21: Feeling Hopeless

Levi’s POV

After my absurd pool incident, Charlotte decided she wasn’t going to let me out of her sight.

She stayed with me all night, looking over at me every so often, her eyes sincere, asking me if I’m alright.

I really did not know what to say to her. I am still in shock that she jumped in to save me and the fact that she didn’t send me away to the psych ward. Maybe she will still, maybe that is where I need to be.

I will never give up on you… Her words burned into my soul, those words that keep playing repeatedly in my head.

I don’t know what I was thinking when I pulled that stunt. I wasn’t thinking at all actually. The night Emma told me she could not be with me, left me broken on the inside and out.

I was so hurt and angry. Sarah was always so happy, and I made sure to avoid her coming in my room to help me. And Nate reminded me of the man I will never be again.

I gave Charlotte such a hard time the past few weeks, I thought she would just give up on me, but she never did. I just went through the motions. While I was being a jerk, Charlotte was being persistent, pushing me to work harder during every therapy session. I was too absorbed in my own self-pity that I did not realize Charlotte had helped me accomplish sitting up on my own. I was too selfish to notice that she was sacrificing all of her time for me.

With Emma leaving me, all that was left was an overwhelming sense of hopelessness.

I was hopeless, ever walking again was hopeless, ever being a real man again or ever finding someone to love me like this was hopeless and I couldn’t take it any longer.

I glance over at Charlotte curled up in the recliner sleeping, and the weight of what I did hits me. Guilt takes over, I feel terrible that I made her cry after Nate hurried me away from the pool area, and I feel guilty that she isn’t home in her own bed sleeping, she’s stuck here protecting me from myself.

I didn’t think of what the consequences would be if I had succeeded with my plan, the impact it would have had on my parents…. or Charlotte!… What if she had found me lifeless! Or Nate and remembering what happened to his friend…. Now that I have come to my senses, I realize how selfish I was!

I can’t help but stare over at Charlotte. This beautiful selfless girl who is determined to make me better. I don’t know why a girl like her is willing to do everything for someone like me… I do not deserve her.

But I promised her I would not give up on myself, so the least I can do for her in return is keep my promise. And with a little bit of time, I may get back a little bit of hope.

22: Standing

Levi’s POV

I woke the next morning to find Sarah in the recliner, reading a book. Her turn to babysit me I assume. Her eyes are not the cheerful appearance I am used to seeing, they are swollen and blood shot.

“Where’s Charlotte?” I ask her. She stands up from the chair barely looking at me and heads for the door.

“Oh hi”, she nervously says. ” Charlotte went home to take a shower and grab some more clothes…. I will go get Nate for you”.

What was that all about? Did I scare her? She’s probably upset with me like everyone else is after yesterday.

Nate enters my room right after Sarah leaves.

” Morning”, he says to me while he grabs some of my clothes from the bureau.

He seems to be acting like his normal self, so that puts me at ease a little.

” What’s wrong with Sarah, she looks like she’s been crying”, I ask him.

Nate brings my clothes over and starts sitting the bed up but does not look at me.

” She is the one who left the pool door unlocked yesterday, she’s been beating herself up about it ever since”, he solemnly answers.

Shit! I need to apologize to her, to Nate too… to everyone really!

“I’m sorry Nate, I didn’t know what I was doing, what I was thinking… I’m really sorry”, I blurt out.

” Listen, I get it man! But you have people who care about what happens to you, people who are here for you every day, and you need to start opening up, not keep it all inside until you collapse “, he rants on in an authoritative tone.

” And you have to stop being a dick to Sarah when she tries to help you, she doesn’t deserve it”, he adds.

I agree with him and continue to apologize while he helps me dress and get into my chair.

” Is Charlotte coming back today”, I hesitantly ask him.

” Yes, she will be back soon, but in the meantime, she asked me to make sure you eat and then have you ready in the gym for her”, he replies.

I did what Nate said without giving him a hard time. I ate all my breakfast for once, and he chuckled at me. I just do not want to upset anyone any further. We got to the gym and he transferred me up onto the exercise table. I can sit on the side of the table using my right hand for support.

I can’t help but smile when Charlotte walks in. I am relieved she came back, I started to convince myself that she would hand me off to someone else to do therapy with me.

She places my leg braces on the table next to me.

” Good morning Levi”, she smiles at me. “When you finally fell asleep, I thought it was a good time to run home to shower”.

I feel like a jerk, so I look down and say, ” But you didn’t get any sleep though… I am…. I’m sorry”.

Charlotte places her fingers under my chin to lift my head up. She does not look upset with me at all. Her eyes a beautiful green shade today brought out by her forest green tank top. She focuses on my face and nonchalantly says, ” I will get some sleep later, right now we have a lot of stuff to do”, and grins.

She stands right in front of me and places her hand on both my sides to help me sit straight so I can practice balancing for a few minutes. She lets go of me but keeps her hands close to my body, so I do not fall. It is getting easier, but I can only hold myself up for a few seconds at a time. Charlotte beams at me the whole time letting me know I am doing good, I guess.

She lets me lean on my right arm again while she starts massaging my legs and moving my joints around.

” I’m sorry Charlotte”, I whisper

“I am here for you every step of the way, you know, that right?” she asks me.

When I don’t respond, she stands up to face me.

” Levi, please talk to me, tell me what you’re feeling… please”.

The only thing I can manage to say is, “I’m scared”.

She nods while still looking at me and waits for me to continue. I am not good at this talking about my feelings or anything else, I have always had everything under control. But I think she might literally stand here looking at me until I spill.

I take a deep breath and nervously start rambling off every thought in my head.

” I’m scared of being in that chair the rest of my life, I’m scared that I will fail everyone, that my friends and family will always treat me different now, I’m afraid to go to that fucking gala and having everyone stare at me, I’m afraid that I’ll never make another movie, and I can’t help feeling that no one will ever want me this way and that I’ll always be alone.”

Dammit! Now my eyes are swelling. She is still standing in front of me, her hands on my knees now.

” I’m sorry you feel alone”, she quietly says to me.

I pause a moment to compose myself before going on, ” I’m scared that you’ll get tired of trying to help me and you’ll find someone else to do it”.

She squeezes my knees with her hands and says without any hint of pity or doubt, but absolute certainty in her voice, ” I’m not going anywhere”.

Her words send a releasing sensation through my whole body and I feel my muscles letting go of all the built-up tension with just the way she looks at me.

Without delaying any further, she attaches my leg braces and locks them in place, so my legs are straight. She stands in front of me again and grabs both of my hands and wraps them around the back of her neck.

” Ready?” she asks.

” Ready for what?”

” You are going to stand up”, she says without any worry.

I feel my body start shaking and she notices it too.

“Levi… what’s wrong?”

“I’m afraid of what it will feel like, what if I fall?” I tell her.

” It will feel strange at first, and I promise I won’t let you fall”, she assures me.

She then wraps her arms around my body, gently pulling me towards her, sliding me off the table until I am standing.

Shit I’m standing! she’s right it feels weird and I do not have any balance in my hips, but her embrace is keeping me from falling.

After a minute she releases her embrace and moves her hands to hold my hips.

” I’ve got you”, she reminds me.

” Hold onto my shoulders”, she instructs, and just stands there with me, keeping me steady while I soak in this moment.

She lets me know that we will be doing this a lot for the next week or so, along with a bunch of new exercises to get my lower core and hips stronger before I can take any steps.

Hell, I do not care what kind of work I will have to do. I start laughing a little, it is more of an excited nervous laugh, but a happy one too…

I am happy just to be standing.

23: Pain

Levi’s POV

Someone was always with me or had me in their sight for the next two weeks. Everyone was still on edge, thinking I was going to lose it at any moment. So, Charlotte, Nate and Sarah rotated the night shift.

Normally this would annoy the hell out of me, but I don’t blame them after what I put them through.

Nate and Charlotte acted the same as they did with me before the pool incident, but Sarah was a different story. She was no longer her bubbly carefree self. Whenever she was near me, she would only say a few words, never really making eye contact with me. I think she was still freaked out and blamed herself somehow.

I miss the Sarah who smiled about everything, talked too much, and occasionally made me laugh. So last night when it was her turn to be on Levi duty, I decided to confront her… well apologize really in hopes that she would return to her old self again.

“Sarah”, I started. She briefly looked up at me then back down at her book.

” Yes”, she softly answers.

“Please look at me”, I sigh.

She closes her book and places it on her lap then slowly lifts her head to face me.

“It’s not your fault Sarah”, I assert.

A puzzled expression covers her face, “What?”

” I want you to know that what happened at the pool a few weeks ago was not your fault… It was all my fault, and I’m sorry”, I tell her, praying she will stop blaming herself.

Her reaction was not what I expected. She practically leaped out of the recliner towards me, her hand rubbing her forehead and angrily fires back,

” I was the last one to leave the pool door unlocked and you could have DIED Levi!!”

I’m a little shocked, I’ve never seen Sarah angry about anything before… she’s a little scary!

“I know, I’m so sorry Sarah”, I try to calm her.

After a few moments she sits back in the chair and reclines, opening her book back up to read it.

“I’m sorry too, I’m … I’m just still mad at you right now”, she admits.

“Fair enough, … but I hope you can forgive me soon”.

I know she will when I catch her smile before looking down at her book again.

The days have been long. I’m constantly moving from one therapy to the next, pausing only to eat. This is Charlotte’s clever way of keeping me distracted from any irrational thought I might have.

I have made friends with another patient. His name is Jake, and he is 28, just a couple years older than me. We meet in the exercise room the same time every day. He was in a car accident leaving him paralyzed from the waist down, but he has all his upper body strength unlike me. I envy him for that and the fact that he can hold himself up on the parallel bars or with crutches to walk. He’s only been here two months longer than me, but he makes it a point to show me his progress and encourages me to keep working.

Nate’s in charge of working with me in the weight room, but Charlotte spends the most time with me trying to get me to stand for more than 5 seconds before my hips start swaying out of control.

My left arm and leg have not been progressing the way I want; the way Charlotte was expecting. My arm definitely can’t hold up my body weight and the fact that I look like a complete idiot trying to take steps with my left leg infuriates me, and I end up acting like a jerk towards Charlotte. I can’t help it, I know it’s not her fault either, she is trying everything she can think of to get me to take a few steps when only my right side is cooperating. She’s tired and stressed out over it, I can see it on her face, and it makes me more discouraged. I can’t believe she hasn’t given up on me yet. Whether I am a jerk or not, she stays, forcing me to keep going.

” How do you do this every day?“, I ask her while she is holding me steady by my waist patiently waiting for me to drag my left leg forward.

” I want to be here every day, I never knew what I wanted to do in high school and I just picked some random college, changed my major four times, and still didn’t know who I was or wanted to be. I saw my sister struggle after her accident and it bothered me, so I went back to school and figured out this is what I needed to do”, she happily explains.

” Don’t you get tired of being here all the time trying to help me? You’re always here, when do you see your friends or boyfriend?”

I’m curious as to why this beautiful selfless girl doesn’t have multiple guys falling for her.

” First of all, I don’t have a boyfriend, most guys can’t handle the amount of time I work, but I guess I will find a guy who accepts me for who I am and what I do some day…. and I have a few friends, they just live far from here”, she says to me then bites her bottom lip and stares off for a moment.

” And no, I don’t get tired of being here helping you”, she adds matter-of-factly.

I’m at a loss for words so I just give her a half smile. I don’t understand it, what guy wouldn’t want her? Or better yet, why would she give up any of her free time to be here helping me?

The next morning starts off in a terrible way. I woke up in pain from left arm and leg spasms. I could not control them, and it took both Nate and Sarah’s help to get me dressed and in my chair. Thankfully, the spasms and pain lessened by breakfast, but they were still happening every twenty minutes or so and my mood was turning grim.

To make matters worse, I happen to roll by a table in the hall with this week’s newspapers and tabloids and catch a glance of Emma’s face in the upper right corner of a magazine. What the hell is this? I pick up the magazine and sure enough it’s Emma standing with some guy, his arm around her waist and the caption reads, “Emma Taylor finds new Love, breaks up with fiancé Levi Dawson”. What is this, a sick joke? I throw the magazine against the wall and roll straight back to my room. That didn’t take her long to forget about me and move on to the next guy. I slam my door shut and head over to the window.

The painful spasms return full force again! And why wouldn’t they, I think to myself. I am just a hopeless cause anyway.

Moments later I hear Sarah talking to Charlotte outside my door.

” Did you see the tabloid”, Sarah asks Charlotte.

“Yes, I did”, Charlotte answers with annoyance clear in her voice.

“Can you please have Nate bring my jeep around to the back door of the building?” Charlotte asks her.

Charlotte knocks on my door and enters my room. I keep my focus out the window as I hear her come closer to me. She does not speak; she just walks over and sits down on the windowsill facing me. I am in pain and she sees it, my left arm constricting then spasming.

She gently holds my left hand with hers and starts massaging my fingers then my hand and up my arm, slowly bending and straightening my elbow, pausing momentarily when I wince. She stays quiet while she works her magic on my arm, looking up every few minutes so that our eyes fix on each other. Her softhearted multi-color eyes focusing on mine, her way of asking if I’m alright.

After my arm calms and the pain goes away, she remains with me and places both of her hands on my knees then squeezes them slightly causing me to look at her.

Her thoughtful next words left me dumbstruck and I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her face.

” If she couldn’t accept you at your worst, then she didn’t deserve you at your best”.

What did that mean? Does Charlotte think I really deserve more?

Without further hesitation she gets up and softly places a kiss on my forehead, which catches me completely off guard then says,

” We are going for a ride, so let’s get you into this chair”, she points to the smaller mechanical wheelchair.

” Wait… what?” I choke out.

” I’m taking you out for the afternoon, it’s time you get out of this place, a change of scenery”, she says smiling.

24: Road Trip

Charlotte’s POV

I hand Levi off to Nate to help get him and the wheelchair into the jeep while I packed a few backpacks with food and other things we might need.

I’m frantically rushing around trying to find everything, a blanket, baseball cap & sunglasses for disguise. I have a weird yet nervous sensation running through me. Why did I kiss him on his forehead? I’m afraid to know what he thinks about that after I saw the surprised look on his face. I just felt like I had to, in that moment his guard was up, trying to shield his pain and I needed to do something. My head tells me that wasn’t the right thing to do but my heart tells me otherwise. Just get to the jeep Charlie, stop over thinking this …

Levi is sitting in the passenger side of the jeep, his chair in the back covered by a blanket. I hand him the hat and sunglasses which he gladly puts on. The last thing either of us want is for any photographers capturing any of this, it’s the reason he hasn’t left this building yet.

I hop in the driver’s seat and look over at him. He is uneasy about this I can tell; his knuckles are turning white from gripping the door.

” Don’t worry, as soon as we get around the corner, no one will assume you’re out driving around in a jeep”, I chuckle, trying to lighten his mood.

I sure hope I am right! I’ve only seen one or two photographers hanging around the front of the building lately, so the odds are in our favor.

We make it down the next street without anyone seeming to notice. It’s a gorgeous summer day so the top and windows are down. Levi’s arm is half over the door catching the wind with his hand and he looks content taking in all the sights.

He catches me smiling at him, so I quickly turn my eyes back to the road. I can feel my cheeks flush. This is not good Charlie, just focus on the road, I remind myself.

” Where are we going?“, he curiously asks me.

” We are heading South of Boston to one of my favorite places”, I gladly answer.

“Hmm”, Is all I hear him respond before looking out the window again.

This city really is beautiful if you don’t mind the traffic. Today is Sunday so the traffic is lighter than usual, and Levi’s eyes are gazing, taking in everything around us. I knew he needed this.

Our silent ride to Hingham was comforting. The fresh air, the new sights, just the fact that he was going for a drive seemed to take him away to some peaceful place in his mind. At times he would lean his head back against the head rest and just close his eyes. I wonder what he is thinking about. I can’t stop glancing over at him.

After about 30 minutes we arrived at the park entrance and pulled into a parking spot away from anyone. Lucky for us, there were not many cars here at all.

” We’re here”, I let him know, then grabbed the wheelchair from the back.

I help him swing his legs around and he grabs the back of my neck while I embrace his upper body, guiding him down into the wheelchair.

I grab the blanket from the back and stuff it into one of the backpacks then throw the pack over my shoulders. The other pack I hang on the back of his chair, and quickly turn him around to face the trail we are heading toward.

“World’s End”, he mumbles to himself as he reads the entrance sign.

He starts laughing, ” You brought me to a place called World’s End?“, laughing more now.

I let out a chuckle, “Yeah, I guess I did. Don’t worry, this place is beautiful and relaxing, you’ll love it”.

” And you’re going to push me down 4 miles of trails?“, he asks in a more apprehensive tone while pointing at the sign.

“Is this your workout routine for today?“, he adds.

“No, I’m not going to push you… I’m going to walk with you”, I say to him, then grab to hold his left hand, pulling him to wheel along next to me.

He looks up at me with surprise and confusion.

” Well come on, we’ve got a long workout ahead of us”, I giggle.

” Yeah, relaxing she says… I’ll love it she says”, Levi sarcastically mocking me and laughs.

He squeezes my hand and lets me pull him next to me while he pushes the right wheel, and we head together down the carriage path.

25: World’s End

Levi’s POV

Wow this place really is beautiful! Peaceful, and no one seems to bother with us, which makes it even better.

I can’t believe Charlotte brought me here, she manages to surprise me with something new every day, usually I’m too angry at the world to always notice. I have been stuck at rehab for months…of course Charlotte would do something like this for me… one of her many distractions she calls them. This is definitely her best idea of a distraction so far.

I look over to her, she looks so content walking next to me, holding my hand. I almost forget that I am not actually walking with her, but it almost feels like it. She’s not standing in back pushing me, or walking ahead because she thinks I’m too slow, instead she’s keeping with my pace gently squeezing my hand to let me know she’s with me. She makes me feel somewhat normal. It’s astonishing really.

The carriage paths are wide and flat, making it easy for us to enjoy. It doesn’t feel like we are right outside the city. It’s quiet here, we are surrounded by trees, marshes, and wildlife. It’s incredible!

“Whoa!… look over there, there are two deer!“, I nudge at Charlotte.

” Look at them, they don’t even mind that we’re here”, I say with surprise.

I have never actually been up close to any deer before, I thought they’d run away as we got closer, but it appears we are no bother to them.

There are so many different birds I have never seen before either.

” That one looks sort of like you”, I tease Charlotte.

” Hahaha…. well, that one looks a lot like you”, she laughs back, pointing to a bird who looks like it has a mohawk on top of its head.

I laugh back, ” Touché. ”

Not much longer and we get to an open grassy area off the path. Charlotte grins ear to ear then says, “This is a perfect spot to have lunch”.

“Wow! this is nice”, I admit back.

From this spot we have a hella view of Hingham harbor and the Boston skyline. It’s almost like looking at a painting.

Charlotte places a blanket down on the grass and takes a few containers out of the backpack.

I look at the blanket on the ground, not sure if I like the idea of her trying get me to sit on it.

” What are you doing?” I ask her, my voice clearly disappointed.

” We are going to sit here and have lunch while enjoying this beautiful view”, she confidently states.

“How are you going to get me back in the chair again after?” I ask, making it known that I am starting to feel on edge.

She walks over and stands directly in front of me. Facing me, she bends down, places her hands on my shoulders and tries to convince me that everything will be fine.

” We will figure that part out when it’s time”, she says with a smirk.

I just sit there frozen for a moment then look around to see if anyone is watching us.

“Levi are you ok?“, she asks me.

When I nod, she goes to my left side, takes my left arm, and wraps it around her shoulder then wraps her right arm around the back of my waist, supporting me. I help her by using my right arm and leg to push up from the chair and sit down onto the blanket.

” See that wasn’t so bad”, she remarks.

” I guess not”, I say back.

I sit, leaning on my right arm for support and watch her take out a few sandwiches and drinks, placing them in front of us then feel her inching her body closer to me.

All the sudden a grape hit me square in the forehead.

” Earth to Levi!” she giggles.

She is holding a bag of grapes in her hand, preparing to throw another one at me.

Without any thought, she puts her right arm around my back, her hand gripping my side so I can sit up and eat. I quickly snatch the bag and toss a grape at her, but she catches it in her mouth.

” Oh, I see how it is now Charlie”, I try joking around with her.

” Charlie huh? I thought you only referred to me as Charlotte?“, she smiles, and I just shrug my shoulders and laugh.

We continued bantering back and forth while we ate lunch. For the first time since my accident, I finally feel a bit like myself. Charlotte not even phased that she’s had her arm around me the last hour, keeping me from losing my balance while we just sit here laughing about random stuff. The sound of her laugh amuses me. She is funny when she’s not all stressed out trying to fix me.

I don’t remember the last time I laughed like this with Emma. Emma would have never taken me to a place like this, nor let me joke around with her. She usually takes offense to everything.

“This view really is amazing”, Charlotte says with all seriousness.

“Yes. It sure is”, I reply.

I really want to tell her it is her who is amazing.

I can’t tell her that though, I don’t know what to make of any of this. Does she care about all her patients like she seems to care about me? Does she pull them out of the darkness and kiss them on the forehead when they are just about to fall apart? Who am I kidding, why would I think she could ever want someone who is paralyzed? She is surrounded by people like me every day, trying to fix us. I try to remind myself she is just my therapist, but I can’t, to me she is so much more.

It’s starting to get late she tells me. That is our cue to get back in the chair. Surprisingly, this time we manage to get me up into the chair without me panicking. Ok, I can handle this, I think.

We talked the entire way back that it felt like only seconds passed until we reached the jeep. I admit, my height and her lack of made it difficult to get up into the passenger seat, but we survived, and no one was around watching us.

Halfway through our journey back to Boston I feel a sharp pain shoot through my left arm, and it starts to spasm. I clench my jaw hoping to avert the pain and grasp my left arm with my right to massage it. I look out the window while trying to calmly massage my arm, praying Charlotte doesn’t notice. Why the fuck is this happening right now? Is my left side always going to do this? I do not want her worrying about me again after the perfect afternoon we had.

Too late… she reaches over and grabs my left hand, pulling my arm over towards her and resting it on the middle console, then gently laces her fingers with mine.

” Just breathe”, she says softly.

It doesn’t make the spasm go away but her hand holding mine does relieve most of the pain. I can’t help but stare at her and wonder.

” Charlotte, can I ask you something?”

” We’re back to Charlotte now… this must be serious”, she grins, trying to lighten my mood.

“Do you think it will ever get easier?… I know I will never be the same again, but will it get easier?” I ask her.

She takes a deep breath in before speaking, ” It will get harder before it gets easier, but I promise it will get easier, you just have to make it through the hard stuff first”, she peers over at me briefly and squeezes my hand.

I want to believe her, I really do. All I do know is that I will not be able to get through any of this without her.

26: Unexpected

Charlotte’s POV

I’m so delighted that Levi enjoyed the park today. I knew it was something he needed, but I didn’t expect that it would go as well as it did.

He was smiling…. a lot! and laughing! I’ve seen him smile a few times since he’s been here but never laugh, I mean belly aching, wanting to roll on the ground kind of laughing.

And he felt comfortable enough to joke around with me. I was amazed that he let me see that side of him, part of his true personality, the part he wasn’t afraid of showing before the accident.

I wish I could get him to let go of all that anger and fear he’s suppressing and help him realize all these obstacles are not what’s holding him captive.

There is just something about him pulling me in closer, wanting to be here for him in a way that I’ve never felt before. Sure, his incredibly handsome face and perfectly sculpted body would attract anyone to him, but it’s more than that. It’s how natural it feels to hold his hand, how it upsets me when he’s upset or how I feel happy when he is happy. The way his accent makes his voice sound softer when he talks with me and how his blue-green eyes have a way of telling me that he needs me. I’m starting to feel like I may need him too, it’s hard to describe.

I know I shouldn’t have any of these feelings at all. He is my patient, and he is here so I can help him walk out of this place and return to his famous life in London.

I need to stop drifting off into my own world, aimlessly walking the hall…Wake up Charlie!… He’s an actor for Christ’s sake. Why would he see me for anything other than his therapist?

I need a distraction, so I head to my office to finish some paperwork. This will keep me busy for a while. I sit down at my desk and open a drawer to look for a pen. Instead, I find an empty journal I bought a few weeks ago. I wonder if this journal could help Levi. He is so guarded all the time, maybe writing down his thoughts might help.

I open the first page and decide to jot down my favorite inspirational quote. I will leave the journal on his nightstand for him to find after he’s done in the hot tub.

Not two minutes after, I’m startled by my phone ringing.

” Hello?”

” Charlie, it’s mom”, a hysterical voice cries out.

” Mom, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

“You need to get down here, your father has had a heart attack! He’s on his way into surgery now”, she cries.

I hang up and immediately go online to find the quickest flight out of Logan. I make a few phone calls and rush out to find Nate.

“Nate!” I yell out to him, practically sprinting down the hall.

“Charlie? Are you ok?” Nate nervously asks.

” I have an unexpected family emergency, I’m flying to North Carolina in forty-five minutes”, I tell him.

Before I give him time to respond, I start spitting out instructions and let him know I’ve called Kelly to help him do all the therapy treatments this week.

He looks at me worried but then assures me he will hold the fort down while I’m gone.

“Great! I can always count on you”, I say before turning towards the door.

“Oh … one more thing… can you please give this to Levi for me?“, handing him the journal.

“I’ll call you when I get there”, I tell him, then run out the door.

27: Worst Nightmare

Levi’s POV

I must have stayed in the hot tub for a good fifty minutes, it felt so serene.

I had Sarah bring me back to my room and help me get into bed. I’m exhausted and will probably have no trouble sleeping tonight. But not before I thank Charlotte for taking me out today.

The drive, the park, the way Charlotte held my hand to walk beside me made me feel important, everything was perfect. I didn’t realize how much I needed that until I was sitting on the grassy field, overlooking the bay.

Somehow Charlotte knew though. She knew I needed one day away from everything, a day where I could forget for a few moments about all the obstacles in my way. I didn’t want this day to end.

“Sarah, after you’re finished with me, do you mind finding Charlotte? I need to thank her for today”.

“No problem at all! I’m finished so I’ll go find her for you”, Sarah happily answers.

I think a half hour went by before Nate walked into my room.

” Oh sorry, were you sleeping?” Nate asks me.

I shift up in bed a little, rubbing my eyes so I can focus on him.

“Well Charlie asked me to give you this”, he says, handing me what looks like a brown leather book.

“Oh?” I question.

Not liking how on edge Nate looks, rubbing his hand through his curly hair and says, ” Charlie had to leave in a hurry tonight, she’s on a plane to North Carolina right now”.

“Why?” I ask, a bit perplexed.

“She didn’t have time to say much, only that she had a family emergency, and that she’ll call when she gets there”, Nate answers.

I know I come off a little selfish when I ask him, ” Do you know when she will be back?”

He tells me he doesn’t know how long she will be gone and makes it a point to show me that he’s worried and hopes nothing terrible has happened. Then he quickly tells me Kelly, the “fill-in” therapist will be here to help this week.

“Great”, I sarcastically reply.

I feel like such a jerk now. Of course, I’m worried about Charlotte too, I was just too selfish to admit it. I let my insecurities rule my thoughts, so all I cared about was that she’ll be gone for who knows how long, and I was going to be alone again.

There is no way I am going to sleep well tonight now. I’m too upset, I don’t want anything bad to happen to Charlotte, but at the same time, I’m upset she is not here with me, that I didn’t get to thank her for today, that she didn’t even say goodbye before she left.

I’m such an idiot to believe that she could ever possibly think of me as anything more than a patient, that I was something more than just her job.

I lay in bed, sulking for a while. I just want to throw something, stupidly thinking that it will make me feel better. I grab the book next to me, preparing to take aim at something. Thankfully, I hesitate for a second, feeling the soft leather cover in my hand. And instead of throwing it, I open it.

Engraved on the inside cover, ” Penny for your thoughts”.

Hmm, ok I think to myself. The first page has a handwritten message, it’s really a quote. It reads….

“Remember, you don’t always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, to trust, to let go, and see what happens”P.S.

Sometimes writing is the best therapy.

~ Charlotte

What does that even mean? Why did she give me this? I don’t think I’m ready to write my feelings in a journal, I wouldn’t even know how to start.

I put the journal on the nightstand, closed my eyes and forced myself to sleep. Hopefully, I will just dream of the great day that I had at the park and wake up to find out Charlotte has returned.

“Wait!” I yell out, waking myself up from the nightmare I was having. I’m shaking and sweating profusely, it’s 3am when I look at my phone. It takes me a few minutes to realize where I am. In my dream I had fallen on the floor not able to get up. Emma was standing at the door, her arms folded, looking cross. I was reaching for her, but she kept looking at me shaking her head. Help me please I kept saying to her, as she turned around and left.

I couldn’t get back to sleep after that, I just stared at the ceiling until Nate came in with my breakfast four hours later.

The rest of the day I focused my energy on getting my left side stronger. Nate attached me to the weights, made me practice eating using only my left hand…which was frustrating. He hooked me up to the nerve stimulator then made me try to push myself around in the manual wheelchair using both my arms. I was willingly following along with endless therapy, anything to keep my mind wondering to that horrible dream I had last night.

By evening I was sore, tired, and completely annoyed with my left side…it wasn’t any stronger than it was from yesterday. But I did manage to hold onto my fork with my left hand to feed myself tonight.

A hot shower helped, but after that, I was alone in my room. Charlotte had called and left me a voicemail while I was in the shower. She called to say hi and check in on me she said.

Tomorrow, I was supposed to work with Kelly and wasn’t looking forward to it. She’s an older lady in her late 40′s, she’s nice enough, but everything is to-the-point, it’s just not the same as when I’m doing therapy with Nate or Charlotte.

I decide to preoccupy my mind by watching TV until I fell asleep.

I can’t seem to push my wheelchair down the hall. Why can’t I feel my left arm? “Emma, can you please push me”, I ask her. She’s not moving, she’s just leaning against the outside of my door with her hands crossed, shaking her head side to side. “I’m stuck Emma! Why aren’t you helping me!” I start yelling at her.

I must have been holding my breath because I woke up gasping for air. What the fuck!! Another nightmare! I pick up my phone, it’s 4:30am!

It’s now Tuesday and I haven’t slept well in two nights. Nate doesn’t hesitate to comment on my bad mood when he helps me dress and into my chair.

Breakfast doesn’t go over so well either. After I already tried protesting about having to use only my left hand, I lost the grip on my fork and food went flying. Kelly came in to get me for therapy as my plate hit the floor and I couldn’t tell if she was disappointed or annoyed.

Jake is in the gym when we arrive. He’s strapped into a harness that hangs from a ceiling track, and he’s walking around the room using his metal forearm crutches. He makes it look so simple, I want to be happy for him and hate him at the same time. I’m such an asshole sometimes.

“Hey Levi”, he greets me. “I’m going to watch the Premier League game in the lounge later if you want to join me? We can kick back, have a few beers”, he says to me.

“Yeah, yeah… sounds good”, I answer. I need a distraction anyway.

Kelly brings me over to the parallel bars and I immediately scowl at her.

“What are you doing”, I grunt.

” You are working on the bars today”, she says in a serious tone.

I start getting irritated with her, ” And how do you suppose I’m going to do that with one arm?”

” We are going to see what we can do, Sarah’s here to help”, Kelly tries to encourage.

The parallel bars turned out to be a total fiasco. Kelly’s failed attempt to support my left arm on the bar while Sarah held my hips steady was only slightly humiliating for me, until I realized an hour passed and I’d only taken five steps. It wasn’t until I looked over at Jake who was easily walking around, guided by the ceiling track, that I felt completely defeated.

“Put me back in my chair”, I angrily demand of Kelly and Sarah.

” I’m done with your therapy for the day”, I add.

Kelly finally decides she’s not going wait around for my foul mood to change and leaves.

“Come on Levi, I’ll take you to the lounge”, Sarah says.

” Ya, I’ll meet you in the lounge in about thirty minutes”, Jake yells out as I leave the gym.

Having a few beers while watching the game with Jake was a good interruption from my horrid day. I was still in a grim mood though after and refused any other therapy, didn’t shower, and just went to bed. I surprisingly fell asleep quickly.

My dreams take me to the pool area. I feel like I’m up above looking over at someone, it’s strangely eerie. There’s no one around except for a body floating on top of the water. As I get a closer look, I realize the body is mine. Someone help me! I hear myself saying. The body remains still. Charlotte appears from somewhere, but she doesn’t jump in to save me, only walks around the pool looking at the body and then she disappears. Charlotte! Charlotte! Come back! I want to scream….

“Levi! Levi! wake up”, I hear a voice say. I open my eyes to find Sarah shaking me by my shoulders.

“Levi, are you ok?“, you were having a nightmare”, she tells me.

I sit up in bed, rubbing my eyes, my body drenched in sweat.

“Do you want to talk about it”, Sarah nervously asks.

“No”, is all I respond.

“Let’s get you into a hot shower”, she says while pulling the wet blankets off my bed.

” It’s two in the morning”, I groan.

” You’re, up aren’t you? And by the looks of you, I don’t think you’re going back to sleep any time soon”, she points out.

” Fine”, I acknowledge.

I sat in the shower for a while, letting the hot water run down my face. I don’t know what’s bothering me more, the dreams or the fact that Charlotte’s been gone for 3 days and I keep thinking that she’s not coming back. Out of all the nightmares I’ve had this week, that would be my worst one … Charlotte leaving me here and having someone else take over. Maybe she really did need a break from me.

I told Sarah to leave me in my chair after my shower. She’s right, there’s no way I’m going back to sleep.

Sarah picks up the brown leather journal and tosses it into my lap. I give her a confused look, and before I can speak, she says, ” I know you haven’t slept all week, there is obviously something bothering you, and Charlotte didn’t give you this journal so it can collect dust on your nightstand”.

I look down at the journal for a while contemplating what I should do, then look up at Sarah, ” But how do I start?”

She finishes putting fresh sheets and blankets on my bed and softly says, “How about you begin with how you feel right now and go from there”.

28: Small Steps

Levi’s POV

I opened the journal and read the words Charlotte wrote on the inside cover over and over again….

You don’t always need a plan, sometimes you just need to breathe…Well Charlotte tells me that all the time, whenever I start to panic about something, she tells me to breathe.

To trust…to let go…It’s a bit difficult to trust, who do I trust? Certainly not Emma. Do I trust Charlotte? Do I trust that I will eventually walk again?

I understand what she means by let go. That’s easier said than done though. She already sees me as a cripple, she’s already seen me panic on more than one occasion, she had to dive into the pool to save me from drowning myself for goodness sake! If I come out and tell her that I’m scared all the time, about everything, that I’m scared she’s going to leave or give up on me, that I need her! Who am I then? What is left of me?

Without realizing it, my pen is at the top of the first page and I write, ”Small Steps”, as the title of my first entry.

After that, the words just kept flowing… I’m afraid to let go, but I must try. One step at a time, I write.

I continue writing until the sun comes up, filling up a good 10 pages of the journal. I could’ve gone on to fill another 10 pages, but Nate disrupted me by bringing in my breakfast.

I quickly shut the journal and put it back on the nightstand.

“Wow, you look like shit”, Nate reminds me and laughs a little.

“Same to you mate”, I argue.

Nate and I have come to an understanding that when it comes to dealing with me, he’s going to say it like it is. And that’s fine with me. I have no problem giving him a hard time and he gives it right back; the way guys do. He can’t fully understand what I’m going through, but he treats me the way he’d want to be treated I’m sure, if he was the one in my position.

” Eat your breakfast will you, God only knows what Kelly has planned for you today”, he mocks.

” When is Charlotte coming back”, I ask him.

” She’s been gone all week and I don’t think I can handle Kelly torturing me any longer”, I try to joke, hoping he won’t catch onto my desperation.

“Soon, maybe today”, he says.

“Her father had a heart attack and needed emergency surgery”, he lets me know.

Oh no!! I really feel like a jerk now, here I’ve been only worried about myself when I really should’ve been worrying about Charlotte.

“He is going to be ok?” I ask unsure.

“Yes, they put in some stents and he’s going to make a full recovery, after some much-needed rest”, Nate assures me.

” Now hurry up before Kelly has my head”, he chuckles.

I arrive at the gym to see Kelly toying with the harness that hangs from the ceiling track. A pair of forearm crutches on the floor next to her.

She doesn’t think I will actually be able to use those, does she? After my failure at the parallel bars yesterday, you’d think she’d realize by now that my left side isn’t any help when it comes to figuring out how to walk.

I sit there, arms crossed waiting for her to finish what she’s doing.

“Don’t just sit there”, she demands.

” Come over so I can get this harness strapped to you”.

I roll over to her, slowly while showing her my disapproval. She gets the harness around me and locks my leg braces so that I can’t bend my knees, then adjusts the harness so that I’m standing.

This feels so strange. My feet are on the ground, but I still feel like I’m dangling from the ceiling. My hips lose control and I start swaying side to side, back and forth until Kelly grabs a hold of both sides of the harness, keeping me still. She makes me stand there for a minute, continuing to securely grasp the harness so that I can gain my balance.

I’m still only able to stand and balance for a few seconds before my hips give way and I lose control again. She repeats this exercise with me over and over, letting me go when I’m balancing on my own, then lets the harness catch me when I can’t.

After a half hour of doing this she finally speaks, “Do this every day, and you’ll be able to balance yourself on your own a little longer each time”.

Kelly then puts one of the forearm crutches to my right arm and instructs me to use it for support each time I take a step with my left leg.

What the fuck! I think to myself. This isn’t going to be good.

She moves to my left side, grabbing onto my left arm by my arm pit, acting like my left crutch. ” Now bring your crutch forward, putting some weight on it and take a step with your left”, she instructs.

I do as she says, putting a lot more weight than I should on my right crutch. Since I can’t bend my knee, I have to slightly swing my leg around to take a step forward which immediately causes me to lose my balance, so she jerks my left arm towards her to pull me straight again. I manage to take a step with my right and again with my left one more time before I feel a painful leg spasm.

Oh no! Not again! ” This isn’t going to work! I’m not ready for this yet”, I start yelling at her.

My left arm and leg going into continuous spasms now. I’m going to lose my mind at any minute.

Just then I hear the gym door open and a familiar voice chip in, ” Thank you for all of your help Kelly, I’ll take over from here”.

I’m stunned, my left side still shaking when Charlotte approaches. She gently glides her hand down my left arm until she meets my hand and places it on her shoulder. She’s standing in front of me smiling and places my right hand on her other shoulder before bringing her hands to grasp my sides.

She looks up at me with her beautiful, caring multi color eyes, and says, ” Did you miss me?”

I remain frozen, though my left side still shaking while she tries to keep me steady. I stare back at her, submerged in her eyes. I don’t know what to say, what to think. I’m happy, relieved, scared all at the same time.

She keeps her eyes on me trying to read the expression on my face. Whatever it reads must have worried her because she moves my arms to wrap around her neck and then wraps her arms around my body, pulling me close to her, and hugs me.

As soon as she nuzzles her head into my chest, an overwhelmingly pleasant sensation takes over me and I hug her back.

” I did”, I tell her, burying my face into her hair.

“What?“, she asks softly.

” I did miss you”, I say.

29: Open Up

Charlotte’s POV

I fixed my gaze on Levi, holding his hips steady while his body was shaking. He didn’t try to move or say anything, he just looked back at me. The expression on his face was like staring at a blank slate, only peering into his blue-green eyes could I feel his despair.

Instinctively, I let go of his hips and folded my arms around his back, embracing him. Slowly I felt his body stop shaking, and I feel him let go of a little bit of uncertainty when he nestles his head into my neck and releases a sigh. I’m certain I let out a sigh too. Hugging him felt right, like something we both needed.

This week has been hell for me, and for Levi too from what Nate and Sarah have told me. After hearing that he hasn’t slept all week and that he’s had terrible nightmares every night, I knew I had to get back here. So, after my father was released from the hospital and settled back at home, I jumped on the next available flight to Boston.

I wanted to get to the root of these nightmares he was having. He probably won’t easily divulge about what’s going on with him, but I must try.

I decide to be the first to break our hold and speak first, “Levi, I heard that you…”

“Wait! Charlotte…“, he interrupts.

” I’m so sorry about your father and I’m happy that he is ok”, he says concerned.

Scrambling for the right words I respond, “Thank you, I think he will be fine as long as he follows the doctor’s orders”.

I’m not going to succeed with getting him to talk any further, so I may as well try to lighten up the mood.

“Shall we walk a little?” I ask, gripping onto his hips again.

“Sure”, he agrees, placing his hands back on my shoulders.

We carefully make our way across the room, guided by the ceiling track. After about 10 feet, his pace begins to slow, and I catch him wincing with each step he makes with his left.

“Levi, what is it?” I ask him.

“I keep getting a shooting pain up my leg when I shift my weight”, he confirms.

“Alright, time to get out of this harness and take a rest”, I tell him.

“Are you going to tell me about these dreams you’ve been having every night?“, I nudge while pushing his wheelchair down the hall.

“No”, he flatly states.

“Levi, you can talk to me if something is bothering you “, I push further.

“It’s nothing… I’m fine now”, he insists.

” Can we just go and eat? I’m starving”, he adds, trying to divert our conversation.

After we make our way into the dining room, he tells me he’s going over to eat with Jake.

I’m glad he’s made friends with Jake. Jake is a great guy, always positive and works ridiculously hard. Jake is a good influence for Levi and Levi needs a friend here, someone who’s in a similar situation.

I use this time to talk with the rest of the patients here. Marlo and Kenny, both in their 50′s, both with low spinal cord injuries. Sometimes I feel like I don’t spend enough time on their personal therapy treatments, but I have another therapist who solely works with them. Plus, their wives and children are here every day helping with therapy too. I just oversee everything.

Abby is our newest patient. She just turned 16 and is our first patient with quadriplegia. Kelly has agreed to be her main therapist and Abby’s parents have been here around the clock.

That leaves Nate, Sarah, and I to focus on Jake and Levi. Although, I’ve put most of my focus on working with Levi lately, and Nate has taken over working with Jake.

My staff is wonderful, I couldn’t ask for any better. I’m so grateful for all the work they did while I was gone this week, I’m going to surprise them by taking everyone out tomorrow.

Levi avoided me the rest of the afternoon and asked Sarah to help him with an early shower.

I’m worried about him. He’s hugging me telling me he has missed me one minute then ignoring me the next, and I need to figure out the reason for it soon.

While Levi was in the shower, I told everyone else that we are having popcorn and movie night in the lounge tonight. No one protested and Abby squealed with excitement.

” Great! I will meet you all in there with the popcorn, someone get in there and pick out a movie”, I demand.

Everyone has a seat, waiting for me when I enter with all the popcorn and drinks. I hand everyone a bowl of popcorn, a beer for the guys and soda for Abby. Sarah takes Abby’s to help her with it.

Levi is sitting at the end of the couch, his feet up on the ottoman when I hand him his popcorn.

He looks at me and smiles then pats the empty cushion next to him.

” Do you want to sit with me?“, he asks.

I tilt my head giving him a confused look and reply, ” Your mood swings are giving me whiplash”.

“I’m sorry”, he says patting the cushion again.

I take a seat next to him. We stay silent like everyone else, engaged in the movie. After about an hour into the film, Levi gently puts his hand on my thigh and leans over to my ear. Speaking so softly so no one else can hear.

” I’m sorry”, he says.

” You have nothing to apologize for”, I whisper back.

“Yes, I do!… the whole time you were gone I was angry with you when I shouldn’t have been”, he solemnly states.

I look at him anxious for his reasons, “Why?”

He puts his forehead down onto my shoulder to hide his features and slowly confesses, ” I was mad you left, and I was afraid you wouldn’t come back… that you’d finally given up on me”.

His words crush me, and I wait just a moment before putting my fingers under his chin, lifting his head to look at me and impulsively ask,” Why would you think that?”

I instantly see hurt and confusion flash through his eyes. Of course, he would think that! I say to myself. While everyone else around him here has their family, wife or girlfriend by their side, Levi has no one.

He has his parents and manager who visit once a month, but that’s not enough. He’s been avoiding most of his friends who are back in London because he doesn’t want them to treat him differently, and the girl he was going to marry… the girl who he thought loved him, left him here alone.

The only person he truly has here is me. He needs me and I just left last weekend without saying anything! I’m to blame for his recent nightmares.

“Levi, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have left last Sunday without telling you why first”.

” I’m just happy you finally told me what’s been bothering you”, I softly say.

He puts his head back on my shoulder and I speak to him in the most convincing tone…

“Please don’t ever think I’m going to give up on you… not for any reason”.

30: Determined

Levi’s POV

I finally got some sleep last night. I knew Charlotte would be back in the morning because she told everyone she has a surprise day planned for all of us.

Nate did my morning therapy session which consisted of stretching and core exercises in the gym. Nate had Jake join too so he could get both of our sessions done at the same time.

“You ready for our afternoon out in the city?“, Jake asks me.

“Not really, but it will be good to get out”, I say to him.

He’s looking at me confused by my response.

“Why would you want to stay here all day every day?“, Jake asks with curiosity.

” Have you seen the reporters and photographers waiting for me outside?” I point out.

” We will be kind of hard for them to miss, all strolling around in our wheelchairs together”, I add trying not to offend him.

” Ya, I’m sorry, I didn’t think of that”, he apologizes to me.

Of course, he would never think of that first. He’s never had paparazzi following his every move. Jake is just excited to get out and enjoy someplace other than here. I know it’s been almost six months, but I don’t know if I’m ready for the whole world to see me as disabled. It’s going to happen sooner or later anyway, so may as well be today.

Charlotte meets all of us in the lounge by 11:00 am. When she walks in wearing jeans and a Boston Red Sox t-shirt, everyone but me figured out where we were going.

” Hell yeah!” Jake shouts.

“We have box seats for the game today, so let’s get going”, she says with a big smile.

Everyone excitedly makes their way towards her, thanking her before heading out the door.

She looks over towards me and sees that I’m still sitting by the couch after everyone has made their way out.

“Levi, if you’re not comfortable with this, we can stay here?“, she says while walking over to me.

“No, I’m going. I’m not comfortable with this, but I’m also not going to ruin everyone’s day”, I admit.

“You sure?“, she asks again.

“No, I’m not sure, but I’m still going”, I groan.

She holds her hand out to me and patiently waits for me to grab it.

“Come on then”, she says. “We will try to have some fun!“, she grins.

We get to the front door where the four other occupied wheelchairs and the staff are waiting for us. I immediately spot someone with a camera lurking around our small crowd and turn to Charlotte who’s now giving me a worried stare.

” Well let’s get this over with”, I tell her.

We join the rest of our group and head down the sidewalk. I hear the constant clicking sound of a camera going off as the intruder pretends to keep his distance from us. I’m about to turn around and cuss him out until I feel Charlotte squeeze my hand, turning my focus to her. She’s been holding my hand while walking by my side the whole way, helping me feel at ease, and I didn’t think anything of it until now. Maybe she thinks she’s helping me get around better, or maybe she’s trying to protect me, I don’t know. What I do know is that her hand in mine is comforting to me and I don’t want her to let go.

Everyone in our group is laughing and talking about Fenway Park and the green monster. I obviously haven’t the slightest idea of what that is, so I ask, “What’s a green monster?”

Everyone halts to turn to me, hands over their mouths giggling, “It’s the big green wall that surrounds the outfield”, Jake answers.

“Oh”, I say, embarrassed now.

“I thought you British knew everything about Boston?” Sarah chuckles.

“Ha…ha”, I sarcastically return.

Having box seats was a brilliant idea. There was room for all of us, endless ballpark franks and drinks, and the Red Sox won. A much-needed day for everyone.

We waited for most of the crowd to leave before making our way out, but there were still a lot of people hanging around trying to push their way through like they owned the place. After the twentieth asshole bumped into my chair, I got angry and started calling them every rude name I could think of. Frankly, I’m annoyed now that Charlotte was nowhere in sight. I can barely roll myself as it is, never mind through a crowd of morons with total disregard for the handicap.

My wheels stopped moving for a moment and I sat still, watching all the people walk by me. I was angry that they could easily move about… no one caring that I was down here, it made me feel worthless. Is this what all people in a wheelchair feel like? Is this what I’m going to feel like the rest of my life?

I felt someone grab onto the handles of my wheelchair, I was just about to scream at whoever it was until I felt Charlotte lean her face down next to my ear and ask, “Levi, are you alright?”

“I’m fine”, I grunt. “Let’s get out of here”.

Thankfully, Charlotte and Nate bring us a round-about way back to rehab. It’s shorter through the city, but it’s more crowded. And although Boston is a beautiful city, it’s also old and not easy for us wheelchair bound to get around.

Our group happily strolling along, still delighted about the game, laughing, and reminiscing about every great play.

I remain mute, letting Charlotte push my wheelchair, not even attempting to help her.

“Levi, you could at least help with the hills”, she tries to joke with me, but I ignore her.

We return to the rehab center and Charlotte brings me to my room.

“Ok, well if you want a shower, I’ll ask Sarah to come in”, Charlotte says to me.

I wheel myself over to the window and see her through the reflection. She looks cross but I don’t feel like explaining anything to her right now.

“I want to go to the pool”, I more or less demand.

“What?“, she asks, confused.

“I want to work on my balance and walking in the pool… without the leg braces”, I tell her.

“If that’s what you want, I’ll go change and have Nate get you in the pool”, she says then leaves my room.

Charlotte is already in the pool when I get there. Nate gets me onto the pool lift and lowers me into the water. I wrap my arms around Charlotte, and she wraps hers around me, gliding me from the lift. She keeps a tight grip on me, knowing my legs will probably buckle from not wearing my braces.

“It’s ok Charlotte, I need to try”, I let her know.

She releases her tight grasp and moves her hands to my hips. Sure enough, my left leg gives out making her tighten her hands around me again.

My right hand clutches her shoulder and I pull myself upright. This is easier in the pool; the water makes me much lighter for her and for me. I’m surprised how strong my right leg feels, it’s not giving out like my left.

“Hmm”, I hum a little louder than I thought, and Charlotte gives me a little smile.

“You can ease your grip a little Charlotte, I’ve got this”, I tell her, returning her smile.

She remains my crutch for the next hour, letting me almost fall over then pull myself back up, repeatedly, and she smiles at me when I manage to stand on both legs for more than five seconds.

” I’m proud of you”, she finally speaks.

“Why?” I ask her.

What is she proud of? I haven’t done anything to be proud of, I think to myself.

“You’ve gone at this for an hour, falling and getting back up every time, you haven’t given up”, she states.

“I don’t like being in the chair…. I want to walk again, whatever it takes!“, I tell her.

“I like this newfound determination”, she beams at me.

“Yeah, yeah… don’t make such a big deal of it”, I smirk.

Before I have a chance to say anything else, she pulls me close and wraps her arms around me, hugging me. “Charlie! I said it’s not a big deal”, softly laughing into her hair, hugging her back.