.’

‘I’m OK…’ I said trying to cover up my inner hurt. ‘It’s just that… some items are harder than others to pack away,’ I said. I held up the Nike t-shirt.

‘Your dad loved that t-shirt, didn’t he?’ She asked rhetorically.

I nodded in response, mainly to hide my pain.

‘When you can…’ mum placed a hand on my cheek. ‘Place everything in the plastic garbage bags and we’ll take them to the Salvos.’

Again I responded with a silent nod.

‘I’m sorry. But I can’t stay here while you do this,’ mum said. She disappeared out of the bedroom.

With a deep breath for strength, I buried the t-shirt inside the large black garbage bin liner. The rest of dad’s clothes followed shortly after.

Chapter 42

By the time I finished, the skeleton of empty cabinetry is all that remained on dad’s side of the wardrobe. The eight bulging, extra-large black plastic garbage bags sitting on the floor waiting for transport were the last of the physical reminders of dad. Once they go, all I will have left are the photographs and my memories, both of which I worry will fade with time.

I wasn’t sure I could get through it. Sure, I had my moments, but I did it. My job was done. I yelled down the stairs to let mum know I have finished. When I returned to the wardrobe, a little relieved at the achievement and ready to lug the heavy bags downstairs, a lone cardboard box sitting down the back end of the top shelf, caught my eye. The words “Text Books” were scribbled across it in black permanent marker.

‘Not sure how I missed that,’ I grumbled to myself. The two-metre high shelf was a bit of a stretch. Unbeknown to me, the box was not sealed. When I slid it down from the shelf, a ten by eight inch photograph frame sitting loosely on top, slid off. The corner of the frame dug into my cheek on its way to the floor.

I cursed out loud from the stabbing pain. After dumping the heavy box on the ottoman, I checked my cheek in the mirror. A small trickle of blood was making its way down my cheek.

Mum returned as I was dabbing the wound with a tissue from her dressing table. ‘What happened…?’ She asked. ‘I heard you swear. Is something wrong?’

Mum’s eyes fell to the picture frame on the floor. The cracked glass and fractured corners ejected the photograph it earlier displayed. ‘That,’ I said lifting my chin to the photo frame. ‘Slid off and hit me on the cheek when I brought down that box.’ I lifted the ejected colour photo.

Mum waved her hands at me. ‘Don’t worry about that Kade… I’ll clean all that up…’ Mum bit down on her lip.

’Why would dad store this photo of the Angelina in here…? From what I understood he loved that boat.’

‘Probably put it there after he sold it,’ mum offered. ‘Here… I’ll take that.’ She held out a hand. ‘You can start loading these bags into your Ute.’

Remaining on the floor among the broken frame was a smaller photo that was earlier concealed behind the large photo. I lifted the seven by five inch photograph depicting three people—two males and a female—posing for a photo at the bow of a large boat at sea.

The faded, old-school style photograph, with a white border, suggests it was taken some time ago. ‘That’s dad, but who are these other two people?’ I said. I held the photo out to mum.

She held out her hand. ‘Can I have that please,’ she said firmly. I flipped the photo over. ‘Kade… Don’t!’ mum pleaded. ‘Give it to me, please.’ She took a step closer and extended her hand. ‘Please…’

My eyes flared at the handwritten inscription on the back. “Mandy & Graham Great Keppel Island Ferry 1988”

‘1988…’ I said. Mum’s deer-in-the-headlight expression stared back at me. ‘You lived on the Gold Coast in 1988…’ I said. ‘So… This Mandy and Graham…’ I lifted the photo up to mum. ‘Are they—’

‘Mandy and Graham Evans,’ mum nodded. Her conceding head bowed. ‘That was taken on board the ferry on a day trip to Keppel.’

‘I don’t really care about the ferry, or where it was taken….’ I snapped. ’Mandy and Graham… Mum… What the hell is going on…?’ A constricting knot formed in my stomach when mum couldn’t look me in the eyes. ’Mum… What’s going on…? You said you didn’t know them… You told Dawes you didn’t know them… You told me you didn’t know them.’ I glared at mum. The throbbing in my check injury paled against the throbbing in my temples.

Mum cupped her face in her hands. Her watery eyes stared back at me when she lowered her hands. ‘It’s a long story, Kade. I—’

’1988… that’s thirty-one years ago…’ I said firmly. ‘This photo was taken thirty-one years ago. So, Graham Evans was about… fifty-nine when he died… So in this 1988 photo he would be about… twenty-eight. About my age. Right?’ I pointed the Graham Evans in the photo. ‘It looks like I’m looking at myself in that photo, mum. Only it’s not me, is it…?’ My question was obviously rhetorical.

Mum slowly shook her head in response. ‘There’s a reason for that, darling,’ she said as she reached for my hand. I pulled my hand away and stepped back. ‘Look…’ she continued. ’All the photos from that part of our life were destroyed… for a reason…’ she said.

’Clearly not all.’ I held up the seven by five.

‘I’m angry your father kept that photo, but I’m starting to think he kept that one in case he decided to, one day, tell you the truth…’

‘The truth…?’ I asked knowingly. My legs turned to jelly. I found myself sitting on the ottoman. ‘You mean… The truth that Mandy and Graham Evans are really my parents… You mean, the truth that you lied to me… to everyone. You mean the truth that my entire life is a lie…’

‘It’s not what you think, Kade. You have to believe me.’

‘Are Mandy and Graham Evans my parents…?’ I glared at mum waiting for her answer.

‘It’s not wh—’

‘Are-Mandy-and-Graham-Evans-my-parents?’ I repeated through gritted teeth.

’Yes. They are your biological parents, but I—’ mum stopped when I jumped up from my seat and brushed past her. ‘Kade… wait. Please,’ she said to my back as I disappeared out the door.

‘I don’t know you… And I don’t want to be here right now.’

Mum, or is it Vicky, followed me downstairs and out to the drive, pleading with me to stay, so she could explain everything.

Fact is, I wasn’t interested; not right now. All I could think about is, I am Jayden Evans and the people I called my parents must’ve kidnapped me, just as Dawes has maintained all along. The pain in my chest was probably my heart ripping in two. I found myself panting for air.

All the hatred I have for Dawes for what he did to my family, for what he said about my family, was unjust and unfair. How can I look Dawes in the face after months of questioning his sanity and investigative methods?

When I arrived at the driver’s door of my Ute, my hands were shaking so much I dropped my car keys. This inadvertently gave mum the opportunity to catch up. She grabbed my forearm. ‘Kade…’ she said with tears welling. ‘Please don’t go like this… Please come back inside and let me explain. It’s not what you think…’ Her teary eyes pleaded with me.

My focus fell to her hand on my forearm. Even through all the disappointment, all the hurt and anger, her touch was still caring. Her sad eyes melted me. I couldn’t leave. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. ‘I’m not sure there is much more that can be said…’ I said firmly.

‘There is a hell of a lot more, Kade. Believe me. Please just come inside so I can explain. If you still want to leave after that…well, I won’t try and stop you. Please.’

I wiped a tear from her cheek. ‘You have no idea what this news has done to me…’ I said. ‘I’m shattered… angry and shattered.’

‘That’s understandable… But I think I do know how it has affected you, Kade. I’ve been fearing this day for a long time… preparing for it… but fearing it. I always knew that one day we would probably have to tell you what really happened, even though I hoped I wouldn’t have to.’

‘What’s there to tell…? You and dad kidnapped me, just as Dawes said.’

‘This is what I’m trying to tell you. That’s not what happened…’

’How else do you explain it? I am their son, yet you raised me…’

‘You were an unwanted pregnancy, OK…’ mum snapped. Her expression was as if the words cut as they left her mouth. ‘Mandy and Graham were in on it, Kade… Look… Come inside and let me explain.’

‘In on it. In on what…? My kidnapping?’

‘Just come inside,’ mum said, gesturing to the front door. ‘Please.’ Mum examined my reaction like she was trying to get a read on my mood.

I gave in and returned inside.

Chapter 43

’Can I get you a coffee… or maybe a bourbon…? mum asked as I slid onto her two-seater couch.

I certainly didn’t come back inside for a social visit. In fact, my knuckles were white from tightly crossing my arms. ‘No, thank you.’ My response was intentionally direct.

Mum slid into the seat beside me. She silently regarded me for several seconds. She held out her hand, waiting for me to offer up my hand. My arms stayed crossed, so mum placed her hand of my knee. I couldn’t look at her as she began to explain.

‘I owe you an explanation…’ she said. ‘But you have to understand, it is not how it seems. You were never kidnapped. Your father and I essentially adopted you.’

I snapped my frowning glare at mum. ‘You’re kidding me, aren’t you…? You sparked one of the largest searches in the country’s history and you’re going to sit there and tell me everything is alright because, “you adopted me”. Please, Mum… Don’t treat me like a fool.’

‘I’m not treating you like a fool, Kade. I’m just trying to—’ Mum took a deep breath then exhaled heavily. ‘OK… Maybe I should start at the beginning.’

‘That would help.’

‘OK. Your father and I met Mandy and Graham around the mid-eighties. We were on a day trip to Great Keppel Island. We—’

‘Probably not that far back…’

‘Met them on the ferry on the way over and hit it off. It will help if you understand everything,’ Mum clarified. ‘We spent the day with them on Keppel and from there, kept in touch ever since, becoming close friends.’

I suppressed a yawn, so as not to offend mum’s epic tale. mum continued.

’Mandy was… is a lawyer and Graham was a physiotherapist. Mandy was a career woman. She was driven. She had aspirations of becoming the first female Judge on the Queensland court circuit. Neither had time in their busy lives to start a family and neither wanted any children. I suppose you could say they were a little selfish about kids.

‘On the other hand… your father and I desperately wanted to start a family. Unfortunately I was diagnosed with severe endometritis in the mid-eighties…’ Mum’s eyes fell heavily to the floor. She paused as if revisiting something in her mind.

’It’s a horrible women’s complaint… and mine was particularly debilitating. Anyway, because of the endo we were told it was unlikely we would ever be able to have our own children. We tried everything… I won’t bore you with the specifics… but we tried everything possible to have our own children… all without any success.

‘My Gynaecologist told us to prepare for life as a childless couple. That news devastated your father and me. In the end, your father and I simply gave up…’

‘Gave up?’

‘Stopped trying… to have our own children. Eventually and on persistent advice of my specialist, due to the severe recurring pain and other women’s problems, I had a hysterectomy. Medical advancements are considerably different now, but back in the eighties, a hysterectomy was thought to be the only way to eradicate the insipid disease.’

‘I never knew that…’

‘How could you?’ mum said. ’But as you know, once I had that procedure, it sealed our fate for ever becoming natural birth parents.’

‘Now I understand why you were so stressed about Dawes accessing your medical records through his warrant…’

Mum rolled her eyes. She exhaled as she fell back into her chair. ‘If he’d got those records…’ She slowly shook her head. Her words tapered off as her eyes fell heavily to the floor. The rest of her sentence didn’t require articulating.

’What about adoption…? I mean lawful adoption… Did you look into that?’

‘We did, but the government bureaucrats told us the waiting list for Blue Riband babies was long and by the time we reached the front of the extensive list, your father would be too old to qualify.’

‘Blue Riband babies…? That is an interesting way to refer to a baby.’

Mum nodded. She shrugged. ’That’s what they called healthy babies… Ones without disabilities. Look…’ she said as she adjusted herself in her chair, turning towards me. ‘We were offered a special needs baby without having to wait, but we decided that wasn’t for us. We were also offered a child from overseas without waiting, most probably a baby from Africa or Asia, but again, we decided that wasn’t for us.’

Mum’s emotions were very raw, appearing to relive everything as she recalled it to me. It wasn’t until mum was well into her detailed story that I realized I had unfolded my arms at some stage.

‘It must’ve been an emotional time for you and dad… I get that… I understand it would’ve been tough on you, but how does all that justify what you did…? You kidnapped a three year old child which ultimately cost the taxpayers millions of dollars, searching for me…’

‘Maybe you’ll understand more if I continue…’

‘I don’t think I will ever understand, or accept any justification you have for all the deceit and for breaking the law in the way you have done.’ I extended a hand. ‘But, please… continue.’

Mum’s face tightened and her nose twitched. Was it anger because I was not on board? Was it embarrassment because I wasn’t accepting, or agreeing to her illegal actions? It was too difficult to tell.

‘A few years later… I think it was about June 1990, Mandy announced she was pregnant… Pregnant with you,’ she clarified. ‘Mandy was devastated. All she kept moaning about was, “there goes my career”. Can you understand how that made us feel…?’ She asked rhetorically. ‘Here we were, unable to have a family of our own. Mandy didn’t want children, yet she was about to have her own baby.’

Mum’s eyes fell as she slowly shook her head. Even after all these years the pain from one of life’s cruel ironies is still in there. ‘I can’t believe I’m asking this… But why didn’t she have an abortion, if she strongly didn’t want the kid?’

‘It was Mandy who came up with the suggestion that we…’ Mum held up quotation fingers. ‘Adopt you… She had this idea that after you were born we make it look as though you were ours… You know, with cleverly posed photos and the like. It was scary how calculating her mind was, actually. She had it all worked out by the time she presented us with the suggestion. Then when the time was right, she reported you missing, presumably kidnapped.’

‘And you agreed…’ mum didn’t need to respond. She simply held my glare. ‘Why didn’t you simply adopt me, lawfully?’

’Mandy looked into the laws of the time in Queensland. In the event of an unwanted birth… that’s what you would’ve been in the eyes of the law. You would have been taken away and placed into the system for adoption by the next people on the waiting list.

‘So Mandy came up with this idea that your father and I move interstate and take you with us. The consequences were… our friendship with Mandy and Graham would effectively end, but we would have you. She thought of a number of options, but the one we went with was the kidnapping.’

‘I’m sorry… But I can’t believe what I’m hearing. You concocted a kidnapping so you could illegally adopt me. I probably sound ungrateful right now, but what you did was wrong on so many levels.’

‘I’m fully aware of that Kade.’ For the first time mum’s tone firmed. ’We all were. How do you think I felt when you told me Dawes recognised you as Jayden Evans? I thought my world was about to end. I’d already lost your father… Now we were on the precipice of being exposed.

‘When you were in Queensland I called Mandy to tell her you were in town—’

‘Wait… You called Mandy? So you keep in touch…?’

Chapter 44

Mum pushed herself up from her seat and moved towards the kitchen. ‘After you told me about Dawes,’ she said back over her shoulder. ‘I called Mandy to tell her what happened. She reassured me there is no evidence to prove Dawes’ theory and it would all go away.’

‘How wrong she was. She clearly underestimated Dawes.’

‘Clearly.’ Mum opened a drawer in the kitchen and removed a mobile phone. ‘Mandy and I have one of these pre-paid phones each. I think your generation calls them burner phones. Whenever we want to contact each other we use these. Contact is only kept to an absolute minimum. Like an emergency. We use these so there is no record or connection to our two families. It was Mandy’s idea.’

‘She thought of everything.’

‘You have no idea.’

‘Wait… So when I visited Mandy in Queensland… She already knew I was in Queensland…?’

Mum nodded. ‘I called her to tell her you were there and she called me back after your visit…’

I shook a disappointed head. ‘She is a convincing actor. OK then. What about the birth mark she mentioned her son had…?’

Mum’s smile was as if I missed an obvious punchline. ‘She said that to throw you off. There was never a birthmark.’

‘It worked…’ I said with my ego taking a hit.

‘You believed what you wanted to believe, Kade. Listen to this…’ Mum said resuming her seat. ‘We moved to Karratha before you were born.’

‘Was that part of the grand plan?’

‘It was. We chose a job for your father in a remote mining town because, one…’ Mum pushed back a finger. ‘The population is small and most families keep to themselves.’ She pushed back another finger. ‘And two… Once the kidnapping made the news, no one in Karratha would recognize you. Most didn’t even have televisions out there because of the poor reception.’

‘Thought of everything, didn’t you…?’

‘Not me… Mandy,’ mum clarified. ‘Anyway, after you were born, we took photos … You know the ones. The typical proud new parent photos. Dad holding you. Me holding you. I even put on one of Mandy’s nightgowns and climbed into her bed to pose for a photo of me holding you…’

‘Amazing…’

‘We took photos of you in your developing years all to perpetrate the charade, should anyone question your birth, never believing anyone would.’ She gave me her ‘fuck Dawes’ expression.

‘Tell me… That photo I saw in the album… The one with the familiar mantle over the fireplace… I thought it looked like the one I saw at Mandy’s…’

Mum nodded. ‘It was Mandy’s.’ I shook a disappointed head. ’I never realized that was there. Anyway… after we moved we made a point to destroy any connection between our two families… photographs, anything at all connecting us, ceased to exist.

‘Not everything… Not that seven by five in dad’s photo frame.’

’We wouldn’t be discussing this right now if it had been destroyed…

’Clearly… I’m not sure that is bad thing, though, from my perspective. I’m starting to understand my life was a complete lie and that is something I should be aware of…’

Mum ignored my unfavourable comments. ‘After we moved, you spent your first two, or so years flying back and forward to Karratha. In fact, you probably spent more time in Karratha with us, than back with them on the Coast.’

‘Was that so I would get to know you as my parents?’

‘That… and we wanted to wait, to make sure Mandy didn’t change her mind and decide she wanted to keep you. Plus… you understand, we lived in a remote pop-up mining town, so the few people who lived there needed to see you as our son…’

‘Did you have the fake baby bump and everything?’

‘Sure did. We spread the word around the small community that we were having the birth back in Queensland, to cover you suddenly appearing.’

‘So how do you explain the birth certificate…?’

Mum nodded once as she sat back in her chair. ‘That was a lot easier than you might think…’

‘So… You bribed someone at the birth registry…?’

Mum’s expression broke out into a devious grin as she slowly shook her head. She seemed to be enjoying this. ’Because the mining towns are so far from civilization, they are required to provide a qualified senior nurse in the town.

‘Our Nurse was Marilyn. She wore many hats, which included midwifery…’

‘I see where this is heading…’

’Not sure you do, but I’ll continue. We became very good friends with Marilyn. Over time I discussed quite openly with her, all my problems conceiving and how badly I wanted a child. She was genuinely sympathetic. I discussed my frustrations at how my friend was pregnant and she didn’t want the child and the Australian government won’t let us legally adopt it.

’You can imagine my amazement when Marilyn suggested, “then, illegally adopt it”. When I asked her to explain what she meant by that, she explained how, as a midwife, she uses a Midwives Notification System that records all births. Because we were remote, she said she would be the Responsible Person under the Western Australia law. Usually this is the Doctor who delivers the child, but in the absence of a Doctor, she became the Responsible Person.

She explained how, as the Responsible Person and midwife present at the birth, she was required to give notice of the birth to the registrar.

’When she registered your fake birth, she recorded all the details, as if you were born in Karratha in January 1991. She said registration of outback births by midwives, particularly those in remote Indigenous communities are common, so she was confident it wouldn’t be challenged.

‘I ran it passed Mandy. She made a few discreet inquiries to verify everything, then she gave the go ahead for Marilyn to register the birth.’

’So, 16 January, 1991 is not my actual birthdate… You guys made that up?’

‘Correct. Your actual birthdate, as per your Jayden Evans Queensland birth certificate, is 25 February, 1991.’

‘So my birthdate, the day I celebrated for the last twenty-eight years, is a lie. My name is a lie. Essentially, I don’t exist. Kade Miller is a lie, so my life…is a lie.’

‘You shouldn’t look at it like that… We gave you a life. We wanted you. We loved you. Your birth mother did not.’

‘How does that change anything? You made me up so you could illegally take me as your own child. I can’t accept that, mum. I’m sorry.’

‘I’m sorry too… I’m sorry you feel like that. Marilyn went to lot of trouble to make this work for us. She did a great job registering your birth. No-one knew any different.’

‘Why did Marilyn risk her job and jail for you?’

‘She was in her sixties and on the verge of retiring, so she wasn’t worried about losing her job. Plus, she felt my pain and was sympathetic. She was confident it wouldn’t be detected and she was right. Even the recent court hearings verified the birth record’s authenticity.’

‘How many people were in on this?’

‘At the time… there was just me, your father, Mandy, Graham and Marilyn …’

‘At the time…?’

Mum’s jaw tightened. Her lips straightened. ‘Poor Marilyn was killed in a car accident a few years after your fake birth…She—’

‘Please tell me the accident wasn’t an arranged accident to silence a witness…’

Mum’s mouth fell open. ‘What. Oh God, no… We loved Marilyn.’ She shook a firm head. ‘No. Nothing like that at all. Poor Marilyn and her husband were driving down to Perth on holiday.’ Mum’s eyes fell to the floor as several beats passed by. She rubbed a hand across her forehead. Tears were welling when she lifted her eyes. ‘A truck driver… fell asleep at the wheel, crossed the centre line and…’ Mum’s head rolled sideways. She caught a tear. ‘They never stood a chance.’

‘That is tragic… But I am a believer in Karma. I believe the universe has a way of correcting wrongs. Maybe that was what happened to Marilyn.’

‘We were all involved… Why hasn’t this universe you speak of, done something to us?’

‘How do you know it hasn’t…?’ Mum’s curious eyebrows arched. ‘Well, dad, while being fit and healthy, passed away suddenly. Graham Evans, fit and healthy passed away suddenly. I go to Queensland on holiday, even though I didn’t want to go, and run into Dawes. I could’ve gone to any bar that night… but I chose that one.’

‘I think that is a long bow, Kade… Those things are just coincidences.’

‘Are they? Add Marilyn to that list, then tell me it is coincidence that everyone involved in this fake kidnapping has been, or will be punished in some way, when your lies are discovered.’

‘Yes, but we have covered all bases to ensure our adopting you cannot be discovered.’

‘But you didn’t account for me…’

Chapter 45

Mum’s jaw tightened. Her eyebrows plunged into her face. ‘What do you mean by that?’

‘Up until now, I wasn’t complicit in all this… I had no idea what you have done. Now that I know about what happened… the false kidnapping report, falsifying a government birth certificate, illegal adoption… Unless I do something about it now… I am just as guilty as the rest of you…’

‘What do you mean by, “do something about it”?’

‘What do you think? I can’t be part of what you all have done. I have just learned I am a ghost… I don’t exist…’

‘You’re scaring me, Kade. What are you saying?’

‘I’m saying I don’t know you anymore. You can’t raise me to be law abiding, teach me right from wrong… Then when it suits you, expect me to look the other way. It doesn’t work like that, Mum. I can’t do it. I won’t do it. I can’t just ignore everything you told me and go on like nothing happened. How can I?’

‘Why not…? No-one will ever find out.’

‘I found out…’ I said pounding my chest. ‘I found out. And just because no one else knows about it… How does that make it all right? It just means you’ve successfully hidden it all these years… What about Dawes? How can we sue him for defamation… Defamation, Mum, when he has been correct all along? What’s worse… you were happy to stand by and watch as he is thrown to the wolves, when he has done nothing wrong.’

‘You don’t understand… Suing Dawes adds to the theatre of it all. It supports our position. He has no evidence to prove his beliefs. I spoke to Mandy and she said innocent people would sue, rather than just accept it. It was her idea to sue.’

‘But he hasn’t done anything wrong… You can’t sue someone to hide your criminal activities. How can you not see that as morally corrupt on so many levels.’ I jumped to my feet and removed my phone. ‘I can’t go through with the law suit, Mum.’

‘What are you doing…?’

‘I’m going to call Dawes and tell him everything…’

‘What do you mean everything…?’

‘Everything. The fake kidnapping. The fake birth certificate. The fake Kade Miller. I’m going to tell him he was right all along. I am Jayden Evans.’ I accessed my Google browser.

Mum jumped to her feet and grabbed my hands. ‘Kade… Think about what you are doing. If you tell him that, we will all go to jail. Mandy will be disbarred. Is that what you want?’

‘What I want is to make this right. I can’t sue Dawes. I can’t live with myself knowing you caused me to hate this man when he did nothing wrong. Plus, you knew the risks when you did this, and guess what, you rolled the dice… You took the chance and you lost.’ I dialled the number Google provided for Dawes’ Gold Coast police station.

Mum grabbed my hands to stop me calling. She pleaded with me to hang up. I pulled my hands free and stepped away. If I say nothing and allow this charade to continue, I am no better than mum and Mandy. I will be just as guilty. Could I live with that? Definitely not. I cannot continue as Kade Miller. I am Jayden Evans and it is time I am reborn into who I am…who I was born as.

I am fully aware that by calling Dawes to tell him I am Jayden Evans, I risk mum and Mandy being sent to jail. But that is on them, not me. I know I could not go on living this lie just to prevent them receiving their consequences.

I have my standards, some may say which are too lofty under the circumstances, and maybe they are right. But I’m not prepared to compromise my standards for anyone. Not even my fake mother. Not even her corrupt lawyer friend—my natural birth mother.

When you find out the people you love and respect are criminals, it changes everything. To me, what they did was no different to being told they robbed a bank all those years ago, or worse, they told me they killed someone and hid the crime.

A serious criminal act is a serious criminal act. To differentiate is merely a distinction without a difference and it undermines the seriousness of the offending.

Mum continued to plead with me to hang up. ‘Kade, Please. I’ll go to jail… Please don’t. Don’t you love me? I’m your mother.’

I glared at mum. ‘Don’t you dare put this on me.’ I snapped. ‘You’re not my mother… You are my guardian… You are someone who raised me, that is all.’

‘Does that mean nothing to you? I am someone who wanted you. When your mother didn’t want you, I did. All I did was love you, unconditionally. I gave you a loving home, an education. If I didn’t do what I did, there was no guarantee how you would turn out. I’m not going to apologize for that.’

The phone chirped in my ear. The call answered after three rings. ‘Detective Sergeant Brent Dawes please,’ I told the female who answered the call.

‘Kade. No.’

‘I’ll put you through.’

Mum grabbed my arm holding the phone. ‘Kade. Think about what you’re doing.’

I pulled my arm away and turned my back to mum as the call answered. ‘Senior Detective Mark Gray…’

‘Brent Dawes, please.’

‘Kade. Please. Please.’ Mum broke down. She started sobbing.

‘Who’s calling…?’

‘My name is Kade Miller. I am a witness in an investigation he is working on.’

‘I’m aware who you are. Sergeant Dawes is not available at the moment. Can I take a message?’

‘Sure. Can you ask him to call me back, please? He has my number. Tell him I have some information he is going to want to hear.’

‘Will do…’

I ended the call.

‘Dawes is not there at the moment, but I left a message for him to call—’. When I turned to mum, she was passed out on her back, on the floor.

Her pulse was present, but weak. Her skin was clammy to touch.

This was my Déjà vu. After a quick call to Triple Zero I sat with mum, checking her vitals, waiting for the Paramedics.

Chapter 46

I caught my reflection in the elevator mirror during the ride to 4th floor. My dark raccoon eyes and drawn complexion were evidence of one of the longest nights I have ever endured.

Mum’s words resonated with me all night, like a looping story, over and over in my mind. I tried rationalizing what she has done. I tried to see it from her perspective; remove the “I” from it, if you will. But I keep coming back to my difficultly justifying what she and the Evans’ did.

Instead of sleeping, my mind’s eye reviewed the highlights of my life as Kade Miller. I tried to evaluate my picture-perfect life, only to discover it has been painted all wrong. During my hours of rationalizing, I found it hard not to consider myself a fictitious person; someone created to satisfy a purpose.

Mine was a name given to someone else who was born to another mother and given another name. Hell, even my birth certificate is fake. I keep coming back to the fact I am Jayden Evans, not this fictitious, Kade Miller.

When the elevator freed me, I obtained mum’s room number from the Nurse’s station. As I approached, a Doctor emerged from mum’s room and moved towards me. He was around my age. Dressed in casual clothes, rather than the stereo-typical white coat, he had his stethoscope draped around the back of his neck.

As he approached I lifted a hand to flag him down. ‘Excuse me Doctor. I notice you came from room 406. Are you treating Mrs Vicky Miller…?’

‘Are you a family member…?’

‘I’m her son. She was brought in last night, but I haven’t seen her yet. I was just wondering what happened. Why she collapsed. Was it another heart attack?’

‘No. Her heart is good. All the tests came back positive. All I can establish is, she has passed out… fainted, however I am unsure of the cause at this time.’

‘Could stress cause her to faint?’

‘It could. There are a number of causes to someone fainting. Anxiety, fear, pain, intense emotional stress… all of these reasons can cause the blood pressure to drop, which in turn can cause someone to faint. OK. Do you have any other questions…?’ He said, edging away.

He had me at Intense Emotional Stress. I’m no doctor, but there is your cause, right there, Doc. ‘No, you’ve been helpful. Thank you.’

Mum’s single-bed ward was in semi-darkness when I entered. The pale blue privacy curtain was drawn. Subtle light at the head of her bed bled up the beige wall.

Mum noticed me when I poked my head around the curtain, to check if she is awake. ‘Hi Kade,’ she said in a flat emotionless tone. ‘I wasn’t sure if you would want to see me after yesterday. I feel like you hate me…’

‘Don’t be silly, mum…’ I said as I slid into the bed-side chair. ‘I don’t hate you. I’m incredibly disappointed. I just can’t accept what you did. But I don’t hate you.’

‘I can understand that, I think. Everything must be a shock.’

‘Do ya think…?’ I said with a roll of my eyes. ‘I just found out I don’t exist…I—’

‘Now you’re being silly saying that. Of course you exist.’

‘Do I…? I am really someone else. The person I thought I am is made up. That is what I’m struggling to comprehend. Add to that the lies and deceit…’ I shook my head. ‘It’s very difficult right now, mum.’

‘Have you given it much thought since yesterday? Do you still want to turn us in to Dawes…?’

’It’s not a case of me turning you into the cops… It’s a case of me not being able to live your lies. It’s about me not being able to accept what you did. Do I want to see you get in trouble with the law…? Of course not. Can I ignore everything you did and go on as if nothing happened…? I don’t think I can. Truth is, Mum, I’m conflicted between doing what’s right by my moral compass, or go against everything I am… everything I believe in and turn a blind eye and go on as if nothing happened.’

‘Family first should be your priority, Kade. We took a huge chance to get you in our life. Just remember that.’

That ‘Family First’ comment stung when it hit my ears. ‘I didn’t ask you to illegally adopt me. I didn’t ask you to create a false birth certificate. I didn’t ask you to create one of the largest missing person searches in Australia’s history, just so you could have a child of your own. But you are asking me to condone what you did by staying quiet… You know what mum, I wish you didn’t make me come back inside yesterday. I wish you just let me leave. I wish I didn’t know what you and the Evans’ did. But I did and I can’t unhear that… I just can’t stay quiet.’

Mum closed her eyes and turned her head away from me. It was the hospital bed equivalent of turning her back on me. It hurt. I understand her reaction, but the coldness of it still hurt.

‘I should probably go…’ I pushed myself up from my chair while regarding the back of Mum’s head. When she didn’t turn back to face me, I made my way to the door.

Before I reached the foot of Mum’s bed, my phone’s ring tone broke the silence. I usually don’t answer calls displaying No Caller ID. This time I did.

‘Hello …’

‘Is this Kade Miller?’

‘Who’s calling?’

‘Kade. My name is Detective Senior Sergeant Steve Maxstead. You left a message yesterday for Detective Sergeant Dawes to call you back…’

‘That’s right… Is Sergeant Dawes available…?’ Mum’s head snapped her focus around, glaring at me. ‘I have some news I know he will want to hear.’ Mum slowly shook a disappointed head. Her head lolled to the side, away from me.

‘Well, that’s why I’m calling, actually. Sergeant Dawes is taking some time off, so I will be taking over his cases.’

‘I see. Is he unwell…?’

‘No. No. No. He is just taking a break.’

‘OK. Then you may be interested in what I have to say…’

‘Look. I am interested. But before you do, I want to say that as I have taken over his cases, I have reviewed the case file relating to the investigation of the missing toddler, Jayden Evans. This includes the latest information that has involved you and your family…’

‘OK…’

‘And it is my opinion that there is absolutely no evidence, in any form, that implicates your parents in the disappearance of Jayden Evans, or evidence to suggest you are Jayden Evans. In fact, what Sergeant Dawes has gathered provides evidence to the contrary.’

‘I see…’ This was difficult to listen to because I am Jayden Evans. Dawes was actually right and he needs to know that.

’So, your call yesterday was quite timely because I wanted to call you anyway and inform you that, based on my review of the case, I am closing the investigation into the disappearance of Jayden Evans.

‘In fact, it should never have been re-opened, based on what has been added to the file. And on behalf of Queensland Police, I want to sincerely apologize for any harm or embarrassment Sergeant Dawes brought to you and your family. He should never have made those comments, which were not endorsed by Queensland Police.’

‘It sounds to me like Sergeant Dawes is on forced leave?’

‘Look, I want to be transparent with you because of what is at stake here. I want to inform you that I have closed the case in the hope that you would abandon your law suit against Queensland Police.’

‘I sort of got that vibe… But you didn’t answer my question about Sergeant Dawes…?’

’The law suit you have brought against Queensland Police is the 2nd one from this investigation, caused by inappropriate comments Sergeant Dawes made about people he accused as being the perpetrators… It became evident Sergeant Dawes has become too emotionally invested in his investigation, so he needed to step away for a while… So to answer your question…He is taking leave…you could call it forced… But it is also well deserved. In case you are wondering, he hasn’t been sacked.’

‘I was actually. I thought forced leave may have been a euphemism for being sacked.’

‘Let me reassure you that is not the case. He will return, just not to this investigation. Now. I have had my chance to say what I wanted. What was the information you had for Sergeant Dawes? Does it relate to the investigation?’

‘It does, actually.’ Over the several hours leading up to this call, I gave a great deal of thought about whether I should say anything to Dawes, and if I do, how I will explain this?

After weighing up the consequences of my full disclosure versus the consequences of me saying nothing at all, I still strongly favour honesty over all else. Mum and her friends will have to accept the consequences of their actions, whatever they may be.

I took a deep breath ahead of me informing the caller I am Jayden Evans. ‘I have something that I think Sergeant Dawes and you will want to hear…’

‘OK. Shoot…’

‘I am…’ My focus caught mum’s pleading eyes staring back at me. She was like a puppy with big, apologetic eyes pleading not to be punished for shitting on the floor.

At that moment, my moral blinkers fell away. I had what felt like instant clarity… An epiphany of sorts. For some unknown reason, I had a sudden and clear realization that my parents did what they did out of love… the love for a child to call their own.

They did whatever it took to be parents. I see that now. How did I miss that before? My closed-minded arrogance blocked this from me until just now.

I understand what they did was illegal, but they didn’t hurt anyone… certainly not my birth parents who were not only complicit, but were the instigators. Mum and dad didn’t steal me, as everyone believes. In essence, I was given to them.

With the exception of the way I came into their lives, my situation was not a whole different to parents raising an adopted child. It is coming to me in vivid clarity. How could I not see this before?

When my birth parents didn’t want me, my mum and dad did and they raised me with love, warmth and care. They spoiled me. They gave me every opportunity. They’re not evil. Why should they be punished because of my stubborn and righteous attitude? They do not deserve that.

If I say nothing, no-one will ever know any different. But if I am being honest, I just now realized the pivotal moment that caused me to question my actions. When mum turned away from me in her bed, it was the first time in my twenty-eight years I felt cold from her, instead of her warm love. And I hated it.

Mum is, and always has been our family’s glue. She has always been a caring, loving soul and I love that about her. To feel such chills emanating from her… because of something I did, or threatened to do… cut deeply at me.

‘You are what…?’ the caller asked. ‘Are you still there…?’

‘I’m here… I think you know that I am…’ My eyes locked onto mum’s sad eyes. ‘An idiot…’ I blurted, without any conscious thought.

‘I’m sorry…’ The cop said. ‘I don’t understand.’

I took hold of mum’s hand. Her eyebrows arched. Her eyes screamed, what the hell is going on?

’The reason I called was because…’ I looked deep into mum’s confused eyes. I gave a reassuring squeeze of her hand. ‘A few weeks back my mother suffered a heart attack because of the stress from this investigation. It made me realize there are things in this life more important to me…’

Tears welled in mum’s eyes. ‘So, to protect my mother’s health, I have decided to drop the law suit against Sergeant Dawes and Queensland Police. Mum doesn’t need any more stress, which I believe a future court case will surely bring.’

‘Thank you. I understand completely and I agree with you. Any court case will be stressful for all parties involved. I was hoping we would be able to resolve this during our chat today.’

‘My lawyer will provide you with the appropriate formal advice in the near future.’

When I ended the call, mum’s questioning eyes stared back at me. As I moved in to hug her tight she asked, ‘I don’t understand… What changed…? Don’t get me wrong, I’m very relieved… But…what changed?’

‘I did…’

---

Mark Twain wrote… “There are two great days in a person’s life—the day we are born and the day we discover why.”

For me, I was born twice… First in Queensland in February 1991 and then again in Western Australia in January 1991. It has taken twenty-five years and a whole lot of internal soul searching, but I have finally discovered the ‘why’.