THIRTY ONE – BLAIR

I’m lying down on the couch with my eyes closed. It’s early Saturday morning. The air outside is still dewy. The morning humidity is a sure sigh of a hot and sticky day to come.

My phone is resting face down on my chest and my palms are resting on my phone. I have no idea what I’m going to say to Noah when he shows up. I slipped out of Hunter’s bed at 8AM in preparation for this. It’s almost 9AM now but the hour of contemplation has still done little to prepare me.

He’s coming to drop off a tallboy dresser I bought on Facebook marketplace for my next project. I shouldn’t have called. I wouldn’t have called. Well, had I known literally one other person who owns an SUV. And also the deal was just too good to pass up. It’s a mid century teak dresser for $40!

My phone buzzes on my chest and I jump a little even though I’ve been expecting him.

“Hello?”

“It’s me.”

“I know.”

“Can you come down and help me with this?”

“Oh! Yes, of course.”

We don’t talk much other than the requisite logistical exchanges of how to manoeuvre the dresser into my apartment without causing damage to my building or the piece of furniture.

By the time we get it into the living room, we’re both out of breath and sweaty due to having to perform any amount of physical activity in the muggy atmosphere.

“Do you want some water?” I offer, but secretly hope that he declines and just leaves. I don’t want to have real talk.

“Sure,” Noah plops down on the couch and wipes his forehead with his forearm.

“Thanks, really.” I hand him the glass.

“What would you do without me?” Noah says jokingly, but he has a sad smile on his face. I sit down beside him on the couch.

There is a few moments of awkward silence between us. He takes a sip of water. Then, suddenly he turn to me, his hand comes up to my face and he leans in. I flinch and turn away.

“Noah, stop. You can’t kiss me. I don’t want to continue this anymore.”

“What’s wrong, baby?” His voice is kind and familiar in a way that only a lover’s would be.

He turns to face me, but I’m looking away.

“I was being serious when I said that whatever we were doing is finished.”

“Do you not want me anymore?” He reaches over and plays with a strand of my hair. It’s only been a few weeks since I’ve seen him, but my body is no longer reacting the way it used to towards him. The physical proximity between us feels no different than as if it were Larissa beside me. I guess maybe I really don’t want him anymore.

I say nothing.

“You’ve met someone, haven’t you?” He stops touching my hair. I examine his face. He looks disappointed. If he really cared about me, he would be happy for me.

“That’s beside the point. You know that our friendship had an expiry date on it. You knew from the beginning, even the first time around.”

My confrontation seems to have caught him off guard. I had never brought up our past before. I turn to face him but he is silent.

“You know what, I’m sick of being the easy-going, go with the flow girl. You really hurt me five years ago. Like really really hurt me.”

“I know.” He says. His head is bowed into his lap in a repentant position and his elbows are resting on his knees, hands hanging limp. He genuinely looks sorry but I can’t stop myself now. The anger and hurt I had been repressing for years feels like an internal dam that has burst under too much pressure. I thought I could keep holding it in, I thought I was over it now. But the thing is I never properly got closure. Not the first time we ended things and not this time either.

“I’m sure you know this too, but I was in love with you. I was so desperately, hopelessly, miserably in love with you. I wanted to be with you more than anything. More than anyone I’ve ever met.” These words surprise even me. I had never admitted this before, even to myself.

“You never told me any of this, how was I supposed to know?” His head is in his hands now.

“You’re a grown ass man. And you couldn’t tell I was in love with you?” I didn’t even realize but my voice is a few whole decibels louder now.

“All I know is we had a deep connection that went beyond just sex. But we were in such different stages in our lives. I was ready to start a family. You were just finishing your last year in university. You had so much life ahead of you, and I mean, look at you, you still do. You’re going to achieve so much, you have so much to look forward to. All I have to look forward to is the achievements of my kids now.”

“If you really really liked me, don’t you think you could have waited a few years for me until I was ready? We could have dated. We could have been happy together.” And now I’m yelling and sobbing.

“Blair, you’ve got a lust for life that I can’t compete with. That no man can compete with. Think about how many people you’ve been with since me. How many places you’ve travelled. For fuck’s sake, I saw your instagram story the other day. Just woke up and hopped on a plane to New York? You’re not exactly the suburban wife type and you’ll never be. I would hate myself, and you would resent me for it too if I ever made you into one.”

“Don’t put this on me.” I’m crying because I know that he is partially right, and because I partially hate myself for not being a ‘normal’ girl. I’m crying because I know now that relationships and marriage is complicated. Five years ago, I was too young and naïve to understand that it’s not just about having a connection, but also wanting the same things in life. I’m crying because I’m mourning what could have been, but could never have been anyway. I’m crying because my heart feels like it’s about to explode from everything I’ve been bottling inside for years. I’m also crying because Noah is fucking gaslighting me into thinking him ghosting me was for my own good. “Don’t excuse what you did for my sake.”

“No, you’re right. It wasn’t you, it really was me. I was a coward. I chose the safe choice, like I’ve done all throughout life. And then I blocked you out because I was so afraid that it would make me doubt my decision.”

“Thank you. That’s all I really wanted you to acknowledge.”

THIRTY TWO – HUNTER

I wake up to a call from my VP. Frantic yelling from his convertible’s bluetooth audio about our presentation Monday. I can hardly hear him, but I make out that some Junior Analyst has screwed something up and they need me to fix it. Great.

Blair is not beside me, nor is she anywhere in my apartment. Are we at a point at which we should be updating each other on our whereabouts yet? I think not, so I decide against asking her.

I put on a casual dress shirt and stretchy chinos and grab my helmet for the drive to the office. I usually take transit, but it’s easier to find free parking on the weekends.

The breeze is refreshing despite the humidity. The short ride affords me a little bit of time to think. I wonder what kind of offers will come in on the townhouse. What am I going to do with the money? Maybe I’ll buy a condo near my work? Maybe I’ll take some time off and travel?

I wonder what kind and how big of a screw up happened. How many hours am I going to have to be here on a Saturday? I thought the benefit of being a Senior Hedge Fund Analyst was so that I wouldn’t have to deal with this crap. But of course, it’s not like the VP is going to come in on a Saturday to redo spreadsheets. All the VP is good for is really to entertain the clients. And everyone else does the shit work. That’s the life of a salaryman after all.

As I sit down at my desk, I wonder what Blair is doing. It’s really a mystery how that girl makes money to keep herself alive. All I know is that she TA’s, flips furniture, and draws sometimes.

Ever since I met Blair, she’s opened my eyes to a different way of living life. Before her, I didn’t have any friends who were creatives. And I am ashamed to admit that I looked down on anyone who did not have a professional career. I used to think that it was sad for people to be struggling so hard when they can just get a“real job”. But the joke’s on me because look who’s at the office on a Saturday.

I open the spreadsheets and start working on them absentmindedly. Same shit, just different client. Plug and play.

I’m the one with the sad life. I’ve got a nice fat pay stub every month, but nothing to show for it. Every single month, a huge fraction goes towards paying the mortgage and other expenses on our 1.7 million dollar townhouse—a place that I only realized when we are about to sell it that I literally have zero attachment to. If Sarah and I got married, we’d have 1.5 kids and the rest of my pay check would go to keeping the kids alive and educated. Then I would really be stuck in the corporate world forever. Working for another 30 years until I retire or die of a heart attack—whichever comes first.

Some nights I would work on my laptop on Blair’s couch while she was up working on a furniture piece. I would tell her that being in her presence while she worked motivated me to do the same. But the reality is that watching her work mesmerized me. She can put on her headphones, put her head down, and paint for hours. She can get lost in her work in a way that I could never. And that’s because she truly loves what she’s doing and I don’t.

. . .

By the time I’m almost through with the spreadsheets, it’s a couple minutes past 7 PM already. I grabbed a coffee and a quick bite from Timmy’s at lunch, but it was barely enough to tide me over until now.

I yawn and stand up to stretch my legs. I text Cameron, ‘Do you have any food?’

‘Yes lol’

Great. I call Blair.

“Hey, I was just going to call you! Where are you?” Her cheery voice instantly gives me that boost of energy I needed for today’s last stretch.

“Hey, I’m at the office. Had to come in to do some work.”

“I was just out running some errands and I’m actually on a streetcar right now heading in your direction. I can meet you at your office? Are you almost done?”

“I think I will be by the time you get here.”

“Awesome. See you in like 5 minutes.”

THIRTY THREE – BLAIR

I know the general area of where Hunter works, but I have never actually been to his office.

The building is clean and sharp and intimidating. I’m not even sure I’ve ever been inside a building so fancy before. As I’m standing outside, I look up and I can hardly see the sky. Then I look down and I suddenly feel extremely out of place. I’m wearing a Care Bears crop top and a pair of overalls that I bought from Mark’s. Both my pants and fingers have paint stains on them. I’m holding a cloth grocery bag that has a ‘resist the patriarchy’ print on it. Inside are fruits and a bundle of chrysanthemums I bought for Cameron and Jessa.

I enter and the security guard at the front desk asks who I’m here to see.

“Hunter Kimura? 15th floor?” I squeak. He checks something in his computer and nods.

“Yes, please go ahead, Ms. Whitman.” He presses something that unlocks one of the row of glass gates for me. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been referred to as Ms. Whitman. I smile at him as I go through the glass gate.

As I’m waiting for the elevator, I take in the 30 feet floor to ceiling glass windows in the lobby and wonder what kind of ladies and gentlemen come through these gates everyday. I guess people like Hunter. And Sarah.

In the elevator, I take out my phone and re-read Hunter’s instructions for the third time. ‘Once you’re off the elevator, go through the glass doors, turn right and it’s the third office past the board room.’

The entire office is relatively small, with less than a couple dozen offices along one hallway. There is no sign of anyone there.

I knock on his door and open it at the same time. Hunter is sitting at his desk behind his computer, wearing a light blue button up. His sleeves are rolled up a few inches, revealing his toned forearms. His desk faces the door. He has on a pair of glasses, which I’ve only occasionally seen him wear while reading in bed. Damn, he looks so fucking smart and hot when he’s all dressed up and in his office.

“Hi, Mr. Kimura? Ms. Whitman, your 7:30?”

He tilts his head gives me a curious smile before clearing his throat. “Yes, nice to see you again. Please have a seat Ms. Whitman. I’m just finishing up on a file here. I’ll just be a moment.”

I put my bags on the ground and take the seat across from him. Wow, even the client chairs are comfy. I lean my head back and do a 360 swivel in the chair. My ponytail hits the back of his monitor. Hunter chuckles and places his hands on his desk.

“All done. How can I help you, Ms. Whitman?”

“Well, you see, the issue I’m having is that I just received the last invoice for your services. I simply can’t afford it. I was just wondering if there’s any other way to pay you back for your services?” I bat my lashes at him in what I hope was a seductive manner and unbuckle one side of my overalls.

“Well, let’s see if we can work something out then…” Hunter takes his glasses off and puts them on his desk. He runs his hands through his hair and motions me over to him. I walk around his desk to his side and place both hands on the arms of his chair. I lean down and kiss him passionately, exploring the inside of his mouth with my tongue. His fingers comes up to the side of my face softly. No matter how many times I’ve kissed him, it still gives my butterflies.

Then, without warning, I drop down to my knees and my hands move to his thighs. I run both of them up his thighs slowly until they come to his crotch and I feel something hard. I unzip his pants and release his cock from his boxers. He groans when I make contact with him. I feel myself dampening as I think about the floor to ceiling windows in his office. I wonder if anyone from any adjacent building can see us…

I use my tongue on him slowly, teasing him with a few licks first before putting my lips on his swollen tip. He moans and throws his head back as I take all of him inside of my mouth and deep into the back of my throat. I suck him slowly, moving up and down from my lips to my throat as I stare at his expression. He looks so stupidly attractive in his stupid dress shirt.

“Will this do in lieu of my remaining balance, Mr. Kimura?” I ask innocently, still on my knees. Just as he is about to answer, there is a knock on his door. My eyes widen in panic as he swiftly tucks me and his exposed cock under his desk, which thankfully has a backing to prevent me from being seen by whoever is at the door.

The door opens. I’m kneeling and covering my mouth with one hand. My other hand is gripping Hunter’s knee. His delicious cock is still erect and twitching under the desk.

“Hey, Hunter. Just letting you know I’m heading out for the night.” It’s a female. A wave of jealousy hits me at the thought of him spending the whole day at the office on the weekend alone with another woman. I have to punish him. I inch forward and put his cock inside of my mouth again.

“OH!” Hunter says, a bit loudly as my mouth closes around him. “Sorry just had a sudden migraine hit.” He closes his eyes and pretends to rub his temples. “Yeah, have a good weekend, Daisy.“ He says hurriedly.

“Any plans for the weekend?” She asks. He hits the back of my throat.

“Hmm! Oh God.” He pauses and shifts in his chair but it only sends him deeper. “No no, nothing at all. Just trying to finish up this file and get out of here. How about you?” Bad Hunter. How could he ask another woman about her weekend plans while I’m sucking him off? I go a little faster.

She starts telling him about a baby shower for her sister. All he manages to respond with is a string of “Mmhmm”s

“Anywho! I won’t keep ya any longer. See you Monday!”

“Likewise. Enjoy the baby shower,” Hunter waves. I hear the door close. Hunter pulls his cock out of my mouth as he stands up quickly and locks the door behind her. Then he comes around and pulls me out from under his desk.

He pushes me onto his desk, faced down.

“You’ve been a very naughty girl.” He spanks me once, while pulling off his pants. My pussy tightens at the sting of the impact. “And you’ve got a huge bill to pay off Ms. Whitman. It’s a huge debt. And it’s going to take something huge to pay it off.” He spanks me again.

“Yes, Mr. Kimura. I can take something huge. Give it to me.”

He slides off my overalls and panties and spreads my legs slightly with his hands, opening up my lips for him. I look out the window and realize that the adjacent building’s windows are tinted in a way that doesn’t allow you to see from outside in. I wonder if Hunter’s office building is the same but I’m so turned on from taking his hard cock in my mouth that I don’t even care.

He takes his member in one hand and slides it up and down against my opening. An involuntary whimper escapes my lips as he meets my already dripping wet opening.

Then, he pushes the tip into me slowly, then takes it out. He teases me over and over with just the tip, the sensation of his thick swollen head stretching then leaving my opening driving me insane.

“Deeper, please, deeper.” I moan.

“Not yet, Ms. Whitman. First I want you to touch yourself for me.”

I do as I’m told and start to rub my clit with one hand and attempt to back my ass onto him to take more of him inside of me.

“No. Give me your other hand.”

I obey and offer him my other hand. Hunter takes my wrist and bends my arm behind my back, holding me captive against the desk so that I can’t move back at all. I continue to touch myself and ache for him to bury his cock deep inside of me.

The more he refuses me, the tighter my pussy grows.

“Please, Mr. Kimura. Please. I need more.” I’m pleading and begging now through my moans. I’ve never been so turned on and brought so close to cumming by such a slow rhythm.

I’m begging him over and over again now, as I continue to caress my clit for him, just as he commanded, but he refuses to go any deeper.

My fingers quickens as I feel my climax approaching. My pussy is squeezing him, hard, but he still doesn’t give in.

“I can’t, I can’t, I can’t anymore,” I repeat as my head is spinning. My heart rate quickens as my cunt just approaches the beginning of a series of convulsions. “I’m cumming, fuck, I’m cumming.” Only then, does he grant me his full length, or at least all that will fit inside of me, and allow me to cum while completely filled up with him. A wave of pleasure pulsates through my entire body but he’s not done with me yet.

He suddenly changes his pace and grabs both of my wrists to pull my chest off the desk. He starts to fuck me deep and hard like he’s punishing my pussy, my breasts slapping against his hardwood desk with every thrust and I lose my damn mind. My first orgasm is long and dizzying as if all the blood in my body has rushed to my core. I scream with every thrust and he makes me cum over and over again until we’re both a hot mess of cum and sweat. He finally releases himself inside of me and lets go of my wrists. Only then do I realize that they’re sore and there’s a red mark all around them as if I had been tied up and tortured—well, I kind of was, if not granting a pleading maiden your cock counts as torture.

He slides out of my wetness and kisses the side of my neck.

“Ms. Whitman, we can consider your invoice paid off now.”

THIRTY FOUR – HUNTER

God, what is this woman doing to me? I think to myself, as I stare at her from across the room. It’s only been a couple of hours since we last touched—me holding her hand in the elevator on the way up here—but my body already misses hers. Internally, I’m counting down the minutes until it’s socially acceptable for us to leave; until I can hold her in my arms again and touch her and kiss her.

I’m eating at Cameron’s kitchen island in his open concept condo on the penthouse floor. Blair is sitting down with her legs crossed on the living room rug having a very intimate conversation with Jessa, whispering things in each other’s ears. I wonder if they’re talking about me. And if so, what are they saying?

We didn’t explicitly discuss whether we were going to let people know we are… well, what are we? Friends with benefits? But either way, I don’t want other people speculating things, so I decide to keep my distance from her.

Of the couple dozen or so people at Cameron’s place, it’s quite clear who are Cameron’s versus Jessa’s friends. Jessa is a catalog model and all of her friends are tall, beautiful and fashionable. Cameron’s invites are mostly our friends from university and their partners—an overwhelmingly normal looking crowd.

Blair stands out like a sore thumb. She looks like an outsider—neither normal nor model-like—with her petite frame, artsy atire and mixed race features. An alarmingly beautiful outsider that I can’t seem to peel my eyes off of.

The get together is just a little celebration of Jessa moving in with Cameron and the beginning of their official relationship.

“Hey, you.” Sarah sits down on the bar stool next to me. I nod at her as I’m stuffing my face with hors d’oeuvres. “So Jessa seems interesting. What is she, like eight years younger than Cameron?”

I swallow, “six.” Just like Blair and I.

“Oh, okay. Do you think they’re gonna last?”

I shrug. “Yeah, I think he really likes her.”

“I heard she’s never even had a boyfriend before.” Was Sarah always such a gossip? When she was my girlfriend, I hadn’t really noticed, but now that we’re just friends, the gossiping seems to bother me more. But maybe for her, I’m still that person that she can say anything to without fear of being judged, so I shouldn’t judge I guess.

“I have no idea, Sarah. All I know is that she is my neighbour’s friend and they met and fell in love the same night.”

“Doesn’t part of you wonder if she’s just here for his money? I mean, I doubt models make that much unless they’re supermodels, right? She’s so lucky she gets to just move into his penthouse. I wonder if he’s even making her pay him any rent.”

I say nothing. I just keep eating.

“Oh, our agent called today. He says there’s been quite a bit of interest. We’ll review offers next Wednesday.”

“Should we all meet at the townhouse then?”

“Yeah. We can request an earlier closing date so you can move out of that dump and buy yourself a nice condo. I feel so bad that you had to move to such a cheap apartment since you had to keep making mortgage payments.”

“I actually like it there.” I say, flatly.

Sarah gives me a weird look. “So what’s new with you these days?”

“I think I’m going to quit my job.”

Sarah turns to full on face me. The weirded out look on her face deepens and turns into concern. “What are you talking about? Are you insane? What the hell would you do with yourself?”

“Maybe I’ll take some time off and travel for a bit. Soon I’ll have no financial obligations and I don’t have kids either. If not now, then when? Maybe I’ll go backpacking across South East Asia.”

Then she laughs nervously, “Good one, Hunter. You’re such a comedian.”

“Sure.” I sigh. I don’t want to explain myself any further. Sarah wouldn’t get it. I see Blair get up from the rug and grab a glass of champagne before heading onto the huge balcony overlooking the lake. I am overcome with a desire to be closer to her.

“Your neighbour also seems interesting. It’s a shame Jake isn’t here tonight.”

“Yeah, she’s pretty cool.” I wonder if Sarah has interacted with Blair at all or if she is just trying to squeeze a reaction out of me.

“Ok, you can be real with me. Do you have a crush on her or something? You guys came here together, yet you haven’t spoken at all despite staring at her all night.”

“What?” Am I really being that obvious? “We’re just friends. I just gave her a ride. Anyway, I think Jake likes her, or whatever. I don’t even know. It’s not my business.”

“Okay,” Sarah shrugs and leaves the kitchen island, “whatever you say, Hunter.” She picks up a glass of champagne and joins Blair on the balcony.

Shit. I wonder what she’s going to say to her…

I get up as well, and quickly follow suit.

THIRTY FIVE – BLAIR

We ride the elevator in silence. The feeling of him inside of me is still fresh in my mind. I blush as thoughts of what we were doing a mere half hour ago flashes back into my mind. He looks at me, oblivious to the dirty things running through my head, smiles and takes my hand.

As Hunter’s fingers interlocks with mine, a warmth radiates throughout my body from my chest. But he releases my hand the moment the digital display in the elevator shows PH. Does he even realize that in the elevator, that was the first time he held my hand? How could he let me go so lightly?

I don’t know what I’m expecting. I don’t even know what I want. But all I know is that him letting me go hurts.

As soon as we step off the elevator into Cameron’s penthouse, Hunter’s got nothing to do with me anymore. I meet a few of Cameron’s friends. They all seem nice, but I can’t recall a single thing we talk about.

Intrusive thoughts are swimming inside of my head. The intense conversation that happened with Noah this morning. Hunter pretending like he doesn’t even know me. The beautiful Sarah, making a fashionably late entrance to the party, and taking her [rightful?] seat right next to Hunter.

“That’s Sarah.” I whisper to Jessa, who is sat next to me on the soft white shag rug in the living room.

“Ugh, Sarah.” She whispers back. “I hate her already.”

I laugh, “Oh, Jessa. I love you.”

I’m telling Jessa about this morning, recounting what happened with Noah. She gives me a huge hug and tells me that she’s relieved for me that I’ve finally gotten that asshole to admit his assholery. It’s more nuanced than that, but I accept her simplified version of events nonetheless.

I suddenly feel incredibly sad after talking about it and excuse myself.

I need a damn drink.

I grab one and step outside onto the balcony. It’s not even really so much a balcony, but a huge outdoor patio that is at least a few hundred square feet. Cameron has more outdoor patio furniture than I have indoor furniture at home. There is a huge sectional conversation set, an outdoor fireplace, and a long teak wood dining table with seating for at least 12. He even has standing heaters, the kind that you find at the outdoor patios of restaurants.

I walk up to the railing and take a sip of the champagne. The view from his penthouse is phenomenal. From where I am standing, all I can see is Lake Ontario. The chatter from the party is muted behind the sliding glass doors. I can’t even hear anything from the streets from this high up and I can’t see any evidence of the city. It’s so serene and peaceful that it’s easy to forget that I’m actually in the heart of downtown Toronto.

I close my eyes and imagine that I’m all alone in the entire city. I wonder how the indigenous people felt when they first arrived in this very spot and stared out into the lake. The thought them losing their land and homes makes me even sadder.

Tears run down my face involuntarily and I raise my arm to wipe them away. God, why am I such a crybaby today? The last time I had a good cry must have been at least a few months ago when I watched Hachiko.

“It’s beautiful isn’t it?” A woman’s voice interrupts my thoughts from beside me.

I look over. It’s Sarah. “Yeah, so beautiful. I’ve never seen such a view from Toronto to be honest.”

“I’m Sarah, by the way,”

“Blair, Jessa’s friend. Nice to meet you.”

“I figured you were Jessa’s friend.”

“How so?” I tilt my head.

“Because you’re so pretty, like the rest of them!” She laughs.

Why does she have to be so nice? I try to smile and receive her compliment graciously, but her kindness just makes me want to cry more. Another tear streams down my face.

“Hey, hey, are you okay?” Sarah touches my arm.

“Sorry,” I wave my hand in front of my eyes, an attempt to dry my tear ducts, “stupid boy troubles.”

Sarah sighs, “Yup, I’ve been there. I am there.”

From the corner of my eye, I see Hunter standing by the glass doors that lead to the patio. He’s looking at us. Looking at Sarah comforting the clearly crying me. He doesn’t make any indication of approaching us.

I guess he doesn’t care if I’m hurting. A pang of acheing shoots through my chest at this realization.

“Oh yeah?” I say lightly, not wanting to reveal how much I actually know about her.

“I’m Hunter’s… I don’t even know where we are… ex, I guess? If you didn’t know. I’ve dealing with stupid boy troubles to the moon here.”

“Ahh,” I wonder for a moment, then decide that I will ask my question after all, “So are you guys planning on getting back together?”

“I cheated on him, and he doesn’t want to get back together, which is understandable.“

“Do you still love him?”

“Yes! I would give anything to be with him again.”

Another ache shoots through my heart.

“Do you think he will forgive you eventually?”

“I think so. He’s a logical person. He knows that we’re good for each other. I feel like he’ll just go sleep around or whatever he needs to do to get over it and he’ll come back to me in the end.“ I guess he’s just ‘sleeping around or whatever’ with me right now.

Just then, Hunter joins us. “Hey ladies, what are y’all talking about?”

“You!” Says Sarah with a hearty laugh. She touches his arm in a familiar and almost possessive way. I stare at him, willing him telepathically to pull away but he doesn’t flinch. He accepts her touch. “So tell me, how did you guys become friends?”

“Well you know, just naturally from being neighbours. I mean, we haven’t really hung out, just seen each other around.” Hunter glosses over us just like that.

I realize that my jaw is already open when I open my mouth to speak. I blink a few times and recollect myself. “Yeah, we barely know each other,” I add.

“So what do you do, Blair? Are you a painter or something?” She looks down at my overalls, “You know what, we might need to get our walls painted before we close on the house, isn’t that right, Hunter?” Sarah speaks as if she and Hunter are a unit, as if they are still together. Something in her voice sounds petty and demeaning now. Maybe she really isn’t as nice as I thought. Now I’m pissed. And so what if I were a house painter? What’s wrong with that?

“Well, I’m actually a doctorate student and instructor at OCAD. I’m also running multiple small businesses—a furniture flipping business, an art studio and a loft downtown which I’m running an Airbnb out of. So please excuse my attire, ’cause I come into contact with a lot of art supplies everyday.” I hate people who brag, but something about Sarah’s demeanour makes me want to put a bitch in her place because I’m pretty sure I make more money than her and Hunter combined.

“I didn’t know you own an art studio and Airbnb?” Hunter asks.

“Well, Hunter, we haven’t really hung out enough for me to talk to you about it.” I give him an innocent blank look, but I feel like daggers are piercing through my heart.

“Wow, but rent must be like soo expensive downtown, no?” Sarah asks.

“Huh, I wouldn’t know. My dad has owned the studio and loft since the 70’s.” I explain. “So what do you guys do?”

“Oh, I’m an accountant at PwC, you know, one of the big five accounting firms?” Sarah replies. Yes, I know what PwC is.

“Oh yeah, and how’s that?”

“It’s honestly like soo stressful. I have to work overtime like all the time. Like, sometimes I just wanna marry a rich guy and be a house wife, you know?” She laughs. I give her a fake laugh, but I want to roll my eyes. I seriously can’t believe Hunter dated this clown.

“And what about you, Hunter?”

“Nothing exciting. Just some boring finance job.” Hunter’s reply surprises me. His humble tone is a stark contrast from haughty one he had the first night we met when he was talking about his job.

“Oh, excuse me I see my friend just arrived, it was soo nice meeting you, Blair!” Sarah leaves to go back inside and talk to her friend. She leaves Hunter and I with an air of awkwardness hanging between us. I feel grossed out by myself for how I just behaved. I feel dejected.

“It was soo nice to meet your ex girlfriend, Hunter.” I realize my mocking tone probably sounds childish but I don’t care.

“Sorry, she’s being kind of extra today. I think she feels threatened by you.”

“Why? Apparently she think you’re going to forgive her eventually and get back together with her.”

“Is that what she said to you?” Hunter pauses, then tries to change the subject, “So you own a studio and loft downtown?”

“Well, my dad did. He left them to my sister and I when he passed away, but since Yuki’s in New York full time, she just lets me manage everything. I just give her a small portion of the profits.”

“Why don’t you just live in the loft?”

“Because the loft is worth more to me as a business than a place to sleep. I like it but not enough to lose ten a grand a month just to live there, okay?” I can hear the irritation in my own voice. “Sorry, what are we doing here?”

“What do you mean?” Is Hunter dense or just pretending to be?

“Look, I’m not asking you to tell the world that we’re fucking and introduce me to your friends, but can I at least get an ounce of fucking respect as a human being? Why are you going around telling people that you barely know me? If you don’t want to talk about the shit we do in the dark, that’s fine, but we don’t need to be friends either.” Thankfully there’s no one else on the patio, because I’d really be making a scene now. “Don’t talk to me. Don’t text me. Don’t cook dinner for me. And don’t hold my fucking hand.”

“Blair, that’s not… I just…” Hunter runs his fingers through his hair and looks at me with a pained, guilty expression.

“Like, am I being unreasonable here? Can we not even be friends in public or do you want to keep that a secret too?” My chest hurts. It hurts to bad and I just want to leave now. Hunter is silent. Why is he so stoic? I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I pull out my phone and call an Uber.

THIRTY SIX – HUNTER

“Like, am I being unreasonable here? Can we not even be friends in public or do you want to keep that a secret too?” Blair looks like she’s about to cry. I hate myself for hurting her. I never meant to. I was just trying to keep Sarah out of our business, because I suspect that she would go around trash talking both Blair and I if she found out we were sleeping together.

The pained expression on her face, in her voice, hits me like a ton of bricks. It’s killing me.

She takes out her phone and opens the Uber app. Fuck. I don’t want her to leave me. Not like this. I grab it out of her hands and shove her phone in my pocket. She begins to protest but I shut her up with my mouth. I don’t care anymore as my lips crash down on hers. I don’t care who can see us, I don’t care what they will say. I don’t care what Sarah will think, or anyone else for that matter.

Blair leans back at first, but I wrap my hands around her waist and the back of her head and within a millisecond she reciprocates my kiss. The heat between us is unstoppable. I pull away and she looks so adorable when she’s flustered.

“You’re not being unreasonable, Blair. I’m so sorry I made you feel that way.” It’s time for me to man up and be honest. “I just didn’t want people talking shit about us and spreading rumours. But you know what, I don’t care anymore. I like you. Like, I really fucking like you and I would never go back to Sarah, whether you were here or not.

“I don’t know what that means. I don’t even know if I want a relationship right now. But all I know is that you’re the only person on my mind. Like all the fucking time. I want to sleep next to you and wake up next to you. I want to feed you. I want to watch you make art. I want to hold you when you cry.

“I don’t want to claim you or label you. I want you to just spend time with me because you want to be here.”

“Oh, Hunter.” She embraces me, her soft body tight against mine. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted too.”

I take her hand in mine, we leave the patio together and head straight for the elevators. Sarah is shooting icy stares at us, but honestly nobody else seems to even notice us. I was so worried about nothing. Nobody cares who I’m fucking, why would they?

When we finally get downstairs and on my motorcycle, I am overcome a rush of adrenaline and anticipation. I can’t wait to get home and devour her bit by bit. I don’t plan on letting her sleep a wink tonight.

“Let’s go to my loft. I just cleaned it this afternoon before I came to your office, but there’s no guest checking in until Tuesday.” Blair shows me the address on her phone. I take note of the directions and nod. It’s in Liberty Village, not a far drive from Cameron’s condo on Lakeshore Blvd.

. . .

“I feel like we’re going on a trip together,” I chuckle, as we check in to Blair’s airbnb.

She smiles and invites me into the space. It’s a huge open concept space filled with lots of character and original features. It has huge industrial windows that have been reinforced with modern steel frames, exposed brick walls, exposed beams and HVAC in the ceilings, and a beautiful spiral staircase that goes up to the bedroom on the second floor.

“Holy shit,” Is all I manage to get out as I take it all in. The space is filled with luscious hanging plants from the 20 feet ceilings that look like they’re older than me, and quirky decor from a wide variety of styles—mid century, contemporary, bohemian, you name it—yet somehow it all comes together so well into a cohesive maximalist paradise.

“This is amazing. Who decorated this place?”

“My dad mostly. He was a product designer, mostly furniture. He bought this place just out of university. He said that he knew he wanted to stay in Toronto forever, so he bit the bullet and bought this and his studio even though he was broke.”

“So did you guys live here growing up?” I put my helmet down on the bug beautiful harvest table and go exploring.

“Not really, I mean I think we did for a couple years until my parents realized that it would impossible to raise kids in a loft. We moved to a house near midtown when Yuki and I were still babies and my dad rented the loft out to some local artists. My mom still lives at my childhood house. But my parents got divorced when Yuki and I were in high school and my dad moved back here.”

“And you dad passed away when you were in your senior year, right?” I remember her mentioning it before, although she didn’t say much about his death.

Blair is silent for a moment. She puts the kettle on. “Yeah. He killed himself.”

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry.” I don’t know what to say.

“It’s okay. I mean, it’s not. But you don’t have to be sorry. And please don’t feel that you need to walk on eggshells about it. I’ve had tons of therapy already, so yeah.” She gives me a small smile.

“Do you know why he did it?”

“He was depressed. He had been for a while, but you know how it is, people of his generation don’t really know how to deal with mental illness. He never sought help.

“He spent most of his life working for this one furniture company, when it went under during the recession, he couldn’t find a job anywhere. He was so angry, angry with capitalism, with globalization, with mass production, with companies like IKEA who made people like him obsolete.” The kettle whistles. “Tea?”

“No, thank you.”

“Anyway, I think eventually he felt that he had lost his passion and purpose in life and didn’t have the strength to continue on anymore. My dad is the reason why I vowed that I would never ever work for money. I feel like a part of me has to carry on his legacy by following my passions in life.”

I sit down on the couch and contemplate what Blair has said. A purpose in life… what would that be for me? I’m 33 years old and I don’t even know.

“What is your purpose in life?” I ask

“I just want to be happy and healthy, and create things that inspire people. What about you?”

“I don’t know.”

Blair takes a sip of her tea.

“I don’t know why but I was sitting at my desk today and suddenly the idea of quitting my job and taking some time off to travel crossed my mind. After we sell the townhouse, I’ll be debt free.”

“You should do it. After I graduated from university, I went on this absolutely amazing backpacking trip across South America for eight months. I met so many interesting people, and it really put things in perspective for me.”

“How so?”

“It just taught me how trivial our problems are. Like, traffic jams on the 401 and not being able to have the newest iPhone. They are literally non-issues. I’ve met people who lived in slums who had less psychological problems than us.”

“Hmm.” I don’t know why I never really thought of her that way before, but Blair is so incredibly intelligent and worldly. I used to think that she was stuck in her little make art, not war bubble, but I was so so wrong. She knows so much more about the world than I do. I’ve never once gone backpacking. The only places I’ve stayed when on vacation were five star hotels. I was the one living in a bubble all my life.

Blair sets her mug down. “Anyway! Let me show you around. So this is the kitchen…” She waves at the little kitchen filled with retro appliances with her hand. She slips off her overalls and leaves it on the ground. Then, she moves on to the living room. I follow. “Living room, nice 65 inch TV with Netflix included.” She slips her shirt off of her head and flings it onto the couch. Fuck, her body is so perfect. She opens a door I hadn’t even noticed, “Bathroom, with a standing shower and claw foot tub.” She takes off her bra and throws it in the tub. My cock stirs at the sight of her perfect, perky nipples. I reach out to grab them but she slips away from me and starts heading up the staircase, but not before she kicks off her underwear.

As I follow behind her up the set of narrow, twisting stairs, I have a perfectly clear sight of her ass in front of my face. I reach out one hand and grab her cheeks, pressing my thumb against her opening. She lets out a whimper as my digit meets her slippery cunt. I feel her pussy tightening in surprise. I don’t move my hand until we reach the top of the stairs.

“And this is the bedroom.” She flops down onto the bed on her back, completely naked. I look around the room. I take notice of a pair of rope curtain ties and an idea pops into my mind. I take them off the curtains and bring them with me to the bed.

“What is that for?” Blair asks, knowingly.

“Oh, you know what it’s for.” I stretch out my hand for hers. She obliges. I tie one set of ropes into handcuffs around her wrists, and the other I use to tie her handcuffs to the bed post. Then, wasting no time, I spread open her legs and dive in.

She lets out a sensual sigh as my mouth meets her clit. I go slow at first, taking my time to draw out those little moans from her. But I can tell it’s not enough for her. She begins to grind her hips against me and beg. I’m glad that she’s tied up so that I can torture her a little longer.

“What do you want, Blair?” I have on a devilish grin. I grip both of her nipples under my fingers and twist them.

“Ahh,” she squirms and her breasts bounce side to side with the movement of her body. My cock twitches in response at the sight. “I want…” My mouth is back on her clit, drawing slow circles with my tongue. “I want… ahh…” Her back arches as I give her a few flicks with my tongue. “Faster please…” she says between heavy breaths, “I want to cum…”

“Already?” I moan into her as I increase my speed a little bit faster.

“I’m so close… ahh…” she screams, and I increase my speed a little more. “Wait, wait, I want to cum on your cock. Please I need your cock…”

I obey. I slide off my pants with my mouth still working her clit, lapping at her wetness with my tongue. She is a mess of uncontrollable squirms and moans beneath me.

“Ahhh I can’t anymore… please, Hunter, please, I’m begging you. I need you inside of me right now…”

I slide up the bed and take her with haste. I push into her all at once and the feeling of her tight pussy around my cock makes me shiver in pleasure. She screams, with each thrust, her breasts bounce up and down erotically. I can’t take it anymore with the expression on her face, the look in her eyes as I see her climax coming.

“Ahh… I’m cumming Hunter!” She arches her back into me, pulling hard at her restraints. A low grunt escapes me as I feel my own orgasm fast approaching as well. I continue thrusting, harder and harder with each pump. She continues screaming, harder and harder with each pump. I empty myself into her tight pussy and collapse on top of her, completely spent.

“Owww, Hunter, you’re crushing me.” She whines.

I laugh, and roll over beside her. We lay in silence for a few moments, catching our breaths.

“So are you going to untie me now?” Blair rolls onto her side and nudges my leg with her knee. I roll onto my side to face her, and take her breasts into my mouth, circling her nipples as I had with her clit moments earlier. A soft moan escapes her.

“No, I’m not done with you yet.” I pin her down again, my cock already rock hard and ready for round two.

THIRTY SEVEN – BLAIR

Dear Hunter,

I hope this email finds you happy and inspired.

My dissertation…? It’s going horribly; thanks for reminding me I need to get back to work. I’m at that point where I’ve been starting to doubt my life decisions. FML. I’ve been writing every day until 4-5 AM recently. Then I’ll wake up at noon and scroll on IG for at least an hour.

My IG feed has been populated with nothing but PhD memes lately. It’s just this echo chamber of how miserable it is to do a PhD. Meh. If I don’t laugh, I’ll cry. Those memes are the highlight of my day. And, of course, your emails when I do get one! So keep ’em coming!

How were your last few days in Vietnam? Thanks for the rice field photos. Absolutely stunning! It’s just so incredible that such beauty actually exists on the same Earth we live in. Concrete jungles are so ugly. Why in hell are there almost 3 million people in this damn city?! Where are you now? Btw. Can I just say I fucking hate you?! Like in a good way though. Like envy-hate.

Chelsea sounds super cool. I can’t believe you met a real life travel blogger. I thought they were mythical creatures or IG propaganda. I admit I semi-stalked her Instagram and I officially (envy-)hate her too. Soooo did you fuck her? No, wait, don’t tell me. I know we said we wouldn’t set any expectations for… us. But I don’t think I can stomach the imagery of you fucking a beautiful woman. So just don’t tell me anything at all~

I had brunch with Jessa the other day. She is PREGNANT!!!!!! No ring on her finger but she’s got a baby in her belly. Is this how the kids are doing life these days? She’s happy though. I don’t think she cares much for marriage. It’s so French of her.

Tbh I don’t care much for marriage either. What are your thoughts re: marriage? Kids? Sorry. Too intense?

I miss you too xxxxxx and I can’t wait to see you in the Spring if I ever get around to finishing this damn paper!

Signing off with my love & bestest wishes,

Blair

THIRTY EIGHT – HUNTER

The moment I see her, I can’t help the stupid grin from spreading across my face. I’m holding up a piece of paper that has Blair Whitman scribbled on it. Though I don’t know why I bothered with it. It’s not like she doesn’t know who’s picking her up from the airport. I crumple it up and stuff it in my pocket.

She is pushing an airport cart with a huge Osprey backpacking bag on it. She looks slightly disheveled, wearing shorts, a loose t-shirt tucked in the front, and a bun, but adorable nonetheless.

Blair gives me a huge wave as she exits the baggage claim area. She’s grinning too. She walks, well, almost runs, around the security gate and I meet her at the end of the walkway.

At some point the cart is abandoned. “Fuck Hunter, I fucking missed you,” is whispered in my ear. A shy little nibble on my ear. A soft kiss on her neck. Her arms wrap around my neck. Mine around her waist, lifting her up in the tightest embrace. She’s finally in my arms. Finally.

The smell of her neck, the feeling of her small but soft body against mine, suddenly brings me back to that night in the alley. To the first time I touched her the way I really wanted to.

When we get to my Airbnb, I clean up the place a bit while Blair hops in the shower. I move my clothes around in the drawers and closet to make space for her. I grab a cold Fanta from the fridge and head to our private pool on the patio. I strip down to my swim trunks and sit on the edge of the pool with my calves in the water.

The view of the Balinese mountainside is just fucking phenomenal. The vastness of the deep green forest highlighted with specks of red flora is almost as chilling as it is mesmerizing.

I take a sip of the soda and savour the tingling feeling of carbonation running down my throat. I lean back, both palms on the cool mosaic tile around the pool, and just stare out into the forest. My feet absentmindedly splash in the water.

Blair plops down beside me. Close enough for me to feel a little breeze as air molecules are displaced when she moves, but not close enough to accidentally touch her. We’ve only had two months apart but I suddenly feel unsure of how to act around her again.

“This is so beautiful, Hunter. Thanks for having me.”

“Thanks for coming, Blair. Really. I’m happy you’re here.”

She giggles and leans her head against my arm for a moment.

“So how does it feel to be Dr. Whitman?”

“Somehow I feel undeserving of the title. Even though logically I know I’ve worked so hard to make it happen.” She pauses. “And you? How does it feel to be almost 35, jobless, homeless, and loveless.” We both laugh at how dire my situation sounds.

Blair jumps down into the pool and submerges herself underwater briefly. When she resurfaces, she puts one hand on top of my thigh, the other on the mosaic tile. My cock reacts unconsciously by giving a little rise. I shift my swim shorts a little.

“I feel… free. For the first time in my life, I truly feel like I’m enjoying being alive.” I lean back and lie down on my back, placing one hand on my stomach. I hear Blair get out of the water and she lies down beside me.

She turns to face me, running a finger down my bare chest. “Isn’t it wonderful? To just be alive?”

I chuckle. I take her hand in mine, interlocking our fingers, and bring it up to my lips to give her a soft kiss. We stay like that for a moment, staring up into the bluest, cloudless sky.

Then, I roll up onto one elbow so that I’m hovering above her eye level. Blair’s wet beige skin is glistening under the sun. Her nipples are erect under her thin bikini.

She blushes as she realizes I’m staring at her. Suddenly we’re all shy again, like it’s the first time we’re about to see each other naked. Her free hand comes up to my face as my lips come down to meet her’s. She brushes her fingers through the thick beard I’ve been sporting since I started travelling as her mouth opens. I slip my tongue into her and she lets out a little moan.

I press my body on top of her’s. My tongue onto her’s. My groin into her’s. My fingers in between her’s. Her little shy moans become hungrier as our bodies re-familiarize with each other’s.

“I’ve thought about you a lot…” I say, in between kisses.

She giggles a little. “Oh yeah, what did you think about?”

“I thought about your smoking hot body…” I slip one hand in between her bikini top and roll her nipple between my thumb and my index finger. She cries out in pleasure, or maybe in a little pain? “I thought about doing unspeakable things to you…”

“Unspeakable, eh? Does that mean you’ll just have to show me?”

Instead of any verbal response, I take her other breast into my mouth, sucking and flicking at her nipple while pinching the other. She arches her back into me and lets out another cry.

Her hand moves down my torso and into my shorts. She finds me, already hard and ready. Her cool fingers wrap around me and squeeze a little and now it’s my turn to moan. My member throbs in her hand.

My mouth finds hers again as she touches me, varying her pace. My hand moves to her groin too, slipping in between her wet bikini and her cool skin, and into her slippery centre. I slide my fingers up and down, with her clit between them. Then left and right, over it. Then in little circles. Then repeat. Blair is panting now and neither of us are feeling shy anymore.

“Hunter,” she gasps, “fuck.” She rocks her hips into my fingers, almost as if begging me to enter her. Not yet.

I leave her embrace and get into the water. I pull her ass towards me and swiftly rip her bikini off. I take her nub into my mouth, flicking and sucking as I had done with her nipple. With one hand, I tease her opening with my thumb. I can feel her throbbing and squeezing, hungry for something to fill her up. With my other hand, I start playing with her nipples again.

“Ahhh, Hunter, please,” she’s pleading now, pushing her hips into my mouth. I chuckle, enjoying her begging, and knowing how much she wants me.

I finally give in and push two fingers into her. She screams a little and I feel her pussy tightening around my digits. Fuck, I wonder how it would feel around my cock.

I move my fingers inside of her, pressing against her g-spot while my tongue works her clit. She rocks her hips against me faster and faster, moaning and heaving and swearing. I pick up my pace too, faster and faster, until I feel her tell-tale squeezing around my fingers. She shudders, almost violently. “Fuck, Hunter, I’m cumming,” she screams as she grabs my hair and pushes my mouth into her, my fingers still deep inside of her tight, throbbing pussy and completely unable to move.

When I take my fingers out of her, she jumps into the water with me, completely naked now. She submerges herself again and takes off my shorts underwater. She jumps onto me, grabbing my neck with both arms and wraps her legs around me.

“I’ve been thinking about you a lot too.” She whispers into my neck.

“Oh yeah?”

My cock brushes against her pussy underwater and she moans again.

“I think about you when I touch myself. I fuck myself with my toys and imagine it’s you that’s filling me up inside.”

“Oh, Blair,” I groan. I’m holding onto her ass with one hand, and with the other, I guide myself into her slowly and all at once.

She moves her hips up and down against me, her warm slick pussy stroking and squeezing my shaft. I squeeze her ass with my hands, holding them both in my hands now that I’m inside of her.

Her nipples dip in and out of the water as she bounces on my rock hard cock. I bury my mouth in her neck again, breathing in the sweet smell I’ve missed. Then I fuck her, hard and fast, rocking her hips onto my cock.

We’re not talking anymore. We’re just a mess of wetness and moans and screams. She screams louder and louder until she cums for me again, wrapping her arms around my neck as her pussy squeezes my cock and I can’t take anymore either. I release myself into her, both of us throbbing against each other. “Fuck, Blair…”

We get out of the water and onto the huge outdoor patio bed. The sun has started setting and the once blue sky is a hue of purple-pink now. I pull Blair into my arms, giving her a light kiss on the forehead. She wraps her arms and legs around me and closes her eyes. We’re both spent.

“So where to next?”

“You tell me, love.”