51: This Is Love

Levi’s POV

My emotions are boiling up under my skin. I know she loves me; she says she loves me, but everything else she says is confusing as hell. Sitting here quiet on the blanket is not helping either, it’s making my anxiety worse.

“We should get back”, she says, lifting her head from my shoulder and standing herself up.

Leave it to my panicked mind to cause an excruciating spasm in my left leg when I try to stand. Charlotte sees me shift uncomfortably on the blanket, clenching my fists and wincing and brings herself back down beside me.

“I can’t get up”, I angrily groan.

She reaches for my leg, attempting to massage the pain away.

“Don’t!“, I say and move her hand away from me.

She does not say anything, she just remains by my side, watching me trying to fight through the pain.

“I’m sorry”, she softly says.

After I think that the spasms are over, I get myself to stand while Charlotte folds up the blanket. I reach to take her hand for our walk back, but another spasm sends shooting pains down my leg again. This time Charlotte grabs my arm and brings it around her shoulder and her other arm holds the back of my waist for support. I let her help me even though I don’t want her to have to hold me up while we walk.

Our walk back is slow and painful. We had to stop when my next spasm got so bad that I pulled her to face me and put my forehead down on to her head while her arms clutched tightly around my back.

“Levi, breathe”, she says while rubbing my back. “I am right here with you”, she softly adds.

I cling to her warmth, her touch, and maybe that is all I needed for her to do and say to make everything better.

My spasms disappeared by the time we reached the jeep. She instructed me to the passenger side so she could drive. There was no argument about it, only a feeling of shame.

Our drive back was strange. I felt comfort in the fact that Charlotte held my hand the entire ride, but my mind thought I was on a racetrack.

I broke the silence first.

“I am happy staying here with you. I realized my life wasn’t always what it was cracked up to be until I met you. Nothing was real, not my fiancé, not my job. I will not be happy there”.

“You don’t know that you won’t be happy until you go and try”, she says, squeezing my hand.

She is acting so unusual. All I want is for her to tell me to stay. I feel my eyes well up. I can’t be mad at her, I love her.

She parks the jeep at her apartment and makes her way to my side of the car to try and help me.

“No, I am fine now, thanks”, I lie.

I’ve been having very mild but continuous spasms for the last half of the drive here, but I’m not going to let her notice, so I get myself out of the jeep and slowly walk behind her to the apartment.

“I’m going to take a shower”, I grunt once we get inside.

Standing in the hot shower, allowing the water to massage my neck, and back is relaxing. I lean my head back on the shower wall while the water flows down my face and try to clear all uneasiness from my mind. I focus on the good from today. Walking with my beautiful girl by my side, treading along the rocks, holding her hand. Visions of her angelic face flood my mind. Just when I feel some peacefulness, my left leg gives out from under me and I slip down to the shower floor.

“Shit!“, I yell out.

I reach for the shower chair and pull myself onto it seconds before Charlotte frantically bursts through the bathroom door.

“Are you alright?“, she searches all around.

I remain sitting on the shower chair, my head in my hands sulking.

“I’m fine”, I mutter back.

My head must have rested in my hands for longer than I thought, because I only lifted my head up when I felt Charlotte’s hands pull mine away from my face. Were my eyes deceiving me? Is this my love, my rock, my protector standing naked in front of me, showing me once again that I am not alone?

When my eyes met hers, I didn’t see stars, I saw galaxies. When she held my face in her hands, it felt like she was untying all my knots, and when she grazed my bottom lip with her fingers before capturing my lips with hers, it made the whole world stop.

She climbed onto my lap, her smooth thighs around mine while placing her familiar arms around my back, her fingers tickling down my spine. She has captivated my mind, and my body presses closer into hers until there is no space left between us. We kiss slowly at first and then passionately, letting the hot water pour over our bodies. When she reaches down and guides me into her, an intoxicating feeling causes my body to shiver in absolute pleasure and ecstasy. It is love that we make, a love that makes me so complete, I can’t bear to lose it.

I close my eyes, my body shaking from giving ourselves to each other. I feel her run her fingers through my hair and tenderly kiss my lips again.

“I love you”, she purrs into my ear and brushes her lips near the crook of my neck.

I fold her back into my arms and we are locked in an embrace till the water ran cold.

“Can you stand and walk?“, she asks concerned.

I kiss her one last time and affirm with a smile, “Yes, I can, our shower sessions always make everything better”.

Realizing after hearing our stomach’s growl that we haven’t eaten dinner yet, we change into some lounge clothes and head to the kitchen to make something to eat.

I help her in the kitchen, which is something I have come to enjoy now with my newfound walking skills, plus I like being the one to help Charlotte too. We gulped down our food in no time then planted ourselves onto the couch.

She snuggled her body next to mine while we lay together with my back leaning up against the cushions.

Holding her in my arms is what keeps me sane. She has my heart, a part of me that I will never again give to anyone else. I comb my fingers through her damp hair and glide my thumb down the warm skin of her cheek.

I will give it a try. I will go back to England and give this new acting job a go if that will make everyone happy. I know things will be different for a little while, which makes me hesitant and scared. Charlotte believes I might find happiness, but she is the reason I have already found it. I may be all the way across the Atlantic, but my heart will always remain here with her.

52: Elephant In The Room

Charlotte’s POV

“Charlie! Are you feeling alright? You look like you have not slept in days! I am concerned.”, Nate caringly points out.

“I haven’t been sleeping well”, I admit.

“My follow-up scans are today, and I’m worried about the results.”

“Do you want me to come with you for support? I know you would rather have Levi there, but since you have not told him or anyone else about what has been going on with you, I think maybe you need me!”, Nate professes his concern to me.

“I will have Sarah keep Levi occupied with some extra stair climbing while we sneak away for your appointment”, he tries to convince me.

I find myself nervously pacing around my office. “I don’t know”, I say to him.

“Charlie, you have gone through this alone long enough, I am coming!”, Nate says sternly. “And I am driving you, now let’s go”, he adds before taking my arm and leading me out the door, unnoticed by anyone else.

I’m happy I have Nate here with me, he has become my best friend and I don’t know what I would do without him around. My guilt is tearing up my heart though, it’s Levi who should really be here supporting me. My lack of energy doesn’t only come from the treatments I’ve been hiding, it’s more the bitter fatigue of self-reproach and the anticipation of the regret I will have when Levi finds out what I’ve been keeping from him.

Two weeks have passed since our day together at World’s End park. My emotions have been out of control all week, knowing that Levi’s graduation party is tomorrow and after the weekend, he will be flying back to London. Neither Levi or I want him to go, but we have talked about it in length over the last week, and we both have come to realize that he needs to go.

What concerns me the most is the amount of uncontrolled leg spasms Levi has been having during the last two weeks. They are not too intense or painful lately, but they are there. They happen mostly in his left lower leg, where his calf and ankle muscles have yet to return to normal. He has regained enough strength and muscle tone so that he can walk and climb stairs on his own, but when he is tired or anxious about something, that’s when the spasms return. I had a new brace made for him a few days ago. The brace reaches higher up his calf, but it seems to be helping with his gait and gives him more support when using the stairs without a crutch. Levi has done exceptionally well during this program, considering this brace is the only assist he needs after such a traumatic injury.

“We are ready for you Charlotte”, the nurse breaks my train of thought.

Nate and I have been silently sitting in the hospital waiting room.

“I will be right here waiting for you”, Nate says.

After my scans, I grabbed Nate and allowed him to accompany me into the doctor’s office to hear the results. Having a friend with me was comforting I must admit. The doctor explained that my treatments were working, but there has not been enough improvement for me to stop. Starting next week, my treatment increases to five days a week for the next four weeks, and then surgery. Nate squeezes my hand assuring me that he will help in whatever way he can. I thank him with a nod, and we head outside to his car. The drive back is so quiet, one can hear a pin drop. Nate is worried for me I can see it on his face. Neither of us want to speak about the obvious.

“Thank you for coming with me today”, I smile at him.

“I am here whenever you need me”, his smile wary.

“Thank goodness we have a busy night and day tomorrow planning the graduation party, I need a good distraction”, I say.

When we return to the rehab center, I found Levi working in the gym with Sarah. She was having Levi stretch on the mat. Levi turns towards me and instantly beams when he catches me staring at him. I can’t help staring, even now. He’s more handsome to me every day. His dotting bright eyes, beautiful face, and perfect body, I will never get enough of him. He doesn’t mind my gawking either, I think it boosts his manly ego. There is so little time left for me to be able to lay my eyes on him before he leaves.

Levi catches my frown from just thinking of him leaving and raises his hand out to me.

“Come here Love”, he says.

I walk over to the mat where Levi and Sarah are sitting. Levi grabs my hand and pulls me down to kiss me.

“Thank you for working with Levi”, I say to Sarah.

“No problem! I will catch up with you guys later”, Sarah replies.

Levi is still holding my hand as I move in front of him and sit on the mat with my legs crossed. I can see that he has been working hard this morning from the amount of sweat showing through his shirt. He’s been around me long enough for me to know when he is trying to hide his pain behind his smile. I know he’s tired and sore from his workout and the stairs take a toll on his muscles.

He has not had any spasms in the last two days and I suddenly have an overwhelming feeling of needing to protect him from having any at all. I reach for his lower left leg and grasp just under his knee and his heel, resting his leg on my lap. Levi quietly looks at me with appreciation for what I am doing. I remove his leg brace then start gently massaging his calf muscle. I notice his lips begin to curve upwards and his gaze on me sincere as a feeling of relief takes over him.

I massage his calf muscle a few minutes longer, pressing into and making circular strokes around his tight muscles before moving onto his ankle and then his foot.

“Does this help?”, I ask him.

“Yes Love, thank you!”, he softly confirms.

“Good! I have been really worried about you, I don’t like when you have those painful spasms, and I am worried about you having any more when you are back home”, my voice cracking with anxiety.

He reaches for both of my hands and holds them in his, tracing hearts with his thumb on my palms.

“The new brace is working, and you have helped me too, I will be fine, no need to worry about me”, his voice is soft and full of gratitude.

I know there is more he wants to say. There is more we both want to say, yet we are either afraid to say it or we are just trying to avoid talking about the inevitable. It consumes our every moment together, the elephant in the room that neither of us want to acknowledge. He is leaving to pursue his dreams and I do not want him to feel bad about it at all.

I look up and peer into his troubled blue-green eyes and can almost feel his trembling heart.

“I love you! You know I love you, right? I don’t want you to feel like I am forcing you to leave because you think I don’t love you”, I slowly and genuinely say to him.

“I know my love, I just don’t like knowing we will be apart, even if it is for a short time”, he quietly responds.

“How about we spend this weekend enjoying your party, hanging out with your friends and family, and spending our time together having fun!”, I smile.

“Brilliant!”, he smiles back at me.

I gently pull my hands away from his and attach his brace back onto his leg. He puts his sneakers back on and I stand up beside him, reaching my hand down to him so that he can grab it.

“Come on, we have a lot of work to do to make this party of yours a spectacular one”, I smirk.

“Plus, everyone is flying in tonight, so we have plenty to prepare for”, he adds.

Levi grips my hand as he stands himself up. He squints his eyes as soon as he shifts his weight onto his left foot, but whatever pain he felt quickly resolved.

“Levi, are you okay?”

He pulls me into his side and kisses my temple but doesn’t answer me, he only smiles and squeezes my hand while we walk together out of the gym. Levi looks relaxed now so I will not pressure him any further, he’s not going to admit anything even if I ask. We have just agreed to have fun this weekend. The conspicuous elephant will have to remain camouflaged for now.

53: Graduation Weekend

Levi’s POV

Charlotte and I pick up my parents at the airport first. Their flight arrived early afternoon, so we had time to pick them up and get them settled at their hotel before the lads arrived.

My parents have seen me walk on skype, but they have yet to see me walking in person. I’m sure my mum has been driving my dad crazy with the anticipation.

We parked the car so we could surprise my parents inside the airport when they get off the plane. I am just as excited to show them as they are, I think.

“You are shaking! Are you alright?” Charlotte asks me as we are standing hand in hand in the baggage claim area.

I realize that my hand has been fidgeting in Charlottes, but I hadn’t noticed my body shaking.

“I’m sorry, I’m a bit nervous, although I don’t know why, and I am excited”, I confess.

“You know your parents will be so happy when they see you! Your mum will probably start crying and throw her arms around you from being so happy!” Charlotte smirks.

“Probably”, I shrug my shoulders.

“I mean, it is what I do when I see you walking and climbing the stairs, pretty much every other accomplishment as well”, she smiles at me.

“For a mother to see her son, a walking miracle! She is going to fall apart!”, she playfully nudges her shoulder into me.

I squeeze her hand and give her a peck on the cheek. She removes her hand from mine and brings it to my back and slowly brushes her palm up and down the back of my shirt. Her gesture is comforting, and my body is now relaxed while we stand in the crowded baggage claim waiting for my parents.

Moments later we hear an older woman shrieking my name in a British accent and look over to see my mum barreling towards me, my dad trying to keep up behind her. Charlotte was right! Here comes my mum, arms already open towards me.

“Oh son! I can’t believe it!”, my mum wraps her arms around my neck.

She lets go of me for a second but keeps a hold of my arms while she looks over me. “Look at you! I am so happy son!”, she is crying now and hugging me again.

Charlotte winks and smiles at me and I can’t help but chuckle.

“Hey son! You look great!”, my dad finally catches up to us and offers me his hand to shake.

My dad grabs the bags from the luggage belt, and we all walk to where we parked the car. My mum locks her elbow with mine as I escort her to the parking lot. She keeps looking over at me while we walk, studying my every move like she still can’t believe that I can walk now.

“You’re limping?”, she looks at me worried.

“I’m alright mum, it’s not from pain”, I say while lifting my left leg pant enough to show her my brace.

“This is just how I walk with my brace; Charlotte has been helping me correct my gait as much as I can, but I might always have a slight limp”, I try and reassure my mum.

“Oh”, Is all she replies. Her face turns sad for me, it’s probably how a mother feels when she thinks there is something wrong with her son.

Charlotte is the only person who doesn’t look at me with pity, she doesn’t see me as disabled like everyone else does. I mean, I do have a disability, I can’t walk on my own without this brace, I can no longer run or jump either, but that doesn’t stop Charlotte from making me try. That is one thing I love about Charlotte, she doesn’t treat me like a cripple, she treats me like a person who needs a little help to overcome a few obstacles. She sees my leg brace as something that helps me, not something that labels me as having a disability. I know the way Charlotte views me will not be the way others view me back home and that scares me.

We decide to have dinner at a nice little Italian restaurant on the North End called Dolce Vita. The owner is a nice and very loud Italian guy who cheerfully greets us all at the door and personally shows us to our table. The staff is friendly, and the food is amazing. The owner even took time to check on his customers and thanked them by singing a song along with his accordion., my mum really enjoyed that.

I was dreading having to walk up the stairs to get to the loo, but after the wine I drank, I couldn’t avoid it any longer. Charlotte had to go too, so she held my hand as we slowly made our way up the steps. I could see my mum and dad focus their attention on us, studying the way I only step up with one leg and one step at a time. This bothers me, the way everyone watches me tackle the stairs, I already feel self-conscience as it is, now my parents are probably looking at me with the same feeling. Charlotte squeezes my hand and smiles at me, reminding me that she is by my side, and reassuring me, like she can read my thoughts. The way back down was just as uncomfortable, the way I would catch my mum pretending not to stare at me.

We had left the car at rehab and walked here, so my mum linked her arm with mine again as we walked back. Whenever we walked over uneven ground, my mum would hang onto my arm a little tighter, as if she were trying to hold me up.

“I am not going to fall mum, I know I may not look perfect when I’m walking or going up the stairs, but you don’t have to worry about me”, I give her an appreciative kiss on her head.

“A mother always worries, son!”, she tells me.

Charlotte and I walk my parents to their hotel which is a block away from the rehab center. The lads should be arriving to this same hotel in another hour, so we all sit on the couches in the lobby area having a chat while we wait for them.

It’s not long before we hear the loud banter of Josh and Landon as they push their way through the lobby door, Mark and Andy following behind.

“Levi!”, Landon shouts loud enough for the entire hotel to hear.

My parents were knackered, so they retired to their room early while the rest of us had a few drinks in the hotel bar. Charlotte did not drink at all though and looked to be as tired as my parents were.

“Why don’t you stay here tonight with the guys?”, Charlotte’s request catches me off guard.

“No! I am spending my last two nights here with you”, I tell her.

“We can leave now, get some sleep before the big party tomorrow”, I lean down and give her a kiss, convincing her that it’s alright.

We get back to Charlotte’s place and she is fast asleep by the time I’m finished brushing my teeth. I slide myself under the covers and curl myself around her warm body. I softly kiss her smooth cheek and whisper, “Good night my Love”, before I swiftly drift to sleep too.

The lads are already causing a ruckus when we arrive back at rehab the next morning. My parents are drinking coffee and chatting with Sarah.

“Let’s get this party started!”, Josh shouts and makes everyone around him laugh.

Apparently, my two-hour planned party has turned into an all-day affair. All the other patients seem to enjoy that idea as well. We had food and desserts delivered at every hour, it was ridiculous how much everyone ate.

“Time for the best part!“, Sarah boasts.

Everyone gathers in the lounge for Sarah’s special presentation. Sarah has worked ridiculously hard trying to create the perfect video of my time here. I don’t know when she had the time to capture all the pictures and small video clips of me over the past year. To be honest, I am apprehensive about watching it. I have been through so much in the last twelve months, most things I would like to forget, and most things I will cherish.

Sarah instructs me to sit front and center, in the middle of the big couch with my parents and friends on either side. I have no idea where Charlotte and Landon ran off to an hour ago, but I want them here with me to watch this.

Sarah starts the video, and everyone watches intently during the first part. This first part brings up bad memories of when I could barely move, when I first moved my arms, when I first drank from a cup on my own, the first time I attempted to sit up and needed Charlotte to calm me down from my panic attack. My mum is crying and clenching on to my arm, my dad now has his hand on my shoulder, and for once, the lads are silent. They didn’t get to see this part; this is the time when I tried to shut them out and kept them from seeing me in this state. I looked around at them, their eyes wide and mouths hung open in disbelief. Josh and Andy had real tears forming in their eyes, and I too felt the tears in mine.

Soon, the music changed, and the video lightened up. It went on showing my first time standing, first steps in the pool and first steps using the parallel bars. Everyone was smiling now and clapping at times. All of the sudden I feel Charlotte standing behind me, she leans down and wraps her arms around the front of me, bringing her face close to my ear and whispers, “Do you know how inspiring you are to everyone here? I am so proud of you”, then she kisses my cheek.

I don’t know where she just came from, but I am not letting her go. She can keep her arms wrapped around my neck with her face so close to mine. I need her close, she is the reason I am able to walk again.

Sarah threw in a few funny pictures of the lads fooling around in the wheelchairs and bantering with me in the gym. Everyone had a good laugh. When the final clips showing me walking on my own and my mates yelling for me on the streaming video came to view, everyone stood up and started cheering along with the TV screen.

The very last scene was of me and Charlotte walking up the staircase together, hand in hand. Charlotte catches the lone tear that has escaped my eye and I turn to her and kiss her lips.

“I know I don’t need your help all the time now, but I will miss your help, I will miss you always holding my hand, I will miss you Charlotte!“, I softly say into her ear and kiss her again.

54: Missing Him

Charlotte’s POV

It has been strange not having Levi here. Two weeks have gone by already and even though I am busy throughout the day and my treatments at the hospital have increased, I still feel empty inside.

Before meeting Levi, I thought I was happy, that my life was fulfilled. I didn’t mind not being in a relationship at the time because I had so many other things to do.

But Levi showed me there is more to life than just my work. He helped me realize I was missing one of the most important things in life…love.

I have never had this type of intimate connection before, someone to love me and accept all that I am, someone to share my free time with, laugh with, cry with. I miss him.

There is a piece of my heart missing now and I find myself just going through the motions of living and it is lonely.

Nate notices it too. Not only am I sick again from having radiation every day now, but I’m also exhausted and can’t keep up with the demands of my work.

I ended up having to hire another fulltime therapist so that she can take over for me and I can focus on only the paperwork and running the facility. Nate has demanded that I do no more patient therapy until I am feeling better.

Nate also has convinced me to tell my parents about my situation. Of course, they flew here right away and were not only terribly angry at me for not telling them in the first place, but they also became immensely helpful to me.

My mom has been keeping my apartment tidy and cooking all the meals and my dad has kept occupied with fixing whatever he finds broken around here. They also sit with me during my treatments, which is comforting for me. Them being here by my side makes me feel guilty as well. I’m wishing it were Levi here helping me through this, but I am the one who pushed him to go back to England. He is going to be upset with me when I finally break the news to him, maybe he won’t talk to me or even want me anymore. I am hurting him by not telling him, but I’m helping him at the same time, I hope. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. Either I keep this secret for as long as possible so he can enjoy life back home and finish this new acting role he has or spill the beans. Either way, it may be too late at this point, and I will probably end up by myself the rest of my life.

Levi and I have spoken on the phone almost every day. The six-hour time difference has made it difficult for us. Between his acting job and my job here, as well as my grueling treatments, finding the right hour during the day to chat has been a challenge. I have found a few moments here and there to speak with Landon though.

Landon found out that I was sick when he was here for Levi’s graduation party. I did not tell him the extent of my struggles; all he knows is that I have been ill, and I didn’t want to worry Levi with my problems or make him lose focus on his goals. Landon seems to understand where I am coming from, but he also feels guilty about hiding something from his friend. Andy moved out of Levi’s flat to live with his new girlfriend, so Landon decided to move in with Levi so he can keep an eye on him and help him out. It makes me happy knowing Levi has a friend living with him, he won’t feel lonely that way. Plus, Landon fills me in on how Levi is really doing back home.

I feel bad calling Levi at this hour of the night in London, but I need to talk with him before my two-week stay at the hospital that is happening day after tomorrow. I’m scheduled for surgery in two weeks and my doctor has scheduled extensive treatments for me prior and says it’s a good idea for me to stay there during this treatment phase. I will be sick and exhausted, I will not be able to work, and I even might lose some of my hair from this, which I am not looking forward to at all.

“Hey Love!“, Levi answers his phone, his voice groggy. I probably woke him up seeing as it is two in the morning over in London.

“Hi! I’m sorry I’m calling so late!“, I apologize.

“Don’t worry Love, how was your day? You sound tired”, he says.

“I have just been busy and have a lot on my mind. Enough about me, how was therapy today? How was your second week on the new set?” I divert the conversation to him.

“Therapy is fine, we have worked out a six in the morning time slot for me, it works better than after a long day on the set.“, his voice more pronounced now.

“Oh good, and how about the movie, how is it coming along?“, I ask again.

He pauses for a moment before answering which makes me think there is something, he is trying not to tell me. Lately, he hasn’t wanted to talk about his new movie.

“Levi, what is it?“, I press.

“It’s only a supporting actor role they gave me, nothing special, it is going fine”, he sighs.

“That sigh doesn’t tell me it’s going fine”, I point out.

“I knew it would be like this, I knew everyone would treat me different. My co-star Emily spotted my leg brace the other day and ever since, she looks at me like she needs to be careful around me. This morning she witnessed me go up the stairs and she grabbed my arm like she needed to help me”, Levi says to me with defeat clear in his tone.

“Levi, it sounds like she is trying to be nice. Maybe she was just caught off guard. I mean you are unavoidably attractive and a great actor, maybe she was surprised at how well you are able to move about on your own”, I try and lighten his mood.

“I don’t know about that, only you and Landon treat me like a normal person. Mark even treats me like I need special treatment, that is probably why he keeps trying to find me small roles to play”, he says.

“Sounds like they just care about you Levi”.

“God, I miss you Charlotte!”

“I miss you too Levi”.

“Please keep calling no matter what time it is over here, I need to hear your voice”, he pleads into the phone.

“I love you Levi, I am proud of you for making a go at this and for sticking to your daily physical therapy!“, I encourage him the best I can from all the way across the Atlantic.

“I love you Charlotte”, he says before I hang up on him.

It bothers me that Levi is struggling back home, trying to get adjusted. He hates the fact that he still needs to wear a brace and he thinks that people will only see his limp and not see him. I know this is hard for him, he is known all over the world because of his job and has camera people following his every move, waiting to judge him. I wish I could be there to help him through this. Good thing he has Landon, I think to myself.

The following week had been hell for me. I have received a triple dose of medication to prepare me for the best possible outcome during surgery. If I was not sleeping from sheer exhaustion, I was in the bathroom emptying my insides into the toilet. I had only managed to phone Levi once that week. I’m sure I sounded awful when I spoke, he’s sure to believe there is something wrong with me now. I do send him text messages every day to make up for the lack of him hearing my actual voice and I hope that is good enough for now.

This current week has not been any better for me. I’ve been just as sick and tired; I can barely move my limbs. I feel like I have the never-ending flu. My parents have visited every day and Nate has come by every other day to fill me in on everything going on at the rehab center. I tried calling Levi this morning, but he didn’t answer. I got a hold of Landon though. Our conversation was not what I expected.

“Charlotte, I am worried about Levi, he is not in a good way this week!“, Landon says.

“What do you mean?“, I ask him.

“Last week he looked depressed and this week he looks in pain! He is constantly rubbing his left leg and has been using his crutch this week, so I know his leg is bothering him, he also skipped his physical therapy sessions the last few days! He misses you Charlotte! Why haven’t you called him?“, Landon hysterically informs me.

Shit! the spasms are back. This is my fault, he is worried, I have only been texting him. I need to at least tell Landon what is really going on, maybe he can help Levi without actually telling him about me.

“Landon, I am having surgery on Thursday morning to remove a brain tumor, I have been in the hospital the last two weeks preparing for the surgery”.

“What?“, Landon blurts out.

Landon continues to yell at me through the phone, “Charlotte, you need to tell Levi, he should know! You could die!“, Landon exaggerates that last part.

Before I could respond back, I hear Levi shout something in the background and the line goes dead. I lay back down against my pillow on the hospital bed, my hand shaking as I try to place my cell phone on the nightstand next to me. What did I do? Landon is right, I should have told Levi. He is back at home and in pain because of me, he is going to hate me now. I have never felt so afraid and so alone.

55: Missing Her

Levi’s POV

“Levi, try that part again, this time get up from the stool, walk slowly over to Emily and reach for her hand as you say your lines”, the director instructs me.

I move to stand up from the stool and quickly adjust my pant leg to cover my brace. Emily catches me and she gapes wide-eyed at my left leg brace, then gives me the uncomfortable pity look. I glare at her with slanted eyes and she clears her throat before fixing her posture and looks away from me.

Great! this is all I need I think to myself. Emily is the leading actress in this particular movie, and I am only in a few scenes. Mark thought it best that I slowly get back into bigger roles, to prove to the producers that I’m capable, I guess.

I follow the director’s previous instructions and get the scene done to his satisfaction. Emily gives me that questioning look, like why am I wearing a leg brace kind of look. I do my best to ignore her, but she decided to follow me up the stairs to the dressing rooms.

“Do you need some help?” Emily asks and grabs my free arm while I make my way up the stairs, one step at a time.

I shake her hand away, trying not to be mean, but I am annoyed at the way she is acting towards me after catching sight of my disabilities. She didn’t treat me this way the first two weeks, so why all the sudden?

“I don’t need any help, this is how I walk up the stairs”, I blankly tell her.

“Oh”, is all she responds in a shy tone.

I sigh loudly. If this can’t get any worse! Where is Charlotte when I need her? Oh right, thousands of miles away because I decided to let her talk me into coming back here so I can pretend everything is back to normal, when in reality, everyone here is treating me like a cripple. Everyone except Landon that is. Great! Here comes Mark walking towards me, probably going to ask if I need any help.

“Hey mate! Everything go alright today? Do you need anything? You look like you are limping more!“, Mark says to me.

I am beyond irritated at this moment. No, everything is not alright, I have been having leg spasms all day, Emily is treating me different, and Charlotte hasn’t spoken to me over the phone in a while…Is how I really want to answer Mark.

Instead, I only reply with, “Yes, everything is fine, no need to worry about me”.

“Good! I will see you tomorrow then! Not much left here, you are just about done with your scenes”, Mark states before leaving.

I’m happy to be done with this small role, this is a better time than any to go home and lock myself in my room for a while. I need to call Charlotte! I miss her voice I miss everything about her.

The following days were not what I expected. Landon tried to keep me occupied, but the only person I wanted to see and hear from was Charlotte. She hasn’t answered my calls in days, only a few brief text messages have been exchanged and I was worried. Worried she didn’t want me anymore; worried she no longer loves me.

I can barely walk on my left leg; the spasms are frequent and cause me so much pain. I had to resort to using a crutch to help me get around. Skipping PT was probably a bad idea, but I didn’t care at the time. Landon is concerned for me and keeps pushing me to see the therapist here, but I ignore him as well.

Today seems to be the worst day for me so far, pain wise. I can’t stand to be in my room any longer, so hiding out on the balcony feels like a better idea. Landon hasn’t figured out I’m out here yet, he probably thinks I finally left the flat, which is fine for him to think. Sitting out here in the fresh air helps, it’s peaceful out here listening to the birds and the small amount of traffic in the distance.

“What!” I hear Landon shout at someone from inside.

I open the balcony door and slowly head inside to see what the commotion is all about. Landon continues to yell at someone over the phone.

“Charlotte! you need to tell him! You could die!“, I hear him shout.

Both Landon and I freeze in place and stare at each other, eyes wide, mouths almost dropping to the floor. Was he really just talking to Charlotte? And why did he say she could die?

It takes me a moment to secure my thoughts before I walk right up to Landon and grab his cell phone from his hand. He doesn’t put up a fight, he lets me take his phone. There is no one on the line, but Charlotte’s name appears on the screen. He was just shouting at Charlotte.

My jaw clenches and my hands ball up into fists at my side. “Why were you yelling at Charlotte? Why were you even talking to her? And what about going to die?“, I angrily question him.

Landon puts his head down; he is visibly shaking. Good, he should be scared I think in my head.

“She is sick Levi, she has been sick for a few months”, he nervously tells me.

“What do you mean Landon?“, I ask him with an angrier tone.

“She has a brain tumor, she is having surgery to try and remove it on Thursday”, he blurts out.

I am not sure what came over me at that moment. Rage, fear, hurt were only a few of the things I was feeling when I lunged at Landon, grabbing him by his shirt collar and throwing him against the wall.

“And you didn’t think to tell me that the love of my life could be dying of a brain tumor!“, I scream at him.

” I’m sorry, I didn’t know how bad it was until now on the phone, I only knew she was sick, and she didn’t want you to know… she didn’tt want for you to worry about her, she wanted you to succeed, to walk, to climb stairs, to be able to go back to acting again!“, Landon yells back at me.

I let go of him and fall back onto the couch. We both stay silent for a while, neither of us knowing what to say. Landon not sure of himself, takes a seat onto the couch next to me.

My face is hiding behind my hands. I feel so stupid. How did I not realize that she was sick for the past few months! No wonder why she was always tired, and her so called flu was not really the flu or food poisoning for that matter. Her headaches too, that was a sign to worry but she convinced me she only needed glasses.

“Why did she tell you and not me?“, I finally ask Landon the real question that bothers me the most.

“Did she not trust me? Does she not love me enough to want me to be there for her? Did she convince me to come back home because I was a burden on her?” I ask him, mostly just rambling every thought that crosses my mind.

“Don’t be daft! It is because she loves you so much that she only cares about making sure you are better. She only told me because she figured through me, she could keep tabs on you, she is always making sure you are ok Levi”.

“What kind of a person am I? I let her spend all of her time helping me to walk and everything else while she has been sick and tired, and probably in pain!“, I ask Landon who notices the tears forming in my eyes.

“I am angry!“, I add.

Knowing full well that I’m angrier with myself for being so naive than I am with Charlotte. I’m upset that she didn’t want me to help her through this. She is the most selfless person I know, sacrificing her sickness and pain so she could help me.

“You can’t be too angry with yourself you had no way of knowing; she was exceptionally good at hiding it. And you can’t be too mad at Charlotte, this is the way she wanted it”, Landon tells me.

“That is exactly why I am upset!“, I retort.

“Levi don’t you see? This girl has unconditional love for you! I have never seen that kind of love before and you have been lucky enough to experience that love firsthand!“.

” You need to get your ass on a plane right now and go see that girl before her surgery”, Landon states after I didn’t respond to his last statement.

“She doesn’t want me there, she has made that clear”, I groan.

“Now you are really being a wanker! She needs you as much as you need her, whether or not either of you admit to it, now go!“, Landon points to the door.

As much as I feel like a twit for having no clue as to what was going on with Charlotte, Landon is right, I need to see her. I need to be there for her like she has always been for me, even if she doesn’t want me there. I can’t let anything happen to her. This surgery she is having scares the hell out of me, I might lose her!

56: Road Home

Levi’s POV

“Levi, sweetheart! Are you sure about this?” my mum asks me.

“Yes, mum, I have never been so sure of anything in my entire life”, I answer her.

I booked the first flight I could find to Boston. There was just one stop I needed to make first, I needed to see my mum, she had something with her that I needed before I left England.

The flight from Heathrow to Boston felt like it took centuries. My nerves made my leg spasms return and there wasn’t enough leg room between these seats for me to stretch or massage my leg.

I asked the flight attendant for a drink because it was the only thing that might calm me down. I’m anxious to see her, anxious to know how she feels, scared that she will be upset with me for coming. Maybe she really doesn’t want to see me? I can’t stop thinking about her surgery and all the risks involved. I should not have left; I should have known about this and been with her this whole time. I am so stupid! I’m never leaving her again!

She is going to be so disappointed when she sees me using my crutch, why did I skip PT? What is wrong with me? This plane needs to fly faster.

I sucked down two drinks before closing my eyes so I can try to take a nap before I freak out on this airplane.

Finally, my plane lands in Boston and I catch an Uber to the hospital Nate told me she is staying at.

I hate the smell and feel of hospitals. I don’t have any good memories about being in a hospital. The front lobby directs me to Charlotte’s room. She is on the fifth floor, room 514.

My head is spinning, and I feel as though I might faint. Worry is overwhelming me. I feel sick to my stomach knowing how sick Charlotte has been. I lean against the corner of the elevator in case I have the urge to collapse. I need her to be okay, I need her to be safe, and I need her to make it through the surgery.

The fifth floor looks like any other hospital wing. Plain walls, cold air, nurses, and machines everywhere. I am shaking uncontrollably on the inside; I’m so nervous to find out what will happen when I enter room 514. It’s a good thing I brought my crutch because I can’t control what my body is doing at the moment.

Her door is slightly open, so I slowly push it open a little more until I see her tiny body wrapped in covers, lying on the bed. She is facing the opposite way from me, thank goodness. She is wearing a pink beanie on her head covering her hair.

I walk into her room, my body still shaking, and she turns her head around to face me when she hears my crutch touch the floor.

“Levi! What are you doing here?“, her voice squeaks.

“I… I am here for you, my Love”, I stutter.

I’m stuck, standing near her door looking at her, waiting for her to get mad at me or something. I did not expect her to sit up and reach her arms out for me. I’m awestruck and my body doesn’t know how to move from this spot.

“It’s ok Levi! Come here!“, she says to me.

I lean my crutch against the wall and limp over to her. Her eyes look sad as she examines me. I reach her arms and she grasps hold of my hands with hers, pulling me to stand right in front of her.

” I’m sorry”, I look down and tell her.

She’s not yelling at me or scolding me for the way I am limping or upset that I came here unannounced. She feels me shaking of course and squeezes my hands in hers to calm me like she always has.

“I am sorry too Levi, I should have told you, I just was so excited for you and all of your accomplishments, I didn’t want you to worry about me”, she confesses.

Her skin is pale in color and cool to the touch, she doesn’t have her usual warm feeling. She has lost weight too, not like she ever had to, she was always so fit, now she looks tired and sick.

“I would have been here for you Charlotte, I would not have left, I will always be here for you”, I cup her face with my hands and rub my thumbs across her cheeks.

“I know, that’s why I talked you into going back, so you could be happy, so you could be home”, she says.

” I may have thought I had everything and that I was happy before my accident, but I was wrong. Only after meeting you did I realize I wasn’t truly happy there. England may be where I am from, but with you Charlotte is where I belong”, I pour my soul out to her and kiss her softly on her cool lips.

She slides over on the bed and motions for me to sit down next to her.

“You’ve been having terrible leg spasms, again haven’t you?“, she asks me, but I just look towards the floor not answering her.

I am here for her, not so she can ignore her own problems to try and comfort me, so I will ignore my pain the best I can for now.

” I am fine Charlotte, I’m not here so you can worry about me”, I mutter.

“Please lay down with me?“, she asks softly, and moves her fragile looking body towards the side of the bed to make room for me. I kick off my shoes and brace and climb in next to her. She takes my arms and wraps them around her body and intertwines her legs with mine. God, how I have missed snuggling with her.

I hold onto her tight, too scared to ever let her go again.

“Please tell me about your surgery you’re having in the morning?“, I nervously ask her.

“Well, the extensive treatments I’ve had over the last two weeks has shrunk my tumor enough that the surgeon feels he can remove it all”, she explains.

“So, you will be fine after? What are the risks?“, I didn’t want to ask but I need to know.

” I hope I will be fine after”, she chuckles a bit.

“And every surgery has risks, but seeing as though this is my brain, there are lots of risks like stroke, or bleeding, or …”

“You might not make it”, I choke out, finishing her sentence for her.

“Or I might not make it through”, she sadly confirms.

I can feel my tears escaping and wrap my arms tighter around her.

“I am such an idiot, I should have realized what was going on, I should have been here for you”, I whisper while I bury my tear-stained face into her neck.

Charlotte releases my arms from her body so she can turn around to face me. We are both lying on our sides face to face. She brings her hand up and runs her fingers through my hair then wipes my tears away with her thumb.

” I have missed your handsome face and those mesmerizing eyes of yours”, she says, trying to cheer me up, but instead more tears start to flow.

” I don’t want to lose you Charlotte, ever!“, I tell her.

” You won’t lose me Levi, I promise! I love you!“, she says to me and presses her lips to mine.

That is all I needed to hear for me to do what I needed to do next.

“This is not what I had envisioned, but here we are”, I smile.

I climb off her bed and stand up mostly onto my right leg while pulling her up so she can sit on the bed in front of me. She gives me a puzzled look and I probably will not be able to get up again once I kneel, but I give it a go. I get down on one knee in front of her and pull out a small white box from my pocket and place it in her hand.

I am shaking again and begin to speak, “The day I met you, the day you walked into my room when I thought I had lost everything, there was something there between us. I didn’t know it was love then, but you never left my side, you pulled me out of the darkness and gave me hope. Falling in love was not part of the plan, but when you held my hand, I knew I belonged and that I was loved. It only took one look into your beautiful eyes to know that I was home, one gentle kiss from your soft lips to wash all my sorrows away. You have my whole heart Charlotte. I would give up anything in the world for you and would do anything to keep you safe. I love you”.

Phew! I am glad I did not mess up that mouthful. I am still shaking though, hoping she feels the same way I do. She looks at the small box then looks up at me and slowly opens it. Tears now flowing from her eyes.

“Will you be my wife and let me love you for the rest of my life, Charlotte Thomas?“, I ask her.

She takes the diamond ring out of the box and feels it with her fingers. Silence takes over the room as she beams at the ring.

” The ring is beautiful, elegant and different! Where did you get it?“, she asks.

“This is my grandmother’s ring, she wanted me to give it to the person who I was sure to spend the rest of my life with”, I tell her.

She gives me a puzzled look again, and I think I know what she’s thinking but she refrains from asking me. I guess deep down I was unsure Emma was really the one when I proposed to her, so I didn’t give her this ring. Plus, Emma wanted a bigger, fancier, newer diamond on her finger. I knew Charlotte would love this ring, it represents an everlasting love, like her.

“What if I don’t make it through the surgery, or what if something goes wrong and I end up blind or worse?“, she asks, still focusing on the ring she is holding.

I take the ring and hold her left hand while I slide it onto her ring finger.

” I will love you and want you as my wife no matter what… and you will make it through the surgery”, I say and then pull her close so I can kiss her.

She cups my face and feverishly kisses me back.

“Is that a yes?“, I ask her before locking lips again.

“Yes”, she breathes.

I use my arms to lift myself back up onto my right leg and pivot myself back onto her bed, trying to avoid any pressure that would cause pain in my left leg.

“Under one condition”, she surprisingly says to me.

“What is that?” I ask.

” That you continue your daily PT so we can get you back to walking pain and spasm free”, she states.

I kiss her cheek, ” Just being here with you, my leg already feels better”, I smile.

We lay back down and snuggle ourselves tightly around each other. This time I brush my fingers along her cheek and then her arm and hug her again and kiss her neck.

” I’m scared for tomorrow”, I shyly confess to her.

” I am too”, she says back.

The night does not last long. I held her all night in my arms, hoping she was able to get some sleep in between nurses coming in to take her vitals. I stayed awake feeling worried for what is to come. I know she worried too so I kept my body close to hers to comfort her.

Morning arrived and I made sure I was up before the doctor came in. I attach my brace and put on my shoes. For the first time in over a year, I do not feel self-conscious about wearing this damn brace. If it is something I need to wear the rest of my life, if my left leg is never fully functional ever again, so be it! As long as Charlotte is safe and healthy again, I will be happy, and I will make sure she is happy too.

“We are ready for you Miss Thomas”, the tall slender guy in scrubs says when he walks into the room with a wheelchair, waiting to take her away from me.

Charlotte’s parents arrived moments earlier to wish her luck and to wait with me.

I help her into the wheelchair and kiss her lips again. “I love you and I will be right here waiting for you when you wake up”, I assure her.

” I love you too, and don’t worry, I will be fine”, she smiles.

“Please take good care of my fiancé!” I direct towards the man in scrubs as he wheels her away.

Charlotte’s parents and I look at each other, we all have the same worrisome expressions on our faces.

She better be alright!

This is going to be the longest day of my life.

Author’s Note

Hi to all of my wonderful readers!

I hope you enjoyed reading about Levi and Charlotte. I know I left a little cliffhanger, but don’t worry, you can continue reading about what happens to these two characters in the sequel I am working on !!!

“Stronger With You”…coming soon!!!!